


Road of Innocence

by ladyvisionary



Series: Roads Travelled [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Crossover, Dimension Travel, Drama, F/M, Falling In Love, Family, Female Friendship, First Love, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Marauders' Era, Moving On, Romance, Soulmates, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-02
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2017-12-04 02:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 178,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/705462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyvisionary/pseuds/ladyvisionary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Innocence

**Author's Note:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

_Innocence._   
  
_We all have it, at some point in our lives. I lost mine a long time ago, but I still like to pretend it’s there. Childhood-living is easy to do, after all. But even though I treasured the time and the new chance I got, it still wasn’t enough. Nothing is ever really enough. The good times - they will always come to an end, sooner or later, and you’re never ready when that happens. In our case, the innocence disappeared far too quickly, and the suffering lasted far too long. Will it ever really go away? I doubt it._   
  
_\- Buffy Summers._

* * *

Buffy stumbled weakly through the alley, one hand grabbing at the stonewall building to her left for support, the other tightly pressed against a ghastly stomach wound.

 _‘It wasn’t supposed to go this way,’_ she thought, staring unblinkingly at the blood splattering from her mouth onto the ground as she coughed – a deep, rattling cough that originated from deep inside her lungs.

Her eyes teared up as she painstakingly continued her walk. She had to get to a hospital. She was trying to remember where the hospitals in LA were but dizziness made her sight fuzzy and her head throb.

The world was spinning and Buffy swayed slightly on the spot, and she stopped, to try and catch what little breath she had left; save her strength. Biting her lip, she forced her legs into taking another step. And another. _‘Just a little bit further,’_ Buffy thought, stubbornly ignoring the speckles of colours obscuring her vision. _‘Just one more step…’_

Around the corner awaited salvation – the main street, were surely people would be taking evening walks, visiting the clubs nearby – someone would notice her and get help for sure.

The Slayer refused to acknowledge the fact she was dying – that the piece of metal that had been sticking through her lower body before she pulled it out had hit something vital, and that it was only due to her willpower that she was still standing.

She wouldn’t face death in a dark alley…alone. Inwardly, Buffy was cursing her decisions; the one to patrol tonight, and the one to run away and come to LA in the first place. All her choices seemed to do was bring her grief.

She knew that running away had never solved anything, and yet, that was what she’d done. When life became too much, she turned tail and took off, leaving her friends and mom behind. But what she wanted to escape the most refused to go away, no matter how far she ran – the memories.

The expression as she buried the sword in Angel’s chest would forever haunt her. Often, she’d cry herself to sleep, wishing for a miracle, that when she woke up, he would be there and all of this would just turn out to be a really bad dream…but that was never the case.

Buffy took another step – and then her legs failed her, and she sank down onto the dirty asphalt in a heap. She tried crawling, but it hurt too much, and only managed to upset her wound more. She leaned her head to the left against the cool stonewall, bitter tears dripping down her face.

A silent sob forced its way up her throat, and she tried calling for help – one last, desperate act - but her voice failed her and all that came out was a small, scratchy whine, too quiet for human ears to notice, especially considering the bustling city traffic just a few metres ahead… So close, yet so far away.

Buffy inwardly cursed the demon that had gotten the better of her. She had been sloppy, she admitted. She had said goodbye to Lily – no, Anne, now – and left the small LA apartment she had been living in, feeling ready to begin anew, ready to shoulder the burden of being the Slayer once again. She couldn’t turn her back on her calling, as much as she wanted to. It was part of who she was, and thanks to Anne and the experience down in the Hell dimension, she had finally accepted it. Was it only a few hours ago? It felt like forever.

_“I’m Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, and you are?”_

Buffy chuckled silently. How ironic – that just as she came to terms with her destiny again, destiny proceeded to screw her over.  
  
 _‘No Slayer lives forever,’_ she reminded herself, but it didn’t make her fate any easier. Especially knowing how she had left her mom and her friends, without even saying goodbye. And now, they would never know what had happened. They would never know she had been about to return.  
  
Tonight was supposed to be an easy patrol. One last round around the City of Angels, before jumping on a bus that would take her home, back to Sunnydale. Maybe a few vampires, nothing she couldn’t handle. And then, the demon had taken her by surprise.  
  
Buffy had managed to get in a few good hits, and she was starting to enjoy the battle, feeling immortal, high on life and adrenaline, when she had taken a straight uppercut to the jaw. Before she managed to recover, the demon had taken her and thrown her for a long spin through the air before she finally landed on a trash container.  
  
And just as she got up, just as she got to her feet, the demon had grabbed a long metal pole from the ground and impaled her before knocking her out. When she came to, she was alone, blood pooling around her, the demon nowhere to be seen. Getting to her feet, she pulled the metal out and started to make her way from the scene. Which lead her to this moment.  
  
 _‘When did it get so dark?’_ Buffy thought. The pain in her stomach seemed to have faded into numbness. She couldn’t feel anything, and the only sound she could hear was her own shallow breathing and her heart beating with irregular motions against her ribcage.  
  
She was so tired… Surely it would be alright to rest her eyes for a second?  
  
Just a second…

* * *

**Outside time**

One young man – a novice of the Fates stared into a large stone well that seemed to shimmer with power. The water inside was smooth, the surface completely blank.

The well was the Fates’ way of knowing what was going on with the universe and their chosen champions. In the depths, the young Power could view all actions going on within the worlds.

Currently, it was showing him a clear view of a Slayer – one Buffy Anne Summers. The young woman was badly wounded – dying, even.

The rule was simple – watch, but do not interfere. It was not up to them to decide which road to take. The creatures existing in the dimensions had to make those decisions themselves, even though sometimes, they made the wrong one.

Only one exception could be made to this – if the continual existence of the universe and the balance between the many dimensions within was threatened because of the choices made by the humans, then, and only then, were the Fates allowed to meddle.

This young Fate, though, had lately started to have trouble with this rule. Surely, passiveness was not the right thing? And Buffy, the young Slayer, still had so much to live for, and she was just beginning to realise that. It would be wrong, evil, even, to rob her of her life now. When she still could play a part on the large chessboard that was life.

This young Fate had not yet learnt how precarious the balance between light and dark truly was. He had not yet realised what could happen – the risks he took – if he touched the liquid within the well and influenced the lives of those in the universe.

And so, temptation became too much.

One finger was dipped into the well, disturbing the surface with the ripple effect from this small action.

The well glowed and all planes of existence began to shake. The universe trembled as the balance between the worlds was disturbed.

The thin layer separating the many dimensions and protecting them from each other became fractured as it was breached by the small action made by the naïve Fate. A gap to the worlds had been opened somewhere in the many dimensions.

The older Fates howled with fear and rage as they rushed to the well, pushing the young Power out of the way. His punishment would be determined later – now, however, they had to focus all their power on repairing the damage made.

* * *

The ground shook around Buffy, who gasped in surprise, her eyes snapping open.

The asphalt in front of her cracked and broke apart - some kind of blue vortex was slowly coming to life between the large chinks and Buffy pressed herself closer to the wall – but it didn’t matter. The portal grew bigger and wider as the asphalt broke further apart and had already gotten a hold of her, and was pulling her down…even if she hadn’t been wounded, even if she somehow gathered up enough strength to resist, it wouldn’t be enough. The vortex was too strong.

The world was spinning.

She was falling.

_Darkness._

* * *

**1 September, 1977**

James Potter sighed, staring longingly at the redheaded girl further down the table, his hazel eyes glassy. Remus actually thought he saw him drool.

Sirius poked James’ shoulder with his fork. The messy haired boy didn’t even flinch, something which didn’t surprise his friends in the slightest, knowing his obsession with the redhead ran deep. Remus and Sirius exchanged exasperated looks, shaking their heads at their friend.

“Haven’t you given up yet, mate?” Sirius asked. “Lily Evans does not want anything to do with you. You could have any girl you wanted in this school, and you’re still pining for the unattainable.”

James, finally turning his attention away from the girl who occupied his dreams, glared at him. “She is not unattainable!” He protested. “This will be the year, I’m sure of it!”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You know, it would be more convincing had you not said the exact same thing last year.”

“And the year before that,” Remus cut in, smirking slightly.

“And the year before that,” a third boy, Peter Pettigrew piped up.

“And – ” Sirius began anew, only to be cut off by James who gave them an irritated look.

“Alright, alright, I get your point,” he muttered. “But I’m telling you! She will be mine! I’m Head Boy this year, aren’t I? We’ll have to share patrols and duties…it will be the perfect chance to get to know each other!”

Sirius eyebrows rose. “You mean you’re actually planning on doing those things?”

“Yes!”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Sirius said, shaking his head. “James Potter and duties…something is wrong with that sentence. I say, leave the work to Evans and abuse your position as much as you can.”

Remus frowned at Sirius. “Don’t listen to him, James. I think it’s good you’re taking your new position seriously. Have you ever thought that the reason Lily may despise you is because you’re a bit of a slacker? And maybe a tiny bit of a bully as well?” he added carefully, waiting for the loud protest that was sure to come. To his surprise, it didn’t.

“The thought did cross my mind over the summer,” James admitted, lifting up a hand to ruffle up his hair, only to stop himself at the last second, his hand changing direction so he was scratching at his neck instead.

Sirius gawked. “You can’t be serious!”

“No, you are,” the other three Marauders chorused.

"I still can't believe they made you, of all people, Head Boy," Lily said from her place a few seats down, having overheard parts of their conversation.

"Aww, why not, Evans?" James said with wide-eyes, clutching his chest as though he'd been deeply wounded. "I may not have been a Prefect, but I have plenty of aspects that make me a perfect Head Boy!"

"Excellent grades do not necessarily a good Head Boy make, Potter," Lily retorted.

James' hazel eyes gleamed. "I wasn't talking about my grades," he said with an impish grin. "I was referring to my charm and grace."

Lily let out a loud bark of laughter, sounding uncannily like Sirius for a moment. "Charm and grace? Grace, I'll give you - if we're talking about you on a _broomstick_. I'll even acquiesce to charm - if you're comparing it to that of a decomposing slug," she finished with a haughty sniff, before she turned her back on the Marauders and delved into a conversation with her two roommates, Mary and Madeleine MacDonald, pretending to be more interested than she actually was.

Remus knew Lily, and he knew that Muggle fashion models were really not something that caught her notice at all: already, he could see her green eyes glaze over slightly, even as she nodded in all the right places. He barely hid a smirk. People could say all they wanted that Lily Evans was a model student, including Lily herself, but Remus had learned long ago that even she dozed off in Professor Binn's history classes - she just had a way of hiding it from everyone else by somehow managing to keep her eyes open which made it _seem_ as though she was playing attention: a skill she had also learnt to master in actual conversations. Remus wondered how Lily would react if anyone ever actually caught her at it.

Glancing at James to see his reaction to Lily's latest insults - Remus envied his thick skin, he really did - he saw the Head Boy staring at the back of Lily's head dreamily with stars in his eyes. "She actually _complimented_ me!" James exclaimed with a wide grin, his voice actually rising into something akin to a very unmanly squeal.

Remus could only shake his head, exchanging baffled looks with Peter and Sirius: on the other hand, the reason for James never taking any offense could lie more in the lines of total delusion rather than thick skin. James must have been hearing something completely different than what Lily actually said, because neither of them could recall any such thing. This was often the case when it came to James' interactions with Lily Evans.

Their doubtful expressions did not deter James' happiness at all. He looked to actually be floating as he absently buttered a bread-roll. "She said I looked _graceful on a broom_ , guys!" He practically vibrated in his seat from excitement. "And intelligent! And - and she even agreed that I was _charming!"_

"In comparison to, and I quote, _a decomposing slug,"_ Sirius reminded him, still with the same baffled look on his face: Remus couldn't blame him.

James ignored him. "Details," he said, still with the same dreamy tone. "I said I _knew_ this was going to be my year, didn't I? I _knew_ it!"

Sirius only shook his head. "Sometimes I genuinely worry about your sanity, Prongs, honestly.  Anyway, you can’t be considering laying off on Snivellus, are you?”  
  
James shrugged. “Maybe I am. If we don’t bother him, maybe he won’t bother us.”

“That’s just optimistic thinking,” Sirius protested. “Besides, Remus already forced us try that once before! And guess what: it didn't work!"

"Maybe it would have - if either of you had lasted even _one_ week before you opened your mouths and let an insult escape," Remus said mildly.

Sirius pretended not to hear him. "Besides, we live to torture the greasy git. And it's not like he doesn't deserve it!”

James sighed. ”Sirius, I have been giving this a lot of thought. I really like Lily – a lot. And if ignoring Snape is the way to catch her attention then I’ll give it a try.”

“Fine,” Sirius sulked, crossing his arms with a slight huff. “I can’t believe you’d abandon our camaraderie for a girl, though.”

It was James and Remus’ turn to roll their eyes at each other. Sirius was the king of exaggeration. “But you will continue the pranking, at least, won’t you?” Sirius added, giving the messy-haired boy a pout and a flash of the puppy-dog eyes.

James lips twitched. “Of course! It is our last year, after all. And we have to go out with a bang, right?”

“Hear, hear,” Sirius, Remus and Peter chorused, lifting their empty goblets and clunked them together theatrically.

“Shh!” Lily Evans hissed at them. “The sorting is about to start!”

“The sorting is about to start,” Sirius mimicked in a girly voice. “What you see in her, Prongs, I’ll never know. Well, other than the obvious – she sure is a looker! Ow!”

James promptly kicked him under the table, and turned his attention to the Sorting Hat, which was opening its brim to sing.

Sirius blinked. “You’re actually going to listen to the hat?”

James ignored him.

“Hell must be freezing over,” Sirius muttered, shaking his head at Remus, who grinned, before, he too, turned his attention to the Sorting Hat. Other than presenting the Houses, as usual, the hat also seemed to sing warnings about a conflict that could only end in carnage if nothing was done in time.  
  
Remus frowned.  
  
Ever since he’d come to Hogwarts as a first-year, Remus had heard whispered rumours about a wizard who called himself Lord Voldemort. Not many had taken them seriously, then, and Remus, who had only been a young boy, had been far too busy to worry about everyday stuff to pay any attention to it. He’d thought it would blow over, like every other ’big’ threat, and even if it didn’t – well, he’d be safe at Hogwarts, wouldn’t he?  
  
Everyone knew Hogwarts was one of the safest places in Britain - maybe in the entire world - and not only because of the strong wards surrounding the old castle, but also because Dumbledore - the one everyone looked up to, the one everyone considered being the greatest wizard alive, the one who had defeated the terror Grindelwald - was the Headmaster.  
  
But now, Remus was in his last year, and the threat hadn’t blown over – in fact, it had only grown steadily worse – maybe it could even be called a war: Attacks were becoming a regular occurrence and people were becoming genuinely afraid. Most were even refusing to speak Voldemort’s name, only calling him You-Know-Who or He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and even those silly titles brought shudders upon some people.  
  
And soon, they’d be out there, outside of the castle walls, standing on their own two feet, in the middle of what was slowly but surely becoming bloodshed. He glanced furtively at Sirius and James, knowing they were both planning on becoming Aurors, and as such, would be in the thick of things.  
  
As for Peter…well, even if Peter didn't get very good grades and seemingly struggled in all of his classes; barely managing to scrape an 'Acceptable', he knew that he would still have more options than Remus, who, with his lycanthropy had a very limited amount of positions to choose from. The Ministry didn’t hire werewolves, and most other employers were loath to go against Ministry policies, so Remus had no idea what to do after graduation. Maybe he’d end up as a clerk in his father’s bookstore. Joy.  
  
But Remus also knew that whatever happened, he could deal with it as long as the Marauders stuck together. James, Sirius and Peter were his first and only true friends and he would hate to lose them.  
  
The hat finally finished its song to scattered applause with many students whispering and some looking frightened, and the first-years who stood in the entrance to the hall were all looking positively terrified. Sirius groaned.  
  
“Finally! I thought the hat would never shut up.”  
  
Remus grinned. Sirius would never change. James, however, was frowning. “I thought the song was quite interesting this year. You should have listened.”  
  
Sirius let his head fall onto the table with a loud ’thunk.’ “James,” he said. “If you’re going to turn into a copy of Moony, only worse – ”  
  
“ – Hey!” Remus protested.  
  
“ – I think I might just kill you.”  
  
James rolled his eyes, and turned to Peter whose stomach had let out a loud growl.  
  
“Hungry?”  
  
Peter nodded. “Yes.”  
  
“You stuffed yourself full of sweets on the train,” Remus said, incredulously. “How can you possibly be hungry already?”  
  
Peter shrugged.  
  
“He’s always hungry,” Sirius quipped. “After six odd years of friendship, I thought you would have learned that by now, Moony.”  
  
“Psst, James!” Michaela Duncan, one of the Chasers for the Gryffindor Quidditch team and also a seventh-year, called out at the same time as McGonagall yelled out “Gray, Joseph.” “Have you scheduled any practices yet?”  
  
James shook his head. “I’ll have to check our schedule first, and then make sure it doesn’t collide with the duties I’ll have as Head Boy, and the Prefect patrols.”  
  
“Sounds awfully ambitious and organised of you, James,” Michaela said, impressed, before turning her attention back to the sorting. McGonagall was now onto “Hanning, Margaret.”  
  
A few seats away from Michaela, Lily was actually looking pleasantly surprised, and James’ heart swelled with pride. Maybe this whole becoming-responsible-thing would work out. He put his elbows on the table and let his head rest on his hands, staring dreamily at the green-eyed beauty, who knew she was being watched but was doing her best to ignore it.  
  
“Jones, Alyssa,” McGonagall called out in her no-nonsense voice, and Remus watched as a blonde slowly made her way to the hat, staring excitedly at everything in the hall, and pausing every now and then to let out a gasp of appreciation. McGonagall was tapping her foot impatiently at the floor.  
  
“I’ll bet you a Galleon that she’ll end up in Hufflepuff,” Sirius said, nudging Remus.  
  
Remus eyes narrowed, and he stared in focused concentration at the girl who finally had taken her seat on the stool and was now getting the hat put on by McGonagall.  
  
“Ravenclaw,” he said, determined, turning to Sirius. “I’ll take that bet.”  
  
Sirius smirked. “You just lost yourself a Galleon, Moony.”  
  
Several seconds later, the girl still hadn’t been sorted. Sirius yawned, giving Remus an eye-roll. “And I who hoped she would be a quick one,” Sirius mumbled under his breath, bored. Remus grinned, turning around back to the hat which was finally opening its brim…  
  
“…RAVENCLAW!” The hat yelled out, and Sirius’ jaw dropped, and he handed Remus a Galleon. “How did you do that?” he wondered.  
  
Remus shrugged. “Lucky guess.” His shrug turned into a grin. “Or maybe I am just that good.”  
  
“Egoism does not become you, Moony,” Sirius stated. “That’s my tune, and you know it.”  
  
James finally tore his eyes from Lily and he gave them a curious look. “What are you talking about?”  
  
Sirius and Remus gave each other a look that said ’hopeless.’  
  
“Pranks, of course, dear Prongs,” Sirius said, bringing out the trump card and the only thing that could take James’ mind from Evans when he was in one of his ’worshipping-moods.’ “What else?”  
  
James lit up.  
  
By the time the first-years had all been sorted, the Marauders were whispering excitedly, waving their hands around in gestures and occasional sniggers coming from the close-huddled group.  
  
“Welcome! Welcome to another year at Hogwarts!” Dumbledore said, and the Marauders looked up, giving each other meaningful glances that said, ’we’ll finish this later.’  
  
“For some of you, it is the first, and for others, it is the last. As usual, the Forbidden Forest is what it sounds - forbidden. Some students should know this by now,” Dumbledore's eyes settled on the Marauders - especially James and Sirius, who put on their best innocent smiles.  
  
 _‘The only thing missing is the halo’,_ Remus thought and snorted.  
  
Dumbledore spoke up again. “I also have another bit of news for you - or maybe it is starting to become more of a tradition - I have managed to find another Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher even this year - Professor Malcovitz, who unfortunately couldn't make it to the feast, but will be here in good time before classes begin.”  
  
There were sniggers at this, during all of Remus’ years at Hogwarts, and apparently, several years before them as well no one had managed to hold the DADA post for longer than a year. Rumour had it that the position was cursed, or jinxed, and that Dumbledore found it harder and harder to convince someone to take the post - almost no one asked for it freely anymore.  
  
Remus crossed his fingers, hoping the teacher was good this year – or well, at least fairly competent. DADA was his overall favourite and best subject, and he thought it was one of the most important as well. And if a war was coming, it was even more important than ever. Remus did not plan on sitting on the sidelines, even if he couldn’t work as an Auror.  
  
“I have also been asked by Mr Filch, our caretaker, to remind you all that no magic should be used between classes in the corridors,” Dumbledore continued, regarding the students over his half-moon spectacles. “Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of the term. Anyone interested in playing for their House teams should contact the flying instructor, Madam Smith, and the Quidditch Captain for your house.”  
  
James leaned over towards the two gossipers of Gryffindor, a couple of fourth-years, keeping his voice low so he wouldn’t interrupt Dumbledore’s speech.  
  
“That’s me. We need a new Keeper and a new Chaser this year, and there are two positions on the reserve team open – Chaser and Beater - so everyone interested, please sign up as soon as possible. Could you pass the message on to the rest of the table, please?” He threw them a charming grin. The two girls blushed and giggled, but nodded, and soon, James’ message was spreading in rapid succession to everyone else.  
  
“…Finally, Mr Filch also says that any maps, or enchanted parchments found will be confiscated immediately,” Dumbledore finished. “Now, I have just two more words for you: tuck in!” Squeals of excitement were heard from the first-years as food and drink of all sorts appeared on the table. All the students quickly started to shuffle as much food as they could manage onto their plates.  
  
The Marauders gave each other panic-stricken looks as they passed around the food and started to heap it up. Last year, Remus had got the idea of creating a map of the school, where you could see all the secret passages and rooms, plus everyone inside the school grounds. The other Marauders had been very excited about the idea and decided to go through with it.  
  
It had been a big help for their mayhem creating, mischief planning, and prank playing during their free time. The map had also been a great help after they managed to become Animagi and started to sneak out to Remus in the Whomping Willow during his transformations.  
  
“Ho-chan’t-no-wout-th-wharavors-wap, chan’e?” Peter muttered worriedly, chewing wildly.  
  
“What?” James said, confused. “Speak up, Pete!”  
  
Peter swallowed. “He can’t know about the Marauder’s Map, can he?” he repeated.  
  
“He knows everything,” Sirius said, shrugging. “I’d say he does. We’ll just have to be more careful with it this year.”  
  
Suddenly, several students started to talk excitedly, and were pointing at the ceiling. The Marauders looked up, watching in a mixture of surprise, excitement and slight apprehension as the magical ceiling seemed to splinter apart. In the gap, a blue swirl started to take shape, growing bigger and bigger, and slowly lowering itself downward.  
Now the teachers had noticed it too.  
  
“Please, move away from your tables and back towards the walls,” Dumbledore commanded and slight chaos broke out, when everyone tried to leave at the same time.  
  
“I think it’s a portal,” they heard Lily Evans say in realisation, as they reached the wall and Remus thought she was probably correct. There wasn’t much else it could be, really. All the teachers, and some students, among them Sirius and James, had their wands pointed at it, in case, something would fall out of the blue swirl…  
  
And something did.  
  
Most of the girls let out shrieks of fright, and a lot of the boys yelled loudly in shock as a shape fell out and crashed down onto the middle of the floor. The students walked hesitantly closer.  
  
“Stay where you are!” Dumbledore said, and everyone froze. The white-bearded Headmaster slowly made his way towards the shape, his wand still out and pointing at it.  
  
“It’s a girl!” Someone from the Hufflepuff table called out, and there were excited murmurs. Remus leaned forwards slightly; to try and get a better look…it was a girl. And she was unconscious, bleeding heavily from her stomach, looking rather beat-up and bruised.  
  
Dumbledore kneeled down by her, checking for a pulse. “Poppy!” He said, and the matron quickly made her way over.  
  
“Who is she, Albus?” Remus heard her ask.  
  
“As of now,” Dumbledore said. “One of your patients, it seems.” He stood up, waving his wand, and a stretcher appeared, onto which he carefully levitated the girl.  
  
The Marauders watched in fascination as the Headmaster and Poppy quickly walked out of the Great Hall, the doors closing behind them. A second later, the students broke into excited chattering.  
  
Remus, though, was frowning. The girl had looked so small and frail…and yet, there had been something about her…something that spoke of strength, courage and yet vulnerability.  
  
Something deeper, lurking under the surface of an innocent facade…something that made his heart beat a little bit faster…and Remus knew, without a doubt, that his last year had just become a lot more interesting.

* * *

_A bright flash travelled quicker than the eye could see through all dimensions, restoring and changing the order wherever it touched, no reality unaffected._

_The portal Buffy Summers had fallen through was closed as the Fates worked to restore the balance and repair the damage made. The dimension that had held two Slayers for over a year now only held one – one potential road ended, and another began._

_Within the world of witchcraft and wizardry - the world of a future prophecy regarding an as of yet unborn Harry James Potter and a rising Dark Lord - destinies and futures were rewritten._

_Previously unfeasible paths suddenly became achievable for all champions of light, dark and grey. New possibilities opened, while others were blocked._

_The numerous roads were dipped in shadow. Only time would tell which paths would be chosen and only time would reveal the consequences of those choices._

_The first step had been taken. But many remained before the road would become clear and one outcome more apparent than all others._

_The fate of the world was as of yet uncertain._

* * *

**Published:** 02/03 -13

 **Edited:** 24/08 -13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** This story is also posted under the same username at Twisting the Hellmouth and Fanfiction.net, though the version at TtH has not been edited or revised like the version here and at FF.net has: Some things have been changed around, some things removed and/or added, and all in all, there's a slightly better flow to it. One day, I'll get around to reposting this version on TtH as well, but until then, please enjoy Road of Innocence as it's meant to be read here at Ao3 or at FF.net. /ladyvisionary


	2. Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

Buffy opened her eyes, blinking slightly, letting her eyes adjust to the lightning. Looking around in confusion, she realised she was probably in a hospital of some kind: bright lights, sterile environment – it all _screamed_ medical facility.  
  
Hearing a noise, she quickly closed her eyes again, feigning sleep. The sound of brisk steps approaching had her tensing beneath the covers, prepared to make a run for it should whoever it was turn out to be a threat.  
  
She could hear a mutter of words, and she thought she saw a flash of light from under her eyelids, a strange feeling enveloping her: She barely held back a shiver, though she was unable to stop goose bumps from appearing along her arms, thankfully hidden beneath the bedspread.  
  
Another set of steps approached – less brisk, but heavier, and the Slayer knew that whoever this second person was, he – or she – had a lot of power, though of what kind, she was unable to tell.  
  
“Poppy,” a jovial voice said. “How is our patient?”  
  
“Still asleep. She has no fever, and no sign of infection. Really, her recovery is miraculous! Merely hours ago, she was dying, and now, there’s almost no sign she was ever hurt at all, with barely any treatment.”  
  
The man, whom Buffy figured had entered the room last, hummed slightly under his breath. “Most curious that,” he said. “Perhaps she will have an explanation for us when she awakes.”  
  
“Do you think she’s a Muggle?” The female voice said.  
  
Buffy inwardly frowned. A what? She felt more confused than ever, and more than a little freaked out. A Muggle? What was that supposed to mean?  
  
“Doubtful. Her arrival makes that unlikely, as does the fact that she’s even here in the first place. If she were a Muggle, the castle’s enchantments should make it impossible for her to find it, let alone arrive _in_ it.”  
  
Enchantments… Buffy’s mind was swirling. So wherever she was, they must know about magic, unless they were nuts, of course. She was also in a castle, and her spider-sense wasn’t tingling in a bad way… She took a chance.  
  
She moved slightly beneath the covers letting out a slight groan as she pretended to wake.  
  
“Albus!” The female – Poppy – hissed. “She’s waking up!”  
  
“I can see that,” Albus said, sounding amused. “Hello, child.”  
  
Buffy blinked slightly, and had to blink again, as she came face to face with an old man, with an impossibly long white beard, bright blue eyes twinkling – yes, _twinkling_ – from behind half-moon spectacles. “Umm…hello,” she said warily.  
  
The eyes began to twinkle even more, if that was possible. “How are you feeling?” The old man asked, one of his wrinkled hands grabbing Buffy’s and massaging it softly with his thumb. The grandfatherly gesture made Buffy relax somewhat and sink back against her pillows, though she was still on her guard, her eyes noting every possible exit, as well as the position of the woman hovering behind the much older man.  
  
“A little sore,” Buffy admitted.  
  
The nurse – Poppy - spoke up. “I just changed the bandages on your stomach wound, and you seem to be healing surprisingly fast.”  
  
Buffy blushed. “Yeah. I…heal very quickly.  
  
The man smiled. “Would you mind telling me what happened?” he asked as he stared deeply into her eyes, and suddenly, Buffy felt as if he could read her soul. She quickly looked away.  
  
“You still haven’t told me who you are or where I am,” she said quietly, changing the subject and pulled her hand out of his grip, tensing up slightly. Maybe she was paranoid, but better safe than sorry.  
  
“I apologise,” the man said soothingly. “My name is Albus Dumbledore, and you  
are at my school in Scotland.”  
  
Buffy’s head snapped up. She’d thought there was something decidedly British about the way they spoke… “How?” she asked. “The last thing I remember, I was in Los Angeles.”  
  
“America?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Dumbledore nodded thoughtfully. “Do you not remember anything that happened?” he asked.  
  
Buffy’s face became a blank slate as she thought about the last few moments before her world went black. A demon…getting her ass kicked…a portal. Though it seemed they knew about magic – the talk about enchantments, not to mention the _moving portraits_ and a pitcher pouring water into a cup _by itself_ on her side table was kind of revealing – she still didn’t know if she could trust him.  
  
“No,” she lied.  
  
“I see,” Dumbledore said, but it didn’t sound like he believed her. “Would it help if I told you that you are in a school for witchcraft and wizardry?” He gave Poppy a look, and Poppy gave him a nod of understanding, fingering her wand in case she’d need to _Obliviate_ the young woman.  
  
The fact that they were honest about the magic relaxed her somewhat, though she was still shocked by the fact that she was in a school for it, and she knew better than to let her guard down completely. Buffy looked up. “A school for magic?” she shook her head ruefully. “Willow would love this…”  
  
“You don’t seem surprised,” Dumbledore said carefully.  
  
Buffy snorted. “There’s not much that surprises me anymore. I deal with the supernatural on a daily basis.”  
  
“So you are a witch then?” Dumbledore asked.  
  
“No,” Buffy said, looking up and meeting Dumbledore’s eyes again, hesitating slightly before saying her next sentence: “But I am the Vampire Slayer.”  
  
“It can’t be!” Poppy gasped, and Dumbledore stared, looking thoroughly shocked.  
  
“Oh my,” he said, actually sounding delighted. “Well, this certainly changes things!”  
  
“It does?” Buffy wondered, trying not to blink as the nurse who was now pointing her stick, which tip was shining in a bright light – directly at her eyes.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“She doesn’t seem to have any brain damage,” the nurse said. “Name?”  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Buffy Summers,” she said, sighing. She was in a magic school, and they still thought she was crazy when she said she was the Slayer.  
  
The nurse looked surprised. “Buffy? Really? I have never heard of such a name…”  
  
Buffy glared.  
  
“…Age and date of birth, please?”  
  
“Seventeen. I was born in January, 1981.”  
  
The nurse and Dumbledore gave each other worried looks, to Buffy’s confusion. “What?”  
  
“My dear girl, I am afraid that is not possible,” Dumbledore said gently.  
  
“Why not?” Buffy said, feeling slightly offended. First, they didn’t believe she was the Slayer then they thought her name was funny and now they were trying to convince her that she wasn’t seventeen! “Don’t I look old enough or something?”  
  
“No, that’s not it at all,” Poppy explained. “But…the year is only 1977. According to your logic, you haven’t even been born yet.”  
  
“Stop messing with my head,” Buffy exclaimed angrily, sitting up, trying not to wince. ”I was born in 1981, now it’s 1998 not 1977!”  
  
“The year is 1977, whether you want it to be or not,” Dumbledore said calmly.  
  
“I am not crazy!” Buffy exclaimed in protest, and the old Headmaster held up a hand to silence her.  
  
“I did not say you were. There is one way that could make both of us correct in our statements, however. Are you a time-traveller?”  
  
Buffy frowned. “Well…I-I don’t think so…” But she wasn’t certain. There had been a portal involved, after all…  
  
Dumbledore leaned back into his chair. “Tell me everything from the beginning. How did you get caught up in the portal that landed you in our Great Hall?”

“I was patrolling, looking for vampires, but then I found this demon. Big. Very tough. He…well,” Buffy winced a bit in embarrassment. “I obviously lost.” She made a helpless gesture towards her stomach and Dumbledore nodded in understanding. “And then the ground broke and a portal appeared, I was dragged in…and, well, here I am.” She shrugged. “So…do you think it was a time portal?”  
  
Dumbledore fingered his beard. “No.”  
  
Buffy’s eyes widened. “I just told you everything!” She said incredulously. “And you still think I’m out of my mind?”  
  
“No. I do not. I do think you travelled not only through time…but also space. I believe that your Los Angeles is not our Los Angeles, and that our England is not your England. You, Miss Summers, have ended up in another dimension – or universe, if you prefer – entirely. I am sure your Watcher – you do have a Watcher, don’t you?”  
  
“Yes…”  
  
“Well, I am sure he would have told you about us otherwise,” Dumbledore continued. “We are very well known in magical and supernatural circles, so he should have been aware of us had we existed in your world. Also – ”  
  
“ – Wait,” Buffy interrupted. “What do you mean by ’us’? Hogwarts?”

“Oh, no,” Dumbledore chuckled. “The entire magical community. We are ’hidden’ from the Muggles – ”  
  
“– ’Muggles’ – that’s that word again,” Buffy said. “What does it mean?”  
  
“Non-magical people,” Dumbledore explained. “The magical community is a world of its own. We even have our own government, our own land, our own hospital, taxes and currency. All of it invisible to Muggles.” Dumbledore chuckled.  
  
Buffy took a deep breath. “Okay then. So…I suppose you have a Slayer here to, then? Can I meet her?”  
  
Dumbledore shook his head.  
  
“We do not have a Slayer – nor do we have that many demons, actually, though we have a lot of other creatures instead. Here, the Slayer is nothing but a myth. Something we tell the children at night, to keep them from being frightened of the ’bad monsters’. Something else that sets your world and ours apart.”

“So…I guess that’s why your nurse…Poppy?”  
  
“ – You can call her Madam Pomfrey.”  
  
“Right. So that’s why Madam Pomfrey thought I was a little nuts when I said I was her,” Buffy said.  
  
Dumbledore smiled. “Probably.” He clasped his hands together. “Now, there is the matter of what we are supposed to do with you.”  
  
“Do with me?”  
  
“Until I have found a way to get you back to where you belong, you will have to stay here.”  
  
Buffy was taken aback. “How long do you think it will take?” she wondered out loud.  
  
“That depends. To be frank, at the moment, I have no idea where to even begin.” Dumbedore gave her a grave look. “Indeed, getting you home may be completely impossible, but I can assure, I will do my very best.”  
  
Buffy wasn’t sure whether she was scared or excited about having to stay in this new world for God knows how long. She couldn’t help that the excitement was bigger than the fear though. This might just be the fresh start she’d been looking for. Far away from all the memories…it was certainly selfish, wishing to stay here, she thought with a twinge of guilt, but she couldn’t help it. On the other hand, did she really want to stay here _forever?_  
  
Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled as if he knew what she was thinking, and he pulled out a small, yellow candy from the pocket in his purple robe. “Sherbet lemon?”

“Eh…no, thank you,” Buffy said politely. ”So…if I’m going to stay here,” she said slowly. “What will I do? Sit and twiddle with my thumbs until you figure out a way send me back?”  
  
Dumbledore chuckled. “No. I actually thought you could become a student.”  
  
“As a…witch?” Buffy said in disbelief.  
  
“Yes. You are the Slayer, which means you have a natural affinity to magic – not to mention a lot of raw power – I think it would be good for you to learn how to harness it in a way other than just physical battle. It could come in handy, and you would have something to do. You will have to get a wand, of course, so someone will have to go with you to Diagon Alley.”  
  
“A wand? Is that what the…stick is?” Buffy asked, wanting to get her facts straight.  
  
“Yes. It channels our magic,” Dumbledore explained. “It gives us better control.”  
  
“And Diagon Alley?”

“It’s the biggest magical shopping area in Great Britain.”  
  
Buffy brightened, straightening up. “When can I go?”  
  
Dumbledore chuckled. “Well…”  
  
“You will have to recover first,” Madam Pomfrey said, cutting in.  
  
“I feel fine, honest!” Buffy protested, swiping of the covers, sitting up and swinging her leg over the bed. She stared in disgust at the hospital gown, shuddering. She hated hospitals.  
  
There was a knock on the door, and Buffy spun around, as did Dumbledore in his chair. Buffy watched curiously as two students, she presumed, in her age, stepped inside.  
  
“Ah, Miss Evans, Mr Lupin. Please, come in.”  
  
“We just wanted to see how she was doing,” Remus said, a slight blush covering his cheeks, his eyes meeting Buffy’s.  
  
“That’s quite understandable,” Dumbledore said. “Are Misters Black and Potter not with you?”  
  
Lily shook her head. “No. J- I mean, Potter, is showing the first-years to the dorms.”  
  
“And Peter and Sirius are having a food war,” Remus added, giving the now blushing redhead a slightly amused look. He had noticed her almost-slip. Maybe this year _would_ be James’ year, despite all odds.  
  
Dumbledore chuckled. “I see. Well, it is a good thing you showed up. This is Buffy Summers, from America.”  
  
Remus and Lily nodded in understanding.  
  
Buffy waved, feeling a little embarrassed. “Hi,” she said.  
  
“There was a…rather bad accident with her Portkey,” Dumbledore lied easily. “She was supposed to show up in my office - in one piece. As you all witnessed in the Great Hall, something went wrong.”  
  
“That’s the understatement of the year,” Buffy muttered, earning herself chuckles from the other two students.  
  
“She will join you in your seventh year. I do not yet know in which house, but Poppy, if you would be so kind as to ask Minerva to bring the Sorting Hat here?”  
  
“Of course, Headmaster,” Poppy said, walking quickly from the room.  
  
“Miss Summers has been home schooled,” Dumbledore continued to explain, the lies seemingly rolling smoothly off his tongue, while Buffy had trouble with keeping the story straight in her already confused head. She had to ask Dumbledore what a Portkey was.

Dumbledore turned back to Buffy again. “This is Remus Lupin and Lily Evans, both seventh-years as well. Mr Lupin is a Prefect, and Miss Evans is this year’s Head Girl, so if you have any further questions or need help, they are who you should ask. The Head Boy’s name is James Potter, and there are several other Prefects as well.”  
  
Buffy nodded, and Lily, a naturally beautiful redhead with sparkling green eyes grinned at her, and Buffy immediately felt at ease. Remus Lupin, standing beside her, was also quite good looking, in a nice, almost casual way, Buffy noted to herself. He had blue eyes and dark blonde hair with strands of light, golden brown which fell slightly into his eyes.  
  
While there wasn’t anything about him that really _stood out,_ there was still something that said there was more to him than met the eye - something beneath the surface, but Buffy wasn’t able to put a finger on what, just that it wasn’t _bad_. She shook the feeling off, as Madam Pomfrey returned, accompanied by a rather stern-looking woman – whom, Buffy assumed, was Minerva - carrying a very old-looking hat. Dumbledore gave her a look which said he’d explain ’everything’ later.  
  
“This is the Sorting Hat,” Dumbledore said, taking the Hat from Minerva. “You put it on your head and it will let you know what House you belong in. There are four of them, all with different qualities. Gryffindors’ are brave, Slytherins are cunning, in Ravenclaw cherishes intelligence and Hufflepuffs are kind and loyal. Of course, it’s not quite that simple, but those are general characteristics of each house.” He promptly let the hat fall onto Buffy’s head, and she jumped as she felt a voice whisper in her ear:  
  
 _‘...A Slayer, hmm? I never thought I would get the honour of meeting one, at least not in this universe. Curious, most curious...’_  
  
Buffy laughed nervously. _‘So I’m special then.’_  
  
The Sorting Hat chuckled. _‘Indeed. Now let’s see…I see a great power in you. Larger than you might think. And a big heart. You are very loyal to your friends...you would do well in Hufflepuff because of that trait, but no...I see there is also intelligence...'_  
  
 _‘Well, I’d certainly hope so,’_ Buffy thought.  
  
 _‘...but you don't have the patience for a Ravenclaw. This is difficult indeed...You have bravery, oh, yes, a lot...but you are a bit of impulsive at times. You'd do well in Gryffindor, that's for sure. And perhaps Slytherin... Hmm…yes, very difficult. But no…while Slytherin might help you on your path, it could also corrupt you. No, no, that would not do. You would not be happy there either...’_  
  
The hat was silent for a long time, and Buffy started to get slightly impatient. _‘Hello?'_  
  
 _‘Oh, I am sorry...I just found something very interesting.'_ The hat paused for a second before continuing. _‘You chose to send your lover to Hell, I see.’_  
  
Buffy paled, wondering how he could know that, and the hat chuckled. _‘Oh, I just do. It’s all here in your head.’_ The hat became grave again. _‘You could have stepped away. But you did what you thought was right. You made your choice then. Now you have another choice to make. You can stay in the past, or live in the present and embrace your future.’_  
  
 _‘It’s not that easy,’_ Buffy thought, blinking angrily against the tears suddenly appearing in her eyes.  
  
 _‘And I never said it was. But it is the first step of many to realise that the only way is forward, onward. It will be hard, yes. It will be painful, yes. But it might, in the end, prove to be worth it. If you let yourself move on, you will find more than what you lost,’_ the hat finished mysteriously.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes, and let her tears fall freely. She barely listened to the Hat as it yelled out “GRYFFINDOR” for all in the room to hear. The hat was pulled off, and Buffy looked up, eyes red-rimmed. She quickly dried her eyes.  
  
Lily gave her a worried look and pulled out a tissue. “Are you alright?”  
  
Buffy smiled weakly, accepting the tissue gratefully. “I will be.”  
  
Dumbledore looked very pleased. “Well, if you are certain you are well enough to leave, Miss Evans and Mr Lupin will take you to Gryffindor Tower. Come to my office tomorrow morning – have someone show you the way – and we will talk some more.”  
  
“Alright,” Buffy nodded, barely noticing as the stern-looking woman transfigured her hospital gown into a robe of some kind. Walking out of the Hospital Wing, Lily Evans at one side and Remus Lupin at the other, she was all too aware of them watching her with a mixture of concern and curiosity. “Thank you,” Buffy added over her shoulder for Dumbledore to hear. “For everything.”  
  
The Headmaster smiled. “You are very welcome, dear child.”

* * *

As Buffy made her way to the Gryffindor common room, walking through the corridors with Remus and Lily, she did her best not to show surprise at the moving paintings, the sudden appearance of ghosts and everything else that was ’witchcraft-y’, while at the same time trying to memorise the route.  
  
The walk was spent in silence, Remus and Lily throwing the occasional glance at Buffy, who was busy taking in her surroundings. As they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, Lily spoke the password “don’t dwell on dreams,” and the portrait swung open, revealing the Gryffindor common room, which Buffy gave a quick once over:  
  
It was very beautiful with a fire was flickering warmly casting shadows upon the red and gold furniture. Students from all years were sitting or slouching in the chairs and couches, chattering slightly. The chatter died, though, as Buffy, Lily and Remus entered.  
  
“This is Buffy Summers,” Remus said. “She’ll be joining us for our seventh year. If you wonder about her… _arrival_ , it is because her Portkey had a rather strange sense of humour.” There were snorts at this, and Buffy’s lips twitched. “Come on,” Remus gestured with his head towards a corner of the room where his fellow pranksters sat. “I’ll introduce you to my friends.”  
  
Lily rolled her eyes. “Spare her the pain, Remus,” she muttered.  
  
“They’re not that bad!” Remus said, voice defensive, as he turned back around to look at the redhead. “I’m sure you’d like them if you got to know them, Lily.”  
  
Lily only snorted in answer. She was a little jealous, really. She knew that once you got to know the Marauders and they charmed you with their smiles and their wicked sense of humour you were stuck.

Lily had hoped she could have had Buffy all to herself - it was selfish, perhaps, but she didn't really have any close girl friends at Hogwarts. She grimaced in remembrance. She only had herself to blame, really.

During her first few years, she had been obsessed with studying, to soak up and bask in all the new knowledge and secrets the wizarding world held. However, in doing so, Lily knew she might have come across as rather snotty to the girls who might have wanted to get to know her better. It didn't help that she'd spent a lot of time with Severus, who, as a Slytherin, scared all potentials friends away by just existing. He'd always been rather intimidating and no one approved of their friendship or understood why she hung around him in the first place. The only person from Gryffindor her own age who she had spent any actual time around was Remus when they studied together in the library.

They hadn't really talked at all during those first few months at Hogwarts, but she had nonetheless appreciated Remus' silent company. It made her feel slightly less lost in the new world she had found herself in. After Christmas during that first year, he had slowly started to open up and they had grown closer. Today, But at the same time as she really got to know him, he became more and more involved with the Marauders. Remus was a true friend, but James, Peter and Sirius would always take precedent as his _best_ friends.

As for her roomates, Mary and Madeline MacDonald, she wasn’t ‘girly’ enough to fit in with them and their friends, and as twins, they would always be closest to one another. The only Gryffindor girl in her year she could hold an intelligent conversation with was Michaela Duncan, but she lived in a different dorm with the other two Gryffindor girls their age, Jessica Lester and Ashley Armstrong. Jessica and Ashley had known each other since their days in diapers and while they were nice enough, it was also obvious they didn’t want anyone else to intrude on their friendship. And Michaela, while she was as far from a girly-girl one could get, was a little bit obsessed with sports, Quidditch in particular, whereas Lily couldn’t care less, and Michaela also had a boyfriend – and best friend - in her just as Quidditch-manic teammate, Nick Vandom. And Lily would never pretend to be someone she wasn’t just to fit in better.

The only close, genuine female friend Lily had had was Alice Fortescue, but she had graduated two years ago (and quickly tied the knot with Frank Longbottom, her boyfriend since fourth year). Ever since, Lily had been looking forward to her own graduation day, when she could finally get away from all the stereotypes and James ‘I love to stalk you’ Potter.  
    
Buffy watched Remus and Lily ’bicker’ with amusement. “It’s okay, Lily. I’d like to meet Remus’ friends.”  
  
Remus gave the redhead a triumphant – but not mean – grin and led Buffy away from the redhead, and to the corner were the Marauders sat, Sirius and Peter covered in food. “Oi,” Remus said, and they looked up. “Guys, meet Buffy, Buffy, meet the Marauders.”  
  
“Hi,” Buffy said a little shyly. From a quick look at the group, she realised they were probably pretty popular.  
  
“Loved your arrival,” one of the guys spoke up, his grey eyes twinkling mischievously and a charming grin on his face which were surrounded by dark black hair, almost shoulder-length. “Beats everything. I’m Sirius Black.”

He stuck out a hand, and Buffy shook it. “Hi, nice to meet you.”  
  
The boy with hazel eyes and glasses spoke up next, ruffling his already messy black hair. He quickly stopped though, as he saw Lily roll her eyes at him from across the room. He coughed slightly, a small blush on his cheeks. “I’m James Potter, this year’s Head Boy and Quidditch Captain for the Gryffindor team.”  
  
“Hi.” Buffy desperately wanted to ask what Quidditch was, but didn’t, just in case it was one of those things you just _know._ It seemed to be a sport of some kind, though.  
  
“And that’s Peter Pettigrew,” James continued, pointing over to a boy with thin, colourless hair and watery eyes. He gave her a kind, rather shy smile.

“How do you find Hogwarts so far?” he asked, blushing slightly as he looked at her.

“It’s...nice,” Buffy smiled. “I haven’t seen the whole castle yet, but it’s very beautiful, in a mediaeval, old kind of way. And hey! Real ghosts. That’s awesome.”

The Marauders laughed, and Lily took that moment to walk up the Slayer. “Buffy,” she interrupted, figuring the guys had had their moment. “If you can tear yourself from these clowns for a moment, I can show you your dorm.”  
  
“Oh, sure,” Buffy said. “G’night, guys.”  
  
The moment she and Lily were out of sight, James and Sirius turned to Remus: “So what did you learn?” James asked eagerly. “Was it really a Portkey accident that dropped her off in the Great Hall? With those injuries? And speaking of – I saw no sign of them now...how did she heal so quick?”

“I don’t know, but Poppy has worked wonders before,” Remus said. “And according to Dumbledore, it was a Portkey. I see no reason why he would lie.”

“Never mind that stuff,” Sirius said impatiently. “What’s she like? She’s hot, that’s for sure!”

Remus was quiet for a second. “Sad,” he finally said, and his friends exchanged looks of disbelief.

“That’s it?” Peter asked sceptically. “You find her _sad?”_

Remus shrugged. “I guess. There’s just something about her...”

Sirius slowly began to smirk. “You like her,” he said with a teasing grin, and James eyebrows rose as Remus neck began to gain a healthy flush.

“You do! I can’t believe it! Moony has a crush!” James sniggered, even as Peter frowned.

Sirius began to sing: “…Remus likes Buffy, Remus likes Buffy…” It didn’t take long for James to join in, though Peter remained quiet.  
  
Remus glared. “Stop that! And I do not.” He quickly decided to change the subject to something that would with certainty take the spotlight of off him. “Prongs, Lily almost called you _James._ I thought you should know,” he said with a grin.  
  
“What!” James yelled loudly, standing up. “She did?” He was swooning.  
  
Remus rolled his eyes. “Take notice of the _almost._ You’re not there yet.”  
  
But James didn’t seem to hear. He was jumping up and down, dancing and singing to himself. “She likes me, she likes me, oh, yeah, oh yeah…”  
  
Sirius gave Remus a look of faked despair. “Now look what you’ve done.”

* * *

“This is going to be your dorm,” Lily said, opening the door to the room she was sleeping in. “You’ll be sharing with me, Mary and Madeleine MacDonald. They’re twins. They can be a bit…well, girly, at times, but they’re nice.” Inwardly, she prayed Buffy wasn’t one of those ‘girly’ people who would take offence at the comment.

Buffy looked around, sitting down on the only bed not surrounded or covered in things, assuming it would be hers, looking up at Lily gratefully. “Thanks. This is great. I mean, we don’t really know each other, and you’ve all been so nice to me.”  
  
Lily’s lips twitched. “Well, fellow Gryffindors help each other out, you know. And it’s part of my duty as Head Girl to make sure you feel comfortable.”  
  
Buffy’s face fell a little, and Lily’s eyes widened. “Oh, I didn’t mean that I don’t like you, or am just doing it because I have to!” She added quickly. “In fact, I’d really like to become friends.” She flushed a little. “I don’t have that many close ones,” she admitted, embarrassed. “I haven’t let anyone get that close, not since Se – ” She suddenly snapped her mouth shut, as though she had been on her way to say something she didn’t want Buffy to hear.  
  
“Ah…anyway, I’ve always been more interested in books. The only one I can say that I am close to is Remus, but he's a Marauder, first and foremost. I have to admit, while I don't approve of their pranks, I’m quite jealous of their close-knit friendship – and, he’s a boy, while I’m a girl. There is stuff you just don’t tell a boy.”

Buffy grinned. “Do you like him?”  
  
“Who?” Lily looked confused for a second, before her face cleared. “Oh, you mean Remus. No, not that way. He’s a good person, and really nice, but…no.” She blushed. ”It would…turn out to be more awkward than anything. We have a…nice friendship.”  
  
Buffy let an eyebrow rise. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”  
  
Lily’s blush deepened. “We did…date. Kind of. In third year. We’d been study-buddies from the very beginning, and we were…going through that growing up phase: Suddenly, it seemed like all our friends started dating – although, that’s obviously just as we imagined it – and we thought, ‘what the heck, let’s give it a go,’ right?”  
  
“Right.” Buffy nodded at Lily to keep going.  
  
“He asked me, with a quick scribbled note, if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I sent it back, with a ’yes’. After class, we went to the library as usual. But it was…really weird.” She sniggered a bit. “I mean, we used to be able to tell each other pretty much everything, and there we sat, boyfriend and girlfriend, and weren’t saying a peep. Two days went by with hand-holding and awkward silences, which were sometimes interrupted by one of us opening our mouth to say something, only to close it again, and start blushing. After that, we broke up - with another note - and then we returned to our old friendship, both pretending our ’dating-phase’ never happened. To this day, we never talk about it.”  
  
Buffy burst out laughing. “That sounds…plenty romantic.”  
  
“Yes, it sure does,” Lily said wryly, the sarcastic tone in her voice too obvious to miss. “Unfortunately, this all led to James Potter taking notice of me. And of himself, I’m afraid. He’s always messing up his hair and playing with that stupid Snitch because he thinks it makes him look cool…” Buffy tried not to look confused at the mention of yet another thing she knew nothing about. “…He’s been a pain in the arse ever since. He won’t leave me alone, constantly asking me out. It’s so annoying!”  
  
Buffy gave her a knowing look.  
  
Lily flushed. “What?”  
  
“Nothing,” Buffy said innocently, pulling up her legs, and closing the curtains. “’Night.”  
  
“What?” Lily repeated. “Buffy?”  
  
No answer, but a silent snort of amusement.  
  
 _“Buffy!”_ "

* * *

The bed creaked. A silent sigh. Another creak. Buffy turned and twisted in her bed, caught up in a dream – a memory… Her eyes flickered behind closed lids.  
  
 _“Now that's everything, huh? No weapons, no friends, no hope...take all that away...and what's left?”  
  
“Me.”_  
  
Buffy frowned in her sleep her covers twisting up around her legs. She let out a quiet whimper.  
  
 _“Buffy? What's going on? Where are we? I-I don't remember...”  
_ _  
“Angel?”  
  
“You're hurt. Oh, Buffy...God...I feel like I haven't seen you in months. Oh, my God...everything's so muddled...I...oh...oh, Buffy...What's happening?”  
  
“Shh...don't worry about it...I love you.”  
  
“I love you.”  
  
“Close your eyes...”  
_  
“ANGEL!” Buffy sat up, breathing heavily, face tear-streaked and covered in sweat. She was shivering, in the dark, her covers pushed down in a heap at the end of her bed.  
  
There was a slight scuffling sound, and then the curtains in front of her bed were pushed aside, revealing Lily’s pale face in the moonlight. Behind her, Buffy could see two other girls, both identical – Mary and Madeleine, she presumed - blearily opening their eyes and turning their attention to her bed. “Buffy? Are you alright?”  
  
Buffy quickly looked away, so Lily wouldn’t see her tears.  
  
“Yeah,” she croaked out, before clearing her throat. “Just a nightmare. Go back to sleep.”  
  
Lily frowned, the moonlight from the window lighting up her hair, which looked like a red, halo in the dim room. “Are you sure?”  
  
“Yeah. Don’t worry about it.”  
  
Lily’s frown deepened, but she backed off with a small sigh, letting the curtains fall back into place. “If you need someone to talk to, I’m a good listener,” she said quietly, going back to her bed.  
  
“I’ll keep it in mind,” Buffy mumbled, voice so silent, that it was heard by no one but herself. She didn’t sleep anymore that night.

* * *

 **Published:** 09/03 -13

 **Edited:** 24/08 -13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers.


	3. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**2 September**  
  
Lily let out a frustrated groan, jumping up and down, with her legs crossed, a slight desperation in her movements, as the giggles from the bathroom increased. “Mary! Maddie!” She yelled. “Are you done yet? Some of us need to use the loo for more urgent things than gossip!”  
  
Another giggle, followed by; “If you’re in such a hurry, Evans,” the voice of one of the twins called, Buffy wasn’t sure which, “I’m sure Potter would be happy to share the boys’ loo with you!”  
  
Lily’s face reddened in anger. Buffy tried to hold back a snort, but failed and Lily gave her an irritated look. “Sorry,” Buffy hastily said, though she didn’t sound sorry at all.  
  
“It’s fine,” Lily said with a sigh, pulling her hair up in a ponytail. “I have to deal with this every morning.” She pointed her hairbrush towards the bathroom door meaningfully. “I forget I always have to make sure to get up _really_ early if I don’t want to be late.”  
  
There was a knock on the door, and then Remus’ head peaked in. And had to promptly back out again so the hairbrush Lily had thrown wouldn’t hit him.  
  
“Get out!” Lily hissed. “You can’t just open the door like that! We could have been naked!”  
  
“We were kind of hoping for that, Evans,” Sirius Black’s voice said from the other side of the door.  
  
Lily’s eyes widened. “What do you think you’re doing?” she said, still hissing. “This is the girls’ dormitory! You’re not supposed to be here, let alone be _able_ to be here! How did you get past the stairs?”

“A Marauder secret,” James Potter’s voice put in, and the door was being pushed wide open, revealing three of the Marauders. “So, Evans…” He gave her a rough grin. “Want to share the loo with me?”  
  
Lily’s jaw dropped. “How long have you been listening?!” She shrieked. Buffy had stuffed her fist in her mouth to keep herself from laughing.  
  
“Long enough. So, what do you say?” He ruffled up his hair with a slightly arrogant gesture. Lily saw red and she picked up a shoe from the floor, taking aim.  
  
“GET OUT!” The shoe hit James straight in the face, sending his glasses askew.  
  
“Bloody hell!” The Marauders promptly backed out, closing the door in the process. “We were just going to escort Buffy to the Headmaster’s office,” came Remus voice, sounding slightly apologetic, but more amused than anything.  
  
“Fine!” Lily snapped, locking the door with a wave of her wand and a silent _colloportus._ “But wait in the COMMON ROOM!”  
  
“We hear you and obey, Evans,” Sirius said, smirking and moving away from the door.  
  
Remus looked at James in pity, “I think you just managed to ruin any chance you earned yesterday from actually being mature by acting like a complete prat just now.”  
  
James, who had been correcting his glasses, paled, his arrogant grin evaporating as he sank down in one of the fluffy chairs in what had been dubbed ’the Marauders corner.’ “That loo comment…” He said, looking up at Sirius and Remus with despair. “It just slipped out! I didn’t mean it! And,” he sounded pained, “I was messing with my hair again!”  
  
“Old habits die hard, I suppose,” Remus said, shrugging. “You’ll just have to kiss up to her a bit.”  
  
Peter sniggered. “Like he doesn’t already.”  
  
James glared. “Some friends you are,” he huffed.

* * *

As they walked to the Headmaster’s office, Lily made sure she was slightly ahead of the Marauders, nose in the air, ignoring James, who was running in order to keep up with her, babbling about how sorry he was. Sirius shook his head, amused.  
  
“I don’t know why he doesn’t give up,” he said, chuckling.  
  
“Theirs is a strange love,” Remus agreed, grinning. Buffy smiled.  
  
“It’s not love,” Sirius snorted. “It’s a…one sided obsession.”  
  
“Do you really think so?” Remus said with a raise of his eyebrow, before pausing to point some lost first-years in the right direction to the Great Hall. After they ran off, giggling slightly, Sirius answered with a shrug.  
  
“After he’s conquered the Tiger-Lily, James will dump her and move on to better things. He just wants her because she’s playing hard to get. I don’t know why Prongs is even bothering.” Sirius threw his hands in the air. “Love is so corny. I don’t believe in it. At least, I don’t believe in true love. Attraction, yes, but all that ’til death do us part,’ no.”  
  
“That’s…depressing,” Buffy said quietly, eyes directed at the floor.  
  
Remus frowned. “What do you mean?”  
  
“That Sirius doesn’t believe in true love. He’s missing out on something wonderful.”  
  
Remus smirked. “I’m sure he’ll be persuaded to change his mind sooner or later.”  
  
“Yeah, right.” Sirius snorted arrogantly, taking a theatrical stance. “I, Sirius Black, will never settle down with just one woman. I will be the constant bachelor, untameable but oh, so loveable!”  
  
“Arrogant, much?” Lily threw over her shoulder at Sirius.  
  
“No, realistic,” Sirius countered.  
  
Lily frowned. “You’re hardly irresistible, Black.”  
  
Sirius stuck out his tongue in answer, before retorting something that made Lily flush, and James jump to her rescue…which resulted in Lily becoming angry, and soon, the three were bickering wildly, speeding up their walk.  
  
Remus and Buffy fell behind slightly, but neither of them really minded. Buffy wanted to be left alone, and Remus thought it was nice to not play peacemaker for once. “A Sickle for your thoughts?” he said finally, and Buffy looked up, blinking slightly.  
“I was just…thinking.” She smiled a bit sadly. “About love, actually.”  
  
It was Remus’ turn to blink. “Oh,” was all he said. For awhile, they just walked, the only sound was the others bickering up ahead, but then Buffy spoke up again.  
  
“I loved someone…once,” she said. “Or still do, I guess.”  
  
Remus gave her a sympathetic look, trying to ignore the sudden pang in his heart. “It must be hard. Being so far away from home, and from your loved ones. But I guess there’s always writing - ”

“ - He’s dead,” Buffy interrupted shortly. And Remus’ heart clenched again, with pain for the American girl that he didn’t really know at all, but desperately wanted to know.  
  
“I’m…sorry,” was all he could think of to say, and Buffy smiled again, looking even sadder.  
  
“Yeah. Me too. His death…well, I guess it’s what indirectly caused me to come here. I miss him. And…it’s hard. But what Sirius said…well…” She blushed. “I guess that it’s better to have loved and lost than – ”  
  
“ – Not have loved at all,” Remus filled in.  
  
“Yeah. It kind of made me see things from another perspective,” Buffy admitted. “Even though he’s gone, I’ll try to cherish the memories I have, and be glad for them.”  
  
Remus nodded kindly, and they fell silent again, their steps echoing across the stone floor, until they reached the gargoyle, where they came to a stop. Lily, James and Sirius were already there, waiting, and seemingly having made up.  
  
“What took you so long?” James said, not waiting for an answer, as he turned towards the stone gargoyle guarding the entrance. “Candy cane,” he said, and the gargoyle leapt aside, the wall behind it splitting in two and revealing a spiral stone staircase that moved upwards.  
  
“The Headmaster’s office is right at the top. You can’t miss it,” Lily said kindly, and Buffy suddenly felt slightly nervous.  
  
“You’re not coming with?”  
  
“Nope,” Sirius said. “You’re on your own. We’ll wait here.” His stomach let out a loud grumble. “Or rather, I’ll go join Peter in the Great Hall for breakfast, and the others will wait.” He skipped away, the others shaking their heads at him.  
  
“You don’t have to wait for me,” Buffy spoke up, trying to sound confident. “I’ll find my own way back.”  
  
James frowned. “Are you sure?” He was looking longingly down the corridor were Sirius had disappeared.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
James shrugged. “Alright then.” He quickly ran to catch up. “Padfoot, wait!”  
  
Lily snorted. “What a responsible Head Boy he is…”  
  
“Give him a break,” Remus said, giving Lily a friendly shove. “He did ask.”  
Lily grumbled something under her breath, before looking up. “Well, go on. Remus and I will wait.” She turned to Remus with a slightly accusing look. “Unless you’re taking off too.”  
  
Remus’ lips twitched. “No, I’ll wait as well.”  
  
Buffy smiled, slightly apprehensive, before stepping up onto the moving staircase.

* * *

“Come in.”  
  
The door opened, revealing Buffy, who was wondering how the Headmaster had known she was standing outside the door. “Um…you wanted to see me?” she got out, walking slowly into the room, inspecting the many trinkets with interest, gasping as she caught sight of an unearthly beautiful red and gold bird.  
  
Dumbledore chuckled. “He’s my companion, Fawkes. A Phoenix. Marvellous creatures. Please, sit down.” He gestured towards the chair in front of his desk, and Buffy sat down, fiddeling nervously with her hands on her lap.

“What did you want to talk to me about? Have you started to look into ways to get me home yet?”  
  
“No,” Dumbledore said honestly. “Things are very busy at the start of a new term, and I do not expect to get any time for research until after Halloween, at the earliest.”  
  
Buffy nodded, not really sure if she was disappointed or not.  
  
“What I wanted to talk about,” Dumbledore continued, sucking on a sherbet lemon, “was your schedule. What classes do you want to take?”  
  
“Uh…what classes are there?” Buffy wondered and Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled.  
  
“How thoughtless of me,” he said brightly, not sounding very sorry at all, “to not explain that first!”  
  
Buffy smiled hesitantly, not really sure what to say, but she found she was feeling a bit more relaxed in the Headmaster’s company than she had before.

* * *

“What did you and Buffy talk about?” Lily wondered, leaning against the wall beside the gargoyle, which had jumped back into its place. Remus looked up from where he was sitting at the opposite side of the corridor, stretching out his legs.  
  
“Nothing.” He paused. “Her old boyfriend.”

“Oh. Really?”

“Yep,” Remus said morosely, and Lily coughed to hide her amusement. He was so obvious sometimes…

“How did that feel? I mean, you like her, yes?” she asked, giving him a pointed look.  
  
Remus flushed. “No,” he said, lying through his teeth. Lily rolled her eyes.  
  
“Don’t lie to me, Remus. You’re talking to me, remember? Lily Marie Evans, your study-buddy through wet and dry, and the girl who can read you like a book.” She sounded amused. “Was it not I who figured out you had a crush on Jessica Lester, in fourth year? Mimi Rogers, fifth year? Iris Davies, sixth year?” She grinned. “Not that you ever dared to actually do anything about any of them…”  
  
“Alright, I get your point,” Remus grumbled. “This is…different,” he added. “It’s not a crush. I just…” He let out a frustrated sound. “I want to comfort her,” he finally said, embarrassed. “Make her laugh. Get to know her. I don’t know any better way to explain it.”  
  
“Ah.”  
  
Remus glared. “What do you mean, _ah?” he_ asked.  
  
Lily’s lips twitched. “Oh, nothing.”  
  
Remus frowned. “It’s not funny. And even if, hypothetically, I did like her like that, nothing would ever come of it. You know that.”  
  
Lily frowned. “No, I don’t. If you like her, go for it.”

Remus gave her an exasperated look. “You know why that will never happen.”

Lily threw a look just as exasperated right back. “Your furry little problem is not the big obstacle you think it is! You’re letting it - ” She abruptly fell silent when the gargoyle swung aside, revealing Buffy.  
  
“How did it go?”  
  
“Fine. He just wanted to discuss my schedule.” And also, Buffy now knew what ‘Quidditch’, ’Snitches’ and ‘Portkeys’ were, along with the wizarding world’s currency.  
  
“Yeah?” Remus asked, standing up. “What classes are you taking?”  
  
“Charms, Transfiguration, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Potions, Care of Magical Creatures and Herbology,” Buffy recited dutifully, holding up the schedule Dumbledore had produced for her with a wave of his wand. “I’m not…very good though, so I’ll probably need some help.” She blushed. ‘Not very good’ was an understatement. ‘Completely ignorant’ would be a far more accurate description.  
  
“No problem,” both Lily and Remus said. “We’ll help you study, the same goes for James and Sirius,” Remus said. “We help Peter all the time. They may whine and stomp about it childishly first though, but that’s just their way.”  
  
“Why am I not surprised?” Lily said dryly, leading the way back down the corridors, and towards the Great Hall.  
  
Buffy grinned. “By the way, Lily, would you like to come with me to Diagon Alley after breakfast?” she wondered as they sat down beside Sirius, James and Peter. “All my things were destroyed,” she lied, “so I have to get new stuff.”  
  
Lily lit up. “Sure! I’m not saying no to shopping!” She nudged Buffy playfully. “We can bond over fashion.” They grinned at each other.  
  
The Marauders rolled their eyes. “Girls,” Sirius muttered.  
  
“Are you sure you four don’t want to come?” Lily said innocently to them.  
James looked like he was actually seriously considering it, just to spend time with Lily, and Remus looked thoughtful for awhile, but then his eyes widened as his mind caught up with what ‘shopping with girls’ included. In his mind’s eye, he saw the four of them, overstuffed with bags and things, and having to watch the girls try on outfit after outfit, in store after store…  
  
“Uh, no thanks,” he quickly said, followed by Sirius, who had realised what Lily’s offer would mean long before Remus did. They both pinched James hard, and he yelped, rubbing his arm.  
  
“Ouch!” He glared at them, sighing as he saw his friends’ identical pointed glares that promised torture, should he agree. “Sorry,” he said, grimacing at Lily, and actually sounding like he meant it. “But we’ve got to…study.”  
  
Sirius and Peter snorted, while Remus rolled his eyes in despair at the bad excuse. They hadn’t even had any classes yet!

* * *

“Dumbledore said we could take a Portkey from his office,” Buffy said once they finished their breakfast and returned to the Headmaster’s office, hooking Lily’s arm together with her own. “Tell me about Diagon Alley,” she begged. “What kind of place is it?”  
  
“Well,” Lily looked ahead dreamily. “It’s bigger than Hogsmeade – the village near Hogwarts – which is both a good and a bad thing. Not as comfy, but with far more stores to choose from. There is Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour – a lovely place, Quality Quidditch Supplies – which I tend to avoid if I can, Flourish and Blotts; the bookstore – my favourite hang-out,” she grinned a little embarrassed, and Buffy laughed.  
  
“Then there’s a store which sells cauldrons, an apothecary, a store filled with quills and inks and the like, Madame Malkins for robes and of course, Ollivanders, the wand store,” Lily finished. “That’s just a few of the shops though, there are many more. Also, Diagon Alley borders into some smaller alleys as well, like Knockturn Alley.”  
  
“What do they sell there?” Buffy wondered, curious, as Lily didn’t elaborate. The redhead shuddered.  
  
“You don’t want to know,” she said. “It’s where the ’less respectable’ wizards go. If you’re looking for something illegal, or something that has to do with the Dark Arts, that’s where you’d go.”  
  
Buffy took a mental note to check out Knockturn Alley. That was probably the place she’d find vampires and other creatures of the night and maybe even a weapon or two.  
  
They had reached the gargoyle, but found they didn’t have to say the password to the spiralling stairs, as the gargoyle jumped away, revealing the Headmaster. “Ah, Miss Summers. I was just going to come looking for you,” he said, smiling. “Am I right in my assumption that Miss Evans is to accompany you to Diagon Alley?”  
  
“Yes. If that’s okay,” Buffy said. Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled.  
  
“Of course. Now,” he pulled out a money bag and gave to Buffy. “I will not have you worrying about money,” he said, as Buffy opened her mouth to protest. “I know you lost everything in your trip to come here, and the school will pay for your needs. We have a special trust-fund for unfortunate incidents such as yours.”  
  
Buffy smiled slightly, embarrassed that she’d have to rely on Dumbledore for money, but grateful.  
  
“However,” the Headmaster continued. “I do believe it would be a good idea if you started your own account at Gringotts, the wizarding bank. Miss Evans will show you how it’s done, I’m sure.” His eyes were twinkling. “There, you will also be able to exchange our currency into Muggle money, if you wish to buy Muggle clothes.”  
  
Buffy nodded in understanding.  
  
“The money bag is also a Portkey. It will activate in about a minute or so, and take you to the Leaky Cauldron. To get back here, simply hold it, and say the word ’activate.’ But,” Dumbledore said, peering out at the two girls over his half-moon spectacles, his blue eyes grave. ”After midnight, that password will be null and void, and if you do not activate it before then, you will be stranded. Do you understand?” Without waiting for an answer, he continued: “I hope that you will not abuse the trust I give you, by letting you venture out in Muggle London alone, and Diagon Alley too, for that matter.”  
  
He smiled, his grave look fading. “I would have been more worried that you’d be venturing into clubs, bars, pubs and other ‘adventures’, had you chosen to bring the self-named Marauders as well, even though I’m sure they can be responsible when they so wish.”  
  
Lily snorted, and the Headmaster’s smile widened. Buffy grabbed Lily’s hand, so the redhead wouldn’t be left behind when the Portkey activated, and it was right on time to, as she suddenly felt an uncomfortable pull in her navel, and the world started to spin.

* * *

As they landed, Buffy somehow managed to keep herself upright – it probably had something to do with her Slayer-genes – Lily, on the other hand, was not so lucky, and landed sprawled at the floor. She got up quickly, brushing herself off, completely unfazed, as she smiled and waved at the patrons who all stared at them curiously.  
  
Buffy barely noticed them though, she was busy taking in the sight of the dark and rather shabby little pub. Even though it looked like it had been a long time since it was in its prime there was something very welcoming about it and Buffy immediately felt at ease.  
  
“Are you alright?” Lily asked, giving Buffy a worried look. “It must be rather disconcerting, having another trip by Portkey so soon after the one that caused you to lose all of your things and getting you stuck in the Hospital Wing.”  
  
Buffy blinked, thrown-off for a second, before she remembered her cover-story, and she quickly smiled. “Yeah. But it’s no problem.”  
  
There was a cough from behind them, and they both turned around to face the barman, who was almost bald, and Buffy realised he looked a bit like a gummy walnut if she cocked her head in a certain way. “Hi, Tom,” Lily said brightly.  
  
“Well, well,” the barman, Tom, said, giving the redhead a toothy grin. “If it isn’t Lily Evans! What are you doing in this part of London? Are you not supposed to be at Hogwarts?”  
  
“Well, yes,” Lily said with a winning smile. “But we have a new transfer student, you see, and, as Head Girl, it fell on me to show her around Diagon Alley and get her the materials she’s missing.”  
“Ah, so you’re just passing through,” Tom said knowingly, turning to Buffy. “I suppose you are the new student then, eh?”  
  
“Buffy Summers,” Buffy introduced herself. “And, yes, I am.”  
  
“Well, I am sure you will enjoy Hogwarts very much,” Tom said kindly. “And Diagon Alley as well. It is quite a sight. Can I offer you anything to drink? A Butterbeer, perhaps? On the house, of course,” he added, with a wink.  
  
“I’m afraid not,” Lily said regretfully. “But, if we get the time, we might take you up on that offer before heading back.”  
  
“Please do,” Tom said. “It was very nice talking to you, as usual, Miss Evans.”  
  
“Same to you, Tom,” Lily said, smiling, grabbing Buffy’s hand and leading her past the bar and out into a small, walled courtyard, where there was nothing but an overflowing dustbin and a few weeds in sight.  
  
“Tom seemed nice,” Buffy noted.  
  
“Oh, he is,” Lily said absently, while tapping her wand against the wall in front of the dustbin. “Always up for a chat.”  
  
Buffy was giving her a curious look. “What are you doi – ” She cut herself off, as Lily, stepped back, and Buffy watched in amazement as the last brick she had touched quivered and wriggled. In the middle, a small hole, which stretched out wider and wider, appeared. And a second later the two girls were facing an archway on to a cobbled street which twisted and turned out of sight.  
  
“Oh, my God,” Buffy breathed, stepping through, looking around the crowded street in wonder, Lily following. Behind them, the archway shrunk back into a solid wall, but Buffy only had eyes for the astonishing sight in front of her. “Oh. My. God.”  
  
“Well,” Lily said in amusement. “Welcome to Diagon Alley.”

* * *

Buffy had never been so overwhelmed by anything in her entire life. Diagon Alley was an incredible place, beyond her wildest imagination. During the day, they had visited so many shops that Buffy couldn’t possibly keep them straight in her head. Not one looked even remotely the same as another – they were all so different, with their own perks, but what they all had in common was that they were lovely, in one way or another, and Buffy never wanted to leave.  
  
So far, she had bought a trunk, cauldrons, brass scales, phials and potion ingredients in _Slug & Jiggers Apothecary,_ parchment, ink and quills in _Scribbulus Everchanging Inks,_ several sets of robes in _Madame Malkin's,_ along with a school uniform, a cloak, gloves and more. They had also spent a long time inside the bookshop, which Buffy had to admit was very impressive. While Buffy was not usually someone who enjoyed books, there was something enchanting about the collection in _Flourish and Blotts_ that had her almost as enthusiastic over the many volumes as Lily.  
  
“Well, I think it’s time for something to eat, right?” Lily said, taking a look at her watch. “Now usually, I’d be all for real dinner,” she said with a glint in her eye. “But I’m really not that hungry, so I think an ice-cream or two at _Florean Fortescue's_ ought to do it.”  
  
Buffy, who wasn’t that hungry either, and still on a high from witnessing the floating broom in the window to the Quidditch-store, but Lily had gone past it without a single glance. Buffy had decided it was best not to push her luck, considering Lily was still quite put-out from being the victim of a prank inside the joke-shop _Gambol & Japes,_ which Buffy somehow had convinced Lily to enter, despite her complaints. Silently, Buffy told herself she would somehow drag Lily with her inside the Quidditch-store before the day was over, though, whether the green-eyed girl wanted it or not. “Sure.”  
  
Lily grinned, and before long, they were enjoying a lunch that consisted of more ice-cream than was healthy. But neither of them brought it up, and both Lily and Buffy enjoyed munching on every bite of ice-cream that there was. There were so many that Buffy had never even heard of, and though Lily had been part of the wizarding world for more than six years, she still hadn’t tried all of them.  
  
It was more than two hours later, much of which had been spent not eating ice-cream, but letting their stomachs digest it, so they wouldn’t get sick, which was a definite possibility after how much they had eaten, when they finally moved on.

* * *

A tinkling bell rang somewhere in the depths of the gloomy wand-shop Ollivander’s as Buffy and Lily entered, and the Slayer looked around nervously.  
  
“Good afternoon,” said a soft voice, and both Lily and Buffy jumped, not having heard – or seen – anyone approaching, and Buffy immediately turned wary, the hairs on the back of her neck rising slightly.

“Hello, Mr Ollivander,” Lily said politely.  
  
Ollivander smiled, a rather creepy grin, Buffy thought, taking in his wide pale eyes, which shone almost unnaturally, like pale moons. “The same to you, Miss Evans. It seems like it was yesterday you were here to buy your wand. Willow, ten and a quarter inches, swishy. Nice wand for charm work, and a very powerful wand, indeed. I hope it serves you well, still?”  
  
“I have no complaints,” Lily assured him. “Anyway, the reason we’re here – ”  
  
“ – Oh, I know already,” Ollivander said, turning to Buffy, who’s palms were sweating slightly. “You are looking for a wand. Your first.”  
  
Lily stared incredulously, and rather confused. Her first? Hadn’t Buffy had a wand before? Her confusion grew as Ollivander suddenly bowed to her new friend, and she gave Buffy a baffled look. What was going on?  
  
“I was wondering if I would ever have the honour of meeting you,” Ollivander continued, and Buffy slowly started to panic, wishing he would shut up, as she felt Lily giving her a bewildered look full of curiosity.  
  
“I must say I am surprised though,” the old man continued, “I never expected you to come here, but everything happens for a reason.” His pale eyes were twinkling. “I believe I have the perfect wand for you. In fact, I do not think I will have to measure you at all.”  
  
He disappeared behind the desk, and into a room. When he came back, he was carrying a black box. “Every Ollivander wand has a core of a powerful magical substance, Miss Summers,” he said. “For example, we use unicorn hair, phoenix tail feathers and the heartstrings of dragons. But this,” he said, opening the box, and taking out the wand, “this is a very unusual combination…I only created it as an experiment…but I do believe this might be exactly what you’re looking for. Now, give it a wave.”  
Buffy, who was panicking over what to tell Lily, since she was certainly going to want an explanation for Ollivander’s behaviour the moment they stepped out of the shop, hesitantly grabbed the wand. Immediately, she felt a warmth in her fingers that spread through her entire body the moment her skin came in contact with the dark wood, and she gasped. It felt as though she had found a missing part of herself: a part she didn’t even know she was missing in the first place. As she swished the wand through the dusty air, a stream of white and silver sparks shot out from the end like a firework, illuminating the room with dancing spots of lights.  
  
“Well, this is most excellent!” Ollivander said, beaming. “Very good indeed. I never thought I would ever get the chance to try this on a customer, but it seems I was wrong. As I said, this wand is forged with a very unusual combination - the core comes from a customer who was here a little more than six years ago...”  
  
“What is the core?” Buffy asked, without taking her eyes from the wand, stroking the sleek wood in wonder.  
  
“The wand is Holly, 10 inches, with a hair from a werewolf.”  
  
Both Lily’s and Buffy’s heads snapped up to look at Ollivander as he spoke, but for different reasons. Buffy, because she immediately thought of Oz, and Lily, because she put two and two together, realising the hair must have come from Remus – after all, how many werewolves could there have been, that ventured into Ollivander’s to buy a wand six years ago?  
  
“Well, Ollivander said, clasping his hands together. “I think we can expect great things from you, Miss Summers. Great things indeed.”

* * *

The second they were out of the shop, Lily turned to Buffy. “What was that all about?” she demanded to know. “The bow, and the ‘your first wand’-comment, and how you weren’t ‘supposed to come here’ thing?”  
  
Buffy winced. “To be honest, I have no idea why he said all that, or why he bowed for that matter. But,” she added as Lily huffed in indignation, clearly not believing her: “I do admit this is my first wand.”  
  
“What do you mean?” Lily asked, confused. “You must have had a wand before?”  
  
“Eh, yes, of course,” Buffy said, inwardly crossing her fingers as she prepared herself to lie directly to Lily’s face. “But as you know, I have been home schooled all my life, and I always borrowed my tutor’s wand. It didn’t work very well for me, though my teacher said it was because of a lack of ability, so he refused to take me to a wand store. And since I’m muggle-born, my parents didn’t know where to take me, and I didn’t know where to go. I’ve always been very isolated from the wizarding world. So I’ve mostly focused on the theory and stuff.” She shrugged. “I’ve never been very good at that either, though.”  
  
Lily gawked. “How are you supposed to get through your seventh year here if you’ve never used a wand that is properly attuned to you?”  
  
Buffy grinned sheepishly. “Well, I hoped I’d find someone as brilliant as you to help me?”  
  
Lily just stared at her, and then she started to laugh. “Flattery will get you everywhere,” she snorted. “But, honestly, Buffy…” She shook her head. “What was your teacher thinking? Was he even properly qualified? Your magic might have been damaged beyond repair, after using a wand that is wrong for you for so long. Having a proper wand is very important,” she cautioned.  
  
Buffy just shrugged, feeling bad about lying. She couldn’t help but hope that something was going to happen that would reveal the truth to the redhead though. She had always hated having to keep her being the Slayer a secret. In fact, she hated lies in general, even though sometimes they were a necessary evil.  
  
“It’s very exciting,” she said instead, changing the subject. “That my wand-core is the hair of a werewolf.”  
  
Lily’s grin faded. “Yeah. It is, isn’t it?”  
  
Buffy frowned, and then her eyes widened. “Oh, my God!” She exclaimed, hissing. ”Are you the werewolf?”  
  
Lily stared. Then, she laughed nervously. “No,” she quickly said. “No, I can honestly say that I’m not.”  
  
Buffy’s eyes narrowed, her heart beating quicker in anticipation. “But you know who it is?” It wasn’t a question.  
  
Lily’s eyes darted around, desperately looking for a way out. “What makes you say that?” she asked, voice wavering.  
  
“Your expression, for one thing,” Buffy stated. “Why won’t you tell me?”  
  
Lily let out a frustrated sigh, throwing up her hands. “Because it is not my secret to tell!” She exclaimed. “I wasn’t even supposed to find out, myself, but I figured it out, and I confronted him about it. He panicked! He was terrified I’d tell somebody!”  
  
“So it’s a he,” Buffy noted smugly with a raise of an eyebrow.

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake!” Lily yelled, and started to walk down the street with angry steps. “I don’t know why I’m bothering.”  
  
Buffy sniggered.

* * *

After Ollivander’s the two quickly visited a small junk shop, neither of them buying anything, only looking around. As they stepped outside, and strolled up the street and past the stores once again, Buffy did her best to convince Lily to enter the Quidditch-store, but Lily promptly flat out refused.  
  
“No,” she said. “I let myself be talked into visiting the joke shop, and look what happened! I will not visit a Quidditch store, no matter what you say or do to me. So you can stop your pouting!”  
  
Buffy sighed, but then she got sight of the opening to Knockturn Alley, and a glint appeared in her eye. “Well,” she said, stopping. “I can go to the Quidditch shop alone,” she suggested innocently. “I mean, you wanted to visit _Oddscurus books_ and _Blizzard books,_ right? You can do that in the meantime, and then we can meet up outside Gringotts.”  
  
“It’s _Obscurus Books,_ and _WhizzHard Books,_ ” Lily corrected, with a roll of her eyes and a smile. “But fine. I’ll see you later then!” She winked and skipped away down the street.

The moment she was out of sight, Buffy made her way into Knockturn Alley, and immediately, everything around her seemed to grow glum and dark, and she shuddered, her spider-sense giving her the creeps. The atmosphere was the complete opposite of the cheery impression Diagon Alley gave, and her eyes darted around wildly, as she looked around, her eyes jerking back and forth between all the witches and wizards there, who were all wearing dark cloaks that were obscuring their faces, hiding them from view.  
  
Buffy was more than relieved when she finally reached a shop which sold weapons. The man by the counter, however, only sneered at her, but then quickly shut up as he noticed how easily and professionally Buffy handled the weapons.  
  
“I’ll take these,” she said, carefully putting down the weapons she’d picked out on the desk, desperately hoping the money she had would be enough. “How much?”  
  
The man mentioned a price and Buffy’s eyes almost bulged out of her head. “That’s robbery!” She hissed.  
  
The man smirked. “It’s my price.”  
  
Buffy glared and put away several of the beauties she’d chosen, pouting, until only a crossbow, a couple of knives and two swords remained. It wasn’t like she used much else besides those and stakes anyway. She also kept a katana she refused to leave behind, even though she’d probably never use it in battle, because it was so beautifully crafted it just felt like it was _made_ for her.  
  
The man mentioned a new price, which was a lot more agreeable, but despite that, Buffy spent the next five minutes haggling with the man, until she managed to lower the cost even more. She did want to have money left for normal clothes, a broom and enough to open an account at the bank after all…  
  
Buffy pulled out her newly purchased trunk from her pocket, enlarging it by placing her hand on the lid and then carefully put the weapons down. Next, she closed the trunk and reduced it by placing her hand on the lid and speaking the word _diminish,_ doing her best to ignore the store-keeper’s eyes, which seemed to follow her every move.

Buffy quickly put the trunk back down in her pocket, and made her way out of the store and away from Knockturn Alley, hoping she hadn’t overestimated the time – she had risked this because she counted on Lily getting so excited about the books that she’d forget everything else.  
  
She seemed to be in luck, though, because as she stepped out of the alley, and breathed in the fresh air from Diagon Alley, there was no sign of red hair outside Gringotts, and Buffy happily made her way up the street, towards the Quidditch store…where she was faced with one angry and worried redhead.  
  
“Where have you been?” Lily exclaimed, grabbing Buffy, and hugging her. “Do you have any idea how worried I was?”  
  
Buffy gulped. “I may have gotten lost on the way here,” she lied.  
  
Lily stared at her incredulously. “How could you possibly have gotten lost? It’s one street! Up and down!”

“Sorry,” Buffy said sheepishly, then grinned. “But, hey look, I got you into the Quidditch store after all!” she said, sniggering.  
  
Lily rolled her eyes, but her lips were twitching, too relieved to scowl, even though she wanted to. Buffy walked past her, and up to the shopkeeper.  
  
“Hi,” she said. “I’d like a broom. Nothing too fancy, but rideable.”  
  
The shopkeeper grinned. “Well, all our brooms are rideable,” he said. “But if you don’t want anything too expensive, I recommend the Cleansweep 4. It’s nothing ‘too fancy,’ as you put it, but very easy to control, fairly smooth movements, and with an average speed. Nothing for professional games, obviously, but enough for racing and backyard Quidditch, and school games, certainly.”

“How much?”  
  
The shopkeeper mentioned a price, and Buffy nodded, finding it was very reasonable, and would still give her plenty of money left. Dumbledore had been very generous, perhaps foreseeing her need of weapons as an extra expense. “I’ll take it.”

* * *

Lily confidently walked up to one of the goblins at the counter, Buffy standing slightly behind, still in awe of the sight of all the creepy and evil looking goblins and the impressive interior of the giant building.  
  
“Hello. We would like to open an account for Buffy Summers, please.”  
  
“Have you ever had an account here before?” The goblin asked, and Buffy walked up, shaking her head.  
  
“No.”  
  
“I see. Well,” he gave her some papers and a quill. “Fill out these forms,” he said, bored.  
  
Buffy quickly did as she was told, wincing slightly as she did so. Writing with feathers was harder than it looked, she thought, as she jotted down another crooked signature. She promised herself to buy some ballpoint pens as soon as possible.  
  
She handed the paper to the Goblin and he gave her small golden key.  
  
“Bank box eight hundred and fifteen is now yours,” the goblin said in a monotone voice. “Do you have any money you wish to put in there right away?”  
  
“Yes, but I would like to exchange some of it into Muggle money first," Buffy said, and mentioned a sum, after the Goblin had explained the exchange rate. After that, he took the leftover coins and put them on a scale. He tapped on it with a crooked finger, and the money disappeared in a small cloud of smoke. The goblin gave back the now empty money bag, and Buffy put her Muggle money there instead, after saying goodbye to the goblin, who ignored her.

“Well, they were nice,” Buffy huffed sarcastically as they stepped outside, and Lily grinned, checking her watch. They still had a few hours left, which they’d have to spend in Muggle London, she supposed.  
  
“Goblins aren’t nice,” Lily said. “They’re greedy. All they care about are money and treasure. And the occasional rebellion, though it has been awhile since the last one.”  
  
“I’m not surprised,” Buffy said dryly.

* * *

Hours later, after shopping for clothes (and ballpoint pens) in Muggle London, Buffy and Lily were back at the Leaky Cauldron, taking Tom up on the offer of free Butterbeer, which Buffy immediately fell in love with.  
  
“So,” Lily asked, munching on a cookie. “Why did you leave America?”  
  
Buffy looked down, shrugging slightly. “I wanted a change,” she said.  
  
A heavy silence fell over them like an uncomfortable blanket, until Lily spoke up again. “Remus mentioned something about an old boyfriend,” she said hesitantly. Buffy paled, and she gripped her glass harder.  
  
“If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand,” Lily hurriedly added. “I was just curious. I’m sorry; it’s none of my business.”  
  
Buffy sighed, her grip loosening, and she hoped Lily hadn’t noticed the small crack that had appeared in it. “No, it’s fine. I understand.” She looked down into her glass. If she tried hard enough, she could almost see his face in the liquid… “His name was Angel,” she said, so quietly, that Lily almost thought she had imagined it.  
  
“I’ve…never been so in love in my entire life,” Buffy continued, her voice growing slightly stronger, but rather shaky. “He was my world. I thought we’d last forever.” She choked a bit, a she let out a ragged breath. “Then, he wasn’t there anymore. He died.” She looked up at Lily, who simply stared back, her green eyes kind, bringing the Slayer comfort enough to go on. “And it was my fault.”  
  
Lily immediately began to shake her head and opened her mouth to interrupt, to say that no, it certainly wasn’t. But Buffy continued before she could. “It was my fault, and nothing you say will change that. And nothing I do will bring him back.” She blinked, angrily wiping away a few tears.  
  
“And I ran away from everything. And I ended up here.” Buffy looked up again, eyes glassy. “I know I can’t escape the memories, or the past,” she admitted. “Even though I wish I could. But…”  
  
“But maybe you can move on,” Lily added, her eyes filled with understanding, and Buffy nodded.  
  
“Yeah.” She dried her eyes, smiling a bit. “Thanks for listening. I just…I needed to let it out, I think.”  
  
Lily reached over and patted her hand. “Say no more. I understand. More than you think. I am Muggle-born, you see,” she said. “And I have a sister. Petunia. When we were children we were best friends. But then, I got my Hogwarts letter…something she never got. And she started to resent me for being a witch, and every time I get home from Hogwarts, she’s always talking about what a freak I am, and how abnormal magic is.” She smiled sadly.  
  
“I’ve come to realise it’s no use to protest, because she won’t change her mind. So…I suppose I’ve sort of…moved on. I can’t stop being a witch for her, and I can’t be stuck in a phase were I constantly have to defend myself to her. There’s nothing I can do about it. Not until _she_ comes around. Now, I realise this is not exactly the same thing,” Lily added. “But you have to let go of Angel, just as I have had to let Petunia go. We can do nothing more.”

* * *

 **5 September**  
  
It was Monday morning and the Great Hall was filled with half-asleep students. The only noise that could be heard was the clink of utensils and the occasional sleepy mumble. It was the first day of classes after a long, and probably lazy summer break - as usual, the pupils weren’t all that active. And, as usual, by the Gryffindor table, a certain group of students proved to be the exception of that rule.  
  
“Oi! Evans!” James yelled from his end where he sat with Sirius, Peter and Remus walked over to join them.  
  
Lily glared at the messy haired boy and demonstratively sat down with Buffy on the other side, as far away from them as possible, and proceeded to ignore him. Instead, she continued informing Buffy about all the teachers, which she had begun to do during their walk from their dormitory to the Great Hall: “…And Professor McGonagall is quite strict, but very fair. So, I don’t think you’ll have any trouble as long as you behave.”  
  
She paused slightly to smile at the person they were discussing, who was handing out their schedules. “Hi, Professor!” She flushed slightly.  
  
Professor McGonagall nodded in greeting. “Hello, Miss Evans,” she said, looking down on her over her spectacles. “Strict but fair, hmm?” She winked slightly at the Head Girl, and handed the last Gryffindor student his schedule and headed back towards the teachers’ table.  
  
“…Evans!” James yelled again, louder this time. “Are you listening to me?”  
  
Lily, who had recovered from McGonagall’s appearance, continued to ignore him and instead turned back to Buffy, after casting a quick glance at her schedule. “Flitwick must be my favourite professor, I think. He’s also very fair, but funny as well. As for DADA – that’s Defence Against the Dark Arts – we usually get a new instructor every year, so unfortunately I can’t tell you anything about him – or her – and I didn’t spot anyone new at the welcoming feast…”  
  
“Can you try to pay some attention?!” James exclaimed, grabbing his paper-napkin, and proceeded to squeeze it into a ball. “Head Boy calling Head Girl!” He threw the ball at Lily’s head and as it hit, punched his fist into the air, to the sniggers of Sirius, Remus and Peter.  
  
Lily looked up, glaring. “What,” she hissed icily, “in Merlin’s name do you think you’re doing?”  
  
“You can’t still be mad about the dorm incident, can you? That happened ages ago!” He said, pouting slightly.  
  
“No,” Lily answered, rolling her eyes, vanquishing the harmless, but offensive paper ball that had bounced down on the floor, with a flick of her wand. “But it is a little strange, that as soon I forgive you for one thing, you do something else to piss me off! And you wonder why I don’t like you.”  
  
“Aww, don’t be like that!” James said, grinning charmingly.  
  
Lily sighed, rubbing her forehead tiredly. “What do you want, James?”  
  
“Just wondering what your schedule looks like,” James said, holding up his hands in surrender. Then, he frowned, eyes widening. “Wait. Did you just call me _James?”_  
  
Lily rolled her eyes again. “Don’t count on it becoming a habit. Why do you want to know my schedule? So you can hex it, like you did in third year, when I thought I was to take all my classes alone with the Slytherins?”  
  
James dragged a hand through his hair, slightly embarrassed. “Sorry ’bout that,” he said, coughing slightly. “But, in my defence, I was a kid and didn’t know any better.”

“You’re still a kid,” Lily argued, before taking up her schedule and levitating it to James. Buffy looked on in slight envy – that was a handy spell… “Here. But Merlin help you if you do something strange with it.”

James grinned, pulling out his own schedule, his hazel eyes flickering back and forth between them. Soon, his grin widened.  
  
“Well, well, look at that!” He said, a bit smugly. “We seem to have all of our classes together! The only difference that I can see is that I have Muggle Studies when you have Arithmancy.”  
  
“Lovely,” Lily deadpanned, summoning her schedule back. “Let me see your schedule, Buffy.”  
  
James pouted. “You’re ignoring me.”  
  
“No, really?” Lily deadpanned, and then turned to Buffy. “Luckily, we only have a few classes today. Unfortunately, I think they will feel quite repetitive. The teachers will probably all spend their classes informing us of the N.E.W.T.s – that’s the Nastily Exausting Wizarding Tests we have at the end of the year, in case you didn’t know – do you have them in the states?” Before getting an answer, she continued: “They’ll probably go over the class schedule, inform us of bigger assignments and give us some reading for homework, nothing practical.”

* * *

Buffy listened, transfixed and slightly terrified, to Professor Flitwick as he lectured them on how important their N.E.W.T.s were for their future. She had no idea how she was going to pass when she had no prior experience of magic! Also, she had taken a look at her schedule, and the only time she had free periods took place when Lily and Remus had class. And during the afternoon, they’d probably need to dedicate the time to their own homework, so they wouldn’t be able to help her, despite their promises.  
  
“…I highly recommend you drop any subjects that are not crucial to your chosen career.”  
  
Buffy’s frown deepened. She had no idea what she wanted to become – or what careers there were in the wizarding world at all, for that matter. Would she even be here, or would Dumbledore have managed to send her back by then? But she supposed it was best to prepare for all possibilities, just in case…  
  
“…N.E.W.T.-level Charms are far more advanced than what you are used to. We will begin to with a study of difficult protection spells and shields, such as the Fidelius…”  
  
…Hmm…perhaps she ought to drop Care of Magical Creatures…but it sounded interesting. And useful, considering she was the Slayer…but could she take on a workload of six subjects…? It didn’t sound like much – Lily had eight, after all, but she was new to all of this…and she had just touched, let alone tried, a wand yet…what if she sucked?

“…Deep thoughts?”

“Huh?” Buffy looked up, turning around in her seat to blink at Remus, who had poked her in the back with his wand. On his desk, Buffy saw, there was a parchment where a quill was fluttering, writing down everything Flitwick was saying.  
  
“You looked like you were daydreaming,” Remus commented with a low voice, smiling.  
  
“…Charms, is, as you know, one of the subjects that are useful everywhere and I advise you to pay extra close attention this year…”  
  
Buffy shrugged. “Yeah. You know, I’m a little nervous. I’m kind of new to this whole magic thing in general…”  
  
“Right…” Remus nodded thoughtfully. “Lily mentioned something about that…”  
  
“…Most of your Teachers will probably tell you – or have already told you this more than once, but it is only because it is worth repeating…”  
  
“Anyway, I am pretty sure I’m going to fail,” Buffy finished with a sigh and a helpless shrug.  
  
“Don’t say that,” Remus scolded lightly. “We’ll help you.”  
  
“But – ”  
  
“ – We won’t be so busy we can’t help a friend in need,” he continued. “After all, if those two,” he nodded towards James and Sirius, who were whispering and sniggering, “have time to play pranks, I’m sure we can take the time to help you.”  
  
Buffy felt some of the panic that had been creeping up settled down, and she felt a comfortable weight of happiness settle down in her stomach. “Thanks,” she mumbled, before turning back to Flitwick.  
  
“Any time,” Remus answered.  
  
“…Before we move on to new material, we will do a repetition on what you already should know; freshen up your minds that have probably melted to butter during the summer heat.”  
  
The class laughed, and Buffy felt the last of her panic disappear. Maybe things wouldn’t be as bad as she’d feared after all.

* * *

 **Published:** 17/03 -13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers.


	4. Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**2 September**

_“Wingardium Leviosa.”_

_“Wingardium Leviosa,”_ Buffy repeated dutifully. It had now been four days since the first day of classes, and after another consultation with Dumbledore, Buffy erased Care of Magical Creatures from her schedule and moved her Herbology lesson, which she now had with the Slytherins, to Sirius and James’ horror. Buffy personally didn’t see what was so bad about that, unless all Slytherins were the reincarnation of all evil. And, as much as the two Marauders had tried to convince her that that was a fact, Buffy hadn’t believed them.  
  
With her adjusted schedule, one of the free periods took place at the same time as Remus’. This was why they now were together in the library, repeating basic first-year spells – or, in Buffy’s case trying them out, for the very first time.  
  
“Very good,” Remus praised grinning.  
  
The feather was now floating several inches above the table, and Buffy was delighted. Maybe she didn’t suck at this after all…  
  
“Do it again, but with a little more force. That should make it rise higher.”  
  
Buffy’s eyes narrowed in concentration, and did the flick and switch movement again, a little more forcefully. _“Wingardium Leviosa,”_ she said clearly, and the feather shot straight up, hitting the ceiling, where it exploded. Buffy winced as the ashes – all that was left of the feather - gently floated down and landed on the table.  
  
Remus smiled, finding the way her cheeks grew red rather adorable. “You’ll get the hang of it. After a while, it will be like second nature to you – you’ll just _know_ how much force to put in the spell to make the object float to the exact height you want to. Same with every spell, really.”  
  
Buffy, who was pouting slightly because of her mistake, frowned in concentration.  
  
Buffy kept levitating feathers, working on controlling the power put behind it. Remus was watching her with a smile on his face, occasionally giving her a pointer or correcting her grip.  
  
“You’re a good teacher, Re,” Buffy said suddenly.  
  
Remus’ eyes widened, surprised at the sudden new nickname, and he scratched his neck in embarrassment, blushing slightly. “Do you think so?”  
  
“Yes,” Buffy stated. “After all, I’ve never done an ounce of this kind of magic – eh, with a wand that’s right for me - and yet, you’re here, patiently showing me everything. And, since I’m not complaining, you can’t be that bad, can you? Plus, I’m catching up quickly.”  
  
“That may just as well be because you’re a good student,” Remus mumbled, growing redder every second.  
  
Buffy grinned, her blue-green eyes glittering in amusement. “You’re way too modest, _Professor,”_ she teased, and Remus’ blush deepened once more.  
  
The two fell into a comfortable silence again, with only Buffy speaking up to say the spell every few seconds. After a while, though, she turned to back to Remus.  
  
“Is the power behind the spell different, depending on the mass and weight of the object you want to…eh…how do you put it…” Buffy frowned. “Magic around? Spell? Charm? Curse? Hex?”

“I think the word you’re looking for is _enchant,”_ Remus supplied helpfully. “But, it depends on what kind of magic it is you’re doing. If it is a hex, a curse, or a charm, you can use that.”  
  
“Right,” Buffy nodded in understanding. “So…what about it? The mass and weight thing?”

“You’re absolutely correct,” Remus confirmed, making Buffy smile in delight. “If the object is light and small, you use less power than what you would if the object is big and heavy. It’s just like Muggle science, really.”  
  
Buffy wrinkled her nose. “Science was never my strong point,” she said. “To be perfectly honest, school in general wasn’t my strong point.”  
  
Remus grinned, but rather absently, Buffy noted. He was looking at his watch.  
  
“Do you have a date or something?” she quipped, but with no real feeling behind it. The sun would be setting soon, which was normally the time when Buffy could expect Angel to show up in her window…but never again.  
  
Remus smiled wryly. “History of Magic,” he said. “The teacher’s a ghost – though sometimes I doubt he’s aware of it. Anyway, the class works better than Sleeping Potion.”  
  
Buffy grinned. “I never liked history much either.”  
  
Remus smiled back. “Just keep practicing the charm on your own,” he said, and conjured up a whole bunch of feathers. “Work on the levelling of your power, and maybe we can move on to the _Locomotor_ spell tomorrow. It’s a little more advanced version of what we did today,” he added as he got sight of Buffy’s uncomprehending look.  
  
“It may seem like we’re moving a little too fast, but you seem to get the hang of things quickly.”  
  
Buffy grinned, momentarily forgetting her sorrow. “So, you think I’ll turn out to be good at this whole witch thing, eh?”  
  
“I think,” Remus said seriously, “from what I’ve seen, that you have a lot of raw, undeveloped talent.” He started to pack up his books.  
  
“And that means…?” Buffy trailed off nervously, wringing her hands.  
  
Remus swung his bag over his shoulder, grinning. “That means you could become a very powerful witch, now that you have a wand that works for you. I’ll see you later!”  
  
“Bye,” Buffy whispered back, shocked. The moment Remus was out of sight, she slumped down by the table, with a stupid grin spreading across her face. She rolled up her sleeves to above the elbows, and gripped her wand with new vigour, taking one feather from the stack Remus had conjured forth, and placing it in front of her.  
  
“I’m going to rock at this whole witch thing,” she told the feather with a determined face. _“Wingardium Leviosa!”_

* * *

 **10 September**  
  
Buffy sat in the Quidditch stands, biting her nails nervously, her eyes looking between the many Gryffindors that had showed up for the Quidditch tryouts, and her new, not yet flown, Cleansweep 4. She looked up, however, as she saw a shadow stand above her. “Sirius. Hi.”  
  
“Hi.” Sirius buried his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Why are you sitting up here, all by your lonesome?”  
  
Buffy shrugged.  
  
“Let me guess,” Sirius scratching his jaw in fake confusion. “You’re missing electricity.”  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Not really, no.”

“Hmm…hot, sunburned American boys?”  
  
Buffy snorted. The only one she could say she missed was Angel, and he wasn’t – hadn’t been - sunburnt, or even close to it. “No.”

“Well, then what can it be? Ah!” He pretended to lit up in understanding. “You want to try out, but are afraid to.”  
  
Buffy glared and Sirius smirked. “I think I hit the right spot.”  
  
“I have never flown a broom before in my entire life,” Buffy sighed, standing up to leave. “This idea was stupid. I don’t know why I bought the broom in the first place. It was a waste of money - ”  
  
Sirius grabbed her arm with one hand to hold her back, and the broom, which he thrust into her arms with the other. “You. Pitch. Fly. Now.”

“I don’t know how!” Buffy exclaimed.  
  
“It’s easy. If you’re a natural, you’ll get the hang of it quickly. If not, well,” Sirius shrugged, “then you should probably give that broom to charity, since there are lots of hopefuls down there that have flown since before they could walk.”  
  
“You’re not really helping my confidence any, you know,” Buffy muttered.  
  
Sirius grinned. “Just get down there, and show us what you’ve got. Even if you embarrass yourself, everyone will probably forget it sooner or later.”  
  
“Oh, thanks,” Buffy muttered dryly, standing up and making her way down the stands and to James, her new broom held in a hard grip. “How’s it going?” she wondered.  
  
“Fairly well,” James said. “The first batch was pretty good – I think I’ve found a Keeper already. But the ones up there now…” He sighed, dragging a hand through his messy hair. “Well, Quinn thinks he is an international Quidditch star. He comes to every tryout, and then tries to do something way beyond his ability and ends up in the hospital wing. And Michaels...well, one little blow from the tiniest little wind, and he crashes in the middle of the forbidden forest.”  
  
Buffy grinned, though it came out more like a grimace. What if she messed up? Did she really want to do this? She was only listening to James now with half an ear, as her previous anxiousness returned with full force…

“…Davies could be good with a little practice. He's a fairly good flyer, but has yet to hit the goal within a radius of twenty feet…”  
  
She wished Remus was here – something about the boy’s presence was very calming, and always made her feel right at ease…not that she had any idea why she had started to think about him all of sudden…  
  
“…Parker has made one goal out of ten tries. And at her last try, she crashed into our Keeper, when she couldn't come to a halt…Buffy, are you listening to me?”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
James rolled his eyes. “I asked, have you – is that a broom in your hand?!” He said, sounding startled.  
  
Buffy blushed. “Uh…yeah.”

“You plan on trying out?” James looked excited now, and had stood up, grinning like a maniac.  
  
“I haven’t made up my mind yet…I haven’t even flown before…”  
  
“Well, I can show you how after the trials, and then you can have your own tryout, with just me – and the rest of the team - watching. Is that alright?” James asked, and then continued, without waiting for an answer. “What position are you trying out for?”  
  
“Chaser. I think.”  
  
“That’s fine. We need a new Chaser, a new Keeper, and a Chaser and Beater for the reserve team, so even if you miss the first spot, you still got a shot at the second,” James rambled on.  
  
Buffy forced out a smile.

* * *

The tryouts were officially over, and Buffy watched nervously as the last of the students on the pitch left. James was talking to the rest of his team, watching as they either nodded or shook their heads. Then, he turned around and waved for Buffy to join them, and Buffy dried off her suddenly sweaty hands on her jeans.  
  
“Everyone, this is Buffy Summers,” he said, and Buffy waved shyly. “Buffy, this is my current team – Michaela Duncan, Chaser, Sam Bryant and Nick Vandom, Beaters, and Amanda Lorne, Seeker.”  
  
“Hi,” Amanda smiled kindly, and then turned back to James. “So we are agreed then?” she asked. “Morgan is to be the new Keeper?”  
  
“Yep,” James nodded in affirmation. “I have to go over my notes and watch the tryouts again with the replay function in my omnioculars,” he held up an object that looked a lot like brass binoculars, except that it was covered in all sorts of weird knobs and dials, “in order to be absolutely certain, but he was the best out there. As for reserve Beater, I think Rory Rogers did quite well.”  
  
“I agree,” Nick Vandom said, and Sam Bryant nodded in agreement.  
  
“As for Chaser,” Michaela said, “Ryan Samuelson has improved a lot since last year.”  
“Yes, he has,” James said. “He has a spot, but whether that’s on the reserve team or the ordinary team will depend on whether Buffy here has the talent.” He grinned. “Of course, if you let me down completely, Buff, I’ll have to put Davies on the reserve team.”  
  
The rest of the group groaned.  
  
“Please, spare us that pain and make us drop our jaws,” Sam Bryant joked, falling down on his knees in front of Buffy, pretending to kiss her shoes. Buffy could only stare in bemusement, some of her nervousness fading.  
  
“Oh, get up,” Amanda rolled her eyes, hitting the sixth-year on the head with the twigged end of her broom.  
  
The rest of the team sniggered, and James clasped his hands together.  
  
“Alright, Buffy, first, I’ll teach you the basics of flying, and once you’ve got that down, I’ll put you up in the air with me and Michaela, to check whether you can pass the Quaffle and cooperate with other flyers. And, then, I’ll let you score – first, without someone guarding the hoops, and then with – Nick, you’ll have to play Keeper.”  
  
“Sure thing.”

“Okay, mount your broom – the end with the twigs behind you,” James told Buffy with a smirk. The Slayer stuck out her tongue at him.  
  
“I got that, thanks,” Buffy muttered, doing as she was told, agitation creeping up again – along with silliness. She felt very awkward, with a wooden stick between her legs…  
  
“Usually,” James said, “when you first start riding a broom, you put it on the ground, hold your hand over it, and say ‘up.’ But that’s for beginners only…the way I show you now is the way pros handle it…”  
  
Buffy felt her face start to flush. Why did all her thoughts and James comments feel like metaphor for…something completely different from Quidditch? Her hands gripped the handle tighter, and beside her, she saw James mount his own broom.  
  
“…And, kick off!” James said cheerily, and Buffy watched as James rose from the ground a few inches. “To go upwards, you point your handle up,” he instructed. “To go down, you point it downwards. To quicken the pace, lean forwards, and to slow down, backwards. It’s easy,” he said. “You’ll get the hang of it in no time!”  
  
Buffy nervously pushed off from the ground, yelping slightly as she felt the broom start to move beneath her.  
  
“Try not to be too anxious,” James added, flying down so he was hovering beside her. “The broom can feel that.” Buffy glared, not really feeling the slightest bit reassured. She was all too aware she was rising at a steady pace… “Let’s go a little faster, shall we?” James said, grinning, pointing his handle upwards and leaning forwards, and Buffy gasped as he shot up into the open sky like a bullet.

“Don’t you dare leave me like this all alone!” She shouted, following his movements, and going up after him until she was once again at his height.  
  
James’ grin widened, and he let go of the broom, putting his hands behind his head. “Look down,” he instructed and Buffy rolled her eyes, looked down – and almost fell off in surprise as she realised the pitch and the rest of the team were barely visible.  
  
“So,” James said, smugness and self-satisfaction clearly visible in his voice. “I think you’ve got this flying thing down pat. Race you!” He added, leaning forwards and shooting off into the distance. Buffy’s eyes narrowed and she did the same, her stomach lurching – but not in an uncomfortable way – as she sped up. Soon, the two were flying side by side – Buffy as fast as her broom allowed, James a little slower, as his broom was of a better quality. “You’re a natural this far,” James said, giving Buffy a look out of the corner of his eye. “How are you at diving?”  
  
Buffy didn’t have a chance to answer as James suddenly directed his broom towards the ground, and her eyes grew round as she watched the messy-haired boy disappear below the clouds, at a speed that must be quicker than lightning.  
  
“Are you trying to kill yourself?” she yelped, leaning downwards, looking around desperately after James. She didn’t realise how quick she was coming close to the ground, until she saw the rest of the Quidditch-team staring at her in fear. Buffy’s eyes widened, and she quickly leaned backwards, directing the handle slightly up…  
  
…She felt her feet touch the ground…she stumbled slightly. But she was alright. She managed to land with barely any trouble at all. She stared dumbly at the broom still in her hands, still between her legs. And then, she suddenly saw James’ face, in front of her own…upside down?  
  
“Hey, Buff,” he said, doing several loops in front of her, that smug grin still on his face. “Told you you’d be a natural.”

* * *

 **15 September**  
  
Lily leaned up against the wall beside the exit in the Gryffindor common room, waiting for James to show up. She was feeling strangely nervous about it, and couldn’t understand why – it was just patrol; Head Girl and Head Boy, doing their duties. Nothing to be nervous about! Not to mention, it would probably be a disaster: she was inwardly betting on how long it would take before James grew bored and began to try and get out of it. Or worse; started to try and distract her with his usual arrogant and conceited comments.  
  
“Am I on time?”  
  
Lily looked at James, before checking her watch. “Why, yes, you are!” She said, pretending to sound surprised. “Hell must have frozen over.”  
  
James smirked. “I wouldn’t miss patrolling with my favourite Head Girl for anything. Unless I have a really good excuse,” he added.  
  
“I will make sure to excuse you during those moments,” Lily said, rolling her eyes, inwardly wondering what James considered a good excuse – probably a prank or something in that style. “So, I am your favourite Head Girl, huh?”  
  
“Yes.” James cocked his head to the side in thought. ”After my mother.”  
  
Lily burst out laughing. “I always knew you were a momma’s boy,” she teased, forgetting her apprehension about spending an entire evening in the company of James Potter, alone. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad?  
  
“And proud of it,” James quipped, holding open the portrait hole for her. “So where do we start?” he said, rubbing his hands. “The dungeons?”  
Lily snorted. “You’d just love to find some Slytherins out of bed, wouldn’t you, Potter?”  
  
“Damn, you caught me,” James said, hitting his left palm with his right fist. Then grew serious. “Hey, Evans?” he asked, hoping his voice wasn’t shaking.

“Hmm?”

“Do you…do you think you could call me James?” he asked hesitantly.  
  
Lily froze in her step for a second, and then kept walking, as if nothing had happened. “And why would I want to do that?” she asked calmly.  
  
“Well…we’re Head Boy- and Girl together. We should be addressing each other in a more familiar manner,” James said, scratching his head nervously. “To make the students more comfortable. You know, so they see us as a…united front, and not two different people who are constantly at each other’s throats?”  
  
“Why, Potter, that was actually quite intelligent,” Lily noted. “Although what we call each other won’t change the fact that we constantly _are_ fighting.”  
  
James gulped. “Yeah…I reckon those fights are usually my fault,” he admitted. “And I’ll try to get better at not making you mad!” He took a deep breath. “If you promise to try to keep a lid on your temper from time to time.”

 _“Excuse me?”_ Lily hissed, spinning around to look at him angrily. “What is _that_ supposed to mean?”  
  
James held up his hands as a shield. _“This_ is what I mean! Look, don’t chew my head off, alright? I’ve just admitted that I’ve been a right bastard to you, but can’t you admit that our fights are sort of your fault too? I mean, some of my comments are insensitive, I realise that, but you _do_ tend to overreact at times.” He winced, closing his eyes and waiting for the storm to come.  
  
There was a long silence, and then…  
  
“Fair enough.”  
  
James eyes flew open, and he stared at Lily in bewildered surprise. “Huh?”

“I said, fair enough,” Lily repeated, starting to walk again. “I hate to say this, but you are sort of right. I am kind of hot tempered. Very easy to rile up.”  
  
James smiled. “Well, you _are_ a redhead.”  
  
Lily’s lips twitched. “Yes, but that’s no excuse, James.”  
  
James jaw dropped. “You just called me _James!”_ He exclaimed breathlessly.  
  
Lily grinned widely. “Well, you wanted me to, correct? Though, I will stop – unless you call me _Lily.”_  
  
James grinned back, ruffling up his hair. “I can do that. _Lily.”_  
  
Lily rolled her eyes, grabbing James hand and pulling it down from his hair. “And if you stop doing that. _Too_ often.”

“Oh, so you don’t mind it then?” He sounded delighted.  
  
“Oh, I do mind. Sometimes. If you do it along with a conceited comment that has you proclaiming to be God. That only makes you seem egotistic and arrogant.” She quickened her pace.  
  
“But if I don’t do it along with an annoying statement like that, it’s fine?” James wondered, wanting to reassure himself.  
  
“Yes,” Lily said, smirking inwardly. “It makes you look cute.”  
  
 _“What?!”_ James yelped, freezing in his steps. _“Cute?!”_

“Yes,” Lily stated, lips twitching. ”Like…an adorable child.”  
  
“I am _not_ cute!” James exclaimed, jogging to catch up. “And I certainly don’t look like a kid! I am _sexy!_ Handsome! Gorgeous! Stunning! Exquisite, even! But _not_ cute! Never cute!”

“Ah-ah!” Lily warned, holding up a finger in warning. “The arrogance, James. Watch the arrogance!”  
  
“It’s not arrogance if it's true!” James protested.  
  
“Oh, you certainly have a _long_ way to go, mister modesty,” Lily muttered, shaking her head in despair, though she was smiling.

* * *

“Why did we have to give them detention?” James pouted, thirty minutes later. “They were sweet!” James protested, leaving the broom cupboard, Gregory Morgan and Cecilia Kane behind. “Besides, from the look of things, I’ll probably make him the new Gryffindor Keeper! Do you have any idea how awkward it will be during practice?”  
  
Lily rolled her eyes. “I can’t ignore a break of curfew and the rules just because he’ll be on your Quidditch team, James!”  
  
“Why not?” James exclaimed. “I feel like a hypocrite!”  
  
“And why is that? Because you also tend to spend a lot of time making out in broom cupboards?” Lily wondered airily, trying not to frown. Not that she knew _why_ she wanted frown in the first place. After all, it wasn’t like the thought of James snogging someone bothered her.  
  
James scoffed. “No. But Sirius does!”  
  
Lily pinched her nose, feeling a headache coming on. “Why am I not surprised?” she muttered to herself.  
  
“…What if I find him in the next closet?” James continued, rambling slightly. “After all these years practically cheering him on, I’m going to suddenly change my mind, waggle my finger and say _it’s bad_ with my best Professor-voice?”  
  
“Yes. And not only that,” Lily continued calmly. “You will give him a detention.”  
  
“Aw, come on!” James protested loudly.  
  
“No, I will not _come on,”_ Lily said firmly. “It’s our duty as the voice of responsibility at Hogwarts, second only to the Teachers and the Headmaster.”  
  
“Well, my dad was Head Boy too! And he didn’t take this so seriously! I mean, he was taking advantage of the position all the time! In fact, _he_ was the one who could be found in the cupboards the most!” James said triumphantly as if that settled it.  
  
“No wonder you’ve turned out the way you are,” Lily said dryly.  
  
James frowned. “Hey, don’t you dare go insulting my parents!” He said, feeling wounded. “I’m not insulting yours, am I?”  
  
Lily frowned back. “I didn’t mean anything by it,” she said, sounding utterly bewildered at this sudden change of mood.  
  
James sighed, ruffling up his hair again. “Sorry. I am kind of protective when it comes to my parents. They take crap from a lot of people.”  
  
Lily gave him a confused look. She had always thought James was the son of rich parents, that they were part of the pure-blooded 'supremacy,' and as such very respected in the high circles. The Potter name was, as far as she knew, very old, and held in high esteem.  
  
“You have no idea how pure-bloods can gossip and talk behind each other’s backs,” James explained, sensing her puzzlement. “One moment, they might be completely civilised, mingling and congratulating each other on their success, and in the next, bitter and jealous, spreading awful rumours and opinions that shouldn’t be voiced out loud.”  
  
“What do you mean?” Lily asked. “I mean, what are they saying about your parents?”  
  
James sighed. “Well…my parents were highly respected Aurors during their days,” he began. “They caught a lot of Dark wizards. And after they retired from active duty, mom kept training new Aurors and dad kept working for the Ministry as a ward designer – one of their best. And it didn’t hurt that the Potters is one of the oldest pure-blooded families left in Britain and Europe, even. But something that was a big scandal was the fact that no matter how they tried, they couldn’t produce an heir.”  
  
Lily stared at him with wide eyes.  
  
“My mum and dad have always loved children. They wanted a whole lot of them, running around. But no matter what they tried, no such luck. They tried to play indifferent to it, in public, of course, like they didn’t care. But when their ‘friends’ of the same age, told them about their own kids, and how she and she were expecting again – of course, with the ulterior motive of making them feel the lowest of the low, like you were nothing without an heir,” James continued.  
  
“And you aren’t, not really. Not in pure-blooded circles. If you don’t have an heir, your name dies out, and, whoops – another pure-blooded family hits the dirt. That is practically the same thing as hitting a gold mine for the remaining families, because that gives them more power, and, by default, more money.”  
  
Lily could do nothing but blink. She had no idea things were so complex!  
  
“And then, mum and dad got me,” James finished, sighing. “They had given up hope of ever getting children, and were resigned to that fact. But then I arrived, and they had never been so happy to be proven wrong. They were delighted. They thought things would finally calm down.” He smiled wryly. “Boy, were they wrong. Now, it was disgraceful to have children at their age. Unheard of! It became another scandal, of course, something else for the mongrels to gossip about. They still do, in fact.”  
James frowned, dragging his fingers through his messy hair. “I am the first one to admit I am spoiled,” he said. “I’ve always been very pampered, just because I was such a miracle, and because they wanted to prove to everyone that I had it so much better than all the other kids together, despite the age of my parents.” He paused, as he reached another closet. “Shall you, or shall I?”  
  
“You go ahead,” Lily said faintly, still feeling rather winded from this sudden insight in the life and character of one James Potter.  
  
James shrugged. “Alright.”  
  
He turned the doorknob, and out fell several brooms, a couple of buckets, and -  
  
“SIRIUS BLACK!” Lily exclaimed, gasping, her jaw dropping. “What do you think you’re _doing?!”_  
  
Sirius hastily buttoned his shirt and pants, grabbing something among the cleaning equipment that had an awful likeness to a red thong, and throwing it to the girl, who was still sitting inside the closet, doing her best to straighten her skirt, top and bra.  
  
Lily’s jaw dropped even further as she recognised her. “Madeleine?!”

“Mary,” the girl corrected, flushing heavily, before making her way out of the closet. “I’m sorry, Lily,” Lily’s roommate said, wringing her hands, before stuffing the dark red, lacy panties down her cleavage, out of sight. “I know how you feel about Potter and his friends…But…he’s Sirius Black, you know! And he’s irresistible!”  
  
She quickly sneaked away down the corridor leading towards the Gryffindor tower, leaving Lily standing in the corridor, her eyes almost bulging out in shock. “No, he’s not,” the redhead said in a whispered exclamation of despair to herself. Finally, she seemed to get her bearings, and she yelled down the corridor after the MacDonald twin: “Detention! Tomorrow, at eight, with Filch in the trophy-room!”  
  
She turned to Sirius, feeling her headache – which she had forgotten all about while listening to James’ story – return with vengeance. “Alright, Black, what do you have to say for yourself?”  
  
Sirius shrugged, throwing his hands out. “What can I say?” he said, trying to look innocent and failing miserably. “She seduced me! I’m easily convinced! I fall hard for anything on two legs with a pair of decent boobs, you know that! I’m the victim here! Really!”  
  
Lily spluttered incoherently, not believing her ears.  
  
“So, can I go?” Sirius asked, smirking, an eyebrow raised arrogantly.  
  
Lily’s eyes narrowed. ”No,” she said. “You can have detention with Filch tomorrow as well. _After_ Mary’s is over.”

“Aw, don’t be like that, Lily-kins!” Sirius tried, pouting, and bringing forth his puppy dog eyes. “It’s Astronomy tower-night tomorrow! If I don’t show up, hearts will be broken!"

“I’m sure they’ll mend,” Lily said dryly. “And if you call me Lily-kins again, you’ll have another detention the day after tomorrow as well. With McGonagall. Where you, as part of your punishment, would have to tell her why.”  
  
Sirius eyes widened comically. “You wouldn’t dare.”  
  
“Oh, I would,” Lily promised.  
  
Sirius turned to James. “Prongs, my bestest pal. My honourary brother – you can’t let her do this. You know my needs! You understand, right?”  
  
James shuffled his feet uncomfortably, trying to ignore Lily’s look of death.  
  
“Well, things change…” He mumbled. “And, you know, Lily’s sort of right. I am seeing your point of view, Padfoot, but as Head Boy, I have to follow the rules…”  
  
Sirius grey eyes widened even further. “I can’t believe this!” He gasped. “She has enchanted you! The redheaded witch has you under her spell, at constant beck and call!”  
  
Lily frowned. Somehow, Sirius had made _redheaded witch_ sound like an insult.  
  
“That is not true!” James said, straightening up. “I just said I agreed with her! I can’t make exceptions! Not even for my best friend!” He sniffed. “And besides,” he poked Sirius in the chest with his index finger, to enhance his point. “This kind of behaviour? _It’s bad.”_  
  
Sirius’ jaw hit the floor.

* * *

 **Published:** 10/04 -13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers.


	5. Howl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

 

**20 September**  
  
“Remus, can you ask James to pass me the salt,” Sirius said, voice dripping with exaggerated sweetness, deliberately looking straight past James, pretending he wasn’t there sitting right next to him at the Gryffindor table.  
  
Remus rolled his eyes. “Ask him yourself,” he said. He was so tired of Sirius’ childish behaviour! It had been almost a week since James had given him a detention, and ever since, Sirius had been ignoring him. This, in turn, made James ignore Sirius, because he didn’t think he had done anything wrong – which he hadn’t.  
  
James had only followed the rules – something which had Lily – and Remus too, for that matter - very impressed. Sirius, however, seemed to regard it as a traitorous act that betrayed their bonds and vows of eternal friendship.  
  
“This is becoming ridiculous, Padfoot,” James sighed, while picking up the salt shaker. “I was just following my duties as Head Boy!”  
  
“Head Boy this and Head Boy that,” Sirius sneered, snatching the salt from James’ hand. “Ever since the start of term, you’ve had a giant stick up your arse.”  
  
Buffy let out a strangled sound, trying to hold back a laugh, while James spluttered indignantly. “That is so not true!”  
  
Lily rubbed her temples tiredly, giving Buffy a look of despair. “Boys,” she muttered under her breath.  
  
“Isn’t it? If you’re not going on and on about Lily, you’re putting us all to sleep with your talk of duties and responsibility and blah, blah, blah,” Sirius said, while sprinkling out masses of salt over his potatoes, not paying the slightest attention to how much.  
  
“I’m trying to _grow up,”_ James growled.  
  
“Become _boring,_ you mean. Remus is a Prefect; he still breaks rules and stuff!”  
  
“Hey!” Remus said holding up his hands. “Don’t drag me into this! I am the first to admit that I am far from an exemplary role-model.”  
  
Sirius ignored him. “Come on, Prongs!” He said instead, finally putting away the salt container. “Don’t you miss having fun?”  
  
“I have fun!” James protested. “I’m still planning the Halloween-prank, for example! Just because I gave you a detention for doing something very…un-gentlemanly, doesn’t make me a devil in disguise!”  
  
Sirius snorted. “Right. Because _it’s bad,”_ he mimicked in a high-pitched voice, clutching his chest theatrically.  
  
Peter sniggered.  
  
“I, for one, am very proud of James,” Lily said, to everyone’s surprise. “I know how difficult it was for him to tell you off, Sirius, but it had to happen sometime. As it was, you didn’t even show the slightest bit of remorse for breaking the rules. And then you tried to blame it all on Mary, whom, I admit, is far from innocent in this, but honestly!” The redhead huffed.  
  
Sirius pouted. “What do you mean? What did I say?” He looked genuinely confused.  
Lily rolled her eyes. “I do believe it was something in the lines of _I fall for anything with two legs and a pair of decent boobs. I’m the victim here, she seduced me!”_  
  
Sirius flushed. “So? I have a weakness…” He muttered.  
  
James stared at him incredulously.  
  
Remus snorted. “Is there anyone in this school you haven’t shagged yet, Padfoot?” he asked, shaking his head.  
  
“Yes, as a matter of fact, there is,” Sirius said smirking. “Lily and Buffy, for example. I also don’t go for people I find unattractive, Slytherins, or those below sixth year. And I don’t do blokes – except for that one time. And I haven’t tried the other MacDonald-twin yet. Personally, I am quite curious to see if there’s a difference.” He brightened as he suddenly came up with a great idea. “Do you think they’d go for a threesome, if I asked nicely?”  
  
Lily could do nothing but stare. “You are unbelievable, Black,” she said, sounding appalled.  
  
“I know!” Sirius grinned widely, leaning backwards in his chair, looking pleased. “But, back to the subject. Prongs, out of the goodness of my heart, I am ready to forgive you. But, I will want something in return. You really made me suffer during that detention. I missed my time in the Astronomy-tower, and Filch had me scrub the toilets in the dungeon. Without magic.” He shuddered. “It was revolting.”  
  
James sighed in defeat. “What do you want me to do?”  
  
“Turn the other way the next time you find me in a compromising position,” Sirius said promptly, straightening up again.  
  
“James!” Lily hissed. “Don’t you dare!”  
  
Someone cleared a throat and everyone looked up in surprise, since they hadn’t noticed anyone approaching. James let out a sigh of relief and inwardly thanked whoever it was that had come to save him from a very uncomfortable situation.  
  
“Hi, Mandy,” Remus said.  
  
Mandy Walker, one of the Ravenclaw Prefects, grinned. “Hi, Remus, Lily, everyone.” She paused. “I’m not interrupting anything am I?”  
  
“No, not at all,” Sirius said with a charming grin, bad mood forgotten now when he had a full-blooded female whom-he-had-yet-to-conquer standing in front of him. “Is there anything we – or rather, I – can do for you?”  
  
Mandy barely glanced at him. “I have a message for Lily,” she said, turning her attention to the redhead, leaving Sirius blinking in surprise at the quick dismissal. "Professor McGonagall saw me in the hallways and asked me to pass on a message to you since I was on my way to talk to you anyway. And...uhh...is it...Buffy?" She gave the Slayer a questioninglook.  
  
Buffy nodded.  
  
Mandy grinned. “Nice to meet you – I’m Mandy Walker. Anyway, McGonagall told me to tell you that your other two roommates – the MacDonald-twins – I can never tell them apart - are moving into another dorm…” She smirked and let an eyebrow rise. “She said something about one of them feeling uncomfortable after Lily caught her in a revealing position…?”

Sirius, who had just taken a large mouthful of his over salted potatoes, let out a strangled cough, looking as though he was about to choke. Mandy gave him a look of utter bewilderment.

“Thanks, Mandy,” a beetred Lily said, all too aware of how said compromising position had been revealed, while she elbowed Buffy in the ribs to make her stop sniggering. "So Buffy and I will have a dorm to ourselves, then?" She couldn't quite hide her excited tone.

Mandy shook her head. "No, I think one of the other girls is moving over instead, to make it slightly less crowded in their dorm. I'm not certain whom though. Oh, and the reason I wanted to talk to you was the Prefects meeting tomorrow since the Halloween feast is on the agenda. I was thinking we need some volounteers to help us decorate the Great Hall, since, unlike last year, Halloween occurs on a school day. If just us Prefects do it, I'm not certain we'll be finished in time."

"Good thinking," Lily nodded. "James and I will ask around in Gryffindor - " she threw James a raised eyebrow, daring the Head Boy to protest: he didn't - "and ask the other Prefects to the same with their houses. Maybe you could handle Ravenclaw?"

"Absolutely," Mandy promised. "I'll see you later, Lily." She smiled at the Head Girl before she walked over to rejoin her own group of friends by her own table. The moment she was out of ear-shot, Sirius pounced, apparently having recovered from his coughing-episode:  
  
“Why haven’t you mentioned the hotness that is Mandy definitely-shaggable-whatever-her-last-name-is before?!”  
  
Remus rolled his eyes, and Lily groaned. “Sirius…”  
  
“And, now that I think about it, why haven’t I noticed the hotness that is Mandy my-next-bed-partner; who-cares-what-her-last-name-is before?” He had a strange gleam in his eyes. “Forget the MacDonald-twins – I’ve found a far more interesting target!”  
  
Lily was glaring at Sirius. “Her last name is _Walker,”_ she supplied through gritted teeth. “And is sex all you think about?” she added, hissing.  
  
Sirius nodded slowly, tapping the side of his jaw with a finger in thought. “Pretty much, yeah,” he answered.  
  
“I’m pretty sure Mandy hasn’t come of age yet,” Lily said desperately, hoping to dissuade Sirius, to no avail.  
  
“Love knows no boundaries!” Sirius preached. “What does age matter when it comes to a chance to jump into the sack with Sirius hung-like-a-horse Black?”  
  
“Ahh!” Buffy and Lily covered their ears. “Sirius!”  
  
Remus, James and Peter gave their friend disgusted looks.  
  
“Honestly, Padfoot,” James sighed. “Sometimes I wonder why we put up with you.”

Sirius grinned, leaning back in his chair with a self-satisfied look on his face. "Hey," he said suddenly, "can anyone show at that Prefects meeting of yours? I mean, you said you needed volounteers for the decorating, right? Well, here I am!" He threw his arms out wide. "No need to ask around." James, Peter, Lily, Buffy and Remus exchanged identical looks of despair. "So can I come?" Sirius asked again, impatiently.

"No, you can't come," Lily said decidedly. "It's a Prefects meeting, and you're not a Prefect. But I suppose if you really want to help with the Halloween decorations, you can."

"Brilliant!" Sirius clapped his hands together. "I'll be there, and Peter too! We just love to help out, don't we, Wormtail?"

Peter nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah!"

Lily forced herself to smile, praying to whoever was up there that Sirius would have forgotten all about it when push came to shove. With James already helping out since he was the Head Boy, if Sirius and Peter decided to help with the decorations as well, that probably meant Remus would show up too. While it was nice of them to offer _if_ they actually wanted to help, Lily could not stop the horrible sinking in her stomach. Four Marauders decorating the Great Hall for Halloween - Halloween, during which they always, every year, made _some_ sort of nuisance of themselves in the form of a prank - sounded like an invitation for them to set up something big.

As if he knew what she was thinking, James spoke up: "Don't worry, Lils, I'll keep them in line."

Lily threw him an icy glare. The smirk on his face did not reassure her at all.

* * *

“Knock, knock!” Michaela Duncan knocked on the open door to Buffy and Lily’s now strangely empty dorm, since the MacDonald twins’ things had been gone when the two girls got back from the Great Hall. Her trunk floated behind her. The Gryffindor Chaser grinned at them. “Looks like I’m your new dormmate.”

“Great! Welcome in,” Lily said warmly. “I had a feeling it would be you. Take whatever bed you like.”

Michaela nodded, directing her trunk to the end of the bed Madeleine MacDonald had previously slept on. “I must say I’m actually quite happy about this, strange as it feels,” the Chaser admitted. “I’ve always wanted us to be better friends, Lily. I mean, the MacDonald twins have each other, and Jessica and Ashley are like two peas in a pod - I always felt like a bit of a third wheel in that dorm. You and I are the odd ones out.”

Lily couldn’t stop the way her eyebrows rose in surprise. She hadn’t realised; Michaela had always seemed more interested in Quidditch than friends other than Nick Vandom and the rest of the Quidditch team. She had obviously prejudged her and she felt a slight pang of guilt. If she had been more open whenever the two had spoken with each other before, perhaps they would have been closer. Now that she thought about it, Michaela had always been the one to initiate a conversation between the two of them. Lily knew that plenty of people at Hogwarts saw her as somewhat aloof, but she hadn’t realised it was because she actually acted that way.

“I’m sorry, Michaela, if I’d known…” she bit her lip, her cheeks flushing with slight embarrassment.

“Well, it’s not like we’ve suffered for it,” Michaela said with a grin. “And don’t worry – I do have other things on my mind than just Quidditch. Sports have only seventy-five percent of my brain in its grip. The other twenty-five are all yours,” she joked.

Lily grinned.

“Speaking of Quidditch,” Buffy said, turning begging eyes towards their new dormmate. “Can you tell me anything at all about how I did? James refuses to say a word.”

Michaela tapped a finger against her lips, pretending to think about it. “Hmm…let me see…nope.” She grinned impishly. “The Captain’s word is law. You’ll just have to wait to find out with everyone else.”

Buffy let out a noise of frustration. “I hate waiting. I am not the patient type.”

Michaela laughed. “Neither am I, to tell the truth. At least not when it comes to Quiddith. I was hounding my first Captain every day after my own tryouts in my second year until he posted the results. I think I was worse than James, really, but then again, he was completely confident he’d made it. I don’t think he even knows the meaning of the word nerves, to be honest.”

Lily snorted. "There's a lot James doesn't know the meaning of."

Buffy grinned. "Oh, please, Lily, it's not like you're honestly as annoyed by him as you pretend. Just the fact that you _are_ annoyed by him means there's something there."

Michaela nodded in agreement.

"No, it doesn't, and no, there aren't! He just gets under my skin!" Lily exclaimed glaring at her two dormmates.

"In an oh-so-good way," Michaela said, waggling her eyebrows, bursting into laughter alongside Buffy when Lily threw her hands up in despair.

"I give up!"

* * *

 **21 September**  
  
Sirius absently made his way to the Gryffindor tower, carrying a box of cookies he’d gotten from over enthusiastic house-elves down in the kitchen. His mouth was already watering from the delicious smell. As he rounded the corner, he saw someone walking only a few steps ahead of him, nose buried in some papers. He grinned as he realised who it was.  
  
“Oi! Walker!” He yelled, jogging slightly to catch up with the startled looking girl, who, Sirius mused, had probably been on her way to the Ravenclaw tower, which was located on the same floor as Gryffindor’s. Never had he been more grateful for that fact! “Want some company?” He draped an arm around the girl’s shoulder in what seemed to him a smooth move. “What have you got there? Anything interesting?”  
  
Mandy shrugged off his arm, pulling the papers she was holding out of his line of sight. “Just some notes from the Prefects meeting. Nothing that would interest you.”

“You’d be surprised,” Sirius said with a charming grin. “Try me! Want a cookie?”  
  
He thrust the box of cookies into her arms. “No,” Mandy said, forcing out a smile and giving him back the box. “I’m fine.”  
  
“If you say so,” Sirius shrugged, taking a cookie for himself instead. “They’re really good you know,” he said solemnly.  
  
“Yes, I’m sure,” Mandy said dryly. “You know, I just remembered I need to go to the library.” She stopped and turned around.  
  
“Alright. I’ll come with you – it’s not like I’ve got anything better to do.” He winked.  
  
“Umm…thanks,” Mandy said through gritted teeth. _‘Can’t he take a hint?’_ “But you really don’t have to.”  
  
“Oh, it’s no problem,” Sirius said brightly, nudging her shoulder playfully. “I want to!”  
  
“Great!” Mandy forced out. “But you know what?”  
  
“What?” Sirius said, chewing on another cookie.  
  
“I don’t,” Mandy finished. “It was nice of you to offer, but I don’t want to go anywhere with you. I am perfectly capable of wandering the halls myself. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”  
  
She hurried off, leaving Sirius in the corridor feeling rather stumped and confused. Then, he grinned. “Alright,” he muttered to himself. “So you’re into that kind of thing…playing hard to get! I like that in a girl!” His grin widened, and he turned around, heading back to the Gryffindor common room, all the while musing over plans to make Mandy Walker fall head over heels for him.

* * *

 **27 September**  
  
Remus yawned, before silently correcting Buffy’s wand movement. The two of them were sitting in a corner of the common room, Remus helping Buffy with her work, for which the Slayer was eternally grateful. Still, as she saw how tired Remus seemed, she frowned, deciding to dismiss the Prefect for his own sake, before he fell asleep right where he was. “You can go to bed you know,” Buffy said. “I’ll be fine.”  
  
“Nah, it’s alright,” Remus said dismissively, turning his attention to a passage in the Transfiguration book. “So, you learned to transfigure matchsticks into needles all by yourself,” Remus said encouragingly. “Maybe that means you’ve got a talent for Transfiguration. How do you feel about bigger objects?”

“Bigger?” Buffy asked uncertainly.  
  
“Well, not that much bigger,” Remus corrected himself. “What makes matchsticks to needles so easy to begin with is that they are the same shape and size. It’s always easier to transfigure something with a likeness to your goal. Like a feather, to a pen,” he finished, conjuring up a feather.  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. “You have a fondness for feathers, don’t you?” she asked, while thinking she didn’t consider turning a match into a needle _that easy._ In fact, it had taken her quite awhile to get the hang of it, but she _had_ managed it. And without any help, too.  
  
She could honestly call herself an expert on the levitation charm now, and the whole having trouble-controlling-the-power-thing – HAH! As if! Before long, Buffy had had feathers floating all around her, all in different heights.  
  
Of course, Buffy realised that while she may have mastered feathers and books (though the librarian had been angry when she saw that and threw her out) rather quickly, she also knew that _Wingardium Leviosa_ was a spell for beginners. She couldn’t let herself become overconfident. She still had a long way to go.  
  
“I find them rather agreeable to work with, yes,” Remus said, smiling. “Anyway, a feather – or rather, a quill - is what we use to write with, and there is your likeness to the pen. But what makes this transfiguration difficult is that the material is not the same at all, even though the intent is. Now, you really need to focus on the feather to become a pen, and only that. Ignore your surroundings. Now, close your eyes.”  
  
Buffy took a deep breath, lifting her wand and pointing it at the feather before she let her eyes flutter closed. Remus leaned forward. “In your mind’s eye, there is only the quill.”  
  
“Just a quill…only a quill…” Buffy muttered to herself.  
  
Remus smiled tiredly. “But now, something happens,” he said. “It is slowly becoming something else…a pen. A beautiful feather light and smooth ballpoint pen in the same colour as the dark feather - can you see it in your mind’s eye?”  
  
Buffy gulped. Was it wrong to find this erotic? She shook her head, shutting her eyes closed even tighter. Right! Don’t forget the quill! Focus! On the _quill!_ Quill, pen…quill, pen, Remus, pen…no, no, wait, quill, pen, quill, pen…  
  
“…You want that pen…and the only way to get it, is to transform that quill into something just like it… _focus…”_ Remus whispered, his breath tickling the Slayer’s ear. Buffy squeaked.  
  
There was a flash of light and a slight ruffling sound. Buffy opened her eyes, staring in delight at the pen – a perfect copy of the way she had imagined it - in front of her. “I did it!”  
  
Remus coughed. “Yes, you did,” he croaked out, and Buffy turned to look at him, her eyes widening as she saw he was covered in dark feathers and ink. “We might have to work on the control and concentration part again,” Remus coughed out, sneezing. “Are you _sure_ you were only focusing on the quill and the pen?”  
  
Buffy grinned nervously. “Of course,” she said innocently, while crossing her fingers behind her back.

* * *

Remus panted loudly as he rushed down towards the Whomping Willow, and shot off a spark to the knot on the trunk, stilling the branches. The moment he had jumped down, and were in the tunnel, he started to pull off his clothes. He didn’t have much time.  
  
He had been so wrapped up in the tutoring session; in helping Buffy, that he had completely lost all sense of time. He could already feel the wolf boil with rage, wanting to get free…the wolf hated being trapped…his skin was itching…  
  
“What kept you?” A voice stuttered out, the moment the tunnel ended and he arrived in the Shrieking Shack.  
  
Remus didn’t answer Peter, who had been the one to speak, but instead, threw his book-bag into a dusty corner, his shoes following quickly, before giving his wand to James for safe keeping.  
  
Sirius was smirking. “Well, he was with Buffy - he’s a warm blooded male – of course he forgot the time! Plus, she’s hot. And, not to mention, foreign.” He let his eyebrows waggle suggestively. “I’ve heard American women are supposed to be great in the sack. Maybe you could find out for me, eh?”  
  
Remus glared at his fellow Marauders, who were now openly sniggering. “Oh, shut it,” he muttered, angry at himself for letting himself get so preoccupied by Buffy. Angry at himself for falling for her. He was a werewolf, for Merlin’s sake – like he had told Lily, nothing good could ever come of a relationship with Buffy – of a relationship with _anyone._ That he’d allowed himself to get so distracted he’d forgotten about the moon – forgotten about what he was – for a moment, was only further proof of what a bad idea it was. A bad and dangerous idea – and yet so tempting.

James, still smiling, glanced at his watch. “I can’t stay long, Moony,” he said. “I have to meet Lily for patrol in an hour, so the adventure must be cut short tonight.”  
  
Remus nodded, ignoring Sirius who was rolling his eyes and making gagging noises. “Prongs is getting boring!” He exclaimed. “Responsibility this and duties that!”  
  
“It’s called _growing up,”_ Remus said dryly. “Maybe you ought to try it.” He grabbed the waistband of his boxers – the only clothing he was still wearing – with his fingers to pull them off - but before he could, he started to convulse, and he lost his balance, falling to the floor.  
  
The transformation had begun.  
  
In the corner of his eye, Remus saw James, Sirius and Peter transform into a majestic stag, a giant dog, and a small rat, respectively. He bit his lip to keep from screaming in pain – trying to keep a strong façade up in front of his friends – as he felt his skin tear as the wolf was working itself free from its cage, and up to the surface… He was tasting blood…smelling blood – he had bitten through the skin – nothing unusual though. Remus couldn’t take the pain anymore – he screamed, high and loud.  
  
Through a dim of tears, he saw the animals turn their heads away. Remus didn’t blame them. The transition from man to beast - wasn’t a pleasant sight – and something he didn’t want them to witness at all, which was why he usually threw them out of the room as he felt the moon rise.  
  
But today, he had been late.  
  
Today, he had been sidetracked by a beautiful smile, a sweet, rosy blush and lively blue-green eyes… And he had pushed away all thoughts of the doom he knew was to come; the moment the full, bright globe that was the moon – and his worst nightmare - lit up the sky.  
  
The wolf was slowly taking over his mind now. Remus was slipping…he let out another cry – he was stubbornly fighting against the inevitable, even though he knew resistance was useless… Blue eyes turned amber, limbs changed and teeth lengthened…  
  
One, last desperate cry escaped his throat – a raw cry of helplessness and despair – that soon turned into a feral howl of victory and triumph. Remus was no longer present – only the wolf existed now. And it was pleased – it had won another round. The human had given in – he always did.  
  
Moony stood up, sniffing the air. He smelled dust and wood and blood – he smelled familiarity – he had been here before. Always, always, he woke up in this place, which always held the lingering presence of humanity – he growled - and then he felt the smell of dog, stag and rat – his pack was here! His tail stiffened as he growled deeply, teeth bared, in case one of them had decided to challenge him during his sleep.  
  
But no, the stag bowed his head in submission, and the rat tucked its tail between his legs, hiding behind the dog, which lowered itself down on his back, with the front legs curved and a subservient expression on its face.  
  
Satisfied that he was still the Alpha of the pack and unchallenged, Moony let his tail fall back into a relaxed position, where it started to waggle back and forth in playful delight, as he yapped out his greetings, tongue lolling out of his mouth.  
  
He then walked towards the door, standing up on his hind legs and pushing it open, the rat, dog and stag following obediently.  
  
He longed to get out of this constricting space – he wanted to play in the beautiful forest with his pack – with Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.

* * *

Moony let out another happy howl. He was free, and his pack was here, playing with him. He knew he had been in the forest for a rather long time, playing with Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, running around the trees and hiding, splashing each other down with water from the many pools in the ground, scaring all the smaller animals away with their barks and howls and sounds of unrestricted joy.  
  
He never wanted this moment to end.  
  
And yet, he knew, that end it must.  
  
The moment the sky started to clear, Padfoot and Prongs, with Wormtail riding on his antlers, would force him away, back to the dirty and cramped building. And then, his lovely bright white globe in the heavens, would slowly fade, and be replaced by something even bigger and brighter and oh so despicable. Because then, when that _other_ globe rose, he would be forced away by the pesky and disgusting boy that shared his body. And he would have to crawl back into his dark and lonely corner and wait for a long, long time, before he was allowed to come out and play again.  
  
His howl died out. His ears tensed up, and he sniffed the air, growling.  
  
There was an unfamiliar presence in _his_ forest.  
  
A human.  
  
He quickly took off in a run, sniffing the air and ground as he did so, the smell growing stronger the further into the forest he came. Behind him, he heard his pack beg him to wait, Padfoot’s barks ringing in his sensitive ears…  
  
But Moony did not stop.  
  
He was in a hurry – he had to find this human and rip it apart – humans did not belong in his forest!  
  
It was a human – the human that was a part of his body - that forced him back into hiding right when he enjoyed his freedom the most…  
  
Humans were a threat, and he had a duty to protect his pack…  
  
Humans were evil, and could be given no mercy, because they showed him none…  
  
He hated humans.

* * *

Buffy was very pleased. She had conquered her second bit of Transfiguration! Maybe Remus was right, and she’d turn out to be good at it. She couldn’t wait to show him later. She sighed, swirling her sword around carelessly while looking at the large trees surrounding her in disappointment. She really had expected a forest that looked so dark and uninviting to hold all kinds of creatures. But so far, there didn’t seem to be any vampires or demons.  
  
She had asked Dumbledore about it, when she had first seen it from one of the castle windows – and the Headmaster had told her the forest was forbidden for all students, because of all the creatures that lived there… Of course, he had also told her that she, as the Slayer, was free to venture into it, as long as she left the peaceful beings alone, along with the giant spiders, for some reason.  
  
She sighed. Perhaps there weren’t any creatures here that she could slay. But then again, why shouldn’t there be? Hogwarts was a school, and from experience, she knew vampires loved those kinds of hang-outs… Buffy quickly banished that thought, though, as _experience_ immediately had her mind travel to the Scoobies and Angel…  
  
Suddenly, she heard rustling – from something other than the wind - and she spun around, body tensed, ready for action. Her eyes narrowed though, as she saw no movements… but her senses told her there was something there…  
  
She let out a loud yelp in surprise as something jumped out of the bushes, attacking her with a growl, and she raised her sword - more of a reflex than anything else – but nonetheless, she was pleased as she felt it slash through something neatly, and the growl turned into a whine of pain.  
  
Wait…whine? Demons and vampires didn’t whine. Did they?  
  
She spun around, and her eyes widened as she got sight of the creature that had attacked her.  
  
It was a werewolf.  
  
It didn’t look much like Oz – less hair for one thing, and a lot more canine-like too, more like an actual wolf - but perhaps they looked different in this world. Or perhaps, it depended on the lycan.  
  
And that’s when it hit her, and she paled. She had hurt a human being. It might be a werewolf right now, but it was human all other days. And when in Diagon Alley, Lily had mentioned she knew a werewolf – the one who had granted a hair to her wand – which most likely meant that this was a student.  
  
Buffy dropped her sword, and she slowly walked closer to the werewolf, which was lying on its side, twitching, and bleeding badly from a wound in its gut. Tears appeared in her eyes, and she fell down on her knees beside it, using her hands to try and stop the bleeding. What if it – he – died?  
  
She had already killed Angel – the _man_ she loved – would now this werewolf – who had probably never even hurt anyone, like Angel had, in his lifetime – die, unnecessarily, because, she, Buffy, couldn’t keep her reflexes in check?  
  
This death wouldn’t even be for the ‘greater good,’ like Angel’s death had been. She wouldn’t be able to handle it, she knew. Angel’s death had almost killed her, and another would be too much for her to take.  
  
“Please, don’t die,” she muttered, stroking the werewolf’s fur, shrugging of her jacket and pressing it against the wound, as only her hand wasn’t helping.  
  
The werewolf opened his eyes – amber eyes – and stared at her tiredly. Then, they started to gleam, with new life, and he started to struggle to get up, jaw snapping at her angrily, and she jumped back in fright. Of course. He saw her as a threat – as an enemy. Natural instinct.  
  
“Easy…” She whispered, voice hoarse from tears.  
  
But the werewolf was still struggling to get up. And it kept struggling, fighting against his heavy limbs and a continued steady flow of blood dripping from his gut.  
He got up on his front legs…his back legs followed. His body tensed, and it seemed like he got ready to jump… Buffy got ready to run – she wasn’t suicidal. Not yet, anyway.  
But just like it seemed like the wolf was about to rush at her, the muscles in the legs wavered, and his body fell back onto the ground with a heavy thud.  
  
And yet, it tried again to get up. Now it only got up his front legs, before he fell back down. And then, he tried again. And again. And again. And again.  
  
But every struggle ended, quicker and quicker for every time. Tears appeared in Buffy’s eyes – it was such a sorrowful sight. She could almost see how his eyes were growing more and more defeated… And then he wasn’t fighting anymore. He had given up.  
  
Holding up her hands in surrender, Buffy slowly walked near the wolf again, who now was simply laying there, legs twitching, and ribcage heaving with every laboured breath.  
  
She kneeled down by the wolf – who was now only regarding her tiredly, in defeat - but with a glint of fear – and…gratitude? - in his eyes – again, once again covering the wound with her jacket, pressing hard.  
  
She felt so helpless. There was nothing she could do, except sit here…and wait. Wait for the sun to rise, so she could carry him back to the castle – she couldn’t take him up to the castle as he was now, in werewolf form.  
  
“…I wonder who you are,” she mumbled. “I’m so sorry about this; I never meant to hurt you. I thought you were a vampire or a demon, see, but you’re not, and, did I mention I was sorry? And God, I'm rambling. I've spent too much time with Willow, I think. Willow’s my best friend back home, and she always babbles on and on…” Buffy stopped her prattling, as she noticed the wolf’s eyes had closed, and she dragged in a shaky breath.  
  
She hoped the wolf had shut his eyes because her voice calmed him, but she knew that was only wishful thinking.  
  
He was dying.

* * *

Moony had reached the origin of the smell. There, in a clearing, in _his_ forest, his _territory_ stood a girl.  
  
She was rather small, and looked like she was daydreaming. She looked innocent.  
  
Helpless.  
  
And Moony hesitated.  
  
For some reason, he didn’t want to attack the girl. Had she really come to hurt him and his pack? Perhaps she was only out for a stroll. After all, this forest was beautiful, and he couldn’t really blame her for wanting to visit it.  
  
No. She wasn’t a threat. Moony lowered his head slightly, and started to back up, leaves rustling as he did so… And the girl tensed, and she suddenly seemed alert and wide awake.  
  
Moony realised the girl was carrying something he hadn’t paid attention to before - something that was gleaming in the light from the wonderful bright globe in the sky.  
  
He didn’t like it.  
  
The girl had taken the stance of a warrior – and with the gleaming thing in her hand, she looked like a huntress.  
  
Her innocent look had only been a facade. And Moony had let himself be tricked. He jumped out of the bushes, pouncing on the girl with a loud growl…the girl yelped in shock, and Moony felt a twinge of satisfaction at the sound – no human should come here and think they could take over his forest and his pack! He was the Alpha!  
  
Then…  
  
PAIN!  
  
The girl had lifted the gleaming weapon, and it had penetrated his skin, burying itself in his flesh and _cutting through._  
  
It _HURT,_ and a whine escaped him, as he landed - on all four paws, but the cut had taken him by surprise, and because of that he lost his balance and fell down on his side.  
  
He heard the heavy thunk of the weapon hitting the ground, and Moony smelled blood – his own blood – and he suddenly _hated_ the girl. Who was coming closer.  
  
He smelled sadness and…regret?  
  
Why would she be regretful? Hadn’t she meant to hurt him? Moony felt confused and disoriented, and his muscles refused to obey him – his limbs were twitching, and he felt so heavy and _tired_ all of sudden. The smell of blood was growing stronger…  
  
The girl sank down on her knees and Moony closed his eyes, feeling dizzy. Then, he felt someone – her – touching him, pressing small, feminine, but surprisingly _strong_ hands against his belly. And then, she was… _petting_ him!  
  
And it felt nice.  
  
Her hands were then removed, and he felt something soft and warm replace them, but it didn’t feel as good – but then, he could feel the outlines of her hands push against his stomach again, pressing down from above the softness.  
  
He opened his eyes, and slowly turned his head to look at her.  
  
The girl’s eyes were filled with…pity? No – compassion, and anguish.  
  
Why? Why did she _care?_  
  
She was human – she had done this – she wasn’t supposed to care!  
  
And neither was he. Why was he letting her do this? This was certainly a trick, to make him think she was _nice._ But he was the Alpha, he wasn’t going to let her conquer him. Suddenly wide alert, he startled to struggle to get his limbs under control, his jaw snapping at the girl, who jumped back, frightened.  
  
That was the real order of things – he, as the hunter, and she, as the prey - he wasn’t going to give in so easily – she hadn’t won yet.  
The girl said something, but Moony didn’t care about that: He only wanted to get _up!_  
But it was so hard – why was it so difficult? His entire body was so heavy, and he felt wobbly and lightheaded.  
  
He finally got up on his front legs…his back legs followed. And Moony felt a surge of triumph flow through his veins. His body tensed, and he got ready to pounce – the girl looked wary now… In his mind he was already jumping…but his body stayed absolutely still.  
  
And then, he was falling, falling back towards the ground – his legs were refusing to hold him up! Panic surged through him.  
  
Why did he feel so _weightless?_ He felt absent, like his body and mind were two different entities. His limbs refused to obey him!  
  
Furious at himself, he got his front legs up again, by sheer _willpower_ – but his backside wasn’t following automatically, like they should. And then, his front legs failed him too, and he was once again back on the ground.  
  
He tried again. And again. And again. And again. But he just felt _weaker!_  
  
 _Why?_  
  
A whine of fear wanted to escape his throat, but it got stuck halfway.  
  
He tried to get up again, but this time, it was all too much – his limbs weren’t obeying him anymore, no matter how much he struggled – they were just lying there, twitching offensively, like useless things that didn’t really belong to him, because they weren’t following his commands.  
  
And Moony was terrified. He had never felt so alone – not once had he felt as helpless as now – not even when he had been locked up alone, with no pack to keep him company.  
  
Where was his pack? Why weren’t they coming?  
  
He felt so tired all of sudden and he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. It was hopeless.  
  
He didn’t care that the girl had once again sat down beside him, and was once again pressing that soft thing against his wound, which was still bleeding, but not so heavily anymore. He did wonder why she was still here though – she must know she had won.  
  
Or perhaps she hadn’t meant to injure him? Perhaps, she had only been trying to defend herself, against him, like he had tried to do, against her? Either way, it didn’t really matter anymore. He was just grateful for her presence. He didn’t want to be alone, and even though his pack wasn’t here – someone was.  
  
The girl was suddenly talking, and Moony felt himself relax, a little bit at the time, his eyes closing. Her voice was smooth, and gentle, and he felt like he could lay here, with her, just listening, forever…  
  
He suddenly realised he had stopped hating her, and that he forgave her for hurting him.  
  
He was growing more and more tired now, and her voice seemed so far away, and that feeling of weightlessness was increasing…  
  
…But it was alright, because he wasn’t alone.

* * *

 **Published:** 22/06 -13

 **Edited:** 24/06 -13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Moony, aka. Remus Lupin in werewolf form.


	6. Slayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**28 September**  
  
Buffy let the tears fall freely and she bowed her head over the werewolf’s body. The blood had stopped flowing, but the creature was so _still._ He was still breathing, but that was that – the movements of his ribcage were almost unnoticeable.  
  
There was a sudden rustling from the bushes, and Buffy looked up, in surprise, as a stag - with a rat on its antlers - and a dog burst into the clearing. Her surprise multiplied ten-fold, as the rat scurried down, and then, the three animals became…human. “Oh my God!” She exclaimed, staring at James, Peter and Sirius in shock. “You’re…you’re…you can turn into _animals?”_  
  
“Yeah,” James said. “It’s not exactly legal though, so don’t go spreading it around…” He glanced at his watch, groaning. “I forgot all about the time - Lily is going to _kill_ me!” That’s when he saw the werewolf by Buffy’s feet, and he paled, as he realised who, exactly, it was that was lying there.  
  
“Holy Hippogriffs,” Sirius gasped, having seen him too. Peter rushed to the closest tree, were he proceeded to throw up.  
  
“Who did this?” James asked weakly, kneeling down by the creature and lifted up an eyelid to check the reaction of the pupils.  
  
“I-I…” Buffy stuttered, “I did.”  
  
Sirius, Peter and James’ heads swirled around to stare at her.  
  
 _“What?”_ Sirius breathed out, and he grabbed her shoulders and shook her, angrily.  
  
“I-It was in self-defence!” Buffy cried out. “I didn’t realise it was only a werewolf until it was too late! If I had, I never would have hurt him!”  
  
It didn’t seem like they were listening.  
  
“What were you doing in the forest anyway?” James demanded to know. “Do you have any idea how dangerous it is?”  
  
“I’m the Slayer!” Buffy exclaimed, and James and Sirius froze, though Buffy only rambled on, not noticing. “I got permission from Dumbledore to patrol the forest! I thought he was a demon! Or a vampire! I – ”  
  
“…You can’t be the Slayer,” James interrupted, rubbing his head. “It’s not possible.”  
  
“What’s a Slayer?” Peter wondered.  
  
“A myth,” Sirius stated, glaring angrily at Buffy. “You expect us to believe that?!” Peter didn’t look much the wiser.  
  
“It’s the truth!”  
  
Sirius snorted. “You’re clearly delusional.”  
  
“We don’t have time to argue!” James said, interrupting the argument he realised was coming. “We have to get help, before Remus dies!”  
  
It was Buffy’s time to freeze. “That’s _Remus?” she_ asked weakly, pointing in shocked disbelief at the barely alive werewolf.  
The boys didn’t get the chance to answer, however, for in that moment the werewolf started to turn back, and Buffy watched in horrid fascination as she heard the creaking of bones, and tearing of flesh, as the wolf turned back into human, confirming that is was, indeed, Remus. A dirty, bloody and deadly pale Remus, with blue-tinged lips, Buffy’s jacket the only thing covering him up and giving him some - but almost no - modesty.  
  
Sirius quickly conjured up a blanket and wrapped it around Remus’ body carefully, his grey eyes dark with worry.  
  
“…Remus,” she breathed, her heart beating quicker. If he died...  
  
James conjured up a stretcher. “We have to get him to Madam Pomfrey, quickly.” He sounded grim. “We don’t have much time.”

* * *

Lily rounded the corner frowning deeply, arriving in the corridor leading past the Hospital Wing. She was _not_ happy with James Potter – she shouldn’t be surprised that he stood her up though – after all, patrolling was all work and no play. But still, he _had_ promised to take the whole Head Boy-business seriously, and during their first patrol, Lily had thought they had connected. They’d had a civil conversation, and James had handled the situation with Sirius beyond her wildest expectations. The fact that he seemed to have forgotten all about his promise only a few days later, well, it _hurt._  
  
Suddenly, Lily saw the boy in question come running. “Well, it’s about time!” She snapped, glaring, putting her hands on her hips. “Though it would have been better if you had shown up, say, _hours_ ago.” That’s when she noticed Sirius, Peter and Buffy in tow, with Remus floating behind them on a stretcher, and she gasped in shock as she saw how bad he looked. Her anger faded away and was quickly replaced by worry for her friend. She had forgotten the full moon was tonight. “What happened?!”  
  
No one answered; they only pushed straight past her, yelling for Madam Pomfrey.  
  
“What’s going – ” The matron froze as she got sight of Remus. “ – What is the meaning of this?”  
  
“We found him like this in the Shack,” James lied, not really knowing why he was covering for Buffy. But then again, they were covering their own arses as well – they had no reason to be in the forest during a full moon. “We have no idea how he got hurt,” he added as Poppy lifted up the blanket, only to drop it in shock and gasping as she saw the gaping wound.  
  
“He can’t have done that to himself,” she spat out, eyes spitting lightning. “That is no wound from claws or teeth – that is a sword injury, mark my words!”  
  
Buffy winced, something that didn’t escape Lily’s notice. What was going on here?  
  
“Everybody, out!” Poppy said. “Shoo! If I am going to be able to save him, I need peace and quiet! Someone, tell Horace to get here with every healing potion he can think of!” Peter rushed off. “And you,” Poppy added, pointing at Sirius, “get the Headmaster.”  
  
“I’m already here,” a voice said from the door opening, revealing Dumbledore, in pink bunny slippers and a red and gold silk pyjama with snitches. “I had a feeling I might be needed. Come now.” He gently led Buffy, Lily, James and Sirius outside.  
  
“She should be locked up in Azkaban!” Sirius exclaimed, the moment the door closed, pointing at Buffy, who winced again. “She did this! She tried to murder him!”  
Lily’s jaw dropped.  
  
“There is no need for such accusations, Sirius,” Dumbledore said, not seeing the need to use their last names in a situation like this. “I would very much like to hear what happened,” he added looking at Buffy.  
  
“I-I was out in the forest, patrolling,” Buffy got out. “And I heard a noise, and then he – Remus – jumped out and attacked me. I-I just reacted – I thought he was a demon, or a vampire. It didn’t hit me that it was a full moon and that it could be a werewolf.”  
  
“Like that would have mattered to you,” Sirius spat.  
  
“Yes, it would have!” Buffy glared, raising herself to her full height. “I don’t kill humans!”  
  
“Many don’t see the distinction between wolf and man,” James cut in. “Why are you any different?”  
  
“Why are you?” Buffy countered, and James fell silent at that. Lily was pleasantly surprised – the James she knew would have begun ranting.  
  
“I may not have known Remus for very long,” Buffy continued, more quietly. “But he is a friend. And even if he hadn’t been, I still wouldn’t want him dead. Werewolves might be dangerous, but that’s only three days per month – for the rest of it, they’re just as human as we are.”  
  
“One day,” Dumbledore corrected.  
  
“Huh?” Buffy blinked.  
  
“One day per month, not three.” His eyes were twinkling. “Things are a bit…different in our universe, as you may have noticed.”  
  
“Wait, rewind, please,” Lily said, rubbing her temples. _“Our_ universe? What do you mean, Headmaster? And why was Buffy, eh, _patrolling_ the forest in the first place? Isn’t it forbidden?”  
  
“Buffy, shall you, or shall I?” Dumbledore asked, sounding rather amused.  
  
“You go ahead,” Buffy mumbled, crouching together and resting her head on her knees miserably. “I’d probably only mess up the explanation…”  
  
Lily frowned, and she gave Buffy a worried look, though she was the only one.  
  
“Of course. Simply put, Buffy is a dimensional traveller. She comes from the future – a future that belongs in another universe, where there is no wizarding world, but there is, on the other hand, a Slayer. The same Vampire Slayer we only hear about in legends, and I asked for her assistance in ridding the forest of any dangerous creatures there. Except for the spiders, of course.” He chuckled lightly. “Hagrid would never forgive me.”  
  
“So you weren’t lying then,” James mumbled, feeling guilty.  
  
“Now,” Dumbledore smiled, clasping his hands together, and looking at James and Sirius. “Why don’t you tell me the truth about where you found him, you two, hmm?”  
  
James and Sirius froze, and they gave each other panicked looks. “What do you mean?” Sirius forced out, putting on his best innocent expression.  
  
“What I mean,” Dumbledore said, still smiling, “is that while Buffy said she encountered Remus in the forest, I heard James telling Poppy you found him in the Shrieking Shack. So you two, James and Sirius, are not being completely honest with me.” His eyes twinkled. “Because I find it highly unlikely that Buffy is lying about patrolling the forest, and was, instead, patrolling the Shack.”  
  
Sirius and James blinked nervously.  
  
“I carried him there,” Buffy blurted out suddenly, drawing Dumbledore’s attention to her. “I-I James and Sirius had told me how to get inside, when we were talking earlier today, and I thought…I thought that I should get the werewolf – well, Remus, I suppose – inside somewhere, so he wouldn’t get cold, but I couldn’t very well take him to the castle until he transformed back,” Buffy continued to ramble on, the lies flowing off her tongue rather easily, despite the fact that she had no idea what this _Shrieking Shack_ was, except for a safe house of some sorts, she supposed. That much she had been able to decipher.  
  
Behind Dumbledore, she saw Sirius and James gawk at her, incredulously, shocked that she’d cover for them, especially Sirius, considering he’d called her…well, a liar, mental, and, not to mention, a murderer. They quickly recovered though, and by the time Dumbledore turned back around, their relieved expressions had turned blank.  
  
“Yeah,” James nodded. “And after sunrise, Sirius, Peter and I went to make sure Remus got back to the castle alright, after his transformation, and we, well, found Remus hurt like that, with Buffy beside him.”  
  
“Indeed,” Dumbledore said, fingering his beard. “Still, that doesn’t tell me how young Remus got out of the Shrieking Shack in the first place. It seems I will have to reinforce it. Ah, Horace, Peter, there you are.”  
  
Horace Slughorn nodded towards the Headmaster, before hurrying into the Hospital Wing, a large box of potions in his arms.  
  
“I will see if Poppy needs any further assistance,” Dumbledore said, following him inside, leaving three fourths of the Marauders, along with Buffy and Lily, alone, outside.  
  
“So,” James said, sighing, turning to Lily. “Out with it. I know you’re dying to ask.”  
  
Lily frowned, confused. “Ask what?”  
  
“Why Buffy covered for us, of course,” Sirius exclaimed. “It can’t have slipped your notice.”  
  
“Oh, that,” Lily said, snorting. “I suppose you’re referring to becoming Animagi to keep Remus company during the full moon, when you venture out in the _Forbidden_ Forest and put us all in danger, in case you lose control over him.”  
  
Sirius, James and Peter’s jaws dropped.  
  
“How did you know?” Peter squeaked out.  
  
“Well, I figured out that Remus was a werewolf, didn’t I? It wasn’t that hard to realise there must be a reason for him suddenly becoming much happier and healthier in the middle of fifth year, even around the full moon. I confronted him about it, and he spilled.” She shrugged. “He could never keep anything secret from me – I can read him like a book, if not better.”

“So you know about the cloak and the map too, I suppose,” Peter said miserably.  
  
“Ye-wait.” Lily frowned. “I know about the cloak. But what map are you talking about?”  
  
“Great job, Wormtail,” Sirius said, slapping the shorter boy on the top of his head.  
  
“Never you mind,” James said smoothly, throwing an arm around her shoulder. “I’ve been thinking – I know you’ll never say yes if _I_ ask _you_ to Hogsmeade because that would destroy your reputation as an ice-queen, but, say, _you_ can ask _me_ to Hogsmade, and _I’ll_ say yes, and we’ll _both_ be happy!”  
  
Lily blinked, for a second confused about the sudden change in subject. She was also rather pleased about James’ arm being around her, for some strange reason she didn’t care to figure out at the moment. Then, her brain caught up about what James was talking about.  
  
“You’re just too much, do you know that?!” She exclaimed, shrugging off his arm. “First, you forget about our patrol – though that is kind of my fault - I shouldn’t have scheduled it during a full moon. But, then you have the nerve to ask me out on a date, when Remus is in there, _dying?” She_ threw her hands up. “I can’t believe you!” She walked over to Buffy, who was still on the floor, leaning against the wall, and sat down, muttering about conceited Potters.  
  
“Nice cover-up, Prongs,” Sirius said, nudging him in the ribs. James sighed, messing up his hair, the bad habit making its way to the surface now when he was anxious and fretting.  
  
“I suppose,” he said. ”But was it worth it?”  
  
“Sure it was,” Sirius said, patting him on the back. “We need to have some secrets of our own, right?”  
  
“If you say so…”  
  
The door to the Hospital Wing opened, and Buffy and Lily surged to their feet as Dumbledore stepped out, along with Professor Slughorn.  
  
“You’re still here?” Slughorn said as he got sight of them all, managing to sound surprised and rather cheerful at the same time. But then, he always did, so they couldn’t take that as a sign that all was well with the world... “Go have some breakfast, and then try and get some sleep before classes.” He disappeared down the corridor.  
  
“How is he?” Lily asked Dumbledore anxiously.  
  
“Is he awake?” Peter asked.  
  
“Will he be alright?” James wondered.  
  
“Can we see him?” Sirius demanded to know.  
  
“Did I manage to kill someone else off?” Buffy asked, sounding rather bitter and dejected, like she expected the worst having come to pass, and everyone turned towards her, shocked.  
  
“Buffy!” Lily exclaimed in astonishment. “Don’t say that!”  
  
“I will have to agree with Miss Evans,” Dumbledore said, back on last name basis. “It was touch and go for awhile – Mr Lupin lost a lot of blood, but no vital organs were hit – if that had been the case, he would have died long before sunrise. Also, it is very lucky the weapon you used was not real silver, because then we would have to deal with metal poisoning as well – again, if he had made it ’til after sunrise, which I doubt.”  
  
“So he’ll be alright?” Buffy whispered, sinking down to the floor, the shock of what had happened not really hitting home until now.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Buffy could have cried in relief. “So,” she swallowed. “He’ll recover completely? No permanent consequences? And are werewolves really allergic to silver?” Buffy asked. “I thought that was a myth.”  
  
“Only when in contact with the bloodstream, or when the werewolf is in its transformed state,” Dumbledore corrected. “And yes, Remus will recover fully, do not worry.”

“So, can we see him?” Sirius said, repeating his question impatiently.  
  
“Not at the moment. He’s asleep and needs all rest he can get – as do you, I believe.”

* * *

Later that day, Lily walked into the Hospital Wing quietly, immediately spotting the person she was looking for. “Why aren’t you in class?” she asked, and Buffy, who was sitting on a chair by Remus’ bedside, looked up.  
  
“I saw no use for it since I wouldn’t be able to concentrate anyway. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for this.” She grabbed one of Remus’ hands carefully, squeezing slightly, as she sighed deeply.  
  
“It was an accident,” Lily reminded her. “You couldn’t have helped it. You reacted – it was a natural reflex.”  
  
“A reflex that could have killed him,” Buffy said bitterly.  
  
Lily sighed. “What if Remus had been a demon or something and you _hadn’t_ reacted? Then _you’d_ be dead. You have those reflexes for a reason. You need them. You’re the Slayer, correct?”  
  
“Maybe I’d be better off dead,” Buffy said miserably, letting go of Remus’ hand. “And if being a Slayer is all that I am…” She trailed off. “I thought I had accepted it, but all that destiny crap has only brought death and misery to all I care about. Just take Angel for example.”  
  
“And I’m sure that same destiny-crap has saved far more,” Lily said, her tone of voice making it clear that that was the end of the discussion, and that she wouldn’t listen to more of Buffy’s self-blame. “And I am kind of curious about this Angel. In Diagon, you said it was your fault he died, but I sensed there’s more to the story. I guess it has to do with you being the Slayer, and that’s why you didn’t tell me everything, but now there’s no reason to hold anything back, since I already know.”  
  
Buffy squirmed in her seat. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she said. “Why aren’t _you_ in class, by the way?”  
  
“I skived off,” Lily said. “It’s not like I need the Potions lessons anyway, according to Slughorn.”  
“You skived off?” Buffy repeated incredulously.  
  
“Don’t be so surprised,” Lily said lightly. “I happen to think there are many things in the world far more important than school! And I had a feeling you needed a friend. So don’t try and change the subject!” She scolded lightly. “I think you need to tell someone about this Angel fellow of yours. It can’t be easy, carrying so many things alone. And I’m here, all willing and ready listen.” She grinned. “And, since I skived off class for you, it’s the least you can do.”  
  
Buffy’s lips twitched. “If you put it that way…” She sighed. “I don’t know where to begin…”  
  
Lily squeezed her shoulder, conjuring up a chair for herself. “The beginning usually works best for me,” she said softly, and Buffy let out another deep sigh.  
  
“Alright. I had just moved to Sunnydale, and was on my way to a club, when I realised I was being followed. It turns out it was Angel, who gave me a cryptic warning - that was our first meeting…”

* * *

“…I kissed him, and I killed him,” Buffy finished, tears running down freely from her face.  
  
“I-I don’t know what to say…” Lily stuttered out, conjuring up a tissue, giving it to Buffy who accepted it gratefully.  
  
“You don’t need to say anything,” Buffy said, sniffing slightly. “You listened, and that’s enough. I think I needed to get it off my chest. You were right, talking about it does help.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Lily said sadly. “For all that you had to go through…but I can honestly say that you are sharing position number one on the list of the strongest and bravest people I know.”  
  
“Really?” Buffy asked, managing to grin slightly through her tears. “So, who else is there? Who’s sharing my spot? James?”  
  
Lily rolled her eyes and she snorted. “Merlin, no! He is.” She tipped her head towards the bed. “What Remus goes through every month – what he has had to deal with every month since he was three, plus all of the shunning, fear and hatred that comes with it – well, you must be very strong and courageous to handle all that.”  
  
“Why, thank you,” a croaky and tired voice spoke up, and both Buffy and Lily jumped, their heads turning to look at Remus, whose eyes were still closed. “I think I’m flattered.”  
  
“Re!” Buffy exclaimed, the nickname she’d given him in her head and only accidentally let him hear once in the library, slipping out. “You’re awake!”  
  
Remus slowly forced his eyes opened and looked at the two girls, who looked like they were about to squeeze the life out of him. “No embraces, please,” he forced out, throat dry, stopping them both mid-reach. “Your sappy adoration is almost too much.” He tried to smirk, but it came out more as a grimace.  
  
“Oh, you’re horrible,” Lily muttered, leaning back into her chair. “If you weren’t hurt, I’d punch you.”

Buffy smiled, glad that Remus truly seemed to be fine, all things considered.

“How much did you hear?” she then asked. “Of my story?”  
  
Remus seemed to think. “Almost all of it. I woke up when you squeezed my hand.”  
  
Buffy blinked. Oh. That meant he had really heard _everything,_ including the part when she told Lily about losing her virginity and that that was the moment of perfect happiness that made Angel lose his soul. That wasn’t something she wanted a boy to hear, and especially not Remus, for some reason. Perhaps because she felt she had grown closer to him than Peter, James and Sirius and thought things would be awkward between them, whereas James and Sirius would only tease her about it once or twice and then forget all about it.  
  
Lily seemed to have realised too, for she suddenly giggled, and excused herself, saying she should probably get to Arithmancy.  
  
“So the Slayer exists, huh?” Remus asked, the second the redhead was out the door.  
  
“Yep,” Buffy said in a monotone voice, her mind trying to figure out if she had said something else revealing and embarrassing…which she probably had.  
  
“And you’re she.”  
  
“Yep.” Buffy sighed, resigned.  
  
“And you don’t kill werewolves,” Remus stated, looking for confirmation.  
  
“Nope. Or well, I try not to. I mean...” Buffy gestured helplessly towards the  
bed. “But I don’t seem to do a very good job of it.”  
  
“I’m alive, aren’t I?” Remus asked, lips twitching. Buffy wasn’t smiling back, though, and an uncomfortable silence followed. “Do you think you could get me some water?” Remus begged, after several moments of awkward silence. “My throat feels like it’s made of sawdust.”  
  
“Oh, right!” Buffy said, grabbing the glass on the nightstand and lifting it to Remus’ lips so he could drink, as he was too weak to do it himself at the moment. Some of the water dribbled down on his chest, however, and Buffy blushed.  
  
“Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Remus said, his voice a bit clearer now. “Besides, I’m the one that should be sorry.”

Buffy frowned. “For what?”

“For attacking you. Dumbledore told me what happened when I woke up for a short moment earlier today. I mean, I was kind of out of it, but I got the gist of what happened.” He frowned as he saw Buffy’s shocked look. “It is still _today,_ right?” he wondered anxiously. “I mean, I haven’t missed days or something?”  
  
“It’s still today,” Buffy assured him. “But I don’t understand what _you_ have to be sorry about! It was _my_ fault! You couldn’t help what happened! You were transformed!”  
  
“Whether I was in control or not doesn’t matter!” Remus exclaimed. “It was still me! I still did it! I’m still to blame!”  
“No!” Buffy protested loudly. “It was an accident!”  
  
Suddenly, Remus guilty and despairing expression turned into a smirk. “An accident indeed. So we are clear that it was something neither you nor I could have prevented or done anything about, which means, neither of us are to blame.”  
  
Buffy blinked. Then she scowled. “You set me up,” she grumbled.  
  
“And you fell for it,” Remus deadpanned. “Seriously though – Merlin, I love saying that when Sirius isn’t here and can turn it into a stupid pun – if I’m not allowed to think that it’s my fault, then you are not allowed to either.”  
  
Buffy pouted, but then she smiled. “Fine. We are both victims in this, I get it. I’d hug you to seal the deal, but a handshake will have to be enough.”  
  
Remus smiled, lifting his right hand tiredly, Buffy grabbing it and shaking it carefully. That’s when Madam Pomfrey stuck out her head from her office, her eyes widening. “You’re awake?!” She exclaimed loudly, stalking over to the two. “Why didn’t one of you tell me?!”

“We have been making quite a racket out here. Is it our fault you weren’t listening?” Remus said, lips twitching teasingly.  
  
Madam Pomfrey huffed. “Don’t get smart with me, Remus!” She said, but she was smiling too. She had, after all, treated him before and after almost every full moon since he was a tiny and unhealthy looking first-year.  
  
Because of that, their relationship went a little beyond that which normally transpired between matron and student, to something more resembling the attachment between close relatives or confidants.  
  
Pomfrey’s smile faded as he felt his forehead, and she glowered at Buffy. “You have tired him out!” She scolded, and Remus rolled his eyes, though Buffy frowned worriedly. He did look a little warm – his cheeks were flushed on his otherwise pale face, and his blue eyes seemed a little bit too glassy for it to be natural. Perhaps she _had_ tired him out…  
  
“I’ll be by later, probably with the others too,” Buffy promised standing up.  
  
“Oh, no, you don’t,” Madam Pomfrey said. “Remus needs to rest today – you can come visit tomorrow.”  
  
“Fine, tomorrow,” Buffy agreed dejectedly. “Bye, Re.”

“Bye,” Remus said, lifting his hand tiredly to wave, only to have it slapped down by Madam Pomfrey who told him to lie still, if he knew what was good for him.  
  
The last thing Buffy saw before she closed the door, was Remus rolling his eyes again, and mutter; “yes, _mum,”_ the sarcasm in his voice unmistakable.

* * *

**29 September**

“Ow! You’re stepping on my foot!”  
  
“So? You’ve been elbowing me the entire way here!”  
  
“Guys! Stop trying to kill each other! With my luck, you’ll end up slaughtering me instead!”  
  
Remus blinked sleepily, waking up to the sound of bickering voices. The Hospital Wing was completely dark, the only light coming from a charmed watch on his bed stand. For a short moment, he looked around in confusion, but then he grinned. “You can take off the cloak, you three,” he said, coughing slightly. “We’re alone in here.”  
  
There was a sudden stillness…and then…a rustle, as Peter swept off the Invisibility Cloak that was covering him and James and Sirius, who currently had each other in a headlock.

“Sorry about the ruckus,” Peter said, rolling his eyes at James and Sirius, who were now trying to poke each other’s eyes out, from the look of it. He walked over to the bed, carrying a box of chocolate frogs. “Chocolate cures everything, right?” he stuttered out.  
  
Remus smiled. “Thanks. Prongs, Padfoot…?”

“Huh?” Sirius looked up, wincing as this made James pull on his hair harder.  
  
“Did you say something?” James blinked, glasses askew and his hair an even bigger mess than usual.  
  
Remus smirked, rubbing the last of his sleep away from his eyes and sitting up. “Are you deliberately trying to wake Madam Pomfrey up?”  
  
Sirius and James let go of each other sheepishly. “Sorry.” They rushed over to the bed, bouncing down on it, being careful not to land on Remus. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I just got woken up by a horde of wild Hippogriffs,” Remus said dryly. “What are you doing here? It’s the middle of the night! Buffy said you weren’t going to come here until tomorrow!”  
  
“Well,” Sirius poked the shining watch with a finger. The hands showed that it was five minutes past midnight. “Technically, it is tomorrow.”  
  
“And,” James added. ”Can you blame us for wanting to see our bestest friend who has had a very rough night?” He pouted. “I can’t believe Madam Pomfrey forbade us from seeing you all of yesterday, because she said we’d be too loud!”  
  
“Yeah!” Sirius added, huffing indignantly. “Us? Loud? Never!”  
  
Remus laughed.

* * *

“So tell me more about slaying,” Lily demanded to know excitedly. “I’ve read all about the myth, of course, but I have no idea if they’re accurate. Is it true you can sense when evil is near?”  
  
“Well, sort of. Sometimes, my spider-sense tingles,” Buffy said, stretching out her legs in front of the fire and wiggling her bare toes. “That’s what I call the tickling feeling I get on my neck. It’s difficult to describe, but…it’s like a shudder goes through me, you know? And I get all these goose bumps, and my hairs stands on end – well, not really, but you get what I mean.”  
  
Lily nodded knowingly, her green eyes twinkling brightly. “That’s wicked,” she mumbled. “Do you get any vibes when patrolling the forest? Why didn’t you sense Remus?”  
“The ‘dangerous and forbidden forest’ seems to be a dead zone,” Buffy said dryly. “Not a single vampire!” She pouted. “I haven’t even spotted the giant spiders or the Centaurs that are supposed to be there. Apart from Remus, I haven’t run into anything. And no, I didn’t sense him. Maybe that should have been a clue he wasn’t something – or rather someone – I should kill. But he startled me, and my tingle-sense doesn’t always work. Only when there is something really evil around, like a big bad who wants to bring about the apocalypse or something.”  
  
“Well, in that case, I think you should be lucky you haven’t sensed anything. Or run into the Acromantulas – the spiders – for that matter,” Lily said. “The same goes for the Centaurs. James told me they don’t like students running around in what they see as their territory.”  
  
“ _James_ told you, huh?” Buffy said teasingly.  
  
“Yes, _James told me,”_ Lily said, rolling her eyes. “I suppose he’s talking from experience. He’s probably run around in the forest several times, both in his Animagus form and without. Still, his rule-breaking aside, he can be rather civil, you know. No one is more surprised at that then I am, believe me.”  
  
Buffy grinned. “So, his plans of marrying you and having messy-haired, green-eyed children aren’t completely a lost cause yet, then?”  
  
Lily glared. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

* * *

 **30 September**  
  
“Hi,” Sirius said the following day, settling down beside Buffy. “Has James told you the result of the Quidditch trial yet?”  
  
“No,” Buffy muttered, not looking up from her book.  
  
“Well, I’m sure you’ll be happy to know you probably made the team,” Sirius said.  
  
“What makes you say that?” Buffy demanded to know excitedly. “Do you have the results?”  
  
“No, but I suppose it’s a given,” Sirius continued, stretching slightly. “As the Slayer, you’re bound to have a great balance, great reflexes, strength in spades, a mean throw and perfect sight - you’re guaranteed to be an awesome Quidditch player in any position.”  
  
Buffy smiled gratefully, but it faded quickly, as Sirius suddenly took on a grave look. “What you should consider, however, is this: do you really want to be on the team so badly that you’re willing to take the spot from someone who has been practicing for this his entire life, and deserves this chance – has _earned_ this chance - while you got this idea on a whim, and still beat him and everyone else, because you’re _gifted?_ I realise this sounds mean,” Sirius added, his expressions softening slightly. “But Quidditch means a great deal to everyone, and I know Gryffindor wouldn’t want someone on it who doesn’t really want to be there. I’m just asking you to consider if being on the team is really what you want – are you willing to put your _soul_ into it?”  
  
Buffy frowned. Sirius had made her reconsider – though he could have put it in a nicer way, he had been honest, and his point got through…plus, she had a feeling he didn’t really like her because of what happened to Remus – who was still in the hospital wing. Still, he didn’t say anything that hadn’t already crossed her mind.  
  
“Prongs is a slave driver as Captain,” Sirius continued. “That’s why Gryffindor has won the Quidditch Cup every year since he took over, and, since this is his last year, he’ll probably be worse than ever. You will have to spend a lot of time on a broom, Buffy. Do you have that time, if you really plan on passing all of your subjects?”  
  
Buffy’s frown deepened.  
  
“Just think about it,” Sirius said, walking away.

* * *

 **Published:** 16/08 -13

 **Edited:** 01/09 -13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers.


	7. Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

 

**5 October**  
  
Buffy frowned as she stared at the moving picture in her Charms book, which showed the reader how to charm an object to tap-dance. Not that she could see the reason to learn that, but that might just be because she had already tried to imitate the movement several times, but it wasn’t going too well and she was becoming frustrated.  
  
“I so need help,” she muttered, throwing her head back in frustration, wishing Mandy weren’t in class. The two girls had run in to each other in the library a couple of days after the forest incident, and had gotten to talking. To their surprise, they found they’d had quite a lot in common. Since then, they had begun to study together in the library, or just hang out, Lily or Michaela sometimes joining them.  
  
Of course, at first, the conversations had mostly consisting of Mandy complaining about Sirius Black, and his stalker-tendencies, and questions of how she and the other Marauders could possibly stand him to Buffy’s infinite amusement. Because for someone who claimed to not care about Sirius Black, he sure was occupying a large part of her thoughts. The same could be said for Lily’s endless complaints about James Potter, though they had been more half-hearted lately, as if she didn’t really mean them. And speaking of James Potter...  
  
“I know something that will cheer you right up,” James said, throwing himself down in the sofa beside her.  
  
“Yeah?” Buffy asked, staring at her wand in despair. “And what’s that?”  
  
“Remus is being released from the Hospital Wing later today, so you can have your tutor back.”  
  
Buffy sat up a bit straighter. “Really?” she exclaimed, feeling a smile appear on her face.  
  
“Yep. But he’ll have to take it easy for awhile. You could always ask Sirius for help – he has a free period at the same time you do as well.”  
  
Buffy winced slightly. “I don’t think so,” she said. “I don’t think he likes me very well,” she muttered.  
  
James frowned. “Oh. Is it because of what he said the other day? About you’re belonging in Azkaban?” James added. “He didn’t mean that – he was just upset – we all were – but Sirius tends to be rather hot tempered.”  
  
Buffy sighed. “No, it’s not that.” She licked her lips nervously. “Well, it is that, but there are other things too.” She forced out a smile. “Don’t worry about it.”  
  
James frown deepened. “If you say so,” he said uncertainly. “Anyway.” He pulled up a piece of paper from his jeans pocket and threw it to her. “I’ve got the result from the Quidditch-trials here. You made the team!”  
  
Buffy’s eyes widened in disbelief. Sirius had prepared her for the possibility, but it was still a shock. She leaned heavily backwards, sinking down into the soft couch material. She almost couldn’t believe it. “I made the team,” she whispered.  
  
“Yes, I did say that, didn’t I?” James said grinning. It faded into a frown however, when he realised Buffy wasn’t smiling. “Well, you could at least act a _little_ happy about it,” James huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
Buffy looked down at the paper, staring at the results. There it was, black on white, clear as day: _Buffy Summers – Chaser, 1 st line-up._

“I really did make the team, huh?” she muttered.  
  
James smirked, not able to resist mussing up his hair. “Yep.”  
  
Buffy took a deep breath, handing the parchment back. “I can’t accept the position.”  
  
James smirk fell. “What?!” He exclaimed, standing up.  
  
“I’m sorry,” she said, miserably. ”But it wouldn’t be right.”  
  
“What do you mean, not right?” James said, starting to wave his hands around, pacing the common room. “You’ve earned it, fair and square!”  
  
“But I didn’t! Not really,” Buffy said, burying her face in her hands. “It wouldn’t be right to those who have practiced long and hard to get the position, while I just show up out of nowhere and steals it from under their noses!”  
  
James hazel eyes blazed in anger. “That’s not true! You got the position because you were the best!”  
  
“Because I’m talented!”

“And is that wrong?” James scoffed. “I’m talented! Hell, that’s how I got on the team!”  
  
Buffy let out a sound of frustration, before taking a deep breath, and staring into James’ eyes determinately.  
  
“What I’m trying to say is, I don’t think I’m ready for the responsibility, James. If I was, I wouldn’t be standing here, trying to give my position up.” She smiled softly. “I’m just not prepared to sacrifice everything to be playing. I know what the game means to you, and to have a member on the team who doesn’t really want to be there, it wouldn’t be fair. And besides,” she added wryly, “I think I need to put all energy on my school work if I plan to pass even _one_ subject.”  
  
James frowned, letting go of her hands and starting to pace again. “Alright,” he said. ”I see your point. And I _was_ kind of worried about how you would split your time between Quidditch and homework… _But,”_ he added, “I will place you on the reserve team. You don’t have to come to practices regularly. Just show up whenever you get the time.”  
  
Buffy smiled. “Thank you.”

* * *

Later that day, during another one of her free periods, Buffy was pouring over some books about Defence Against the Dark Arts in the library, when a shadow fell over her, and she looked up in surprise.  
  
“Do you need any help?”  
  
“Sirius! You startled me.”  
  
“Sorry.” He pulled out a chair, sitting down opposite her.  
  
“So you have a free period too?” Buffy said, lowering her eyes down to the DADA-book again. “James mentioned something about that…”  
  
“Is it about anything interesting?” Sirius asked, nodding towards the book.  
  
Buffy grimaced. “Not really. It’s about Cornish Pixies.”  
  
Sirius snorted. “Oh, I remember when we had to face those. Our teacher just told us the spell to freeze them, but didn’t let us practice it before hand… The classroom was in chaos afterwards. It took forever to clean up.” They both chuckled awkwardly. “I heard you turned down the Chaser-position,” Sirius said, breaking the silence.  
  
Buffy nodded, still not looking up.”Yeah.”  
  
Sirius took a deep breath. “I hope it wasn’t because of what I said,” he mumbled, fingering his red- and gold-striped tie nervously.  
  
Buffy smiled. “It wasn’t, don’t worry.” She shrugged. “But you were right. I wasn’t ready to pour my soul into Quidditch. And,” she gestured towards the book. “I do need all the time I can get to study. You opened my eyes to reality. Thanks.”  
  
Another awkward silence fell around the table.  
  
“The reason I came here,” Sirius began hesitantly, breaking the quiet again, “was to apologise. I know I haven’t been very nice lately.”  
  
“You don’t have to,” Buffy said hurriedly, closing the book. “I understand.”  
  
“No, you don’t,” Sirius said, frustratingly. “I – what I said about you trying to kill Remus and stuff – I know you couldn’t have helped it. I know it wasn’t your fault. I was wrong; I was out of line, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything. But I want you to know why I reacted the way I did.”  
  
He fell silent again, squirming a bit on the chair uncomfortably.  
  
“I’m sensing a story, here?” Buffy prompted gently.  
  
“You’re right,” Sirius mumbled. “There _is_ a story. I just need to find the right words…” He frowned. “It was in sixth year,” he said, finally.  
  
 ** _Flashback_**  
  
 _“He’s following us. Again,” Sirius muttered angrily, casting a look over his shoulder, glaring at the greasy-haired Slytherin who was walking behind them, smirking, and taking in their every move.  
  
“Just ignore him, Sirius,” Remus muttered, rubbing his arms as if he was freezing.  
  
“Why can’t he just mind his own business!” Sirius continued to rant. “I mean, doesn’t he have anything better to do? Like WASH HIS HAIR,” he said loudly, once again turning to look at Snape, whose smirk quickly died.  
  
James and Peter sniggered.  
  
“Sirius, please,” Remus sighed. “Just let it go.”  
  
“No, I won’t!” Sirius exclaimed, lowering his voice. “If we let him continue, there’s only a matter of time before he finds out about _ you-know-what.”  
 _“Oh, stop worrying, Padfoot,” James said, clapping him on the back. “There’s no way Snivellus will figure out Remus’ furry little problem.”  
  
“Well…we did,” Peter said, glancing backwards worriedly. “And…he is kind of bright.”  
  
James and Sirius froze in their steps. “You did not – I repeat – did _ not _– just compliment the big-nosed git’s intelligence, did you, Wormtail?” Sirius said, voice dangerously low.  
  
Peter squeaked. “N-no, of course not. But he does always score awfully high on Potion-tests and stuff…”  
  
James snorted. “Lily scores higher,” he said, dismissing him. “And speaking of Lily, did you see her in Charms earlier? She was _ brilliant.” _He stared dreamily ahead, and the others groaned.  
  
“Not again,” Sirius muttered. “You’ve already mentioned it four times!”  
  
“So?”_

 _“You need a psyche evaluation, Prongs,” Sirius said, shaking his head. “Before you’re beyond all salvation.”  
  
“I fear it’s already too late,” Remus said dryly.  
  
\---  
  
Sirius gritted his teeth in frustration, before casting a glance out the window. James had already left, wanting to ask Lily out one more time before moonrise. Peter was in the kitchen, stuffing himself full with snacks, and Remus had left for the Hospital Wing early. This left Sirius alone, and stuck with the stalker. He finally spun around.  
  
“Can’t you just go off yourself?” Sirius snapped.  
  
Snape smirked, crossing his arms and leaning against the corridor-wall arrogantly. “That would make your day, wouldn’t it, Black?” he questioned. “And there’s your answer: No, I won’t. Merlin forbids I do something that would make you happy.”  
  
“Just leave me _ alone!” _Sirius exploded. “I am_ so _tired of you following us around, like a lost puppy! It’s kind of pathetic, actually.”  
  
Snape smirk widened into a smug, full blown grin. “I will,” he said to Sirius surprise. “If you tell me where Lupin disappears to every month.”_

 _“In your dreams,” Sirius hissed, clenching his fists.  
  
“Well,” Snape said. “Then I suppose you’ll just have to bear the pleasure of my company for a lot longer.”  
  
Sirius finally lost it. He was so tired of Snape following them around! The Marauders hadn’t been able to play real pranks in forever, because he was always there, watching! They had to be careful about what they said, because he might be there, listening! No, Snape had to be brought down, before he drove them all to insanity!  
  
“You want to know where Remus goes?” Sirius snapped. “Fine! Go to the Whomping Willow after moonrise, and push the knot on the tree trunk. I’m sure you’ll be surprised.”  
  
Snape looked taken aback. “Are you out of your mind, Black? Approaching that tree is suicidal!”  
  
Sirius shrugged, disappearing down the corridor. “Well, you wanted know, didn’t you? And besides,” he added under his breath. “It won’t be the tree that finally rids us of your sorry arse.”  
  
\---  
  
“You’re looking pleased,” Peter noted as Sirius entered the common room.  
  
“I am,” Sirius said, throwing himself down in one of the armchairs in the room. “I finally took care of our problem.”  
  
“Oh, yeah?” James asked, absently, holding up his Invisibility Cloak and the Marauder’s Map. “Are you talking about Snape? You’ll have to tell us all about it on the way to Moony.”  
  
“Nah,” Sirius shrugged. “I think we ought to stay here tonight, Prongs. We wouldn’t want to get in the way of things.”  
  
James’ eyes narrowed. “What do you mean? What things?”  
  
Sirius suddenly became very interested in his nails, pretending to inspect them thoroughly. “Oh, you know. _ Things.”

“ _No, I don’t know,” James said, suddenly wary. “What did you do?”  
  
“Oh, nothing much,” Sirius quipped. ”I just told Snivellus how to get past the Whomping Willow.”  
  
Peter’s jaw dropped, and James eyes widened. “What?” he hissed.  
  
“Yeah, I know!” Sirius chuckled. “Isn’t it brilliant? The best prank ever! Ought to give ol’ Snivellus quite the scare! I can’t imagine he’ll ever bother us after this!”  
  
James spluttered incoherently. “Are you mad?!” He finally got out, and Sirius looked at him, surprised at his angry tone.  
  
“Why are you so upset, Prongs?”  
  
James grew red. “Upset?” he hissed. “Upset?! I’m way beyond upset! Do you have any idea what you just did?!”  
  
“Yeah,” Sirius said slowly. “I got rid of a problem.”  
  
“No,” James said, shaking his head. “You just sent Snape to his death! Or worse! And either way, it will be Remus’ who’ll pay for it!”  
  
Sirius blinked. “Huh?”_

 _“What do you think will happen when Snape stands face to face with a fully-grown werewolf?” James snarled. “Moony will either kill him, or turn him! And, come morning,_ Remus _will be the one facing the consequences of a crime_ you _made him do! He’ll be executed, Sirius!”  
  
Sirius paled. “Prongs, I swear, I didn’t mean it…I-I wasn’t thinking…”  
  
“That much is obvious,” James spat. “Peter, watch him, and alert Dumbledore to what’s happening,” James said, turning around and starting to walk towards the portrait hole.  
  
“Where are you going?” Sirius said weakly.  
  
“Someone has to save Snape’s sorry arse,” James snapped. “And I doubt it will be you!”_  
  
 ** _End Flashback_**  
  
“…Dumbledore made Snape swear not to tell anyone. I lost Gryffindor all points, though James earned most of them back immediately for rescuing Snape. I got detention every day for the rest of the year and I had to research werewolf laws and regulations thoroughly, so I’d be fully aware of what the consequences Remus would have faced if he’d bitten Snape. I also lost the respect of all my teachers, and my friends’ trust. Remus wouldn’t even look at me, let alone speak with me, for weeks,” Sirius finished.  
  
“So you see? I’m still feeling guilty from the…incident,” Sirius said. “I couldn’t bare it if anything happened to him. That’s why I’m kind of…overprotective. I could have gotten Remus executed, because of my stupidity. The situation in the forest, between you and Moony reminded me of my own mistake and I took it out on you. I’m sorry.”  
  
Buffy smiled. “I understand.” She held out her hand hesitantly. “Friends?”  
  
Sirius grinned. “Friends. You know, I’m extremely curious,” he added, “why you’ve never said much about your dimension to us.”  
  
Buffy shrugged. “Not much to tell.” She swallowed. “And you didn’t exactly find out about it under the best of circumstances. And to be honest, it sort of hurts to think about it.”

“I understand,” Sirius said solemnly. “Is there anything you can tell me? You know, things that don’t hurt?”  
  
Buffy sighed. “Well, all personal memories are out then, but I guess I could tell you general stuff…like, how Muggle technology has really advanced forward.”  
  
“That sounds...really interesting,” Sirius said, trying, and failing, to keep a straight face.  
  
Buffy snorted. “I suppose that wasn’t what you were after, huh?” She stretched out her legs in front of her and looked down at her hands. “It’s just…all the things in my life lately involve pain and heartbreak – I’ve spoken about it to Lily, and Remus, because he happened to overhear, and it helped, but it still hurts,” Buffy admitted. “And all the rest, all the good moments, they involve my friends, and I miss them…” She trailed off, staring into space wistfully.  
  
“What are their names?” Sirius asked.  
  
“Willow, and Xander.” Buffy smiled in reminiscence. “Willow’s a lot like Lily, actually, only a lot less confident and self-assured. And Xander reminds me of you, the Marauders – the only difference is his humour is a lot geekier, and he doesn’t play pranks – in fact, he’s mostly the one at the end of sticky, embarrassing situations.”  
  
Sirius chortled. “What kind?”  
  
“Well, once, he captured the interest of an Inca Mummy Girl, and then there was this Giant She-Mantis, and another time, he managed to somehow become infused with the spirit of a Hyena,” Buffy said. “Not to mention have all of Sunnydale’s female population become completely obsessed with him and have them following him with axes and throw their clothes off in front of him just so he’d go out with one of them,” Buffy finished, purposefully leaving out the fact that she’d been the one to throw off her clothes.  
  
Sirius stared. “You’re kidding.”  
  
“I wish,” Buffy grinned, and then sighed. “Best friends a girl could ask for.”  
  
“Hey, you have friends here too,” Sirius said, bumping her shoulder with a fist playfully, hoping to drag her out of her slump. “And now I’m one of them, and you can’t have a better friend than me!”  
  
Buffy snorted. “You think very highly of yourself.”  
  
“But of course – any low thoughts about myself simply don’t exist,” Sirius joked.  
  
“Right,” Buffy drawled.  
  
“You don’t believe me?” Sirius mock gasped. “Well, we can’t have that! Oi! Wormtail!” Sirius yelled down the stairs. “You down there?”  
  
Soon, there was a slight scuffling sound, and then, Peter’s head showed up by the bottom of the stairs, with a spot of ink on his nose. “What? I’m studying!”  
  
“And I need your wise opinion: am I or am I not the most gorgeous, intelligent, charming, sexy, funny, witty creature to ever walk this Earth?”  
  
“You forgot modest,” Buffy mumbled to herself under her breath, thoroughly amused.  
  
“Uh…” Peter stared at him. “Right. Of course you are.”  
  
“See?” Sirius beamed at Buffy, completely ignoring the utter disbelief and obvious sarcasm lacing Peter’s statement. “Told you.”  
  
“I think you need a reality check, because – “ Buffy made a fist and knocked it lightly against Sirius’ skull, “I’m knocking, but nobody’s home.”  
  
Sirius gasped, and burst out into fake tears, loud sobs erupting from his mouth. “Meanie!” Peter grinned widely at Sirius’ theatrics, before disappearing out of sight again, presumably to go back to his studies.  
  
“Aww, I didn’t mean it, babe,” Buffy exclaimed, continuing to play along: “I know it’s not your fault you’re an air-head - it’s all that plastic-surgery.” Their eyes happened to meet and they burst into simultaneous laughter.  
  
“A-are you insinuating my good looks are not the real thing?” Sirius gasped out, once he’d calmed down a bit.  
  
“But of course,” Buffy grinned. “No one is born that good-looking.”  
  
“Except me – and I suppose you think Remus,” he teased.  
  
Buffy flushed. “Uh…” was all she could manage to say, rather unintelligently.

Sirius smirked triumphantly.

* * *

 **6 October**  
  
“Knock, knock!” Buffy said, stepping into the hospital wing with a worried smile the following day. “I brought chocolate.”  
  
Remus smiled back tiredly, waving and then letting his arm fall back to cover his eyes with a groan. “Put it on the night stand,” he mumbled. “What time is it?”  
  
“Around lunch,” Buffy said, sitting down on the side of his bed with a sympathetic grin. “Have you been up at all today?” she wondered.  
  
Remus shook his head. “No.” He sighed, slowly propping himself up on his pillows. “I thought I was getting better, but it seems I was wrong.”  
  
Remus had woken up, feeling a lot better, and had even managed to eat dinner in the Great Hall the previous evening. He had felt relatively well, and thought he’d be able to go to classes. However, when he stood up this morning, a wave of dizziness had come over him and he’d nearly passed out. James, Sirius and Peter had wasted no time taking him back to the hospital wing, where Poppy had immediately pushed him into a bed, ordering him to rest.

Buffy frowned, feeling guilty: she was well aware of the fact that Remus' current predicament was her fault. “I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Buffy said, hoping her voice sounded light and hopeful. “And you know I am really sorry about what happened.”

Remus chuckled. “Haven’t we already been over this? It was an accident, and I don’t blame you.”

Buffy smiled weakly. “I know. So how long have you been a werewolf?”

Remus sighed. “Too long. I was bitten when I was little, and I have nearly no memory of the few years before it happened. I’m not sure if that’s a blessing or a curse – on the one hand, I don’t know what I’m missing, and on the other, I wish I could remember, if only to a have a memory of a time when I wasn’t a monster.”

Buffy jerked back in shock. “You’re not a monster, Re.”

Remus laughed humourlessly. “You’re joking, right? You even saw me when I was transformed – I even tried to kill you! How can you not find me monstrous?”

“I didn’t see a monster at all. I thought you were beautiful,” Buffy whispered.

Remus stared. “I –“

“And even if you had been monstrous, as you say, in your transformed state, that doesn’t change the person you are,” Buffy continued.

Remus held up a hand, looking away. “ – Just stop,” he interrupted. “Please. That you can accept that I’m a werewolf is fine, and I’m grateful for it. It only shows that you’re a real friend, like Lily and the others. But don’t go around making speeches about how I’m not a monster. I know I am. Every full moon, I’m reminded. Every time I open a book about Defence Against the Dark Arts or dangerous creatures, I’m reminded. Every time I read about another werewolf attack in the newspaper, or about another restrictive law being passed, I’m reminded.” He glared. “What I am is ugly, and dangerous, and disgusting, and that won’t ever change.” He turned his head away from a speechless Buffy, tears burning in his eyes. “I think I’d like to be alone now. I’m tired.”

Buffy blinked slowly, wanting to say something, but no words that wouldn’t sound like empty platitudes came to mind. Instead she stood. “I’ll see you later,” she muttered, fleeing the hospital room.

“You shouldn’t push her away,” Madame Pomfrey admonished as she moved to check on him. “She cares for you.”

Remus angrily wiped away some tears. “It would be better if she didn’t.”

Poppy huffed. “For you or for her?” she asked. Remus didn’t answer and Poppy sighed, patting his hand gently. “You know, Remus, I gave you the ‘sex-talk’ when you were twelve for a reason, and it wasn’t for you to remain celibate and alone all your life.” Ignoring the embarrassed flush that appeared on Remus’ cheeks (really, like the sex-talk he’d been given by his parents the summer before hers hadn’t been bad enough!), she continued: “Clearly, your lycanthropy doesn’t bother the girl – you should take the chance to try and be happy. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t, but at least you’ve tried. Don’t take the coward’s way out.”

Remus flushed. “Even if I was willing – and I’m not,” he hurriedly added, “she only likes me as a friend.”

“In my world, Remus John Lupin, female friends don’t call their male friends ‘beautiful’ unless they want to be more than just friends,” Poppy said knowingly. “Even if she was only referring to your furrier half.”

* * *

Buffy went back to the Gryffindor common room in a daze, feeling...well, to be honest, she didn’t know what she was feeling. She hadn’t meant to get Remus’ upset – she had only wanted to show him that she was there for him, a friend for him to count on, that his lycanthropy wasn’t going to scare her away...and everything had gone wrong.

She had had no idea that Remus felt that way about himself – hadn’t understood why – Oz had never seen himself as something monstrous, having had a rather factual, laidback attitude to his lycanthropy – but then, Oz was rather blasé about everything. Remus’ reaction was the complete opposite, and it reminded Buffy of how ignorant she was about how things worked in this dimension. On Remus, it sounded as though werewolves were something that were both feared and shunned amongst everyone – but how could that be, when they were normal people almost every day of the month except one?

“Hey, Lily, can I have a word with you?” she asked once she reached her dorm, feeling naive and miserable as she sank down on her bed, glad that Michaela wasn't there. While she was friends with the Gryffindor Chaser, she had no idea about Buffy's status as the Slayer, or Remus' lycanthropy, and they weren't close enough for Buffy to want her to know about it.

“Sure,” Lily agreed. “What’s up?”

“Remus. I visited him in the hospital wing, and one thing led to another and – “

“ – Oh, did you kiss?” Lily asked eagerly.

Buffy stared. “What? No!”

“Oh.” Lily looked disappointed.

“Why would you even think that?” Buffy asked, gawking.

Lily let an eyebrow rise. “Well, one: you find him attractive. Two: he finds you attractive. Three: you spend most of your tutoring sessions wildly flirting – “

“ – We do not!”

“ – even if neither of you realise that’s what you’re doing,” Lily continued without missing a beat. “Four: he really likes you, and five: you really like him. Unfortunately, you’re both in complete denial and too chicken to do anything about it.”

Buffy frowned. “Well, even if all those points were true – which they are not – I think I just blew every chance I might have had. If I did like him in a more-than-friends kind of way, which I don’t. I still love Angel.”

“And I never said you didn’t, I only said you liked Remus as well,” Lily said calmly. “And it scares the crap out of you. Anyway, what do you mean, you think you just blew it? What happened?”

Buffy bit her lip. “He referred to himself as a monster, and I said he wasn’t, and things just sort of went straight to hell from there.”

Lily winced. “I’m sorry.”

“It just...he made it sound so horrible,” Buffy said, hating how small her voice sounded.

“It _is_ horrible,” Lily said sharply. “Buffy, like you, I don’t think Remus is a monster. Nor does James, Sirius or Peter. But that doesn’t mean that his lycanthropy isn’t horrible – it’s tragic. We might belong to a magical society, but that doesn’t mean it’s not full of prejudices. People fear what they don’t understand, and I’m afraid werewolves usually take the brunt of that fear. Especially during dark times, like now.”

“And there are laws – restrictive, unfair laws – that make it impossible for werewolves to live like normal people. Laws that enforce the fear people have of them, because they are taken as verification that werewolves are nothing more than mindless beasts. From childhood to adulthood, everyone is taught that werewolves are monsters: there is ‘proof’ of that everywhere in schoolbooks, in literature, in bedtime stories. Remus’ opinion of himself is just a reflection of what he – what all of us – has been taught. It’s a form of indoctrination, really. It’s not right – it’s beyond wrong. I know that. You know that. Hell, even _Remus_ knows that. But unlike you and I, Remus has accepted it as something unchangeable – and that’s why he sees himself like a monster. Because in almost everyone’s eyes, that’s what he will always be, no matter what he say or does.”

Buffy swallowed, looking down. “Is it really that bad?”

Lily’s eyes were filled with sympathy. “Yes.”

“What can I do?”

Lily shrugged. “Don’t make a big deal of the unfairness of it all. Don’t make any grand speeches about how his lycanthropy doesn’t matter to you, and that it shouldn’t to him either – that will only piss him off and make him even more miserable. We can’t force him to see himself differently, Buffy – all we can do is give him time and be his friends, prove to him that we’re not going anywhere. And maybe, one day, he’ll look himself in the mirror and not see a monster, but someone to be proud of.”

* * *

 **Published:** 16/08 -13

 **Edited:** 24/08 -13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers.


	8. Realisation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**11 October**  
  
Snape gritted his teeth in annoyance, trying to concentrate on the Venomous Tentacula the class was working with. Ever since the beginning of the Herbology-lesson, that blonde American had been staring at him. Why she couldn’t have the class with the other Gryffindors, he didn’t know.  
  
What he did know, however, was that if she didn’t stop aggravating him, he would do something drastic. He quickly glanced to the right, and slammed down his rake on the worktable.  
  
“What,” he hissed, his coal black eyes glinting in anger, “are you doing?”  
  
Buffy, who had jumped at the sudden sound, put on her best innocent look. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said, quickly stepping backwards as to avoid the vines reaching out towards her from the dark red plant.  
  
“Oh, I think you do. Summers, is it?” Snape sneered. “If you don’t stop your little game in this instant, I will make your life a living hell. _Are we clear?”_  
  
“Crystal,” Buffy said, eyes blazing. She turned back towards her Tentacula, all too aware that she was in what Sirius and James would refer to as ’hostile’ territory, considering that, if you didn’t count Professor Birchanov, she was completely surrounded by Slytherins and evil plants.

* * *

The moment the bell rang, marking the end of the class, Snape was the first one out of the greenhouse, as usual. He quickly made his way towards the castle, ignoring the voice calling his name: “Hey! Snape! Wait up!” He had almost reached the castle, when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he spun around, wand at the ready.  
  
He inwardly cursed as he saw it was the American.  
  
“Don’t. Ever. Touch me. Again,” Snape said, voice low and threatening.  
  
Buffy held up her hands in surrender. “Sorry,” she said, frowning. “But I didn’t know how to catch your attention otherwise. You didn’t answer my calls.”  
  
“Did it ever occur to you that the reason I didn’t, was that I am not in the mood to talk?” Snape said sardonically.  
  
“Jeez, touchy, much?” Buffy huffed, crossing her arms.  
  
Snape rolled his eyes. “Listen, and listen well, Summers,” he said shortly, glaring. “I have no desire whatsoever to make your acquaintance, so stop pestering me at once, and go amuse yourself with your Gryffindor playmates. I am certain their company is far more pleasant than mine.”  
  
“But all my friends are still in class! And call me Buffy,” Buffy said sweetly. Was that a vein throbbing on his forehead? “And I want to talk to you.”  
  
“About what, if I may ask?” Snape wondered, scornfully.  
  
“Oh, nothing really,” Buffy said brightly. “I’ve just heard so much about you from everyone, and I wanted to get to know you a bit better.” The truth was that, it took her mind off of Remus and distracted her from the feelings she was beginning to have for him, along with the recurring dreams she had of killing Angel, presumably brought on by guilt. And between Sirius’ and James’ insults, and the story of the Whomping Willow, Buffy had been honestly waiting for the first opportunity that came along to talk with Severus ‘Snivellus’ Snape in person, face to face, so she could make her own opinion of the ‘greasy git.’ So far, she was not very impressed.  
  
“Am I correct to assume that everyone in this case is, in a lack of a better term, _the Marauders?”_ Snape spat out. “I am certain that whatever you have heard put me in a very favourable light.” His sarcasm was unmistakable. “Let me make one thing clear to you, _Buffy,”_ Snape continued, growling. “I do not associate with Gryffindors. Neither do I associate with yanks. And I especially do not, in any way, shape or form, associate myself with _anyone_ who calls themselves friends of Black, Lupin, Potter and Pettigrew. I am quite sure that all three counts include you.” He let an eyebrow rise. “Comprende?”  
He spun back around towards the castle, robes billowing behind him as he stalked away, leaving Buffy feeling quite stumped and angry.  
  
“Well,” she muttered to herself, turning to walk back towards the grounds to join up with her friends, who all, except for Peter (who had Divination) had Arithmancy, “I think I can safely say Severus Snape is not a people-person.”

* * *

“You’re avoiding Remus,” Lily hissed, settling herself down in one of the free chairs by the table Buffy and Mandy were sitting on in the library. Mandy threw them both a curious look.

Buffy flushed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said.

“I have a feeling this is something private,” Mandy said tactfully, standing up. “Let me know when you’re done.” She quickly left, walking away to browse through a bookshelf some feet away.

“Uhu. Of course you don’t,” Lily said sarcastically, glancing down at the heavy books in front of Buffy – all books pertaining to werewolves, lycanthropy, magical history and laws about dark creatures. She let out a deep sigh. “What are you hoping to solve with this, Buffy?”

“I’m not hoping to solve anything,” Buffy muttered. “I just want to try to understand Remus better. I was a complete ass without even knowing it because I didn’t understand where he was coming from.”

“You know you could just ask me. Or better yet, ask Remus.”

Buffy snorted. “Do you honestly think Remus would want to answer? You’ve made it sound like his lycanthropy is a rather taboo subject, most of the time. And you can only tell me your opinion. I want to create my own.”

Lily nodded. “I understand. So what kind of conclusions have you come to?”

“That the wizarding world is backwards, discriminatory, still mostly stuck somewhere in middle-ages and overall _nuts,”_ Buffy hissed. “I can’t believe my first impression was that it was so wonderful!”

Lily gave her a sympathetic expression. “It has some rather big faults. But don’t go bashing it completely. It’s not all bad.”

“I know,” Buffy muttered. “All my first-hand experience with it has been pleasant. I’m just not a big fan of the dirty things I find when I dig below the surface. Especially the things I find about laws regarding werewolves. Did you know they’re not allowed to hold a job at the Ministry? Or at a hospital? Or even apply for a job at all without making it clear that they are werewolves, thereby diminishing their chances of actually getting one at all?”

“Of course I did,” Lily said quietly.

“They even have to _register!”_ Buffy was red in the face with indignation. “Register! I’m getting awful Second World War wibes, Lily. There are even proposals that they should wear some sort of identifying pin. Luckily, those never got passed.”

“I know. Are you planning to jump into politics to try and do something about it?” Lily asked.

Buffy snorted. “No. Even if it weren’t for the fact that I hate politics, the fact that I’m a ‘Muggle-born’ would make sure I’d never get anywhere. The people I would need to listen – the people in power to change things – would never do so, just because of my blood. That, and the background and identity Dumbledore created for me would probably not hold up to close scrutiny.”

Lily chuckled humourlessly. “Well, perhaps people like James and Sirius can change things in the future. Their names are influential enough.”

“That doesn’t automatically make people listen, though,” Buffy pointed out. “It’s difficult to change public opinion, especially when it’s deeply ingrained.”

“It’s not impossible though, and if anyone can, it’s one of them. They are certainly stubborn and persistent enough.”

Buffy threw her an amused glance, while signalling Mandy that it was alright to come back. “You are really warming up to James, aren’t you?” she asked.

“What is it I’m hearing?” Mandy sounded amused. “Lily Evans, the ice-queen, thawing, at long last?”

Lily blushed. “Don’t be ridiculous. Potter has just been slightly less annoying this year, that’s all. By the way, Buffy, did you tell him my favourite candy is Sugar Quills?”

Buffy gawked at him. “No! Why would I do that? Besides, I had no idea it was your favourite candy in the first place. Why do you ask?”

“It’s nothing.” Lily’s blush deepened. At Mandy’s and Buffy’s looks, her shoulders slumped. “It’s just...he’s been handing me a Sugar Quill at the start of every class we share together. At first, I found it very suspicious, and I thought he had laced them with something, but I did a test – “ Mandy and Buffy snorted, and Lily glared. “ – Oh, shut up, I have a right to be somewhat paranoid. Anyway, I tested them, and they were clean. Normal. I just don’t understand how he knows it’s my favourite candy.”

Mandy and Buffy exchanged incredulous looks. “Lily, the man has been your admirer for years,” Mandy said. “The whole _school_ knows how he feels about you. And you think it’s strange that he knows your favourite candy? That he probably knows most things about you? The man is head over heels for you!”

“No, he’s not,” Lily denied. “He just likes to stalk me to piss me off, and because I’m the only one who has turned him down.”

Buffy snorted. “I hate to break it to you, Lily, but you couldn’t be more wrong.”

Mandy nodded empathically in agreement. “No one would go to the lengths he does just to _annoy someone._ He has actual feelings for you, Lily. He’s too persistent for it to be anything else. Plus, through our years at Hogwarts, have you ever seen him go out with anyone?”

Lily frowned. “Of course I have. Linda Matheson - ”

It was Mandy’s turn to snort. “ – That was a desperate three-day fling in an attempt to make you jealous.”

Lily’s frown deepened. “Fine. Laurie Becourt.”

“ – Asked him out over and over again: James accepted to shut her up. One single date at a Hogsmeade weekend, which James spent stalking you and Snape after ditching Laurie in the Three Broomsticks.”

Lily gawked. “How do you know all this?”

Mandy shrugged. “Laurie is a Ravenclaw. Besides, I think most of the school is quite aware of the drama between you and James Potter. It’s an endless source of amusement. Anyway, Linda and Laurie. That’s two people. Add to that one plus three days during which he was ‘dating’ them...that makes four days – four days during which his mind was preoccupied by _you._ Make of that what you want.”

Lily spluttered. “But I don’t like him that way!”

“Of course you don’t,” Buffy and Mandy chorused, clearly humouring her.

“I don’t!”

* * *

Later that evening, Lily had to face one of her nightly castle patrols with James as part of their Head Girl and Head Boy duties. They had been patrolling in silence for about fifteen minutes, with a blushing Lily glancing at James every ten seconds or so, James seemingly oblivious.

He really was handsome, Lily thought to herself as she inspected his profile, her blush deepening. Bad thoughts! Bad thoughts!

“Lily?”

“I was not thinking about you!” Lily blurted out, green eyes widening as she slapped a hand over her mouth.

James’ lips widened in amusement. “That’s too bad, I guess,” he said, his hazel eyes full of humour. “But I actually wanted to ask you about Buffy.”

“Buffy?” Lily echoed, wondering about the sudden jealousy rising in her stomach. Not that she had any right to be jealous: if James had decided to move his affections from her to Buffy, she should only be happy, though she did feel sorry for Remus' sake. He and Buffy could be great together, if they both got their heads out of their arses...

“Yes. It’s been days since Remus was released from the hospital wing, but Buffy hasn’t approached him even once. Not even to book another tutoring session.”

“Oh. Right,” Lily blushed again, feeling infinitely silly at her sudden, out of the blue assumption. God, what was wrong with her? “I’ve noticed she’s been avoiding him.”

“He’s been avoiding her too,” James said. “I’m just wondering if you know what’s going on: Remus is refusing to say anything, of course, and keeps pretending everything is bright and shiny.”

Lily laughed. “He does tend to do that, doesn’t he?” She shook her head, smiling. “Anyway, from what Buffy’s told me, she and Remus had a little...altercation in the hospital wing,” Lily admitted.

“Like a row?” James frowned.

“No, not a row, just...Buffy was made aware of certain _opinions_ Remus has about himself and his...monthly problem.”

“Oh,” James said in realisation, then frowned. “I thought she was alright with him being a werewolf? If she hurt him – “

“ – Buffy is not prejudiced,” Lily hurriedly said. “Far from it. Her problem stems more from the fact that _Remus_ is not alright with being a werewolf – mostly because she didn’t understand why he would feel that way.”

“How can she not understand?” James spluttered. “Surely she doesn’t think it’s a dance on roses?”

“Of course she doesn’t,” Lily said. “But she wasn’t aware of the wizarding world’s prejudices, so she didn’t understand why Remus would see himself as a...monster.”

“Ah. I see.”

“She’s been looking stuff up in the library. Werewolf laws and things. She’s really offended about what she’s found.”

James let an eyebrow rise. “As long as she doesn’t try to push Remus into standing up for himself, or ‘accepting himself’ – that won’t go over too well.”

“I think I made her see that,” Lily assured him. “I think they’ll be good for each other. If they ever acknowledge their feelings, that is. How two people can be so completely oblivious...” She shook her head in amused despair.

“Someone ought to help them along a little bit,” James suggested. “Because if we let them do things their own way, they’ll still be in denial when they’re old and wrinkled.”  
  
Snorting with laughter, Lily sent of a charm that slammed open all cupboard doors in the entire corridor, revealing them empty. James gave her an admiring look. “Clever.”  
  
Lily looked pleased. “Thank you. I thought we may as well save ourselves some time.”  
  
“Oh, really?” James smirked, looking around to make sure they were alone. “And what did you plan to do with the time left over?”  
  
“Uh…” Nervously, Lily backed up a few steps, until she felt the wall against her back. James was awfully close. “I…I’m not sure.” She licked her lips nervously, unaware what that small movement was doing to James, who gulped. “M-maybe we could…”  
  
“Yes?” James breathed.  
  
“…study,” Lily finished, face flushed. “I-I have to…study. Uh…N.E.W.T.s and all, you know? It might seem like we have lots of time left, but really, it’s only a few months and there are seven years of material we must repeat…”  
  
James blinked. “Oh,” he said lamely, taking a step back. “N.E.W.T.s. Of course. I’m…sorry for taking up your time.” Spinning around, he disappeared down the corridor, leaving Lily leaning against the wall, flushed and confused over the feelings that had surged up inside.  
  
“I do not like James Potter,” she whispered to herself, taking deep breaths to calm herself down. “I could _never_ like James Potter.”  
  
But she was not so sure anymore, and as she returned to her dorm and reached into her bags for her books, and found three brand new Sugar Quills there, her heart skipped a beat, her stomach suddenly filled with butterflies.

* * *

**12 October**

“Can I sit down?”

Remus looked up from the book he was reading, a smile appearing on his face as he saw Buffy standing there, weighing back and forth on her heels. “Of course you can.”

Buffy threw him a hesitant smile, sitting down in the free space on the sofa in the Gryffindor common room. There was an awkward silence, before they both opened their mouths at the same time: “You’ve been avoiding me,” they both blurted out.  
  
They both chuckled nervously.

“I guess we’ve both been avoiding each other,” Remus said.

“I’m sorry for running out on you,” Buffy said. “But all the things you said...” She looked around nervously to make sure no one was listening, and then lowered her voice: “I knew a werewolf in my old dimension. Oz. And things weren’t that bad for him, so when you told me of what it was like for you, it came as a shock. I suppose it was kind of naive of me to think lycanthropy wasn’t that big of a deal. I was only drawing from my own experiences and opinions, and I didn’t stop to think of the fact that this is not my world, and that things were bound to be different. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Remus said. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad – all those things just slipped out.” He scratched his neck awkwardly. “There are certain things that make me react. Badly. I’m sorry you had to listen to my rant.”   
  
“I’m not. I needed to hear it. I can honestly say that I am much less ignorant about the subject now.”

“Yes, I did hear you spent some time in the library,” Remus chuckled, while trying to draw up the courage to, as Poppy put it, _take a chance_. He took a deep breath. “Buffy, I…I like – ” He swallowed. “I…I…wondered if you might want to…eh…to go out somet... Uh...I mean…I just wondered if you’ve been practicing any more Transfiguration or not,” he finished lamely, inwardly cursing himself and trying to ignore the voice that sounded awfully like Sirius and was singing _“coward, coward, coward,”_ at the top of his lungs.

“Oh.” Buffy sounded oddly disappointed. “No, not really,” she said, shrugging.  
  
“Oh.” More awkward silence. “Well, do you want to practice now? I don’t have anything else to do.”

Buffy visibly lit up. “Alright! Just let me get my books.”

Buffy disappeared up the stairs to the girl’s dormitory and Remus let his head fall onto the tabletop with a loud ‘thunk’ ignoring the stares sent his way. _“I just wondered whether you’ve been practicing any more Transfiguration or not,”_ he mimicked himself with a mocking tone. “I’m such an idiot!” Taking a deep breath, he pulled himself together, telling himself his failure in asking Buffy out might have been for the best.

And as Buffy returned with her books, a bright smile in her face, Remus promised himself that he would be a good friend, and a good friend only, and he would be satisfied with that. After all, Buffy deserved so much better than what he – a werewolf - could give her.

* * *

 **13 October**  
  
Tapping his quill impatiently against the desk, wishing he was anywhere but stuck in a boring DADA lesson, Sirius let out a loud sigh, which was probably heard by everyone in the room – except for Professor Malcovitz, who was too busy ranting about something or other that no one - except himself - cared about in the slightest. “Do you know if the Astronomy Tower is booked for Halloween night yet?” Sirius asked, nudging James in the side. “I’m making plans for me and Mandy.”  
  
“You have become obsessed,” James said absently, far more interested in the girl sitting a few places away in the classroom – a certain Head Girl. He sighed dreamily, his eyes glued to her red hair, which was blowing softly in the breeze from the open window. “And it’s ages until Halloween, anyway. Hey, is she sucking on one of my Sugar Quills?” He felt suddenly giddy.  
  
In the front of the classroom, Professor Malcovitz was still droning on about something completely irrelevant. Even Remus, the by-all-proclaimed DADA-maniac, was looking bored: Instead of listening, he was passing messages to Buffy, on the parchment he was supposed to be using for note-taking. Something he’d written had the Slayer slap her hand in front of her mouth to cover up a giggle, with mixed success, as a weird sound still escaped her.  
  
“Remus!” Sirius heard her say. “That’s so mean.” She cast a quick glance towards the teacher.  
  
Remus smirked, looking rather satisfied. “But true.”  
  
Buffy grinned, and Sirius watched her scribble something back on the parchment, that had Remus laugh out loud, which earned him a glare from their teacher.  
  
“You can never be too prepared. And what do you mean _I’m obsessed?”_ Sirius pouted, his tapping with the quill growing more and more persistent.

“Mandy Walker is obviously not interested in you,” James said, pulling his eyes away from the green-eyed beauty in order to focus on his best friend. “The moment she sees you approach, she runs the other way!”  
  
Sirius’ head snapped over to glare at him. “Of course she’s interested!” He exclaimed. "And hello, pot, meet kettle! I could say the same about you and Evans!"

James glared. "It is _so_ not the same thing. Lily is just in denial."

Sirius rolled his eyes, not bothering to argue. "And so is Mandy," he said instead. "She’s just playing hard to get!” He gave him a smug look. “Not that it matters. I don’t mind a challenge.”  
  
James snorted. “Take a hint, for once – not every girl in this world is waiting to throw themselves at your feet. And stop the damn tapping! It’s annoying!”  
  
“Of course they are!” Sirius huffed, putting down his quill at last and crossing his arms over his chest. “Just you wait!”  
  
“Whatever. She’ll never go out with you, so why book the Astronomy Tower when you know she’ll never agree to go there?”  
  
“Yes she will!” Sirius protested. “You said it yourself: it’s ages ‘til Halloween – plenty of time to convince her.”  
  
“See?” James said smugly. “You’re obsessed. Obsessed with a girl who won’t give you even a second of her time.”  
  
“No, I’m not!” Sirius frowned. “Or, to be honest, yes, I am. But she’s hot as hell,” Sirius defended himself. “Besides, pot - kettle. You’re just as obsessed with Lily.”  
  
“But I want more from Lily than a quick shag,” James pointed out. “You, on the other hand, just want Mandy to like you, so you can snog her, sleep with her, and dump her.”  
  
“That’s not it at all!” Sirius defended himself hotly. “I can be committed if I want to!”  
  
“Committed to your need for some quick action in a broom closet, maybe,” James sniggered. “But not to a relationship!”

“I’ve been in several long-term relationships!” Sirius said, glaring.  
  
“Oh yeah?” James challenged. “Mention one. Only one.” Sirius was silent. “That’s what I thought,” James said smugly. “Now shut up – Malcovitz’s watching.”  
  
Sirius frowned to himself. He wasn’t like that! He was not one of those guys who took advantage, and only used girls for one thing, and one thing only, just to dump them like trash when he was done.  
  
Or was he?  
  
A strange feeling started to surge up from his stomach slowly, only to stop like a huge lump of bile in his throat, when he started to realise, that yes, he actually was. And he didn’t like that realisation.  
  
At all.

* * *

“Sirius,” Peter huffed, half-running to catch up his friend, leaving the statue of the humpbacked witch, and the secret passage which lead to Hogsmeade, behind. “Can you carry some of this? The bottles are heavy!”  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. “Use a spell,” he said dismissively. “You are a wizard, aren’t you, Wormtail?”  
  
“Can’t you do it for me?” Peter whined. “I have my arms full, I can’t reach my wand! Besides, I’m not very good at charms…” he added timidly.  
“You’re not very good at spells, period,” Sirius corrected, stopping to peek around a corner. “Check the map, will you? I thought I heard footsteps…”  
  
“It’s in my pocket,” Peter sing-songed, pushing a way the sting of hurt he had felt at Sirius’ comment. “Which I can’t reach, because _someone_ is having me carry all the Firewhisky by myself! And that was a hint, in case you didn’t catch it.” His eyes widened as he felt the boxes with alcohol start to slip from his grip.  
  
“Help!” He squeaked, fumbling desperately with his hands, trying to get a better grip. The Invisibility Cloak slipped off the containers, falling onto the floor. Sirius rolled his eyes and picked it up, watching Peter in interest:  
  
Peter stumbled slightly, sweat glistening on his forehead, and the boxes wobbled back and forth in his arms dangerously. With a movement that was decidedly acrobatic, the chubby boy finally regained control over his burden and he let out a sigh of relief.  
  
“Finally,” Sirius said, covering the whisky once again with the Invisibility Cloak. He clapped Peter on the back. “Let’s get going – I’m thirsty.” And he was – though that wasn’t the reason he had ventured into Hogsmeade with Peter.  
  
Nope, the true reason was that he felt a large and sudden need to get wasted, in order to get rid of the feelings and sudden thoughts that had stuck like glue in his mind ever since his conversation with James during the DADA lesson. Not to mention the feeling of rule-breaking and getting away with said rule-breaking was almost just as good.  
  
Smirking, he rounded the corner, only to freeze, his smirk dying, as he found himself face to face with Professor McGonagall. Behind him, Peter looked close to fainting, his face filled with terror, as if the Deputy Headmistress was the incarnation of all things evil.  
  
“Professor McG!” Sirius got out, his voice rather high. “What a pleasant surprise!” He plastered on a smile. “What are you up to, wandering the corridors at this late hour?”  
  
McGonagall crossed her arms, giving Sirius a look that could kill. “I could ask you the same question,” she said, her voice frosty.  
  
“Well, you see, it’s a rather funny story, actually,” Sirius said, smiling in what he hoped was a charming way, while twiddling his thumbs. “Why don’t you tell her, Pete?” He took a few steps backwards, grabbed the other boy and pushed him towards Professor McGonagall.

He shouldn’t have done that.  
  
In shocked surprise, Peter lost his balance – and also his grip on the containers. The boxes fell to the floor with a loud crash as they broke, the bottles rolling out.  
  
McGonagall’s jaw dropped as she stared from the alcohol, to Peter, and back again. “Well, I never – ” Was the only thing she got out, her face becoming redder and redder, and her eyes shooting lightning at a shaking Peter.  
  
Sirius, grateful for the fact that his Head of House seemed to be completely focused on Wormtail at the moment, fished up the Invisibility Cloak that had once again slipped off, and smoothly stuffed it inside his robes, hiding it from view, McGonagall completely unaware it had even existed. He then put on his best angelic face, right on time, as their Head of House turned her rage to Sirius.

“Mr Black,” she said, “and Mr Pettigrew. I am terribly disappointed in you both! Smuggling alcohol into the school! Breaking curfew! Sneaking into Hogsmeade without permission! Making a ruckus in the corridors!”

“It’s not like we haven’t done worse,” Sirius said, blinking innocently.  
  
“Oh, please, do tell,” McGonagall continued dryly. “Detention, both of you, with Filch! I believe the castle is filled with toilets in need of a good scrubbing – you only did the dungeons last time, if I remember correctly, Mr Black,” she said, flicking her wand, the bottles floating upwards. “And I will be confiscating these,” she finished.  
  
Sirius snorted, not in the least looking forward to another meeting with smelly lavatories and urinals. “I bet you’re planning on drinking them yourself,” he muttered, seeing his plans to get wasted become but a memory with every flick of McGonagall’s wand which banished the bottles, one, by one.  
  
“And that is another detention for you, Mr Black,” McGonagall said, her lips thin. “Now, come on. I will walk you back to Gryffindor tower. I don’t trust you two to find your way back without a guide.” She spun on her heel, Sirius following, grumbling slightly, with Peter beside him, feeling thoroughly chastised, his head hanging.

* * *

 **14 October**  
  
James cocked his head to the side, staring at Lily, who was sitting in one of the comfortable armchairs in the Gryffindor common room with a book. Her face was the very picture of intense concentration, as she read. The Head Boy suddenly got a mischievous look in his eye, and he sneaked forward, grabbing the book and pulling it out of Lily’s grasp and out of reach.  
  
Lily looked up, surprised, and James smirked, pleased he had gotten her attention. Lily, however, was not. “James Harold Potter, if you don’t give me that book right this instant, I will hex you so bad you will wish you were never born!” she said, glaring at the hazel-eyed boy, who pouted childishly.  
  
“But Lily,” he whined. “I’m bored!”  
  
Lily rolled her eyes. “Why don’t you spend some time with Sirius instead of annoying those who are actually trying to do something constructive with our time?” she asked, taking her book back and placing it in her lap. “I think he’s been feeling rather neglected, lately,” she added, thoughtfully.  
  
“He’s in detention,” James murmured, sighing.  
  
Lily stared at him. _“Again?” she_ exclaimed, her book forgotten for the moment. “What did he do this time?”  
  
“He and Peter were caught out of bed on their way back from Hogsmeade last night.”  
  
“Hogsmeade?” Lily repeated out loud, incredulously. “They sneaked out to Hogsmeade? What were they doing there?”  
  
James winced, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “Getting some Firewhisky.”  
  
Lily rolled her eyes again. “Why do I even bother asking, when the answer is always so obvious?” she muttered to herself, before continuing: “Why weren’t they wearing your Invisibility Cloak?”

“Yeah…they used that to cover the alcohol with,” James explained, fidgeting slightly.  
  
Lily snorted. “Why not just use an Invisibility Charm?” she wondered, actually rather curious.  
  
James eyebrows hit his hairline. “Oh. They probably didn’t think of that…” He smirked suddenly. “Lily, dear, it almost sounds as if you’re sorry they got caught. And, you’re giving us pointers on how to get better at breaking rules. Are you going soft?” He was pleased to see this made her blush.  
  
“No,” Lily said, sniffing slightly, cheeks red. “I’m not. And I’m not encouraging you, either.” She glared. “And don’t call me _dear.”_  
  
“Well, what do you want me to call you then?” James waggled his eyebrows. _“Sweetums?”_  
  
Lily let out a strangled sound of disgust. “Oh, Merlin no!” She said, shuddering, her face taking on an interesting shade of green. She shuddered. “That sounds like something my sister would say.”

* * *

**16 October**

“Hey, Buffy?” Lily asked casually as she entered the girl’s dorm, only to falter slightly in surprise as she saw Mandy was there too. It wasn’t that unusual for a member of another House to join them in their common room, or dorms, but it was far from an everyday occurrence.  
  
Buffy and Mandy - who now sometimes studied sixth year Herbology together (Buffy pretending she was only behind in it due to her being home schooled) after the slightly younger girl found Buffy struggling with it in the library - looked up from their books.

“How do you know you’re in love?” Lily wondered out loud, regaining her composure. “How did you know you loved Angel for example?” Inwardly, she was reshaping her questions to Buffy so it wouldn’t be obvious to Mandy that she was talking about Buffy’s love to an ancient vampire.  
  
Buffy frowned. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh, no reason,” Lily said airily. “I’m just curious.”  
  
Buffy’s eyes twinkled. “Lily Evans, you’re not falling for James Potter, by any chance?”  
  
Lily flushed deeply. “No!” She protested. “Just humour me, please.”  
  
Buffy grinned. “Alright.”  
  
Lily inwardly sighed in relief. If Buffy thought Lily wanted to know because she was starting to fall for James Potter, then it would have to be so. Better that then tell her the truth – that she wanted to know on the behalf of her friend, a clueless Remus Lupin who was still in denial and not about to act on his feelings any time soon (and also completely unaware of her plan to get him and Buffy together). She also hoped the discussion would make Buffy realise she had more than friendly feelings for Remus in turn.

Anyway, it didn’t hurt any to have Buffy jump to conclusions. After all, her assumptions weren’t _true,_ and then it didn’t matter. Because there was no way in hell Lily Marie Evans would ever fall in love with a messy haired prat. She determinedly pushed away the little voice in her head that was mockingly exclaiming that denial is not just a river in Egypt.  
  
“How do you know you’re in love?” Buffy repeated the question out loud. “Well, I suppose with Angel, it just sort of happened, you know? He was always helping me out of sticky spots, and there was just a mutual _attraction_ right away. He was older, and mysterious and exciting, and the whole deal with it being a forbidden love just made it so much more exhilarating.”  
  
Mandy frowned, leaning forward in curiosity. “What do you mean, forbidden love?”  
  
“Oh, you know, age difference and stuff,” Buffy said, hating to lie to the girl, but she couldn’t very well say it was because he was a vampire. “He was – eh – part of a gang. Anyway, I felt this…thrill, I guess, in the pit of my stomach, like butterflies, and my pulse quickened whenever he was near…” Buffy sighed, her eyes far away. “It was just…like a magnetic temptation that lead to something more.”  
  
Lily bit her lip, frowning. “But…was it just attraction?” she asked hesitantly. “Was there nothing about his personality that drove you to him? Or was it all…lust?”  
  
Buffy blinked. “Uhh…what do you mean?” she asked, not liking the way their conversation was going.  
  
“ _Why_ were you attracted to him?” Lily asked. “And when you were together, what did you talk about? Did he make you laugh or feel like you were the one?”  
  
Buffy frowned. It felt sort of like Lily was dissecting her and Angel’s relationship… “He did make me feel special,” she said. “Powerful. _Alive._ But there wasn’t much laughter, I suppose,” she admitted softly. “More tears, actually. But there was emotion. Lots of it.”  
  
Lily nodded thoughtfully. “So what _did_ you talk about?” she asked again.  
  
“Actually, we were more about the kissing than actual talking,” Buffy said wryly, chuckling a bit, a feeling of ice in her stomach. Somehow, this conversation was making _her_ dissect her relationship with Angel as well. What _had_ it really been built on? “But when we did, we mostly talked about demons.”  
  
“Demons?” Mandy asked, startled, and Buffy jumped, having forgotten she was there. She winced. “Yeah. I mean, personal demons,” she hurriedly lied. “Issues, and thoughts we had on our minds…and our…jobs.”  
  
“If I may say so, it doesn’t like you had a very healthy relationship,” the Ravenclaw said quietly. “Or like you had very much in common, except for your work and the physical aspect of it.” She blushed embarrassedly. “It’s just…that’s not the kind of relationship I would want.” Her blush deepened. “I-I’m sorry, it’s none of my business,” she then hurriedly added.  
  
“No, no it’s alright,” Buffy assured her. “But you’re wrong. It wasn’t like that. I had just…I…sort of made up this fairy-tale scenario in my head about our future…” she trailed off.  
  
 _“Angel, when I look into the future, all I see is you!”_  
  
‘I was so naive,’ she thought, inwardly gaping slightly, only just now realising it.

 _“Dates are things normal girls have. Girls who have time to think about nail polish and facials. You know what I think about? Ambush tactics. Beheading. Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of.”_  
  
‘All the things I wanted…it could never be.’  
  
“This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.”  
  
‘Our relationship…it was all about pain. Passion and pain.’

 _“No. When you kiss me I wanna die.”_  
  
“It was suffocating me,” Buffy whispered to herself, burying her face in her hands. ”Our relationship…it was slowly killing me…” Maybe she had always known that was the case, but perhaps she had been too afraid of the truth to admit it. She closed her eyes, tears slowly streaming down her cheeks, but they were tears of relief. It felt as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders.  
  
Lily gave Mandy a look and then nodded towards the door. Mandy shook her head, gesturing towards Buffy, signalling she didn’t want to leave the girl alone with her grief. Lily bit her lower lip in thought, before nodding to the Ravenclaw in agreement. ‘You stay, I’ll go,’ the redhead mouthed, gesturing towards the door. The Head Girl left the room, leaving Buffy and Mandy alone.  
  
Mandy felt slightly awkward – she didn’t know Buffy all that well, after all: they studied together, sure, but she wasn’t as close to the blonde as Lily was, for example. Then again, maybe that’s what was needed in this case – someone not as involved.  
  
“Buffy?”

“Yeah?” Buffy sniffed.  
  
“Are you okay?”  
  
The Gryffindor smiled weakly. “Yeah...I – I think so. I will be.” She took a deep breath. “It’s just that so much of my life the last couple of years has revolved around Angel, and the realisation that I may have been fooling myself...that I’ve been stuck in a dream...it’s just difficult to come to terms with.”  
  
Mandy nodded slowly. “I can’t pretend I understand,” she said. “I’ve never felt those things, or been through that. But I can sympathise. And even though it was just a dream...” She trailed off, looking at Buffy meaningfully. “...It must have been a very nice dream.”  
  
Buffy smiled softly. “While it lasted.”

* * *

 **Published:** 16/08 -13

 **Edited:** 24/08 -13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Karen Gillan as Lily Evans.


	9. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

As Lily exited the girls’ dormitory and made her way down the staircase and into the common room, she wondered if she’d done the right thing. Sure, she had meant well, but, as the saying went, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. “Hi,” she said, settling down beside Remus who was reading a book in the corner.  
  
“Hi. Isn’t Buffy with you?” The werewolf asked, looking towards the stairs, as though he was expecting Buffy to be there.  
  
“No...” Lily shook her head. “I might have upset her.”  
  
Remus frowned, eyes narrowing. “What did you do?” he asked the green-eyed girl suspiciously.  
  
“I just helped her take yet another step away from the past and into the future,” Lily said. She didn’t like the fact that she had had to make Buffy sad to make it happen, but maybe, in this situation, it was a necessary evil. “It was a rough wake-up call, that’s all.”  
  
Remus blinked. “Oh. Will she be okay?”  
  
“Yes,” Mandy said, coming down the stairs and sitting down on Remus’ other side. “She just needed some time alone.”  
  
“Well, in that case…” Remus trailed off, putting away his book, stretching his limbs and yawning. “Anyone up for a game of chess?”

“No,” James, Sirius and Peter said as one, slouching down around them, Sirius settling down beside Mandy, pleasantly surprised that the current woman of his dreams was here. Mandy, in response, immediately moved closer to Remus, away from Sirius, who quickly covered up a look of disappointment.  
  
Sirius had decided that his ‘man-whoring’ ways would have to stop. And, in order to do that, he had to engage in a real relationship. And his first relationship would be with someone he hadn’t been with in the past. That didn’t leave that many people over the age of sixteen, but Mandy was one of them, and he couldn’t imagine anyone better!  
  
This way, he could show her, and everyone, not to mention himself, that he could be, well, serious, and, at the same time, get a girl he was genuinely interested in – well, _thought_ he was genuinely interested in, at least. How could you really tell unless you tried it first, right? Anyway, it was the perfect arrangement as far as he was concerned. Now he just had to convince Mandy of it too.  
  
“What are you doing here?” Lily asked, biting back a groan. She was trying not to sound annoyed, but she was not in the mood to deal with James and company tonight… She gestured at Remus to begin setting up the chess board.  
  
“It’s a free country,” James said lazily, grinning. “And this is the Gryffindor common room – and we are Gryffindors. So, shortly speaking, we belong here, unlike some,” he continued, winking at Mandy to assure her he was only kidding and didn’t mind her presence.  
  
Lily rolled her eyes, moving a white pawn forward. “And I who hoped you’d be off making mischief or something. That would get you out of my hair.”  
  
“Why, Prongs,” Sirius gasped. “Did you hear what I just heard? Lily-kins is _encouraging_ us to play pranks!”

James nodded. “She has been doing that a lot lately,” he said. “I thought she might be coming down with something.” He felt her forehead, earning himself a slap. He grinned. “Yep. She’s definitely _hot._ ”  
  
Lily flushed, glaring. “Subtle, Potter, real subtle,” she said, biting her lip in concentration as she considered her next move. Remus was looking awfully smug…what was he up to?  
  
“Are we back to surname basis now?” James pouted.  
  
“As long as you keep acting like a bull during mating season, then yes,” Lily said, finally moving a Knight. She immediately regretted her move as Remus’ grinned, his Queen crushing one of Lily’s Towers with vigour.  
  
James blinked, a red flush spreading across his neck. He swiftly recovered though. “Why Evans, can’t you just admit that you like me as an animal in heat?” he said, winking. Lily let out a sound of disgust, though she couldn’t hide a twitch of her lips, which James quickly caught. “Because, you know,” he hurriedly continued, encouraged by the girl’s sign of amusement, “nothing is as electrifying as a horny _Head_ Boy.”  
  
There was a long silence, until Lily’s jaw finally dropped in disgust and she spluttered, unable to get out a single sound. James winced. _‘I guess that was coming on too strong,’_ he thought miserably.  
  
There was the sound of someone coming down the stairs, and everyone looked up, seeing Buffy come into view, and James sighed in relief. The impending disaster had been averted.

Remus frowned as he noticed Buffy’s eyes were suspiciously red, as though she’d been crying. The blonde Slayer was smiling though. “Hi,” she said, her voice slightly hoarse. “What are you guys doing?”  
  
“Remus is crushing Lily at chess,” Peter answered. “And James is making a fool out of himself, as usual.”  
  
Buffy grinned weakly, sitting down in the chair Remus quickly conjured up. “Sounds like fun,” she said. Lily, in the meantime, tried to force down the feeling of guilt that had crept up. It had not been her intention to make her cry…

“So, Remus is the current chess master, huh?” Buffy asked, staring at the board. ”How does the game work?”  
  
“You don’t know how to play chess?” Lily said in surprise, seeing an opportunity to get her friend’s mind off Angel…and a chance to bring her closer to Remus. “We can’t have that! Why don’t you take over my pieces,” she suggested, “and let Remus coach you through the rest of the game? I’m losing anyway. After six years of playing chess with Remus, and only three wins, I should have learned I’m fighting a losing battle. Even James and Sirius with their thick heads – ”  
  
“ – Oi!”  
  
“ – Have learned that playing against Remus is the same as setting one-self up for total humiliation,” Lily continued, ignoring the two Marauder’s yell of indignation. “But you’re safe – Remus is always nice to the beginners, until they’ve learned the rules and how to think for themselves. That’s when the beating begins.”  
  
Buffy grinned slightly, and Lily inwardly did a victory-dance for having put back a smile on her friend’s lips.

* * *

Buffy watched miserably as Remus’ Knight smashed her King to pieces, for what must have been the tenth time. Lily had been right – once Buffy had figured out how the game worked, Remus had wasted no time in destroying the small amount self-confidence she’d built up through the evening, by crushing her again and again.  
  
“How do you _do_ that?” she whined.  
  
Remus grinned. “Magic,” he quipped softly, eyes bright. He was glad the Slayer seemed much happier, despite her constantly being defeated. “Maybe we should call it a night?” He suggested, looking around at the emptied common room. “Mandy has passed out on the couch – I take that as a sign that it’s late? She should probably head back to her own common room.”  
  
Sirius yawned, checking his watch. “By Merlin it _is_ late!” He said, sounding surprised. He looked at James, Lily and Peter, whose faces were covered in soot from the many games of Exploding Snap they had played, while Remus and Buffy were immersed in their games of chess. “Who wants to wake her up?” he asked, nodding towards Mandy on the sofa and smirking. “I’d be more than happy to.”  
  
“Get your mind out of the gutter, Black,” Mandy said, her eyes still closed and the Marauders jumped. “I know what you’re thinking.” She opened her eyes. “And for your information, I was not sleeping. I was just resting.”  
  
“My mind was nowhere near the gutter!” Sirius protested as Mandy sat up.  
  
“Yeah, right,” the sixth-year snorted.  
  
“It wasn’t! I don’t always let my downstairs brain control me!”  
  
“Not bloody likely,” Mandy said, smirking.  
  
“I can be serious!” Sirius protested.  
  
“We know!” The others chorused, smirking.  
  
“And that wasn’t a pun!” Sirius exclaimed, surging to his feet, sounding angry.  
  
“We didn’t mean anything by it – I was just kidding earlier!” Mandy said, eyes wide. “But, really, can you blame me for doubting? We all know what you’re like…!”  
  
“Really? What am I like, huh, Walker? Please tell me! I’m just dying to find out!” Sirius voice cut through them like ice, but still, Mandy thought she could detect a slight hurt in there, too, and she suddenly felt guilty.  
  
“I – “

“Never mind,” Sirius spat. “It’s not like you actually care to know anyway! I’m just a manwhore to you – all of you – who shags anything female in sight!” He turned on his heels, and stormed out of the common room, ignoring the Fat Lady yelling it was after curfew.  
  
“I didn’t mean to hurt him!” Mandy said, wringing her hands. “But everyone knows what his reputation is like, and is always kidding about it – hell, he is too! I didn’t think he’d mind!”  
  
“Sirius is a lot deeper than you give him credit for,” James spoke up. “More sensitive too. Sure, he has a reputation. We know that, and he knows that. But he is more than that - more than what the rumour-mill says. And yes, we make fun of him, all the time, so it’s no wonder he’s gotten tired of it.  
  
“Maybe it was fun for awhile, but even if it’s meant as a joke, what people say…it sticks with you, and sooner or later, it’s not so fun anymore,” Remus continued quietly. “We all have to grow up sometime - even Sirius.”  
  
“I’m sorry!” Mandy exclaimed. “I honestly didn’t mean to make him feel bad!”  
  
“We know,” Lily soothed. “But don’t you think you should tell _him_ that?”

* * *

Sirius sighed, staring out over the dark lake morosely. The water was calm, and the air still; not a single breeze could be felt. The water was undisturbed – not a ripple could be seen on the blank surface. A twig snapped behind him, and Sirius looked up, glaring slightly as he saw who it was. He just wanted to be left alone!  
  
“A Sickle for your thoughts,” the interruption, in the form of Mandy Walker, said, sitting down beside him.  
  
Sirius snorted humourlessly. “I don’t think it’s even worth a Sickle. I mean, according to you, all I think about it sex.”  
  
Mandy winced. “I didn’t mean that. I was joking, and I never meant for you to get hurt. I honestly didn’t think you’d mind. I’m sorry.”  
  
Sirius sighed. “It’s fine, apology accepted. I suppose I can’t blame you. It’s my own fault, after all. It’s not like I gained my reputation on falsehoods.”  
  
“It doesn’t make what I said okay,” Mandy said, gently.  
  
“I know. But I forgive you. It’s just…hard you know?” Sirius muttered. “I guess I never figured my…reputation,” he grimaced, “would come back to bite me in the arse when I seriously – no pun intended – wanted to change and be more than that. Hell, I never figured I’d _want_ to change in the first place!”  
  
“So your days as a conqueror of females and closets everywhere are over then?” Mandy teased carefully.  
  
Sirius barked out a laugh. “Yes, I suppose they are.” He pulled off his boots and socks, dipping his feet into the lake.  
  
Mandy shuddered. “Isn’t that cold?”  
  
“Freezing, actually,” Sirius said. “But I don’t mind.” He got a playful glint in is eyes and he dipped his arm into the water, splashing a handful at Mandy, who let out a shriek as the cold water hit her in the face.  
  
“Sirius! Are you insane?!”  
  
“I like to call it mentally unique,” Sirius quipped.  
  
“Crazy, you mean,” Mandy muttered, but she was grinning.  
  
Sirius grinned back. “If you insist.”  
  
They grew silent, the only sound coming from Sirius feet rummaging around in the water. “Mandy?” Sirius asked hesitantly.  
  
Mandy, who’d been busy looking at the stars, gave him a startled look. “Yeah?”  
  
Sirius took a deep breath. “I like you. I mean, I think I genuinely like you. I mean, we don't know each other that well yet, but I'd like it if we did. And, since I’m…trying to…change, or whatever you want to call it, do you want to…go out sometime? Like…on an actual date?” He winced, glancing at the dark haired girl awkwardly.  
  
Mandy stared. Was he asking her out? For real? If she hadn’t heard and seen it with her own ears and eyes, and actually been the recipient of his question, she never would have believed it. As it was, she fully expected him to yell out that he was ‘just kidding’ any second now, but it didn’t happen.  
  
Eyes softening, when she realised Sirius meant every word, she opened her mouth: “Sirius…that’s…really sweet of you,” she said, voice filled with regret. “But I can’t. Right now, I think I’d just like to be friends. I think I need to wrap my head around the fact that you’re more than what I’ve spent the last few years thinking you were. And I think you need to wrap your head around that too.”  
  
Sirius face fell. “Oh.”  
  
“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Mandy said. “I do. But…give it - give me – some time, alright?” She put a hand on his arm. “If you’re serious about this, ask me out again, later. After we’ve been friends for awhile. I want a real relationship, and, according to you, you do too. And like you said, we don't know each other yet, not really, and I don’t think – I’ve never thought – a relationship can be serious or real if you don’t know the person first. So,” Mandy said hesitantly, holding out her hand. “Friends?”  
  
Sirius stared at her hand and then at her hopeful face. Smiling slightly, he grabbed her hand, shaking it solemnly. “Friends.”

“So,” Mandy said, crossing her legs underneath her. “Now that we’re friends, I want to know all there is to know about you. Tell me something about Sirius Black. What’s your favourite subject?”  
  
Sirius pulled out his feet – which he honestly had no feeling left – from the water. “Free periods,” Sirius said promptly, and Mandy rolled her eyes, grinning.  
  
“That’s not a subject!”  
  
“Lunch?” Sirius said innocently.  
  
Mandy slapped him playfully. “Be serious!”  
  
“I’m always serious! Alright, alright,” he said hurriedly, raising his hands in front of him as a protective field when he Mandy raised a fist mock-threateningly.  
  
“I honestly don’t know,” Sirius said thoughtfully. “I’ve never really thought about it. Charms maybe? Or Transfiguration. DADA whenever we have a decent teacher. I like the practical aspect of school,” Sirius said. “Muggle Studies can be fun too – the teacher’s a blast! I’m not sure if she knows what she’s talking about half of the time, or even if what she’s saying about the different Muggle stuff she brings to her lessons are true. You can never really tell! What about you?”  
“Mmm…I have to say…Arithmancy, actually,” Mandy said, giggling as she saw Sirius’ incredulous look. “Don’t look at me like I’ve lost my mind! It’s really interesting, all the magic found in numbers and equations. I’ve always enjoyed Ancient Runes as well. I like puzzles.”  
  
“You’re such a geek,” Sirius teased. “But a pretty one.”  
  
Mandy smacked him playfully. “And you’re such a prat!” She retorted, to Sirius amusement. “Alright, next question…favourite colour?”

“Black of course,” Sirius said, with a wink. “Yours?”

“Blue. Who do you look up to the most?”  
  
“Mr Potter,” Sirius said. “I owe him and his entire family a lot. You?”

“My older sister. She’s a Muggle, and she lives in the States, but we write and visit each other as often as possible.” Mandy was smiling softly. “She’s great. Why and what do you owe Mr Potter?”  
  
Sirius looked uncomfortable. “Well…he took me in when I didn’t have anywhere else to go. He’s like a father to me, actually. More than my own, for sure.”

“What do you mean?” Mandy wondered, frowning. “What’s your family like?”  
  
Sirius chuckled humourlessly. “I’m surprised you haven’t heard. The Blacks are pretty famous - an old, pure-blooded family. _The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black,_ ” he finished with a mocking tone of voice, scornful of his family's self-importance.

 “Well, I’m Muggle-born – I don’t know much about the families living in the wizarding world,” Mandy said quietly. “I only know what I’ve read, and that’s mostly general stuff, about how ‘the system’ works…not about the families themselves.”  
  
“Oh. Well…you know who Voldemort is right?” Sirius asked.  
  
Mandy shuddered slightly, grimacing. “I think everyone knows who he is by now.”  
  
“My entire family is heavily into the Dark Arts, practically all of them are quiet Voldemort supporters,” Sirius explained. “I was the black – or rather white – sheep, who defied them all. I didn’t agree with their ideals, and they didn’t – don’t – understand why. They hoped it was just a phase I’d grow out of when I got to Hogwarts and was sorted into Slytherin – but then I was sorted into Gryffindor.” He grimaced.  
  
“They were not pleased about that, and every holiday, they did their best to ‘convert’ me, no matter what. I finally decided enough was enough, and when I was sixteen, I ran off to live with James and his folks. I’ve never regretted it. The only thing I do regret is that I haven’t been able to save my little brother, Regulus, from them.”  
  
Mandy frowned. “What do you mean?”  
  
“Reg has always been afraid of what our parents will think, terrified of being disowned. When I ran off to live with James, he adored me, but he was too frightened to come along," Sirius said. "When that autumn came around, he pretended I didn’t exist. He still does. And during a confrontation with the Slytherins, my brother – also a Slytherin, of course – was clearly on their side; he said straight out he despised me. He even tried to curse me, the little bugger.” Sirius sighed wearily. “That’s when I understood I’d lost him. After I left, he had no one to keep him grounded; there was no one there to show that he could stand up for himself. I suppose it was a piece of cake for my parents to brainwash him.”

Mandy let her right hand rest on his arm comfortingly. “Maybe there’s hope for him yet?” she suggested quietly, brown eyes filled with warmth and kindness.  
  
Sirius snorted. “I doubt it,” he said, shaking his head. “But I suppose it doesn’t hurt to wish it, eh?” He looked up at the castle wistfully.  
  
“No,” Mandy agreed, smiling. “It doesn’t.”  
  
“We should probably head back,” Sirius said, pulling on his socks and boots.  
  
“Yeah,” Mandy agreed. “Let’s hope we don’t run into any teachers. Or, Merlin forbid – “  
  
“ – Filch!” They both chorused, laughing.

* * *

 **17 October**  
  
Lily looked up to make sure the Arithmancy Teacher was busy in the other end of the classroom, and then leaned down towards Remus, poking him with her quill to catch his attention. “So?”

“So, what?” Remus stared at Lily in confusion. “What are you talking about?”  
  
Lily rolled her eyes. “So, how is the ‘tutoring’ with Buffy going?” she whispered, doing discreet quotation marks with her fingers.  
  
Remus flushed. “I have no idea what you mean,” he murmured, suddenly becoming very interested in his parchment with numbers.  
  
Lily just raised an eyebrow. “Don’t play stupid! You know I know you like her.”  
  
“It doesn’t matter,” Remus whispered stubbornly. “I’ve already told you nothing will come of it. I won’t let it.”  
  
Lily let out a noise of frustration. “You know, the whole ‘tortured hero’ thing is getting rather old. Buffy has already had to deal with one boyfriend like that – she doesn’t another.”

Remus glared. “Well, luckily, I’m not planning on becoming her boyfriend,” he hissed.

“Unluckily for you, I am going to make sure you will be,” Lily said sweetly. “It’s for your own good, you know. And hers.”

Remus frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Buffy needs to move on from Angel and allow herself to be happy,” Lily said firmly. “She has just realised he may not have been right for her, but that doesn’t mean the feelings she had were false. To really move on, I think she needs to experience what a real relationship can be like.”

“You want me to be her _rebound?”_ Remus sounded horrified.

“Of course not,” Lily scoffed. “I want you to be her _boyfriend._ I think she could be happy with you – and I think you could be happy with her. Whether or not a relationship between you two would last is, of course, far from certain, but I think it would. I’ve got a good feeling about it. Really, Remus, just give it a try. What are you so scared of?”

“Well, gee, Lily, I sure don’t know,” Remus said sarcastically. “Other than the fact that I could kill her, or worse, _bite_ her.”

Lily scoffed. “Oh, please. Buffy is the Slayer. I think she can handle whatever you dish out. And it’s not like you need to be around her on the full moon. With proper precautions, I don’t see why you couldn’t have a normal relationship.”

“Even if I removed the danger from the equation, I still wouldn’t be any good for her,” Remus hissed. “I have no prospects! No chance of a well-paying job – “

“ – Glad to hear you’re already thinking of your relationship as something long-term,” Lily said smugly, ignoring Remus’ glare. “Besides, Buffy is a modern woman. _Really_ modern, if you take into account from not only where but _when_ she was born. I don’t think she cares about money, nor do I think she expects you to support her – in fact, I think she would take offence at the very idea.”

Remus frowned, and then looked down. “I couldn’t give her a family,” he finally said.

Lily’s shoulders slumped. “I understand why you wouldn’t want to risk having a child, but that’s something you shouldn’t even have to consider for _years._ Besides, do you think _Buffy_ has ever even considered children? With the short life-span a Slayer usually has?”

Remus didn’t answer. “Come on, Remus,” Lily said, nudging him. “The fact that you’ve been considering a future with her clearly shows how much you want to be with her.”

“Fine,” Remus sighed. “I admit that I want to be with her, but that doesn’t mean Buffy wants to be with me. Case closed.”

“It’s _not_ closed,” Lily hissed. “I know Buffy likes you. Only she’s in about as much denial as you just were.” She sighed and leaned in a bit closer, throwing her red hair over her shoulder. “If you want my advice,” she whispered conspiratorially, “you should use the study sessions to do some digging.”  
  
Remus blinked. “Digging?” He sounded very confused and quite pathetic.  
  
The redhead rolled her eyes. “You know, get to know her better, if she’s ready to move on from Angel, what kind of things she falls for, stuff like that. It’s not that difficult!”  
  
“Easy for you to say,” Remus muttered. “You know how I get around girls.”  
  
“Yes, unfortunately,” Lily nodded, patting his hand sympathetically. “But you’ve managed to talk to her this far, haven’t you? And you’re not even the slightest bit awkward around me.”  
  
Remus looked even more depressed. “It’s different with you – I’m not in love with you. You’re just like any other friend. Except so much more important,” he quickly added. After all, he knew how hot-tempered Lily could be, and he didn’t want her to think he didn’t value her friendship, which was the way she was bound to interpret his comment.  
  
Lily however, hadn’t noticed his small slip-up, and was instead staring at him with a dropped jaw. “You’re _in love_ with her?” she hissed, and Remus’ eyes widened comically. “I just figured you really _liked_ her!”  
  
“There’s a difference?” Remus said, trying to sound like he had no idea what he’d just said, and failing miserably.  
  
Lily glared. “You know perfectly well what I mean, Remus John Lupin. I know you. If you say you love her, you love her. Or at least like her a _whole_ lot.” She sat up a bit straighter. “Alright. Since I know you’re a lost cause when it comes to girls, I will just have to help you along a bit. This is serious stuff you know.” She shook her head in disbelief. “You love her. That’s just…wow.”  
  
Remus groaned. “Lily, please – just stay out of it. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. If not, then no harm done. I know you mean well, but I don’t want a matchmaker.”

Lily’s shoulders slumped. “Alright. I just got really excited...” She gave Remus long, intense stare, her green eyes wide and lips quivering.

Remus winced. “Alright, alright. Fine. You can help. Just stop giving me that look. And don’t go overboard. Please.”

Lily grinned widely, throwing her arms around him. Remus sighed, patting her back. What had he just gotten himself into?

* * *

 **18 October**  
  
Sirius twirled his wand between his fingers, watching James, lying on the dormitory floor reading from a parchment, impatiently, waiting for him to finish so they could go over the scheme for the Marauders latest prank together.  
  
“Okay, so, if Peter does _that_ , and I do _that_ , everything should work out as planned, and _this_ should happen, correct?” James finally said, having finished reading at last. He pointed at a spot on the parchment which contained the current planning for the Halloween prank.  
  
Sirius frowned, mulling over the notes in his head. “Are you sure?” he asked. “I’ve been giving this a lot of thought. Wouldn’t it be better if _I_ did that, and Remus did that, while you fix _this_?”  
  
James blinked stupidly, staring at the parchment in confusion. He groaned. “I am so out of shape!”  
  
“That’s what you get for spending so much time being a responsible and boring sod,” Sirius sing-songed. ”You run out of all of your good ideas.”  
  
James glared. “I have not. And it’s not like yours are much better,” he muttered, sighing. “We need our planner,” he said. “We need Remus. Where is he?”  
  
“Studying with Buffy. Again. And, for some reason, wearing new robes,” Sirius said, smirking. “Jeez, I wonder why.”  
  
“So he’s finally admitting to himself he likes her?” James wondered, while scratching something out on the parchment.  
  
“Actually, I think he acknowledged it long ago,” Sirius said. “But it’s only now he’s choosing to do something about it. Or rather, Lily’s forcing him.” His smirk widened, only to falter, as he saw James’ expression turn into that of a lovesick puppy.  
  
“She’s just brilliant, isn’t she?” he said dreamily.  
  
Sirius sighed, throwing down his quill, knowing they wouldn’t get any work done until James had finished his daily dose of Lily-dreaming.

* * *

The trees were covered in red, brown and orange leaves, and the sun was shining on a bright, cloudless sky. Yet, Remus couldn’t bring himself to relax. Ever since Lily had decided to become his own personal matchmaker, Remus had been walking around on needles around Buffy.

Now when his not-so-secret feelings for her were known by the redhead, he found it troublesome to be himself around the Slayer, let alone breathe properly. He felt as though someone was always watching him, grading his appearance, his personality, and actions around Buffy. And knowing Lily, he wouldn’t put it past her if she did.  
  
“Why are we outside?” Buffy asked Remus curiously, waking him up from his thoughts. “And are you wearing new clothes?”  
  
Remus flushed, inwardly cursing Lily’s inability to stay out of his love-life (or rather lack there-of), and cleared his throat awkwardly. “Yes. Anyway, we are outside because I thought we should do some charms.”  
  
“And we can’t do that in the library?” Buffy asked, confused.  
  
“I doubt Madame Pince would appreciate it if we made her precious books wet,” Remus said smiling at Buffy’s uncomprehending look.  
  
“Wet?” she repeated.  
  
“Yes. Like this.” He lifted his wand, mumbling “ _Aguamenti,_ ” and a jet of water sprayed out of the tip of his wand, landing on Buffy, who let out a loud shriek.

“Remus!”  
  
Remus grinned, relaxing slightly. “Maybe we can have a water-war later. Once you’ve mastered the Charm, that is.”  
  
Buffy glared, and lifted her own wand, taking that statement as a challenge. “ _Aguamenti!_ ” She said loud and clear, and a hard spray hit Remus straight in the face, making him splutter.  
  
Buffy smirked. “I’m a quick learner when I have to be,” she said smugly.  
  
Remus’ eyes narrowed. “That was beginner’s luck,” he insisted, and then lifted his wand again, and Buffy ducked, but to no avail, as the water came out of the ground this time, from beneath her, drenching her completely.  
  
“That’s cheating!” Buffy yelled, and soon, they both shot large jets of water at each other, laughing and screaming, both having forgotten all about the lesson.  
  
“Well,” Remus finally puffed out, holding up his hands in surrender, completely spent and drenched from head to toe. “I’d say you mastered that charm easily. It was sixth year-level, just so you know.”  
  
Buffy blinked away some droplets of water from her eyes. “Yeah?” She sounded pleased.  
  
“Yes. Anyway, I have one more spell to teach you that I think will be quite useful for you to know.” Buffy watched in amazement as several arrows shot out of his wand.

Buffy threw herself in Remus’ arms and hugged him in delight. “You have no idea how much that spell will come in handy!” Remus flushed at the feeling of her wet body pressed closely to his, hoping she didn’t take notice of his very…prominent reaction to her, extremely glad he was wearing robes.  
  
"So much better than a crossbow!" Buffy said, jumping up and down, arms still around his neck, not realising what she was doing to Remus, whose flush deepened. “And way more effective! No need for reloads! Thank you!”  
  
Remus returned the hug awkwardly, very self-consciously aware of how quickly his heart was beating and how his body responded to her movements. “Don’t mention it,” he muttered. “And try not to do the spell in public. It was kind of outlawed in 1894,” he murmured.  
  
Buffy let go of him, to Remus mixed relief and disappointment, and stared. Then, she burst out laughing. “You are just too much,” she grinned. “Remus Lupin, who would have thought you had a little rebel somewhere in you?”  
  
“Yes, well, I _am_ a Marauder,” Remus said, grinning back, his pulse slowly but surely settling down to its normal rate.

"What does that mean, anyway?" Buffy asked, settling down on the grass, casting a quick drying charm on herself, something she'd mastered only a couple of days ago. "I mean, obviously I know what the word means and that you guys call yourselves that because you're pranksters at heart, but how did you come up with it?"

"Ah, that's actually thanks to Professor McGonagall, believe it or not," Remus said with an impish grin as he sat down beside her, smiling at Buffy when she cast another drying charm on him before he could do it himself, taking the opportunity to become even more proficient in the spell.

"Really?" Buffy asked incredulously, having a really hard time to believe that the strict, rather uptight Transfigurations professor and Head of House could have somehow given the Marauders their name, but Remus only nodded.

"Believe it or not," he said earnestly. "It was as early as our first year, actually, during Halloween. Sirius, James, Peter and I, we'd just started to become a _we_ at that point - we were still getting to know each other better and were just really starting to get into the whole pranking mindset. Sure, we'd done a couple of pranks already, just minor stuff, like dungbombs in the seventh year boys' dorm and pouring salt in Lily's cereal when she wasn't looking - needless to say, that was all James," he added when he heard Buffy's snigger. "He was already head over heels. And Sirius and James had done a few pranks on their own as well, before they dragged poor innocent Peter and me into it."

"Somehow, I doubt you were kicking and screaming in protest," Buffy said dryly.

Remus smirked. "Well, not really. I mean, Peter was sort of nervous he'd get caught but he was pretty much willing to do anything to impress them. He thought James and Sirius were pretty much the coolest wizard to ever walk in a pair of boots, and were more than willing to let them know. Needless to say, Peter has contributed _a lot_ to Prongs' and Padfoot's egos over the years."

"And what about you?" Buffy asked with a raised eyebrow. "Don't think it hasn't escaped my notice you haven't said anything about your reaction."

Remus squirmed a little. "Well, it's...well, like Peter, I was terrified I'd get caught by a professor, only unlike Peter, I wasn't afraid of losing points or detention. I was afraid I'd get expelled."

"For playing _pranks?"_ Buffy asked, incredulously.

"I know it sounds ridiculous, and obviously, my eleven-year old self was severely overreacting, but none of my friends knew I was a werewolf yet," Remus explained. "And Dumbledore had had to get special permission and jump through so many hoops to allow me to attend. I was so scared of doing anything that might get me in trouble, of doing anything that would give anyone the slightest bit of excuse to kick the dark creature out of school. I was terrified that the Headmaster would think he'd made a horrible mistake, letting me attend, of letting down his trust, or disappointing my parents who were overjoyed when I got my letter. They didn't think I'd ever get to go to an actual school and definitely not one as prestigious as Hogwarts."

"Then why did you go along with James and Sirius?"

"Well, before I came to Hogwarts, I was terribly lonely," Remus shrugged, not meeting Buffy's eyes. "I'm an only child, and I'd never spent any time at all around kids my own age, or that many people at all except for my parents, really. While I was reluctant to make friends because I was afraid they'd find out about my furry little problem, I was just as terrified that if I turned them down, they'd get offended and while I didn't want to be close to my dormmates for fear of them figuring out my secret, I really didn't want to alienate them either."

"Stuck between a rock and hard place," Buffy muttered with a slight frown. "What was your plan, before you came to Hogwarts? I mean, were you determined to remain friendless?"

Remus sighed, looking up at the sky. "Honestly? Before I met James and the others, I never even considered having friends. Actually, that's not true," Remus backtracked. "I _dreamed_ of having them, but I never thought anyone would ever _want_ to be friends with _me_. And I didn't want anyone to get so close that they might figure out what I was. Obviously, if anyone talked to me, I was going to be polite, but not anything more than that. I knew if it got out that I was a werewolf, my time at Hogwarts would be over, and that would have crushed me. Coming to Hogwarts to learn was really all I wanted. I was determined to do my very best in all my classes and be on my best behaviour for the staff. I was also determined to keep my head down, so I wouldn't draw any attention to myself or my monthly absences. Being friends with anyone wasn't something that crossed my mind at all. I was hoping to just be one in the crowd, really."

Buffy's heart broke a little more for every word that came out of Remus' mouth and she felt even worse for not showing a deeper understanding of how much the lycanthropy affected his life.

She forced herself to smile, even though, in her inner mind's eye, she saw the terribly lonely, lost and insecure, little boy that Remus must have been as a child and she cried for him. At the same time, she saw the hope he must have felt when he got his Hogwarts letter, the determination to succeed despite his condition, the same determination that kept him standing even in the face of the prejudice innate to the wizarding world and kept him from turning into a bitter, angry person. At that moment, Buffy saw his inner strength and she was in awe of it. "I'm guessing James and Sirius had other plans," she said, keeping her tone light.

Remus smiled in remembrance of James and Sirius tenacity. "Yes. I tried to protest when they started to drag me into their scheme - Peter had already given in - but when they wanted to know why I didn't want to join them, I couldn't think of an answer, because honestly, I wanted nothing more than to be accepted. Something must have shown in my face, because neither of them accepted my protests. Before I knew it, James dragged me down from my bed and straight into the planning of their latest scheme - which was to turn the Slytherins hair red and gold - quite mild, compared to the rest of our pranks, really. And that was that."

"James and Sirius are really difficult to say no to," Buffy said, her lips twitching.

Remus chuckled. "That they are. Even Lily is finally softening. Now, since you wanted to know why we call ourselves the Marauders, I must tell the tale of the 'great pudding fiasco of Halloween 1971'."

Buffy snorted. " _The great pudding fiasco?_ Really?"

"Well, that's what we called it afterwards." Remus lips' twitched. "In the planning stages it was called 'the bestest and greatest Halloween prank ever done.' It was our first one played on the staff and our first large scale prank, and the only one we would have time for that term - we spent the remainder of it in detention, see."

"So I'm guessing the prank didn't turn out the way you wanted?" Buffy teased.

"Ah, yes and no. If it had been a total failure we would have simply called it 'the pudding fiasco of Halloween 1971,' not 'the _great_ pudding fiasco.' The distinction is quite important." Remus said with a slight grin. Buffy rolled her eyes. "Anyway, the plan was to make all the puddings on the staff table explode in unison and rain deliciousness down on all of us."

"And it failed?"

"Oh, no, it worked perfectly. Just…well, we had charmed the puddings to explode at a set time since we thought it would make it less likely to get caught if we enchanted them beforehand rather than have us manually set them off during the feast - our wands pointing at the staff table would be rather obvious."

"That makes sense." Buffy nodded.

"Alas, the best laid plans can't account for the human factor."

"What happened?" Buffy asked.

"We timed the puddings to explode soon after the desserts were served - we didn't want to give too many of the staff the chance to actually put any pudding on their plates: sure, it would have given a more widespread effect, but also a smaller one - the most we could have hoped for were small splatters on the professors' robes - we wanted a larger impact," Remus continued to explain. "So we were sitting there by the Gryffindor table, the dessert dishes were beginning to pop up and obviously we were highly expectant - I was also quaking in my boots but that's irrelevant - and waiting. We glanced at our watches…with only a few seconds to go, a minor fight broke out by the other end of the Gryffindor table…and McGonagall stood up to deal with it. BAM!"

Buffy jumped in surprise as Remus slammed his hands together. "The puddings exploded. Unfortunately, right then, Professor McGonagall was bracing against the staff table to push away her chair to stand - and she had a full bowl of pudding right in front of her."

Buffy gasped, pressing a hand against her mouth to keep her laughter at bay. "Oh no."

"Oh yes," Remus said with a wide grin. "She got all of it in her face, the front of her robes, her hair…we didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Well, I wanted to die, but at the same time, I couldn't keep from laughing either. No one could. The only one who _didn’t_ laugh was Professor McGonagall. Now, this is when we messed up. Professor McGonagall was starting to wipe the mess off, and was obviously demanding to know who was responsible. And just as obviously, we weren't about to tell her. However, caught up in the excitement of it all, we were all exchanging high fives just as she put her now clean spectacles back on, and saw it."

Buffy winced in sympathy. "I'm taking she took that as an admission of guilt."

"Yep." Remus inclined his head in agreement. "We hadn't yet mastered the necessity of poker faces. Or poker body language. Anyway, she began to rant and rave at us all, and in the middle of her tirade - her Scottish brogue really thick - she called us, a bunch of hooligans, a bunch of _'good-for-nothing marauders_ '. And then she gave us detention for the rest of the year, and since I'd been convinced I'd be expelled the moment she caught us, I was actually relieved. James and Sirius didn't care - they hadn't listened to a word she'd said after she called us _marauders_. I swear, they have this weird way of communicating by just looking at each other, and right then and there, in the middle of Professor McGonagall's lecture, they were just staring at each other with identical expressions of glee, both of them thinking the exact same thing. If dear old McGonagall had known how much James and Sirius would take that particular sentence to heart, I do believe she would have changed her wording." He smirked.

Buffy grinned widely. "Maybe, or maybe not. From what little I've seen, I think she has a soft spot for you all."

Remus smirked. "Well, we are a loveable bunch."

* * *

“What are you reading?”  
  
Mandy jumped in surprise, almost dropping her book. “Sirius!” She exclaimed. “You scared me. How did you get in here? This is Ravenclaw’s common room!”  
  
“Sorry.” He didn’t sound sorry at all. “And as for your question…it’s not like it’s that difficult,” he drawled, sounding slightly arrogant. “As long as you know how to find the common room and know the answer to the riddle asked when you knock, it’s a piece of cake. Since you always hang out in our common room, I figured it was time to do the same. So…what are you reading?”  
  
“A Potions book,” Mandy said, changing the page.  
  
“Oh. Homework?”

“No, it’s actually for pleasure, believe it or not.”  
  
“Pleasure? You’re reading about Potions for your own entertainments sake?” he asked incredulously, wrinkling his nose. “You’re insane.”  
  
“Well, Potions can be really interesting! And it’s actually really fascinating!” Mandy protested.  
  
“Yeah, right!” Sirius snorted, grabbing the book. “Let me see that!”  
  
He started flickering through the pages, shaking his head all the while. “I can’t understand how you can read this…it’s like a foreign language or something filled with all these words no one has ever heard of, let alone understand.” He quickly gave her the book back, shuddering, as though he’d been holding the plague itself. “What happened to good old fashioned English?”  
  
Mandy laughed. “It _is_ English, Sirius! And I can understand it just fine. It’s not that complicated at all, actually. And the strange words you were talking about are just scientific Potions terms and such. Almost all of them are explained in our potions text.”  
“I haven’t read it,” Sirius said flippantly.  
  
Mandy snorted. “And how do you ever manage to do your essays for Slughorn if you haven’t read it?”  
  
Sirius shrugged. “I just copy what it says on the essay subject. It’s not like I pay attention to what that is.”  
  
Mandy shook her, not sure if she should be amused or horrified at Sirius attitude, not to mention impressed that he still managed to pass with a, from what she’d heard, a high grade. “I should have known.”  
  
Sirius grinned. “Anyway, _Madame Walker,_ ” he said in a fake French accent. “The reason I am bothering you in your…world of Potions literature; I was wondering if you are busy next Saturday?”  
  
“Yes,” Mandy said, turning a page in her book, pretending to be deeply engrossed in it.  
  
Sirius looked surprised. “You are?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“I’m sure whatever it is you’re doing isn’t so important that you can’t skip it for my sake?” Sirius said, fluttering his eyelashes.  
  
Putting away her book, Mandy turned to him with a raised eyebrow. “Alright,” she said. “What is it, then?”  
  
Sirius actually looked surprised. “You mean you don’t know? It’s the Hogsmeade weekend!”  
  
“Oh,” Mandy said, looking awkward. “So…this is you asking me out?”  
  
“Yeah,” Sirius said, grinning, glad she’d caught on. “So what do you say?”  
  
Mandy squirmed. “Well…I thought we agreed to be friends?”  
  
“And we are!” Sirius assured her.  
  
“So…if I agree to go to Hogsmeade with you, it would not be as a date, but as friends?” Mandy asked.  
  
“Absolutely,” Sirius said. “Unless you want it to be a date, of course.” He flashed her a grin. “Ignore that last comment,” he quickly added as he saw Mandy’s look. “Of course it’s as friends!”  
  
“I don’t know…” Mandy hesitated.  
  
“Please?” Sirius begged, giving her the puppy-eyed look.  
  
Mandy looked torn. “I need to think about it first,” she said, standing up, grabbing her book. “Ask me again next week.”  
  
“That’s not a no, right?” Sirius said brightly.  
  
Mandy started to walk towards the stairs leading to the girls’ dormitories. “It’s not a yes either, Sirius,” she said.  
“But it’s a maybe?” Sirius said hopefully, standing up and hurrying after her. ”It is a maybe, right? So I have a fifty-fifty chance? Mandy?”  
  
Mandy had already reached the top of the stairs, and Sirius scrambled up the steps after her. And his eyes widened comically, as he felt the stairs move beneath him. “Oh, bloody - !” He exclaimed, as a wailing klaxon went off and the stairs turned into a stone slide and he was promptly sent sailing to the bottom. Mandy gave him an amused look, as did the others in the blue and bronze coloured common room, who were whispering and pointing, while giggling.  
  
Groaning, Sirius stood up. “I hate that enchantment,” he muttered.  
  
Mandy grinned. “Goodnight, Black,” she said, disappearing into her dormitory.

* * *

 **Published:** 01/09 -13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Keira Knightley as Mandy Walker.


	10. Afraid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**20 October**  
  
Wincing slightly with every step she took, Buffy slowly made her way up the stairs to the girls’ dormitory. Opening the door, she tiptoed inside quietly and carefully closed the door behind her so Lily wouldn’t wake up.

“Where have you been?” A soft voice said, breaking the silence.  
  
Buffy jumped, staring at the redhead who was watching her from her bed. “Lily! I thought you’d be asleep by now!” She said, rather flushed and self-conscious, considering she didn’t look her best.  
  
“I got worried when you didn’t return from your patrol when you said you would,” Lily said quietly, glancing towards Michaela's bed to make sure the Chaser was asleep. Her green eyes widened as she took in the state her friend was in, and she let out a gasp. “Why do you have blood on your clothes? Are you hurt?”  
  
“Oh, this?” Buffy gestured towards her body dismissively, grinning awkwardly. “This is nothing. I just…had a little accident. It’s just a small scratch. Don’t worry about it. I’ll be right as rain in the morning – Slayer healing, you know. You should go back to sleep,” she prompted, pulling off her boots and climbing up onto her bed.  
  
Lily gave her a worried look. “If you say so…”  
  
It didn’t sound like she believed her, and Buffy inwardly winced. She knew her explanation was bad, but she didn’t want to worry Lily, who, if she knew the Head Girl correctly - would force her to go to the Hospital Wing.  
  
“Yes, I say so,” Buffy said instead, smiling and closing the draperies around her bed. “Goodnight.” As soon as she was safely hidden from view, Buffy sighed, grimacing slightly.

Patrol had, as she had complained about to Lily, been officially dead every time she’d been in the Forbidden Forest – except for tonight. She’d wandered deeper in than ever before, and had been rather surprised to suddenly find herself in the middle of a vampire nest. The undead beings had been rather easy to overcome – it was clear they didn’t see much action – but they had been many, and Buffy hadn’t had much action herself lately. And she now had several scrapes to show for it, not to mention a large gash stretching across her entire stomach.  
  
Buffy winced as she pulled off her sweater, hissing, and she grabbed her wand to perform a silencing charm, and a cleaning and sterilising charm. She frowned a little as she saw some of the blood refused to wash out, and she sighed. Maybe she didn’t have the charms down perfectly yet…but Lily _had_ only shown her in haste.  
  
Yawning, she fell down with a thump against the pillow, too tired to bother with her jeans. She closed her eyes, letting sleep take her.

* * *

 **21 October**  
  
“Remus, I’ve been thinking,” Buffy told Remus, leaning over the back support of the sofa on which Remus was sitting, reading.  
  
“Yes?” Remus looked up from his DADA book. “Oh, hey, did you practice those spells I showed you?”  
  
“Yes,” Buffy said, nodding. ”I caught up on them rather quickly; Sirius and Lily helped.”  
  
“Speaking of Sirius,” Remus said. “Do you know how things are between him and Mandy? I haven’t dared to ask him – it seems like a touchy subject.”  
  
“Well, they’ve become really close friends, believe it or not,” Buffy said. “Whatever they talked about that night by the lake, it helped. They seem really comfortable around each other now. And Mandy’s always looking for excuses to study in the Gryffindor common room, and I’ve seen Sirius look for her in the library more than once, which is a huge shock! Whatever issues they had, they’ve obviously been sorted out.”  
  
“Good.” Remus grinned. “How long do you think it will take before they start dating?”  
  
Buffy sniggered. “I don’t know. It’s impossible to tell. They both seem content with what they have.” Remus nodded. “Anyway, speaking of magic practice, I’ve been doing pretty well lately,” Buffy gave him a nervous smile. “But something I have been neglecting is…well...working out.”  
  
Remus blinked, trying not to flush as his mind suddenly summoned up a rather enthralling picture of a barely clothed and sweaty Buffy ’working out’. “Working out?” he repeated weakly.  
  
“Yes. Though I have been patrolling, I have been neglecting my Slayer duties a bit. I didn’t think it mattered, since I haven’t stumbled upon anything evil in the forest more than once – it ended badly then, but I got so busy I totally forgot.” Buffy took a deep breath. “But then last night, there were vampires there again and, well…” Looking around to make sure they were alone, Buffy lifted up her shirt discreetly, revealing a bandaged stomach.  
  
Remus eyes widened. “You got hurt?” he sounded worried.  
  
“Yes. I’m fine though – it will be gone soon enough. But I really need a place I can practice, because I do not want to end up on a vampire menu,” Buffy finished. “I can’t work out in the courtyard or the Great Hall for obvious reasons, but I thought that maybe you or the other guys knew of a place?”  
  
Remus looked thoughtful for a second and then he lit up. “I know exactly what you need,” he assured her, standing up, book forgotten.

* * *

Buffy stared in bemusement at Remus, who was pacing back and forth in front of a blank wall opposite a tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy on the seventh floor. “Tell me again what we’re doing here, exactly?” she asked.  
  
Remus shushed her. “Be quiet. I need to concentrate.”  
  
“Ooo-kay,” Buffy said, more confused – and amused – for every second that passed. Then, her eyes widened as a door suddenly appeared on the blank wall, once Remus finished his third round in front of it.

Remus opened the door, and Buffy’s jaw dropped. The room was filled with Muggle training equipment, weapons of all kind, and more stuff than Buffy thought she would need, and the Slayer felt like swooning. She was in Heaven! “How did you find this place?” she said, while admiring a large mediaeval crossbow.  
  
“It wasn’t that difficult,” Remus said, scratching his head embarrassedly. “The guys and I found it while running from Filch in our fourth year. It’s called the Room of Requirement, and can only be discovered by someone who is in great need of it. By walking past the portrait three times, and thinking hard of what you need, the room appears, equipped with your desires.”  
  
“That is so amazing,” Buffy said, still in awe. “So, if I wanted, say, a horse – not that I do want one – it would appear?”  
  
“Uh…I guess there is some kind of limit,” Remus said, shrugging. “I don’t think it would be able to give you living things. I’m not sure, though. But something it won’t give you is food – because it’s one of the five exceptions to Gamp’s Law on Elemental Transfiguration.”  
  
Buffy blinked, and gave Remus a blank look. Gymp’s Law on Elmy-what? “Never mind that,” Buffy finally said dismissively, deciding it was just one more thing she’d never learn – or cared to learn – about. “This is still awesome!” She grinned widely, and pulled off her shirt.  
  
Remus let out a squeak and quickly turned around, eyes shut tightly.  
  
“Re?” Buffy was laughing, bewildered. “What are you doing?”  
  
“You’re…uh…a girl,” he said nervously as if that explained it. “And I’m...not.”  
  
Buffy blushed deeply as she realised she had been about to undress in front of him. In front of Remus. Was her subconscious trying to tell her something? Perhaps something in the lines of that she wouldn’t _mind_ getting naked with Remus…alone…in a room that gave you whatever you needed…? “Sorry,” she said, brushing away that thought. She did _not_ like Remus. He was only a friend. She was still in love with Angel. Right? “I...forgot.”  
  
“That’s reassuring,” Remus mumbled to himself, still embarrassed, and not so sure he was very flattered that Buffy had ‘forgot’ he was a boy.  
  
“Sorry,” Buffy repeated, while kicking off her boots. “Can you return here in, say, a couple of hours? I just have to give this room a try!”  
  
“Sure,” Remus gulped, and started to make his way towards the door, eyes still closed. “I’ll…uh…see you later. Ow!”  
  
Buffy’s lips twitched as Remus missed the door and walked into the wall. “Yeah. Later.”

* * *

“It was _so_ embarrassing,” Remus moaned, having finished reiterating his conversation with Buffy to James and Sirius, who had been playing Gobstones in their dormitory.  
  
“I don’t know,” Sirius said, grinning widely. “I would have enjoyed the sight. Why’d you close your eyes?”

James smacked him on his head. “You’re so disgusting, Pads.” Sirius stuck out his tongue in answer. “It’s not so bad, Moony,” James said comfortingly.  
  
“Not so bad?” Remus looked up with an expression of despair massaging the bump on his forehead. “She ‘forgot’ I was a boy!”  
  
James winced. “Alright, maybe that part was pretty bad.”  
  
 _“Pretty bad?”_ Remus exclaimed. “James, she regards me as one of her girl-friends! It was _humiliating!_ I had to remind her that I am not of the female species! How can that be good in any way, shape or form? Please, enlighten me!”  
  
Sirius, still grinning, put an arm around Remus’ shoulder. “Really, Re, it could be worse. She could think of you as a _brother.”_  
  
As in one, all the three Marauders shuddered. “Yeah, that would be seriously off-putting,” James agreed. “And don’t you start,” he added as he saw Sirius open his mouth, most probably on his way to fire off one of his ‘Siriusly-serious’-jokes. Sirius pouted. “Still, Moony,” James continued, “look at it from the bright side."  
  
“What bright side?” Remus muttered.  
  
“Now, you have a perfectly good reason to prove to Buffy you are a boy,” James finished, ignoring Remus’ input. “It is time you stopped being friendly and chivalrous, and go about this the other way.”  
  
“The other way?” Remus sounded rather worried.  
  
“Yes,” Sirius said. “The way of charm, sexiness, and animal magnetism. Believe me, Moony, when you are done with Buffy, she will be _begging_ you to take her.”  
  
Remus let out a noise of disgust. “I’m not so certain I want to go _that_ far,” he said.  
  
“And that is not what I meant,” James said, glaring at Sirius. “Ignore Sirius. What I meant was that you have got to stop acting like…a girl.”  
  
It was Remus’ turn to glare. “You’re not helping. And I don’t understand why I come to you two for advice anyway. What with Sirius being the one who used to regard shagging every woman in Britain before he turns thirty his personal goal, and you pining after one girl for what seems like forever, mind you, unsuccessfully.”  
  
Sirius clutched his chest; eyes widened and lip theatrically quivering. “You wound me, Moony, you really do.” Remus rolled his eyes.

* * *

“Kiss her.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“Kiss her,” Lily repeated, smiling at Remus. “To prove that you are definitely not a girl, but a man, with needs and desires, kiss her.”  
  
“I can’t just walk up and kiss her!” Remus protested. “That would be…rude.” He was seriously starting to wonder if all his friends were out of their bloody minds. Did he not know of a single person in this castle he could count on getting some advice that actually sounded sensible?  
  
“Then I can’t help you,” Lily said calmly, returning to her _Daily Prophet._ “If you keep insisting all the obvious solutions are improper, you won't get anywhere.” She shrugged. “So unless you are willing to do anything drastic about your current dilemma, I suggest you begin to accept that Buffy sees you as nothing more than a…girl-friend.”  
  
Remus opened his mouth, and then closed it again. Shaking his head, he left Lily, leaving the redhead grinning behind her paper.

* * *

“Uh…b-buy her gifts?” Peter suggested, shrugging. “I wouldn’t know.” He was starting to question Remus’ sanity. Why would Remus come to _him_ for advice on girls? And on a girl he, Peter, was attracted to as well? Not that Remus knew _that_ little piece of information… And, maybe the fact that Buffy seemed oblivious to Remus’ feelings – or maybe even pretending they weren’t there so she wouldn’t have to deal with them - meant that maybe all hope wasn’t lost for him, Peter. He just might have a chance!  
  
Usually, Peter wouldn’t even dream about hitting on the same girl one of his friends liked, but he had a right to be happy too, didn’t he? He was so tired of being in the background all the time! It had to be his turn soon, right?  
  
“Too awkward,” Remus said. “Anything else?”

“Well…ask her out on a date?” Peter said, regarding his friend curiously. ”Isn’t that what you normally do when you like someone?”  
  
“I would never be able to work up enough courage,” Remus said. “I’d just stand there, stuttering and stammering; with sweaty hands and end up blurting out a question about homework and making myself look like an idiot.”  
  
“Oh.” Peter cocked his head to the side, all the while making up his own plans. If Remus never worked up enough of that Gryffindor bravery to do something about his crush, well, then Remus would only have himself to blame when Peter eventually decided to ask Buffy out for himself. He could only play the patient friend who is ‘not jealous in the least’ for so long, after all. “Then I don’t know. Sorry.”  
  
“That’s okay, Wormtail,” Remus said, sighing, before leaving Peter behind.

* * *

 _‘Dear mother,’_ Remus wrote. _‘I like this girl, but she only regards me as a friend. What do I do? Love, Remus.’_  
  
Staring at the short letter, Remus let out a groan of frustration, before crumpling the parchment into a ball and setting it on fire with a flick of his wand.

He grabbed a new parchment.

 _‘Dear dad,’_ he began. _‘I think I am in love with this girl I know, but unfortunately she seems to forget that I am a boy. Any advice? Your son, Remus.’_  
  
That parchment joined the first in the ashtray. In his mind’s eye, he could almost see his father rolling on the floor with laughter as he read his letter, before writing a response. And it would _not_ be very helpful.

He couldn’t believe that after all the reasons he had come up with that showed what a bad idea pursuing a relationship with Buffy would be, he was still crazy enough to try anyway, and even ask his _parents_ for advice on how to proceed.

Even if Lily hadn’t practically forced him to try and act on his feelings, he reckoned he probably would have anyway sooner or later – he liked her too much to stay away. And as much as he’d told himself that being her friend would be enough, he knew that wouldn’t be enough. At this point, his feelings for her went so much further than friendship – something that was made even more obvious by his body’s reaction in her presence.

* * *

Remus entered the Room of Requirement, not an ounce wiser than when he had left it, and all in all feeling rather miserable. He’d begged Poppy for advice as the matron healed his swollen bump, and the only response he got was hearty laughter and a pat on the head. As a last desperate resort, he’d even considered asking _McGonagall,_ actually having gone so as far as to stop outside her door, prepared to knock, before he’d finally come to his senses and run as fast as his legs could carry him away from there.

In the middle of the room, Buffy was moving slowly with a katana, motions deliberate in some sort of enthralling dance. She was barefoot, dressed in dark blue tights that ended at her knee. Her upper-body clad only in a black sports bra, her stomach only covered up by the bandage. Remus gulped, standing frozen in the doorway, barely capable of breathing at the sight.  
  
Buffy stopped, and turned towards Remus, still on a high from practice and completely unaware of the effect she had on the werewolf. “Hi,” she said, sounding rather breathless and wiping away some sweat from her face. “I forgot the time, sorry. This room is brilliant!” She said enthusiastically.  
  
“I’m just glad I could be of help,” Remus choked out.  
  
Buffy grinned. “Just give me a sec to get dressed and then we can get to dinner, okay?”  
  
“Okay,” Remus squeaked out.  
  
Buffy’s grin widened, and she grabbed a towel out of thin air, using it to wipe the sweat off from her throat. It was too much for Remus, who finally lost all sense of decorum and ‘proper’ behaviour and ran up to her…and kissed her.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity to him, Remus moved away, face flushed and lips slightly swollen. “Buffy, I-I like you,” he got out. “A lot. I tried not to. I really did. There are so many reasons why a relationship with you is a bad idea, my lycanthropy, for one thing. Because of it, I’ve never allowed myself to get close to anyone in a romantic way, or even consider a real relationship with anyone. I never thought it would be worth the risk. But with you, it’s different. With you, I want to try. I’m willing to try.”  
  
Buffy stared at him with wide eyes.

* * *

“She _ran away,”_ Remus repeated miserably, in the boy’s dormitory once again, recounting events for James and Sirius for the second time that day. “How is that a good thing?”  
  
“Well…” Sirius sounded amused. “Look at it from the bright side. She wasn’t crying.”  
  
“Am I that bad of a kisser?” Remus continued mournfully. “I didn’t think I was that bad!”  
  
“I’m sure you’re not a bad kisser, Remus,” James tried to assure him, feeling more awkward by the second.

“It must have been my speech then,” Remus said, shoulders slumping. “It was probably too cheesy. Or I came on to strongly. But then again, it’s probably more probable that she only sees me as a friend. Like anyone, let alone me, could ever measure up to her ex-boyfriend. Angel was the love of her life.”

“Was being the key-word there,” James said, trying to be comorting. “This is now.”  
  
“And I repeat, she ran away,” Remus said, sighing. “Well, at least I tried. And it might have been for the best – “

“ – Oh, please don’t give us another version of your ‘she’s better off without me’ speech. It grew old the first time around,” James moaned.

“That doesn’t make it any less true. Thanks for trying to cheer me up, Prongs, but it’s time I face the facts: I asked Buffy out. She turned me down. The End.”  
  
Sirius slapped Remus hard on the back. “Don’t you worry about a thing, Moony. Buffy might have turned you down, but it’s not the end of the world. Because I, Sirius Black, conqueror of female lips of all shapes and sizes, am here to save you!”  
  
He was promptly bombarded with pillows.

* * *

“What’s wrong?” Mandy asked, giving Buffy, who hadn’t moved an inch from her bed since Mandy entered the dormitory half an hour ago, thinking they could study together. Buffy had agreed, but, she hadn’t actually done any studying.  
  
“Nothing,” Buffy said, voice monotone, not even blinking.

Michaela looked up from the Quidditch magazine she was reading. "Good luck getting anything out of her," she said, amused. "She's been like this for an hour."  
  
Mandy threw Buffy an incredulous look. "An _hour?_ Whatever it is, it is definitly not nothing!”  
  
“I just did something really stupid,” Buffy muttered.  
  
“…Yes?” Mandy prompted after another long silence. Michaela put down her magazine, interested to know whether the blonde would finally say what was bothering her.  
  
Buffy sighed, turning to face the dark haired girl. “Remus kissed me.”  
  
Michaela let an eyebrow rise while Mandy squealed, then stopped as she realised Buffy wasn’t joining in. “And…is that a…bad thing?” she asked hesitantly.  
  
Buffy let out a noise of frustration, grabbing her pillow and burying her face in it, hoping to suffocate herself. “Yes! No! I don’t know!” She exclaimed, voice muffled.  
  
“Correct me if I’m wrong,” Michaela asked calmly, “but the impression I’ve gotten the entire time you’ve been here is that Remus likes you, and you like Remus.”  
  
Buffy sighed, removing her pillow from her face, admitting defeat, as she realised it took more than that to kill a Slayer. “Maybe. I don’t know what I feel.”  
  
Mandy’s eyes suddenly lit up in realisation. “You think you might still be in love with Angel.”

"Who's Angel?" Michaela asked with a frown.

"Buffy's ex-boyfriend," Mandy explained.

"Ah, I see," Michaela said, nodding.

Buffy’s sigh deepened. “I’m just so confused!” She exclaimed with a loud groan, falling back down on the bed.  
  
“Well…what was the first thing you did after Remus kissed you?” Mandy wondered.  
  
Buffy looked up with a confused look. “What has that got to do with anything?”

“Your first reaction when something like that happens is usually a good indicator of what you feel deep down,” Mandy explained sensibly. “If you froze, you’re probably not ready for a relationship. If you tried to fight against it, then you’re definitely not. If you returned the kiss…well, you understand where I’m going with this.”  
  
Buffy flushed deeply, biting her lip. She _had_ returned the kiss…which had been very nice by the way…in fact, _Remus_ had been the one to pull away…but he hadn’t been the one who ran away afterwards… Where did that leave her? “Well…I guess I did return the kiss…”  
  
“And did you pull away first, or he – ”  
  
“He did.”  
  
The Ravenclaw gave her a knowing look. “See?”

“But then I sort of fled the scene. And after he made a really sweet and nice speech too!”

Michaela winced in sympathy for Remus, guessing that would not have been good for the Gryffindor's self-esteem.

“Ah. I see your problem,” Mandy looked thoughtful. “But you didn’t pull away. You enjoyed the kiss. It was only afterwards you ran, after your mind came back to you and you started to question your feelings.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“What I’m trying to tell you, Buffy, is that you _do_ like Remus, but you are _afraid_ to like Remus, because you think you _should_ be in love with Angel. You feel like you’re betraying him, by maybe liking someone else. Am I right?” Before Buffy could answer, Mandy continued. “Of course, I may be wrong – after all, I don’t know anything about how your relationship with Angel came to an end…”  
  
“He died,” Buffy said shortly, and Mandy’s eyebrows hit her hairline while Michaela let out a sympathetic noise.  
  
“Ah. No wonder you’re feeling guilty and confused.”  
  
Buffy looked down. What Mandy said had made an awful lot of sense…but it was also disturbing. Angel was dead…but he was still haunting her, preventing her from moving on, because she was still clinging onto his memory. _‘Will I ever be able to let go?’_

* * *

 **23 October**  
“You have _got_ to stop moping,” Lily told Remus sternly, hands on her hips, looking every bit as angry as she was from where she was standing in the middle of the boy’s dormitory. Remus just grunted in answer, burying himself deeper into his pillow.  
  
Lily rolled her eyes, and then pulled the covers from him, ignoring his noise of protest. “Get up from this bed right now. It’s Sunday afternoon, and you’ve been lying here since Friday evening. This is becoming ridiculous.”  
  
Remus glared, yanking the covers back.  
  
Lily sighed, sitting down at the edge of his bed and patting his hand comfortingly. “I know how you must be feeling – ”  
  
“ – No, you don’t,” Remus snapped, pulling his hand away.  
  
Lily did her best not to scream of frustration. “I will not let you stay here a second longer,” she said. “The other boys might be alright with that and think ‘you’ll get over it,’ but I know you, Remus Lupin, and I know that if you had it your way, you would remain in this exact position until the end of days. I am not going to accept that! Now, get up, get yourself together and stop being so bloody _pathetic!_ ” The last words were yelled out, and Remus stared at her in shock.  
  
Lily opened his trunk with a flick of his wand, and with another flick made a shirt, a couple of pants, boxers and socks soar over to land in Remus’ lap. “Now, get dressed and _socialise._ I need to make sure a certain Slayer does the same.” And with that, she left, flinging her red hair over her shoulder.

* * *

“What are you doing?” Buffy hissed, glaring at Lily who was now in the girls’ dormitory, throwing clothes on top of her bed. The Head Girl’s irritation was rising due to both of her friends’ mutual stubbornness when it came to doing things for their own good.  
  
“Saving you from becoming a vegetable,” Lily said calmly, while inwardly screaming with frustration. “Is it working?”  
  
“No, you’re just annoying me,” Buffy said, while flinging away a skirt that came flying towards her face with a swipe of her arm.  
  
“Good,” Lily stated shortly. “That means I’m succeeding.”  
  
Buffy sighed and promptly pulled the covers over her head.  
  
Lily put her hands on her hips. “Buffy, I am ordering you to get up from this bed. You can’t stay here forever.”  
  
“Yes, I can,” Buffy said.  
  
“No, you can’t.”  
  
“I can and I will,” Buffy said, peeking up. “I will not show my face in public again.”  
  
“If ‘public’ means Remus, don’t worry,” Lily snorted. “He refuses to leave his dorm.”  
  
Buffy perked up. “He does?”  
  
“Yes,” Lily sighed. “You're both just as ridicilous. So you’re safe. You won’t run into him.”  
  
“Promise?” Buffy asked hesitantly.  
  
“Yes,” Lily said, crossing her fingers behind her back, deciding that a white lie had never hurt anyone. “You really hurt his feelings, you know.”  
  
“I didn’t mean to,” Buffy said miserably. “It’s just – ”  
  
“ – I know you didn’t mean to,” Lily interrupted her. “And I understand. But I understand Remus too, and I’ve known him longer. This – you and him, or the lack of it – has made his barely existing self-confidence evaporate into thin air. It will be ages, if ever, before he even dares to _look_ a girl’s way again.”  
  
Buffy looked down, feeling even worse about herself. “I am not blaming you,” Lily continued comfortingly. “But maybe you should explain your actions to Re – ”  
  
“ – NO!”  
Lily held up her hands in surrender. “Fine. No talking to Remus. I get it. It was just a suggestion.” She started to back out of the room. ”So, I can expect you downstairs soon, then?”  
  
Buffy sighed. “Yes, I suppose.”  
  
Lily grinned brightly. “Great!” She was whistling as she skipped down the staircase.

* * *

Buffy and Remus noticed each other coming down from their respective staircase at the same time, and their faces took on an identical expression of horror. As one, they whipped their heads the other way, before they slowly started the descent again.  
  
“You lied to me,” Buffy hissed in Lily’s ear as she reached the redhead who was calmly sitting by the fire. “You said he refused to leave his dorm.”  
  
Lily smirked. “Did I?” she wondered, green eyes wide, a lift of innocence in her voice. “I’m sorry; I must have been mistaken.”  
  
Buffy glared.

* * *

“This is _so_ humiliating,” Remus muttered, sinking down into his armchair as deeply as he could, hoping it would swallow him whole.  
  
“Oh, stop being so melodramatic,” James said airily, while moving another chess piece. “Check.”  
  
Sirius frowned deeply, while considering his next move. “I don’t know, Prongs,” he said. “It is pretty bad.” He sniggered. ”I don’t think I’ve ever managed to make a girl want to flee.”  
  
“Okay, that’s it,” Remus said, starting to stand up. “I’m leaving.”  
  
James grabbed him by the arm, pulling him back down. “No, you’re not,” he said. “You are going to sit here and be a man. And Sirius – have you forgotten about Mandy, and her ‘running away as soon as she saw you coming-phase?”  
  
“Like you said,” Sirius said, sniffing slightly. “It was a phase. She got over it.” Remus sighed. “Honestly, Moony, all kidding aside,” Sirius continued, while moving his King to safety, “Buffy didn’t make a run for it because she doesn’t like you. She’s confused.”  
  
Remus gave him a bewildered stare. “Confused? Over what?”  
  
“Well, according to Mandy, Buffy is dealing with a lot of guilt,” Sirius said patiently. “She feels like she’s betraying Angel by liking someone else. Despite the fact the bloke has kicked the bucket.”  
  
Remus blinked. “That…actually makes sense,” he said slowly.  
  
“Good,” James said, before checking Sirius once again. “Check. Because if we had to listen to you moaning over how bad of a kisser you must be one more night, it would probably have killed us.”  
  
Remus glared half-heartedly at a smirking James. “Haha.” Then, Remus noticed something on the chess board, and he lit up slightly. “Sirius,” he said. “Move that piece over there – that will save your King, _and_ put James in quite a bind at the same time.”  
  
It was James’ turn to glare, while Sirius’ face lit up with glee. “Thanks, Moony.” He sounded delighted.  
  
“Yes. _Thanks,_ Moony,” James repeated, teeth gritted, and it was obvious he meant everything but.  
  
“You’re welcome.” Remus gave James a smug look.

* * *

 **Published:** 01/09 -13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers.


	11. Hogsmeade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**24 October**  
  
“Seriously, Remus, she will come around,” Lily said Monday afternoon, not looking up from her book.  
  
Sighing, Remus moved his eyes away from Buffy who was sitting on the opposite side of the lake, talking with Mandy about a Herbology assignment. “You think?” He sounded doubtful. “I don’t want to lose her friendship over this. If that’s all I can get, I’ll gladly take it.”  
  
“I _know,”_ Lily said, raising her head to smile at him. “And don’t give up on a relationship with her just yet. Give Buffy some time to sort out her feelings first, alright? We all know she likes you – now, all that remains is for her to admit it.”  
  
“Yes, well,” Remus said morosely, “liking me must be something that is very difficult to accept. After all, she might have said she doesn’t mind my lycanthropy, and that might be true. It’s one thing to be friends with a werewolf, but who in their right mind would enter a relationship with one?”  
  
Lily rubbed her nose tiredly. “Remus,” she said. “How many times do we have to go over this? Your furry little problem, as James calls it, is not as a big of a hindrance as you make it out to be! Especially with Buffy! It’s only because you let it! To be honest, _Moony,_ I sometimes think you only use that as an excuse.”  
  
“That is not true!” Remus protested hotly.  
  
“Oh, yeah?” Lily asked, raising an eyebrow challengingly. “Then stop bringing it up. And stop avoiding her. Be around: let her know you’re not giving up. Otherwise, Buffy won’t see a reason to let her past stay in her past.”  
  
Remus sighed. “It’s not that easy.”  
  
“Yes, it is,” Lily said firmly. “You’re making things harder than they have to be. It’s time you stop with the ‘woe is me’ and go for what you want.” Lily exclaimed, moving over so she was hugging Remus from behind. “You, Remus John Lupin, are an amazing person, and a wonderful human being. Everyone else can see that, so why can’t you?”  
  
Remus’ lips were twitching now – he was feeling slightly happier. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m just one of those hopeless cases.”  
  
Releasing him, Lily smiled widely. “You’re not hopeless. Not yet anyway. Now, I suggest you go and ask Buffy to go with you to Hogsmeade this weekend, alright?” Remus frowned, biting his lip worriedly as he glanced towards the other side of the lake again. “I changed my mind; I am _ordering_ you to ask her to Hogsmeade,” Lily corrected herself, sensing her friend’s hesitation. “Because if you don’t, someone else will.”  
  
Remus head snapped up at that. “What do you mean, someone else will?” he asked.  
  
Lily was inwardly smirking. _‘Gotcha.’_ “Well, I am certain it hasn’t escaped your notice that Buffy is a…well, beautiful young woman.”  
  
“Of course it hasn’t!” Remus exclaimed, flushing slightly. “It’s rather difficult to miss!”  
  
“Then I think it is safe to assume that more people than you have noticed that as well,” Lily finished calmly. “So unless you want to suffer the next weekend because you have to watch Buffy going with someone else to Hogsmeade – someone far less worthy of her attention – I suggest you get a move on.”

* * *

Later that evening, Buffy, who had been sitting in the library, doing her best to study on her own, sighed. This wasn’t even the slightest bit of fun without Remus here to help her.  
  
“Hi, Buffy.”  
  
Buffy looked up blearily. “Oh, hi, Peter. What are you doing here?”  
  
“Looking for you, actually,” Peter said, fiddling with his thumbs nervously, gulping.  
  
“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Peter wiped off his sweaty hands on his robes, leaning over the table to try and get a look at the name of the book. “What are you reading?” Buffy held up the book, revealing it to be the DADA book Peter and the others had used in third year. “You’re on third year already? That’s really impressive,” Peter said as he sat down and forced himself to relax.  
  
“Yeah, I guess. Remus is a good teacher.” Buffy grimaced. “Although I’m still not sure if I will manage to pass all my subjects. I’ve skipped over a lot, and just skimmed over plenty of stuff.”

“Well, since Remus isn’t here,” Peter said hesitantly. “Maybe I can help? I’m not as good as Remus, obviously, not even close, but I have passed third year, so…” He shrugged awkwardly.  
  
Buffy looked surprised but pleased. “That would be really helpful, thank you, Peter,” she said, grateful and smiling.  
  
Peter smiled back. “No problem.”

* * *

“Thank you, Peter, you have been a great help,” Buffy said an hour later, lying through her teeth. Though Peter hadn’t slowed her down or anything, he hadn’t really been able to help either – he just didn’t explain as well as Remus, and there were some of the spells Peter didn’t even remember…  
  
“You’re welcome,” Peter said, standing up also, and smiling. “Just give me the word, and I’d be happy to help you again.”  
  
“Oh, that’s alright,” Buffy said hurriedly – but not _too_ hurriedly – she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He meant well, after all. “I wouldn’t want to take up your time. I mean, you have your own N.E.W.T.s to worry about. I’m sure I’ll manage.”  
  
“No, really, it’s no problem,” Peter assured her, feeling pleased. “I’m more than happy to help.”  
  
“Well, then, if I ever need you, I’ll let you know,” Buffy said, hoping Peter would forget all about this conversation so he wouldn’t feel wounded when she didn’t ask for his aid again.  
  
“Great!” Peter was beaming.  
  
Buffy smiled, placing the book back in her bag. “Goodnight, Peter,” she said. She turned around to leave.  
“Actually, there was one more thing,” Peter burst out, feeling himself start to sweat again.  
  
Buffy turned to look at him. “Yes?”

“I-I was…I was w-wondering if you’d l-like to go to H-Hogsmeade with me,” Peter stuttered out, hating his stammering and inwardly cursing it.  
  
Buffy blinked, suddenly feeling very out of her depth as Peter gave her a hopeful look. “Well…the thing is,” she began lamely, not really sure what to say. She liked Peter, she really did, but only as a _friend._ She may not be in love with Angel anymore, but she wasn’t going to date anyone unless it was _Remus._ No one else. She froze, as this thought made its way into her mind - she liked Remus! _Remus!_ Not Angel! “…I like Remus,” she breathed out, amazed at her own realisation. “I like Remus!”  
  
Peter looked stumped.  
  
 _‘I-I like Remus! Not Angel – Remus!’_ Buffy’s heart felt so much lighter, and a smile started slowly spread across her face. Suddenly, she remembered Peter standing there and her head snapped around to stare at the heartbroken boy. “I-I’m sorry, Peter, but I have to go.” She ran out of the library, leaving Peter behind feeling like the smallest and most insignificant being on the face of the planet.

* * *

“Oh, stop the bloody pacing! It’s driving me mad!” Sirius exclaimed and Remus stopped pacing the common room to glare at Sirius.  
  
“Excuse me for being nervous,” he snapped.  
  
“Nervous?” James said stupidly. “What do you have to be nervous about?”  
  
Remus sighed, dragging a hand through his hair tiredly. “I’m trying to work up enough courage to ask Buffy out on a date. Lily convinced me.”  
  
“And I repeat; what do you have to be nervous about?” James repeated. “Asking someone out is easy. It’s being turned down that’s difficult.”  
  
“Oh, thanks, Prongs,” Remus said sarcastically. “That sure raised my confidence.”  
  
James ignored Remus’ input and instead turned to stare at Lily, sitting by the fire along with Michaela, talking. “Now, Remus, watch me demonstrate: Oi, Lily!” He said, fighting the urge to mess up his hair.  
  
Lily turned to look at him with a raise of her eyebrows. “Yes, James.”  
  
James smiled charmingly. “You, me, Hogsmeade?” he suggested. Lily gave him a thoughtful look. James leaned over conspiratorially to Remus and Sirius. “Here it comes – the _no, I'd rather go out with the Giant Squid,_ or some variation thereof. What is important to remember is to play it cool, no matter what they say.” He turned back to Lily, an expectant look in his eyes. Lily regarded him for a little while longer, before answering:  
  
“Alright.”  
  
James fell out of his chair.

Sirius and Remus sniggered. _“Play it cool,_ was it, Prongs?” Sirius said loudly.

James sat up, jaw dropping. “Y-you just a-accepted my invite to H-Hogsmeade,” he stuttered out. Lily regarded him with a calm look, ignoring the whispers and the hands that were suddenly collecting their winnings – or handing over their losses - from the many bets that had been taken on when – if ever – this miracle occurrence would take place.  
  
“Yes, I did,” Lily said. “Pick me up in the Entrance Hall before we leave. On time,” she added before she turned her attention back to a laughing Michaela, a small smile playing across her lips.  
  
“Breathe, Prongs,” Sirius said, waving his hand in front of a hyperventilating James Potter.  
  
“She accepted,” James repeated, rocking back and forth on the floor. “She _accepted.”_  
  
Sirius shook his head sadly, giving Remus a mournful look. “I think she broke him.” They all jumped in shock as the portrait slammed open with a loud bang, revealing Buffy. “Don’t do that!” Sirius clutched his chest dramatically. “You almost gave me a heart attack!”  
  
Buffy ignored him, only having eyes for Remus, standing in the middle of the common room. “B-Buffy,” Remus said, feeling the nervousness return. “I-I –mphh - ” Remus eyes widened in shock as he realised Buffy was kissing him.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity, Buffy pulled back, still smiling at Remus, who was swaying slightly and wondering when the sky fell down. “I like you too,” Buffy said breathlessly. “And I’m not afraid to admit it anymore. Remus – Re…” she grabbed his hands, and, in a low voice, audible to only them, she continued: “I was afraid I was betraying Angel’s memory by letting myself fall for you, but more than that, I was afraid that I liked you for all the wrong reasons: that I was only using you as a replacement – that I was only using you to get over him.”  
  
She smiled, tears of relief visible in her eyes. “I was wrong,” she whispered hoarsely. “I was already over him, and that was what made me feel guilty.” She smiled. “But I don’t feel guilty anymore.” Buffy’s eyes shone brightly and she was looking at Remus in a way that made his heart beat quicker than ever before. “You said you were willing to try with me. Well, I’m willing to try with you too.”  
  
Remus stared dumbly at Buffy, not noticing their surroundings holding their breath in anticipation. "Are you certain?" he asked. "Because I warn you, I do come with several issies, such as a lack of self-confidence, a furry not-so-little problem, an addiction to books and chocolate, and three very pesky friends."

"Oi!" Sirius protested as sniggers broke out in the common room.

Buffy only grinned widely. "I think I can handle it," she whispered, her eyes glittering.

Remus nodded, still in somewhat of a daze. "Go with me to Hogsmeade?” he croaked out, just as Peter, unseen by all, entered through the portrait hole, his face falling as he took in the scene taking place in the middle of the room.  
  
Buffy smiled widely. “I’d love to.”

* * *

 **28 October**  
  
The moment he entered the library, he found what he had been looking for. The dark-haired male slowly sneaked towards his goal – a brown-eyed girl, almost hidden behind a mountain of books unaware of the upcoming attack…he raised his wand, and opened his mouth, a spell on his lips –  
  
“ – Don’t even think about it,” the girl said, voice dangerously low, without looking up from her notes.  
  
Sirius pouted and lowered his wand, sitting down on the opposite side of the table, pushing away the stack of books she had accumulated. “How did you know it was me?”  
  
“You smell,” Mandy deadpanned.  
  
Sirius snorted in disbelief. “No, _seriously_ – how did you know?”  
Mandy didn’t answer, and Sirius frowned, lifting his arm and sniffing his armpit carefully, before lowering it, looking pleased, now certain Mandy had only been trying to trick him. “Nice try, but I didn’t believe you.” Sirius grinned widely from ear to ear. “Anyway, it’s next week.”  
  
“Huh?” Mandy gave him a bewildered look.  
  
“Don’t you remember? You said to ask you again next week last week about the Hogsmeade visit! Which, by the way, happens to tomorrow!” He sounded slightly distressed.  
  
“Oh,” Mandy said, biting her lip.  
  
“So?” Sirius prompted. “Will you? Just as friends,” he assured her. “But everyone else, except Peter, has a date, and I don’t want to go by myself. And it’s no fun to just go with Wormtail.”  
  
“But then Peter will be alone,” Mandy said hesitantly. “Won’t he feel abandoned?”  
  
“Oh, don’t worry about him,” Sirius said, dismissing her concern. “He’ll be fine, as long as we buy him something to eat. So…?”

“Fine,” Mandy said, sighing. “If you behave yourself.”

“That will not be a problem,” Sirius assured, standing up and walking over to Mandy’s side of the table, putting an arm around her shoulder. “I can be a proper gentleman.”  
  
Mandy shrugged off his arm. She didn’t really mind it anymore, but she didn’t want to give him any ideas – they were _just friends,_ after all. “Prove it,” she said with a raise of an eyebrow.  
  
Sirius straightened up, eyes glittering. “Was that a challenge?”  
  
“See it however you want,” Mandy said, standing up and carefully lifting the stack of books. “Meet me in the Entrance Hall tomorrow morning, then?” she called over her shoulder, while taking all of the books back to their proper places.  
  
“You bet I will!” Sirius said, without taking his eyes of Mandy’s butt. It was a very fine butt, he thought.

* * *

 **29 October**  
  
Peter kicked a stone morosely, hands in his pocket, as he slowly made his way through Hogsmeade's main shopping street. This wasn’t even close to being fun, what with James, Sirius and Remus all having dates. Or, in Sirius’ case, a ‘non-date.’ He snorted. Yeah, right!  
  
“So, Peter, what do you want to do first?” he said out loud, pretending to be someone else. Then, he changed his tone of voice to his normal level. “Oh, I don’t know – be bored?”  
  
“Talking to yourself, Pettigrew?”  
  
Peter jumped about a mile high, before spinning around. “S-Snape!” He stuttered. “W-what are you doing here?”  
  
Snape let an eyebrow rise. “I do believe it is called shopping,” he said dryly. “Browsing, having a look around.” His eyes glinted. “Scaring the willies out of you...” Peter gulped. “So, where are dumb, dumber and dumbest?” Snape asked, looking over Peter’s shoulder. “Lupin, Black and Potter? Did they abandon you?” he said mockingly, when he couldn’t spot them. “Leave you here all by your lonesome?”  
  
“T-they had d-dates,” Peter stammered out, trying to defend them, which was rather difficult, since he thought Snape sort of had a point. The least his friends could have done was to set him up with someone too… “I-I understand why they left…”  
  
“Dates. Of course. And how do you feel about that, Peter? Your friends, deserting you in order to fool around with silly _girls?”_

“They’re not silly!” Peter protested, eyes blazing, and feeling some of his Gryffindor courage return. “They’re really nice! And pretty!” He added after a second, thinking of Buffy.  
  
Snape sneered. “Pretty? But of course. Potter and Black wouldn’t show their faces in public with someone ugly, now would they?” He leaned closer, his black eyes glinting, his greasy hair casting shadows across his face. Peter flinched. “And these… _pretty_ girls…they are…who, exactly?”  
  
“R-Remus is with Buffy - t-the new girl, and S-Sirius is hanging out with M-Mandy Walker,” Peter hastily rambled out. “A-and James is out with L-Lily.”  
  
Snape froze. “He’s what?” he hissed, fists clenched.  
  
“Lily!” Peter squeaked out again, sweating heavily. “E-Evans! Lily Evans!”  
  
Snape breathed heavily, chest heaving and his nostrils flaring as he glared at Peter, as though his eyes could burn a hole through his skull - which they probably could, Peter reckoned, if enough time passed. Finally, Snape straightened up, and he said coolly: “I see.” And then he spun around, his black robes billowing behind him.

* * *

Lily was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down her face, and she clutched her stomach. “Your father did that?” she gasped out. “Seriously?”  
  
James grinned, feeling immensely pleased that Lily seemed to be having a good time. “Yes. And then he said; _but, dear, you always said it would be lovely with a pool in the backyard.”_  
  
Lily burst out laughing anew. “Your mum must have been furious!”  
  
“Oh, she was _livid!”_ James exclaimed. “She – ” He suddenly froze as a shadow fell over their table, and he turned around in his seat.  
  
Snape.  
  
“Lily,” the Slytherin said, voice cracking slightly. He sounded strange, James thought; slightly choked, as though he had something in his throat. Or as though he had been crying, but that couldn’t be it – Severus Snape couldn’t possibly know how to cry – or to feel, for that matter...or could he? James frowned.  
  
Lily’s face became one of blank indifference. “Severus,” she said coolly.  
  
“I was just making my way past the Three Broomsticks,” Snape said, through gritted teeth in a low voice. “And imagine my surprise when I glanced through the window and saw Lily Evans, in company of _James Potter,_ of all people… And seemingly having a _good time.”_  
  
“Yes,” Lily said promptly. “Hell must have frozen over at last, I suppose.”  
  
“Obviously,” Snape said. He actually sounded…sad, James realised. “I…hope your… _date_ will continue to go well,” Snape said after a long silence, before abruptly turning around and leaving the bar, looking as though he had swallowed something really sour.  
  
“What was that all about?” James hissed, the moment Snape had exited the doors. Lily looked tired suddenly. “Nothing. It’s between me and Severus. Just drop it. Please.”  
  
“I never understood why you hung out with him anyway,” James said grumpily.  
  
“For your information, he was a very good friend!” Lily hissed angrily, green eyes blazing. “But I’m not hanging out with him anymore, now, am I?”  
  
“Sorry, sorry,” James said hurriedly, holding up his hands in surrender. He ruffled up his hair nervously. “If you don’t mind me asking,” he said hesitantly. “What happened between you? Why did you stop…being friends?” He was referring to Lily’s and Snape’s friendship, which had been very strong all through first to fifth year (stronger – deeper – than the one the redhead had with Remus). It was also a big contribution to why James had been a mean git to Snape for so long – but when they returned to start their sixth year, their closeness had disappeared, as though it had never happened.  
  
Lily sighed. “It’s…complicated. But the bottom line is that we had different opinions and different goals. We were just…too different,” she finished lamely, voice barely more than a whisper.  
  
James gave her thoughtful look. “I see,” he said slowly, before sitting up a bit straighter in his seat and abruptly changing the subject. “Anyway, I never did tell you how my mum reacted, did I?”  
  
Lily smiled, feeling grateful James wasn’t pushing the issue further. _‘He really has grown up’,_ she realised, and her smile widened slightly. There _was_ more to James Potter than met the eye, and she was only now finding out exactly how much.

* * *

“And how is Mr Flume today?” Sirius asked Mrs Flume charmingly, as she wrapped up the last of his and Mandy’s – and Peter’s – candy.  
  
Mrs Flume, one of the two owners of Honeydukes smiled brightly. “Oh, Ambrosius is just fine,” she said happily. “Terribly busy with all the owl-orders that are coming in. Business here is booming, as usual, once the term begins. Here you go, dear,” she finished, handing over the purchases to Sirius. Then, she frowned. “But – where are the rest of you?” she asked, sounding confused. “The other three boys.”

“Oh, they had other engagements,” Sirius said airily. “But I’m sure Remus at least will be by later. You know what he’s like when it comes to chocolate.”  
  
“Oh, yes,” chuckled Mrs Flume. “One of my most devoted customers. So you are all alone, today, then?” She actually sounded slightly disappointed.  
  
“Oh, no, not at all!” Sirius said with wide eyes, grabbing a protesting Mandy by the waist and pulling her close. “I have a date.”  
  
Mandy glared, before she turned to Mrs Flume with an embarrassed smile. “Hi,” she said.  
  
Mrs Flume clapped her hands together with delight. “Oh, how lovely!” She exclaimed. “Aren’t you just a dearie,” she gushed.  
  
Mandy was blushing heavily. “Not really,” she muttered. “And it’s not a date,” she added, squirming in Sirius’ arms.  
  
“Of course it isn’t, dear,” Mrs Flume said with a wide smile, obviously not believing her.  
  
As the older lady chattered on and on about how everything was “beautiful with young love” and reminiscing about her own days as a “young teenage girl”, along with commenting on Sirius’ “good taste in women”, Mandy did her best to keep smiling, nodding and humming along at all the right places, while imagining the knee in the groin Sirius would get as soon as they were out of here. Sirius, completely oblivious to Mandy’s thoughts of impending torture, was to no help, of course, as he was just smirking at her predicament, feeling rather pleased with himself.  
  
Finally, though, it seemed even he had had enough, and he turned to Mrs Flume with a winning grin. “I am sorry – I would love to chat some more,” he said, managing to sound regretful but charming at the same time, “but we really have to get going.” He pulled out some Galleons from his pocket. “Will this be enough?” he asked.  
  
Mrs Flume’s eyes widened theatrically. “More than enough!” She almost yelled. “I don’t even need most of that! You have a discount, remember?!”

Sirius slapped a hand against his forehead. “Of course!” He said. “Silly me. How could I have forgotten?”  
  
Mandy gave him a look of disbelief. It was so obvious Sirius was only putting on an act! But it seemed Mrs Flume bought it. “Oh, I have no idea,” the woman said, while taking the correct (or rather, less than the correct) amount of money from Sirius’ outstretched hand. “You are still young, while I, on the other hand, am becoming older and more forgetful every day.” She winked.  
  
“Oh, no, Mrs Flume, you’re not old!” Sirius immediately exclaimed, giving her a flirtatious smile. “I know that if you weren’t already married and if I were not currently involved with Mandy, here,” he pulled her a bit closer, “I would definitely ask you out!”  
  
Mandy opened her mouth to come with a retort – that she wasn’t with anyone, at moment, least of all _him,_ but before she could, Mrs Flume spoke up again: “Don’t be ridiculous, young man!” She said, cheeks glowing red. “I am very flattered but you are a young and virile - a fine male specimen who can have his pick of women in the world!”  
  
Sirius winked. “Maybe that woman is you,” he said, before giving her a last charming smile and exiting Honeydukes’ sweet shop, leaving Mrs Flume standing behind the counter, fanning herself with her hand, a red blush still covering her cheeks.

* * *

“So…” Remus smiled shyly at Buffy blushing slightly. Buffy smiled back.  
  
“So…?”

“Eh…nice weather, huh?” Remus said, and immediately wanted to kick himself. “Pretend I did not just say that,” he said, wincing and closing his eyes. Buffy burst out laughing, especially as she looked out the window and saw the grey and cloudy sky outside. Remus face fell. “I’m making a total mess of this…date, aren’t I?” he said mournfully, letting his head fall onto the table.  
  
Buffy, still chortling, patted his shoulder comfortingly. “No, you’re not,” she said, grinning. “I’m having loads of fun.”  
  
Remus looked up, peering up at the Slayer doubtfully. “You think this is fun?” he asked in disbelief.  
  
“Yeah,” Buffy assured him. “Usually, this far into a date, the apocalypse comes and I have to save the world. That really puts a damper on things.”  
  
“I think this has gotten as bad as it can get,” Remus sighed. “In fact, I wish an apocalypse _would_ come, in order to make things more interesting.”  
  
“Hello, lady!” A voice said cheerfully. “And gentleman!”  
  
Buffy gave Remus a look. “You just had to say that, didn’t you?” She turned around in her seat. “Hello, Sirius.”  
  
Mandy gave them an apologetic look. “I’m sorry. I tried to convince him to go somewhere else other than the Three Broomsticks, but the moment he saw you sitting here…” she shrugged helplessly, trailing off.  
  
Remus grimaced. “That’s fine.”  
  
Sirius sat down on one of the free chairs, wincing as he did so.  
  
Remus looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “What happened to you?”  
  
“My knee,” Mandy said calmly, sitting down beside Buffy, “had an appointment with his groin.”  
  
Remus winced in sympathy, as did Sirius at the rather painful memory.  
  
“How has your day been?” Mandy asked, ignoring Sirius completely, still rather pissed off at the fact that, despite all promises that this was _not_ a date - just two friends hanging out - when it came down to it, that was not how he presented her to everyone else.  
  
“Hell,” Remus mumbled.  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes, before turning to Mandy. “Just fine, thanks,” she said. “Remus showed me around and even bought me a sweater. I’ve had a great time so far.” She grinned, and gave Remus a mock glare. “Remus thinks the date has been bad, but that’s because he worries too much.”  
  
Sirius chuckled. “That’s our Moony,” he said. “He always worries too much, for no reason. Ease up a bit, eh?” He slapped Remus, who had just taken a sip of his Butterbeer, hard on his back, making half of the liquid fall out of his mouth and down the front of his robes, and the other half go down the wrong pipe.

The werewolf coughed, his eyes tearing up. “Sirius!” He hissed, while fanning himself with his hand, as he broke out in a series of painful sounding coughs.  
  
Sirius grinned. “Sorry!” He didn’t sound sorry at all, and only managed to earn himself death glares from three pairs of eyes around the table. Luckily for him, the door opened and James and Lily stepped inside.  
  
“Hi,” Lily said, as she neared their table, dragging James by the hand in order to make him hurry up: James was looking very pleased. “We have already been in here once today, but when we saw you through the window, we just had to join you. Is that alright?” She sounded slightly breathless.  
  
“Sure,” Remus said, voice sounding slightly scratchy. He looked down mournfully at his robes. Sighing, he pulled out his wand and waved it at his clothing, which immediately dried and cleaned up. “So,” he asked Lily. “How has your date been? Has James been treating you well?”  
  
Lily grinned up at the now blushing messy-haired boy. “It’s been wonderful,” she assured him. “Just fabulous! Brilliant! Amazing, even!”  
  
Sirius gave his best friend and incredulous look. “Have you drugged her?” he demanded to know. “If so, what did you give her and where can I get some?”  
  
Lily glared, her smile immediately disappearing. “He has not drugged me!” She hissed. ”Is it so difficult to believe that James and I can actually manage to spend time together without arguing?”  
  
“Yes,” Sirius, Mandy, Remus and Buffy chorused.

* * *

Sirius held up his Butterbeer in a toast. “To friends!” He said enthusiastically, grinning at Peter - who had joined them soon after Lily and James - and winked at Mandy, who, true to herself, proceeded to roll her eyes, but was smiling nonetheless.  
  
The others laughed. “To friends,” they agreed, holding up their own toasts. Their laughter fell as a man with long, white blonde hair stepped into the bar.  
  
“Who is that?” Buffy asked, nodding towards him, confused from the sudden silence. “Do you know him?”  
  
Lily shushed her, looking incredibly nervous, her eyes darting around the bar, looking for exits.  
  
“That’s Lucius Malfoy,” Remus mumbled quietly. “A Dark wizard, if there ever was one. It has never been proven, but that’s because the Ministry is corrupted.” He lowered his voice even more. “Something else that has never been proven, but highly suspected, is that he is a supporter of _Him._ He might even work for _Him_ \- Voldemort.”  
Peter squeaked, and fell out of his chair. James and Sirius both gave him glares, as Lucius turned his head towards where the sound had come from, and made his way over.  
  
“Great work, Wormtail,” Sirius muttered.  
  
“I’m sorry!” Peter whined, wringing his hands in frightened despair. “But… _Remus said His name!”_  
  
“Who’s Voldemort?” Buffy wondered.  
  
“Shh!” James hissed. “He’s coming.” They hastily quieted down, and James put on a quick plastered smile.  
  
Buffy gave Remus a questioning glance, wondering what was going on, and Remus shook his head, mouthing: ‘I’ll tell you later.’  
  
“Malfoy,” James said stiffly.  
  
“Potter.” Lucius nodded in greeting. “I trust all is well with your family?”  
  
“Oh, yes, very well.” James said in a light tone of voice, his cheeks starting to hurt from the forced smile. If Malfoy didn’t leave soon, he was afraid his face would be stuck in this expression forever. “My father is keeping busy. The Aurors have called him in to speak to their Department about the possibility of designing wards especially equipped to deal with Death Eaters.”  
  
“Yes, yes, your father has always been one for involving himself when it would be more prudent to keep a low profile.” Malfoy said, his expression not changing. “Now when You-Know-Who is gathering more and more followers, it is important you don’t mix with the…wrong crowd.” He gave Lily, and then Mandy, a look out of the corner of his eyes, and James and Sirius’ eyes narrowed dangerously. “Well,” he finally said dryly. “I would love to stay and chit-chat – ” there was no mistaking the sarcasm in his voice – ”but business calls. Another time, perhaps?”

“That would be lovely,” James said, just as sarcastic. “I hope you have a very nice day.”  
  
“Likewise, Potter, likewise.”

* * *

“I don’t even know Malfoy, and I hate him already,” Buffy grumbled as she and Remus exited the Three Broomsticks a few minutes later: The Marauders’ good mood had been ruined by the older man’s ‘pleasant’ visit. “Did you see that look he gave Lily and Mandy?”  
  
“Yes,” Remus said. “He hates Muggle-borns.” He grimaced.  
  
“Speaking of Malfoy, what was going on in there? Why did Peter fall off his chair when you said that name…Voldemort. Who is he?” Buffy wondered.  
  
“Dangerous,” Remus said, voice grave. “Voldemort’s highest wish, other than more power and immortality, is to purge Britain – and eventually the world - of all Muggles and Muggle-borns, and everyone else who isn’t pure-blood until only the ‘worthy’ remain.”  
  
“That’s insane!” Buffy spat. “It’s like Hitler, during the second world war!”

Remus nodded solemnly. “Yes. Unfortunately, he is not alone in his thoughts – he has a lot of support from most of the older, traditional families and pure-bloods, and even has his own followers – Death Eaters. For the past several years, Voldemort’s…quest has only gotten stronger, and there are more and more attacks. So far, they’ve only been directed at the Muggle-populace, but I expect that will change as he grows cockier. I doubt it will be long now: As Peter showed you, some people – a lot of people – are even becoming frightened of his name.”  
  
Buffy shuddered. “Let’s talk about something else, please,” she said. “This is getting me all depressed. Where to next?”  
  
Remus checked his watch. “Well…maybe we should head back to the carriages,” he began hesitantly.  
  
Buffy shook her head. “There are still lots of time,” she insisted. Pulling on Remus’ sweater, she pointed down a smaller alley almost opposite the Three Broomsticks. “We haven’t been down there yet.” She took a few steps towards the alley, and then froze as she realised Remus wasn’t following, but was, in fact, shuffling with his feet awkwardly. “What’s wrong?” Buffy frowned.  
  
“There are no stores down that street,” Remus said quietly.  
  
“So?” Buffy grinned. “Come on – it can be fun.”  
  
“No, it won’t.” Remus looked away. “I know what’s down there already.” A small pause. “The Shrieking Shack.”  
  
Buffy blinked. “Oh..” She bit her lip. “Dumbledore mentioned a Shack, after…you know…the…disastrous patrol in the forest. I figured it was some sort of…safe-house. Am I correct? A place where you go to transform?”

“Yeah.” Remus swallowed, and he suddenly looked very pale. Buffy walked back until she was standing beside him. Slowly, she slipped her right hand into his left.  
  
“I would like to see it,” she said quietly, almost whispering. “I realise you must have some really awful memories of that place. But…if we go there together, maybe it won’t be so bad?”  
  
Remus was shaking like a leaf. “Okay,” he finally croaked out, voice almost breaking.  
  
Buffy gave him a worried look, already regretting her pushing. “We don’t have to…”  
  
“It’s fine,” Remus forced out, voice slightly stronger. “It’s just a building. It’s ridiculous to be scared of a building.”  
  
“It’s not the building itself you’re scared of,” Buffy said, voice low, as they entered the alley. “It’s what happens inside.”

* * *

Buffy took in the dark, slightly rotten house with boarded windows curiously, from where she was standing in the dank, overgrown garden. The house looked like it could collapse on itself in a second.  
  
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Remus’ said, voice bitter, and filled with irony. His hands were clenched into fists which were shaking slightly.  
  
Buffy placed a hand on his shoulder. “No,” she said quietly. “Not in the least.”  
  
“People regard it as the most haunted place in Britain,” Remus said. “They are terrified of coming near it, and even the ghosts avoid it like the plague. And it’s all because of the noises and howls I make when I become – and am – Moony…”  
  
“You’re not the wolf, Re,” Buffy said.  
  
“Aren’t I?” Remus laughed humourlessly. “I used to think so. James, Sirius and Peter made me believe it to be so. But lately…” he shook his head. “I doubt it. Being with Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs fooled me into thinking I could be myself, even during the full moons. Snape and the Whomping Willow should have taught me otherwise. It did teach me otherwise, but I let myself forget about it…and then I attacked you…”  
  
“It’s not your fault!” Buffy protested. “You even said that neither you nor I could have done anything about it!”  
  
Remus chuckled weakly. “Only so you would stop beating yourself up over it.” He gave Buffy a solemn look. “I may have said I didn’t blame myself for what happened…but I did. I still do.”  
  
“Listen to me, Remus Lupin,” Buffy said, eyes blazing. “You can’t be held responsible for what the wolf does. You’re not it. You’re you. A wonderful and kind human being, with an amazing sense of humour, who is selfless, insanely sympathetic. You have been unfairly given a lot in life you didn’t want, nor deserved to get.” She took his face in her hands gently, holding it still and forcing him to look at her.  
  
“You have weaknesses,” she stated. “You have faults. One of them is that you blame yourself for everything. You’re not perfect. But I like you anyway. Would I do that, if all that you were was the wolf? There is so much more to you than that. The wolf – the beast – is nothing against your humanity. I only wish you could see it too.”  
  
Slowly, Buffy closed the distance between them, and their lips met in a soft kiss. The Slayer wrapped her arms around Remus’ neck, pulling him closer, as Remus placed his arms around Buffy’s waist, a lone tear slowly making its way down his cheek.  
  
“To me, you’re enough,” Buffy breathed.

* * *

 **Published:** 01/09 -13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Jason Isaacs as Lucius Malfoy.


	12. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**31 October**  
  
“Remember what I said – just because I know this will probably turn into a disaster with all the Marauders here while we’re trying to work, doesn’t mean we have to make it easy for them. Keep an eye on every movement and don’t let them out of your sight! If you see them hex something, holler, and I’ll kick them out,” Lily hissed in Buffy’s ear as they entered the Great Hall. “James too – I don’t care that he's the Head Boy. If he tries something, he is _so_ out of here.”  
  
Halloween had reached Hogwarts at last, which meant it was time for the Prefects to decorate the Great Hall in an appropriate fashion before the feast which would take place later that evening. Unfortunately, Sirius had not forgotten Lily’s promise to him that he and Peter could help out, which was why Lily brought Buffy with her, even though she wasn’t a Prefect either, as back-up.  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Yes, Lily,” she said dutifully. Lily had been warning her about the very large possibility that the Marauders would take advantage of the preparations and make their own arrangements in the form of preparation for a prank, the entire walk here.  
  
“Hi, Lily!” James said brightly, waving down at them from the ceiling, where he was bobbing slightly in the air: Sirius was standing beneath him, a wand pointed at his friend, in order to keep him floating.  
  
“I hope you don’t mind we began early,” James said. “We just want to make sure everything is absolutely perfect!” He waved his wand at several extremely realistic looking bats he’d just conjured up, which all began to fly around the hall in formatted patterns, occasionally emitting screeching noises.  
  
Lily forced herself to smile. “That’s…excellent, James. I’m so glad you’re taking this seriously!” Inwardly, she was seething. Whatever the Marauders had planned…well, they’d probably already done it. “Remember...keep an eye on them,” she mumbled through gritted teeth to Buffy, still smiling stiffly at James, though her left eye was twitching suspiciously.  
  
“I take everything Siriusly!” Sirius joked, flicking his wand at James, who soared away to another place which hadn’t been covered yet.  
  
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Lily mumbled, walking over to a table where Peter and Remus were carving out pumpkins. “Hi. How’s everything going?”

“Everything’s going great,” Remus enthused. “This is actually quite fun!” He let his wand travel in a small triangular pattern over the pumpkin where he imagined the nose to be, mumbling a spell under his breath. There was a tiny flash of light, and the triangular pattern he’d been making disintegrated into nothing, leaving a hole in the perfect form of a nose.  
  
“Oh, you have to teach me that spell!” Buffy exclaimed, pulling out her wand. “It’s so much handier than using a knife and far less messy!”  
  
“Sure!” Remus grinned. “It’s easy…”  
  
Peter rolled his eyes at Lily, wiping his brow slightly. “You want to help? While Remus is having fun ‘decorating’ I’m doing all the hard work of actually hollowing the pumpkins out. And, I can’t just do a vanishing spell on it, because the house-elves want it for their cooking, so I have to do it all by hand.” He held up his spoon, and gestured towards several bowls already filled with pumpkin-flesh standing on the table.  
Lily laughed, shaking her head. “No, thanks. I’ll go check and see how the other Prefects are doing. But have fun!”  
  
“Yeah, like that’s going to happen…” Peter grimaced, returning to what he’d labelled ‘slave-labour.’  
  
Grinning, Lily made her way over to Mandy, who was creating spider web in the corners. “Do you need any help?”  
  
“Oh, do I ever!” Mandy said sounding relieved. “You’re good at charms right? Could you do something to make the web stand out a little bit more, and make it a bit more realistic? As it is now, it just looks like a lot of grey thread hanging together.”  
  
“No problem,” Lily said, pulling out her wand and frowning in concentration. “How about…this?” She waved her wand at the spider-web Mandy has just finished working on, and it immediately started to turn more silvery-white in appearance, even seemingly transparent in places. Small glistening drops looking like morning dew appeared on it, casting white reflections on the walls and the floor.  
  
“That’s excellent!” Mandy grinned, hugging Lily. “It was just the effect I wanted!”  
  
“Hello, girls,” Sirius said. “Can I help you with anything?” He grinned widely at Mandy, who glared, still rather angry at Sirius for the stunt he pulled at Honeydukes.  
  
“No, thank you,” she said coolly. “Lily and I have everything under control here. Don’t we, Lily?” She gave the redhead a mix between a pointed and pleading glare.  
  
“Yes, everything is going smoothly,” Lily cut in. “Weren’t you helping James with the bats?”  
  
“Oh, we finished that ages ago,” Sirius said.  
  
“Then you can help Peter with the pumpkins.”  
  
“I sent James over to do that,” Sirius said, to Lily’s surprise. “I’d rather help you.” He waggled his eyebrows in Mandy’s direction.  
  
“You know what?” Mandy said, hurriedly straightening up from the web she’d been working on. “Since it looks like Lily can make the spider webs turn out way better looking than I’ll ever manage, I’ll head over to the fifth-year Prefects. They seem to need some help with the actual spiders. Even if they are plastic.” She hurried off.  
  
“What’s up with her?” Sirius asked and scratched his head, a confused look on his face.  
  
Lily smirked at him, waving her wand at another web. “Well,” she said, sounding amused, “it could be the fact that you acted like she was your date - not to mention property - yesterday, even though you assured her you were only going as friends.”  
  
“She can’t still be mad about that, can she?” Sirius exclaimed as he made ‘dew’ appear on yet another web. “It was just in good fun!”  
  
“Some people don’t always agree with what you consider _good fun,”_ Lily pointed out. “If I were you, I’d grovel. A lot.”

“She kneed me in the groin, isn’t that enough?” Sirius exclaimed.  
  
Lily sniggered. “She did?” She sounded delighted, green eyes sparkling with badly held back glee.

Sirius glared. “It’s not funny,” he grumbled. “What if there’s permanent damage?”  
  
Lily burst out laughing. “Just apologise,” she said when she’d finally calmed down. “But let her cool down first. And when you beg for forgiveness, look like you actually mean it. Now come on,” she said. “These webs won’t finish themselves, you know.”

* * *

“I’m sorry about the way I acted yesterday.” Sirius gave Mandy a solemn look, walking up to her quietly after they finished, when everyone was heading back to their respective common rooms to get ready for the feast.  
  
Mandy sighed. “Apology accepted. But…don’t let it happen again. We’re _just friends,_ remember?”  
  
“Unfortunately,” Sirius muttered. “Look, Mandy, when we first agreed to be friends…I thought that was only to see whether we…clicked or not. And we do click, don’t we?”  
  
“Yes, Sirius,” Mandy said tiredly. “We…click.” She grimaced.  
  
“So – now that we’re friends,” Sirius hurriedly added. “Why can’t we move to the next level? We’re friends, we’re attracted to each other, and we both want to be more than buddies!”  
  
 _“No,_ Sirius,” Mandy let out a frustrated groan. _“You_ want to be more than ‘buddies,’ alright! Not me! I’m happy with the way things are right now!”  
  
“But you’re not denying you’re attracted to me,” Sirius pointed out smugly. Mandy glared. “Aww, don’t be like that!” Sirius pouted. “You said I could ask you out again after we’d been friends for awhile. So, here I am, asking!”  
  
“It wasn’t that long ago we first met, Sirius, and the short time since then is hardly enough to build a relationship on!” Mandy protested. “And what if we break up? What then? I’m pretty sure that will end our friendship, which, coincidentally, has been more about you flirting, while pretending you’re not.”  
  
Sirius pulled his fingers through his hair tiredly. “But don’t you get it? I don’t _want_ to be just friends, Mandy!”  
  
“And I don’t want to be your girlfriend,” Mandy repeated, crossing her arms.  
  
“Well, then I guess we have a problem,” Sirius snapped, spinning around on his heel. “You know what?” he called over his shoulder as he stalked away, “you’re a tease, Mandy Walker! You made me get my hopes up about having an actual relationship with someone who cares, but you were just taking advantage, because you never had any intention to let this go further than friendship to begin with!”  
  
Mandy was left standing in the corridor, gawking at his theatrics. “I meant every word!”

“Yeah?” Sirius challenged, stomping back towards her with raised eyebrows.  
  
“Yes!” Mandy rubbed her eyes, sighing. “Alright. Let me see if I can put this in a way you’ll understand. I have...severe abandonment issues,” she finished, inwardly wincing at her choice of words.  
Sirius blinked; confused at the sudden turn the conversation was taking. “You have what now?”  
  
“Abandonment issues,” Mandy repeated. “Which means, I don’t easily commit to people, or rather, relationships, because of stuff that have happened to me in the past. You are not my problem – _I_ am my problem.”  
  
Sirius held up a hand, cringing. “Okay, enough. Don’t give me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me-speech.’ You don’t need to sooth my ego – I’ve given that speech enough times to know that’s just a way to turn someone down gently, when you never really mean it.”  
  
“I mean it,” Mandy said quietly. “Will you let me explain?”  
  
Sirius gave her a long searching look. “Fine,” he muttered.  
  
“Alright, from what I know about you, you understand all about family issues,” Mandy began. “Well, I have them too. Not in the same way, but they’re there. My mother and father started out as friends, and then best friends, then boyfriend/girlfriend, and finally, husband and wife. They had my sister, and then they had me, and everything was…sunshine and roses. For a while.”  
  
She looked down at the floor.  
  
“Then they lost their friendship, and then their relationship. And, when I turned eleven and I got my Hogwarts letter, well…I guess that was the final straw. Their marriage was over too. They filed for divorce; dad moved to France and what used to be our summer home with some tart from Paris, several years younger, whom he’d had been having an affair with for God knows how long.” Mandy laughed humourlessly. “It sounds so clichéd but it’s unfortunately the way it is.”  
  
“Mum…well, let’s just say the bottle became her best friend. My sister, Kelly, she was sixteen at the time, practically took over responsibility for me, mum, the house and everything else. It was only when I began my fourth year that she moved to America, and I don’t blame her. I stay with her every summer; the winters I spend at Hogwarts, so I never see my mother anymore, and I’m kind of grateful for that. So…do you understand?” Mandy finished gently. “Severe abandonment issues. It’s not that I don’t want a relationship, I do. But I’m scared. And I need more time.”  
  
Sirius took a deep breath. “Alright. I understand. I’ll stop pushing. But…consider the whole me-asking-you-out-thing an open offer. Let me know when you’re ready.”  
  
“You mean you’re going to wait?” Mandy sounded incredulous. “You realise it may be ages before I’m ready, and you’ll _wait?_ There’s more fish in the sea, Sirius, fish with far fewer issues than me!”  
  
“Well,” Sirius put his hands around his neck, smirking slightly as he walked away, backwards, not taking his eyes off of her. “Maybe I don’t want just any fish,” he said cocking his head, grey eyes twinkling with amusement. “I can be patient, you know. And, as cheesy as it sounds, some things are worth waiting for.” And turning around, he walked away, whistling a little tune as he went, leaving Mandy standing in the corridor feeling confused, but, at the same time, strangely happy.

* * *

“Relax, Lily,” Buffy drawled, putting yet another piece of pumpkin pie on her plate. “Enjoy the food! It’s really yummy!”  
  
Lily glared. “I just know they’re up to something,” she hissed, eyes narrowed at James and Sirius who sat a few seats down. The feast was in full swing, and everything looked perfect: The decorations were beautiful – thanks to her and the Prefects’ hard work, and, as much as she loathed saying it, the Marauders had had a large hand in it too. The food looked delicious, and everyone was seemingly having a good time.  
  
“You’re far too tense, Lily,” Remus said from his seat beside Buffy. “What makes you think we’re up to anything?”  
  
“It’s Halloween,” Lily muttered. “That’s reason enough.”  
  
Buffy sniggered, putting a piece of chocolate in Remus’ mouth. His eyes closed in bliss. “I love Halloween,” he exclaimed with a deep sigh of satisfaction as it melted on his tongue.  
  
Buffy grinned, and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “Just enjoy what’s left of the evening, Lily,” she advised sensibly. “If ‘the Marauders’ are up to something, I doubt you can do anything to stop them. Take advantage of the peace while it lasts.”  
  
Several minutes passed by, and Lily slowly let her guard drop a bit. James, Sirius and Peter were all busy with gulping down as much food they could eat, as was Remus, though he had time to fool around with a high-spirited Buffy between bites as well. Maybe nothing would happen this year?  
  
The second that thought crossed her mind, someone by the Ravenclaw table let out a scream, followed by most of the students from the house of learning. Only moments after, shrieks and gasps came from Hufflepuff, Slytherin and Gryffindor as well.  
  
Lily closed her eyes in defeat. She should have known better than get her hopes up. Opening her eyes, she looked down at her plate, and jumped up from her seat with a yell of frightened disgust. The food had been transfigured in what looked like eyeballs, worms that were actually wiggling, and pieces of bone from which strings of flesh still hung.  
  
Five seconds later, she realised it had only been an illusion of some kind, as the food flickered, and returned to normal. Hesitantly, she sat back down to murmured whispers coming from the rest of the Hall.  
  
“Didn’t it look tasty, Evans?” Sirius called, chortling wildly.  
  
“Hilarious,” Lily said dryly, glaring slightly. Thinking the prank was over, she grabbed her fork to return to her food. That’s when a cold gust of wind travelled through the Hall, making her feel chilled to the bone.  
  
As she looked up, Lily noticed all the House-banners had been transformed into flags: Gryffindor’s was proudly showing off a carved out pumpkin, on which the face changed expression every few seconds; Hufflepuff’s flag had turned black and now sprouted long, hairy legs, all of them twitching; Ravenclaw’s looked like a blood splattered sheet from which red drops were dripping, dissolving into the air just a few inches from the students’ heads; and Slytherin’s flag displayed two giant skeletons dancing polka.  
  
The sound of a loud fanfare reached the students’ ears and the many pumpkin heads in the hall started to flicker and glow like large golden light bulbs. The reflections coming from the ‘dew’ on the spider webs grew larger and brighter, illuminating the hall, and the cloth on the tables suddenly disappeared; under it you could see moving pictures play out different scenes from famous horror movies and fairytales: There was Dracula, Little Red riding Hood, Frankenstein, Cinderella and many, many more.  
  
Suddenly, candy fell from the ceiling, being dropped down from the bats soaring above them, and there was a large tumult as everyone scrambled to catch it.  
  
Above the Head Table, the banner on which the school motto was usually displayed had changed, so it instead showed a large stag, a black dog looking suspiciously like a Grim, and a wolf. The two canines seemed to howl at the moon, while the stag looked as though it was keeping watch over them all. If you looked closely, and paid attention to detail, you could even see a rat scurry around on the stag’s antlers.  
  
Fireworks in red, gold, green, silver, blue, bronze, black and yellow, exploded in the air, forming the sentence: ‘WITH THE FOLLOWING SPARKLING WORDS OF WISDOM, MESSRS. MOONY, WORMTAIL, PADFOOT AND PRONGS PROUDLY CONCLUDES THEIR HALLOWEEN PRANK OF THE YEAR.’  
  
There was a short pause, and then the words reshaped themselves into a new message.  
  
‘MR PADFOOT WOULD LIKE TO REMIND EVERYONE THAT IT IS IMPORTANT TO MAKE LOVE; NOT WAR!’  
  
‘MR PRONGS AGREES WITH MR PADFOOT BUT WOULD ALSO LIKE TO ADD THAT LILY EVANS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE MULTIVERSE.’  
  
‘MR WORMTAIL THINKS MR PRONGS AND MR PADFOOT ARE BOTH INSANE, BUT INTELLIGENCE IS OVERRATED AND MADNESS IS THE SIGN OF A TRUE GENIUS.’  
  
‘MR MOONY WISHES YOU ALL A HAPPY HALLOWEEN, AND IMPLORES YOU TO NOT EAT THE BAT-CANDY UNLESS YOU _WANT_ TO SPEND THE NEXT TWO HOURS AS GIANT FLOATING BLACK MAMMALS.’  
  
The message dissolved into thin air, and applause, wolf-whistles and cat-calls rang out in appreciation for the Marauders’ latest joke. That is, until the last message sank in for those who had, in fact, already had a taste of the candy and did not hold this latest development in high esteem.  
  
Lily was sitting in her seat, beetred in the face, glaring at James, who just grinned charmingly, only to lose his smile as McGonagall came stalking over to them.  
  
“Hi, Professor McG,” Sirius said, waving cheerily.  
  
“Mr Black.” She was doing her best to look stern, but was failing miserably. “Mr Potter, Mr Lupin and Mr Pettigrew. While I do not approve of pranks, I have to say that this time, it was far more mature and entertaining than your usual stunts, and a lot less harmful and humiliating, though I obviously did not enjoy the disgusting illusion on my food.”  
  
Four jaws dropped.  
  
“Well,” James mused out loud, once he’d recovered from the shock. “It _was_ rather stylish and classy overall, don’t you agree?”  
  
“I do,” Professor McGonagall said. “To a point, I suppose.”  
  
“Good enough to avoid punishment?” Sirius asked brightly.  
  
“No,” Professor McGonagall said. Sirius’ face fell. “Forty points _from_ Gryffindor…and twenty points _to_ Gryffindor, for imaginative and creative spell work.” And with a _smile,_ she returned to the Head Table, leaving four bewildered students behind, wondering what had just happened.  
“Hey, Lily,” James said, after waking himself up from his stupor, waving with a piece of bat-candy. “Do you want to come along for some flying?”  
  
Lily gave him an incredulous look. “You actually think I’m going to turn myself into a bat on purpose?”  
  
“Why not?” James said. “It could be fun!”  
  
“No way!” Lily said, crossing her arms. “Forget it!”  
  
James shrugged. “Suit yourself. Sirius, you’re going, right?”  
  
“Of course!” Sirius exclaimed. “I’m a creature of the night! Not to mention, flying without a broom! Bloody brilliant, if I may say so!” He swallowed a piece of the bat candy and stood up, heading over to the Ravenclaw table, presumably to ask Mandy to come along.  
  
Remus and Buffy grinned at each other, and, as one, took a piece of candy each, swallowing it and heading out of the Great Hall, hand in hand. They were followed by Peter, Sirius – who, it, seemed, had managed to convince Mandy with no trouble, James, and several other students, who had all taken the candy - some voluntarily, even when knowing the side effects, and some, who had taken it before ‘Moony’s message’ was revealed and now had to deal with the consequences, whether they wanted to or not.  
  
For several seconds, Lily sat completely still, watching a scene at the table which showed Snow White taking a bite from the cursed apple. Making up her mind, she grabbed a piece of candy and stood, practically running to catch up with her friends. “Hey, wait up!”

* * *

Buffy and Remus stumbled into an empty common room, laughing uproariously, there candy having worn off. “That was a blast!” Buffy exclaimed, grinning like an idiot and sinking down on the sofa by the fire. “I don’t think I’ve had that much in ages! Did you see Lily’s face as she transformed? Classic!”  
  
Remus grinned back. “Yeah, it was quite fun.”  
  
“Hey, I was wondering,” Buffy said thoughtfully, “when you become a werewolf, how does that feel? Is it anything like what this felt like?”  
  
Remus smile slipped of his face, his expression darkening. Buffy immediately regretted asking. “No,” Remus mumbled. “Nothing like this. I think this was more in the lines of what an Animagus transformation would feel like, except forced, of course.”  
  
An awkward silence fell between them, only to be broken every few seconds as more and more Gryffindors returned from their ‘bat-adventure.’  
  
“Hey, guys!” James exclaimed, an arm around Lily’s shoulders. While the Head Girl looked slightly flushed, it didn’t seem like she minded James’ closeness. In fact, Buffy noted with a raise of an eyebrow, the redhead looked rather pleased. “Aren’t you going to head off to bed?”  
  
“Yeah, soon,” Buffy answered, casting a quick glance at the boy beside her, who was staring morosely into the fire. “I’ll be up in a few minutes.”  
  
“Alright,” Lily said, shrugging away James’ arm – looking rather disappointed – and headed towards the stairs. “Goodnight, James,” she said with a smile. “I had…fun.”  
  
James let out a sigh of bliss, grinning like an idiot and squealing like a girl the minute Lily disappeared into her dormitory. “I’m making progress!” He exclaimed, messing up his hair and turning to Sirius and Peter who had both just entered through the portrait whole. “I swear, before the end of the year, Lily will be mine!”  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah…” He headed up the boy’s staircase, followed by Peter, and James, still rambling:

“…She was smiling at me! And she said she had fun! We did have fun, didn’t we? And even as a bat, she was the cutest girl there - ”  
  
Buffy let out a snort as the door to the boys’ dormitory swung close, shutting out the sounds of James’ rant. “Oh, boy. How long do you think he’ll keep going?”  
  
“Knowing Prongs,” Remus said absently, still staring into the fire, “he’ll be going at it all night. Thank Merlin for silencing charms.”  
  
There was a few seconds of more silence, before Remus spoke up again. “Becoming Moony,” he said softly, so quietly that even Buffy with her supreme hearing had trouble catching it, “is painful. And that’s an understatement.”  
  
“You don’t have to – “ Buffy began only to be interrupted by Remus holding up a hand.  
  
“No. You asked,” he said. “And…I think I want you to know.” Looking down at his feet, he spoke up again. “It’s like…millions of sharp needles piercing your skin everywhere at once. And that’s just when you begin to feel the change. After that…it’s so…agonising. I can’t even describe it. It’s…mind-blowing. You can’t think, or move, or talk, or even cry. You just…I just…scream. A lot.” He laughed mirthlessly.  
  
“The change only takes a few seconds, but it feels like forever. It’s torture. Bones breaking, reshaping and reattaching themselves…Muscles changing, skin being stretched to infinity and beyond…your senses becoming sharper; a sudden thirst for blood…and then…nothing. I’m not there anymore. All that’s left is the wolf.”  
  
He looked up, staring Buffy straight in the eyes. “That second…right before I become…something else…is perfectly clear. Right after that…feral and crazed need for flesh - that’s the only moment during the entire transformation that I’m completely aware of _everything._ And every month – the only thought slipping through my mind each time that happens, is fear. I’m terrified, and I’m begging whoever’s out there, that when I wake up - when I return to myself; I won’t have killed – or worse – bitten - anyone.”  
  
Buffy didn’t know what to say. She’d had no idea. Had she even really wanted to know what it was like? When Oz transformed, back in Sunnydale, it had seemed nothing like what Remus had just described. Oz didn’t even scream, and the entire change seemed…smooth. Maybe it was different here? So many other things were.  
  
Shuddering, she leaned her forehead against Remus’. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, not knowing what else to do. What could you do? Nothing she said would change what Remus went through every month. It was a miracle he wasn’t insane. She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close. Remus returned her embrace, burying his face in her hair, inhaling her scent. It was calming.  
  
“We should probably head off to bed,” he muttered, pulling away from Buffy’s hug reluctantly.  
  
“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, squeezing his hand and standing up, heading for the girls’ staircase.  
“I love you,” Remus suddenly blurted out, as Buffy reached the top of the stairs. Ducking her head shyly, she turned to look at Remus, still sitting by the fire, smiling, biting her lip and blushing slightly. She wasn’t ready to say it back. Not yet…they’d only been together for less than a week…but maybe sooner than she’d thought she would. Remus was smiling back, eyes gentle, seemingly understanding without words. “I just wanted you to know,” he mumbled softly. “Goodnight.”  
  
“Goodnight,” Buffy echoed.

* * *

 **2 November**  
  
The Gryffindor common room had been filled with colourful banners, balloons, swirling streamers and balls of light in red and gold were bopping in the air. A table had been expanded beneath the window, and on it were several bowls of candy, bottles of Butterbeer and Firewhisky, and in the middle a huge cake on which you could read in black icing (with a taste of liquorice); _‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIRIUS! 18 YEARS TODAY!’_  
  
The birthday boy in question was sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by several funny wrapped presents, wearing a red and gold party hat, grinning at the gift he’d just opened from James.  
  
“Dungbombs! Thanks, mate! I used up my last one not too long ago!”  
  
“It’s stronger than usual,” James informed him. “Zonko’s have been experimenting and these are prototypes they threw away. It corrodes on its surroundings if you use enough of it, so they couldn’t get permission to sell it because it was deemed too dangerous.”  
  
“Wicked!” Sirius exclaimed, a gleam in his eyes as he hugged the package of dungbombs towards his chest as though it was the most precious thing in the world. “How ever did you get them?”  
  
James smiled (in what he hoped was a mysterious way, but the truth is, it only looked smug). “I have my ways.”  
  
Lily rolled her eyes, knowing that, as Head Girl, she should confiscate those – and, as Head Boy, James really shouldn’t have brought them to Hogwarts at all. And since they were illegal to sell he probably wasn’t allowed to be in possession of them in the first place. But it _was_ Sirius' birthday…and, as reckless as the Marauders tended to be, she didn’t think they’d put anyone in danger. So, she sighed and decided to pretend she hadn’t seen them.  
  
“Open my present next,” Remus said, perhaps sensing Lily’s dilemma.  
  
“A book, Moony?” Sirius asked, voice filled with humour as he unwrapped the gift. “Why am I not surprised?”  
  
“Not just any book. I think you’ll actually enjoy this one,” Remus stated, smirking slightly.  
  
 _“1001 tricks even the most moronic dog can learn,”_ Sirius read. “Wow, thanks, Moony,” he said dryly. “I feel so loved.”  
  
The others sniggered, except Mandy, who simply looked confused. “I don’t get it. Do you have dog, Sirius?”

“Ah, no, not exactly,” Sirius said. “It’s an inside joke of sorts.”  
  
“Oh.” Mandy bit her lip. It wasn’t the first time she felt a bit like an outsider – the Marauders had known each other forever, and Lily and Buffy both seemed to fit in without any trouble. For Mandy, it was slightly harder to connect – at least with the guys. Maybe it was because she was a year younger, or maybe because she was a Ravenclaw. But then again, she hadn’t hung out with them very long.  
  
“Next present!” Sirius exclaimed. “Buffy, darling, do you have something for me?”  
  
Buffy threw him a present wrapped in last week’s Daily Prophet. “I didn’t have any wrapping paper. Sorry.”  
  
“It’s fine! It’s the inside that counts,” he winked at her, tearing apart the paper and holding up a large black t-shirt. On the front you could read _‘I’m a bad role-model and an insatiable dog in bed…’_ in large golden letters. “Thanks!” Sirius grinned happily. The Marauders, Lily, Mandy and Buffy all sniggered and Sirius stared at them in bewilderment. “What?”  
  
“Look at the back,” Buffy prompted, still sniggering.  
  
Shrugging, Sirius turned the t-shirt around and mock-scowled at his friends as he read what it said: _‘…for the sake of the world, have me neutered.’_ “Oh, ha, ha. You’re hilarious.” He sniffed. “I think I need something kind after this. Wormtail, hand yours over!”  
  
Peter gave him a badly wrapped present. “I didn’t know what to get you,” he said sheepishly, shrugging. “Hope you’re not too disappointed.”  
  
“It’s fine,” Sirius said as he held up the package of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans. “You can never have too much of Bertie.” To emphasise his point, he took an entire hand full of beans and threw it into his mouth, and immediately turned green as the many different – not to mention strange - flavours overwhelmed his taste buds. “Water!” He managed to choke out as he fanned himself with his hand, his eyes tearing up.  
  
“You’re such an idiot,” Remus muttered, opening a Butterbeer and giving it to the black-haired birthday child, who gulped it down gratefully.  
  
“But a sexy one,” Sirius, who had now recovered, added while winking at Mandy who snorted and gave him her present.  
  
“Here. I didn’t know what to get you either, but I hope you like it anyway.”  
  
Tearing into the paper like a child on Christmas, Sirius grinned widely, as he saw what was inside. “A leather jacket! Wicked cool!” He exclaimed, holding up the jacket, in worn out black leather. “I’ve always wanted one of these…” He stroked the fabric carefully, eyes shining. “If it wasn’t for the fact that you’d hit me, I’d kiss you!” He told Mandy, whose lips twitched in amusement.  
  
“Aren’t those very expensive?” Buffy wondered, remembering she’d seen one while she’d been shopping with Willow in Sunnydale, and had left the mall in distress and inner torment because she didn’t have enough money.  
  
“Sort of,” Mandy said. “But I found that one on second-hand. It was an impulse buy of mine, and not at all my style. And it’s way too large for me, though I suppose I could have shrunk it if I really wanted to use it. But it’s just been gathering dust at the bottom at my trunk. I thought Sirius might appreciate it more.”  
“You’ve got that right!” Sirius exclaimed, still grinning. “Well, I think I only have one left…Lily-kins, give me my present!”  
  
“I’ve asked you not to call me that!” Lily exclaimed. “If it happens again, I’ll hex you.”  
  
“Alright, alright,” Sirius said, grabbing the gift from the redhead. He smirked. “Lily-kins.”  
  
Lily’s eyes shot lightning and she made a motion to grab her wand, only to find it wasn’t there. Looking around in anger, her eyes fell on Buffy, who held it almost teasingly, out of her reach.  
  
“I’ll give it to you when you calm down,” she said. Lily lunged towards her, but Buffy, with her Slayer reflexes and strength, easily managed to hold her off, and Lily had to find herself defeated. Crossing her arms and pouting, she sat back down, regarding Sirius who was staring at Lily’s gift in confusion.  
  
“Eh…what is this?” He held up a colourful cube, seemingly put together from several small ones.  
  
“It’s a Magic Cube,” Lily explained. “It’s a mechanical Muggle puzzle of sorts.”  
  
“Muggle?” Sirius looked confused. “If it’s Muggle, how can it be magical?”

“It’s just a name, Sirius,” Mandy said. “I have one of those – they’re an excellent way to pass time, but very frustrating. I’ve managed to solve it once – though it was only through pure luck.”  
  
“Through pure luck?” Lily looked surprised. “You mean you haven’t figured out the basic algorithms that solves it yet? It’s actually very simple…”  
  
“Really?” Mandy looked interested. “You’ll have to show me.”  
  
“Hello?” Sirius waved a hand in front of their faces. “The confused birthday child here, trying to make contact! What are you talking about?” He gave the Magic Cube a look of distrust. “I’m failing to see what’s so great about this…”  
  
“Well, see all the smaller cubes and all the colours?” Buffy said, grabbing the cube and demonstrating, mixing the different colours. “By twisting and rotating them in different directions, you’re supposed to put them together so that, for example, all green coloured cubes are on one side of the cube, all white on the other and so on, until all sides are covered in different colours like it was from the beginning.”  
  
Sirius blinked. “Oh.” He shrugged arrogantly. “Well, it can’t be that hard!” He grabbed the cube from Buffy and started to twist. His frown deepened. And deepened. And deepened some more as he glared at the cube. “I think it’s damaged or something,” he pouted and shook it.  
  
Mandy sniggered. “I told you it was frustrating.”  
  
Now when all the presents had been opened, the rest of the Gryffindors joined in the actual party. The cake was eaten (and thrown), balloons were popped and music played on the highest volume on the Wizarding Wireless. Firewhisky and Butterbeer were gulped down in heaps until early in the morning hours (though they had quite a scare when McGonagall appeared in the room a few minutes before midnight and everyone had quite the trouble hiding the alcohol and their states of inebriation) when most of the guests finally succumbed to sleep.

* * *

 **Published:** 01/09 -13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Halloween feast at Hogwart.


	13. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**3 November**

“Ugh,” Mandy sat up behind the couch clutching at her head and staring around in confusion. What was she doing in the Gryffindor common room? Slowly, the night before came back to her: Sirius’ party, the present opening, dancing, drinking…and passing out.

“Here,” a soft voice said, and Mandy peered up at Lily who was holding out a goblet filled with steaming liquid. “Hangover potion,” she explained. “You’ll need it to get through the day.”

“Me and everyone else,” Mandy muttered, gratefully swallowing the foul tasting potion. “How ever did you manage to mix that up? Didn’t you have a headache?”

“I didn’t get nearly as drunk as you guys,” Lily said. “And, I actually had the foresight to brew it before the party and then I put it under a stasis charm. Experience has more than taught me what the Marauders’ parties are like. Usually, I let everyone suffer though.”

“But not this year?”

“Nope.” Lily smiled. “Come on. Let’s get down to breakfast.”

Mandy’s stomach did a flip flop and she groaned. “Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

* * *

As they entered the Great Hall, the two girls split up, Mandy heading over to the Ravenclaw table, clutching her stomach and moaning, while Lily walked over to her table where the others were already sitting, none of them touching their food.

“Morning!” She said brightly, but was met by grunts and looks that could kill. Lily gave them amused looks. “You know you deserve this,” she said.

“Your hangover potion must have been faulty,” Sirius croaked. He had dark circles under his eyes and the smell from the food was making him look even greener than when he’d swallowed all the beans the previous evening.

“It was perfectly made, I’ll have you know,” Lily sniffed. “But my hangover potions don’t help against the nausea, only the headache. I have to let you face some sort of penalty,” she smirked.

“Oi, Pete,” an ill-looking James said, nudging Peter, whose face had fallen into his bowl of porridge, “do you want to come with me to Madam Pomfrey?” He was met with a tired grunt.

“I don’t think going to Poppy is a good idea,” Remus – who, like Lily, had stopped drinking firewhisky early enough so he wouldn’t feel the consequences in the morning - said, folding up the Daily Prophet he’d been reading. “She’ll know at once your illness is because of partying, and then awaits the wrath of Professor McGonagall.”

“I think I prefer her wrath, actually,” Buffy, who was blearily staring into her extra strong and extra large cup of coffee, and murmurs of agreement followed from the other Gryffindors who’d been at the party.

“Suit yourself,” Remus shrugged, placing a kiss in her hair, before standing up. “Well, I’m off to Arithmancy. Are you coming, Lily?”

“Sure,” Lily said, swallowing the last bite of her sandwich and standing up. “We’ll see you later guys.”

Grunts and moans were the only answer.

* * *

Sirius left the dungeons before his friends after the final class – Potions – rang out for the day. Remus, Buffy, Lily and James had remained behind. Remus and Buffy’s cauldron had exploded and they were cleaning up the mess, while Lily spoke to Slughorn about an essay, James lingering in the doorway, waiting to escort her back to the tower: He was so whipped – and they weren’t even dating (yet).

Yawning sleepily, Sirius made his way back to Gryffindor tower, already thinking of his soft bed and an entire afternoon of sleep. His head had started to pound again a bit after lunch (the fact that he didn’t manage to eat anything might have had something to do with that), and his vision was slightly blurry – several times he had almost walked into a wall, and, he’d somehow managed to crash into a suit of armour, and therefore, he now had a black eye to show for it.

The next thing he crashed into, however, was not a suit of armour, nor was it a wall.

“Watch where you’re going you piece of shit!” A voice, which was all too familiar, yelled out, and Sirius was suddenly wide awake. 

“Sorry, Reggie,” he said, not sounding sorry at all. “You’re so small; I must have missed you.”

Regulus Black, Sirius younger brother, angrily brushed away some imaginary dust from his green and silver striped tie. “Yeah, well, maybe you need glasses,” he sniffed haughtily. 

“Maybe,” Sirius agreed mildly, his eyes softening. “Hi, Reg.”

Regulus didn’t return his greeting. “What happened to your eye?” He asked shortly. “Did you run into a suit of armour or something? I thought I heard a crash back there.” He did his best to sound conceited, though it sounded forced. He was rubbing his left arm with a frown on his face, looking rather pale.

“I stole the wife of a vampire overlord,” Sirius deadpanned. “He wasn’t very happy. Neither was she, for that matter.”

Regulus snorted. “Liar.”

“Always,” Sirius agreed, putting his hands in his pockets, putting all of his weight on the balls of his feet. “It was my birthday yesterday,” he said suddenly.

“I know,” Regulus said, stopping his rubbing and instead crossed his arms. “Congratulations, I suppose.” He seemed to hesitate. “Did mother send you something?”

“Yeah, but the package smelled really suspicious and then it started to smoke, so I thought it was best to throw it into the fire,” Sirius shrugged.

Regulus’ lips twitched slightly, as though he was about to smile, but then, his eyes hardened again. Stretching himself to his fullest height, he looked at Sirius as though he was something contagious. “You’ve only got yourself to blame,” he snapped. “Traitorous Mudblood lover!” he snapped. 

Sirius tensed. “So we’re back to the insults and name calling already? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. And don’t call Mandy a Mudblood!” he snapped.

Regulus blinked, and for a moment he looked confused, until it seemed like he came to a realisation. “Mandy? Who in the bloody hell is Mandy?”

Sirius flushed, realizing Regulus had just meant his words as a general insult – it wasn’t pointed at someone special – which meant he’d now given his younger brother more ammunition to eventually use against him. “Oh.” He quickly recovered. “Yeah, well, it was still an insult. You shouldn’t go around saying such things, Reg.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “I’ll say whatever the hell I want. And you have no right to act like we’re brothers anymore. You lost that right when you abandoned our family!”

Sirius sighed tiredly. “I don’t recognize you anymore” he said quietly. “Who are you? Do you even know that yourself?”

“I know I’m not a blood traitor.” Regulus eyes shot lightning. “I’m loyal to my family. You should be ashamed of yourself, Sirius. _I_ am ashamed of you.”

“Well, that’s too bad, I suppose. Does it make you feel better to know the opinion’s mutual?” Sirius wondered.

Regulus glared hatefully, all civility between the brothers now gone. An evil smirk appeared on his face. “Mandy, huh?” He asked. “Could it be Mandy Walker? You always seem to hang around her nowadays. Much longer than all your previous girlfriends…or should I say, _shags?”_

Sirius wanted to retort something sarcastic, in the style of _‘been watching me, have you? Well, if that turns you on, be my guest, though personally, I’m not a fan of incest,’_ but the answer got stuck in his throat as he suddenly felt himself grow worried for Mandy.

His worry must have shown, because his little brother’s eyes grew even more vindictive.  
“Can it be you actually care about her?” He mocked. “Sirius Black, man-whore, has been tamed by a Mudblood.” He cocked his head to the side. “I wonder what she tastes like.”

Sirius made a lunge for his brother, but found himself held back by a spell.

“Need help, Regulus?” A silky voice said, making it very clear to Sirius who it was that was standing behind him.

“No, I’ve got everything under control, Severus, but thank you,” Regulus answered. “Just a little family dispute, nothing to worry about.”

Snape walked over to stand by Regulus’ side, his wand still pointed at Sirius, who glared hatefully at the greasy-haired, hook-nosed man. “Let go of me, _Snivellus._ This is between me and my brother.”

Snape ignored him. “Did I hear the name Mandy Walker? Is Black, do I dare say it - _in love?”_ He drawled.

“Yes,” Regulus said gleefully. “We should do something about it, don’t you agree?” He was speaking to someone behind Sirius shoulder, and the Gryffindor’s grey eyes widened as Aiden McBlake and Anthony Hemingway, both Beaters on the Slytherin Quidditch team, came into view, joining Regulus and Snape.

“We definitely do,” Hemingway said, smirking. “Mandy Walker, huh? She’s pretty enough, I suppose, Mudblood or not. I don’t see any trouble with… _having a little fun.”_

Sirius started to struggle against the spell that was holding him, to no avail. “Don’t you dare touch her!” He yelled.

The Slytherins’ laughed. “I don’t think Black is of the same opinion,” Snape said lazily. “Maybe a lesson in _humility_ …would work better. I seem to remember a day in our fifth year…” His eyes narrowed. “You and James Potter – “ he spat out the name, “had a lot of fun in embarrassing me in front of the entire school.”

“Oh, yeah!” McBlake laughed. “I remember that! _Who wants to see me pull off Snivellus’ pants,_ wasn’t it?”

“Shut up!” Snape hissed, clenching his fists hard around his wand, trembling slightly with anger. He turned his attention back to Sirius who was staring at him rebelliously.

“This isn’t as public,” Snape said. “But it will do.” He twirled his wand, and Sirius suddenly found himself hanging upside down, and he fought down a wave of nausea – the consequences of his drinking now came back with vengeance and he felt himself choke slightly on some bile. At least there was something bright to this situation – since it was November, he was wearing jeans – not only underpants, like Snape had done that day (not that the Slytherin would have ‘lowered himself’ to wearing jeans either way).

Snape raised his wand. “Who wants to see me pull off Sirius Black’s pants?” He drawled.

_‘Oh, shit,’_ Sirius thought. It seemed like Snape was planning on full blown revenge – hanging him only upside down wasn’t enough – he actually planned to remove his clothing! That wasn’t fair! He and James had stopped after Lily left – the threat to remove his pants had been just that – a threat! But it seemed that little detail didn’t matter. 

Still, Sirius took some comfort in knowing with complete certainty that his bits were bound to be a lot prettier than what Snape’s would have been. Or anyone’s for that matter. (That wasn’t bragging – it was stating a fact)

Sirius glared angrily at Snape, who only smirked. To his credit, Regulus was looking slightly uncomfortable, but did nothing to help him. _‘At least it’s something,’_ Sirius thought, though it didn’t help his situation much.

Snape raised his wand some more, and he opened his mouth, and Sirius closed his eyes, preparing for the spell to hit, banishing – or vanishing, depending on how vindictive Snape felt like being.

However, it never came. Instead, a loud voice yelled.

“SEVERUS! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!”

Sirius opened his eyes, only to see Snape lower his wand with a jerk and Sirius fell down into a large heap on the floor, hitting his head on the cold cement.

Lily Evans, her red hair wild, green eyes shooting lightning, walked up to him, hands on her hips and glaring at Snape, who positively looked terrified, and actually somewhat ashamed.

Sirius felt himself be helped up by someone – Remus – and he swayed slightly, moaning as he clutched his stomach. 

The other Slytherins – including his brother - were drawing their wands – only to find James, Buffy and Remus, who had now let go of Sirius, had done the same. The six students glared at each other hatefully, none of them lowering their wand a single inch. 

Lily’s attention, however, was fully on Snape. “Well?!” She snapped.

“L-Lily, I – “ Snape stammered.

“No excuses!” Lily interrupted harshly. “I knew you’d decided to side with _their_ views,” she jerked her head towards the other Slytherins, “but I never thought you’d actually become them – sink to their level!” She looked disappointed.

Snape’s eyes widened. “I didn’t – I haven’t!” He gasped, looking at the redhead with regret. It was a rather pitying sight, actually – Snape was so much taller than the short redhead, but it was clear Lily was the one in charge of the situation. Then again, Lily did look rather scary. “I haven’t done anything to him!”

“Other than hang him upside down and try to remove his clothing, you mean?” Lily said coldly.

Snape’s black eyes flashed. “Correction then,” he snapped. “I haven’t done anything to him that he hasn’t done to me. Remember? A summer day, by the lake, Potter and Black, me in the middle…”

“So that’s what this is about?” Lily spat. “Revenge? Merlin, that’s pathetic! Grow up! They have!” She pointed at James and Sirius. “Mostly anyway,” Lily added. “Let go of your childhood grudges before they consume you, Severus, please!” Her voice and eyes softened slightly. “It already destroyed our friendship – will you let it destroy you too?”

“They never apologized!” Snape almost yelled, desperation in his voice. “Lily, please, understand…”

“I am sorry for what I did to you,” James said calmly, not taking his eyes off of Hemingway. “But I doubt it matters.”

Snape’s sneer was answer enough.

Lily sighed. “It’s not about who’s right or wrong either, is it?” She said sadly. “It’s about getting one over James and Sirius. About being more _powerful._ That’s all you care about, isn’t it, Severus? Power?”

“That’s not true!” Snape protested. “I care! I care about…I care about _you!”_

Lily’s look was one of pity. “I wish I could believe you. A small part of me actually _does_ believe you…”

Snape’s look turned hopeful.

“ – but it doesn’t matter. Because you have a very strange way of showing it. And, as much as you say you care about me – _believe_ you care about me – you care about that power more.” 

Snape seemed to crumble on himself.

“And until you change your ways,” Lily sighed, “until you become the kind and wonderful and sweet boy I once knew – a boy who didn’t think being a Muggleborn mattered – “

The Slytherins and James drew sharp breaths of surprise – Sirius would have too, if it weren’t for the fact that he’d probably throw up if he did – he was still feeling rather sick.

“Until I can recognize the boy who told me I was a witch, the boy who told me all about the Wizarding World in you – it won’t matter.”

Snape gulped, and his eyes looked strangely glassy, his fists clenching and unclenching.

“We were friends, once,” Lily finished silently. “But because of your choices, we aren’t anymore. But I hope we can be friends again, Severus. Someday, when you realise – ” she blinked away some tears, “when you realise that those choices were – “

She took a shuddering breath, and abruptly turned around. “Let’s go.”

“Lily - ” James began. 

“Not now, James,” Lily snapped, and James wisely enough shut up.

Lowering their wands, Buffy, James and Remus followed Buffy, Sirius following in a slower pace.

“Are we just going to let them go?” He heard McBlake demand. “Just like that? That stupid Mudblood had no right – “

There was the sound of a slap and then a gasp of surprise. “Don’t. Ever. Call. Her. That,” he heard Snape say, threat in his voice. Then, there was the sound of a swivelling cloak, and fading footsteps, and Sirius realised Snape had left.

“Black,” Hemingway said, and for a second, Sirius thought he was talking to him, until his little brother answered: 

“Yes?”

“We’re just letting them go?”

“Yeah,” Regulus said, his voice low. “They’ll get what’s coming to them on the Quidditch pitch next Saturday. We’ll settle it then.”

“Yeah!” McBlake exclaimed, having recovered from Snape’s slap. “YOU HEAR THAT?” He yelled, and Sirius winced at the loud volume. “WE’RE GOING TO KICK YOUR ARSES AT THE GAME! JUST YOU WAIT!”

“IN YOUR DREAMS!” James yelled back. “JUST BRING IT ON, SLYTHERIN SCUM! OW!” Someone – presumably Lily – had slapped him.

* * *

**12 November**

If Mandy was confused over the fact that the marauders, Buffy and Lily were hovering over her like protective mother-hens during the following week, she didn’t show it, though it was clear she was getting annoyed. Sirius even insisted on following her to, and from, her every class, even if it meant coming too late or missing the ending of his own, something which didn’t sit well with the Ravenclaw. 

She had never been as grateful for the weekend as she was when the Saturday for the Quidditch game finally dawned, bright but fairly windy. Hopefully, it would divert her friends’ attention, but she soon realised it was not to be, when James and Sirius dragged her over to the Gryffindor table the second the entered the Great Hall for breakfast.

“A perfect day for flying, isn’t it great, James?” Michaela Duncan, Gryffindor Chaser said, grinning widely.

James, who was already dressed in his Quidditch-gear, just grunted. “Oi, Lorne!” He yelled, and Amanda Lorne, the Gryffindor seeker, now a third year, looked up from her breakfast.

“Yes, captain?” She saluted.

“Make sure you catch the Snitch quickly,” James ordered.

Amanda looked confused, as did the rest of the team. “Eh…James,” Ryan Samuelson, the new Chaser, said hesitantly, “no disrespect, but it’s the first game of the season…and excellent weather…wouldn’t it make more sense to make as many goals as possible? Gather up the points; give us a head start in the race for the cup?”

“Who’s the captain here?” James barked. “You, or me?”

“Eh, you…sir,” Ryan added meekly.

“That’s right. Eat your porridge and shut up.”

Sam Bryant and Nick Vandom, the two Beaters, sniggered. “That goes for you two as well,” James snapped, and their smiles slid off their faces like butter.

“James!” Michaela, who’d been on the team just as long, exclaimed. “What’s the matter with you? Ryan’s right! And it’s Slytherin – sure, Regulus is good, but Amanda is better. And the rest of the Slytherin team are all brawn and no brains.”

James sighed. “Just trust me on this. If we don’t want this game to turn into a bloody massacre, Amanda better catch the Snitch quickly. The Slytherins will use their brawn today.”

“Oh, great, James!” Nick groaned as he realised what he meant. “Why did you have to go and piss them off for? Remember the Quidditch pact? _No one picks fights with the opposite team the week before the game! Especially not Slytherins!”_

“I didn’t pick a fight with them!” James protested. “I was an innocent bystander! Lily was the one fighting! Well, yelling, really.”

The Quidditch team snorted in disbelief. “Yeah, right…” They trailed off when they saw Lily was looking very uncomfortable, and was trying to make herself as small as possible.

“You mean it’s true?” Sam looked delighted. “Wow, I never thought you had it in you, Evans! James must be a bad influence!”

“Oh, lay off of her,” Buffy said. “And James? Innocent bystander? If I’m not wrong, I’m pretty sure you were the one yelling at them to _‘bring it on.’_ ”

“Yeah,” Remus agreed. “And that’s not even mentioning the _‘we’re going to kick your arses’ remark.”_

“And the _‘Slytherin scum’_ insult,” Peter piped up.

“Now this, I can believe,” Nick spoke up.

James had grown slightly red. “It doesn’t matter,” he muttered, embarrassed. “What matters is that Amanda catches the Snitch, and fast.” He narrowed his eyes at Amanda, who edged away slightly as it made him look rather constipated. “Can you do that?”

“Yes, sir!” Amanda grinned. “No problem!”

It turned out to be easier said than done, however, as the Snitch proved to be very evasive. It had only shown itself once during the so far two and a half hour long game, and, just as Amanda was about to grab it, one of the Slytherin Beaters had sent off a Bludger that would have smashed her head into a bloody pulp, if Sirius, who was commenting, hadn’t yelled out a warning at the last second, making her duck. That, however, had given the Snitch time to disappear out of view again.

The game was turning into a nightmare. The Gryffindor Keeper, Gregory Morgan, was new, and though he had shown himself very good at practices, his nerves were showing, and he was letting more goals past than James, Michaela, and Ryan – who also was inexperienced – could score. And while James was great, and he and Michaela worked excellent as a team after years of playing together, the Slytherins knew this, and sent almost all their Bludgers at them, giving them less of a chance to notch up the points.

The Bludgers came so hard and fast, at the Gryffindor Chasers and Amanda, Nick and Sam couldn’t always manage to send them back fast enough. Not to mention that, as good Nick and Sam were, they didn’t have the Slytherin Beaters’ strength, and they were tiring. Plus, the fact that McBlake and Hemingway were pissed off since the incident in the dungeons gave them an advantage too.

“AND IT’S POTTER TO DUNCAN, AND DUNCAN TO SAMUELSON, AND BACK TO DUNCAN – WATCH OUT FOR THAT BLUDGER! – DAMN IT! SHE DROPPED IT, AND IT’S INTERCEPTED BY KIRK, WHO PASSES TO HER BROTHER, THE OTHER, THE UGLIER KIRK…WHO SCORES. GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME MORGAN!” Sirius commented, sounding upset. Usually, it was _a lot_ more colourful, but his enthusiasm had waned slightly during the long course of the game. “ONEHUNDREDANDFIFTY TO FOURTY, IN SLYTHERIN’S FAVOUR.” It sounded like he’d swallowed something foul as he revealed the score. 

Soon, it wouldn’t matter if Amanda caught the Snitch. If the Slytherins continued this way, they might still lose. Gryffindor didn’t even get many penalty throws, because the green and silver coloured team were breaking the rules a lot less than usual, strangely enough. Or maybe not so strange – Slytherin wanted to humiliate Gryffindor – prove that they were better even without cheating. And they were succeeding.

James called a time-out, and the Gryffindor team landed morosely, sweaty, tired and looking as though they had the world on their shoulders. The Slytherins were smirking at them.

“I don’t get this!” Michaela exclaimed, clutching her left hand to her chest – the last Bludger must have hit it, because it looked badly bruised and swollen. “They’re crushing us! How? Ours is the better team!”

“You mean it _was_ the better team last year,” Gregory said bitterly. “Let’s face it – I suck. And no offence to Ryan, but he’s new too. Slytherin still has its old team.”

The other players mumbled their agreements and looked morosely at James, who stared at them with his jaw hanging open.

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” James spat out, rising to his full height. “HOW DARE YOU COMPLAIN?!” He raised his arms in despair. “I HAVEN’T TRAINED YOU, RUN YOU TO THE GROUND, AND PUSHED YOU ‘TIL YOU DROPPED AND BEGGED FOR MERCY, ONLY SO YOU CAN GIVE UP AS SOON AS IT GETS A LITTLE ROUGH!” 

He glared. “I have spent hours at strategies, hours lying awake at night going over every possible scenario, and hours practicing with you on the pitch. This is my last year, and I am not giving up! We’re Gryffindors, damn it! Where’s the pride? Where’s your courage? We are not going to let slimy Slytherin get the better of us, now, are we?”

“James is right,” Michaela agreed. “We can still win this. Sam, Nick, you’re not new – and you’ve managed to hold off McBlake and Hemingway with no trouble last year, and the year before that – I don’t see why it’s suddenly so difficult.”

“Usually, the games don’t go on for this long,” Sam breathed heavily, sitting down on the grass. “And they’re using more force. You said it yourself, James - all brawn.”

“Alright,” James said through gritted teeth. “Alright. The next time you get the Bludgers, just try to send them back and forth between you two as much as you can, unless Regulus is near the Snitch or we need emergency help – don’t give them a chance to get near them. You’re lighter than them – you can out fly them no problem.”

Sam smiled weakly. “We’ll try, boss.”

“There is no try! Do, or do not,” James said. “What’s it going to be?”

“We’ll do it,” Nick assured him. “We won’t let you down.” 

James nodded sharply. “That’s more like it. Greg,” he turned to their Keeper, “I know you’re new, and I know this game is probably not what you expected – “

The sixth year snorted. “That’s an understatement…”

“BUT I WILL NOT LET THE FACT THAT YOU CALL YOURSELF A BEGINNER RUIN OUR GAME!” James yelled and Gregory jumped in shock. “I understand you’re nervous – I was too, but if you let the fact that you’re new become some sort of excuse for doing bad, you’ll never try hard enough to not miss the next time. Do your best, but if you let one goal past you, don’t focus on that – focus on the next. See it as just another practice. Alright?”

“Alright,” Gregory sighed, but he looked slightly more determined.

“The same goes for you, Ryan. Let me and Micha take the lead and do your best – if you feel safer letting us try and score, pass the Quaffle to us, but I’d really like you to try and score some too.”

“I’ve missed every time!” Ryan protested.

“Yeah, well, I missed almost every goal my first game too,” James lied easily (in truth, he’d scored each time he’d tried). “Confidence comes with practice and experience, but if you never try to score, how can you get better?”

“Is it true?” Ryan asked, sounding surprised. “You missed almost every goal? But you’re so good!”

Michaela bit her lip, trying not to laugh.

“I know,” James said arrogantly, beaming. “Micha,”

“Yes?” Michaela said, giving James an amused look.

“Is that hand going to give you trouble?”

“I only need one hand to score,” Michaela said lightly. “I’m fine.”

“You sure? I can ask for Madame Pomfrey. You won’t fall off?”

“No,” Michaela assured him. “My left is good enough to grip my broom with if needed - Chasers never use their hands much for that anyway – we use our legs. What do you think my leg muscles are for? Show?”

“It’s a very fine show,” Nick muttered, low enough so only Sam could hear. He grinned.

“I know,” James said brightly. “I’m a Chaser too, remember? And the better one.”

“I’m prettier,” Michaela deadpanned, not letting his comment get to her, knowing from experience that it was all in good fun.

James grinned. “Just making sure. Amanda!”

“Yes, I know,” the small Seeker said. “Catch the Snitch as soon as possible,” she recited dutifully.

“No,” James corrected. Amanda blinked.

“Huh?”

“No,” James repeated. “The thrashing Slytherin has given us needs to come to an end. We need to up our score if we want a chance at the Cup. If you see the Snitch, cut off Regulus from it. And if not, do whatever feint or trick you have to in order to put him out of the game. Hell, put him in the Hospital Wing for all I care, just try not to break too many rules. Well,” he paused. “Break them, just don’t do it in front of the referee. All I ask is to not get us disqualified.”

Amanda grinned, looking positively feral as she rubbed her hands together. “It will be my pleasure.”

The whistle blew, signalling the end to the time-out.

“OI, POTTER!” Damian Hendrickson, the third Chaser and the Slytherin Captain, yelled, smirking. “YOU SURE YOU DON’T WANT TO FORFEIT? IT WOULD SAVE YOU THE HUMILIATION!”

“YOU WISH!” James yelled back, mounting his broom, quickly followed by the rest of his team. And the game began again.

From the start, it was clear to everyone watching that the Gryffindor team seemed to have been reborn. James immediately caught the Quaffle, flying towards the Slytherin goal posts…and scored. A cheer went up in the Gryffindor stands and his goal seemed to be some sort of signal to the rest of the red and gold players.

They flew faster, more beautifully, more focused and better than ever before: Sam and Nick were hitting the Bludgers between them back and forth over the pitch, as if it was a very fast game of tennis instead of a Quidditch match, and neither McBlake nor Hemingway managed to even get close.

“AND THE WIND HAS TURNED, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!” Sirius yelled with new vigour. “VANDOM AND BRYANT HAVE TAKEN POSSESSION, AND CONTROL, OF THE BLUDGERS, AND POTTER AND DUNCAN SEEM TO HAVE GOTTEN THEIR PLAY BACK IN ORDER, WORKING AS THE WELL-OILED MACHINE WE KNOW THEM AS! AND – WOOHOO! LORNE, I LOVE YOU! TOO BAD IT DIDN’T WORK!” 

Amanda had dived towards the ground, pretending to have seen the Snitch, Regulus following. It was only at the last second she turned back up, and only the fact that Regulus had a better broom saved him from crashing. He looked furious. 

“AN EXCELLENT WRONSKIE FEINT PULLED BY AMANDA LORNE, PEOPLE! IF IT WEREN’T FOR THE FACT THAT BLACK – WHO I AM ASHAMED TO SAY IS MY BROTHER – MANAGED TO BRIBE MY BITCH OF A MOTHER TO BUY HIM A TOP OF THE MARKET BROOM, HE WOULD HAVE BEEN BITING THE DUST – SORRY – GRASS!”

McGonagall gave him a disapproving look, but said nothing, too pleased over the fact that Gryffindor was taking control of the game.

“DUNCAN PASSES TO SAMUELSON, SAMUELSON TO POTTER, POTTER FLIES AHEAD…HE’S ABOUT TO SCORE…NO, HE PASSES TO SAMUELSON – A PERFECT REVERSE PASS, JAMES – AND SAMUELSON SCORES! ONEHUNDREDANDFIFTY TO SIXTY!”

Ryan looked surprised at his goal, then positively delighted. “DID YOU SEE THAT?!”

James just grinned, doing thumbs up. Michaela, in the meantime, intercepted the pass to the female Kirk from Roberto Cronwell, the Slytherin Keeper, flew black towards the goals…and scored, before Cronwell realised what was happening.

“AND DUNCAN SCORES! ONEHUNDREDANDFIFTY TO SEVENTY! GRYFFINDOR IS CATCHING UP, SLOWLY BUT SURELY! SHE’S NOT ONLY BEAUTIFUL, SHE’S TALENTED! YOU CAN RIDE MY BROOMSTICK ANYTIME, DUNCAN!”

Nick Vandom and Mandy gave Sirius death glares which he pretended to not see.

“CRONWELL PASSES TO KIRK – THIS TIME, SHE CATCHES IT – PURE LUCK, LAURA, BUT I SUPPOSE YOU NEEDED IT…”

Laura Kirk glared at Sirius angrily, and her distraction allowed James to steal the Quaffle straight out of her hands.

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” Her brother, Barrett, yelled frustratingly, chasing (no pun intended) after James.

“POTTER LITERALLY STEALS THE QUAFFLE FROM KIRK’S HANDS – CHEEKY, JAMES, BUT BRILLIANT! AND HE SCORES AGAIN! ONEHUNDREDANDFIFTY TO EIGHTY! AND LORNE HAS SPOTTED THE SNITCH!”

And the Snitch had appeared for a second time, and Amanda and Regulus raced for it. Amanda was closer, but Regulus’ broom was faster…he had almost caught up, when suddenly, Amanda slowed her broom to a quick and sudden stop, sliding sideways so the long side of her broom was blocking the way for Regulus, who had to brake too, so he wouldn’t crash into her.

“AND IN ANOTHER BRILLIANT MOVE, LORNE CUTS OFF BLACK’S WAY, INSTEAD OF CATCHING THE SNITCH – WHICH HAS DISAPPEARED AGAIN – I SUPPOSE THE LIONS ARE HUNGRY AND WANT TO UP THE SCORE.”

Regulus glared at Amanda, and as she was about to flow away, he grabbed the end of her broom, holding her back. “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING, YOU CRAZY BINT?!”

“AND IT’S A FOUL! FOUL BY THE SLYTHERIN SEEKER! A CLEAR BREAK OF RULES IN THIS APPEARANT USE OF BLAGGING…GRYFFINDOR SHOULD HAVE A PENALTY…AND THEY GET IT! I SUPPOSE POTTER IS THE ONE TO – NO, THEY LET SAMUELSON DO IT…COME ON RYAN! AND YES! HE SCORES AGAIN! ONEHUNDREDANDFIFTY TO NINETY! THAT MUST FEEL EXTREMELY GOOD FOR HIS CONFIDENCE! IT’S NOW OBVIOUS WHY HE WAS ACCEPTED ONTO THE TEAM! THE BOY’S GOT SOME MOVES!”

Ryan flushed with happiness, his eyes shining.

“CRONWELL PASSES TO HENDRICKSON – HENDRICKSON PASSES TO KIRK WITH THE BOOBS – SHE PASSES BACK TO HENDRICKSON…AND…HE MISSES! EXCELLENT SAVE BY GREGORY MORGAN, PEOPLE!”

Greg grinned, throwing the Quaffle to James, who made a long pass to Michaela, who waited until James came a bit closer, and then passed it back.

“POTTER ASCENDS SLIGHTLY – KIRK WITH THE ANATOMY THAT IS DECIDEDLY NOT FEMALE IS ON HIS TAIL – AND JAMES DROPS THE QUAFFLE – ON PURPOSE! DUNCAN CATCHES IT – BEAUTIFULLY EXECUTED PORSKOFF PLOY – DUNCAN PASSES TO SAMUELSON, WHO THROWS THE QUAFFLE OVER HENDRICKSON’S BIG HEAD…HIS HEAD ATTACHED TO HIS NECK, NOT THE ONE BETWEEN HIS LEGS, WHICH, FROM THE LOOK OF IT, IS RATHER SMALL…MAYBE AN ENGORGIO CHARM WOULD HELP…?”

“BLACK!” McGonagall snapped, finally having had enough. Hendrickson was red in the face, and he looked as though he wanted to beat Sirius bloody.

“Sorry. Eh, where was I? Oh, right – POTTER HAS THE QUAFFLE, AND HE SCOR – NO, HE FEINTS, AND THROWS AGAIN – AND SCORES! ONEHUNDREDANDFIFTY TO ONEHUNDRED! YOU MIGHT WANT TO START SHAKING IN YOUR OVER EXPENSIVE BOOTS, SLYTHERIN SNAKES! CRONWELL PASSES TO – WAIT! WHAT IS MCBLAKE DOING?!”

Higher up in the air, the match with the Bludgers continued, though it was now clearly not even close to tennis anymore. Sam Bryant was trying his best to keep Hemingway from hitting the Bludgers at the players below – alone, as Nick Vandom was being attacked by McBlake and his Beater’s bat, while doing his best to protect himself.

“IN A CLEAR, AND OFFENSIVE BREAK OF RULES, MCBLAKE SEEMS TO HAVE FORGOTTEN WE’RE PLAYING QUIDDITCH! HE’S FURIOUSLY ATTACKING VANDOM WITH HIS BAT, BEATING HIM BLOODY…SOMEONE STOP HIM!”

The game had come to a stop below, as everyone raised their heads to watch. Michaela covered her mouth with her hand, eyes wide in horror. Nick’s nose was bleeding badly, and one of his arms was hanging uselessly by his side, clearly dislocated. His eyes both looked swollen, and he was barely managing to hold onto his broom. Madam Smith blew her whistle and flew up to the Beaters, forcibly grabbing the bat from McBlake, and yelled at him.

“DISQUALIFIED! AND BANNED FROM PLAYING IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT! I’VE NEVER SEEN SUCH BRUTALITY! DISGUSTING! OFF THE PITCH WITH YOU, RIGHT NOW!”

McBlake flew off, not looking the slightest bit sorry, while Nick, who seemed to have trouble breathing, was helped to the ground by the Referee.

“AND WE’RE TAKING A SHORT BREAK FROM THE GAME WHILE GRYFFINDOR REPLACE THEIR BEATER, I DOUBT NICK CAN CONTINUE…” Sirius commented worriedly. “FOR ALL OF THOSE IN THE KNOW, SWITCHING PLAYERS DURING THE MIDDLE OF THE GAME IS USUALLY NOT ALLOWED. _HOWEVER,_ IF THERE IS IRREFUTABLE PROOF THERE HAS BEEN A CLEAR BREAK OF THE RULES IN THE FORM OF DELIBERATE SABOTAGE - WHICH CAUSES SEVERE INJURY TO A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE TEAM, AN EXCEPTION IS MADE, AS THE CASE IS HERE.”

The Gryffindor team landed, immediately surrounding a pale-faced Nick. Michaela sank to her knees beside him, and he squeezed her hand weakly, doing his best to smile. Some blood dripped down his jaw, which wasn’t strange as several of his teeth were missing and his lips had swelled up. Michaela smiled back shakily, stroking his hair.

Poppy Pomfrey pushed them away. “Move, people!” She snapped. “Merlin, I hate this game. Fun? Someday, someone will get killed, mark my words…and what has happened to your hand?”

“It’s nothing,” Michaela dismissed. “You can fix it later. Will he be alright?”

Madam Pomfrey did a quick wave with her wand. “Dislocated shoulder, a concussion, a broken nose, and the jaw’s cracked… several fractured ribs, one of them broken…yes, yes, child, he will be alright. I just need to get him to the hospital wing before the broken rib pierces his lung.”

She quickly hurried off, the stretcher floating beside her.

James, who had disappeared when Pomfrey showed up, now returned with Rory Rogers, their reserve Beater in tow. The fourth year was looking nervous, but determined.

“Alright, let’s finish this quickly now so we can go see Nick,” James said. “I don’t want to lose the points we gained this time around – no offence to you, Rory, but you haven’t practiced as much as Nick, nor are you as used to playing with Sam.”

“None taken,” Rory said, grinning. “I’m just glad I get to play.”

James smiled grimly. “Good. Amanda, the next time you see the Snitch, catch it.”

Amanda nodded sharply.

“Alright, let’s win this now, guys,” James said. “For Nick.”

“FOR NICK!” The rest of the team chorused and they rose on their brooms yet again.

“AND THE GAME HAS STARTED – SINCE MCBLAKE WAS DISQUALIFIED, SLYTHERIN WILL BE ONE PLAYER LESS FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE GAME, WHILE GRYFFINDOR CAN REPLACE THEIR BEATER. IN VANDOM’S PLACE, WE NOW HAVE THIRD YEAR RORY ROGERS, WHO IS, DESPITE HIS YOUNG AGE, SHOWING GREAT PROMISE AND WILL PROBABLY REPLACE NICK FOR GOOD NEXT AUTUMN, AS VANDOM GRADUATES THIS YEAR.” Sirius yelled as the Quidditch players took the air once again. 

“MICHAELA DUNCAN HAS THE QUAFFLE…AND SCORES! ONEHUNDREDANDFIFTY TO ONEHUNDREDANDTEN. WOW, SHE LOOKS PISSED. I WOULD TOO IF MY BOYFRIEND – WELL, GIRLFRIEND WOULD BE A MORE CORRECT TERM IN MY CASE – HAD BEEN PUT IN THE HOSPITAL WING. LUCKILY NOTHING TOO IMPORTANT WAS HIT, IF YOU CATCH MY MEANING – THAT WAS A HINT.”

McGonagall glared as Michaela flushed, passing the Quaffle to James. “POTTER HAS THE QUAFFLE…HE PASSES TO SAMUELSON…SAMUELSON PASSES TO DUNCAN, BUT THE QUAFFLE IS INTERCEPTED BY KIRK IN NEED OF A MAKE-OVER…HE PASSES TO HENDRICKSON, WHO PASSES TO KIRK WITH THE HEAVY MAKE-UP…AND SHE THROWS…AND THE QUAFFLE IS CAUGHT BY MORGAN. GOOD JOB! IT’S NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT, KIRK? WELL, I SUPPOSE PRETTINESS CAN’T MAKE UP FOR A TOTAL LACK OF TALENT…!”

Laura Kirk looked to be a mixture of furious and embarrassed.

“MORGAN PASSES TO POTTER, POTTER TO DUNCAN - DUNCAN FEINTS PAST HENDRICKSON – SHE PASSES BACK TO POTTER - HE SCORES – ONEHUNDREDANDFIFTY TO ONEHUNDREDANDTWENTY…BUT REGULUS HAS SEEN THE SNITCH,” Sirius cursed. 

The Snitch had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, much closer to Regulus than Amanda, on the other side of the pitch, who had no chance to catch up, though she tried. Regulus stretched out his hand…and had to pull back as a Bludger whined past. He looked up in anger, only to be met by Rory’s wide grin.

“AND AN EXCELLENT HIT BY RESERVE BEATER RORY ROGERS, RIGHT IN THE NICK OF TIME. A PARTY WILL AWAIT YOU IN THE COMMON ROOM, WITH ALCOHOL…Eh, I mean…butterbeer and pumpkin juice.” Sirius smiled weakly at McGonagall who was looking at him furiously. “I FORGOT YOU WERE UNDERAGE. ANOTHER TIME, PERHAPS?”

Amanda was closer now, but the Snitch was still closer to Regulus, who once again stretched out his arm…

CRASH!

“AND SAM BRYANT, HITTING THE BLUDGER BACK THE WAY IT CAME FROM AND RIGHT INTO THE SIDE OF MY BROTHER…AND HE FALLS OFF. IT’S NOT THAT HIGH, YOU’LL BE FINE,” Sirius said dismissively, but he still cast a worried glance at Regulus. They were brothers after all, and he did care what happened to him, as much as he wanted to pretend otherwise. And Regulus had been looking rather pale all week, now that he thought about it, and his left forearm was bandaged. Maybe he ought to pay more attention to his brother…?

“LIKE I SAID, NOTHING WRONG THERE.” Regulus had already remounted his broom, looking slightly dizzy, and he rose into the air quickly, but it was too late as Amanda’s hand closed triumphantly around the Snitch.

“AND AMANDA LORNE HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS WITH TWOHUNDREDANDSEVENTY TO ONEHUNDREDANDFIFTY - IN A MOST IMPRESSIVE DISPLAY OF DETERMINATION, TALENT AND UNDISPUTED SKILL, SHOWING THEIR WORTH WHEN IT WAS MOST NEEDED, I REPEAT: GRYFFINDOR WINS!”

[ ](http://i258.photobucket.com/albums/hh255/visionaryweb/RoadsTravelled/Walls/MWPP-era-GryffindorQuidditchTeam.jpg)

_The Gryffindor Quidditch Team, 1977-1978. Click on the picture for full view._

* * *

**Published:** 03/01 -14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Ed Westwick as Regulus Black.


	14. Sisters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

The Hospital Wing was quiet – too quiet. The sterile surroundings and bright white colours made Nick Vandom feel decidedly claustrophobic – it felt like the walls were closing in on him. How long had he been here? How long had it been since he’d been taken off the Quidditch pitch? Had the game ended? Did they win?

The doors slammed open with a loud bang, and James Potter entered, an arm lazily hanging around the shoulders of Amanda Lorne, who was proudly holding a Snitch. The rest of the Quidditch team followed, and in the doorway lingered Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Lily Evans, Mandy Walker and Buffy Summers. 

“Hi, Nick,” Michaela Vandom said with a tired smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I was almost beaten to death with a bat,” Nick said, but grinned. “Thank Merlin you’re here! The silence was killing me. I suppose from the look on your faces that we won?”

“Oh, yeah!” James exclaimed, ruffling an annoyed Amanda’s hair. “And what a victory. We avenged you well and good!”

“Two-hundred-seventy points to one-hundred-fifty,” Amanda said proudly. “And I brought you a souvenir.” She threw him the Snitch which he caught easily with his unharmed hand.

“I had no idea Quidditch was so brutal,” Buffy commented.

Sirius grimaced. “It usually isn’t that bad,” he said. “But Slytherin was in a decidedly bad mood today. You can count on cleaner games when we play Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw.”

“What is this?” A voice demanded to know, and Madam Pomfrey charged into the room from her office. “Stop this ruckus at once!” She gasped as she saw the Quidditch team clustered around Nick’s bed. “Look at you! Dirtying down my clean Hospital Wing with bacteria and grass and Merlin knows what else! This boy needs rest! And let me see that hand, young lady!” She snapped at Michaela, who quickly held out her swollen and bruised hand. The rest of the team had the grace to look slightly embarrassed but made no motion to leave.

“Well?” Madame Pomfrey continued, glaring. “The rest of you, shoo!”

The Quidditch team scattered like frightened chickens.

* * *

“So, your commentary was rather colourful,” Mandy said airily to Sirius who gave her a clueless look.

“Yes, it usually is,” he said slowly. “Or haven’t you been listening to it in the past?”

“No,” Mandy admitted. “I was always trying to tune you out. Not everyone enjoys listening to crude comments and bad language.”

Sirius shrugged. “Well, I say whatever I want. And if that includes a lot of insulting and comments about female attributes and some cursing or whatever, so what?” He paused. “Or are you jealous?” His eyes glittered teasingly. “Why? It’s not like we’re together or anything. You refused to date me, remember?”

“I’m not jealous,” Mandy snapped quickly – maybe too quickly, for Sirius gave her an amused, knowing look. “I just think it’s rather immature. We’re not in kindergarten.”

“No,” Sirius agreed mildly. “I know. No one in kindergaten would come up with sentences like that.” He grinned arrogantly. 

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” Mandy glared.

“Look, what is that bothers you, Mandy? Be honest now,” Sirius said, giving the Ravenclaw a solemn look. “Is it the crude language, or the fact that I’m flirting with other girls?”

Mandy’s silence was answer enough, and Sirius nodded knowingly. “That’s what I thought.” His look softened, and he put his arm around her waist, and for once, she didn’t remove it. “You know it’s all in good fun, right?” He said, actually sounding a bit worried. “I don’t mean anything by it – I told you that you’re the one I like, and the only girl I want to go out with, and that hasn’t changed. You’ve got nothing to worry about! But if you really want me to stop, I will.”

Mandy bit her lip. “No, it’s fine,” she finally said dismissively, sighing slightly. “I’m just being silly.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Come on. Let’s get to dinner, I’m starving.”

“A girl after my own heart,” Sirius said, his grave mood blown away at the mention of food, and he practically flew down the corridors, swinging Mandy like they were on a dance floor and the dark haired girl laughed. “Thinking with her stomach.”

* * *

The Quidditch team was already shoving down food as fast as they could, no respect for any manners whatsoever, when Sirius arrived, Mandy joining her own table. Lily wrinkled her nose in disgust. “You’re acting like this is your last meal on Earth!” She exclaimed, moving away from James.

“I’m an athlete!” James said between bites. “I need my strength.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but do you have to shovel in the food faster than you can chew, let alone swallow? It’s not like it will disappear if you slow down a little.”

James didn’t answer but instead swallowed a large gulp of pumpkin juice.

“An owl’s coming this way,” Buffy commented, looking up, and sure enough, a proud looking, white feathered owl was flying towards their table, a letter in its beak. “That’s strange. Doesn’t the owl post usually arrive at breakfast?”

“Yes, it does,” Remus said. “Unless it’s got some important message to be delivered right away…hey, isn’t that your owl, Lily?”

Lily tore her eyes away from James, who slowed down his eating to look up, along with Lily. “It is!” The redhead said. “It must be a message from home. Selene,” she told Buffy, “usually stays with my parents during the school year so they can get in touch with me. I can always use a school owl.”

Selene, which was the owl’s name, gracefully settled down on Lily’s outstretched arm, dropping the letter on the table and Lily stroked the owl’s sleek feathers lovingly. “Here you go,” she said, holding out a piece of bacon to her, which the owl accepted gratefully. 

Lily lowered her arm and Selene jumped onto the table, heading for Lily’s plate to serve herself some more food.

“Is it from your mum or dad?” Remus wondered. 

Lily had opened her letter and started to scour through it, a slight frown between her eyebrows.

“My mother,” she said. “She wants me to come home this weekend – my parents are throwing a celebration for my sister’s engagement…” She grimaced. “Though knowing Petunia, she’ll be happier if I decline.”

“Don’t you like your sister?” Buffy wondered out loud, and Lily sighed.

“She doesn’t like me.” 

“Oh. So what’s her fiancé like?” Sirius couldn’t help but wonder.

“I’ve never met him,” Lily admitted. “Petunia has always been too worried I’d scare him away with my…unnatural abilities. I suppose now that they’re engaged to be married, she feels more secure in their relationship. Anyway, I suppose I’ll have to go. I just have to tell McGonagall I’m leaving for the weekend, and get her permission.”

* * *

After dinner, Lily hurried up to her dorm so she could read her letter in peace, Selene, who was named after the Greek Goddess of the moon, flying alongside her serenely.

 _'Dear Lily,’_ the letter said, 

_‘I hope you are having a good time at Hogwarts, and aren't studying too hard, even though it is your last year. Knowing you, you are already reviewing for your end of the year exams. The reason I am writing is that Petunia has gotten engaged to Vernon Dursley, and we are throwing a party this weekend in their honour. I do hope you make it – it would mean a lot to me and your father._

_Vernon Dursley. I am not sure what I think of him. His father is a highly respected businessman, but I can't help but hope your sister would have found someone less...well,_ less _of everything. I know I should not speak ill of your sister's fiancé, but he is just too much. I just can’t understand what Petunia sees in him - other than the financial stability, of course._

_I know I should not judge Vernon so quickly, but nothing I have seen of the man has impressed me in the least. I pray you will have better judgement than your sister has when it comes to boys, when it is your time to settle down, though from the look of things, you don’t seem to be in any hurry._

_As your mother, I am supposed to be overprotective of you, and not encourage you to date, but you are a beautiful young woman, though you don’t seem to realise or – to be frank – care about that. There is more to life than books, and as I know you, Lily, you will end up an old maid unless someone pushes you in the right direction! I am certain there are many young men who would love to go out with you._

_Now, you are probably just as red as your hair and thinking I finally have lost it, but see, I have not. I would like to hold a grandchild in my arms before I die, and, as horrible as it may sound, I have a feeling any child of Vernon and Petunia will turn out less than pleasant._

_I am afraid I won't be able to write much longer, Lily, but I am expecting an answer. You haven’t written even once this year, which is surprising! I will hopefully see you this weekend, and then we can talk – well, gossip – about all the juicy details in your life._

_Love from_

_Mum.'_

Lily put down the letter, blushing, as she grabbed another parchment to write her answer on. Juicy details, really!

_'Dear mum,_

_Thank you for your letter. Everything is good here at Hogwarts, and no, I'm not studying 'too hard'. But I do study._

_Petunia and Vernon - engaged? Somehow, I'm not surprised. I guess it was only a matter of time – she’s always talking about him whenever I’m home. I'm not really sure what I think about this. What I’ve heard so far isn’t very impressive, but if he makes Petunia happy, I suppose I should be happy for her. I only hope she knows what she's doing, settling down with that 'respected businessman with more money than he knows what to do with.'_

_Hmm - I wonder. It will certainly be interesting to see the ‘precious’ Vernon Dursley with my own eyes this weekend – yes, I accept the invitation - for your sake, and for father, and for Petunia too, I suppose._

_Now, onto other notes - mum! You're right - I do think you finally lost it. Grandchildren? Honestly! Isn’t it a bit too soon to think about that? This is all highly embarrassing! Still, I am aware there is more to life than books, more so than ever:_

_This year, I have gained a close friend at last – Buffy Summers is a transfer student from America, and we have grown really close. I am also spending a lot of time with Mandy Walker, a girl from Ravenclaw, and Remus Lupin (you met him during the summer after my second year, remember, he came to visit? He is dating Buffy now), Sirius Black (it’s just a matter of time before he and Mandy become a couple), Peter Pettigrew, and – make sure you’re sitting down – James Potter._

_Yes, mother, the same James Potter I’ve always been whining about. He and his friends have been a lot less insufferable this year. I suppose he finally grew up. James has actually been really sweet, and he is no longer as arrogant or self-obsessed - but he can still be an insufferable toe-rag from time to time. He wouldn’t be James if he weren’t I suppose. But don’t get any ideas! We are_ not, _and I repeat,_ not _dating, nor will we ever, though the thought of it no longer makes me sick._

_James has really changed, and I guess when I looked under that arrogant shell, I found more than what I thought I would. James Potter is definitely more than he seems. Onto other notes, Severus (Snape – the son of Eileen and Tobias, at Spinner’s End) is still being an arse. He too, has changed, though I fear in his case, it’s for the worse…and he who used to be so kind! (Well, relatively, anyway…he never was very nice to Petunia, though that was mutual)_

_I’ll see you this Saturday,_

_Lily.'_

* * *

**19 November**

The Evans family lived in Inverness, a town in the north of Scotland, in a one story brick-house. Lily sighed as she knocked on the door, straightening out her skirt. She felt like a stranger around her own home! 

She was away at school for most of the year after all, except for the holidays – which they tended to spend in their summer home; a mill town in northern England, where Severus Snape also lived, and where she’d grown up. They’d only moved here four years ago, when her father was – finally! – promoted after several years of long hours, crappy duties, and an even crappier pay. And when she actually was home, she mostly kept to herself, in her room, since everything to do with magic made Petunia uncomfortable and hateful: 

She didn’t dare do her homework where Petunia might go, nor could she do it outside, in case the neighbours saw… And while she knew her parents loved her, and were proud of her, they were muggles, and didn’t completely understand…

The door opened, and Lily was immediately pulled into a warm hug by her mother. “Oh, Lily, you’re finally here!”

Lily grinned, and returned the hug. “Of course I am! Didn’t you get my letter?”

“Yes,” Marie Evans said, blue-green eyes twinkling brightly, her dark red hair held back in a messy bun. She had flour on her cheeks and she was wearing a white apron with red stripes. “It was very…revealing. We will have to talk later, but I am busy baking…” she trailed off. “Anyway, come in, sweetie. Your father, Petunia and Vernon are in the sitting room. You should join them.”

“Oh, no,” Lily said hurriedly, stepping inside and removing her coat. “I’d rather help you in the kitchen…”

“Nonsense!” her mother said. “You must say hello to your father and sister, and,” she added knowingly, ”it’s no use putting off your meeting with Vernon – it’s bound to happen sooner or later.”

Lily groaned, but dutifully entered the sitting room, trying not to let out a noise of disgust as her eyes fell on the large man sitting on the sofa, who could be none other than Vernon Dursley.

Vernon was big and beefy, with almost no neck, and a giant moustache. He was wearing a business suit and a grey, ugly tie. _This_ was the man Petunia wanted to marry?  
Petunia was sitting beside her fiancé, snuggled up against his side and fluttering her eyelids in what Lily suspected was supposed to be a seductive way.

“Lily!” Her father sounded relieved at her appearance and he stood up from his armchair.

“Hi, dad,” Lily said, tearing her eyes away from the nauseating sight, to greet her far more pleasant-looking father. Robert Evans was a green-eyed man with a strong jaw and strawberry blonde hair with a few speckles of grey. She nodded at Petunia. “Tuney.” 

“Lily,” Petunia said, voice sugar sweet. “How _pleased_ I am to see you! Vernon, my sister’s home!” She beamed, and Lily stared at her like she was crazy. Petunia stood up. “Lily, dearest,” she said, her voice still light. “I have something I need to show you, please come with me.”

Lily followed, bewildered. Had she fallen into some sort of alternate reality and she didn’t notice? It wasn’t unheard of – it had happened to Buffy, after all – or maybe her sister had been under some sort of spell? Or maybe Polyjuice…?

The moment they were out of sight and earshot, Petunia’s over pleasant look changed to one of bitterness, and her eyes hardened. “Now, you listen to me,” she hissed, glaring at her sister. “Vernon doesn’t know about your…freakishness, and it will stay that way if I have anything to say about it, or else…”

“Or else what?” Lily said tiredly, actually relieved her sister was back to her normal self.

Petunia glared. “Promise me to behave!”

“I always do,” Lily said calmly, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, for Heaven’s sake,” Petunia spat out, “stop fooling around. Just act _normal,_ for once in your life!”

“You know the definition of normal can be disputed,” Lily said amusedly. “What is normal, really? For me, being a witch is normal…”

“DO NOT utter that word in my presence,” Petunia shouted out, stomping her foot angrily. “You know what I mean! No m…m…ma-ma - oh, hell with it - none of that… _funny_ stuff.”

“You can’t even say the word, can you?” Lily’s voice was a mixture between sadness and despair. “Fine. No _magic_ – “ she stressed the word, “will be mentioned, or done, in your, or Vernon’s presence.”

“Good.” Petunia put on her sunny smile again, and led the way back to the sitting room, Lily following at a slower pace, her head shaking sadly.

* * *

The dinner was a torturous affair. Vernon was boasting on and on about everything that had something to do with his ‘perfect’ life, either not noticing, or not caring, about Lily and her parents’ smiles, which were looking decidedly more forced by the second. Only Petunia seemed to enjoy it.

“…I am very well prepared to take over my father’s company when he kicks the bucket, so to speak,” Vernon rumbled. “Smeltings has prepared me well for a life in charge, and, when the time comes, my son will go there too. I will take very good care of my little sugarplum,” he smiled widely at Petunia who gave him a sappy look of worship, something Lily had never seen, or ever wanted to see, appear on her sister’s face again.

Lily put down her fork, every bit of her appetite now gone, and her father choked on his wine.

“That’s excellent,” her mother forced out. “Where are you going to live?”

“Oh, you’ve got nothing to worry about in that regard!” Vernon chuckled. “I’ve already bought a lovely house in Surrey. In fact, Pet and I can move in as soon as we’re married.”

 _‘Pet?’_ Lily mouthed incredulously to her father, who just shrugged helplessly. That was worse than sugarplum! 

“Surrey, you say?” Marie said, smiling forcibly. “But it’s so far away…on the other side of the country…are you sure Petunia wouldn’t like something closer to home?”

“No,” Petunia said, smiling widely at Vernon, not sensing her parents’ distress. “Vernon showed me some pictures. It’s the prettiest little neighbourhood I’ve ever seen…that it’s far away from here doesn't bother me in the least! In fact, I wouldn’t care if it was on the other side of the planet, as long as I was together with Vernon. And Vernon’s parents are only an hour’s drive away!”

Lily gritted her teeth. Didn’t Petunia realise she was hurting their parents?

“I plan on buying a summer home in Majorca,” Vernon spoke up loudly, not being able to be silent any longer. “Petunia has told me about her wishes to travel abroad. Isn’t that right?”

Lily was very grateful he’d left out the pet-name this time.

Petunia nodded widely. “That’s right. I’ve never been out of the country,” she gave her parents a displeased look and Lily glared angrily at her sister. Their family had never been poor, but not very well off either, so vacations abroad had been something that could never even come into consideration, and Lily knew it was a sore spot with her parents. “I’m ever so pleased! I feel like Snow White, whose prince has come to take her away from a life of slavery.”

And Vernon was the prince? Lily snorted. That’s when the rest of her sister’s sentence sank in. _Slavery?_ What was that supposed to mean? Their parents had never treated them with anything other than love and respect!

“Is living here so bad, Petunia?” Her father asked quietly, before Lily could come with an input that would have surely been much ruder.

“Well,” Petunia had the grace to look embarrassed. “No, I didn’t mean that… I just meant that you don’t have much money… It’s not your fault, dad, I’m certain you’ve done your best, but - ”

CRASH!

The wine glasses and the porcelain vase with roses on the table exploded and everyone was covered in liquid. Lily’s jaw dropped. It had been ages since she’d done any accidental magic!  
Petunia let out a shriek when she saw her yellow dress had wine all over the front. “Look at my dress!” She yelled, jumping up. Her head snapped around and she glared at Lily. “You! How dare you?”

“Eh…sugarplum?” Vernon said, looking bewildered. “She didn’t do anything…I’m sure it was just the bad quality of the glasses – “

BANG!

The chair Vernon was sitting on broke with a loud smash, and the heavy man found himself sitting on the floor. Lily’s eyes gleamed wickedly, knowing it was her magic – which was now completely out of control, and she couldn’t really be sorry about it at all – who had caused the accident. Still, this was just too good of an opportunity to pass up.

“Oh, dear,” Lily said, putting her hand to her mouth in an over made gesture of shock.”I suppose our furniture is of bad quality as well… I mean, it cannot _possibly_ be because of your _weight!”_ It was a low blow, Lily knew that, but she was tired of Vernon’s attitude. To be honest, he deserved it.

“Lily!” Her mother gasped with a mixture of delight and horror.

“How dare you!” Petunia growled. “That’s my fiancé you’re insulting!”

“And those are our parents _you_ are insulting!” Lily yelled back, gesturing towards their parents. “Or are you so obsessed with yourself and _him_ that you don’t even care?”

Petunia’s face paled, and she pursed her lips together. “At least I’m not a _freak_ like you!” She hissed, clenching her fists. “You think you’re so special, don’t you? But you’re just an abnormal little devil’s spawn who shouldn’t even exist!”

“Petunia!” Their father snapped. “That’s enough!” 

Their mother looked like she was about to cry.

“Oh, just defend her, be my guest!” Petunia said with a sharp voice. “You always take her side! I knew it!”

Vernon, who had now recovered from his fall, stood up and put his hands on Petunia’s shoulders, quite red in the face. “Now, I know I’m a guest in your home,” he rumbled pompously, “but I will not have you upsetting my Petunia! And I demand to know what this is about! Pet,” he said soothingly, “why are you calling Lillian a freak? Sisters shouldn’t treat each other that way, unless…” He gave Lily a suspicious glare. “Is there something wrong with her?”

Petunia laughed nervously. “Wrong?” She said shrilly. “Nothing’s wrong with her! No, no, no…she’s perfectly _normal,_ thank you very much! No, no, nothing’s odd about her! What makes you say that?”

“But…” Vernon looked confused as he looked from one family member to the next. He scratched his head. “What you said…it sounded like there’s something _strange_ going on with her… And now when I think about it, the glasses…the vase…the _chair!_ Something _peculiar_ is going on here and I don’t like it! Not at all! What is going on, Petunia?” 

“Nothing!” Petunia protested while giving Lily a look that could kill. “Nothing to worry about, Vernon, dearest. It’s just…well, it’s rather embarrassing, actually…”

Lily’s eyes widened. Had Petunia decided to tell her fiancé the truth after all?

“...but since we’re getting married…since you’re to be a part of the family, I suppose you deserve to know… To my great sorrow and shame,” Petunia said mournfully, “my sister is not… _quite right up there_ if you know what I mean.”

Lily’s jaw dropped and hers and Petunia’s parents looked as if they couldn’t believe their ears.

“She can’t help it,” Petunia rambled on. “But she’s getting professional council. She goes to a mental asylum for the troubled, you see. That’s why you’ve never met her before. She has to stay there for most of the year, and we have to get special permission from her doctors to even take her home. She’s usually locked up – for her own good, of course, and ours as well, I suppose – she’s very disturbed.”

“PETUNIA!” Marie Evans clutched her heart. “How can you say something like that?”

“So I’m disturbed, now?” Lily said calmly, though her voice was shaking. “You are such a liar. It’s pathetic. Only because you’re jealous and can’t accept the fact that – ”

“Vernon!” Petunia cut in, clutching his suit. “Whatever comes out of her mouth next, don’t believe her! Like I said, she’s mentally ill!”

“ – can’t accept the fact that I’m a witch,” Lily continued. “So there you have it, Vernon Dursley. I’m a _witch,_ who can do magic – ”

Petunia let out a quivering laugh. “See? She’s _completely_ insane. A total _nutter.”_

“…And I can prove it,” Lily finished calmly.

“Alright, that’s it, Vernon, we’re leaving!” Petunia snapped out, trying to push Vernon out the door, which was rather difficult due to his size.

“Let me demonstrate,” Lily said smoothly, pulling out her wand from her sleeve. _“This_ is my wand. And with it, I can do… _this,_ for example,” she said and pointed her wand at the tea-cups on the table, and they turned into a rats which immediately scurried down and started to munch on the cookie crumbles.

Vernon let out a shout of fright, jumping backwards. Petunia whimpered.

“And this,” Lily added, pointing her wand at the chair, vase and glasses, one after one, and they immediately repaired themselves. “And this,” she finished, tapping her wand against table, which started to move and tap-dance.

“Well,” Lily said pleasantly, and with another flick of her wand, the table and rats turned back to normal. “It was a _right pleasure_ meeting you, but I’m afraid I must cut my visit short. I want to get back to the _mental asylum_ as soon as possible,” she said dryly. “Which is in actuality called _Hogwarts,_ and is a _school for Witchcraft and Wizardry._ Mother, father,” she nodded at them sadly, “it was nice seeing you, and I hate to leave so suddenly – we never did get to speak, but I think this is for the best.”

She turned gracefully on the spot and vanished with a crack.

Vernon Dursley stared at the location she had occupied a second previously, his mouth opening and closing like a fish, before his eyes rolled up in his head and he fainted.

* * *

“I shouldn’t have done that. Oh, I _really_ shouldn’t have done that,” Lily moaned to herself as she left the Apparition spot in Hogsmeade and made her way back up to the castle. It was beginning to darken, and Lily shuddered in her thin clothes from the cold and she quickly swished her wand in the motion of a heating charm. Twice, she was well on her way to turn back to Hogsmeade, in order to Apparate back home and apologize, but both times, she lost her nerve.

The corridors were empty and silent, most of the portraits sleeping as she made her way to the Gryffindor common room. She definitely needed to talk to someone, but everyone seemed to have gone to bed, apart from James Potter, who was sitting in the Marauders usual corner, and – were her eyes deceiving her? – studying? Shaking her head in bewilderment – this had been a strange day – she hastily replied to the Head Boy’s greeting and hurried up the stairs leading to the girls’ dorm she shared with Buffy, but the Slayer’s bed was cold and empty.

Lily felt like crying, and she slowly made her way back down, sitting down beside James, pulling her legs up beneath her. “Where is everyone?” She asked silently.

“Buffy is patrolling; Remus went with her,” James said, not looking up from the essay he was writing. “Mandy is in Ravenclaw tower, I expect, and I think Peter’s in the kitchens with Sirius. What are you doing here?” He said, rolling up the parchment and looking up. “We didn’t expect you back until tomorrow afternoon.”

Lily bit her lip. “Yeah, well…things didn’t go so well.”

She proceeded to tell James about what had happened, and to his credit, he didn’t comeback with any smart comments. 

“Oh,” was all he said, once he’d finished. “Are you alright?”

Lily shrugged, resting her head against the back support. “I guess…I think so, yes. I will be.” She smiled weakly. “Don’t worry.”

“I always worry about you,” James said quietly. His hazel eyes seemed deeper than before, and Lily lowered her eyelids, his gaze seemingly drilling itself down to her very core, reading her every secret, fear, dream and everything else about her.

“Why?” She whispered, looking down at her hands. James breath was hot on her face and she flushed.

James smirked charmingly. “Because I like you,” he said teasingly. “You know that. I care about you, more than I care about anyone else. I – “ he gulped, “I love you. I’ve always loved you, even if I didn’t realise it until later, when you already hated me.”

“I don’t hate you,” Lily said quietly, looking up. 

“Maybe not now,” James said mildly. “But you did then.”

“I never hated you,” Lily corrected. “I found the way you were acting despicable, but I didn’t hate you.”

“Well, in that case,” James smiled, “I’m glad.

Lily smiled back hesitantly.

“Lily?” James breathed weakly, leaning slightly closer.

“…Yes?”

“…Can I kiss you?”

Lily’s eyes widened a fraction, her green irises brighter than ever. “…Yes,” she breathed out, almost so quietly James didn’t catch it, but it was loud enough, and the hazel-eyed boy – man – lowered his mouth to hers, capturing Lily’s lips with his own.

It was sweet, Lily thought, eyes closing in bliss. Sweet and soft. Teasing, slightly seductive, with just enough pressure, but not over the top - even better than the way she’d imagined James Potter’s kissing to be…very pleasant: Very nice - not bad at all, actually. She grinned slightly and she felt all her worries disappear like…well, like _magic,_ as cheesy as it sounded. James pulled back; looking adorably confused with his hair even more messy than usual.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Lily said, still grinning. She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Kiss me again,” she demanded breathlessly.

And James proceeded to do just that.

* * *

**Published:** 03/01 -14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Karen Gillan as Lily Evans.


	15. Outsiders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**25 November**

Buffy put down her wand, staring at the pile of cups in front of her, a pleased look on her face. ”So, what do you say, professor?” She asked. ”According to me, this deserves a grade of the highest-level.”

She and Remus were sitting in the marauders’ usual corner in the common room, studying Transfiguration, and Buffy, who had spent the entire afternoon practicing turning mice into mugs, was quite proud of her recent accomplishment.

Remus inspected the cups critically, pretending to think. ”Hmm…I don’t know…this one still has a tail…and I swear that cup just blinked at me.”

”Oh, come on!” Buffy exclaimed, pouting. ”Give me a break! Do you have any idea how disturbing it is for me to transfigure mice into chinaware? I think I should get an O just for effort.”

Remus grinned, picking up a transfigured cup that had been on its way to scurry off the table. ”Fine, we can take a break. Some of these cups are perfect. Personally, I like the one with the stake on it.”

”I knew you would!” Buffy beamed. ”Lily taught me several decorating charms, and spells to apply make-up. Boy, has that ever come in handy. Lily really does know her stuff.”

“Yes, she does, doesn’t she?” Remus mumbled, smiling before letting out a tired yawn.

“Are you sure you don’t want to rest instead of helping me with this stuff?” Buffy asked worriedly. “You should be resting, what with the full-moon being tonight.”

Because of the September full-moon, with its disastrous ending and the days it took for Remus to recover, Buffy had been really worried about the following, which had taken place a couple of days before the Hogsmeade visit. Luckily, everything had gone well. The Slayer could only hope this transformation would pass by the same way.

“No, I’m fine,” Remus assured her. “It’s no use, since I’ll be heading for the Shack soon anyway. I’m just waiting for James to return from patrol.”

Buffy smirked. “They do take longer and longer, don’t they?” She snickered. “But, when he and Lily pause every ten seconds or so to make out, that’s what happens.”

Remus grinned back. “Yeah. I had hoped that now that they’re finally together, James would stop his inane babbling…unfortunately, it has only gotten worse. He’s always going on about how lovely Lily looks in the dim light from the torches, and how hot she is when scolding a couple caught snogging in a broom-closet, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.” 

Buffy snickered. ”I bet. He is kind of hopelessly head over heels, isn’t he?”

”Tell me about it,” Remus muttered, stretching out a kink in his neck. “Alright,” he added, rubbing his hands. ”Let’s return to your ‘lesson of the day.’ You have earned an O, for effort and dedication…”

Buffy beamed at him. “Really? Aww, thanks!”

“ - _If_ you manage to turn the cups back,” Remus finished with a raise of his eyebrow.

Buffy blinked. ”Turn them back?” She asked stupidly.

”Yes,” Remus said promptly. ”If I was a mouse, I wouldn’t want to be stuck as a cup for the rest of my life. The risk of breaking is so much higher.”

”Damn,” Buffy sighed. ”Oh, well.” She rolled up the arms on her sweater and took a deep breath. ”Here we go…”

* * *

**26 November**

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Buffy watched the clock on the nightstand impatiently, waiting for when it would tell her that moon had set and morning arrived, so she could sneak into the Shrieking Shack and help Remus back up to the castle.

Finally, she decided she’d waited long enough – even though the clock still hadn’t told her it was safe – she just couldn’t take it anymore. Grabbing her jacket, Buffy stood, heading out of the dormitory.

“Buffy?” A voice mumbled sleepily, and Buffy turned around to look at Lily. The redhead gave her a bleary-eyed look, sitting up in her bed. “Where are you going?”

“To the Shack,” Buffy said. “Moonset is in just a few minutes. I plan to be there right after he transforms back.” There was no need to tell the Head Girl who this he she spoke of was. It was obvious, after all.

Lily frowned. “I’m sure the guys have it well in hand. They’ve done this several times,” she said. “Can’t you just head over to the Hospital wing and meet them there? I’ll go with you,” she suggested.

Buffy shook her head. “No, I’ll go to the Shack,” she said determinately. “I want to be there for Remus.”

Too tired to argue, Lily just nodded, flopping back onto her pillow. “Alright. I’ll see you at breakfast, then,” she muttered, pulling the covers over her head. “As for me, I plan to sleep for several more hours,” she finished, voice muffled by the duvet. “You’re insane to get up this early on a weekend! Even if it is for your boyfriend’s sake.”

Buffy smiled to herself. “Well, it’s not like I went to sleep to begin with,” she muttered, before exiting the dorm.

* * *

Making her way through a dusty tunnel, which finally came to an end, Buffy saw James, Sirius and Peter, standing outside a closed door, looking exhausted. “Hey,” she greeted, nodding towards the door. “Is Remus inside?”

“Yeah,” James said, yawning. “Thank Merlin it’s the weekend…I need my beauty sleep.”

Sirius snickered. “While I, on the other hand, am naturally handsome.”

James, Peter and Buffy rolled their eyes.

“Has he transformed back yet?” Buffy wondered out loud.

“Not sure,” James shrugged. “He should have, but you can never be too certain.”

“If we took down the silencing charm, we’d know,” Sirius continued quietly. “But he doesn’t like us to watch him change. Or hear him, for that matter.”

“And,” Peter piped up, “it’s not something we really like to experience either. It’s quite disconcerting. Not to mention upsetting.” He shuddered slightly.

Buffy nodded in understanding. “Well, I’ll just check, then,” she said, and opening the door, she slipped inside and closed it, before the guys could emit even a sound of surprise, or even digest what she’d just said. 

Even if Remus still hadn’t changed back…well, she was the Slayer. She’d have no trouble holding him off of her for a few seconds; minutes at the most.

There was a movement coming from the bed, and Buffy sneaked closer, all her senses telling her that this was not Remus – it was still Moony. A head peered up at her; ears flickering back and forth curiously, and Buffy found herself smiling, despite herself.

He was beautiful, even as the wolf – during her last meeting with Moony, she’d been far too upset to take notice of such things. Not to mention, dying or not, the werewolf had tried to kill her. 

Now, however, it was calm, which surprised her. It was in the werewolf’s nature to attack humans, right? Still, maybe it was because it was so close to moonset? Buffy mused. And it wasn’t as though she was sorry Moony hadn’t tried to eat her the moment she stepped inside. The way things were now, she could appreciate the wolf’s beauty.

Girl and animal stared each other in the eyes, neither of them blinking.

Slayer and werewolf met for the second time, neither of them quite sure what to make of the other.

Curiosity, and a sudden feeling of belonging; of safety and strange feelings won over instinct and Moony did not attack.

Calmness and the sudden knowledge he wouldn’t hurt her conquered her fear and the huntress inside, and Buffy felt herself relax.

Suddenly, Moony’s head snapped up, and he let out a howl of pain.

Buffy watched in fascination as the wolf transformed back into human; in the woods, it had been unconscious, and therefore, the change had gone smoothly. 

Now, however, Moony was fighting it. But just as when Remus became the wolf, this was a fight it could not win, and humanity took the place of beast, bit, by bit, and Buffy turned her head away respectfully as the wolf’s howls turned into human cries.

“Welcome back,” Buffy mumbled, still turned away, knowing from experience that Remus would be naked.

There was a soft rustling of sheets, and then his voice – scratchy and hoarse – spoke up: “You can turn back around now.”

Buffy did so, and was met by blue eyes staring into hers blankly. “Why are you here?” Remus asked quietly. “I didn’t want you to see this. I never wanted you to see this.” He pulled the bedding around himself more tightly, feeling very self-conscious in his current state of nakedness. “And coming here before it was safe – are you insane? I could have hurt you.” He didn’t sound mad – only tired; resigned even. Perhaps a little disappointed as well.

“I’m the Slayer,” Buffy said, just as quietly. Remus voice, though gently, pierced her deeply – his disappointment was somehow worse than what his anger would have been. “I would have been okay. I could have fought you off. And you didn’t hurt me,” she added. “You didn’t even try. You just…watched.”

Remus frowned. “I know,” he mumbled. “In some way, I know that’s all I did. Which is strange, because usually, I don’t remember anything. And it’s not in Moony’s nature to watch,” he added.

“I found it weird too,” Buffy agreed. “But I’m not complaining, so neither should you.”

“I’m not,” Remus said. “I’m grateful that I didn’t attack you, and glad nothing happened. But that still doesn’t make it alright for you to be here,” he finished, sighing. “Just because everything went alright now, doesn’t mean it was safe. There was just as big of a chance – bigger, even – that I would have tried to harm you. I wouldn’t want you to _have_ to fight me off.”

“I know,” Buffy said. “And I’m sorry. And I honestly thought you’d already finished transforming back.” But that was a lie, she knew. A small part of her had been hoping he would still be Moony. For some unfathomable reason, she had hoped to see the change – maybe because of hers and Remus conversation about what it was like – and that was also why she’d slipped into the room instead of waiting a few more minutes. “I’ll send the guys in,” she mumbled. “You probably want to get changed.”

Opening the door, she slipped outside, motioning at James, Sirius and Peter that it was alright to come in. At their questioning looks when they saw she wasn’t entering with them, she just smiled awkwardly. “Nakedness,” she muttered, blushing slightly. “I’ll let him get dressed.”

“Right,” Sirius smirked, an eyebrow raised in an obvious, yet silent, question: _Would you have minded seeing some nakedness?_

And no, Buffy admitted to herself as the door swung close, separating her from the boys. She wouldn’t have.

* * *

Remus did his best not to roll his eyes as Madam Pomfrey continued to fuss over him, as usual, after a full moon. “I’m fine,” he said gently. “Really, Poppy, don’t worry.”

“Well,” the Matron muttered, rummaging about in the Hospital Wing. “You _seem_ fine. It doesn’t mean you are. And since I know you, Remus John Lupin,” she added, “even if you _weren’t_ fine, you wouldn’t let me know.”

Remus smiled sheepishly. “I suppose you do have a point. But,” he continued, as the school nurse gave him a smug look, “this time I mean it. I am fine. Really.”

“Let me be the judge of that,” Madam Pomfrey huffed, waving her wand in a series of complicated patterns over his body, Buffy watching curiously. 

James, Sirius and Peter were standing by the entrance, sniggering, obviously taking pleasure in Remus’ suffering, which had nothing to do with being hurt, but were more due to the fact of an overprotective mother-hen.

“Are you sure you’re not in any pain?” Poppy muttered. “Your temperature is a bit high…maybe you should stay here, just in case.”

Remus jumped down on the floor. “I am not ill,” he insisted. “And I do not have a fever, which you know! Really, you’re just hoping to find something wrong with me!”

Poppy sniffed slightly. “Well, can you blame me?” she said smiling. “You’re such good company! But you’re almost never badly hurt after full moons any more – which I’m grateful for. I remember when you were such a small little thing…always banged up…”

“Yes, well, I’m not so little anymore,” Remus hurriedly said, blushing slightly, and peering up at an amused Buffy from under his too long fringe. “And for the hundredth time, I am fine. Just give me some of that salve for sore muscles and limbs and I’ll be right as rain.”

“You’re suffering from muscle soreness?” Poppy asked, pulling out her wand again. “Where?”

Remus sighed. “It’s not bad. No worse than usual. During which times, I never had to stay.”

“Yes, well,” Madam Pomfrey muttered, “it wasn’t that long ago since you nearly died.”

Buffy flushed, remembering that incident all too well.

“But I didn’t,” Remus reminded the nurse gently. “But I _might,_ if you decide to keep me here! The sun is shining – it’s Saturday, and I have no classes to exhaust me. And I don’t want to miss the Quidditch game! Please,” he pouted, “let me go?”

Poppy did her best to look stern and failing miserably as Remus put her through a round of the puppy-eyed-look. “Oh, fine,” she finally gave in, giving Remus the small container of salve. “Go!”

Remus didn’t need any more convincing. Grinning, he gave the Matron a hug, before practically sprinting out of the Hospital Wing, Buffy, James, Sirius and Peter following just as quickly, leaving Poppy standing alone, shaking her head at them, a small smile on her face.

“They grow up so fast, don’t they?” A voice said quietly from the shadows.

Poppy Pomfrey turned around, meeting the twinkling – but slightly sad – eyes of the Headmaster. “That they do, Albus. That they do.”

* * *

“YES!” Mandy yelled, throwing her fist into the air. “YOU GO GIRL!” Ravenclaw was playing Hufflepuff in the last Quidditch match for the season, and Mandy was very excited since her roommate, Susan Cooper had managed to get on the team this year. Susan was proving to be a force to be reckoned with – during the one hour long game, the three Ravenclaw Chasers had been scoring more goals than thought possible, Susan most of all.

“Isn’t this great?” Mandy turned to Buffy, who was sitting along with the other marauders (except for Sirius, who was standing in the commentators box), and Lily in Ravenclaws Quidditch stand to show their support for her House. “I never knew she could play that well!”

James threw his friends an amused look. This was the most excited the Marauders had ever seen Mandy. “She’s very talented,” the Quidditch Captain said, nodding. “Not as good as me or Michaela, but then, who is?” he added jokingly.

Lily rolled her eyes. “Way to be supportive, James,” she muttered, but smiled at her boyfriend, intertwining her gloved hands with his, frowning as she noticed he wasn’t wearing any, and his fingers were turning blue.

“Don’t you have any gloves or mittens?” She wondered out loud.

James shrugged dismissively. “I think they’re gathering dust in the bottom of my trunk somewhere. I’ll be fine.”

“You might get frostbite!” Lily protested.

“Well, if I do, promise you’ll be there to warm me up and nurse me back to health?” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Lily flushed slightly, her cheeks becoming red.

Peter stuck his fingers in his mouth and pretended to throw up, earning himself a smack on the head from James. “Just because you’re deprived of a social life…” James muttered jokingly.

“…AND HUFFLEPUFFS’ SEEKER, THE SMALL, THE TINY, THE DWARF SIZED BASTIAN BROOKS HAS SPOTTED THE SNITCH!” Sirius yelled.

“SIRIUS BLACK!” Professor McGonagall exclaimed in anger.

“Sorry, sorry. MARIAH TYERS, FOR RAVENCLAW, NEW ON THE TEAM, IS FAR BEHIND… WITCH WEEKLY HAVE GIVEN HER A MODEL CONTRACT ANYWAY – I SUPPOSE YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE GOOD AT QUIDDITCH TO SMILE PRETTY… “

“BLACK!”

“WHAT?” Sirius yelled. “I’m just saying! Eh…BROOKS HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH, BUT BECAUSE A BRILLIANT JOB BY RAVENCLAWS’ CHASERS AND KEEPER, THE RAVENS WIN ANYWAY, ONE-HUNDRED- NINETY TO ONE-HUNDRED-SEVENTY”

* * *

 _“We won,”_ Mandy squealed happily, throwing her arms around Sirius, who surprised but pleased, returned her embrace in delight.

“We’ll still kick your arses at the end of the year,” James promised. “No offence to Tyers or anything, but Sirius is right – she’s awful.”

“The others trying out were worse,” Mandy told him. “I was watching the trials.”

“Then I feel sorry for Ravenclaw,” James said. “Hey, Lily and I are going to head for the kitchens – I need some hot chocolate.”

Buffy wrapped her arms around Remus middle possessively. “Re?”

“We’ll come along,” Remus said, smiling down at her, still rather tired from his transformation (though he would never have admitted that in front of Poppy Pomfrey). “I’m not one to say no to chocolate.”

“Me neither,” Peter said. “Are you coming, Padfoot?”

“Maybe later,” Sirius said, waving them off. “I’ll walk Mandy back to her common room first.”

Mandy gave him a surprised, but pleased look. “That’s kind of you, but you don’t have to,” she said.

“It’s no problem,” Sirius assured her. “I want to. So,” Sirius asked, while wondering if he’d dare risk putting his arm around the dark haired girl. He finally decided not to, just in case…He didn’t want to blow it. Sirius honestly liked Mandy, and though it was difficult to act casual around her and drop his usual suggestive, flirty act, he was willing to try, until she was ready and took the first step. “How come you don’t play Quidditch?”

For the first time, he wanted an actual relationship, and if he had to earn it by being a (boring) gentleman, so be it. Sirius wanted the real deal, this time, and not just with any girl, but with Mandy Isabel Walker. He was therefore determined to keep his neglected libido under control and not jump the first other willing female that came along. (Even if it was tempting – it had been over two months since his last venture into a broom closet, after all.) The Ravenclaw was worth the wait.

“I like flying,” Mandy confessed, “but I’m not good at throwing the Quaffle at the same time. I’m not strong enough to be a Beater, and I’d be bored if I had to soar around trying to spot a tiny ball.”

“Keeper then?” Sirius suggested, starting to walk up towards the castle alongside Mandy at a slow pace.

“My reflexes aren’t fast enough,” Mandy admitted with a sigh. “At least not on a broom. What about you? Why stick with commenting the game?”

“It’s hilarious,” Sirius said honestly. “And though I make an excellent Beater, I doubt McGonagall would trust me to have a reason for owning a bat. You know, I’m a bit of a loose cannon.”

Mandy laughed but was abruptly cut off when she slipped on a glassy spot of ice on the frozen ground. She would have hit her head had Sirius not caught her in time.

“Careful,” he mumbled and Mandy blushed, her heart beating wildly against her ribcage. 

“Whoops,” she whispered, looking up at Sirius face. “Sirius?” She asked.

“Yeah?” Sirius said, still holding her.

“I think I’m ready,” Mandy breathed, and capturing Sirius face with her gloved hands, she pulled him down for a kiss. His lips were cool from the cold outside, and he stood frozen, unresponsive in shock.

Mandy quickly pulled back. “Sorry,” she said hurriedly, backing away. “Forget it ever happened, I-I don’t know what came over me,” she babbled. “Of course you don’t still feel the same; it was just a stupid mistake…”

As she kept ranting on, Sirius face lit up and he smiled widely.

“It wasn’t a mistake,” he said and Mandy blinked.

“It-it wasn’t?” She wondered uncertainly.

Sirius shook his head. “No. It really wasn’t.” He took a step forward and pulled her into his arms, embracing her tightly until her head was resting against his shoulder. Around them, snow began to fall.

* * *

**28 November**

Peter made his way back to the Gryffindor common room slowly, having been to the library, studying, since all his friends were in class – he had a free period. He was trying not to be nervous about the upcoming NEWTs – it was only the end of November after all. But his OWLs had taught him a lesson – beginning to study only a few weeks before the exams may work for Sirius and James, but he needed more time than that. 

Unfortunately, no one had thought to tell him this – nor had he thought about it – so while James and Sirius has aced every subject, Peter had failed several, and now had less classes to show for it, which meant more free periods for him to study the subjects he did have. He would not fail again!

As he stepped onto a staircase that has just swung into view, he heard voices coming from around the corner, and he stopped to listen.

“Oh, what do we have here?” He could hear a voice say. “A lone Hufflepuff. Where are your friends, Lowell? Oh, wait, I forgot. You don’t have any!” The voice laughed uproariously, being joined in by two more.

“Get out of my way! I’m late for class,” a fourth voice exclaimed, and then there was the sound of someone hitting the floor. 

“I don’t think so,” the first voice said coolly. “And if you’re late…well, that’s not really our problem, now is it?”

Peter, having heard enough, walked back down the stairs and around the corner, taking in the scene with blood boiling. 

A lone girl in his own age was sitting on the floor, surrounded by books; three Slytherins – one of whom Peter recognized as Regulus Black - were standing above her, smirking.

“Leave her alone!” Peter exclaimed, summoning up every ounce of his Gryffindor courage.

The Slytherins’ heads snapped around to stare at Peter. “Well, if it isn’t Peter Pettigrew,” Regulus smirked. “And alone. It’s not every day you see that! Where are my brother and his friends?”

“In class,” Peter said.

“Right…the same class you failed, isn’t that right?” Regulus’ smirk widened. “But then again, what more can you expect from a tag-along.” He tapped his cheek thoughtfully. “But wait a second – oh, that’s right. You think you’re one of them. Their _friend.”_

“I am!” Peter said hotly, pulling out his wand. “Now leave before I hex you.”

The Slytherins burst out laughing. “Do you even know how to use that thing, Pettigrew?” the second Slytherin hooted.

“He’s so cute,” Regulus cooed. “Gullible, but cute. Stay down,” he added without taking his eyes off of Peter, using his boot to push the girl – who had been about to get up – back to the floor. “You do realise they’re just using you, don’t you?” He sounded almost pitying. “They may pretend you’re their friend, but you’re not. You’re just the person they have running their errands, like a dog. Except they probably treat dogs with more respect.” He shook his head, despairingly. “Honestly, why do you put up with it?”

“They are _not_ using me,” Peter said through gritted teeth, wand clenched hard in his fist.

“Really?” Regulus raised an eyebrow. “So they’re not constantly making fun of you, or ignoring you, unless they need you for something? Like breaking the rules, so it will be you in trouble when – not if – it’s discovered, while it was their plan to begin with.”

Peter’s eyes narrowed, while doing his best to keep his face a blank mask, not wanting Regulus to know he’d hit a nerve. It _was_ true the others tended to…well, _use_ him…but it wasn’t the way Regulus had made it sound! Sirius, James and Remus were his friends! Weren’t they?

A small sense of doubt started to take form in his stomach, and it must have shown on his face, because Regulus’ face softened. “You know I’m right, don’t you?” He was shaking his head. “But you don’t want me to be, because they’ve tricked you into believing we – the Slytherins – are your enemy, and what we say are lies. It’s a pity, really. If you weren’t so deluded, probably beyond all repair... Well, maybe you could have been someone.” 

He motioned for his friends to follow him and he started to walk away, past Peter, who was standing motionless, face unreadable. “You don’t have to be their pet, Pettigrew. You don’t have to put up with their shit,” Regulus said over his shoulder. “Gather some of that courage you Gryffindors supposedly possess and break free. It’s never too late to change, Pettigrew – maybe all hope is not lost… You can still be someone that matters – someone who can make a difference. It’s up to you.”

As he rounded the corner, disappearing out of sight, Peter finally woke up from his stupor, shaking off Regulus’ words. Still, some doubt lingered. As much as he wanted to pretend what he’d said hadn’t mattered…well, it had hit a nerve.

“Thanks,” the girl mumbled, face downcast as she started to gather up her fallen books. “You didn’t have to help me. But…thanks.”

“It was no problem,” Peter muttered, putting his hands in his pockets, weighing awkwardly on the balls of his feet. “They had no right to be mean to you.”

“Yes, well,” the girl shrugged. “It’s nothing new.” She laughed humourlessly. “It’s my own fault, really,” she added softly. “If I weren’t such an easy target…” She shook her head. “Never mind.” Straightening up. “Well, I need to get to class,” she said. “I’m terribly late now. Thanks again.”

“I can walk you, if you’d like,” Peter offered. “I still have time left on my break, so…” He trailed off, shuffling his feet.

“Oh, you don’t have to,” the girl quickly said. “I don’t want to be a bother…”

“It’s no bother, really,” Peter assured her. “What class do you have?” They started to walk down the corridor. 

“Charms,” the Hufflepuff supplied.

“Oh, Flitwick’s nice,” Peter said. “I’m sure if you told him why you’re late, he’d understand – “

“Oh, no,” the girl hurriedly said. “I’m not going to tell him. That would make me a tattle-tale as well as a push-over, and that will only make everything worse. Believe me, I know.”

“Do they bother you a lot?” Peter wondered, frowning.

“Only when I’m on my own,” the girl said quietly. “Which is more often than not, I guess.”

Peter’s frown deepened. “But don’t you have any friends?” He asked, confused. “I mean…you’re pretty.” He blushed. “And you’re a Hufflepuff. Isn’t that the House of loyalty?”

“Oh, we’re loyal,” the girl said, blushing at his compliment. “The House sticks together, and everyone’s nice, but I don’t really have that many close friends. I just…I hang around,” she admitted. “I don’t really feel like I fit in, so I tend to be on my own instead. I mean, I’m there, and everyone acknowledges me, and no one is mean or anything. But at the same time, I’m _not_ there. I’m like…on the outside, looking in.”

“Oh.” Peter didn’t really know what to say. “Uh…I’m Peter, by the way,” he said, when he realised he hadn’t introduced himself. “Peter Pettigrew.”

The girl smiled. “I know. I think everyone knows who you are…you and your friends, I mean. The Marauders. I doubt there’s anyone in this school who hasn’t heard of you.” Blushing slightly, she added: “I’m Samantha. Samantha Lowell. And…this is my stop,” she added, nodding at the door which lead to the Charms classroom. “It was nice talking to you. And thanks, for your help. Again.” She chuckled awkwardly.

“It was no trouble. I’m not sure I helped at all,” Peter said. 

“But you did!” Samantha assured him. “Or tried, anyway. Not many do that, unless they’re Hufflepuffs, and then I have a feeling they only help because I am a Hufflepuff too, and it’s their duty. Loyalty, and all that. Ravenclaws tend to turn the other way, and Gryffindors…well, they help. But, they’re always…very loud about it, and it usually brings a Professor around, right when the curses start flying, which lands all of us in detention,” she rambled on. 

“And, of course, the Slytherins then think it is my fault, which only makes it worse. You on the other hand…” She smiled. “You were just…there. Despite the fact that you were alone, which has never happened before. So thanks.”

Peter smiled back. “You’re welcome,” he mumbled. “Well, I guess I might see you around?”

Samantha grinned, her hand on the door handle to the classroom. “Maybe. And hopefully, when I’m in a more dignified position than by the feet of a Slytherin pushing me around. It was nice talking to you, Peter Pettigrew,” she added, opening the door and slipping inside.

“It was nice talking to you as well, Samantha Lowell,” Peter mumbled to the now closed door.

* * *

“Oi! Wormtail!” Sirius shouted, throwing his quill at Peter’s head. “Are you with us? You’ve been like staring into space for several minutes! Which is nothing new, considering you’ve always been a bit odd,” he joked. “But really, usually you’re aware if someone’s calling your name, which I have. Several times. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Peter muttered. “Sorry.”

“Maybe he met a girl,” James snickered, obviously not taking his own statement seriously.

Peter blushed.

“You met a girl!” James gasped, sitting up straighter. “Our Peter is growing up!” He pretended to wipe away a tear. “I’m so proud!”

“Oh, shut it,” Peter muttered.

“So you did meet a girl then?” Sirius said, leaning back against the sofa. “Let’s hear it, Wormtail. What’s her name? What’s she look like? What House is she in? How did you meet?”

“Uhh…Well, she’s really pretty,” Peter admitted, and that was the truth. Samantha Lowell was really pretty. In fact, Samantha was so pretty that if it weren’t for the small matter of him ‘rescuing’ her, she’d probably never given him the light of day. 

She wasn’t better-looking than Buffy, he had to admit, but Samantha had something ‘pure’ and ‘untainted’ about her. An innocence and sweetness that Buffy lacked. But Peter was beginning to realise that what he had felt for the Slayer had only been infatuation. Samantha on the other hand…Samantha had seemed to be a bit like him…there…but not there. Outsiders, he mused silently. “And…uh…a Hufflepuff.”

James snorted. “Of course.”

“And what’s that’s supposed to mean?” Peter exclaimed. “There’s nothing wrong with Hufflepuffs!”

“Of course there isn’t,” Remus soothed. “James is just being an idiot.”

“As usual,” Sirius added. “I know several pretty Hufflepuffs. So what’s her name? I probably know her – in fact, I’ve probably slept with her! Ouch!”

Remus had smacked him, and he gave a reddening Peter a sympathetic look. “Don’t mind him. Or James. They’re just kidding, you know that, right?”

“Right,” Peter muttered. Sometimes, Sirius and James jokes weren’t that funny. Especially not when they were at his expense. Which was more often than not, he suddenly realised. He was more of a tag-along than anything else.

“Her name’s Samantha Lowell,” Peter said. “And as to how we met…well…uh…one thing just led to another,” he finished lamely. “We just…realised we had a lot in common.”

_‘On the outside, looking in. Samantha really couldn’t have summed it up better.’_

“Samantha, Samantha…Hmm…” Sirius mused. “Nope. It doesn’t ring a bell. Are you sure you didn’t make her up? Ow!”

Remus had hit him again. “Jerk!” He hissed. “Just because you don’t recognize her name doesn’t mean she doesn’t exist! It just means that there are girls in this school with actual taste!”

“Hey!” Sirius pouted. “I’m not like that anymore, remember? I’m in an actual relationship now!”

“I’m so sorry,” Remus said dryly. “Let me rephrase that: It just means that there are girls in this school with actual taste, _despite_ the fact that up until now, you’ve done your best to lure them to the dark side and rob them of their sanity. Happy?”

“Yes,” Sirius grumbled. “Thanks.”

Remus rolled his eyes.

“What are you talking about?” Lily, Buffy and Mandy, entering the common room, wondered.

“Peter met a girl!” Sirius exclaimed. “And, he claims he didn’t make her up! But I’ve never heard of her.” He suddenly looked thoughtful. “Then again, _she_ might have made the name up, so Peter can’t go looking for her.”

Peter was not amused. Neither was Lily, Mandy, Buffy or Remus.

“You’re such an ass,” Buffy said. “Why would she do that?”

“Well, let’s face it,” Sirius said, smirking. “Everyone can’t be as charming as I am!”

“And let’s face it,” Lily cut in sweetly. “Maybe everyone isn’t desperate enough to date you. Is it so difficult to believe that not everyone is interested in conceited, arrogant dickheads – no offence,” she added, turning to Mandy.

“None taken,” Mandy said calmly, knowing better than to tell Lily that she, too, was dating a person with the shallow personality (at least to those who didn’t really _know_ James and Sirius) she had just described. After all, she wasn’t about to undo James’ hard work of several years, to get the redhead to finally like him. 

“Some people like the…strong, silent type,” Lily finished.

Sirius and James snickered. “Strong and silent,” James chuckled. “You mean chubby and shy. OUCH!” It was James’ turn to be smacked, by Lily this time.

“As I was saying,” she said, turning to Peter with a smile. “I’m sure this girl will be very happy with you, if she’s interested. And I don’t see why not. You have a certain…cute-factor. And you’re kind, and popular, and given far less credit than you’re worth. Really,” she drawled, turning to James and Sirius, hands on her hips. “You’re supposed to be his _friends!”_

“And we are!” Sirius assured her, James nodding along. “We’re just messing with him! It’s what friends do! Joke around! Right Pete?”

“Right,” Peter muttered, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. “Of course we are.” But the feeling wouldn’t go away. And Lily hadn’t really helped. He didn’t need a girl to defend him! Not to mention, _cute-factor?_ Not really something a guy wanted to hear! And the only reason he was popular was by default – because he hung out with James, Sirius and even Remus.

And with growing unsettlement, he realised that what Regulus had said was all true.

* * *

 **Published:** 03/01 -14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Romola Garai as Samantha Lowell.


	16. Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**1 December**

Peter made his way out of the portrait hole, his ears ringing from the loud singing and partying going on inside. “Don’t forget the dip!” Sirius yelled after him, and Peter rolled his eyes, exasperated. It was Mandy’s birthday and all of Gryffindor were celebrating, despite the fact that Mandy didn’t even belong in their House! He, on the other hand, was expected to make sure the snacks didn’t run out, even if that meant going all over the castle, and missing out on the actual party.

Shaking his head, Peter pulled out the marauders map as he made his way through the corridors, not wanting to be seen by a professor, or worse, Filch. The road to the kitchen was clear though. Peter froze in his steps as he saw a small dot he hadn’t paid any attention to on the map alerting him of a student already in the kitchens:

_Samantha Lowell._

His heart started beating quicker, and he couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face, and his steps grew more hurried, his eyes glued to the yellow dot that told everyone looking at the map that she was a Hufflepuff: Buffy had found a spell to re-colour things in the library, and when Remus had seen it, he’d gotten an idea to colourcode the marauder’s map. So he’d researched several spells and then he had somehow combined an identity charm with the colouring charm, so now, it was even easier to tell the dots apart:

Professors were white, ghosts and Peeves the Poltergeist were grey, magical ‘creatures’ were brown (these included Remus, Hagrid, and, Buffy, too, for some reason. The Marauders figured it was because she was the Slayer), Animagi were purple, Hufflepuffs were yellow, Gryffindors were red, Slytherins were green and Ravenclaws were blue. Anyone else, such as guests of the castle, were all a normal black. If more than one colour applied to you, the dot would switch between the colours every second.

After what felt like an eternity, Peter reached the painting with fruit, and he hurriedly tickled the pear until the door handle appeared. On his way in, he almost crashed into Samantha, who’d been on her way out.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Samantha exclaimed, bending down to pick up the map that Peter had dropped. Peter quickly pulled out his wand, and with a murmured ‘mischief managed’ the parchment went blank, just as the Hufflepuff reached it. Luckily, it had landed upside down, so she hadn’t seen anything at all. “Here.”

“T-thanks,” Peter stuttered out, suddenly having no idea what to say. He accepted the parchment and stuffed it down in his robe pocket, feeling incredibly awkward all of sudden. “Uh…how have you been?”

Samantha moved away from the opening so Peter could enter. “Fine,” she said, flashing him a smile. “Well…uh…bye.”

“Wait,” Peter said, just as Samantha began to make her wait out of the kitchens again. Spinning around, she shot Peter a questioning look.

“Did you need something?”

Peters lips went dry. “Well…eh…” He shrugged. “Maybe we could…talk?” He finally suggested.

Samantha blinked. “Alright,” she said hesitantly. “Umm…if you’re sure… Not many people talk to me voluntarily.” The Hufflepuff sounded slightly bitter.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Peter said, a bit more confident now. “Because last time, the whole being attacked physically and verbally by Slytherins made our exchange a little less pleasant than it might have been otherwise. So we should take this opportunity to hold an actual conversation.”

Samantha ducked her head, her fringe falling forward to cover her eyes. “Yeah,” she mumbled. “You have a point.”

Peter grinned. “Hey,” he said, suddenly getting an idea. “Do you want to join a party?”

Samantha’s head jerked up. “A party?” She sounded confused. “You want me to join a party with you?”

“I do,” Peter assured her. “Gryffindor’s throwing a party for Mandy Walker – she’s a Ravenclaw, and it’s her coming of age day, so it’s sort of a big thing. I’m just here to pick up some more snacks.”

Samantha smiled widely. “I’d love to come,” she said, sounding slightly apprehensive, but delighted, all the same. “Umm…if Mandy’s a Ravenclaw, why are the Gryffindors celebrating her?”

“She’s dating Sirius Black,” Peter said.

Samantha chuckled. “Oh. Well, that would do it, I suppose.”

“So you’re coming then?” Peter asked, while walking up to one of the house-elves. “Uh…hi. We need lots and lots of butterbeer, a large bowl with dip, another with chips, and a third with candy…and if you’ve got some cake, that would be great to,” he told the house-elf, who quickly scurried off, more than happy to serve.

“Yes, I suppose I am,” Samantha said. “Though I don’t see why. I mean, you must have lots of friends already. I mean, not that I’m your friend,” she hurriedly added, blushing.

“You’re my friend,” Peter told her with a smile, making her blush deepened. “If you want to, that is.”

Samantha’s smile was answer enough.

“You should smile more often,” Peter told her, blushing himself now. “It suits you.” Inwardly, his heart was swelling. He was flirting! Well, sort of. And from Samantha’s expression, he was doing quite well. And she liked him! “As for why I want you there, well, it gets kind of lonely, sometimes. Everyone’s in a relationship except me, and I feel like the fifth – or in this case seventh – wheel. And since we’re friends, we should…bond, or something,” he shrugged.

Samantha nodded enthusiastically. “Alright. Bond. I can do that,” she assured him, a red flush still covering her cheeks.

* * *

“Oi!” Sirius yelled as Peter re-entered the common room after what felt like an eternity, the music and laughter even louder than when he’d left. “What took you so long?”

Peter ignored him, and instead, walked over to the refreshments, putting down everything he’d gotten from the kitchens, Samantha following shyly.

“Hi, Pete,” Buffy said, stealing a chips from one of the bowls he just put down. “Did you run into any trouble?”

Peter shook his head. “No. Uh, Samantha, this is Buffy Summers. Buffy, this is Samantha Lowell.”

“Oh!” Buffy brightened, brushing her hands off on her jeans before shaking the Hufflepuff’s hand “Hi, nice to meet you. Peter hasn’t been able to shut up about you all week,” she teased, her hazel eyes glittering with amusement as Peter and Samantha both blushed.

“R-really?” Samantha squeaked out, casting Peter a questioning look. Peter didn’t meet her eyes.

“No,” Buffy laughed. “Just kidding.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Peter muttered to Samantha, as Buffy twirled away, two butterbeers in hand. “My friends are sort of crazy.”

“I never would have guessed,” Samantha said, a wide smile on her face, as she took in the, currently very messy, common room. “I liked her.”

“Wormtail!” Sirius whistled. “Where did you find the bird? She’s pretty – when you’re done, can I have her? I was just joking!” He quickly added for Mandy’s sake, raising his hands in surrender. Mandy, sitting beside him, rolled her eyes, too used to Sirius’ flighty comments to care. They were part of his personality and weren’t likely to change anytime soon.

Peter’s blush reappeared. “Shut up, Padfoot!”

Samantha’s smile, if possible, grew even wider, though she was blushing as well.

“You’re so crude, Black,” Lily said, slapping Sirius on the head with her left hand, as she walked past the sofa, dragging a slightly intoxicated James behind her by her right.

“Where are we going?” The Head Boy whined. “The party isn’t over yet!” He stumbled slightly on his own two feet, glasses slightly crooked.

“It is for you,” Lily said, pushing him towards the boys’ stairs. “Go to bed, and sober up,” she commanded. “This is no way to set an example.”

James pouted. “Do I have to?”

“Yes,” Lily said, crossing her arms.

“Don’t I even get a good-night kiss?” James tried.

Lily’s eyes narrowed, and she pulled out her wand, pointing it threateningly at the messy-haired boy. “Don’t tempt me, James.”

James scurried up the stairs as though his arse was on fire.

“He’s so whipped,” Sirius chuckled, having witnessed the scene from the sofa. He put an arm around Mandy, who gave him a look.

“I’m planning on making you just as whipped, Black,” she said sweetly. “So I wouldn’t laugh if I were you.”

Sirius just grinned, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Will it involve bondage?”

Mandy gave him a disgusted look, pushing his arm away. “No!”

Buffy shook her head, putting her arms around Remus’ neck, swaying slightly on the improvised dance-floor, completely out of rhythm, since the music was a loud and quick-beat rock-song. “He won’t ever learn, will he?”

“No,” Remus agreed, wrapping his arm around the Slayer’s waist. “But if he did, he wouldn’t be Sirius. It’s part of his charm you know,” he added seriously.

Buffy sniggered. “I suppose it’s true what they say: Old dogs can’t learn new tricks.”

Remus grinned. “I think Sirius would disagree with you.”

“He always disagrees,” Buffy said, rolling his eyes. “So,” she said, changing the subject, “have you met Samantha?”

“Peter’s friend?” Remus shook his head. “No. I’ve seen her in the corridors, but I haven’t talked to her. She seems nice, though. A little shy, and a little lonely too, I think – whenever I’ve seen her, she’s been alone. I think Peter will be good for her, and the other way around too. I’m afraid he’s been feeling a little left out,” he said, sounding a little guilty.

Buffy nodded in agreement. “Wouldn’t it be great if they got together?” She suggested, laying her head on his shoulder. “Then every one of us would be in a relationship and we could all hang out. Quadruple dating.”

“I suppose that would be nice,” Remus mused, chuckling. “But I don’t mind having you all to myself,” he added, eyes sparkling.

Buffy laughed. “That was such a cheesy thing to say. But I don’t mind having you all to myself either.” She sighed. “I can’t believe it’s December already. I’ve been here for three months, and it feels like no time has passed at all.”

“I know what you mean,” Remus said, nodding.

“And I’m still not even close to catching up in my studies,” Buffy said. “I feel like I do nothing but read and write and read and write…my brain is turning to mush.” She pouted.

“Don’t think about that now,” Remus ordered, placing a finger on her lips. “We’re celebrating. Homework and NEWTs and other things related to school shall not be spoken of. Deal?”

“Fine,” Buffy said, rolling her eyes, removing his finger. “Considering the nerdy ways you revert to every now and then, I would have thought you wanted to discuss – “

“Ah!” Remus held up a hand to stop her. “No mentions of the you-know-what, remember?”

“Yes, whatever,” Buffy said, “but – umph!”

Remus had lowered his lips onto hers, and Buffy melted. As he finally pulled away, her eyes were slightly glassy, and she had a silly smile on her slightly swollen lips. “What were we talking about?” She wondered dazedly.

“I don’t think there was any talking involved,” Remus said, smiling.

“Good,” Buffy breathed, and as Remus kissed her again, the rest of the world faded away.

* * *

**3 December**

Buffy stared in wonderment at all the snow now covering Hogwarts’ grounds, leaning against the windowsill. Snow had begun to fall shortly after Ravenclaw’s Quidditch game against Hufflepuff, and it had been snowing more or less non-stop ever since. Now, everything was covered in a thick, glistening, white blanket.

“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” Remus asked, walking up beside her. “I suppose you haven’t seen much snow?”

“Almost none at all,” Buffy admitted. “And never this much.”

“Want to go outside?” He wondered, hands in his pockets. “The others are on the Quidditch pitch, getting ready for a snow ball fight.”

Buffy grinned. “I’d love to,” she said, and, after placing a quick kiss on his lips, she spun away from the window and rushed down the corridor, her hair flying behind her. “Last person to get there is a Doxy!”

“Not fair!” Remus yelled, dashing after her, knowing he didn’t have a chance to catch up. “And no running in the corridors!”

* * *

Sirius looked at the snow fort he’d built up with pride, rubbing his gloved hands in anticipation. Behind him, Mandy, Peter and Samantha were busy rolling snowballs. Sirius peaked up over the wall to look at James, Lily, Buffy, and Remus’ stronghold. He frowned slightly when he realised it looked just as strong as his own.

“Alright!” He yelled. “The rules are as follows: No magic!”

“And you’re not allowed to use your Slayer strength,” James added to Buffy, who nodded in understanding, cheeks flushed.

“Leave the safety of the walls at your own risk. If a limb is hit, it means you can’t use it. If your face or head are hit, or if you’re hit more than five times total, you’re dead and not allowed to participate. When – not if – you surrender,” Sirius smirked, “raise the white flag.”

“In your dreams, Black!” Lily yelled back.

“May the best men – or women – win!” Sirius finished. “Ready. Steady…steady again…GO!” Sirius quickly launched two snowballs in rapid succession over to the other teams side, ducking quickly to avoid the snowball aimed at his head.

The snow built walls rattled ominously, but held fast.

“Mandy – your job is to make their walls crumble!” Sirius said. “And keep our walls from doing the same. Got that, private!”

Mandy rolled her eyes. “Yes, sir!”

“Sam!” Sirius yelled at the Hufflepuff. “Make sure Peter and I have ammunition at all times!”

“Ay, ay, sir,” Samantha said shyly, eyes sparkling, quickly getting caught up in the moment. She was extremely pleased she had been asked to join the Marauders again. It made her believe that Peter hadn’t invited her only to be kind, but that he’d done it because he genuinely liked her. And from the look of things, Peter’s friends wanted to be her friends as well.

It was a nice feeling, considering how lonely she was in her own house. It was her own fault, really, Samantha had to admit to herself. On the ride to Hogwarts, she had ended up in an empty compartment. Then, she’d been sorted into Hufflepuff and her fellow first-years had already found each other on the train, and Samantha had shied away, not brave enough to take the first step and join them. Some of the older years had tried to engage her, but Samantha had been too shy to do continue and try to connect with the younger years once they left her side.

When she finally dared to try and remove the wall between herself and the rest of her house once, in the beginning of her fifth year, it was far too late, and the small amount of confidence she’d gained over the summer crumbled into dust. Everyone already had their own set of friends, and adding someone else upon that would disrupt the flow in the group, and so were loath to let her join them. And Samantha returned to being an outcast.

As she had entered her seventh and final year, Samantha had accepted the fact that she wouldn’t gain any friends at Hogwarts, and she was fine with it. Graduation was waiting around the corner, and after that, her lack of housemates wouldn’t matter. She would be able to start over.

Then Peter Pettigrew had entered her life and turned it upside down. One chance meeting had introduced her to a friend, who, in turn, made sure to include her in his group of comrades, who didn’t seem to mind, and instead seemed to enjoy the Hufflepuff’s company.

Life was good, and Samantha had never been happier.

* * *

Behind the other fortress, James was drilling his own ‘soldiers’ enthusiastically, by yelling as loud as possible:

“AND THEY WILL LEARN TO FEAR THE POTTER’S ARMY!”

“Why not Evans’ army?” Lily protested. “Or Summers’ army?”

“Or Lupin’s,” Buffy added, while throwing a snowball over the wall.

“ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY ORDERS?” James yelled, ducking a snowball that came flying.

Lily rolled her eyes. “No,” she said dryly. “It never crossed my mind. Sir,” she added.

“WATCH THAT CHEEK, OR I’LL USE YOU AS AMMUNITION,” James barked, launching two huge snowballs that smashed into Sirius’ walls, making them fall apart.

“MANDY!” They heard Sirius yell. “WAKE UP, PRIVATE! THIS IS NO TIME FOR DAYDREAMING! OUR LIVES ARE AT STAKE HERE! REPAIR THAT WALL, OR I’LL KILL YOU, COOK YOU, AND EAT YOU FOR DINNER!”

THUMP.

“Oh, I’m sorry, sir,” they heard Mandy’s voice said serenely. “But it’s your own fault, really. You should watch out for friendly fire.”

Lily, Buffy and Remus snickered. Buffy launched another snowball which hit Peter’s shoulder.

“THIS IS IT, PEOPLE!” James yelled. “Their commander is down for action – BREAK THOSE WALLS!”

“I’M NOT DEAD!” Sirius yelled. “Just lost my kneecap!”

“Well, thank Merlin for that,” Remus said dryly, launching another snowball…and Peter toppled over as it hit him in the face.

“ONE MAN DOWN,” Sirius bellowed. “I repeat, ONE MAN DOWN! AVENGE HIM!”

“Excellent hit, Lupin,” Buffy said, clapping him on the back, while ducking the furious return fire. Lily was not so lucky, however, and was hit in the arm.

“Just a flesh-wound,” she assured James. “My right one is still good.”

“As long as you can throw, I don’t care one way or another,” James barked out. “BACK TO WORK!”

“Want to follow Mandy’s example of friendly fire?” Remus murmured ruefully to Lily, who snickered.

“It’s tempting…but – “ she winced as a snowball launched by Samantha hit the Head Boy straight in the face. “He’s already dead.”

“Ow,” James whimpered.

“Dead men don’t speak,” Remus grinned, throwing another snowball.

“ONE, TWO, THREE, NOW!” Sirius yelled, and he, Samantha and Mandy launched a wild snowball attack, and James watched mournfully as the entire left side of their fortress crumbled.

“They’re useless without me,” he muttered sadly, while wiping off his glasses.

“I think we’re losing,” Lily stated. “Time for something drastic?”

“Yes,” Buffy said. “This is a good day to die. Our walls can no longer keep us safe. So let’s leave these walls and storm the enemy’s fortress! YAAAAAHHHHH!”

Remus, Lily and Buffy rose as one and rushed towards the enemy-lines, ducking and throwing snowballs at a thoroughly shocked Sirius.

“What’s our course of action sir?” Mandy asked.

“Eh…ATTACK!” Sirius yelled, getting up and hopping on one leg towards the oncoming ‘enemy’, throwing snow for all their worth. One well placed snowball by Buffy hit him in the face, and he was out for action.

“Typical,” he muttered, voice muffled due to all the snow.

In no man’s land, between the two fortresses, both having crumbled, Buffy, Remus, Lily, Mandy and Samantha met. Lily was hit in her other arm, and since she was no longer allowed to throw snow, she used her body to push Mandy and Samantha towards Buffy and Remus’ line of fire, until she was felled by Remus’ snowball in the back of her head, when she didn’t duck quick enough.

“Sorry!” Remus yelled. A rude sign from the red-head was the only answer.

Mandy was next to go, when Buffy bodily felled her to the ground and threw snowball after snowball at her unprotected back, while she was laughing and screaming for mercy at the same time.

However, Buffy didn’t have time to get up, as a snowball by Samantha hit the back of her head, and she ‘died’ as well.

Remus and Samantha proceeded to circle each other, faces flushed and breathing heavily, both clutching a snowball in their gloved hands. Then, as one, they launched…and ducked – and both were hit in the face, anyway, and they fell to the ground, laughing.

“I think that’s a tie,” Peter said, standing up.

“Yeah. Good fight,” James agreed, standing up as well. “Time to sign a peace-treaty?”

“Yes,” Sirius said, stretching slightly, spitting out some snow. “And then some hot chocolate.”

The soldiers cheered.

* * *

**5 December**

As soon as Monday morning came along, their mood quickly faded away as they entered the Great Hall for breakfast. A sombre atmosphere seemed to have settled over the Great Hall, and every student seemed to be holding a copy of the _Daily Prophet._

Mandy and Samantha left their respective tables to join their friends, and, in Mandy’s case, boyfriend.

“What’s going on?” Buffy asked, frowning.

“There’s been a Death Eater attack on random wizarding homes,” Mandy said, voice hushed as she gave them her newspaper. “According the article, only families with Muggles or Muggleborns were targeted.”

“Aren’t you Muggleborn?” Lily asked Mandy, slightly horrified, hands shaking as she opened the newspaper to read through the casualty list, praying her own family wasn’t in there. She let out a huge sigh of relief when she couldn’t find their names anywhere.

“Yes. But my dad lives in France, and my sister in America. As for my mum…well, I doubt anyone would be interested in killing her, considering she’s doing a splendid job on her own,” Mandy said bitterly.

They all, beside Sirius, gave her confused looks. “What do you mean?” James wondered.

“She’s a drunk,” Mandy said bluntly.

“Oh,” James said lamely, not sure what else to say.

“It’s fine,” Mandy assured him with a smile.

“Can I see that?” Remus asked silently, holding out his hand for the newspaper Lily was still holding.

“What? Oh, of course,” Lily said, having forgotten to look for Remus’ last name in there, since she’d been so worried about her own parents.

“Are you muggleborn?” Samantha wondered.

“Half-blood,” Remus muttered absently, while reading through the list silently, Buffy looking over his shoulder worriedly. “My mother’s a Muggle, but my dad’s a wizard…you?”

“Also half,” Samantha said quietly. “My family wasn’t on the list though, I double-checked. And then checked again, just to be safe.”

Peter put a comforting hand on her shoulder, just as Remus folded up the newspaper, relieved. “My parents weren’t on the list either,” he said, giving his friends reassuring smiles. “I saw a Stephan and Emily Lorne mentioned though. Do you think it could be Amanda’s parents?”

James frowned, trying to spot Amanda Lorne, the Gryffindor seeker. “She isn’t here,” he said softly. “But her friends look upset, so you’re probably right. Her dad was a Muggle.”

“This is awful,” Lily muttered, burying her face in James’ shirt. “And that list…it was long.”

“Notice how every House except Slytherin are missing students?” Sirius said darkly, putting an arm around Mandy’s shoulder, as he glared at Severus Snape’s back.

“That’s prejudiced, Sirius,” Remus said, seeing his look. “The students can’t help what the Death Eaters are doing, and Slytherin mostly consists of pure-bloods – that’s a fact, so it isn’t strange none of their families were targeted.”

“Well, since the Slytherin parents are part of the Death Eaters – “ Sirius began, only to be cut off by Lily.

“Not all of them and not every Death Eater is a Slytherin either,” she said. “Stop being such a bigot. You can’t blame the children for their parents’ actions. We’re not blaming you for yours, are we?”

That shut Sirius up, though he was still glaring.

“The war is really out there, isn’t it?” Peter said, shuddering slightly.

“Yes,” Remus sighed grimly. “These deaths make it even more real than it was before.” He nodded towards the abandoned paper – on the front page, a Dark Mark glowed green above a burning building. “You can’t close your eyes to it anymore, and hope the war it will go away. It won’t.”

“And for every second that passes, it becomes longer and more gruesome,” James said grimly. “I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s still going on when we graduate.”

“That’s months away,” Samantha said, frowning. “Surely the Aurors will have caught Voldemort by then…”

Sirius snorted. “Not likely. The Aurors are afraid of him. Well, maybe not Mad-Eye Moody, but everyone else. I think it will be Dumbledore who finishes him,” he predicted.

Remus was frowning. “I’m actually not so sure about that, Sirius.”

“He defeated Grindelwald, didn’t he?” Sirius asked with a raise of an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Remus agreed. “But that was long ago. Dumbledore is getting older, believe it or not, and the war against Grindelwald had already gone on for years before Dumbledore captured him 1945. And Grindelwald’s ‘reign of terror’ spread to the muggle world and affected a lot of horrible events during the Second World War. And Voldemort’s really powerful, maybe even more so than Grindelwald.”

Buffy shuddered. “Let’s hope it doesn’t go that far,” she said. “We really don’t need another grand-scaled war…”

“Agreed,” Lily said. “I agree with James. It will probably still be going on when we leave school, but I don’t think it will result in something as awful as a Third World War. At least I hope not. Wizards can do a lot of damage, both in their own world and the muggle world. An Imperius curse cast at the right person, and everything could go to Hell.”

“If it’s still going on when we leave school,” Sirius said, “we’ll all fight Voldemort, right?”

“Of course,” James said. “I’m joining the Auror force either way. And you too, Sirius, right?”

“Yes,” Sirius said. “What about you guys? Weren’t you thinking about joining the Aurors as well, Moony?”

Remus looked away. “It would be nice,” he said. “But you know I’m not allowed to hold a job at the Ministry.”

Buffy’s face darkened, and Lily gave him a sad smile. Samantha and Mandy looked confused.

“Why can’t he work at the Ministry?” Samantha asked.

“Uh…long story,” James said, having completely forgotten that the two girls didn’t know about Remus’ ‘furry little problem.’ “Lily, where do you want to work?” He asked, quickly changing the subject.

“Oh, there are so many options!” Lily gushed. “I’d really like to work within Potions research, develop new stuff. Or become a Charms mistress and invent new spells – it would be really challenging, but very important for the future of the Wizarding culture!” Her green eyes were glowing with excitement.

Sirius gave James a look that clearly said he thought the redhead was mental. “Right…Mandy, what do you want to do?”

“Well, I don’t have to chose as soon as you do, since I’ve still got a year left after this one,” Mandy said. “But possibly a career in law enforcement or journalism. But I can’t see myself sitting at a desk more often than not, so I’m actually leaning more towards curse-breaking.”

“That’s wicked,” Sirius grinned. “I’m sure you’d do great, since you like solving puzzles and all of that Runes and Arithmancy crap.”

“It’s not crap!” Lily, Remus and Mandy all chorused, glaring at Sirius, the solemn mood that had established itself slowly fading away.

“Alright, alright,” Sirius muttered, slightly scared at their identical looks of death. “Don’t bite my head off!”

Buffy snickered.

“What about you, Buffy?” Remus asked, still glaring slightly at Sirius. “What do you want to do?”

“I’ll take it one day at the time,” Buffy said dryly. “Right now, I’m just trying to pass all my subjects. Work possibilities will have to wait until after.

“Same here,” Peter said ruefully. “What do you want to do Sam?”

“I want to open a record store,” Samantha confessed, blushing slightly. “It’s sort of a childhood dream of mine.”

“That’s great,” Remus said, smiling. “For wizarding or muggle music?”

“Muggle,” Samantha said decisively, still blushing slightly. “Definitely. I may have a smaller, hidden section for wizarding music that muggles can’t find, but the magical world’s selection is abysmal compared to the muggle one. And some of the wizarding lyrics out there are truly awful.”

“I agree with you completely,” Remus, Buffy, Mandy and Lily agreed.

“What’s wrong with wizarding music?” James, Peter and Sirius wondered, slightly defensive, having grown up listening to wizarding music only.

Buffy snickered, remembering some of the lyrics she’d heard during Mandy’s – and Sirius’ - birthday parties. _“Let the Hippogriff fly high in the white clouded sky,”_ she sang, snickering all the while. _“Wings of power – taking it higher – I can seeeeeeeeee it!”_ As she finished her rendition of the awful power-ballad lyrics, she fell about laughing, joined by Remus, Mandy and Lily, all of them having tears in their eyes.

“Or what about _Amortentia, Amortentia, liquid love,”_ Remus suggested, still chuckling.

“Or,” Lily gasped, _“come and stir my cauldron, and if you do it right…”_

 _“… I’ll boil you up some hot, strong love keep you warm tonight!”_ Mandy joined in, and the two girls burst out in wild giggles.

James, Sirius and Peter were frowning. “Well,” James finally huffed, “some of them might be a little less…tasteful. But they’re…artistic,” he finished lamely, Sirius nodding in agreement.

Lily and Mandy shook their heads in despair. “You truly have a lot to learn,” Lily said. “I feel for you, really. You’ve never even heard of ABBA? Or Queen?”

“Why would I want to listen to the queen?” James gave her a perplexed look. “She’s a muggle, isn’t she?”

Lily exchanged an exasperated look with Buffy and Samantha smiled at a thoroughly confused Peter, giggling slightly. To her delight, she found the marauders and their girlfriends were really easy to be around – they made her feel almost completely at ease after only one party, one snow fight and one weekend.

“Wizarding music is a part of our culture!” Sirius protested. “Nothing muggle could possibly compare!”

Mandy put an arm around Sirius shoulders. “Sirius, darling,” she said, sighing. “Once you go Beatles, you never go back.”

Sirius gave her a bewildered look. “Why would I want a beetle?”

“Oh, yes,” Lily sighed, seeing the same look reflected on James’ face. “A lot to learn, indeed.”

“Just wait until we introduce them to the Television,” Buffy suggested, grinning.

“The telly-what?” Sirius wondered, completely baffled. Peter gave a highly entertained Samantha a puzzled look, and James blinked owlishly.

“They might just die from the shock,” Remus deadpanned.

* * *

**Published:** 03/01 -14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Romola Garai as Samantha Lowell.


	17. Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**12 December**

Sirius yawned widely, stretching his arms after the last class of the day, Muggle Studies, finished, and rose from his chair with usual grace, making most of the girls sharing the lesson twitter and giggle, while trying to catch his eye and fluffing up their hair.

For once, Sirius didn’t pay them any attention, to their disappointment, but was instead among the first people leaving the room, his mind already on a certain Ravenclaw. Noting the time, he decided he would have plenty of time to meet her by the classroom for her last class, Ancient Runes.

Whistling, he almost skipped down the hall.

“Oi, Padfoot!” James said, half-running to catch up with him. “Why in such a hurry? And why such a good mood?” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Did you get laid?” (The usual cause for Sirius’ sudden high spirits)

Sirius sighed. “No such luck, I’m afraid, Prongs, old pal. I haven’t dared to ask her,” he admitted. “Our relationship is still so new, and I don’t want to blow it. What if Mandy thinks I’m only with her to satisfy my libido?!” He clutched his heart in a wounded gesture.

“Well, as long as you’re happy,” James chuckled. “I never would have believed that you, Sirius Black, would have settled down. And not complain about the lack of sex,” he added. 

“I’m just as surprised as you are,” Sirius said, grinning. “Anyway, it’s only twelve days until Christmas, I have the girl of my dreams, who, coincidentally, has agreed to come home with me over the holidays – I did ask your parents, don’t worry - and it’s only six days until it begins. Double fun! No, triple fun!” He did some sort of victory dance on the spot, making James laugh.

They turned a corner, when suddenly, Sirius’ well used and faded bag ripped apart and most of the contents fell out. “Damn it!” He sighed. “You go ahead. I’ll see you in the common room later.”

James shrugged. “Alright.”

Sirius began to pick up the dropped stuff (far more prank items than books), muttering to himself about how it was probably just a matter of time before it would have fallen apart anyway, considering the age of the thing.

Suddenly, a shadow fell over him, and he looked up, only to come face to face with Regulus. “Reg.” Sirius stood up, voice cautious.

Regulus cleared his throat awkwardly. “Sorry about your bag, but I wanted to talk to you alone.”

“You did that?” Sirius threw him a disgruntled look.

“Nothing a ‘Reparo’ won’t fix,” Regulus dismissed, putting his hands in his pockets, and weighing back and forth on the balls of his feet.

Sirius sighed. “Was it something you wanted, little brother?”

“Actually, yes, big brother,” Regulus mocked. “I got a letter from mother on the seventh.”

“And I care…why, exactly?” Sirius questioned, running a hand through his long hair impatiently. “If they wanted me something, which they haven’t since I ran away, I’m certain they could contact me themselves and not use you as their owl.”

Regulus scowled. “Fine. Never mind, then.” He turned around to leave.

“Regulus, wait,” Sirius threw out his hand and grabbed Regulus' left arm, halting Regulus in his steps. The younger Black visibly tensed, and shrugged Sirius’ arm off.

“Don’t touch me!” He almost yelled, hugging his arm to his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius’ eyes narrowed, and he didn’t sound contrite at all. “I forgot I was contagious.”

Regulus grimaced. “No, I’m sorry, I suppose. I overreacted.”

“A little bit.”

The two brothers’ lips twitched, and they looked away, not wanting to show their ‘moment of weakness’ when their cold facade faltered.

“So. What did mother dearest want?” Sirius asked, breaking the silence and putting the indifferent mask back on. “I doubt it’s pleasant, considering she doesn’t think very highly off me. Am I correct in that she burned me off the family tapestry?”

Regulus flushed. “Eh…well, yeah.” He coughed slightly, looking mighty uncomfortable. “At least you’re in good company.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sirius frowned.

“I mean,” Regulus sighed, “that Uncle Alphard died last Tuesday, and left almost all of his money to you. That obviously didn’t sit well with mum, and she blasted him off the family tree. The funeral was yesterday, by the way. You weren’t invited,” Regulus shrugged.

“I figured,” Sirius said, feeling slightly faint. “He left money…to me? Why?”

Regulus snorted. “And you ask me that? Maybe he enjoyed your little rebellion, or something. Maybe he liked creating chaos within families. I always thought he was a little odd.”

“Maybe,” Sirius mused out loud. “It’s not like we were close…I barely knew him. So, mother’s upset?”

Regulus snorted. “Clearly. Not only did she get a nasty surprise when it turned out her brother had given her disgraced son almost all the money, and all she got was some lousy and wrecked Black properties, a few worthless heirlooms, and some left over sickles and knuts, which is more of a mockery than anything, but she also feels cheated.” 

Regulus paused. “We’re not all that well off anymore,” he admitted quietly. “Not that mother and father would ever let anyone know, let alone admit it, but all we really have of value are Grimmauld Place and its contents, considering the state of the property inheritance from Alphard. It would cost more to restore than what we can afford right now, and no one would want to buy it.”

“Oh,” was all Sirius said, actually feeling guilty, which was strange, considering he couldn’t help the current state of the Black ‘fortune’. He hadn’t had anything to do with wasting it.

“Yeah,” Regulus muttered. “You’re probably wealthier than mother and father, at the moment.” He shrugged. “Anyway, that’s all I wanted. You better get going. Your ‘girlfriend’ awaits you.”

“Right. Bye, Reg.”

“Bye, Sirius.” Regulus left, leaving Sirius to stand, shoulders slumped, alone in the corridor, grey eyes sad and deprived of all light. Then, he seemed to jerk awake, and he quickly picked up his stuff from the floor and he, too, left, in the opposite direction of Regulus.

On the floor, the bag laid forgotten, a large rip in the bottom, separating the words sewn there: _To Siri. I hope you have a great year at Hogwarts! See you in Slytherin next year! // Reggie, August 1971._

* * *

**16 December**

”Do you need help?” Lily asked Buffy, while making her bed with a swish of her wand. The two girls were in their dormitory, getting ready for the last day of classes. Buffy, by pouring over some schoolwork at the last second, while Lily, being something of a neat-freak, made certain her end of the room – now much bigger – was spotless and in order before she left, despite the fact that the House-elves would take care of it if she didn’t.

Buffy nodded absently, without looking up from her Potions homework. It wasn’t seventh year material, but sixth, since Slughorn wanted proof that she was up to scratch. That meant writing six years worth of essays - plus all the additional seventh year assignments - with the deadline being the Christmas holidays. 

This was her last piece to be turned in – after that, she would be free! Buffy knew though that if it weren’t for Lily and her expertise in Potions, she never would have made it. “Just give me a second,” Buffy muttered, erasing a line on her essay with a flick of her wand.

“Here.”

Lily accepted the rather wrinkled parchment and proceeded to scan it quickly. “It looks fine,” she said, nodding approvingly. “Only one mistake, as far as I can see.” She pointed out a piece in Buffy’s work: ”The fourth paragraph is wrong – you should crush the sopophorous beans with the _flat_ side of the silver dagger, not cut them. And a clockwise stir should be added after every seventh counter-clockwise stir.”

Buffy blinked. ”That’s not what it says in my textbook,” she protested.

”You’re right, it doesn’t. That’s because the textbook is wrong. Trust me,” Lily said. ”The way I explained it is the correct way to do it. I promise on my honour as a genius.”

Buffy snorted. ”Way to be modest, Lils.”

Lily chuckled, standing up and returning the essay to Buffy, who accepted it with a resigned sigh, quickly correcting the mistakes Lily had pointed out.

The redhead in question peeked over Buffy’s shoulder down at the parchment, trying to see how far she had gotten. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yes,” Buffy said, rolling up her essay and placing it in her backpack. ”Thank God!”

Lily flashed her a smile.

* * *

**17 December**

“This is great,” Sirius said, walking backwards and gesturing at the snowy surroundings with over enthusiastic cheer. It was the last Hogsmeade weekend before the end of term, and most of the students were spending it shopping for Christmas presents. This included the marauders, who were spending the day away from the girls (not voluntarily) for some ‘manly’ Christmas shopping time. “Just us, the manly men – exactly like old times.”

“He’s suffering from Mandy-withdrawal,” James hissed conspiratorially. Remus and Peter snorted with laughter.

“I mean, who needs the giggly girls anyway? We can have fun without them! We managed plenty of fun before Lily and Buffy and Mandy and Samantha came into our lives,” Sirius continued. “They’d just get in the way of our masculinity.”

“Uh-hu,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. “And it has nothing to do with the fact that you expected to get laid now when Mandy’s of age, but you’re still not getting any?”

“That’s absolutely not it!” Sirius said. “I’ve managed fine without sex! I’ve been sex-free for…ninety-four days. That’s nothing! I can manage another thirteen weeks with no trouble at all!”

“Alright,” James shrugged innocently. “If you say so.”

Sirius shoulder slumped. “No, that’s not true,” he muttered morosely. “I was just trying to be cool. I was cool, wasn’t I?” He gave his friends hopeful looks.

“For two whole minutes,” Remus assured him.

* * *

“What about this one?” Lily held up a book. “Do you think James would appreciate it?”

Mandy and Samantha exchanged looks of despair. Buffy walked over and took the book from Lily’s hand, putting it back on the shelf. “Lily,” she said. “Why would James want a book on Hogwarts’ history?”

“Well, I like it!” Lily protested.

“Yes, but you’re supposed to buy a Christmas gifts your _boyfriend_ can appreciate,” Mandy reminded her and steered her towards the sports selection. “If you have to give him a book, give him one on Quidditch.”

Lily gave her friends a suffering look. “I’m a terrible girlfriend,” she said.

“No, just…slightly clueless,” Samantha comforted.

“This looks promising,” Buffy said and held up a book on Chaser moves. “It’s got a lot of colourful, moving pictures.”

“What if he already owns it? James is rich…and a Quidditch maniac – he probably already has this entire book selection. Not to mention, he probably already knows all Chaser moves there are. In fact, he’s probably invented some of them!”

“Then,” Mandy said, “you’ll just have to come up with something original.”

“Like what? What are you giving Sirius for Christmas?”

“Well…he wishes for my virginity,” Mandy said thoughtfully, ignoring the incredulous looks from her friends. “But I think I’ll get him some Muggle-porn, just to keep him satiated.”

“Are you serious?” Buffy gawked.

Mandy smirked. “No, but my boyfriend is.”

Lily, Samantha and Buffy glared. 

Mandy chuckled. “No, I’m not. I just wanted to see your reactions. I’m giving him a scrapbook.”

“A scrapbook?” Samantha wondered, intrigued. 

“Yes,” Mandy nodded. “I’m planning to put together photographs, notes we’ve sent to each other, small items and such, and write funny – and occasionally dirty – comments to go with. So if you have any pictures or notes you’ve been sparing, please, give them to me.”

“That’s so thoughtful,” Lily exclaimed. “And unique, inventive and creative.”

“Yes, well, I had to top the leather jacket I got him for his birthday somehow. And, not to call Sirius shallow or anything – “

Lily, Buffy and Samantha snickered.

“ – But if it weren’t for the comments – and some…less than clothed pictures I plan to sneak in of myself – I don’t think he’d appreciate all the effort I’ve gone through to put it together.”

“Naughty,” Buffy grinned. “And a little bit mean. You’ll give him an aneurysm! How much can one guy – who’s used to getting laid every week – take before he snaps?”

Mandy grinned smugly. “I’m planning to find out,” she said. “But really, it’s not like I’d mind sleeping with Sirius,” she confided. “On the contrary. But as long as he doesn’t ask…” She trailed off suggestively, playing with a piece of her hair.

Lily, Samantha and Buffy burst out laughing. “You mean you’re holding it over his head, letting him think you’re not ready, but all he has to do to set the deal, so to speak, is _ask?”_ Buffy grinned widely, shaking his head. “Poor Sirius has no idea what he’s gotten himself into.”

* * *

Remus frowned as he browsed around the small weaponry shop in Hogsmeade. “What sort of weapon do you think Buffy would appreciate?” He wondered. “I’m not an expert on these things.”

“And you think we are?” James said incredulously, picking up a crossbow…and accidentally fired off the arrow which imbedded itself in the wall less than an inch beside Peter’s head. Peter whimpered in shock and James quickly put the crossbow away, whistling innocently while looking around for the owner, who, luckily was nowhere in sight.

“You could have killed me with that thing!” Peter exclaimed, white faced as he turned around to glare at James.

James pointed at himself innocently, as if to say, ‘who, me?’

Remus picked up a small dagger, only to put it down again when he saw the price tag. “I’ll never be able to afford anything in here,” he said morosely, picking up a few galleons from his pocket and counting them, his expression falling every second.

“What about a wand-holster?” Sirius suggested, waving some around. “It makes your wand easily accessible, and protects it. I figure that as the Slayer, Buffy could use one.”

Remus walked over, frowning. “That’s a good idea. Thanks, Padfoot.” Looking at the price-tags, he let out a sigh of relief.

“You’re welcome,” Sirius said.

Remus, who had decided on a silvery-blue wand-holster made of dragon hide from a Swedish Short-Snout, walked over to the cashier who had now arrived. “What are you getting Mandy?”

“Jewellery,” Sirius said dismissively. “Chicks love that kind of stuff.”

James, Peter and Remus rolled their eyes. “Sure,” James agreed. “But it’s dead boring. Don’t you have any imagination Padfoot?”

“I read somewhere that jewellery is what you give when you’re too lazy to come up with something else,” Peter piped in.

Sirius huffed. “Well, come up with something better, then. What are you getting Lily, for example, Prongs?”

“A book, of course,” James said, following Remus, who was now finished, towards the exit.

The werewolf turned around, horrified. “A _book?_ And you’re saying Padfoot doesn’t have any imagination!”

“Lily loves books,” James protested.

“Yes…but you do want her to believe you made some effort, right?” Remus asked. _“Everyone_ knows Lily likes books, which means it would be the simplest thing to give her. Get her something else. Something less predictable.”

“A quill?” James suggested, and then lit up. “I know! A sugar quill! That’s imaginative right? Practical mixed with pleasure!”

Remus stared at him as though he was insane.

James expression fell. “Or maybe not,” he mumbled.

* * *

“Chocolate is a boring gift,” Buffy huffed, crossing her arms and glaring at Lily. 

“But Remus likes it,” Lily tried, before sighing. “But you’re right, it is boring. Thanks for helping me pick James’ gift out, by the way.” 

After a lot of consideration, Lily had gotten James a Quidditch strategy game, in which you could manoeuvre your own players to do your bidding, and so, see the result of the moves before executing them in real life. _“Maybe that will prevent James from doing something too suicidal,”_ Lily had said.

“You’re welcome,” Buffy said, while looking around the candy store some more. “I might buy him some clothes,” she said. “Practical, and he needs it. But it might embarrass him.” Buffy knew Remus and his parents weren’t especially well off, and she was afraid that, by buying him clothes (a dull gift, if anything), he would see it as charity.

“Probably,” Mandy agreed. “Are you finished?” She asked Samantha who nodded, walking over to them and carrying a bag with her purchase for Peter: A large basket, filled with different candy selections. The Hufflepuff knew he’d appreciate it, and she also didn’t feel the pressure on ‘finding the perfect gift’ as the other three girls did, since she and Peter were just friends. 

“Yes.”

“I have no idea what to get him!” Buffy exclaimed, as they exited the shop. “We’ve been browsing for hours, and I’m clueless. I want to get him something unique, practical, funny and Remus-like.”

“Okay…that won’t be difficult at all,” Lily said dryly. “Alright. Unique – something you’ve done yourself.” Ignoring Buffy’s horrified look, she continued: “Practical – something he can use, but it should also be funny so he can laugh about it. As for Remus-like…well, if you manage the three above, you’ll have it.”

“What about a notebook?” Samantha suggested hesitantly. “Just buy one that looks plain and unexciting, and decorate the cover yourself, and write a funny, personalized message inside.”

“That’s…not a bad idea,” Buffy said slowly, brightening up. “Thanks, Sam! I owe you one!”

“Don’t worry about it,” Samantha dismissed, smiling shyly. “I’m just glad I could help.”

* * *

“My feet hurt,” Sirius muttered. “Next year, we owl-order,” he decided. “And none of us, except Remus, have bought a single gift. Let’s face it - we’re useless without the girls.”

“You mean you’re useless without Mandy,” Remus muttered under his breath. Luckily, Sirius hadn’t heard.

“Please, let’s just give up,” Peter begged.

“No,” James said, sounding determined. “We can’t give up yet. We’re not that pathetic! I’m going to find the perfect gift for Lily, even if it kills me!”

“What about a dress-robe?” Sirius suggested. “Evans is a girl, so clothes should be right up her alley, and we all need one for the graduates’ ball anyway.”

Remus winced. “I’m not so sure that’s such a good idea. What if you get her the wrong colour, or wrong style…girls are really picky about that sort of thing.”

James groaned. “That’s it. I’m getting her a sugar-quill.”

“James!”

“I’m only joking…kind of,” James muttered, walking by a window which had a large selection of stuff, some junk, and some not. “Let’s go inside.”

After a few minutes of restless browsing, Sirius let out a yell of delight. “Look, guys!” He held up a magical jigsaw puzzle. “Isn’t this perfect for Mandy?” The puzzle, when finished, portrayed a large blue lake, in which a black dog was playing around, trying to capture the fish that sometimes jumped up. The lake was surrounded by old looking trees. A raven was shown taking flight towards the sky. 

“A jigsaw puzzle?” Peter sounded a little dubious, while clutching the bag holding a muggle cassette deck, charmed to work in magical environments, that he’d bought for Samantha close to his chest. Remus had found it in a corner of the shop, and Peter was incredibly grateful (not that he’d known what it was, but as soon as Remus had explained it played and recorded music, Peter knew that Samantha would like it).

“Yes!” Sirius said, nodding enthusiastically. “Mandy loves puzzles, and it’s difficult – a thousand pieces. Plus, the raven inside could symbolize her – Ravenclaw, and the dog me. Not that she’d know it, but it’s the thought that counts, right? And, when she’s done, she can hang it up on the wall!” What made magical jigsaw puzzles different from muggle ones was that once finished, it would become an actual moving painting.

“You’ve really thought it through,” James sounded slightly amazed, and a little jealous that he hadn’t found anything as good for Lily. “I’m sure she’ll like it.”

Sirius beamed, and practically bounced towards the cashier to have it wrapped and paid for.

James said, looking around one last time. “We might as well leave,” he said. “I don’t think I’ll find…anything…” he trailed off, as he saw several glass-figurines standing on a shelf. Quickly walking over, he inspected them closely, grinning widely when he saw a statuette portraying a stag and a doe. 

Whenever you touched it, the stag would either lift its head, or rise onto his hind legs protectively, while the doe would bow its head or curl up by the stag’s feet. Every now and then, the stag would bow down and rub its nose against the doe’s. “Brilliant,” James whispered, hazel eyes glittering with joy, having found the perfect gift at last.

* * *

“The Three Broomsticks next?” Buffy suggested, while clutching the bag carrying the plan black notebook she’d bought for Remus to her chest. In her mind, she was already mulling over different things she could decorate it with, and various messages she could write inside. Nothing seemed appropriate, though, but she still had time. 

“Yeah,” Mandy said, checking her watch. “Want to bet the guys are already there?”

“That’s a loser’s bet,” Lily scoffed. “They’ve probably been there for ages. If I know them right, they bought the first thing that came to mind, no matter how ridiculous, and then spent the rest of their time in Zonko’s.”

“Oh, ye of little faith!” Buffy exclaimed, laughing. “I’m sure they’ve bought us something nice.”

Samantha nodded in agreement.

“Easy for you to say,” Mandy said, grinning. “At least your boyfriend thinks with his upstairs-brain.”

Buffy burst out laughing. “True,” she conceded, still chuckling. “Though I think James and Sirius would take offence.”

“James maybe,” Lily said. “But Sirius would probably see Mandy’s comment as a compliment of his manhood.”

The girls snickered.

* * *

“Hey guys,” Buffy greeted the marauders as they entered the Three Broomsticks. “How did it go?” She gave Remus a kiss on the cheek, and he smiled. 

“Everything went great,” he said. “Appropriate gifts have been found and paid for.”

Buffy grinned back.

“What are you doing for Christmas?” James asked Lily, taking the redhead’s hand in his.

Lily shrugged. “I don’t know.” She grimaced. “Mum and dad are going to spend Christmas with Petunia and Vernon in their new house in Surrey. They just want to show it off, and I _really_ don’t want to go. If I do, that’s a sure way to ruin the Christmas spirit – for the entire family,” she added. “I’ll probably stay at Hogwarts.”

“You can come home with me,” James suggested. “My parents would love to meet you.”

Lily blinked. “Are you sure they wouldn’t mind?”

“Absolutely,” James assured her. “Mandy will be there too, by the way. Sirius invited her. I have no idea how he convinced her, but he managed.”

Lily smiled shyly. “Then I’d love to.”

James looked as though Christmas had already arrived.

“What about you, Pete, Sam?” Sirius waggled his eyebrows. “Going to spend Christmas together as well?”

Peter and Samantha blushed a deep red.

“N-no,” Samantha stammered. “Eh…I’m celebrating with my family.”

“And I’m going home to my mum’s,” Peter mumbled, looking away. “She’d be all alone otherwise. It’s her first Christmas without dad…”

Mr. Pettigrew had died from a heart-attack the year before, in February, and Peter’s mother had been extremely upset.

His friends gave him sympathetic looks.

“What can I get for you?” Madam Rosmerta arrived, grinning at the marauders. 

“I’ll have a butterbeer, please,” Samantha ordered.

“Umm…hot honey syrup and soda,” Peter said.

“A butterbeer for me too,” James ordered.

“Peppermint tea, please,” Lily ordered. “With a tea-spoon of sugar.”

“A coffee, please, with a little hot milk mixed in,” Buffy said.

“I’ll have a hot chocolate,” Remus said. “With whipped cream and a small layer of sprinkled brown sugar on top.”

“Hot apple cider, please,” Mandy said.

“And you, Mr Black?” Madam Rosmerta asked, as she reached the last of the marauders. “A firewhisky, perhaps?”

“Eh…no, just a butterbeer, this time, but thanks anyway, Rosie,” Sirius said, turning on the charm. Mandy rolled her eyes.

Madam Rosmerta blushed. “Three butterbeers, a hot honey syrup and soda, peppermint tea, one coffee, hot chocolate with cream and brown sugar, and one hot apple cider, coming right up,” Madam Rosmerta said, flashing the eight friends a smile before hurrying off towards the bar to ready their orders.

“Do you flirt with every female working in this village?” Mandy asked, sounding more amused than annoyed.

Sirius shrugged arrogantly. “Only those it works on.”

The Marauders snickered.

“I’ve been thinking,” Remus asked Buffy a little while later, when everyone sat nursing their hot drinks, laughing and talking, being too busy to pay any closer attention to their conversation. “While Hogwarts is great at Christmas, it could get a little lonely for you there, since everyone else has somewhere to be…so what do you say about coming home with me?”

Buffy grinned. “You’re inviting me to your home for Christmas?”

“Yes,” Remus said, smiling. “However, you don’t have to,” he quickly added.

“No, I want to!” Buffy exclaimed, before her face fell. “Doesn’t the full-moon fall on Christmas this year?” She whispered.

Remus grimaced. “Unfortunately. But I’ll be locked away in the shed in our backyard, so you’ve got nothing to worry about. We’ll open our presents before moonrise, and then you can either stay up with my parents, or go to bed. You won’t even have the chance to miss me,” he assured her.

“Of course I’ll miss you,” Buffy said, grabbing his hands. “And be worried. And curse at the moon. But I’ll come. I want to see your home, _and_ meet your parents.”

“They’re great,” Remus told her. “Mum is a little overprotective, maybe, but she’s really nice. And dad’s hilarious.”

“Well, you’ve got to have gotten your since of humour from somewhere,” Buffy said, grinning.

“I’ll have you know, my humour is completely my own,” Remus sniffed importantly.

Buffy rubbed her nose against his affectionately, before pecking him on the lips, tenderly looking into his eyes. “Of course it is,” she mumbled, grinning.

“If you’re done being all lovey-dovey,” Sirius drawled, “we should probably head back to the carriages”

Remus blushed, finishing his hot chocolate quickly, as Buffy stuck out her tongue at Sirius, standing up and putting her coat back on.

“Thanks for the drinks, Rosie,” Sirius called across the bar, and Rosmerta, who was currently removing some empty glasses from another table, nodded at him, smiling.

The Marauders, now unofficially including the girls as well, left the bar, shuddering as the cold wind brushed their faces the moment they stepped outside. In the distance, they could hear some of the students singing Christmas carols, while heading towards the carriages that would take them back to Hogwarts.

Buffy smiled, looking up at Remus who had wrapped his arm around her. She didn’t think she’d ever felt so…peaceful. She hadn't had any Slayer dreams warning her about impending apocalypses, the war against Voldemort felt unbelievably far away, and her longing for Sunnydale and her old friends had almost disappeared completely and was now barely a small blip on her radar. 

She had found new, wonderful and loyal friends and an amazing boyfriend who, while becoming slightly furry every month, wouldn’t turn evil if faced with perfect happiness, and, best of all, he loved her, and she loved him back, more than she thought possible. And even if she somehow gained all the wishes in the world, she wouldn’t know what to ask for – she didn’t want to change anything. Everything was perfect, exactly the way it was, and she felt as though she’d finally found a place where she truly belonged.

The future looked bright.

* * *

**18 December**

“Samantha, Mandy! Over here!” Lily yelled from a Thestral-drawn carriage, waving at the two girls as they approached from the castle. Buffy peeked out her head above Lily’s, waving as well and grinning.

The Christmas holidays had officially begun – all that remained was the traditional journey with the Hogwarts Express back to London.

Mandy left her group of Ravenclaw friends with a yell of “Merry Christmas,” running over to join Lily and Buffy in the carriage, Samantha, who was walking alone, joining her halfway.

“What?” Mandy said jokingly as she climbed into the carriage, joining the two Gryffindors. “No boys?”

“Nah,” Lily said dismissively, making room for Samantha who closed the door behind them. “We ditched them.”

“To be honest, it was the other way around,” Buffy said shrugging. “Took the first carriage out – they said something about wanting to get the best compartment. We’ll meet them on the train.”

The carriage started to move at a leisurely pace down the road, shaking slightly.

“Really, it’s good that it’s just us,” Lily added. “Buffy has something she wants to tell you.” She gave Buffy a look of encouragement and the blonde smiled nervously.

Buffy had finally decided it was time to tell Mandy and Samantha about her calling as the Slayer. She had known Mandy for a long time now, and Samantha was growing closer to them every day. They deserved to know, and the Christmas holidays would give the two girls the time needed to process the information.

“Really? What is it?” Mandy asked. “A secret?” Her eyes twinkled and she grinned, leaning forwards with interest.

Buffy and Lily exchanged a look. “Actually, yes,” Buffy said slowly, and Mandy quickly sobered up.

“Whatever it is, you can tell us,” she said seriously, Samantha nodding in agreement. “We promise we won’t tell. Do the guys know?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, “so you don’t have to worry about accidentally letting something slip in front of them. But no one else. Anyway, I just figured it was time for you two to find out as well - we’ve been friends for a long while now...”

“Not in my case,” Samantha interrupted quietly.

“Not as long as Mandy, no,” Lily said, “but long enough, and we trust you.”

Samantha smiled shyly.

“And therefore we think you deserve to know some things about me,” Buffy said. “You’ll probably not believe me at first, but Dumbledore can confirm everything I say.”

“Alright,” Mandy said slowly, more curious than anything else. “What is it about, and why are you telling us now?”

“Well, like I said, you’re my friends,” Buffy said, “and I’ve been thinking about telling you for quite some time, but it never seemed like the right moment, and I could never find the right words… But better late than never.” She took a deep breath and dropped the bomb. “I’m the Vampire Slayer.”

Samantha blinked.

Mandy looked confused. “The what?”

“You’ve…never heard of her?” Lily wondered.

“No…I’m Muggleborn, remember?” Mandy reminded them. “Sam?”

“I’ve never heard of her either,” Samantha said, frowning. “Is it a pureblood thing?”

“Not exactly,” Lily said. “It seems we’ll have to explain the entire myth…”

“I’ll do it,” Buffy said, and cleared her throat importantly. “Into every generation a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One. One born with strength and skill to fight the vampires, demons, and forces of darkness.”

“Oh,” Mandy said. “And…you’re her?”

“Yes. And in this world, I’m also a myth. Something witches and wizards tell their children to make the ‘demons’ under the bed go away.”

“Wait, this world?” Samantha wondered. “What do you mean, _this_ world?”

“Do you remember when I arrived?”

Mandy snorted. “How can we forget? A Portkey accident, wasn’t it?”

“No.” Buffy shook her head, to the girls’ confusion. “I didn’t arrive the way I did because of a Portkey accident. I arrived through a portal from another dimension, where the Slayer does exist, but there is no magical community. I was never home schooled as a witch,” Buffy continued. “I’ve always been ‘just’ the Slayer,’ until I arrived here, and ‘became’ a witch as well. Dumbledore’s trying to find a way to send me back, but he hasn’t been successful yet…and to be honest, that doesn’t bother me. I like it here.”

“Okay,” Mandy said, swallowing as she tried to process all this information. Beside her Samantha was staring at Buffy as though she’d never seen her before. “So…you’re a dimensional traveler?”

“Yes. And time traveler as well,” Buffy added. “In ‘my world,’ the year is 1998. Or it was, when I ‘left.’ Time might move differently there.” Buffy winced. “Am I freaking you out?”

“A little bit,” Samantha choked out. “But I’m fine. Or I will be. Mandy?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” Mandy said, taking a deep breath. “Just a lot to swallow, that’s all. Umm…can you find information on the Slayer myth in the library?”

“Yes,” Lily said. “I can show you, if you’d like, once we get back to Hogwarts.”

“That would be nice,” Mandy said gratefully. “I think I need to see this mythical information on paper before I can, you know, accept it. Is that alright?”

“Sure,” Buffy said. “I don’t blame you in the slightest. In fact, you’re taking it a lot better than I thought. Sam?”

“Yes?”

“Are you alive?” Buffy wondered, her voice a mixture between amused and worried.

“Huh? Oh, yes, just a little shocked,” Samantha said. “I think I’ll go to the library and look it up as well when the holidays are over. But I’m fine with it. A little surprised, like I said, but fine. Just a lot to swallow at once.” She smiled bashfully. “I’m glad you decided to tell us.”

“No problem,” Buffy said, smiling back, feeling relieved now that all her friends knew the truth about her, and she no longer had anything to hide. It would make talking to them so much easier, knowing she wouldn’t have to hold anything back, or lie. 

The carriage came to halt, and Buffy climbed out, Lily, Samantha and Mandy following in rapid succession.

“Let’s go find our boys, shall we?” Mandy said with a grin, motioning towards the train standing still on the tracks, the giant locomotive letting out a large amount of steam to a loud, piercing whistle. “If I know them right, they’re somewhere in the back.”

“The very back,” Lily said. “It’s their ‘Marauder compartment’. They’ve been using it together ever since second year, and James and Sirius met there for the first time in first year.”

“A match made in Heaven,” Buffy said theatrically.

Lily snorted. “Hell, you mean. Hogwarts hasn’t had a calm moment since!”

“But you wouldn’t have it any other way,” Mandy said quietly, with a knowing smile.

“No,” Lily admitted, stepping onto the train, following a cluster of giggly second-years. “Loathe as I am to admit it, I can’t imagine a Hogwarts without the Marauders. They make the place come alive, and I have a feeling that, as much as I used to complain about their antics, if they had suddenly stopped, I would have missed them.”

“Too true,” Samantha agreed, a nostalgic, yet wistful smile on her face. “They were the only thing that made me laugh during my first few years there.”

Lily, Buffy and Mandy exchanged a look, inwardly promising each other to make sure Samantha had much to laugh about in the future. No one should have to be sad and alone as she had been before Peter entered her life.

Finally arriving at the last compartment, Lily shot the door open, and, as expected, found the marauders sitting there playing Exploding Snap.

“Did you tell them?” Remus wondered quietly, looking up at Buffy as she sat down beside him, looking at his hand of cards with interest. Opposite him, Sirius cards exploded, singing his eyebrows. Sirius quickly re-grew them with a charm, doing his best to ignore the sniggers coming from his friends.

“Yes,” Buffy said, grinning widely, leaning her head against his shoulder. “I told them.”

* * *

 **Published:** 03/01 -14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Keira Knightley as Mandy Walker.


	18. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. The original “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer” belongs to Johnny Marks, though the wizarding version in this story was made by me. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for mine, and others, entertainment.

“Do you think they’ll like me?” Buffy asked nervously, while looking around the snow-covered platform of 9 ¾ curiously, as it was her first time here. The train ride to the station had passed by mostly uneventful, the Marauders having played games to pass the time. The only trouble had arrived when Severus Snape entered their compartment with a Christmas gift for Lily, which she’d accepted with a small sigh, an even smaller smile and a soft “merry Christmas.”

If it weren’t for the fact that Snape had _smiled_ at the Christmas greeting, James and Sirius would probably have come to blows, or at least blurt out an insult that was sure to ruin the Christmas mood – as it was, the shock had made them unable to do anything but stare at the Slytherin with dropped jaws until he left.

All Lily had said afterwards was that she might not agree with Severus’ views on certain matters regarding the good of the wizarding world, but there was no reason to be rude, either. They had been friends, once upon a time, and she would respect that time by being civil: Especially when he went to such an effort for her, even though she couldn’t accept the choices he made in the present, and probably would make, in the future.

“How could they not?” Remus said, smiling gently at Buffy, before waving goodbye to James, Lily, Sirius and Mandy, who had just been picked up by James parents – the next second, they disappeared from the platform, most probably through a portkey.

“I’m terrified I’ll mess up,” Buffy confessed. “What if they hate me, and they ban me from seeing you?”

“Now you’re just being ridiculous,” Remus scoffed. “They’ll love you. So stop worrying!”

“Bye Remus, bye Buffy,” Samantha said, before hurrying towards the wrought-iron archway that led to the muggle world. “I hope you have a nice holiday!”

“Bye, Sam, merry Christmas!” The couple chorused, before waving heartily to Peter, who, a second later, apparated away with his mother.

Slowly, the platform emptied, until only Buffy and Remus remained.

“I hope nothing’s happened,” Remus said worriedly, sinking down on his trunk and breaking the silence that had fallen over them.

“I’m sure they’re just running late,” Buffy said, though she was worried to, especially since the article in the Daily Prophet about the Death Eater attack.

Suddenly, a frenzied man with uncombed light-brown hair stumbled through the gate. Remus stood up quickly. “Dad!” He exclaimed. “What took you so long?”

“Sorry, sorry,” Jonathan Lupin said, with a wide but apologetic smile as he embraced his son. “We didn’t get your letter until this afternoon, and everything got really stressful as we had to get the cottage ready to receive a guest.” He smiled kindly at Buffy, blue eyes – the same shade as his son’s – sparkling brightly. “You must be Buffy?”

“Yes, sir,” Buffy said nervously. “It’s very nice to meet you.”

“It’s very nice to meet you too,” Remus father said, chuckling. “But none of that proper stuff, if you please – call me Jonathan – ‘sir’ makes me feel old!”

Buffy grinned, already feeling more comfortable. Something about Jonathan Lupin was very relaxing. His presence immediately gave her a sense of calm and security, and made her feel as though she’d known him forever.

“Where’s mum?” Remus wondered as they left the platform through the wrought iron-archway, and navigated themselves trough the mass amount of muggles at Kings Cross station towards the parking lot.

“She stayed at home,” Jonathan answered. “She was feeling a little tired, and she wanted to be at her best when you arrived home.”

“She’s not ill, is she?” Remus sounded worried, and Jonathan ruffled up his hair while chuckling, until it looked even more uncombed than his own. Remus grimaced slightly, and tried to flatten it down, but Buffy could see he didn’t try very hard. In fact, he looked secretly pleased at his father’s gesture of affection.

“No, just a bit tired. The Christmas stress and all,” Jonathan said. “The news of another person arriving just added some more.”

Buffy immediately felt guilty, and it must have shown on her face, because Jonathan quickly spoke up again. “Not that we’re not happy to have you with us over Christmas,” he assured her. “In fact, it’s great news. It was just slightly unexpected.”

Remus smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, dad. It was sort of a spur of the moment decision.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Jonathan chortled. “Like I said, it’s great news. Remus has never brought a girl home before.” He winked at Buffy, who blushed.

“Dad!” Remus exclaimed, flushing as well.

“What, it’s true!” Jonathan said, ducking a swipe from his son. “Just a couple of visits from Lily, and your mum and I are perfectly aware that you’re just friends.” He grinned devilishly. “In fact, it became completely obvious during her first visit when she spent half the time ranting about some idiotic thick-headed prat named James Potter.”

Buffy and Remus both snorted with laughter. “They’re dating now,” Remus supplied, and Jonathan grinned.

“I knew it. What about your other two friends? Sirius and Peter? Have they settled down?”

“Believe it or not, Sirius has,” Remus said.

“I never would have thought,” Jonathan chuckled, shaking his head. “I thought he would be ever the bachelor.”

“So did he,” Buffy sniggered. “And then he fell head over heels.”

“It happens when you least expect it,” Jonathan agreed, chuckling. “It’s what happened to me when I first saw your mum.”

“Dad!” Remus groaned. “Buffy doesn’t want to hear about your escapades during your days of rebellion.”

“Yes, I do!” Buffy insisted, grinning. “Could be interesting.”

“Story about my rebellious youth, coming right up,” Jonathan promised. “Followed by embarrassing diaper-tales a la baby Remus and running-around-naked-in-the-garden-reminiscing. Ah, those were the days!” Jonathan sighed, while unlocking the muggle automobile that belonged to the Lupins – a white, slightly dirty, Ford Cortina Mark III.

“You drove the car here?” Remus asked, his voice slightly nervous for some reason.

Jonathan Lupin beamed. “Yes! You know your mother’s been giving me driving lessons over the years…”

“Years?” Buffy muttered to Remus, who nodded miserably.

“Yes. And he still can’t tell the accelerator from the brake pedal. Let me drive, dad!” Remus insisted, rushing forwards and taking the car keys from his dad, who took them right back.

“Nonsense!” Jonathan insisted, holding the keys high up above their heads. “The road is slippery. I already crashed into a lamppost on the way here! I am not taking any chances.”

Remus and Buffy looked down and saw a large buckle on the front of the car. They both visibly gulped.

“Really, dad,” Remus said firmly. “Let me drive.” He jumped up and forcibly grabbed the car keys from Jonathan, who opened his mouth to protest. “You need to rest, if you drove here,” Remus continued, ignoring his father’s spluttering. “I, on the other hand, rested on the train. You just get into the car with Buffy and entertain her with all the embarrassing stories you had about me.”

Jonathan brightened slightly, though he still looked uncertain. “Well, if you’re sure you can handle it…”

Remus practically forced his father into the backseat. “I’m sure,” he said, motioning for Buffy to follow.

“Do you have a driver’s license?” Buffy asked him with a whisper.

Remus flushed slightly. “No. But I know how to drive. I’ve just never gotten to actually taking the test…I haven’t had the time. But it’s way safer with me in the driver’s seat than my dad. So don’t tell him. I’m not even sure he knows you need a license… It’s a wonder he hasn’t been pulled over,” he added, looking at the buckled front with a grimace.

“My lips are sealed,” Buffy promised.

* * *

The moment James, Sirius, Lily and Mandy walked off of the train, they were separated from Peter, Buffy, Remus and Samantha, due to the large crowd. Everyone on Platform 9 ¾ seemed to be nervous and in a hurry.

Lily guessed it was because of the Death Eater attack a couple of weeks back. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Amanda Lorne, the Gryffindor seeker, look rather lost. Her eyes were red-rimmed, her hair messy and clothes wrinkled, as though she’d done nothing but cry and her appearance had been the furthest thing from her mind.

Amanda has lost both her parents in the attack, and Lily wondered who was coming to pick the third year up. Her question was answered a second later when an old, stern looking woman took her by the hand and practically dragged her off towards the barrier leading to the muggle world.

“James, Sirius!” A bright voice said, breaking up Lily’s thoughts, and the redhead looked up.

“Mum, dad,” James said, embracing his parents quickly, placing a kiss on his mother’s cheek, flushed red from the cold.

“Hi Mr. and Mrs. P,” Sirius said, grinning widely and punching Mr. Potter in the arm with a familiar gesture.

Mr. Potter, though aged, with thinning hair that was more grey than black, and slightly wrinkled skin, was still looking very youthful and full of vitality. “James. Sirius.” His eyes twinkled merrily, making him look a lot younger than he actually was. “And this must be Mandy Walker, and the famous Lily Evans. I’ve heard a lot about you, over the years.”

“I am not surprised in the least,” Lily said, holding out her hand for the older Potter to shake. Mr. Potter, however, bowed down and placed a kiss on Lily’s knuckles instead, making the redhead flush. Only from this short action, she could tell were James got his joking personality. “I’m Harold Potter, and the goddess beside me is Lorraine, my wife. We have the honour of being your escorts today.”

Mandy giggled from beside Sirius.

“I would love to stay and chat,” Mrs. Potter interrupted, rolling her eyes. “But the quicker we get away from the platform, the better. I might be paranoid,” she said dryly, “but better safe than sorry.” She pulled out the long, ivory hairpin that had held up her hair in a bun. From the colour Lily could spy beneath and between the greying straws as it fell down to frame her face, she figured it had probably been a rather fetching shade of red when she was younger.

“Grab hold please,” Mrs. Potter said, holding out the hairpin.

“Portkey?” Mandy wondered, and Mrs. Potter nodded kindly.

“Yes.”

Everybody grabbed hold, and Mr. Potter tapped the hairpin twice, while muttering something Lily couldn’t catch. Lily felt a tug in her navel – she was glad she hadn’t stuffed herself full on the train – and the world disappeared in a swirl of colours.

* * *

The world finally stopped spinning, and Lily found herself sprawled upon snow covered grass, a familiar face peering down at her in amusement.

“Not used to portkey travel?”

“Help me up instead, will you?” Lily muttered, embarrassed she’d made a fool out of herself in front of James’ parents. Luckily, they didn’t seem to have noticed – they were instead moving their wands in the air, in several different and strange patterns, while muttering under the breaths.

James grinned, and held out his hand, which Lily took – and used to pull him down beside her, before jumping up.

James gave her a mock glare, brushing off his clothes as he stood up. Mandy and Sirius were snickering at them in the background.

“What are they doing?” Lily whispered to James, pointing towards his parents.

“Making an opening for you and Mandy in the wards,” James explained. “The Potter Manor is hidden beneath several layers of protective charms and enchantments. It takes ages to key someone new in, but it’s worth it. It’s completely unplottable, and extremely safe.”

“So where are we, map-wise?” Lily wondered. “Are we still in England, or…?”

“Jersey, actually, James supplied, grinning we he saw Lily’s surprised look.

“That’s quite far from the main land,” Lily remarked. “Isn’t it troublesome?”

“Not really,” James said. “You can always floo or portkey, after all. And once I crossed the English Channel on broomstick. It took ages, and it was freezing cold, but awesome!”

Lily rolled her eyes. Typical!

“It might have been more taxing to live here if my parents were still employed at the Ministry, but they retired soon after I was born,” James continued. “When they were still working full-time, they did live in London, but we moved here a couple of months after my second birthday - the Manor has been here for as long as there have been Potters. Practically everyone in the Potter lineage has lived here one time or another, so it was an easy decision to make.”

“There!” Mr. Potter exclaimed happily, interrupting their conversation. “That should do it. Come on!” He walked forwards, and Lily’s eyes widened as he suddenly disappeared. In one second, he was there, and the next, he wasn’t.

Hesitantly, Lily followed with the others, and a shudder went through her as she passed the place where Mr. Potter had disappeared. _‘A ward of some kind.’_

For several seconds, it felt as though she was walking through a thick, deafening mist. She couldn’t hear anything, or see anything but white, and just as she was beginning to panic, the mist disappeared and a large manor came into view.

The next second, James was there, hugging her tightly. “I’m so sorry!” He exclaimed. “I should have held your hand as we walked through the ward – it is really disconcerting when you’re not used to it.”

Lily smiled weakly. “I’m fine. I was just surprised. What kind of ward was it?”

“I have no idea what it’s called, actually. Only what happens if you don’t have permission to pass through.” James shuddered. “You don’t want to know what it does, trust me,” he added at Lily’s questioning look. “It’s one of my dad’s crazier and more dangerous ideas.”

“Your dad came up with that ward?” Mandy asked.

“Yes,” James said. “He’s a ward designer. Well, he used to be, before he retired, anyway.”

“Are you coming, or are you going to stand outside in the cold all day?” Mr. Potter yelled out through a window.

“There’s food!” Mrs. Potter added.

Sirius and James gave each other a look. A second later, they rushed inside the large manor, shouting and whooping, leaving a stupefied Mandy and Lily behind in the snowy courtyard.

Mandy rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “Boys,” she muttered.

Lily grinned.

* * *

The Lupin family home was in Kent - a small homey looking cottage in front of a large forest. Several times through his childhood, after he was bitten, they’d had to move, because of their neighbours becoming suspicious, but they’d never sold this house. And when Remus went to Hogwarts, his parents had made one final move back to where he was born, bred and bitten, not able to stay away from a place with so many memories, good and bad.

Remus sighed as he finally pulled up in front of the building, turning the engine off. The drive home had felt twice as long as it was due to his father’s never ending comments about his son’s driving abilities – or rather, lack thereof. Remus had come close to almost cursing him more than once. And when Jonathan hadn’t been complaining, he’d been entertaining Buffy with embarrassing stories from his childhood that never seemed to end – Remus was quite sure Buffy would never see him the same way again. Not to mention, the blonde Slayer now had an endless source of blackmail.

The three passengers stumbled out, and were met by a woman with strawberry blonde hair and brown eyes who walked out of the cottage, hands on her hips. “What took you so long?”

“Hi, mum,” Remus greeted, walking up and giving the woman a hug, which Dana Lupin absently returned. “Don’t let dad take the car next time,” he added with a mutter.

Dana’s eyes widened. “Jonathan!” She exclaimed, glaring. “You took the car? I told you to apparate and then take the Knight Bus with the children! I swear, a woman goes to rest her eyes for two seconds, and her husband makes her regret it.”

Jonathan scratched his head sheepishly. “Well…it was such a nice day outside,” he defended himself. “And I only crashed once.”

It was the wrong thing to say. “YOU CRASHED WITH THE CAR?” Dana exploded, and Remus and Buffy winced, both in sympathy and because of the large volume.

“Nothing to worry about, I swear,” Jonathan said, smiling nervously. “It’s just a tiny bump, barely noticeable...”

Dana’s jaw dropped as she took in the appearance of the car for the first time. “A tiny bump?” She repeated in disbelief. “A _tiny_ bump? You call that tiny?” She pointed at the large buckle incredulously.

“Well…” Jonathan let a hand run over the buckle slowly. “Maybe not tiny…perhaps…medium sized?”

Dana’s face became redder and redder, and Remus quickly intervened, sensing the impending outburst. “Mum! This is Buffy, my girlfriend. Buffy, this is my mother, Dana. I’m sure you’ll get along great.” Remus pushed Buffy towards his mother, before hurrying back towards the car and a visibly relieved Jonathan Lupin. “Dad! Help me with the trunks will you?”

“Hi,” Buffy said, smiling nervously, holding out her hand. “I’m Buffy.”

“Dana,” Dana said, shaking Buffy’s hand with a smile, albeit a slightly tense one. “It’s very nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Buffy said.

Dana nodded once, before walking back into the cottage. “Remus, join me in the kitchen when you’re done, will you?”

“Sure,” Remus said, his and Buffy’s trunks floating behind him, as he walked up to stand beside the Slayer, who was feeling slightly stumped at the quick dismissal from his mother. “So how do you like my parents?” He asked in a low voice.

Buffy flashed him a grin. “Your dad’s hilarious, just like you said he would be.”

“And my mother?” Remus sounded slightly apprehensive.

“She’s nice.”

“…But?” Remus added questioningly, worry in his voice when Buffy didn’t continue.

“But I have a feeling she doesn’t like me that much,” Buffy admitted with a sigh.

“Like I said, she’s slightly overprotective,” Remus said. “She’ll warm up to you soon enough.” He placed a kiss into her hair, and Buffy smiled weakly, not feeling even half as sure, especially not when she caught Dana Lupin’s narrowed eyes through a nearby window. The woman was frowning slightly, her lips pursed in disapproval.

* * *

“You wanted to see me?” Remus asked curiously as he entered the kitchen, where his mother was busy cooking dinner.

“Yes,” Dana said tersely. “Sit down.”

Remus frowned and crossed his arms, but didn’t sit. “You’re upset,” he noted.

Dana’s shoulder tensed up. “What makes you say that?” She said through gritted teeth, while chopping an onion, almost cutting off her own finger in the process.

“The fact that you’re attacking that onion like it’s a Death Eater, for one thing,” Remus said shortly. “And you blew up at dad, and made Buffy feel as though she wasn’t welcome.”

“Well, your father can be an idiot,” Dana snapped. “And as for your girlfriend – I don’t want her here.”

“Why?” Remus demanded to know, eyes flashing. “I thought you’d be happy for me!”

“I am!” Dana said, throwing the chopping-knife into the sink with a frustrated gesture while laughing hysterically. “I am happy that you’re happy and that you’ve found yourself a girlfriend. But did you have to bring her home with you?”

“I thought you wanted to meet her,” Remus snapped defensively.

“I did. But I’d like a bit more forewarning, next time,” Dana snapped back, turning around, eyes red-rimmed. “And maybe, next time, don’t bring her when you should be perfectly well aware of what time of the month it is!”

“The time of the…” Remus trailed off. “Mum, is this about the full-moon?” He asked gently, placing a hand on his mother’s shoulder, all his anger evaporating.

“What if she finds out?” Dana asked. “How are we supposed to explain to her why you have to disappear on Christmas Eve?”

“She already knows,” Remus said softly. “She figured it out. And she’s fine with it.”

Dana blinked. “She’s fine with it?”

“Yes,” Remus said, smiling gently, and pulling his mother in for a hug. “You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Dana smiled shakily. “I wish that were true,” she muttered.

“Whatever it is that’s wrong, we’ll get through it,” Remus said. “Please, don’t cry.”

“I’m not,” Dana protested. “It’s the damn onions.”

Remus chuckled. “If you insist.”

Dana pulled away with a sigh, wiping her face on her apron. “I’m so silly,” she sniffed.

“A little bit,” Remus agreed, smiling.

Dana chuckled weakly. “I’ve just got a lot on my plate at the moment,” she said. “Your father’s bookstore wasn’t going well, and he recently had to close it, which means our only source of income is gone. I was going to sell the car, but the buckle will lower its worth, unless we repair it first, which costs money we can’t afford until we’ve sold it!” She breathed heavily, clutching her abdomen and sinking down on a chair.

“On top of that, you’re graduating soon, and unless a miracle comes along, I doubt you’ll get many well-paying job opportunities, despite your excellent grades, which is another worry and dent in our budget,” Dana continued rambling, slightly hysterical. “Greyback is sneaking around and he’s been sending death threats to your father who pretends like it’s nothing to worry about, and, I’m pregnant again, which means I can’t work, and in about six months time, we’ll have yet another mouth to feed…”

She buried her face in her hands. Remus stared at her with wide eyes.

“I’m going to be a big brother?” He asked, at the same time as another voice from the door opening said:

“I’m going to be a father?” Jonathan Lupin stepped into the room, wonder on his face.

“John…” Dana said resignedly. “I didn’t want you to find out like this…And I’m too old to be a mother again.”

“You’re not old!” Remus and Jonathan chorused.

“The Potters were a lot older when they had James,” Remus said.

“And if you’re old, I’m ancient,” Jonathan joked. “I’m ten years older than you, remember? And I don’t want to be ancient. I feel as though I’m in my prime.”

Dana sniffed slightly, her lips quivering, as she tried to smile. “But money…”

Buffy hovered in the doorway, feeling as though she was intruding on a family moment, especially as all three Lupins proceeded to engage in a group-hug, laughing and crying at the same time. “Let me worry about that,” Jonathan muttered to Dana. “It will all work out. You’ll see.”

Dana nodded jerkily, before looking up. She smiled at Buffy tearfully, holding out a hand. “Come here,” she said.

Buffy hesitated.

“Please,” Dana added. “And I apologise for my earlier behaviour. I was tired, but that’s not an excuse.”

Buffy grinned and walked over, joining the Lupins in the hug. “You don’t have to apologise,” she said, voice slightly muffled by Remus’ shirt. “I understand. And congratulations.”

“Though we may not be a family with the best of luck in the world,” Jonathan said dryly, “this child, however untimely it might be, is a Christmas miracle in itself.”

Remus and Buffy grinned.

* * *

**25 December**

Christmas Day came and went, and before they knew it, it was Christmas night. Remus spent the day curled up on the sofa, wrapped in several blankets and being generally spoiled as his parents and Buffy wanted him to be at full strength when moon rise came along.

Remus knew better than complain, as the pampering included chocolate in all forms, backrubs and feet massages by a dedicated girlfriend, lots of snogging, first dibs on the remote control to the television, and the first one to get to open his presents: He loved the notebook, in which Buffy had written _Property of Moony, who likes to snuggle, chocolate, and Buffy Summers. Approach me at your own risk: I might bite._

Buffy had also gotten him and all of the other marauders tickets to the first Star Wars movie – she insisted it would be brilliant, and that James and Sirius especially would appreciate it, if not because of the movie itself, then because of it being their first movie-experience.

“What about Romulus if it’s a boy?” Jonathan suggested, pulling Dana into his lap as she walked by with a plate of chocolate chip cookies. “It goes with Remus.”

“We’re not naming my little brother _Romulus,”_ Remus exclaimed, horrified. “That’s a disaster waiting to happen.”

“Well, got any better ideas, Mr. Genius?” Jonathan asked dryly.

“If it’s a girl, what about Sarah, or some other traditional name? Nice, simple, and pretty,” Remus said. “Or, since you named me after you, dad, maybe you should name this kid after mum.”

“That’s…not a bad idea,” Dana almost glowed with happiness. “Diana, maybe. Daniel, if it’s a boy.”

“Daniel, or Diana as a second name, then, since John is your second name, Remus,” Jonathan decided.

“Maybe Adrian. Or Chase,” Buffy suggested. ”And if it’s a girl, personally, I have always liked the name Elizabeth,” Buffy mused out loud. “When I was little, I always wished that was my real name, and that Buffy was only a nickname.

“Isn’t Chase really unusual though?” Dana wondered. “But I like Adrian.”

“And I like Elizabeth,” Jonathan said, grinning at Buffy. “Hmm…Elizabeth Diana Lupin, or Adrian Daniel Lupin. You hear that,” he said, poking Dana’s stomach, making her giggle. “Your name is either Elizabeth, or Adrian. And so mote it be – your parents, brother and your brother’s future wife have spoken.”

 _‘Future wife…’_ Buffy mused silently. Though she didn’t tend to think about the future, this wasn’t a thought she minded at all. She grinned at a blushing Remus, a warm, tingling feeling of happiness settling in her stomach as he smiled back, blue eyes sparkling.

No…she didn’t mind it at all.

* * *

“Who is that from, Peter?” Mrs. Pettigrew – Margaret - asked from her rocking-chair, which was squeaking slightly as she leaned forward to give Peter’s gift a closer look.

“Samantha Lowell,” Peter said, while grinning widely at the sight of the large candy selection inside the basket that had been hidden beneath a large amount of wrapping paper.

Margaret frowned. “Lowell…I haven’t heard that name before. Is she a new friend, darling?”

“Yes.” Peter couldn’t help the slight blush that appeared on his cheeks. “We met this year. She’s very nice.” He wished Samantha could have come with him for Christmas. Maybe he wouldn’t feel so lonely then. But for that to happen, he would have needed to work up courage enough to ask.

Margaret gave her son a knowing look over her glasses, which Peter ignored. “I’m sure she is. Now, why don’t you open my gift?”

Peter nodded, and reached for a red-and gold wrapped package, which, if he was to judge from the softness of it, was some sort of clothing.

A bright turquoise robe with even brighter yellow stripes in stiff looking material fell out. It looked quite old fashioned, with quite a bit of lace, and on the back was some sort of purple embroidery in the shape of various flowers and stars. Peter turned a bright – albeit slightly forced - smile to his mother. “It’s lovely,” he said. “What is it?”

“Why, your dress robes of course!” Margaret exclaimed. “For your graduating ball. You will be the most handsome young man there.”

Peter was still smiling. In fact, it felt as though it was permanently stuck in its current position. “Oh. Well. Thank you. They’re…very…” _‘Ugly. Conservative. Strange. Blinding.’_ “…Dazzling,” he finished. _‘I’ll look like an old maid.’_

His mother beamed. “I knew you’d like them. I found them completely by accident, and they weren’t cheap – apparently they belonged to one of the Wizarding Kings, when our world still was under the rule of monarchy.”

“I’m flattered that you went to such lengths for me, mother.” _‘Was the King colour blind? Is my_ mother _colour blind?’_

“Stand up,” Margaret rose from her chair.

Peter blinked. “Huh?”

“Stand up! I am going to teach you how to dance. In fact, why don’t you put on the robes as well? I want to see how you look!”

Peter’s smile finally fell and his shoulders slumped. _‘Why me?’_

“Oh, don’t look so glum!” Margaret scoffed. “You will thank me after the ball. I will not have my son romp around the dance floor, looking as though you had two left feet and was raised by baboons.”

“Yes, mother.”

* * *

Samantha sighed, looking out of the living room window morosely, staring at the snowflakes that had been falling ever since that morning.

“What are you thinking about?” A curious voice wondered, and Samantha turned around to smile at her younger sister, Melanie, her light brown locks tied up with a red ribbon.

“My friends. I sort of miss them,” she confessed.

Melanie frowned, scrunching up her face in confusion. “But I thought I was your best friend.”

Samantha grinned and ruffled up her hair. “You are. But I can have more than one friend, can’t I?”

Melanie pouted slightly. “I suppose…”

“Since when do you have friends?” Another voice cut in and a boy with hair a shade lighter than the smaller girl’s, pushed himself in front of Melanie.

Samantha rolled her eyes. Her brother could be such a little pest.

“Go away, stupid!” Melanie exclaimed angrily, stomping her foot.

Nine-year old William Lowell only stuck out his tongue at the six-year old in answer.

“Stop fighting,” Samantha admonished gently. “It’s Christmas Eve.”

“And you wish you were at Hogwarts, don’t you?” William asked, smirking.

Samantha frowned in confusion. “No.”

 _“Hot chocolate and glittering snow,”_ William recited theatrically. _“A burning fire, a glowing ember. A smile. A laugh. Peter Pettigrew, a day in December.”_

Samantha grew red. “You read my diary?”

William smirked. “It’s pathetic. You’re seventeen and you’re writing a diary about your itty-bitty feelings. Poetry! Blerk! And what kind of name is that, anyway? _Pettigrew?”_

“Shut up!”

“Make me!” William blew a raspberry before running off.

Samantha sighed, making a mental note to charm her diary so only she could read it. Will had a point though. She was sort of pathetic.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

Samantha blinked, having forgotten Melanie was there.

“Eh…no.”

“Do you want to?” Melanie asked innocently. “Do you like that Peter person?”

Samantha opened her mouth to answer, but no sound came out. Her eyes fell on the muggle record player Peter had gotten her for Christmas. It had been really sweet of him. And really thoughtful. A lot better than her stupid candy basket. What had she been thinking? They might be _just friends_ but she could have made a little more effort!

“Yes, I do,” she answered.

“Does he know?” Her sister asked curiously.

“No.”

“Won’t you tell him?”

“It’s not that simple,” Samantha said patiently. “Besides, I don’t know if he likes me that way.”

“Then ask him!” Melanie begged. “Write him a love letter!”

Samantha flushed slightly. “Uh…I don’t think so.” Her eyes fell on the record player again. “But I will write him a thank you note,” she added thoughtfully.

“A long thank you note!” Melanie prodded. “I think he’ll like that.”

Samantha laughed. “Alright. A long thank you note.”

* * *

_You know Daisy and Milly and Lucky and Tatty,  
Conny and Cissy and Delly and Batty.  
But, do you recall,  
The most famous house-elf of all?_

_Ruddy the eccentric house-elf  
Only wanted to be free.  
But all of the other house-elves  
Said that ”that’s insanity.”_

_”Working and serving humans  
Is the only thing we know.”  
But the eccentric house-elf  
Was tired of the constant bow._

_And during all his slavery  
His owner gave him clothes.  
"Ruddy, you’re talented and good,  
Go find your way to Hollywood.”_

_Ruddy felt his heart swell.  
”Now I can travel far.  
Now that I am a free elf,  
I can act on stage and be a star.”_

Lily and Mandy almost laughed their heads off when they heard the wizarding version of _Rudolph, the Red nosed Reindeer_ stream out of the wizarding wireless, to the confusion of James and Sirius.

“What’s so funny?” James asked, pouting slightly.

“Oh, we’re just musing over the lack of originality within wizarding music,” Mandy chuckled. “The song that just played – it’s practically a rip-off of this muggle Chrismas carol. The only difference is that it’s about a reindeer instead of a house-elf, the plot is slightly different, but the overall message is the same.”

“How do you know it isn’t the other way around?” Sirius defended with a huff. “Maybe the muggles stole the idea from us wizards!”

Lily and Mandy exchanged a look, and burst out laughing again. “No one within the muggle music industry would ever redo a song like that! Their reaction would be like ours, but slightly more condescending,” Lily chortled. “I can see why a witch or wizard would see enough charm in the muggle version to make them redo it though. Compared to some of the other wizarding music I’ve heard, it’s actually pretty decent.”

“On the behalf of the magical population of Britain, we take offense to that,” James said, self-importantly, sitting up a bit straighter. “I don’t get what makes you so certain muggles are so much better at entertainment!”

“Have you opened the present from Buffy, yet?” Mandy asked amusedly.

Sirius shrugged. “Yes, so? It’s only paper-slips of some kind.”

“It’s tickets,” Lily corrected. “To the movie theatre. You’ll be going to see Star Wars. It’s a muggle movie, and it recently came out – it will premiere here, in Britain, the day after tomorrow. Buffy saw it in the future and she says it’s very good.

“Believe me, after you’ve seen it, you’ll agree that wizarding entertainment have nothing on what the muggle world can come up with,” Mandy added.

“Do you want to bet?” Sirius challenged, sticking his nose in the air. “I bet I’ll be bored, and afterwards, I’ll be the one laughing my head off.” James nodded in agreement, crossing his arms.

“No need,” Lily said lightly. “We don’t want to embarrass you more than necessary. But Mandy and I reserve the right to tell you ‘we told you so’ when the movie ends.”

“Now, now, children, don’t fight,” Lorraine lightly scolded, but with an amused smile as she entered the room with her husband, carrying a tray with glasses. “Eggnog, anyone?”

* * *

 **Published:** 03/01 -14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers.


	19. Flesh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**28 December**

Three days after Christmas, the marauders, along with Buffy, Mandy, Lily and Samantha, all gathered in a movie theatre in London. “Sirius, stop it!” Mandy hissed, turning around in her seat to glare at her boyfriend, who was amusing himself by throwing popcorn in her hair, as they waited for the movie to begin.

Sirius smirked, throwing the next handful of popcorn at Lily instead. James, sitting beside him, snickered.

“Maybe we should change the seating arrangement,” Samantha suggested with a sigh. “With James and Sirius behind us, we won’t have a calm moment.”

“Good idea,” Buffy said, turning around and climbing over her seat. “Sirius, move it.”

Rolling his eyes, Sirius climbed down, sitting down in Buffy’s seat, immediately wrapping an arm around Mandy. Buffy, in turn, took Sirius’ old seat beside Remus, who grinned at her, placing a sweet kiss on her lips. “Why didn’t we do this from the beginning?” He asked.

Buffy shrugged.

“What about me?!” James complained, pouting.

It was Lily’s turn to climb over the seat, motioning for Peter to switch places with her, so she, James, Buffy and Remus were in the top row, and Sirius, Mandy, Peter and Samantha in the row below. “And now that the seating arrangements are okay, can we all sit still and be quiet?” The redhead suggested.

“But I want to sit beside Jamie!” Sirius complained, at the same time as James exclaimed; “I want to sit beside Siri!”

“SHUT UP!” Remus, Buffy, Samantha, Peter and a quarter of the full movie theatre exclaimed turning to glare at Sirius and James, who burst out laughing.

“If looks could kill,” Sirius sniggered.

“Do you want to get thrown out?” Lily snapped, finally losing her patience.

“Sorry, Lils,” James said, lips twitching. “Won’t happen again.”

“Make sure it doesn’t,” Lily muttered. “I actually want to enjoy the movie.”

“But it hasn’t started yet!” Sirius defended with a huff. “Ouch!” Mandy had pinched him, hard.

“Shut up, Sirius, or I’ll gag you,” she said sweetly.

Sirius fluttered his eyes at her. “I didn’t know you were into bondage,” he said.

Mandy’s face reddened, and she opened her mouth, no doubt about to exclaim some well chosen words not meant for sensitive ears, but was interrupted by Buffy. “Be quiet, it’s starting!” she said, noticing a familiar blue text fading into view on the screen:

_A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…_

Music streamed out from the speakers into the cinema. On the screen, the title _STAR WARS_ could be seen in large letters, fading out of view slowly, before yellow text began to roll upwards, like a moving stairwell.

“Do we have to read all that?” Sirius complained. The only answer he got was a smack on the head from Mandy.

* * *

When the movie ended, and the end-credits started to appear, most of the people started to flock towards the exit. James and Sirius were sitting stock still though, gawking, unblinkingly at the screen.

Mandy and Lily giggled. “We told you so,” they chorused, grinning at their gobsmacked expressions.

James and Sirius finally seemed to shake themselves out of their stupor. “Wow…” Sirius croaked, completely dumbstruck. “That was…wow. I think I’ve found my favourite thing after sex!” He exclaimed.

The others gave Sirius disgusted looks, which he ignored.

“Honestly,” Lily muttered shaking her head. “How can you stand him?” She asked Mandy.

“I was just asking myself the same question,” Mandy deadpanned.

“Oh, you just can’t resist my charm,” Sirius said, grinning, striking a – to him – sexy pose.

Mandy decided to ignore her boyfriend for the time being, and instead turned her attention to James. “Now, do you agree with Lily and I when we say that wizarding entertainment doesn’t hold a candle to that of the Muggle world?”

“Yes,” James sighed in defeat. “You were right and we were wrong. Feel free to gloat.”

“Oh, don’t worry, we will,” Lily said smugly.

“Will there be a sequel?” Peter piped up. “Sam said she thought so.” He flashed Samantha a grin, and she smiled back, ducking her head.

“Yes,” Buffy informed. “Two of them. The second will premiere in 1980, and the third in 1983. We can go watch them too, if you’d like.”

“No question about it!” Sirius said enthusiastically, ending his theatrical movements when he realised no one was watching him.

Slowly, they made their way towards the exit, the cinema completely empty.

“What did you think?” Buffy asked Remus.

“It was very good,” Remus assured her, squeezing her hand gently.

* * *

“Well, see you all on the Hogwarts Express,” Lily said, once they were outside of the cinema, breathing in the cold night air. “Only a little over a week left.”

“Don’t remind me,” James said, shuddering theatrically. “This holiday has gone by far too quickly.” Pulling out a Portkey – a rope from his robe pocket – he motioned for Lily, Mandy and Sirius to grab hold. “Happy New Year in advance, everyone.”

“Happy New Year,” Buffy, Remus, Peter and Samantha chorused, watching as their friends disappeared from view.

“How will you get home?” Peter asked Samantha. “Apparation?”

“No,” Samantha admitted. “I haven’t been cleared for Apparating long distances. I failed that part of the test, so I’m redoing it with the sixth years in April. But as of now, my Apparation license only covers short jumps.” She grimaced. “I’m taking the Knight Bus.”

Peter winced in sympathy. ”Well, I’m taking the Knight Bus too,” Peter said. “I can keep you company.”

Samantha grinned. “That would be great! Though I don’t see why – you can Apparate, can’t you? No one in their right mind exposes themselves to the Knight Bus voluntarily!”

Peter shrugged. “Who said I was in my right mind?” Holding out his wand hand, a violently purple triple-decker bus appeared in front of them.

“Bye, Remus, bye Buffy!” Samantha and Peter chorused, Peter helping Samantha, her cheeks flushed (was it due to the cold, or due to Peter, Buffy wondered, with a smirk), up.

“Bye!”

The bus disappeared with a loud bang. “Just you and I left.” Remus said. “Shall we Apparate back now, or wait?”

Buffy, not exactly looking forward to the sensation of being squeezed through an extremely tight rubber tube, which was exactly what it felt like when Remus had used Side-Along Apparation with her to get to the cinema, grimaced. “Uh…can we take a walk first?”

Remus gave her a knowing look, as if he knew what she was thinking. “Not a problem.” Taking her hand in his, the two slipped out onto the snow covered streets, looking at the Christmas ornaments in the window displays and the lights hanging from the roofs and in the trees.

It was a calm night.

* * *

**31 December**

“What do you think of this picture?” Dana said, pointing out a photograph in the picture album she was showing Buffy.

It was the last of December, and the Lupin family, along with Buffy, had gathered in the living room in wait for the New Year. A fire was burning brightly in the fireplace, and Muggle jazz music was streaming out from a gramophone standing on the window-sill.

Buffy cooed. “Awww…Re, you were adorable as a child!” She burst out giggling, quickly joined by Remus’ mother.

Remus, on the other hand, was not as amused, and glared half-heartedly from across the room, where he was playing Muggle-chess with his father. “Do you have to show her every humiliating picture you’ve got, mum?” he complained, rolling his eyes.

“But of course, darling,” Dana said sweetly. “I wouldn’t want to rob your girlfriend of the experience of seeing you in all your… _child-like glory.”_

Remus froze, his eyes widening in horror. “Mum…no. You didn’t…” He trailed of, giving his mother a pleading look. “Not the bunny picture.”

Dana Lupin burst out in fresh giggles, clutching Buffy in support, barely able to nod through her tears of laughter streaming from her eyes.

Jonathan gave his son what was supposed to be a supportive look, but there was no denying the glee in his eyes and the twitching of his lips.

Remus stood up with a jerk, his chair falling to the floor, and strode over, jerking away the picture album, staring at the picture with horror. On the photograph, a very naked Remus was half running, half stumbling, around in the garden, chasing after a wild-bunny. A long trail of drool was dripping from his mouth down his naked chest, finally coming to a stop due to the inflatable pink bunny ring surrounding his chubby waist.

Remus felt himself heat up in embarrassment, his cheeks becoming a not-so-flattering red. “Thanks, mum,” he said through gritted teeth, closing the album and handing it back.

Dana just grinned, ignoring the obvious sarcasm. “You’re welcome, sweetie. Ah, you always did love bunnies...”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Buffy added, smirking as Remus groaned. “I thought it was a lovely picture. It really managed to capture your...baby-magnificence.”

“Ha-bloody-ha,” Remus muttered, walking back to his seat, grumbling under his breath about callous mothers and cruel girlfriends.

“It’s your move,” Jonathan informed him as Remus sank back down into his seat.

Remus nodded, lowering his eyes to the board again. He placed his hand on a pawn, about to make a move, when… “Hang on,” he exclaimed, brow furrowing as he inspected the placement of the pieces. He looked up at his father with a reproachful glare. “You’ve cheated again, haven’t you?”

Jonathan gave his son an innocent look, blinking slightly. “What makes you say that?”

“Your queen did not stand in that square when I left!” Remus exclaimed. “And none of my knights were in a danger-zone!”

“Maybe you haven’t been paying attention,” Jonathan shrugged, placing his hands behind his head nonchalantly.

Remus narrowed his eyes before grabbing his wand, moving it over the board, muttering something in latin. Three pieces – Jonathan’s queen and Remus’ two knights – shone up with red, before they moved around, ending up in different squares.

Jonathan’s jaw dropped. “What was that? What did you do?”

“Anti-cheating spell,” Remus said, a smug look on his face. “All pieces that have been moved illegally within the last five minutes automatically return to their correct positions.”

Jonathan pouted. “Damn it. And I was so sure I would get away with it too.”

“Didn’t your mum teach you it isn’t nice to cheat?” Remus told his father lightly, while moving his pawn one square forward.

“Well…yes,” Jonathan admitted with a sigh. “But if I don’t, I’ll lose! I haven’t managed to win a game against you since…eh…”

“Since you taught me. I was six, I believe,” Remus informed him with a grin.

Jonathan grimaced. “Don’t remind me. It’s embarrassing.” After a slight hesitation, he moved his rook five squares.

Grinning, Remus moved his bishop. “Check.”

“What?” Jonathan looked startled. “No way!”

“Yes way,” Remus said. “You shouldn’t have moved your rook. It was the only thing stopping my bishop from placing your king in check. Well…checkmate, actually. Your king is sort of surrounded.”

Jonathan’s mouth opened and closed like a fish, a garbled sound escaping.

Remus smirked. “Just admit defeat. There’s nothing you can do.”

Jonathan’s shoulders’ slumped down. “I need a drink.”

Suddenly, the fire flared green, and the occupants of the living room looked up, startled to see Albus Dumbledore’s floating head. “Jonathan!” The headmaster of Hogwarts exclaimed. “Are you there?”

Jonathan stood up, moving over to the hearth. “I’m here, Albus. What’s going on?”

Dumbledore nodded slightly at Remus, Buffy and Dana who had all stood up, their faces displaying worry. “I’m sorry to bother you in the middle of your New Year’s celebrations,” he said. “But I just got notice of a Death Eater attack raging in North Wiltshire.”

Dana clutched her heart and Remus moved over, placing a hand on his mother’s shoulder comfortingly.

“Are there any casualties?” Buffy asked with a frown, trying to remember whether they had any classmates living in the designated area.

Dumbledore’s eyes darkened. “Too many. I could really use your help, Jonathan,” Dumbledore admitted. “An old…acquaintance…of yours is there,” Dumbledore gave Remus and Dana a quick look, before turning his attention back to Jonathan. “Greyback. With his pack of feral werewolves.”

Dana let out a whimper sinking back down onto the sofa and Remus paled. Buffy gave her boyfriend a look of confusion. Remus shook his head in answer to her unspoken question. ‘Not now,’ he mouthed and Buffy nodded in understanding.

Jonathan’s face became one of determination. “I’ll be there. Should I Apparate?”

“You can’t,” Dumbledore informed him. “There are anti-Apparation-wards put up all over the affected area. Floo to my office – we’ll be taking a Portkey.”

“Alright. Just give me a minute to say goodbye,” Jonathan said. Dumbledore nodded, his head disappearing from the hearth.

“Dana,” Jonathan began, moving over to his wife, only to be interrupted by her pleading look.

“Don’t go,” she begged, grabbing his shoulders hard, her knuckles turning white. “It’s New Years. Please!”

“How can I not?” Jonathan asked with a sigh. “It’s _Greyback,”_ he added, as if that explained everything.

“I don’t care!” Dana exploded. “I don’t care that it’s Greyback! I don’t care about your petty revenge! Your family is here! I’m here! Your unborn child is here! Stay home! Where you’ll be safe! Don’t risk our family for him. Stay. Please.”

Several seconds ticked by, and, for awhile, Buffy thought it seemed as Dana had managed to win her husband over to her side of thinking. That is, until he opened his mouth.

“I can’t.” He placed a kiss on her brow before walking over to the fireplace, throwing in a handful of floo-powder, stepping inside. “Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!” He yelled, disappearing in a rush of green flame.

Dana crumbled into Remus arms, sobbing wildly. Remus clutched his mother closer to him, giving Buffy a helpless look over her shoulder.

Buffy bit her lip, lowering her eyes to the floor. How could everything have gone so wrong so quickly? With a sigh, she left the living room, leaving Remus and his mother alone, feeling that staying there would suffocate her.

* * *

Remus closed the door to his bedroom with a sigh. After several minutes, his mother had cried herself to sleep on the sofa, and for several seconds, Remus had just watched her, before covering her with a blanket and walking out of the room.

“Is she asleep?”

Remus jumped in shock, his head snapping around to look at Buffy, sitting on his bed, a sad smile on her face.

“Buffy. You scared me.”

Buffy grimaced. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to.” She gestured towards a cup standing on a wooden tray on the floor. “I made hot chocolate.”

Remus smiled weakly. “Thanks.”

He grabbed the lukewarm mug and sank down beside her on the bed, sipping on the chocolate half-heartedly.

For several minutes, they sat in silence, until Remus put down the half-empty cup on the floor again and lay down on the bed, staring up at the roof. Buffy lay down beside him, her hand rubbing his arm in a comforting movement.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked hesitantly.

Remus let out a loud puff of air. “What do you want to know?”

Buffy shrugged. “Whatever you feel ready to tell me.”

Remus turned onto his side, leaning on his elbow, looking at her with calculating eyes. “Alright,” he finally said. “Ask me what you want to know, and I’ll do my best to answer.”

“What does _feral_ mean?” Buffy asked.

“Being a feral werewolf means that you have abandoned the ‘normal’ human society,” Remus said. “It means that you have decided to embrace the wolf, and _become_ it. It means that you’re more lycan than human, even when the moon isn’t full. It means that you take delight in ripping apart flesh, killing people – men, women, children, destroying their lives. It means your favourite past time is eating them alive, hearing their screams and pleads of mercy.”

Remus’ eyes had darkened during his explanation, and he seemed to be staring at something far away.

“And Greyback?” Buffy whispered, gulping, not sure she wanted to know.

“Fenrir Greyback…” Remus breathed out, with a self-loathing grimace. “The man who makes my mother cry at the mere mention of his name. The man who makes my father forget everything except the need for revenge. Fenrir Greyback. The man who made me into a monster.”

For a long time, Buffy stared into his eyes, before she slowly shook his head. “No,” she corrected him. “He may have turned you. But he didn’t make you become a monster. You couldn’t be one even if you tried.”

Remus chuckled. “Are you sure?” He asked. “Because I’m not. If I ever came face to face with Greyback again, I’m pretty sure I’d do my best to rip him apart with my bare hands, full moon or no full moon.”

“That wouldn’t be an action of a monster,” Buffy whispered. “That would be an action of justice.”

“Really? I’m not so certain. Wouldn’t it make me as bad as him?” From the look on Remus’ face, Buffy could tell this had been something that had plagued his mind for quite some time.

“No. Just the fact that you’re worried about it is proof enough. You could never become someone like him – a feral,” Buffy said. “That, I’m sure of.”

“How?” Remus breathed.

“Because you have people who love you.”

Remus snorted with laughter. “That is such a cheesy thing to say,” he chuckled.

“Cheesy or not, it’s true,” Buffy said, placing a soft kiss on his lips. “…I love you, Remus John Lupin. And you could never become someone like Greyback.”

Remus’ eyes widened. She loved him? He knew he loved her, of course – had somehow known it before the fact. But he hadn’t thought Buffy had been ready to say those three words back, and mean them, considering her past. That she’d finally done so, made him unbelievably exalted. “You do? Truly?”

Buffy smiled, stroking his cheek tenderly. “I do. I have for awhile, I think. I just wasn’t prepared to admit it out loud, until now.”

“I love you too, Buffy Anne Summers,” Remus breathed, rolling over, so he was lying on top of her. “And I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you do,” Buffy’s eyes glittered with an emotion Remus couldn’t place. “You deserve me, and so much more than I can give you. You just don’t understand your own worth,” Buffy whispered in his ear and Remus shuddered as he felt her taking his earlobe between her lips, sucking on it gently.

“Buffy?” He croaked, eyes slightly widened in surprise.

“Shh…” Buffy whispered, her tongue trailing a path down his neck, her mouth stopping here and there to nip at the sensitive flesh, before pulling away and giving Remus a questioning look, her chest heaving with every breath she took.

“Do you…I mean…” Buffy flushed with embarrassment. “Want to?” She finished, looking away.

Remus lowered his face towards her, until their lips were only millimetres apart. “You mean…sex?” He breathed teasingly.

Buffy hit his shoulder angrily. “Yes!” She hissed. “Moron.”

Remus burst out laughing. “Sorry, he gasped. “I couldn’t help it! You just looked so adorably awkward.”

Buffy glared. “You completely ruined the mood.” She crossed her arms over her chest, face a deep tomato red.

Remus chuckled, placing a soft kiss on her pouting lips. “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

Buffy’s face softened. “It’s fine. Just…don’t do it again.”

“I promise,” Remus said, kissing her again. “And as for your question…” It was Remus’ turn to blush. “I do. Want to,” he added, staring sincerely into her eyes.

“But…?” Buffy asked, sensing an unspoken uncertainty.

“But…you’re the one with experience here,” Remus finished, face burning in humiliation. “I haven’t…you know.”

Buffy’s lips twitched. “You make it sound like I’ve been with a lot of guys. I have been with one. Once! And it made him turn evil. Believe me, you’ve got nothing to worry about,” she said. “And as for you…not having…done it – it makes it all the more special. In fact, I’m…sort of honoured,” Buffy admitted, blushing again. “And…not many guys would have admitted that they were…you know…”

“Virginal?” Remus suggested, having a feeling that this conversation couldn’t possibly become more embarrassing than it already was. “Innocent, pure, chaste, unsullied…untouched?” He finished with a whisper, eyes glittering with a burning fire of both amusement and seriousness.

“Yes, that,” Buffy said, rolling her eyes in exasperation, but she couldn’t stop the slight shiver of anticipation that crawled up her back when Remus had whispered that last word. He really had no idea of the effect he had on her… “You know, acting like a talking dictionary right before planning to have sexual intercourse isn’t really a turn-on.”

Remus grinned, placing another kiss on her lips, which Buffy returned, pulling him close, and wrapping her arms around his neck. Their kiss deepened, their tongues meeting in a play for dominance.

Remus’ hands slipped down between their bodies, his right unbuttoning Buffy’s jeans, the other slipping up underneath her t-shirt, massaging her waist.

Buffy’s hands, in turn, began to unbutton Remus’ shirt, their lips never leaving each other, their tongues continuing their dance.

Slowly, garment after garment left their bodies, being thrown carelessly onto the floor the moment they were removed, until nothing separated the two and flesh met flesh.

* * *

Buffy moaned against Remus’ lips as she felt Remus’ hardness pressed against her inner thigh and Remus rubbed his thumb against her sensitive nub, fingers entering her one by one, preparing her for the upcoming intrusion, his blue eyes darkening in desire.

“Buffy…” Remus breathed, his lips leaving hers and dipping down low, he nibbled carefully at the sensitive skin where her neck met shoulder. Buffy threw her head back, clutching at his back, her fingernails leaving a trail of red jagged marks along his spine. 

Remus sucked on her neck gently, before his head disappeared down the valley between her breasts, leaving soft kisses there, until Buffy guided his head and mouth towards a rosy nipple with her hands. Remus’ tongue twirled around the sensitive area, paying it careful attention, before switching side, doing the same to her other breast.

Buffy’s right hand slowly made its way in between their bodies, gripping his hard length, squeezing gently and guiding it towards her opening. Remus removed his hand from her wet entrance, replacing it with his shaft, pushing into her gently, inch after inch, until he was completely buried within her tight passage. 

His eyes never leaving hers, he started to move inside her, Buffy rocking upwards with her hips to meet his movements. It was awkward first, their bodies not yet used to sharing this deep level of intimacy. Also, Remus was terrified of hurting Buffy, not to mention wondering whether he was doing something wrong, but before long, they managed to find a rhythm together. 

All their worries were forgotten as mind-blowing sensations removed all thoughts of fear and doubt. Lifting her legs, Buffy wrapped them around Remus waist as their thrusts grew quicker, trying to get as close to him as was humanly possible. 

Her eyes fell closed as she lost herself in the passion and primal act of making love, time forgotten, everything except Remus utterly swept away by the motions. Her entire body trembled whenever he managed to hit that sweet spot inside her, making her desire more, wishing this moment would never stop. The only sound in the room was that of their own heavy breathing, that of skin against skin and the occasional moan and gasp of intoxicated delight. 

Finally, Buffy could take no more, and she let out a keening whine, the feelings flowing through her veins finally became too much to take. With a shudder, she felt her body give in, her walls clenching around Remus’ hardness, her back arching, her eyes snapping open, but unable to see anything other than flashing colours as she reached her completion. 

Unable to hold himself back any longer, Remus thrust into her heat one final time, before emptying himself inside her with a loud groan. Losing control of his limbs, he collapsed on top of Buffy’s heaving body, his now soft length slipping out of her gently.

Buffy wrapped her arms around him, smiling stupidly, at loss for words. Remus massaged Buffy’s cheek in admiration, kissing her lips tenderly.

“I love you,” he breathed out, voice slightly hoarse.

Buffy grinned. “I love you too,” unbelievably happy nothing hindered her from expressing her feelings any longer. She was free, at last. Her past didn’t bother her anymore; Angel was but a bittersweet memory. Her friends and family – Willow, Xander, Oz, Giles, her mother, even Cordelia – she’d always treasure them, and miss them, but she had found new friends and family here, and dwelling on her old ones wouldn’t do her any good. 

She had finally come to terms with herself, her situation, and her new life here. She felt truly at peace, in a way she never had before. Even if Dumbledore found a way to send her back, it wouldn’t matter, not as things felt right now; she wouldn’t take the offer. 

She belonged here. 

Remus reached for his wand on the nightstand, holding it over Buffy’s stomach, muttering words in latin, before putting it back. Buffy gave him a questioning look.

Remus blushed slightly. “To prevent pregnancy,” he muttered, and Buffy nodded in understanding. Grabbing the covers, she pulled it over their naked, sweat-covered bodies, before engaging him in another kiss. 

“I like it that you’re so responsible,” she whispered teasingly. 

“Someone has to be,” he grinned.

Suddenly, their room was filled with smattering sounds and their heads snapped towards the window. Outside colourful fireworks were lighting up the sky. In the distance, they could hear a church bell chime in the New Year.

“Happy New Year, Buffy,” Remus mumbled, placing a kiss on her brow.

“Happy New Year, Re,” Buffy echoed, her eyes closing, a smile on her lips.

* * *

**1 January, 1978**

Buffy woke up from someone stroking her face. Blinking slightly as she opened her eyes, she was met by the sight of Remus smiling at her. 

“Good morning,” Buffy said, voice husky from sleep.

“Morning,” Remus whispered. “Slept well?”

“Very well,” Buffy assured him, pressing herself closer to his body, blushing slightly as she felt his morning arousal.

“Do you…feel…different?” Remus asked, blushing slightly at the silliness of the question.

“I feel…content,” Buffy said, smiling. “But I know what you mean.” Sitting up, she disentangled herself from the covers. 

Remus smiled at the sight of her naked body. “You’re even more beautiful in daylight,” he said, making Buffy grin with pleasure.

“You charmer you,” she muttered, standing up and walking into the adjourning bathroom, giving Remus a very nice view of her backside. A few seconds later, the shower was turned on.

Remus grabbed his wand and did a quick cleaning spell on himself, before slipping into his clothes. A swift un-wrinkling charm later, and he was good to go.

Leaving his bedroom, he entered the kitchen, were his mother was taking out several muffins from the oven.

“Chocolate muffins!” Remus exclaimed. “Have I told you how much I love you lately?”

Dana snorted. “Flattery will get you nowhere.”

Remus grinned pouring up a glass of pumpkin juice and lifting it to his lips.

“Did you have a nice night?” Dana asked, not looking up, and Remus sprayed the juice he had just been about to swallow all over the kitchen floor.

Coughing and spluttering, Remus did his best to pull himself together. “Eh…yes,” he managed to choke out. Waving his wand at the floor, the mess disappeared. 

“And Buffy? Did she sleep well?”

Remus was trying not to think about the double innuendo in his mother’s statement. “Yes, very well,” he stammered out, all too well aware of his extremely red face.

“I thought so,” Dana said, nodding to herself. “She looked very comfortable when I checked in on you this morning.”

Remus, who had just been about to pour himself some more juice, this time managed to spill it all over the kitchen counter. “Fuck!”

“Language,” Dana reprimanded lightly, though her lips were twitching. “Honestly, Remus.”

“Sorry,” Remus muttered, cleaning up the mess again with another wave of his wand. “So,” he cleared his throat uncomfortably. “You know then?”

“That my son has entered ‘adulthood’?” Dana questioned dryly. “Yes. I am more than able to put two and two together.” She sighed. “Though I am not happy about it, exactly, I will not scold you about responsibility. Both you and Buffy are of age and I trust you were careful?” 

“Yes,” Remus mumbled, looking anywhere but at his mother, his already red face reddening some more.

“Good.”

“Have you heard from dad yet?” Remus wondered, desperately wanting to change the subject.

“Yes, I got an owl this morning. He should be here any minute now,” Dana said. “He got some scrapes, apparently, but he will be fine.” 

“Good morning!” Buffy entered the kitchen with a bright smile, placing a kiss on Remus’ cheek.

“Good noon is more like it,” Dana said, with a rise of an eyebrow. “I take it you slept well?”

Buffy blinked. “Oh, is it midday already? And yes, I did, thank you,” the Slayer added in confusion, wondering why Remus was suddenly blushing and looking anywhere but at her.

“Yes, it is. I saved some lunch in the refrigerator for you, whenever you get hungry,” Dana said with a smile at the two. “And for Jonathan when he arrives as well,” she added.

“Someone said my name?” Jonathan Lupin exclaimed, walking into the kitchen, a large red scar covering the left side of his face, but apart from that, looking no worse for wear.

“Jonathan!” Dana exclaimed, lighting up and kissing her husband soundly. “You’re alright!”

“Yes, I wrote that didn’t I?” Jonathan said, hugging Dana, mouthing ‘women’ over her shoulder at Remus and Buffy, who did their best to hold back their laughter.

“Reading isn’t the same as seeing,” Dana admonished lightly. 

“How many casualties?” Remus asked quietly as he put an arm around Buffy’s shoulders, bringing back a somber mood.

Jonathan sighed, sinking down in a kitchen chair. “Fourteen dead and twenty-nine wounded. Of the dead, eleven were civilians, six under the age of ten. Of the wounded, seven aren’t expected to live another ten hours.”

“A fairly large attack then,” Remus summarised, sighing. “And Voldemort? Was he there?”

“Yes, but he left when Dumbledore arrived,” Jonathan said grimly. “Most of the damage was already done by then. Bastard.”

“And Greyback?” Remus asked carefully.

Jonathan pursed her lips, eyes darkening in displeasure. “He got away.”

Remus sighed, not really surprised. 

“I did manage to curse him quite thoroughly, though,” Jonathan said, sounding quite pleased. “He won’t be taking part in any attacks in the nearest future, that’s for sure. And I’m pretty sure I managed to kill his favourite feral, if Greyback’s howl of rage was any indication.”

Remus and Dana smiled weakly, none of them sure if that was a good thing. Would Greyback be looking for revenge? After all, he came after, and turned, Remus, when Jonathan let his opinion of werewolves – Greyback in particular – be known in a Daily Prophet anti-dark creatures’ campaign. 

What would he do this time? Jonathan might have hunted Greyback ever since Remus was bitten, but it wasn’t until now he’d managed to harm him, or any of his pack. Whatever the consequences would be, Remus prayed they wouldn’t be irreparable. Their family had had enough bad luck over the years.

* * *

 **Published:** 03/01 -14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers.


	20. Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

  


**8 January**

“Remus! Buffy! Over here!” Peter yelled, waving out of a compartment window, and Buffy and Remus grinned, nodding, to show they’d seen him and would be there soon.

“Well, have a nice term, you two,” Jonathan said, grinning, which made the scar on his face stand out even more. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he said, winking. “And make sure to get into lots of trouble.”

Remus and Buffy blushed in unison. 

“Don’t listen to him,” Dana said, slapping her husband lightly. “Be _careful,”_ she said with a meaningful look at her son, and Remus quickly lowered his eyes to the ground, ignoring Buffy’s questioning look. “And study hard. NEWTs aren’t far away.”

“Yes, mum,” Remus muttered, kissing her on the cheek and giving his father a hug.

“Thanks for having me,” Buffy said, embracing both of the Lupins as well.

“It was a pleasure, dear,” Dana said warmly. “Now, hurry along, or the train might leave without you.”

Waving, Buffy and Remus walked to the Express, hand in hand, greeting their classmates whenever they passed. “What did your mother mean, _be careful?”_ Buffy asked, and Remus blushed. 

“It was nothing,” he said hastily. A little _too_ hastily.

“Remus John Lupin!” Buffy demaned, hands on her hips, and Remus winced.

“Alright, alright, I’ll tell you,” he muttered. “She walked in on us, alright? The morning… _after.”_

Buffy felt her face heat up. Dana had…oh, how embarrassing! Suddenly, several odd comments she’d thrown out over the past week now made complete sense. “Oh.”

“Can we change the subject now?” Remus asked, somewhat desperately, and Buffy nodded quickly, more than happy to comply.

“Oh, yeah.”

They finally found the compartment Peter was sitting in together with a morose looking Amanda Lorne, Gryffindor’s Seeker, the walk there spent talking about everything and anything not to do with the previous subject.

“Hi, Amanda. How was your Christmas?” Remus asked carefully, knowing the third year had lost her parents in a Death Eater attack a couple of weeks before the holidays.

Amanda smiled weakly. “It was okay, I guess, all things considered. I spent it with my grandmother in Liverpool. How was yours?”

“It was fine,” Buffy said. “We went to the cinema and stuff.”

“Nice.”

“Yeah.”

An awkward silence settled over the compartment, which was broken by the train letting out a loud whistle as it started to move away from the station.

Peter frowned. “Did you see the others? What if they missed the train?” He bit his nails nervously and Buffy sniggered.

“Anxious to see Samantha again, huh?” Remus asked knowingly, a small smirk covering his lips.

Peter glared. “So what?”

“Oh, nothing,” Remus said innocently, and soon, the two were bickering wildly, Remus teasing Peter about his crush, and Peter denying everything thrown his way, both growing louder every passing second.

Buffy sighed and shook her head in mock despair. “And here I was, thinking my boyfriend was the mature one.”

Amanda cracked a genuine smile. “Well, he is a Marauder,” she said. “Did you get any flying done over the holidays?”

Buffy shuddered. “Are you kidding? It’s freezing outside! Why would I expose myself to that? I’m only a reserve!”

Amanda’s grin widened. “True, but you know what James is like.”

“Unfortunately,” Buffy grimaced. “Don’t tell me you flew?”

“No,” Amanda shook her head. “I was in the middle of a muggle neighbourhood. I wish I could have though, despite the cold. Maybe it would have helped me take my mind off of…things,” she finished lamely.

Buffy gave her a sympathetic look. “I understand.”

“You do?” Amanda sounded doubtful. “Did you lose any relatives during the attacks?”

“Not during the attacks, no. But I do know what it’s like to lose a loved one,” Buffy said quietly. “Before I came to England, my boyfriend was killed. It was one of the reasons I came here.”

“Oh. So you do know what it’s like. I’m sorry,” Amanda said sincerely. 

Buffy shrugged. “It’s fine. I’m over it. It will always hurt, but the pain fades, and now I have Remus, whom I love.” She cast a look at her boyfriend, who had now stopped teasing Peter, and was now involved in a quiet conversation with him.

“My grandmother didn’t want me to return to Hogwarts,” Amanda said quietly. Buffy gave her a surprised look, and Amanda chuckled ruefully. “She’s a muggle, you see. She’s never liked the fact that her family got involved with the magical world.”

Buffy said nothing, as she had a feeling this was something the third year Gryffindor desperately needed to get off her chest, without interruptions. “My dad is – was – a muggle too,” Amanda continued. “My mum was a witch, though, and it was a shock to him when he found out, and even worse for my gran. She thinks magic is unnatural. And then the attack…my parents’ death.” She paused, choking slightly. Peter and Remus were watching her sadly. 

“She holds magic responsible, of course. And who can blame her? Even I do, sometimes. I actually considered not coming back, when my grandmother first mentioned it, but then I realised…I can’t stop being a witch.” Amanda shrugged helplessly. “I can stop doing magic, I can leave all my friends, Hogwarts and this part of my life behind, but I will still be a witch. It’s part of who I am, and that will never change.”

Buffy leaned in and gave the smaller girl a hug, letting the thirteen year old cry on her shoulder. After several seconds, Amanda straightened up, dried her eyes, and gave her a tearful smile. “Thanks,” she sniffed. “I think I really needed that.”

“You’re welcome,” Buffy said, smiling back softly. 

“There you are!” James interrupted, barging in to the compartment, loudly slamming the door open, making the occupants jump. “Oh, hi Amanda!”

Amanda smiled in answer, as she stood up. “Well, I think I better go find my own friends. Otherwise, this compartment might get a bit crowded.”

“Oh, you can stay,” Lily assured her kindly, taking notice of her red rimmed eyes. “It’s no problem.”

“No, it’s okay,” Amanda answered, giving her a quick smile and slinking out of the suddenly cramped space. “And Buffy – thanks again.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Buffy told the Seeker gently, and Amanda gave her one last grin before taking off down the corridor with quick steps.

“Where have you been?” James demanded to know, once Amanda disappeared from sight. “We’ve been looking all over the train for you!

“This is our usual compartment, you know,” Peter said mildly, making room for James, Sirius, Lily and Mandy. “You’re the ones who’re late.” He peered out the compartment into the corridor. “You haven’t seen Samantha, by any chance?” He did his best to sound nonchalant, but failed miserably.

“Nope, sorry,” Sirius smirked. “Maybe she preferred to stay home rather than set sight on your ugly mug again.”

“Sirius!” Lily scolded.

“I’m just kidding!” The longhaired boy exclaimed, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’m sure she’s around somewhere…”

But the rest of the train ride went by, without any sign of the Hufflepuff.

* * *

“I’m completely stuffed,” Sirius said, leaning back in his chair with a satisfied smile and a silent burp. “The start of term dinners are always the best, right Pete? Peter?”

Peter, who usually would be the first to agree with anything regarding food, didn’t seem to listen. He was almost half-standing in his seat, as he peered over the Great Hall, the food on his plate completely untouched. “I can’t see her…” He muttered, frowning.

“See who?” James wondered, after swallowing a piece of chicken.

“Samantha!” Wormtail exclaimed, finally slumping back down in his seat. “She’s not here.”

“You sure?” Buffy asked, also standing up.

“Of course I’m sure!” Peter said hotly. “I’ve looked all over!”

“Maybe she did miss the train,” Remus mused. “It has been known to happen.”

“Yeah?” Peter said hopefully.

“Yeah. Once or twice. In all of Hogwarts’ history. But it _has_ happened,” Remus said hurriedly as Peter’s expression fell again. “I’m sure she’s fine,” he comforted, clapping Peter on the back.

The students grew silent as Dumbledore clapped his hands and stood up. “Attention, all students,” he said, the sound easily carrying over the large room, even without the use of a voice amplifying charm. “As I’m sure you’ve heard, either through the _Daily Prophet,_ the Wizarding Wireless or through some other means, there was a large-scale Death Eater attack in North Wiltshire during the New Year.”

Peter was gripping the table so hard, his hands were sure to get splinters. His face was slowly losing all colour, one single piece of information about Samantha standing out above all others: _‘She lives in Calne. Oh, Merlin. Samantha lives in Calne...North Wiltshire.’_

The rest of the Marauders grew tense as well, all of them coming to the same conclusion Peter had. Somehow, when they’d first heard of the attack, the fact that Samantha lived in Wiltshire had completely slipped their minds.

“I am certain a lot of you have noticed we are missing several of our numbers tonight,” Dumbledore continued gravely. “And I am sorry to say Hogwarts lost two of our own pupils: Raise your glasses for Susan Cooper, Ravenclaw, and Robert Dessler, Hufflepuff.”

Peter let out a loud whimper of relief; slumping down even further in his chair as he realised Samantha wasn’t one of the casualties, the other Marauders echoing his reaction, though silently, within their minds. Yet, they all wondered, where was she?

“Isn’t Susan one of Mandy’s roommates? The one from Ravenclaw’s Quidditch team?” Lily mumbled questioningly to Buffy, who nodded grimly.

“Yeah.” 

“For Susan and Robert,” Dumbledore said soberly, raising his glass.

“Susan and Robert,” the students echoed, toasting them, the happy mood that had been there when the evening began missing now, having been replaced with a far more sombre atmosphere.

“Now, let us have a silent minute in their memory and honour,” Dumbledore finished, lower his head respectfully, the rest of the students following his example.

The minute passed exceedingly slowly, the seconds ticking by at a snail’s pace. Finally, Dumbledore raised his head again. “Twenty-one people died in this cowardly attack,” he continued. “Fourteen on the location itself, and the rest due to their injuries while in St. Mungos. Twenty-nine were badly wounded, and four of them are Hogwarts students: From Gryffindor, third year Bruce Bonnevie and fourth year Calliopei Sigbert. And from Hufflepuff, Samantha Lowell, seventh year, and Abigail Dessler, second year: Miss Dessler especially is in a serious condition, and her Healers say it is unlikely she’ll wake up from the coma she has slipped into.”

Over by the Hufflepuff table, several girls burst out into tears. The Marauders sat in stony silence. They now knew what had happened to Sam, and while the information wasn’t good, it was still better than the alternative of her being among the deceased, like Robert, or his sister, Abigail, in a coma. 

“Mr. Bonnevie, Miss Sigbert and Miss Lowell are expected to make a full recovery and should be back at Hogwarts within the next couple of weeks. I must ask you all not to badger them with questions about the attack and their experiences. Give them time. I trust the Prefects and our Head Boy and Girl to uphold this appeal to the very best of your ability. That is all. Thank you.” 

Peter was blinking furiously, ducking his head to hide his tears, immensely relieved. Samantha was okay. 

Dumbledore sat down, and slowly the hall became filled with chatter again, but it was more solemn than it had been before the Headmaster’s speech.

“Should I send her flowers?” Peter blabbered. “Do you think she’ll like that? Or should I send her music? Are they allowed music in St. Mungos? Does she like roses? Is that to cliché? Maybe something less extravagant? Forget-me-nots? Daisies?

“Peter, breathe,” Remus cautioned. “You’re beginning to hyperventilate."

Peter took a deep, calming breath, before gulping down a glass of water.

“That’s better,” Remus continued. “We’ll help you with your bouquet later. We can sneak down to Hogsmeade and buy some flowers. I’m sure we can come up with something appropriate.”

Lily snorted. “Do any of you guys know anything about flowers? Their meanings?”

Remus, James, Sirius and Peter turned as one to stare at her perplexedly. “Meanings?” They echoed blankly.

Lily and Buffy exchanged exasperated looks. “I think we better come along, or you might send the poor girl a message that is really unsuitable for the situation.”

* * *

**9 January**

The next day after classes, the Marauders sneaked down the passage to Honeydukes in order to get to Hogsmeade unseen, Lily, Buffy and Mandy in tow. 

Mandy was very depressed, considering the now deceased Susan Cooper had been a good friend through her years at Hogwarts, and had at first not wanted to come along, but the others had convinced her. 

“I should buy something for Susan’s parents,” Mandy mused out loud as she browsed around the flower store, _Belladonna’s Everlasting Blossoms._ “The funeral has already been held, but it feels wrong to not send anything. What do you think?” She asked, turning around to ask for Sirius’ opinion.

Sirius wrapped his arms around her waist. “I’m sure whatever you decide will be more than suitable,” he said.

In the other end of the shop, Lily and Buffy was trying to help Peter pick out something appropriate for Samantha.

“What sort of message do you want to send her?” Buffy questioned.

“Umm… _get well?”_ Peter shrugged, clueless, burying his hands in his pockets awkwardly. “I don’t know.”

Lily sighed. “Okay. Look me in the eyes, Peter, and tell me what you feel for Samantha.”

Peter blinked, blushing furiously. “Huh?”

“What do you feel for Samantha?” Lily repeated patiently. “Do you like her as a friend, as a sister, or as something more?”

“Something…more?” Peter half stated, half questioned.

Lily nodded thoughtfully. I thought so. Well, there are a lot of options in that case. First, the flower itself. A rose, for example, is a flower that stands for beauty and different matters of the heart. But as you said at dinner yesterday, it’s a bit cliché. _Tulips,_ on the other hand, are less extravagant, as you put it, but also stand for love, but less obviously than roses.”

“I can’t send her something that speaks of love!” Peter exclaimed, horrified. “She might not like me at all!”

“Oh, she likes you, don't worry about that,” Buffy assured him, lips twitching. “But like Lily said, Tulips are less clear than roses, so, if we - against all odds - are wrong about Samantha’s feelings, you can pretend it’s all a big misunderstanding easily enough.”

Peter let out a relieved sigh. “Alright then. Tulips are fine, I guess…”

“Good. Now, the colour,” Lily said. “A dark red means _I miss you,_ pink; _I’m in love with you,_ yellow; _you’re the sunshine in my life,_ orange; _I’m your loyal friend,_ blue; _I will remain by your side until death do us part,_ white; _I believe in your purity,_ and purple; _I wish you luck.”_

“I’d recommend the red, the pink, or the yellow,” Buffy said. “The other meanings are a bit boring. So is the yellow, actually, but if you want the meanings to be rather foggy, I guess it’s alright. ”

“Umm…the red?” Peter finally said, fidgeting terribly. 

“Good call,” Lily said approvingly. “Now, the number of flowers. I’d suggest one, three, five or seven. Again, seven means _I love you,_ one flower means _you’re my everything,_ and three flowers is a question; _when can I see you again?”_

“Uhh…” Poor Peter was completely out of his depth.

“One flower is a bit boring to send as a _get well_ -gift,” Buffy said. “And it might be seen as a little cheap. I’d go with seven.”

“But she might take it the wrong way,” Peter muttered, wringing his hands. 

“Are you a Gryffindor or not?” Lily asked with a rise of an eyebrow. “Live a little, Peter. No risk, no gain. Take a chance.”

Peter sighed. “Seven flowers it is,” he agreed, knowing resistance was futile if he wanted to make it out of the store with all his parts in place.

* * *

When they got back up to the castle, they all gathered in Gryffindor’s common room, were the sixth years were whispering excitedly over something that had been posted on the notice board.

Sirius was the one chosen to have to fight his way through the mass, a fairly simple job, considering the girls began to sigh and turn to goo in adoration the moment he turned on his smile, and the boys parted ways put of respect and admiration for the Marauder.

Once he got back to the group, he threw Mandy and Buffy a wide grin. “You’ll be happy to know that everyone over seventeen are now eligible for a twelve week course of Apparation lessons, beginning the first Sunday of February,” he said, and Mandy immediately let out a cheer.

Buffy looked less enthusiastic, considering she hadn’t enjoyed side-along Apparation, but still excited, considering it was an important skill to know, and a way to quickly transport oneself around the world.

“We have all taken them, obviously,” James said, gesturing towards himself, Lily, Sirius, Remus and Peter. “And Samantha too, I expect. Some of us more successfully than others,” he added, with a meaningful look at Peter, who stuck out his tongue in answer. “But we all got our license, at the end.”

“Or part of it,” Peter said, thinking of Samantha, who still had to get cleared for long distance Apparation. “The test is in April.”

“Great,” Buffy muttered. “As if I don’t have enough to worry about.”

“You don’t have to take it now,” Remus reminded her. “You can wait. The Ministry offers summer classes, I think.”

Buffy grimaced. “No, I want to. I might as well get it over with when it’s offered.”

* * *

**10 January**

“I’ve got a delivery for a Samantha Lowell,” a volunteer in St. Mungos Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries said, stepping into a bright hospital room. “They said I could find her in here?”

Samantha sat up in her bed in the darkest corner of the room, glad for the interruption of her thoughts. Ever since the attack, she had thought of nothing else. How the door had exploded, and the Death Eaters storming in. 

Her mother was dead. Sweet Melanie...her sister; her _six-year old sister,_ was dead as well. Her father had taken a turn for the worse, but hopefully he’d pull through. And William was still unconscious.

“I’m she,” she said tiredly, raising her hand.

The young volunteer grinned as she approached holding a large vase with dark red tulips. “Seven flowers. From a…Peter Pettigrew. Your boyfriend?”

“Umm…no,” Samantha said, her pale cheeks colouring slightly. “Just a friend.”

“Well, they ought to brighten up the room, either way. And there’s a letter too. I hope you get well soon, sweetie,” the volunteer said, before leaving the room.

For a long while, Samantha only stared at the bouquet, before she opened the letter with trembling hands.

_‘Dear Sam,_

_We’ve only had one day of classes, but I’m already buried under homework assignments! I swear, the professors are purposely trying to kill us. And speaking of trying to kill us – something funny happened in Herbology. James was so busy staring at Lily’s behind so he didn’t notice when one of the plants wrapped itself around him. It was hilarious!_

_Imagine James, arms flailing and glasses crooked, desperately trying to escape from a puke green plant with long vines, almost hugging him to death. And then imagine Lily’s reaction when she figured out the reason for his inattentiveness (it didn’t take very long)._

_Well, I really can’t think of anything else to write, other than we all miss you. When we heard you were injured, we were so worried. Dumbledore said you should be fine though. I hope you get back to Hogwarts soon._

_Peter.’_

Samantha couldn’t help but smile. Peter was so sweet, and he did a nice job of cheering her up, by not rambling on about the attack and instead writing about other, everyday things. She dwelled enough on her own. The letter helped her realise that life went on and when she got back to Hogwarts, her friends would help her out. 

She looked at the flowers thoughtfully. Had Peter picked them out himself? Did he realise what they meant? Either way, it was a nice gesture, one Samantha appreciated. 

“Miss Lowell?”

Samantha looked up as a Healer entered her room. “Yes?”

“Your little brother woke up. If you’re up to it, I think it would do him good to see a familiar face.”

Samantha closed her eyes, tears of relief falling from behind her closed lids. William would be alright. Thank Merlin. “Yes. Of course.”

* * *

**16 January**

“Sit still, Pete,” Buffy said, annoyed, glaring up from her books. The Marauders were all sitting in the Gryffindor common room, studying for their NEWTs, along with Lily, Buffy and Mandy. That is, everyone except Peter, who couldn’t seem to concentrate.

“Samantha is coming back today!” Peter said, jumping up and down in the sofa giddily, ignoring the angry glares.

“We know, Peter,” Sirius growled, throwing down his quill. “You’ve mentioned it the entire weekend. Now shut up! I’m trying to think.”

Everyone had been extremely surprised when James and Sirius, who were both always bragging about how they didn’t need to study; that they were naturals and knew everything without putting in any effort into learning the material, joined the rest of their friends in preparing for the NEWTs. 

It seemed that the stress the other seventh years were feeling was contagious and had carried over to the normally unruffled boys, who were both looking rather frazzled.

_“The first human airplane was invented by the Wright brothers in the early nineteen hundreds. An airplane is a contraption Muggles use to transport people and other equipment through the air, not unlike the Wizarding broomstick, the International Portkey or the International Floo Network. The difference is that the travel takes a lot longer and has been known to sometimes fail, resulting in so called crashes, usually with many human causalities. The airplane is not to be confused with the ‘plane,’ a tool for shaping wood, or the ‘physical plane’ which refers to the visible reality of space, time, energy and matter,”_ James rambled, barely stopping to breathe, eyes closed. “How did I do?” He asked Lily.

“Fine,” Lily said amused. “It was all correct, though if the question shows up on the Muggle Studies NEWTs, I would make the answer sound less like a reference book. Those correcting the answer sheets tend to appreciate originality, to show that you have actually understood the text and aren’t just repeating what you’ve read.” 

Lily tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Maybe add in some more detail about the airplane itself, and its development,” the redhead continued. “I wouldn’t mention the last part at all – the bit about the ‘plane’ and the ‘physical plane.’ That’s just unnecessary, and makes you sound like you’re grasping at straws.”

“Right,” James said, nodding. “Right. That makes sense. It’s a given, really!”

Lily smiled, returning to her book on _Arithmancy: Numbers and Figures – how you remember seven years of theoretical schooling and explain them on paper in a practical manner._

“I’m never going to get this,” Buffy moaned. “Any of this. I’ve got to take NEWTs, just like you guys, but I only have a year of preparation under my belt, and all my knowledge is completely new. I’ll fail!”

“No, you won’t,” Remus assured her, rubbing her back comfortingly. “Just aim for an ‘Acceptable’ in all the subjects.”

“And what sort of work opportunities will that give me?” Buffy muttered.

“Far more than me,” Remus stated with a no-nonsense tone of voice in a low murmur so Mandy wouldn’t hear, since she, and Samantha, were still in the dark about his furry little problem.

“Oh, Re, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking…” Buffy said, her face immediately taking on a regretful expression.

“It’s alright. I’ve had a long time getting used to the fact that I’ll have trouble getting hired after Hogwarts. Don’t worry about it. You just focus on passing all of your subjects. And if I may give you a suggestion?”

“Yeah?”

“Take the NEWT in Muggle Studies,” Remus advised seriously. “I’m planning on doing the same. It’s laughably easy if you’ve lived in the Muggle World, and you can take however many NEWTs you want, even if you haven’t taken the subject. The Muggle Studies NEWT makes you cleared for work in Muggle Relations, even if your other NEWTs are only ‘Acceptables’, or even ‘Poor.’ The qualifications for that area are really low.” He cast an annoyed look at Peter, who was still bouncing up and down. 

“And, passing Muggle Studies automatically clears you for further studies in Muggle University, and gives you the right to apply for a job and housing in the Muggle World,” Remus added, doing his best to ignore Peter’s actions, but his face was growing more tense by the second, proving that Peter was really trying his patience. 

“The Ministry automatically registers you with all necessary Muggle authorities and stuff, so you have an authentic identity with them - For Merlin’s sake, Peter, sit still before I stun you!” Remus finished, with a loud snarl, finally losing his calm. 

It wasn’t easy to ruffle the usually calm Remus’ fur, but when you did, the sight wasn’t pleasant. Peter let out a loud “eep!” and fell off the sofa.

The others sniggered.

“Remus is right, Peter,” Mandy told Peter. “We are trying to study, and if you can’t concentrate, then you ought to leave before you make the rest of us lose our temper as well.”

Peter pouted as he made his way up from the floor, his hair ruffled, cheeks red. “Fine,” he sulked, stomping away, the portrait hole closing behind him with a loud bang as he left.

* * *

Peter sighed as he reached the Entrance Hall, having decided to wait for Samantha there. Was it his fault that he didn’t have a very long attention span? And how could they blame him for being excited about Samantha’s return? She was their friend as well!

“Alone again?” An amused voice questioned, and Peter jumped, spinning around. 

“Snape!”

“Why is it, Pettigrew, that whenever I see you, you’re all by yourself?” Snape wondered, circling Peter as if he was a delicious evening snack. “After all, the Marauders’ friendship is supposed to be legendary. Surprising, isn’t it, then, that you are always the one who gets abandoned like a piece of trash.”

“I’m not trash!” Peter said hotly. “And they haven’t abandoned me! I left of my own free will. The others are studying for the NEWTs.”

“Studying? Black and Potter?” Snape snorted. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“It’s true!”

“Whatever you say,” Snape said with a sneer. “Then why aren’t you with them? No offense meant, Pettigrew, but you are the one in their little gang who would most benefit from some…studying.”

“I needed a break, that’s all,” Peter protested, trying to ignore the ill-will against the others that had risen in his chest. It was true that Peter needed a lot of help. But lately, the past…four years, really, they had given him less and less, and this year, they had barely helped him at all. 

The only time they would help was if he really begged, and even then reluctantly. Remus would rather help Buffy, Sirius preferred to hang out with Mandy and plan mischief, and James tended to excuse himself to spend time with Lily, doing what he called ‘Head Boy duties’ but what was more likely to be a good amount of _snogging,_ maybe even shagging. Some friends they were. 

“Hmm,” was all Snape said in response. “If you need help, Pettigrew, and they won’t give it to you, don’t you think it’s time you find yourself some better company? People not likely to dump you at the first opportunity, whenever they think you get _in the way._ Is it not true that they only keep you around whenever they need to benefit from your…well,” Snape wrinkled his nose, looking Peter up and down as if he was something disgusting that had crawled up from a sewer somewhere, “whatever…talents, you supposedly possess?”

“I think you should leave,” Peter said through gritted teeth, gripping his wand tightly in his fist, eyes narrowed and face red.

Snape smirked. “Are you going to curse me, Pettigrew?” He said silkily, stretching out his arms, leaving himself wide open for whatever spells that might come his way. “Do your worst. I promise, I won’t move until you’ve hit me with at least one spell. Of course, that may take awhile. Maybe I should come closer? That ought to make me an easier target, correct?”

Peter flushed in embarrassment. He wasn’t that bad a shot! His arm was trembling with every step Snape took. “S-stay where you are!” He stuttered. “I swear, I will curse you!”

Snape only rolled his eyes, and then, in two smooth moves, he was standing right in front of Peter, bending down so he could look the much shorter boy in the eyes, his crooked nose almost touching Peter’s. “I knew you wouldn’t curse me,” Snape hissed, his voice making Peter’s skin crawl. “You just _don’t have the guts.”_

_“R-Riddikulus!”_ Peter yelled, and a flash of light flew out of his wand, hitting Snape in the chest.

Snape let an eyebrow rise, and then, he grinned maliciously. _“Riddikulus,_ Pettigrew? You are the one who is ridiculous. I’m not a Boggart. What did you hope that would accomplish, other than convincing me of your uselessness and complete lack of mind?” He sneered. “Really, it is no wonder your so called friends would rather be rid of your company. No one appreciates your presence! You’re pathetic!” And with that, the Slytherin left, robes billowing behind him. 

Peter sniffed, blinking away the tears that had filled his eyes and trying to catch is bearings. What Snape had said had affected him more than he wanted to admit. It was true, he was useless. Snape had given him a perfect opportunity that was unlikely to ever present itself again, and instead of taking it as revenge for all the times the Slytherin belittled him and his friends, he used _Riddikulus._ What had he been thinking?

The doors to the castle opened, and Peter looked up as a tired looking Samantha stepped inside, and Peter’s eyes widened as he remembered the reason he’d come down to the Entrance Hall in the first place.

“Sam! You’re back!”

“Peter?” Samantha smiled. “You were waiting for me?”

“Yeah…how are you?” Peter wondered frantically. “Have you healed up okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Thanks for the flowers and the letter. They really cheered me up.”

Peter lit up. “Oh, I’m so glad! I was so worried you wouldn’t like them.” He gave Samantha a solemn look. “I’m sorry about your mother and sister, though. I read in the newspaper that they were among the deceased…”

Samantha forced out a smile, trying to block out the scene of her mother and sister.

_Her mother, trying to protect Melanie, nearly severed in half, as the Death Eaters cursed her from behind, laughing…_

“Thanks. At least my brother’s okay. And the Healers are optimistic that my father will recover completely as well.”

“Who’s going to take care of your little brother?” Peter wondered as they slowly made their way to the Hospital Wing. Apparently, Madam Pomfrey didn’t trust St. Mungos Healers to do a thorough enough job, and so, she had demanded the students involved in the attack got themselves checked by her the moment they returned to the castle.

“My dad. He’s still bedridden, but like I said, the Healers are optimistic. It was touch and go for awhile, but he’s better now. William gets to stay in the hospital with him until dad is up and about again, since our only relatives live in Australia. So, how are you?”

Peter’s face fell slightly. “I’m alright. Everyone’s really stressed, though, with the NEWTs and all.”

“Understandable,” Samantha said, nodding. “M-maybe we could study together?” She suggested, fists clenched as she tried to stop the flashes from the battle – slaughter – that were hitting her at rapid speed. 

_Her dad, curses hitting him from all directions – so much blood – as he tried to reach Melanie, trying to wake her mother up… A curse flying towards Melanie at an unstoppable pace, Will, rushing out of the closet where he’d been shoved in, trying to save her…_

Peter grinned widely. “Yeah! Sure, I’d love that!” All uncertainties that had appeared due to the conversation with Snape, began to slowly evaporate. Why had he doubted? There were several people who appreciated him, and one of them was walking beside him, right now.

“Hey, Sam?” Peter asked hesitantly as they reached the closed doors to the Hospital Wing.

“Yeah?” Samantha said in a near whisper, trying to stop her voice from shaking.

_Melanie’s innards exploding outwards in a shower of red…_

“I’m glad you’re alright,” Peter said, smiling shakily. “I-I was really worried. I don’t k-know what I would have done if you’d d-died.”

_Will, screaming, eyes wide in shock, blood – their sister’s blood - splattered all over his clothes, his face…_

Samantha smiled, eyes slightly teary. “Thanks.”

“W-what I’m trying to say is that…I-Iwantyoutobemygirlfriend,” Peter rambled out, face flushed, hands sweating.

Samantha blinked. “Pardon? What was that?” The flashes came to an abrupt stop.

“I want you to be my girlfriend,” Peter repeated, a lot slower this time, and looking anywhere but at Samantha. “The a-attack made me realise that life is too short to w-waste, and I want to spend my life with you.” He immediately wanted hex himself. Why had he asked that? What if she said no? Was he insane? Of course she wouldn’t say yes! And _I want to spend my life with you_ – it couldn’t get any cheesier than that!

“Oh.” Samantha said, biting her lip shyly. “Umm…thanks?”

Peter, despite ready for her refusal, still felt disappointed, and a little bit humiliated and rather angry as well. _Thanks?_ What kind of answer was that?

“I-I mean,” Samantha blushed. “I’d like that as well. To be your girlfriend.”

Peter blinked, his head snapping up to stare at her in shock. “You do? I mean, you will?”

Samantha nodded, grinning slightly. “Yeah.”

Peter grinned back, negative feelings dissipating and giddy happiness taking its place. “Thanks. I mean – “

“I know what you mean,” Samantha said, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it gently.

Peter smiled dopily, before snorting. “What a couple we make. We could probably win an award in timidity.”

Samantha laughed, before tentatively leaning in, and gave Peter a short kiss on the lips, before pulling away, giving the Gryffindor a questioning look.

The Gryffindor blushed and then grinned, leaning back in for another meeting of their lips. They might be shy, acting more like a couple in their third year instead of seventh, but their feelings were real, and at the moment, that was all that mattered.

* * *

 **Published:** 12/01 -15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Iwan Rheon as Peter Pettigrew.


	21. Soulmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**18 January**

“I give up,” Sirius exclaimed, theatrically throwing his _Potions for Dummies_ book across the room. “This whole studying thing isn’t working for me, it never has, so why am I bothering?!” He threw his arms up in the air, before leaning back down on the sofa, stretching out his legs.

“There are so many other, far more productive things one can be doing than reading about stuff that I probably already know. This,” he gestured towards the book and parchment covered table, “is just messing me up, making me worry for nothing. Me! Sirius Black, who’s never scored lower than _Exceeds Expectation_ on anything other than History of Magic, without lifting a finger! So why am I torturing myself?”

“Rub it in, why don’t you, Sirius,” Buffy said sourly, massaging her temples with a grimace. “We can’t all be as lucky.”

“Well,” James said, pushing away his books as well. “I think I’m with Sirius on this one. I feel the same way. This is just confusing me. Let’s go flying, or something.”

“But what about your NEWTs?” Lily protested.

James shrugged. “They aren’t here yet,” he said. “And like Sirius said, I don’t need to study a great deal to pass. I didn’t study much for my OWLs, and I got an _Outstanding_ on almost everything.”

“But – “ Lily began, most certainly about to begin another lecture on how ‘NEWTs were important, and decided your future, and blah, blah, blah,’ but was interrupted by both James and Sirius standing up and heading for their dormitories. “Where do you think you’re going?” Lily said shrilly, jaw dropping.

“To our beds. I am in desperate need of a nap,” Sirius said, yawning. “I haven’t had a wet dream in days – my mind has been filled with hopping letters and Potions formulas and Dementor-ish examiners.” He shuddered.

James sniggered. “Relax, Lily. We take full responsibility for our own reckless actions. If it makes you feel better,” he added, as he reached the middle of the stairs, “I’ll dream about you!” He blew her a kiss, winking, before taking the remaining steps three at a time, not giving Lily a chance to respond.

“Arggh!” Lily exclaimed. “Those two…I could just _strangle_ them sometimes!”

Remus chuckled, shaking his head ruefully. “I hate to break it to you, Lily, but if their way of studying – or not studying, in this case – works for them, who are we to tell them differently?”

“Well,” Lily huffed, “it would be nice if they weren’t so _smug_ about it.”

* * *

**19 January**

The next day, Buffy woke up to something wet licking her face. Groggily opened her eyes, she was faced by a giant dog with wild, black, ruffled fur, tongue hanging, grey eyes twinkling impishly.

“GAH! Sirius!” Buffy yelled, suddenly wide awake, wiping of her face with a grimace. “What the HELL do you think you’re doing?!” She grabbed the overgrown puppy (Sirius really acted that way sometimes) by the neck, and flung him across the room, away from her bed. “Ugh!” She grimaced, spitting and spluttering, trying to rid her lips of dog-fur. “Gross!”

Someone chuckling made Buffy turn to the doorway in anger, where James and her boyfriend stood, grinning, at the Slayer’s furious expression. “Don’t look at me,” Remus defended as he approached the bed, “it was all Sirius idea. I had nothing to do with it, and couldn’t have stopped him even if I wanted to. You know how he gets.” He bent down and gave her a kiss, but quickly pulled back, wrinkling his nose. “You taste like dog.”

Buffy stuck out her tongue.

Sirius changed back, shaking his head to rid himself of the dizziness from hitting the wall. “Was that necessary?” He whined. “I might have a concussion! And I, who was only being polite, giving you a birthday kiss and all.”

“A little warning might have been nice,” Buffy muttered, but her lips twitched. “And next time, try to slobber a little less.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Sirius saluted.

“Happy eighteenth,” Remus congratulated, throwing a messily wrapped present onto her lap.

“Thanks,” Buffy said, shaking the gift, which rattled ominously.

Remus winced, grabbing her wrist. “Don’t do that,” he begged.

Buffy pouted. “Why? Is it easy to break?”

“It shouldn’t be,” Remus said. “But with your strength…I would have put an unbreakable charm on it, but it would interfere with the spells making it work…” Buffy gave him a curious look, but Remus refused to say anything else.

James, in the meantime, had walked over to Lily’s bed, and was now bouncing on it enthusiastically. “Lily, darling, wake up!”

“James, darling, shut up,” Lily returned sleepily, grabbing her pillow and pulling it over her head.

James snickered, pulling it away. “Aww, you know you love me. Besides, it’s Buffy’s birthday. You don’t want to sleep it away, do you?”

Lily groaned, sitting up. “But it’s Saturday! I wanted a sleep in!”

“So did I,” Buffy muttered, from her bed, but not without eyeing James and Sirius very empty hands with a frown. “Where are my presents?” She demanded, glaring. “You owe me presents!”

“Wasn’t my kiss present enough?” Sirius pouted. “Prongs, she’s so cruel!” Sobbing, he threw himself over James’ lap. The Head Boy patted Sirius’ head sympathetically.

“There, there, Padfoot,” he comforted. “Do you want your teddy-bear?”

Sirius’ theatrical bawling grew louder and he started to kick his legs up and down. Lily slowly inched away from him, to the end of the bed, giving Sirius a look that clearly conveyed her feelings on the handsome boy’s sudden return to infancy: _‘He’s insane.’_

Remus rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “Sometimes, I wonder what’s going on in that head of his. Not to mention Prongs, who never fails to play along.”

“Only sometimes?” Buffy said, chuckling, while eying James, who was now also crying crocodile tears, while hugging onto Sirius for dear life, both of them trying to outdo the other. “Personally, I wonder about it all the time.”

“Here,” Lily muttered, throwing her own neatly wrapped present onto Buffy’s lap, sitting down beside the blonde, beneath the covers. “Those two aren’t likely to stop anytime soon, so you might as well start opening your gifts.”

“Their gift – Peter’s as well - are downstairs,” Remus added. “It was too big to bring up here. Peter’s guarding it.”

Buffy blinked. “What the Hell did they get me?”

“You probably don’t want to know,” Remus and Lily chorused.

Shrugging, Buffy opened her gift from Lily, smiling as she saw the blue sweater inside. On the back, almost the same message that Buffy had written in her notebook to Remus for Christmas was printed: _Property of Moony, who likes to snuggle, chocolate, and Buffy Summers. Approach me on your own risk: I might kick your arse._

Buffy sniggered. “You see that, Re? You ought to have that message on all of your stuff. Though I do take offense in being called _property.”_ She mock-scowled at Lily.

“Property or not, you’re still mine,” Remus whispered in her ear, making Buffy shudder in delight.

“I suppose I could have a far worse owner,” Buffy mused, while opening Remus’ gift, a glass figurine of a wolf, a bright silver light pulsing were the heart would have been if the wolf was real.

“I got the idea from James’ Christmas present to Lily,” Remus admitted ruefully as Buffy admired it. “But, the difference is that we can use it to sense each other’s emotions.”

“Emotions? How?” Buffy asked eagerly. Lily was eying the figurines with just as much excitement as Buffy.

“It works like a mood stone – not the muggle kind, the magical kind, which works. The one I gave you displays my emotions. This one – “ Remus pulled up a smaller Griffin figurine from his pocket, which heart currently shone in deep gold – “shows yours.”

“What does gold and silver mean?” Buffy wondered, inwardly thinking they must have cost a fortune, but she knew better than to mention it to Remus, who was really sensitive when it came to subjects such as money.

“Gold is happiness and enthusiasm. Silver means contentment and relaxation,” Remus explained. “Here,” he added, pulling up a folded piece of parchment from his pocket. “It’s a list on what the different colours mean. I – “ The rest of his sentence was muffled, as Buffy had thrown herself on him and was now kissing him quite enthusiastically.

Finally, she drew away, leaving Remus looking rather dazed. “Well,” he mumbled. “You still taste dog, but that session more than made up for that.” Buffy smacked him.

“These must have cost a fortune,” Lily breathed, lifting up the wolf and inspecting it with bright eyes, bringing up the question Buffy didn’t dare to.

Remus shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “Not really. I had the Griffin at home already – it was a gift from my parents when I was sorted into Gryffindor – and I found the wolf at a muggle antique shop. All it cost was time and effort in charming them to display emotions and connect them to our magical Aura.”

_“All it cost?_ You make it sound like nothing! This is fantastic charm work, Remus!” Lily gushed enthusiastically. “I’d pay for one of these!”

“It’s not like it was my idea or anything,” Remus said, flushing. “I got the idea from James’ and Sirius’ two-way mirrors, James gift to you, and mood stones, like I said. And things like these are already for sale in the wizarding world.”

“And cost far more galleons than most can afford,” Lily countered. “I bet you could make a fortune on creating things like this for the students at Hogwarts!“

But Remus was only shaking his head, not meeting Lily’s eyes, opening his mouth to protest.

“Oh, stop torturing him, Lils,” James interrupted, he and Sirius done with the theatrics. “You know how unpretentious Remus is. Come on, let’s go down and we’ll show you our gift,” he told Buffy.

“We’ll have to get dressed first,” Lily reminded him.

James shrugged. “Alright, if you insist. We’ll meet you downstairs, then.” He, Sirius and Remus filed out of the room.

“I so want to know how they can get into the girls’ dorms without the stairs activating,” Lily sighed. “If for no other reason than to get one over them.”

“Well,” Buffy chuckled. “As your boyfriend would say, and have said, it’s a Marauder secret, and will probably stay that way.”

* * *

“What is that?” Buffy exclaimed incredulously as she got down to the common room along with Lily. The Marauders, Mandy and Samantha - who had both joined them – stared at her reaction with amusement. Several other Gryffindors were also standing around, eying the wardrobe with just as much enjoyment as suspicion.

“It’s our gift!” Sirius said, grinning. “Don’t you like it?”

“It’s…a wardrobe,” Buffy said slowly. “With what? Clothes?”

James and Sirius exchanged twinkling looks. “Yeah. The best kind.”

“Well, thanks, I guess,” Buffy muttered, opening the wardrobe door – and was immediately covered in the contents. Lingerie. A lot of it. And very indecent.

“I had nothing to do with this!” Peter piped up, hiding behind Samantha as Buffy relieved herself of the final piece of clothing, a lazy pink bra, which had ended up in her hair. “I suggested clothes, and then Sirius and James took the idea farther and farther.”

“I believe you,” Buffy muttered.

“Traitor,” Sirius muttered. “It’s not like you didn’t help pay for it!”

Peter flushed guiltily. “I thought you were only joking when you said you’d buy…this sort of stuff! I didn’t think you’d actually go ahead and do it!”

“It’s okay,” Buffy assured Peter, shrugging. “I can see the humour in it, at least. And now I have underwear to last me two lifetimes.”

“Are you alright, Moony?” James said, amused.

“Yeah,” Sirius cut in, smirking. “You’re looking a little bit flushed.”

And he did. Remus’ face was a deep tomato red, but no one could tell if it was from anger, embarrassment or even excitement. “I’m fine,” he bit out through clenched teeth, which made the first explanation most likely, but knowing Remus, it could just as easily be the second.

Lily on the other hand, was glowering daggers at James and Sirius. “Are you out of your mind? Underwear? What were you thinking?”

“Actually, we were both hoping Buffy would share with you and Mandy,” Sirius spoke up, grinning widely. This made Mandy join Lily in her glaring.

“Anyway,” James said quickly, perhaps realising both he and Sirius were in danger of dismemberment, “we should get the closet back to McGonagall’s bedroom before she misses it.”

Jaws dropped.

“Did he say McGonagall’s bedroom?” Michaela Duncan exclaimed weakly from her place by the fire incredulously. “Do James and Sirius have a death wish?”

“I’m starting to wonder,” Nick Vandom answered, staring at the two boys with open admiration.

James and Sirius were basking in the attention. “It was a piece of cake, really,” Sirius explained. “We bribed a house-elf to show us the way, then talent, stealth and a levitation and banishing charm took care of the rest.”

“Yeah,” James agreed. “But the most interesting, or perhaps disturbing, part was emptying the closet before filling it with Buffy’s new clothes. You would never guess how many tartan robes Professor McG has! It’s insane! Not to mention her own underwear…” he shuddered. “Some of it was a lot more daring than I expected.”

A lot of the Gryffindors looked very disturbed by this piece of information.

Buffy sighed, waving her wand and banishing her new underwear to her dorm, glad she and Lily had all that extra space since the twins changed rooms, before watching James and Sirius make McGonagall’s closet soar towards the portrait hole, where Sirius flicked his wand, banishing the closet to the other side. They both climbed out, and all was silent, before everyone burst out talking at once.

All day, Professor McGonagall was wondering why everyone was staring at her and giggling, and did not doubt it had something to do with the Marauders, though of course she couldn’t prove anything. Nor could she prove that the reorganisation of all her clothes had anything to do with them, but she had her suspicions. However, in this case, she had a feeling that maybe she was better off not knowing.

* * *

“I can’t believe we lost,” Mandy moaned later that afternoon, after Ravenclaw’s crushing defeat at the hands of Slytherin at the Quidditch Pitch.

“I can,” James said. “Ravenclaw’s Chasers are mostly superb, but Slytherin’s are also very good, as much as I hate to admit it. And Regulus is an excellent Seeker, while Mariah Tyers is sort of awful.”

“Still,” Mandy muttered. “I think it’s sort of unfair actually, how the job of the Chasers, who really work the hardest, doesn’t really mean anything if the team has a bad Seeker. Most everything surrounding the game is about the Seekers, if you think about it. I know it’s not the same when you reach professional, international level of the game, but here, in school, the team who captures the Snitch is almost always guaranteed a win.”

“Let’s not think about Quidditch anymore,” Sirius said. “It’s only depressing Mandy.” He squeezed her waist comfortingly.

“Aww, Siri, I didn’t know you cared,” James said in a girly voice, fluttering his eyelashes. “Kiss me, please! Ow!” Lily had, predictably, smacked him.

“If you insist, Jamie,” Sirius answered, in an even higher voice, pouting with his lips and leaning forward towards James, who quickly backed away.

“I wasn’t serious!”

“But I am! Sirius, I mean,” Sirius joked, making the others groan.

“Not that horrible joke again,” Peter complained. “I thought you’d finally stopped!”

“I can’t let such a perfect opportunity pass me by,” Sirius answered. “Well, Prongs, what do you say?” He pouted his lips again. ”Kiss me?”

“Are you out of your mind?” James exclaimed, now hiding behind Lily.

“Not that I can tell,” Sirius said thoughtfully. “But it is probably true.”

* * *

**24 January**

The full moon shone brightly as Buffy made her way back through the forest towards the castle after a long patrol. She knew she had been wrong to go out tonight, especially as Remus had begged her to stay inside, where she would be safe from him, but she had anyway.

The truth was that she felt guilty. She’d been putting off patrolling, excusing herself with the fact that the Forbidden Forest was boring, and that she could keep herself in shape by practicing in the Room of Requirement. But when Dumbledore came to ask for Remus’ father’s help during the werewolf attack, and she didn’t offer to help, she couldn’t deny it anymore – she was repressing who she really was – the Slayer. Maybe it was about time she started to acting like one, rather than hiding behind the ‘I’m just a normal girl facade.’

It had been fun for awhile, and Buffy did enjoy feeling normal...but pretending she wasn’t the Slayer wasn’t working out anymore. Lately, she’d felt accountable for every little bad thing she read about in the _Daily Prophet._ As she should - there was a war going on and Buffy was hiding behind the safe walls of Hogwarts, when, as the Slayer, she should be on the front lines...

Shaking her head, she pushed the thoughts away. She couldn’t do anything about it now...but she was going to make up for it, she told herself, once she graduated – she would become the Slayer again. No more denying who she really was...

Sighing, she looked up at the moon. She’d secretly been hoping she would have had run into Moony tonight, which was the second reason she had come to the forest, the first being to make up for her guilty conscious. After her two encounters with the werewolf, she was becoming more and more curious. The first time, he had acted like an actual werewolf, Hell bent on hurting her…at first. Then, he’d calmed down, actually _relaxed,_ between his furious attempts to get up.

The second time had been…amazing. Time had stood still as their eyes had met. Moony had trusted her not to hurt him, and she had trusted him not to attack. Still, the first time had been during extreme circumstances, and the second time had been a meeting of less than a minute.

Had it all been because of a lack of reaction time, a lack of strength, rather than a miracle (based on love)? The only way to tell what it was that made Moony act less than the wild, dangerous beast he was, and more like a faithful pet, was to test it.

Buffy knew she’d never get Remus’ approval to do that, so that’s why while on patrol, she’d been inwardly hoping to run into him, alone, without James, Sirius and Wormtail there to calm him. Since that obviously wasn’t tonight, she’d go again the next full moon, until their paths crossed. Let no one say Buffy wasn’t determined!

Suddenly, she heard a loud howl coming from the west, and she perked up and deviated from the path, running against the sound, her steps echoing against the frozen ground and the naked trees casting evil-looking shadows around her. Finally, she burst into a clearing, over which the moonlight shone so brightly that Buffy had to blink several times to readjust her vision.

There, in the middle of the clearing was a lake, and by the lake was a huge rock, like a cliff, looking a lot like a smaller version of _‘Pride Rock’_ in the Lion King, and on the rock stood Moony, howling against the moon, which was reflected in the water.

It was a beautiful sight, like something taken directly from a fairytale, a picture you could dream of and fantasize about, but never experience for real. Buffy could hardly breathe.

Somewhere, in the distance, she heard a dog bark.

Moony stopped howling and turned his head, looking straight at her, and time stopped again as their eyes met. He looked so beautiful, standing there, covered in moonlight, fur almost glittering, amber eyes wise and shining, as he stared at her with an intensity that took the Slayer’s breath away.

The lycan jumped off the cliff and slowly approached her – not as a predator, but as someone being faced with a curiosity one didn’t quite know what to make of, not taking his eyes off of her. Buffy met his gaze calmly, standing completely still.

After what seemed like an eternity, Moony finally reached her. His head leaning forward, he sniffed her hand. Buffy knew this was insanity. If the werewolf suddenly decided to bite her, she wouldn’t stand a chance. She wouldn’t even have time to react, he was so close. But yet, she felt completely serene, calm. Something told her that Moony only wanted to say hello, not hurt her.

It seemed as if Moony had finished smelling her, because suddenly, he bumped his snout against her stomach, making Buffy stumbled back a step. His eyes looked playful, and a long pink tongue was hanging out of his open mouth. He let out a bark, just as playful as his eyes, and then turned around in a circle, as if he was trying to catch his own tail.

Buffy laughed, a rich pearly sound, of both happiness and amazement. She had been right! Moony wouldn’t – or maybe couldn’t – hurt her.

The large wolf sank down on his stomach in front of Buffy, resting his head on his front paws. Buffy sat down beside him, her movements slow and gentle, before she stretched out a hand and started to massage his back and scratch him behind his ears.

Moony had a look of deep contentment on him, and his tail was waggling in lazy motions, back and forth. A deep, noisy rumble of pleasure originating from somewhere deep inside escaped his wide jaws, and then he yawned, showing off several razor sharp, glistening teeth.

Suddenly, a noise came from the bushes and Moony’s head jerked up, his eyes flickering back and forth as he stood up in a protective stance in front of the surprised Slayer. Then, he seemed to relax again, and sank back down onto the ground, apparently dismissing the sound as unimportant, or regarding it as something unthreatening.

The source of the noise was soon revealed as two large animals, and one small, burst into the clearing, the small animal, a rodent, riding on the antlers of a majestic stag. The third animal, a giant black dog, seemed to blink and halt in his steps as he took in the scene in front of him. A human, and a werewolf, sitting peacefully side by side, the werewolf allowing himself to be petted by the slight girl, both of them with peaceful expressions on their faces.

The three animals looked completely dumbfounded.

Buffy smiled at the three animals and stood up, to the obvious disappointment of the lycan as he let out a whiny noise. “I’ll let you lead him back to the Shack now,” she said, patting Moony one last time, and actually placing a kiss on the tip of his nose, to the werewolf’s surprise. “Try not to lose him, next time.”

* * *

**25 January**

“Come in,” Dumbledore said, and with a wave of his hand the door to his office slowly opened, revealing Buffy, a hand raised to knock. She frowned, entering the office and sitting down in the seat in front of the Headmaster’s desk.

“How did you know I was there?” She asked, quite put out to be honest – she’d thought she was stealthy.

The Headmaster chuckled. “Ah, that will have to remain an old man’s secret. Can I offer you a lemon drop?”

Buffy shook her head. “Uh, no, but thanks for asking... Actually, I had a couple of questions.”

Dumbledore leaned back in his seat, nodding for her to continue. “Please, ask away.”

“I went patrolling last night, in the forest.”

“Ah, it has been awhile, hasn’t it?”

Buffy gave Dumbledore a surprised look, and the Headmaster chuckled. “You will find very little regarding the happenings in this school and its ground surprises me,” he said. “I am more than aware you have been taking a break from your...extracurricular activities.”

“Right,” Buffy said slowly. “About that...I know I haven’t been acting very...Slayer-like since I got here. And I can’t help but think that I should. I mean, there’s a war going on, and here I am, safe, enjoying myself in a cosy castle...”

“You’re feeling guilty,” Dumbledore noted and Buffy’s shoulders sagged.

“Yeah. If you don’t mind me asking...you know what I am,” Buffy said, “or who, or whatever. What I can do. So why haven’t you asked me for help earlier? I mean, I know I probably should have asked myself, but...” She trailed off.

“The reason is quite simple. You might be the Slayer, Buffy, but you are also a girl. And this is not your war. Magic – this kind of magic – is quite new to you, and to send you into a situation you are not fully prepared for is not something I would ever do,” Dumbledore reasoned, looking at her over half-moon glasses.

“What about the werewolf attack during Christmas break?” Buffy asked.

Dumbledore sighed. “It might have been prudent to have your aid there, I will admit, but you were enjoying your holidays with Remus. And I don’t know how I could possibly have justified your presence to Jonathan without revealing who you are,” Dumbledore explained. “And speaking of, I would much rather your identity be kept under wraps for as long as possible. If Voldemort found out about your abilities...needless to say, we don’t want that to happen.” He sighed. “Do not worry about the war. Allow yourself to be a normal young woman for a few more months. From what I understand, you haven’t had much of a chance before coming to this world.”

Buffy swallowed. “I just don’t understand why I have to be one or the other,” she said. “Why can’t I be both? Both the Slayer and Buffy, at the same time?”

Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled. “Balance,” he said knowingly. “You wish to find balance within yourself, to be all that you can be without sacrificing one side of you.” He smiled. “You will find this is something everyone wants for themselves. It can be difficult to find balance for a ‘normal’ person – I can only imagine how it must be for you. But give it time. You are a headstrong person. Give it time and you will succeed, I am certain.”

More at ease, Buffy allowed herself to smile back at the wizened old man, feeling as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She still felt guilty – she still felt as though she should be doing more, or at least, something. But Dumbledore was also right. She wasn’t ready for this war, for fighting against people. It wasn’t as black and white as it had been for her in the past. This time, it wasn’t demons who were wreaking havoc, but people. People with heartbeats, and souls, however corrupted they might be...

Buffy had always prided herself upon her morals – could she really kill someone? A living someone? She shuddered. She wasn’t ready yet. She needed time to get better, both at fighting with magic, against magic, but also time to steel herself: Once she joined this battle, she understood, she wouldn’t be just the Slayer. She would, sooner or later, become a killer too...

“If I am not mistaken, there was one thing you wanted to ask me?” Dumbledore asked calmly, interrupting Buffy’s rapidly darkening thoughts. Buffy looked up, startled, remembering the actual reason she’d come here – to ask about Moony’s lack of aggressiveness towards her.

“Uh...yes, actually,” she said, slightly wary. How had he known there was something else? Had he been reading her mind? When no change of expression came in the Headmaster’s face, she slowly let her paranoia go. “It’s about Remus. Him in werewolf form, I mean...”

* * *

On his way out of the Hospital Wing, where Madam Pomfrey once again had proclaimed him surprisingly healthy, Remus almost crashed into Mandy and Samantha, both blocking the doorway.

“We thought we’d find you here,” Mandy said, arms crossed, as Remus gave the girls a nervous look.

“Oh…uh…why?”

“Sirius and Peter told us,” Samantha said.

“Indeed, they did,” Mandy agreed. “It got me thinking.”

Remus threw Madam Pomfrey a panicked look, but the matron only let an eyebrow rise, and then, disappeared into her office.

“Once a month, you, Sirius, Peter and James all seem to mysteriously disappear,” the Ravenclaw continued. “The morning after, you always visit the Hospital Wing for one minor reason or another.”

“At first we thought they were pranks gone wrong,” Samantha cut in, slightly nervous.

“But then I realised your disappearances always happen on the full moon, the hours leading up to it have Buffy looking like a nervous wreck, and Lily on edge,” Mandy added. “So, our question is, and don’t take offense if we’re wrong, are you, Remus John Lupin, a werewolf? And if you are, how can Peter, James and Sirius be with you?"

For a moment, Remus only stared. Then, his shoulders slumped. It was over. Seeing his defeated look, Samantha quickly said: "It's alright if you are, you know. You're still our friend."

Seeing the Hufflepuff's and the Ravenclaw's encouraging and supporting looks, Remus slowly nodded in answer. Mandy's eyes grew a little wider. "Wow," she said, sounding slightly faint. "I didn't think we were actually right."

Remus swallowed heavily.

"We won't tell anyone," Samantha assured him gently. "Who else knows?"

"Dumbledore, of course," Remus said quietly. "The majority of the professors, Madame Pomfrey, Lily, Buffy, James, Sirius, Peter. And Snape."

Mandy's and Samantha's eyes almost bulged out of their heads. "Snape?" They echoed. "You told _Snape?"_

"It's a long story. He wasn't meant to find out." Remus seemed slightly more relaxed now. "So...you're still my friends?"

"Of course we are!" Mandy exclaimed hotly.

"And...you really won't tell?" Remus asked slowly, hardly daring to believe it. "That I'm a...you know?"

Mandy snorted. “Of course not! Do you trust us that little? We’re hurt that you didn’t trust us enough to tell us, but we understand why. Sam and I started thinking about it over the holidays, when coming to terms with the fact that Buffy is the Slayer, and then, when Sam got back from the hospital and agreed that we were alright with that little fact, you came up, and one thing lead to another, and here we are,” Mandy shrugged. “Sure, we were freaked out at first, but you’re our comrade in arms, our mate, our buddy. We would be lousy friends if we dismissed you just like that over something you can’t help, and something so trivial as you going a bit hairy once a month.”

“Trivial?” Remus echoed dumbly.

“Well, it’s obviously not trivial to you,” Samantha said gently, “but to us, it doesn’t matter. You’re still Remus.”

“So, our next question. Where do Sirius, James and Peter go when you’re transformed?”

Remus smiled tiredly, a weight he didn’t even know he had dropping from his shoulders. All his friends knew now. No more secrets, not from him, anyway. And all his friends were alright with it. It was either a miracle, or he had somehow, someway, found the best friends in the entire world. “They’re with me.”

Mandy jerked back in shock. “They are werewolves to?”

Remus chuckled. “No. But…ah, consider our nicknames, and I’m sure you’ll figure it out, clever as you are,” he said, and breezed past them, whistling, as he disappeared down the corridor.

“But…” Samantha protested, but Mandy was already muttering under her breath: “Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. Moony is Remus, because of the moon and the impact it has on him obviously. Wormtail is Peter, Padfoot is Sirius, and Prongs is James…but why? A worm…tail? Padfoot…padded feet? Prongs means…antlers?” The Ravenclaw said out loud to herself, completely confused. “HUH?”

“Oh!” Samantha exclaimed, slapping her forehead. “They’re animagi! Of course!”

“Animagi?” Mandy questioned. “But…they’ve had those nicknames for ages. That means they’ve been able to transform since…since…fifth year,” Mandy moaned. “Fifth year! How? It’s supposed to be so difficult!”

“Yes, but James and Sirius are smart and talented, and I know Peter is smarter than he looks,” Samantha said. “If he really wanted to, he could pull it off.”

“But…they’re not in the registry,” Mandy protested. “Otherwise, we would have heard of it. People as young as they, managing to transform…it would have been all over the papers!”

“And since when have the Marauders ever followed the rules?” Samantha asked, mildly.

Mandy huffed, not having an answer to that.

* * *

Buffy sat silently in front of the wizened old Headmaster, as he stroked his long beard thoughtfully. “Well?” Buffy asked nervously. “What do you make of it? Why doesn’t Remus hurt me when he’s transformed? I mean, logically, he should, right? Not that I’m complaining, but a reason would be nice.”

“You are certain it was not a fluke?” Dumbledore questioned.

“Positive,” Buffy said firmly. “This was the third time. The longest time as well, if you don’t count the first, when he was wounded.”

“But the first time, he did try to attack you?” Dumbledore clarified. “That was the impression I got?”

“Well, yes, at first, but then he calmed down. I don’t think it was because he was hurt or because he was growing weaker. It was like he started to trust me, instead,” Buffy said, biting her lip, eyes serious as she waited for the Headmasters explanation.

Dumbledore nodded and rose, walking over to a certain spot on the wall, where he pressed his hand against the wallpaper, muttering a few words that even Buffy’s extraordinary hearing couldn’t catch. A piece of the wall suddenly sunk in and aside, revealing a large compartment with a pile of ancient looking books.

Dumbledore grabbed the entire stack, placing them on the table, making a large cloud of dust fly up from the old covers. One by one, he went through them, until he finally reached the last book, a black tome that had clearly seen its better days, only holding itself together by a thread. The title was impossible to see, and the pages were yellowed, brown, really, with age, and as the Headmaster opened it, Buffy could see it looked handwritten, in old English, in a cursive script.

Dumbledore carefully and methodically turned page after page, his eyes skimming down the old writing. _“The book of paranormal myths and marvels within the magical world,”_ Dumbledore said. “The only copy there is. Some of the information in here is total rubbish, of course. It was written a long time ago, when people didn’t know as much as we do today. But a lot are things which have been forgotten, as time went by and generations passed. Many are things the world ought to be aware of, still, magic we should be performing, but has been outlawed because of politics and the fears and views of many ignorant rulers who have made it into power during our world’s long existence, one way or another.”

Buffy didn’t know what to say to that. After all, Dumbledore was a man with his own opinion what was right and should and should not be allowed. Until she knew what the book said, which she doubted she would ever learn, there was no way for her to have an opinion about its contents one way or another.

“Ah, here it is. The shapeshifters, the wolfmen, known to us as werewolves.” Dumbledore once again fell silent as he read through the entry, which stretched for several pages. Buffy bit her nails nervously, as Dumbledore, when finished, went back and reread it.

“I see…unexpected,” Dumbledore muttered, nodding to himself. “But not all together unwelcome, I might think…hmm…yes, yes. This would explain it…interesting.”

“What is?” Buffy pressed, finally getting tired of waiting for the Headmaster to finish.

“Oh, I am sorry.” Dumbledore chuckled ruefully. “This is so fascinating; I almost forgot you were here.”

Buffy glowered and Dumbledore cleared his throat. “Yes, yes, an explanation. Well, the only explanation I could find, and believe, is that you and Remus might be, and probably are, soulmates.”

“Soulmates?” Buffy echoed. “As in meant to be, destined, that sort of thing?”

“Quite,” Dumbledore said. “It says here, that a possible way to calm a werewolf down is to place him or her in the presence of a human who is the mate to the unchanged wolfman.”

“The boyfriend or girlfriend of the untransformed werewolf?” Buffy said, confused.

“Yes, indeed. But clearly, it must all be based on true, untainted, unbiased, love. It can’t just be any girlfriend or boyfriend, of course. The emotions must be real, the personalities, the souls and auras must be compatible. It is rare to find your soulmate, Miss Summers, but everyone have one, somewhere. Often, they don’t reside in the same dimensions, or the same lifetime. Some people wait forever and never discover theirs. Most people settle for what they find, and are happy. You are extremely lucky.”

“Remus is my soulmate?” Buffy asked, wanting it clarified, one last time.

“It seems so,” Dumbledore said, nodding. “This is the reason Remus the werewolf doesn’t hurt you. He wants to protect you, to take care of you. You are the two sides of a coin, two halves of a whole. Without each other, you would be incomplete.”

“But it doesn’t make any sense,” Buffy protested. “Then why did Remus try to hurt me when we first met? I know he calmed down, but…”

“Ah, it’s all part of the mystery that is the mating of a lycan,” Dumbledore chuckled. “And of course, you and the wolf met for the first time during very extreme circumstances. It says here, in the book, which I will translate into a little more modern English, for your sake, that _the first time of the meet between wolf and mate, the wolfman shall want to hurt her_ – it was the belief that only men could become werewolves during the time this was written – _and try, but something will make him halt. The wolfman shall experience emotions of the heart for the human female and be bewildered. In turn, the human shall experience love and compassion, even when staring at the ghastly image of that which should not be.”_

Buffy listened, transfixed.

_“The second time of the meet, both human and wolfman shall admire and respect each other, as they unconsciously gaze into the depths of each other’s souls, and the time of trial and judgement passes by. If the balance is uneven, the process of mating will be frozen, and the wolfman shall be a beast and predator to the human childe once again and forever more. If the balance is true, both shall calm and trust each other, and feel contentment in each other’s presence.”_

This must have been what had happened the second time, Buffy realised, inwardly thinking over that meeting in her head. What Dumbledore said, it was correct, at least it fit her emotions at that time perfectly. It was almost a bit eerie. She shuddered.

_“The third time of the meet, both human and wolfman shall greet each other like new friends. Both shall see beauty in each other’s souls, both shall sense serenity and joy, completion, and the need to protect the other. The actions of complete faith and trust in each other shall be made, and the wolfman and human shall from here on and forth be as one and never two again.”_

* * *

**Published:** 04/02 -15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers.


	22. Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**30 January**

The Gryffindor common room was filled with laughing and talking students, enchanted lights in various flashing colours floating slightly below the ceiling. Loud music was being played, and all of the furniture had been removed, so the floor was almost completely empty, and perfect for dancing. 

The reason for the party was leaning against a table filled with refreshment – Lily Evans. The redhead – eighteen years old today – was calmly, with a serene smile on her face, watching the students enjoy themselves. Every now and then she would sneak a look towards the portrait hole, waiting for James to return from the kitchens. The boy standing beside her, however, was morosely staring into his cup of punch, a crease between his eyebrows.

“Is it just me, or has Buffy been acting…weird lately?” Remus asked, while taking a sip from the punch (hopefully not spiked), frowning as he watched the Slayer on the dance floor with a slightly intoxicated Sirius.

Lily cocked her head slightly, while she fingered the necklace she’d gotten from James this morning, as his gift to her. “I’m not sure,” she mused. “She’s been rather quiet, I suppose, but other than that…” She shrugged, trailing off. 

“Well, I’m worried,” Remus said. “Maybe something happened that she doesn’t want to tell me…”

“I don’t think it’s anything to be concerned about,” Lily said resolutely. “She looks happy enough to me.”

“After who knows how many drinks,” Remus muttered. “Anyway, when did she begin acting strangely? Directly after Christmas?”

Lily sighed, inwardly rolling her eyes. “After the last full moon, I think… Hey, where are you going?”

The moment Lily had finished saying ‘moon’, Remus had put down his drink and was now approaching the dance floor and a laughing Slayer with determined steps. “Buffy. We need to talk.”

Buffy’s laughter died, and she stared at her boyfriend with unsmiling eyes. “Can it wait? I’m sort of in the middle of something here…” She gestured towards Sirius, who was rolling his hips to the beat of the music. “It’s Lily’s birthday. We should be celebrating! We can talk later.” She made to turn back to Sirius, but Remus resolutely grabbed her arm.

“I want to talk now.”

Buffy pursed her lips. “Fine. Party pooper,” she pouted, frowning.

“Jealousy issues,” someone mumbled, and Remus’ eyes narrowed but he said nothing. Instead, dragged Buffy with him up the stairs leading to the boy’s dormitory, ignoring the whispers from Lily’s party guests.

James, who’d just come back through the entrance, gave the two a confused look. “What was that all about?” he muttered to Lily, putting down the bowl of snacks he’d gotten from over-eager house elves.

“I don’t know,” Lily said, sighing. “Probably Remus’ paranoia. Not jealousy of Sirius, at any rate, that’s for sure.”

* * *

“What the Hell is wrong with you?” Buffy hissed, as the door to the Marauders’ dorm closed behind them. “I was dancing! Did you have to make a scene?”

“I did not make a scene,” Remus answered, crossing his arms. “I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Fine! Ask away,” Buffy said, crossing her arms as well and raising her head a bit defensively.

“You’ve been acting strangely,” Remus said. “Ever since the full moon. And I want to know why.”

Buffy lowered her eyes to the floor. The conversation with Dumbledore had turned Buffy’s mind into a storm of confusion. Remus being her soulmate hadn’t been entirely unexpected (in fact, she’d started to come to that conclusion herself, since her second meeting with Moony), nor had it been completely unwelcome. However, it was one thing to unconsciously suspect, and another to have it confirmed. 

In one way, this was just another thing that was ‘destined’ for her. Didn’t she have the right to make her own choices? What was it that made her the target for everything having to do with fate? First, her calling, prophecies, arriving here, and now, falling in love with Remus. Had that been destiny’s doing? Were her feelings only present because of fate, and not because they were real? How could she know? How would she ever know?

Not to mention, she had been so sure Angel had been her soulmate. Not that she was complaining that he wasn’t, considering how that relationship had ended, but - “Buffy? Are you listening to me?” Remus sounded faintly annoyed.

“Yes. But it’s none of your business. I’ll get over it!” Buffy said, trying to force up a grin that Remus didn’t buy for a second.

“Was it my fault?” Remus wondered. “Did I do something? You didn’t try to visit me when I was transformed, did you? If you did, that was really irresponsible – I could have hurt you. Did I hurt you?” Remus sounded more and more panicked with each word he spoke, and his eyes had widened as he stared at Buffy in horror.

For some reason, this made the Slayer feel rather annoyed. “For all that is holy, Remus, not everything has got something to do with you!” She exclaimed loudly. “Really, sometimes you can be rather self-centered.”

“Self-centered?” Remus gawked. “Are you calling me egotistical?”

“Yes!” Buffy almost yelled. “I am! I don’t want to talk about every little thing with you, but yet you can’t seem to get the hint! I’m asking you, let it go, alright? Let. It. Go!”

* * *

_“But it’s bothering you!”_

_“It’s my problem!”_ Buffy yelled.

_“But you’re making it mine!”_ Remus countered.

The party downstairs had come to a stop, and almost everyone was staring at the roof in fixation, as they listened to the fight going on upstairs. Those that didn’t, were doing their very best to ignore it, to no avail.

“They sure are loud, aren’t they?” James coughed uncomfortably.

_“How am I making it your problem?! I am not forcing you to worry, am I?”_

_“No, but I can’t just ignore you when you’re obviously upset!”_ Remus bellowed. _“I’m your boyfriend, for Merlin’s sake!”_

_“And that somehow gives you the right to decide what’s best for me?”_ Buffy’s voice yelled shrilly.

“What a birthday, huh?” Lily chuckled awkwardly. “Thanks for the presents, by the way.”

Mandy, Peter and Samantha smiled uneasily. Sirius, of course, was among those listening transfixed.

_“I didn’t say that!”_

_“But you were thinking it! This is not about you being worried! This is about jealousy, isn’t it? You can’t stand that I don’t always turn to you every time I’ve got a problem!”_

“Told you,” someone muttered.

_“Jealousy? Oh, that’s rich!”_ Remus shouted. _“Why on Earth would I be jealous? I’m_ worried! _And it’s not like you have talked to anyone about what’s bothering you this time, have you?”_

_“I talked to Lily!”_ Buffy hollered.

_“I know for a fact that you didn’t! I asked her!”_ Remus yelled triumphantly.

_“And now you’re spying on me? I can’t believe this!”_

_“I wasn’t spying! For the last time,_ I was worried!”

_“And for the last time, it’s none of your_ fucking _business!”_

There was a loud crunching sound of something being slammed through a wall rather forcefully, making everyone in the common room jump in shock. For several seconds, there was silence, no one uttering a word, and no sounds coming from upstairs.

“You don’t think they’ve killed each other, do you?” Sirius chuckled, only half-joking. “Maybe someone ought to check?” He looked around questioningly, being met with raised eyebrows and encouraging expressions, betraying their wish for him to follow his own advice. Sirius gulped, eying the stairs nervously. “Or maybe not.”

* * *

Buffy stared at the wall, and Remus’ hand wedged inside it in horror. “Oh my God, Re, are you okay?”

Remus grunted. “I’ve been better. I think I’m sort of stuck, actually.” He pulled his arm slightly backwards, and hissed in pain. “Yes. Definitely stuck.”

“Don’t move,” Buffy said, all anger forgotten.

“Believe me, I have no intention or way of moving anywhere anytime soon,” Remus muttered with a sigh. “Turns out slamming a fist into the wall isn’t one of the recommended actions for anger management,” he tried to joke, his own anger also fading away, being replaced with burning pain. “It worked, but I think I’ve broken my knuckles.”

Buffy let out something between a laugh and a choked sob as she took hold of Remus’ wrist with one hand, and ripped away pieces of the wall with the other, widening the hole until she could pull his hand out, ignoring the debris of stone falling down onto the floor. It had already swelled up to gigantic proportions, the knuckles bleeding heavily and the color of the bruised skin an angry blue and purple.

“Are you sure you only broke the knuckles?” Buffy asked doubtfully. “Because at the moment, I’d say it’s the whole hand.”

“I can’t really tell,” Remus said honestly, voice rather faint. “I’m actually not feeling anything at the moment. It went rather numb, all of sudden.”

Buffy winced in sympathy. “Well, it was a stone wall. It was bound to hurt. I’m impressed you got through it in the first place.”

“Yeah, well, tremendous anger, a week of worry mixed with one of the perks from being a werewolf: Extreme strength,” Remus grumbled.

Buffy chose not to answer that, the cause behind Remus’ sudden anger not forgotten. She had no wish to bring the reason for the fight back up again. Not until she had had more time to think about it herself. However, it seemed like Remus had other ideas.

“Buffy? Please, tell me,” Remus begged quietly. “Why have you been acting oddly? If you say it’s got nothing to do with me, I’ll believe you, and I’ll leave it be until you bring it up again, but if it does…then I have a right to know. Please.”

Buffy sighed, knowing Remus did have a right to know. This concerned him, just as much as it concerned her, if not more. “It’s…you know how Moony hasn’t hurt me, even once?” Buffy began awkwardly. “Well…this full moon, I ran into you in the Forbidden Forest, again. I know I shouldn’t have gone there,” she hurriedly continued, “especially since you asked me not to. But I had to know if those times were a fluke. They weren’t.”

Remus dragged in a sharp breath. 

“I went to talk to Dumbledore, hoping he would have an explanation as to why you didn’t treat me like any other human,” Buffy whispered. “He said it was because we’re apparently soulmates. Moony won’t hurt me because of that. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to, even if he tried. There was a long explanation behind it, but that was the gist of it. Simply put, we’re _destined._ Two sides of a coin, two halves of a whole and blah, blah, blah. Apparently, we complete each other.”

Remus was silent for a long time. “Oh,” he finally said, voice hoarse. “I see.”

“It’s not that I’m not okay with it,” Buffy tried to explain. “I love you. But I just need to come to terms with this. Alone. Almost everything in my life seems to have something to do with fate, and though I don’t mind this part of it, it’s still…not upsetting, exactly, but…a little bit disturbing. Shocking.”

“It certainly gives you something to think about,” Remus agreed humourlessly. “It makes you wonder, doesn’t it? Are your feelings real, or are they – “

“ – Created by something out of your control?” Buffy finished knowingly, with sad eyes. “We should probably get you to the Hospital Wing,” she muttered, changing the subject and averting her eyes, looking down at her feet.

“Yeah,” Remus muttered. They exited the room under a gloomy silence, none of them knowing what was to become of their relationship now. As they descended the steps and the common room’s occupants got sight of them, Lily let out a gasp.

“Remus! Your hand!”

“It’s fine,” he answered with a cheerless grin. “Someone should probably get a house elf to repair the wall, though. I sort of smashed it,” Remus admitted, before quickly exiting the portrait hole along with Buffy.

“He smashed the wall?” James whistled. “That’s a new one. Not even you have pissed him off enough to do that, Pads!”

“Isn’t the wall made of stone, though?” Michaela Duncan pointed out and whispers of excitement and wonder broke out. “Must have been one Hell of a blow…”

* * *

**1 February**

“Are you coming?” James asked Remus two days later. Remus was sitting at the edge of his bed, only half-dressed, head in his hands. The Prefect shook his head.

“No, tell McGonagall I’m not feeling well…”

James, Sirius and Peter gawked at each other. Remus, skipping class when it wasn’t a full moon? It was unheard of!

“Are…are you…alright, Moony?” Peter asked carefully. The day after the party, after being released from a disapproving Madam Pomfrey _(“slamming your hand through walls and purposefully damaging yourself…sometimes, I have no idea what’s going on in your head, Remus John Lupin!”),_ Remus had been unnaturally silent. 

He hadn’t answered a single question in class, nor performed any magic, only staring unblinkingly at his textbook and the enchanted quill that was methodically taking notes for him. He hadn’t eaten anything all day, only picked at his food, and whenever his friends had tried to capture his attention, he’d only gazed at them in confusion, as though he’d forgotten they were there and personally was somewhere else entirely.

He and Buffy hadn’t talked to each other at all – in fact, they seemed to be avoiding each other, and though Buffy wasn’t as bad off as Remus, she too had seemed a little dazed and lost in her own thoughts.

“I just told you no,” Remus snapped, raising his head and glaring at the three boys. “Just go to class, will you? I’ll be fine!”

“Maybe you should go to Madam Pomfrey?” Sirius suggested kindly. “Is your hand hurting?” He gestured towards the brace on Remus’ hand, which while healed, was still a bit sore and should be used and moved as little as possible for another day or so.

“I’m not ill!” Remus exclaimed hotly, before climbing down beneath his covers again. “I just don’t feel like going, that’s all. Just leave me alone!”

James sighed and pulled a hand through his hair, messing it up. “If you say so. Come on, guys.”

“But – “ Peter protested.

“This has got something to do with Buffy, mark my words,” James interrupted quietly as he closed the door behind them. “And whatever it is, it’s between the two of them. It’s none of our business.”

* * *

Remus stared up at the roof silently, not moving a muscle, as he desperately tried to come to terms with his swirling thoughts and emotions. Yesterday, after classes and after the others had fallen asleep, Remus had gone to Dumbledore to get the information surrounding the ‘bond’ he and Buffy had in person.

The Headmaster, not at all bothered by being woken during the middle of the night, had confirmed it all, and told him everything that he’d told Buffy, but yet Remus felt there was something missing. Dumbledore could only tell him the ‘facts’ after all, not help him sort out his feelings on the matter, nor could he tell him what to do. It was clear, however, that Dumbledore thought they were both extremely blessed, but Remus was far from certain he agreed with that.

He knew he loved Buffy…but _why?_ Not knowing the why made him feel as though he was under a love potion. Finding out he and Buffy were destined, soulmates, only made him doubt the source of their relationship. Would he still have loved her, if fate had not been involved? 

_“The wolfman and human shall from here on and forth be as one and never two again,”_ had Dumbledore said. This, if interpreted correctly, meant that he would feel incomplete without Buffy. As though he couldn’t live without her, and of course, she would feel the same way. Was he even his own person anymore? Was Buffy? 

Forever they would depend on one another, and if there was one thing Remus hated, it was to be _dependent_ on someone other than himself. His stubborn pride wouldn’t allow it. The wolf, always doing its best to scratch its way to the surface and push him, Remus, away, shouldn’t allow it. And yet, this time, it did, and happily.

Would they know if the other was in danger? Would the death of one cause the death of the other, since they were _‘one and the same?’_ If that was the case, it would give Remus a responsibility he didn’t want. While Slayers according to the myth, died young, there were theories that werewolves did too. That they aged more quickly because of the strain on their bodies whenever they transformed. No one had ever proven it, but no one had ever disproved it, either. Would he unwillingly cause the death of the woman he thought he loved?

Maybe he was reading too much into this, but he couldn’t help it. So much was unclear, and Remus didn’t like that. He liked being in control of his own life, his own emotions. As it stood, this – their bond – was just another thing completely out of Remus’ control, just as turning into a monster once a month was unavoidable. 

Remus sighed, turning to stare at the small glass griffin positioned at the bedside table, its heart pulsing in a dull brown, from which a sickly yellow sparked occasionally. Apparently, Buffy felt just as depressed and confused as he did...

* * *

**3 February**

Another two days later, something happened that made Remus even more morose than before - a sign appeared on the Gryffindor common room board concerning:

_WORK FAIR  
Hogsmeade is cancelled for all seventh years next Saturday on the eleventh. Instead, you will get a chance to meet with representatives from various occupations in the wizarding world on Hogwarts’ Quidditch Pitch. This is your opportunity to ask them your questions about your potential careers, and to make a good impression on your possible future co-workers and supervisors. _

_As an evaluation of your experiences during the fair, and a chance for some last minute advice concerning your future careers once you leave Hogwarts, all seventh years are also required to attend a meeting with your Head of House during the second week of March. Note that this meeting is of a more serious disposition than the one in your fifth year. Times of individual appointments are listed below.  
_

“Ooh, I can’t wait!” Lily exclaimed, staring dreamily straight ahead.

“I’m hoping Mad-Eye Moody will be the representative for the Aurors,” James said, and Sirius nodded along.

“Yeah! He seems awesome. Besides, isn’t he a good friend to Dumbledore’s and your father?”

“More of an acquaintance to my father,” James corrected. “But the connection can’t hurt! What do you say, Moony? Are you excited about the fair?”

Remus looked away. “Not really. I’m not even sure if I should go. It seems sort of pointless, doesn’t it?”

“It’s not pointless!” Lily protested. “It’s a great opportunity! I know your…problems might be larger than most people’s, but not even trying will certainly not help your odds any. Right, Buffy?”

“Right,” Buffy muttered, sneaking a quick glance at her boyfriend who refused to meet anyone’s eye.

“It can’t hurt your chances, anyway,” Peter encouraged. “There must be someone unprejudiced at the fair, at least!”

Remus smiled bitterly. “I’m sure that’s very likely, Pete.” But from the tone of his voice, it was clear he didn’t believe it, and was only humouring him.

* * *

**5 February**

Mandy clutched the arm of an unenthusiastic Buffy excitedly, as they entered the Great Hall for their first Apparation lesson along with her fellow sixth years. “I’ve so been looking forward to this!” She revealed. “Haven’t you?”

Buffy shrugged. “Not really.” The squeezing sensation the Slayer had experienced during her side-along Apparation had made the upcoming lessons to learn how to Apparate on her own less welcome than one might have thought, even though it was an important skill to have. (Not to mention, she had had other things on her mind – Remus, and their newly discovered ‘connection.’)

The Great Hall had been emptied of all tables, and the enchanted ceiling was displaying white fluffy clouds, reflecting the blue, sunny sky outside, the complete opposite of Buffy’s mood. The students all gathered in a large assembled heap in front of the four Heads of House; McGonagall, Slughorn, Flitwick and Birchanov, who were all watching them sternly, making sure they didn’t try any mischief – unnecessary, since the Marauders weren’t here, and they had no wannabe successors in this age-group. 

The worst misbehaviour came from some of the boys, who were staring at the young Ministry Witch there to instruct them with either lecherous and appreciative grins, occasionally letting out some wolf-whistles and degrading comments about her rather revealing robes. The Apparition instructor, in turn, was clearly enjoying the attention, both good and bad, which made Buffy and Mandy immediately classify her as a hopeless bimbo.

“May I have some quiet, please!” Professor McGonagall said sternly, once all students had arrived, and they all fell silent. “This is Stephanie Poe, who is here to instruct you all in the precise art of Apparition. It is in your best interest to listen carefully to what she has to say, if you wish to pass your Apparition test in April.”

“Indeed,” Stephanie said in a light, pearly voice while showing off her white, unblemished teeth, “my lessons here will be both difficult and draining, but I have no doubt that you will all manage most admirably. After all, we have twelve whole weeks to get to know each other! That ought to make everything so much easier, don’t you agree?”

Buffy and Mandy gave each other sickened looks as Stephanie let out a loud giggle, that unfortunately, had far too many of the boys staring at her in open admiration. The rest, however, were giving her incredulous looks, and most of the girls were exchanging the exact same expression as Buffy and Mandy; one of disgust. 

“I’m quite sure you’re all wondering how we are going to be able to hold these lessons here, considering it is usually impossible to Apparate or Disapparate within Hogwarts,” Stephanie continued with yet another blinding smile. “However, do not worry! Headmaster Dumbledore has lifted this enchantment for one hour, so you will be able to practice without any trouble caused by the wards. The only problems you may face are those of your own making.” She winked. 

“Remember that you will not be able to Apparate outside the Great Hall, but if you want to try, be my guest, but I will not be the one to pick up the pieces,” she added in a failed attempt to be humorous, earning herself horrified looks from Heads of House and students alike.

“Now, please position yourself so that you have a space of at least five feet in front of you,” Stephanie said and clapped her hands together, beaming all the while. The students quickly did their best to follow her instruction, with jumbled pushing and shoving, as people separated, accidentally bumped into one another and ordered others to disappear from ‘their’ space.

McGonagall, Slughorn, Flitwick and Birchanov did their best to stop the arguments and fights that broke out, while trying to line them up in a somewhat orderly fashion. In the meantime, Stephanie was staring at the disorder with a huge grin, doing nothing to help. “See how well things work when we all work together!” She squealed once the chaos calmed down and everyone had found a place to be, clapping her hands like a little child.

“Is she insane?” Sam Bryant, one of Gryffindor’s Beaters who had ended up beside Buffy, hissed in the Slayer’s ear. Mandy had been scuffled away with the moving crowd, and had ended up amongst her fellow Ravenclaws. 

“I’m beginning to think so, yeah,” Buffy muttered. “I just want to get this over with, if for no other reason than to get out of her presence.”

“Hear, hear,” Sam muttered.

McGonagall, looking rather dishevelled, called for quiet once again, and Stephanie waved her wand and immediately, rainbow coloured hoops appeared on the floor in front of every student. “I think I’m going to puke,” Buffy muttered, staring at her hoop – which of course had to be covered in glitter, as well - with utter revulsion.

“Uh huh,” Sam agreed, wrinkling his nose.

“Now, when Apparating, you must keep the three D’s in mind,” Stephanie said, leaning forward and placing her hands on her knees, as though she was talking to small children, and incidentally, revealing quite a bit of cleavage in the process. 

Sam unconsciously leaned forward to get a better look, and Buffy elbowed him sharply. “Ow!” He rubbed his ribs with a pout.

“Repeat after me: “Destination, Determination, Deliberation,” Stephanie said cheerily, straightening up again, pounding her right hand, clenched to a fist, into her left open palm with every word.

“Destination, Determination, Deliberation,” the crowd repeated dutifully, void of any enthusiasm.

“Excellent! Ten points to Hogwarts!” Stephanie said, hugging herself with a proud smile. “The first step is to fix your mind firmly on your desired destination – which is the inside of your hoop. Please, concentrate at your destination now, and nothing else.”

Buffy dutifully stared at the hoop unblinkingly, trying to ignore the sparkling glitter and the off-putting colours, not succeeding very well. It only made her eyes tear up and she squirmed uncomfortably, wanting nothing more than to be far away from her so-called ‘desired’ destination.

“The second step,” Stephanie instructed, “is to determinately focus on your desire to be inside the visualised space! Let your determination fill your soul!” She breathed in deeply, closed her eyes and then, after a few seconds, let her breath go with another big smile, looking utterly ridiculous.

Sam and Buffy glanced at each other furtively, both thinking the same thing: How in the world were they supposed to be able to concentrate on _wanting_ to arrive in that stomach-churning hoop? Shuddering, Buffy looked down at the hoop, desperately trying to forget the nauseating dislike she felt for it and for Stephanie, and also push all her worry over Remus away from her mind. Impossible, of course.

“The third and last step,” Stephanie said, “is to twirl on the spot, _feel_ your way into nonexistence, and move with deliberation. On my command, now, one – “

Buffy and Sam gave each other startled looks. They weren’t ready! And from the look of things, no one else was either.

“ – Two – “

Buffy closed her eyes in panic, trying to focus on the three D’s. _‘Destination, Determination, Deliberation. Desolation, Dissuasion, Delimitation – no, no, no,_ Destination…’

“ – THREE!”

Buffy flinched, spun around, somehow tripped over Sam who had spun a little bit too enthusiastically in her direction, and they both fell over, landing flat on their arses. “Bloody Hell!” “Ow!”

The Great Hall was filled with wobbling, stumbling students; Mandy had somehow bowled little Professor Flitwick over, and was babbling out apologies, staring at him in undisguised horror. Regulus Black had managed to kick Barret Kirk between the legs as he spun, and the Slytherin Chaser was turning a rather pasty colour; tears welling up in his eyes as he clutched his jewels protectively. 

Stephanie coughed, for a whole second looking rather apologetic, before her face once again broke into a smile. “Not to worry, not to worry! This always happens the first time! Adjust your hoops please, and return to your places, and we’ll try again!”

Three more attempts took place, each worse than the one that came before, until anything happened. There was a horrible shriek of pain and everyone turned around to stare at Mariah Tyers of Ravenclaw, who was staring at her arm floating in the air inside the hoop.

The four Heads of House immediately went up to her, McGonagall and Flitwick waved their wands; there was a loud bang and a cloud of purple smoke, and when it cleared, it was revealed Mariah had been put back together, but also looking rather green. A moment later, she fell into a dead faint.

“Ah, our first case of splinching!” Stephanie said happily, an expression of bliss on her face. “Splinching occurs when the mind is not determined enough! The three D’s, everyone! _Destination, Determination and Deliberation._ They are all just as important! Concentrate fully and determinately on your destination, and move, with deliberation, Like this!” Stephanie stepped forward, turned elegantly on the spot with her arms outstretched, and disappeared in a swirl of robes, re-appearing a couple of feet away.

“Now, try again…”

The hour went by, but nothing else happened. It seemed as though Mariah’s splinching had purged the students of all desire to learn how to Apparate, too afraid to fail to really dare to try. Stephanie didn’t seem at all bothered though. “It will happen, sooner or later,” she said merrily, vanishing the hoops with a wave of her wand. “After all, we have several lessons left! Goodbye, everyone, and I’ll see you next Sunday!” She skipped out of the Great Hall accompanied by Slughorn.

“I doubt I will ever learn,” Buffy said mournfully as she was reunited with Mandy and Sam left to find his own friends. “It’s not as though that woman really explained anything. Not to mention, I have no wish to end up in pieces.”

“Same here,” Mandy said. “But I expect there is no way to really teach anyone to Apparate. You just have to try and try, until you find a way that works for you.”

“Yeah, well, if I hear the three D’s one more time, I think I’ll scream. They make…sense, I suppose, but it’s not like they’re really helpful! Did you feel anything at all? I only became more and more annoyed.”

“I felt some sort of tingling in my left big toe,” Mandy offered. “But I think it was only due to my leg falling asleep.”

Buffy sniggered.

* * *

**Published:** 04/02 -15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers.


	23. Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in [Roads Travelled.](http://rt.visionary-web.net) Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**6 February**

 _“You are cordially invited to the wedding of Petunia Evans and Vernon Dursley, 12 February, 16:00, in Virgin Mary’s Church, Little Whinging, Surrey. Please, bring a guest of your choice. The wedding reception will take place in the bride’s and groom’s new home, on No. 4 Privet Drive. Buffet and wedding cake will be served,”_ Lily read from the pink and white wedding invitation her owl Selene had arrived with that morning.

“That was kind of Petunia,” James said. “I didn’t think you were on the best of terms.”

“We aren’t,” Lily said dryly, and cleared her throat: _“PS. Lily, no funny business! Any partner you bring must be able to behave themselves, or you are not to come at all!”_

“That sounds more like her,” James chuckled ruefully.

“Do you think you can behave yourself?” Lily asked, putting her head on his shoulder with a small sigh. “Or do I have to ask Remus? I trust him to do that, but I doubt he would be such a great company, considering the mood he’s been in.” Remus and Buffy were still ignoring each other, not speaking or interacting at all, nor did they spend time with their friends very much, unless they absolutely had to.

“You’re inviting me?” James asked, sounding delighted.

“Well, you are my boyfriend,” Lily huffed, slapping his chest. “Of course I’m inviting you! So what do you say? Can you be a proper gentleman for one day?”

“I can act all stuffy and proper for several if you need me to,” James joked. “Don’t worry. I promise. No funny business.”

* * *

**10 February**

“Hi, Mandy!”

“Oh, hi, Buffy!” Mandy greeted, looking up from her homework. “What’s up?”

“Umm...actually, I was kind of wondering if you know where Sirius is?”

“I think he’s flying with James on the Quidditch Pitch, why?” Mandy asked. “And, are you alright? You’re looking a bit worn out.” She gave the Gryffindor a concerned look.

Buffy smiled weakly. “Oh, you know, I’m...still dealing with me and Remus.”

“What is up with that, by the way?” Mandy wondered. “You two have been avoiding each other for over a week! What was the row on Lily’s birthday about?”

“It’s...nothing,” Buffy dismissed it. “We’ll...get through it, somehow. Someway.”

“So...are you like, broken up?” Mandy bit her lip.

Buffy sighed. “I’m not really sure where Remus and I stand right now. ‘Cause, you know, we haven’t been talking. But, like I said, we’ll fix it. I think. Anyway, I just wanted to know where Sirius was. So, thanks!” She quickly hurried off, and Mandy got the feeling the blonde wanted nothing more than to escape her questions.

* * *

“Hey, Sirius!” Buffy waved from the ground, until Sirius noticed her and landed.

“Hey, Buff!” The oldest Black son greeted. “What can I do for you?”

Buffy noticed his smile was a bit stiffer than usual, not as sincere, and nowhere near the usual wide grin that was his trademark. The Slayer couldn’t help but think he was angry at her for something. “Actually, I was hoping you could teach me some stuff.”

Sirius let an eyebrow rise. “Yeah?”

“Yeah...I mean, I’ve heard you’re one of the best in DADA in our year, and what with the war going on, I just feel like I should be trying harder to learn quicker, you know?” Buffy babbled on. “More magic than we learn in class, like actual duelling – I kind of get the feeling the war’s not going to be over when we graduate, and I want to help, and to do that I need learn how to fight. And I know I’m the Slayer, but it’s not the same since the Death Eaters are, you know, _human beings_ – sort of – and fighting them and possibly even having to kill them is not nearly the same. And I’ve never used magic to fight before. So I sort of think I need to start being proactive, you know? Start dealing with the fact that I might have to kill a human being, and I think actually learning how to fight someone _alive_ is a step in accepting that. But you know, you don’t have to help me, I’m sure I can – “

“ – Buffy,” Sirius put his hand against her mouth, effectively stopping her long-winded speech. “You’re rambling.”

Buffy winced. “Sorry. So...will you help me?”

Sirius crossed his arms. “I don’t know...why don’t you ask Remus for help? You know, your _boyfriend?”_ He put special emphasis on the word ‘boyfriend.’

“Yeah...we’re...having some issues,” Buffy admitted. “And I was thinking of asking James, but he’s been all sorts of crazy since he got the invitation to Lily’s sister’s wedding.”

“Hmm... Normally, I wouldn’t even hesitate to help,” Sirius said. “But...whatever you’ve said to Remus...he’s not the same. I mean, he’s always been a little on the broody side – “

Buffy laughed weakly. “Yeah. It’s a thing. I like them broody,” she added, hoping Sirius would drop the subject of Remus and her.

“ – but this last week, he’s been downright depressed,” Sirius finished, giving Buffy a look telling her he wasn’t going to let it go. “And I can’t help but feel that’s your fault.”

Buffy’s shoulders slumped. “It’s no one’s fault,” she said tiredly. “We just found something out that’s throwing our relationship for a loop, and we needed some time apart to deal with that.”

“So...this phase where you two walk in the other direction when you see each other in the corridors, avoid talking to each other, and are generally unhappy...it’s just temporary?” Sirius clarified.

“I hope so,” Buffy divulged. “But...” She bit her lip. “I don’t know. For me, I think I just need some time to digest that destiny’s always going to jerk my chain – don’t ask,” she added when she saw Sirius’ curious look, “but I think after that, I’m going to be okay. In fact, I’m halfway there. I’d like to think that Remus just needs some time as well, and that after that, we’ll be back to normal. But I can only speak for myself.”

Sirius nodded slowly. “Alright...well, I have no idea what the thing between you is about, but...for what it’s worth; I hope you work it out. Remus has never been happier than when he’s with you,” he confessed. 

Buffy smiled. “Yeah...likewise, I think.” True, when she’d been with Angel, she’d been deliriously happy, but there had always been that shadow hanging over them, that knowledge in the back of her head that stubbornly persisted in saying ‘in the long run, it won’t work out.’ And it hadn’t, even though the ‘long run’ had ended up being a lot shorter than she expected. 

With Remus, it was different. She wasn’t the star-struck teenage girl anymore. She didn’t have any illusions of their relationship being more than it was, or that it was perfect – because it wasn’t. They had their fair share of troubles as this latest obstacle witnessed, but what relationship didn’t? 

With Angel, it had been too perfect, like nothing could go wrong – until it all went to Hell, and she didn’t know how to deal with it. She avoided all and any possible conflicts with him, because she didn’t want to take the chance that the illusion could end. And Angel let her. And when it did, after she’d been forced to kill him, she’d chosen to run away.

Remus didn’t let her run away, however. He didn’t back down from an opinion (even if the opinion sometimes was stupid, like being ashamed of being a werewolf, as Buffy had experienced in the beginning of their relationship), didn’t automatically let her have her way because he was afraid of hurting her feelings. Angel had sometimes been that way, treating her like something fragile, that could break at anytime, and she had let him. 

But Remus forced her to face their problems head on, to acknowledge they had them. And yes, it had lead to this: A confrontation, and then this... _pause_ in their relationship...but at least it was out in the open. There was no chance for it to remain hidden somewhere to fester, and as such, she only had two options – accept it and get over it, or, accept it and break it off. There was no chance of her living a lie by pretending the problem wasn’t there. Maybe it was forcing her to grow up.

“Anyway, back to the point,” Sirius interrupted her thoughts. “To answer your question, yes, I will help you. Room of Requirement, at seven?”

Buffy nodded. “That would be great. Thank you, Sirius.”

“Oi!” James voice came from above, and Sirius and Buffy looked up to see the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain doing loops in the air on his broom. “Padfoot! Are you coming back up, or have you become stuck down there?”

“I’ll see you later,” Buffy said, waving at the two, before heading inside, glad to be out of the cold (she still wasn’t quite able to get the hang of putting warming charms on herself – last time she’d tried, in an attempt to heat up her toes, she’d put her shoes on fire).

* * *

“Okay,” Sirius said, walking into the Room of Requirement, ten minutes past seven. “So I thought the first thing I would teach you is the proper duelling stance. Of course, in a battle, your opponent won’t even be thinking of the formal stuff, so I decided not to teach you that at all. It’s ridiculous anyway. So, I decided we’re going to have a mock-battle instead.”

“ _’Hi, Buffy! Nice to see you, sorry I’m late,’_ ” Buffy said with a wide smile, mimicking Sirius’ voice, and giving him a meaningful look.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, sorry. Are we going to do this, or what?”

Buffy grinned. “Alright. So, shoot.”

“On the count of three,” Sirius nodded, narrowing his eyes. “One – “ and he attacked, a red spell flying in Buffy’s direction. Buffy quickly ducked, only her Slayer reflexes saving her from being stunned, and she went into a forward roll, grabbed Sirius’ legs and brought him down to the floor, hard.

“YEOUCH!” Sirius yelled as his head connected with the floor, which, luckily, had been softened. 

“Sorry,” Buffy said unapologetically. “But you cheated.”

Standing up, Sirius glowered at her. “I did not! I was just, in a practical manner, pointing out that your opponent won’t wait for you to be ready, or give you a warning.”

“And, I repeat, you cheated, even if that was the point,” Buffy said smugly.

Sirius pouted, rubbing his head. “Anyway, what was the tackle for?”

Buffy shrugged. “You attacked me, I retaliated,” she explained, not seeing the problem.

Sirius sighed. “Right. Okay, correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t the point of you asking for my help to teach you fighting with magic? I can’t do that if you keep using your Slayer techniques! Nothing wrong with incorporating it in a real battle, in fact, it will probably give you an edge, but right here, right now, you’re resorting to what you already know, not what you need to learn. So no more gymnastics, unless it’s in a defensive move, like ducking, alright?”

Buffy gave him a guilty look. “Sorry. Habit. I didn’t really think.”

“No, you reacted, which is good,” Sirius said. “Don’t lose that. Just…put it away, for now. Fighting like a witch must become as natural to you as fighting like the Slayer is if you’re going to be even remotely successful in a magical battle. All you really have going for you right now is your reflexes. A spell can take you down from several feet away. The Death Eaters are not going to let you come close enough to take them down physically, once you lose the element of surprise of you being far from an ordinary girl.”

“I know. It’s just how I’ve been fighting for years, and it’s hard,” Buffy said. 

“Well, that’s why I’m here. Let’s try again. Only spells this time, alright? One…”

* * *

“Ever thought of becoming a teacher?” Buffy wondered as they exited the room two hours later, and Sirius gave her a horrified look.

“Merlin’s pants, no!”

Buffy laughed. “Just asking.”

Walking back to the common room in companionable silence, Buffy was able to let her thoughts wander. Unsurprisingly, they all surrounded a certain werewolf and their new bond. 

Like she’d told Sirius, she was halfway ready to accept it. And now, after unleashing some of her built up anger at the Powers that Be on Sirius (though he’d given as good as he got), she felt a lot more relaxed. The reason she’d been so upset was because she thought this was just another way of destiny coming knocking on her door, of the Powers screwing her over…but now when she’d thought about it for awhile, her newly discovered bond with Remus wasn’t a bad thing. It was her that was making it one. 

Dumbledore was right; she should see it as a blessing, not a curse. All her life, destiny had handed her one bad thing after another – being called as a Slayer had screwed her life up. But she’d learnt to accept it. And, it had probably made her a better person, she thought ruefully. She’d been so shallow before, selfish even.

This time, things were different. She’d already been together with Remus when she found out they were meant to be. It wasn’t like they had been bitter enemies and destiny had forced them together, nor had it forced them apart. 

Okay, so she still wasn’t sure if her feelings were hers or not – but she was happy. Had been happy before she knew, and all she had to do to be happy again was accept that she and Remus had a destiny together, and it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, in a way, it was a confirmation that she had nothing to worry about: She and Remus were going to work. They as a couple were going to work, if she just let it.

She’d loved Remus before, and she still loved him now, and avoiding him was only making her miserable: Making him miserable as well, apparently. So for once, she was going to stop being afraid of all the uncertainties still surrounding their newly found connection. For once, she was going to stop making up excuses – she deserved to be happy, damn it, and for once, she was going to grasp that happiness, come what may in the future. This was now.

Climbing into the portrait hole, Buffy saw Remus sitting in the Marauder’s corner, reading, and slowly, she made her way over. “Hi,” she said, feeling a lot more uncertain.

Remus slowly looked up, and Buffy noticed the dark circles beneath his eyes. “Hi.”

“So…I’ve been thinking about…you know,” Buffy said. “And…I’m…okay now, with everything. I’ve had time to take it all in, and I’ve accepted it. The bond. And I miss you. A lot. So…if you want to…if you’re ready…could we, like, maybe…get back together?” She wrung her hands nervously.

For a long moment, Remus just looked at her. He cleared his throat, standing up. “I’m not,” he said, voice slightly hoarse. “Ready, I mean.” He licked his lips nervously. “So…I guess my answer is…no. I’m sorry.” And he walked away, quickly disappearing up the stairs to the boy’s dormitory, leaving Buffy standing by his chair, half in shock. She angrily wiped away the tears she could feel gathering in the corners of her eyes.

“Oh.” She said to the now empty chair, head lowered. “So…I guess I’ll just…wait, then.”

* * *

**11 February**

Remus stared morosely around himself, where he was standing in the middle of the Quidditch Pitch which was filled with people. Everywhere stood tables, where mass amounts of colourful brochures and pamphlets rested. Behind them sat several witches and wizards, each representing an occupation in the wizarding world.

There were Healers, Aurors, shop-owners, broomstick-manufacturers, lawyers, curse-breakers, ward-designers, rune-masters and Unspeakables. There were potions-masters, journalists, spell-creators, secretaries, authors and researchers. The list went on and on – as far as Remus could tell, not a single occupation was left out.

_‘Except occupations for werewolves,’_ he thought bitterly to himself, eyeing the stand with Aurors with jealousy. Both James and Sirius were there, of course, talking animatedly with a pleased looking Frank Longbottom and Mad-Eye Moody, who was nodding along to something they said approvingly.

A few tables away stood Samantha, talking with a shop-owner, who seemed to be giving her advice. Behind Samantha, stood Peter, not really interested, but evidently not worried about his own lack of plans.

Buffy had slipped away from the group early on, a commotion by the Healers-stand capturing her attention – though Remus suspected that it had just been an excuse to get away from him – either way, she’d been there since, clearly having found her niche. 

Lily had been next, when McGonagall had walked up to her personally, telling the redhead that some people from the Ministry were interested in meeting her, in a mysterious tone of voice. Remus hadn’t seen the redhead even once since then.

Brooding, Remus put his hands in his pockets, wishing he could just leave. But McGonagall had told the students in Gryffindor they had to stay for at least a couple of hours, so she could be certain they were putting in an effort. Like ‘putting in an effort’ would help him. In the end, it wouldn’t matter if he got all O’s on his NEWTs. It wouldn’t matter if he made the people here interested in him and his abilities. As soon as they realised what he was, they’d run for the hills.

Grimacing, he began to walk, glancing at the stands he passed with uninterested eyes. There was Snape, involved in a heated debate with one of the potions-masters, Nick Vandom and Michaela Duncan, discussing something with one of the representatives from the Cleansweep-company involving the safety-mechanisms on their latest broomstick. Everyone in his year had found something that captured their interest. 

Everyone but him.

“Hello, there!” A jolly-looking wizard said from one of the stands, capturing Remus’ attention. “Are you interested in a career in the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures Department within the Ministry? You look like a capable looking fellow! Exactly what we need!”

Remus pursed his lips together, wanting nothing more than tell this guy to stick it, but found himself drifting over to the stand none the less. This was the Department that handled ‘people’ like him. Despite himself, Remus found himself curious about how it worked – he’d only seen the inside of it once – after he’d been bitten, to register.

“What’s your name, son?”

“Remus,” Remus said.

“Remus. That’s…an interesting name,” the Ministry worker said, grinning. “I’m Carl. Ever been interested in taking care of creatures like vampires and werewolves, Remus?”

Remus stiffened slightly. “That depends. What do you mean, ‘taking care of them?’”

“Make sure they’re not a danger to the rest of our society, of course! You know,” Carl said conspiratorially, “our job is really important. It’s up to us to protect the wizarding population from vampires and savage werewolf attacks.” He shuddered. “I’ve been at several such scenes. Not pretty, let me tell you.”

In his pockets, Remus was clenching his hands into fists, his nails piercing into his palms, making them bleed.

“Really,” he got out through gritted teeth, and Carl nodded sadly.

“Indeed. But thanks to our werewolf capture unit, we’ve got things under control. It’s getting more difficult, of course, what with You-Know-Who recruiting them, but what’s a little danger in the name of peace, huh?”

Remus forced up a fake smile, inwardly screaming with rage and pain.

“Thanks to the werewolf registry, we’ve got the names of each and everyone of them,” Carl stated proudly. “We keep an eye on the things from the moment they are bitten, so you can sleep safe at night.” He winked. 

“And we’ve got people working on a new legislation, to allow us put some sort of tracking device or identity mark on them, so the people will know when they’re in danger. After all, they look just like us,” he said grimly. 

“One of your classmates could be one, and you would never know, until it strikes. Here, take a few pamphlets.” Carl thrust a pile of brochures against Remus’ chest, and Remus took them reluctantly, trying not to puke when he saw the moving front picture: A bleeding, muzzled werewolf in silver chains, surrounded by fierce looking wizards shooting curses at it.

“I hope to see you in our department!” Carl yelled after him, waving as Remus hurried away from the stand, trying to look as though he wasn’t running. The moment he thought he was out of sight, he set off into a sprint, rushing off the Quidditch Pitch, the two hour minimum requirement be damned.

He just had to get away.

He didn’t stop until he reached his dorm-room, where he sank down on the floor against the door, ripping the pamphlets into tiny little pieces, which he then set fire to with his wand, ignoring the smoke and flames which spread across the room thanks to the soft rug on the floor. He just sat there, feeling a strange sense of satisfaction from his burning surroundings. 

Only when his eyes teared up, and the fire threatened to burn up the furniture, did he shoot out a wide spray of water with his wand, putting it out. Coughing slightly from the smoke, he opened all the windows, and sank down on his now charred bed, staring at his slightly shaking palms.

When that Ministry Wizard, Carl, had began with his werewolf propaganda, Remus had wanted nothing more than to beat him into a bloody pulp, while yelling that he had no idea what he was talking about.

What use was the werewolf registry, when only the honest and ‘peaceful’ werewolves bothered to register? Remus was willing to bet the only dangerous werewolf they had on it was Fenrir Greyback, and only through his sheer reputation.

What use would ‘tracking devices’ and other such identity marks be, when the only ones who’d allowed themselves be treated and ‘stained’ in that way, would be werewolves like him, lycans who wanted to be human? The truly dangerous ones would still be roaming free…

“Oi, Remus!” The door slammed open and a grinning Sirius Black and James Potter stepped inside. “Where did you disappear off to so quickly? You’re lucky Professor McG didn’t notice! Hey…” Sirius sniffed into the air. “What’s that smell…?”

James stared in shock at the charred furniture and the rug, of which nothing but ashes remained. “What happened in here?” He exclaimed. “Moony?”

“Don’t call me that!” Remus heard himself snap, and he gave James a look of horror. “I-I didn’t mean that, Prongs, I’m sorry,” he mumbled, and to his embarrassment, he found his eyes tearing up again, from another reason than smoke this time.

“Hey, Remus, it’s alright,” James said, walking across the burnt room and sitting down on the bed, wrapping an arm around his friend. “Don’t worry. Did something happen at the Fair? Something that upset you? Tell us. Come on. We’re your friends.” He gave Sirius a helpless look as Remus only shook his head, refusing to meet their eyes.

Sirius walked over, sitting down on Remus’ other side. “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk,” he said, slapping his back. “And don’t worry about the burned furniture and rug. The rug was ugly, anyway, and I think the charred wood gives this room some character it desperately lacks,” he said, trying to cheer him up.

Remus tried to laugh, but only choked slightly on tears that refused to fall. “I-I just realised that I have no hope of a real future,” he said, slightly hysterically. “I already knew, of course, but the Fair made it real in a way it didn’t use to be. Every step towards graduation I take, the closer I get to a life as an outcast. People…creatures like me – whatever it is I’m supposed to be – we don’t belong in ‘normal’ society.”

Sirius and James shared a bleak look. “It was that guy at the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures table, wasn’t it?” James said knowingly. “We saw he was talking to you. If we’d known he was upsetting you, we would have interrupted and dragged you away from there – “

“ – It doesn’t matter!” Remus exclaimed, eyes flashing. “It doesn’t matter if he upset me or not! I know I shouldn’t care, but I do, because everyone else does! I won’t be able to get a job, ever! I’ll have to rely on my friends and my parents until I’m old and grey, and I don’t want that! I don’t have any outlooks whatsoever. I’m doomed. I was doomed from the moment I was bitten, and truth is, you know it. You just want to pretend it isn’t true, because it’s easier that way.”

To that, James and Sirius had no answer, so they did the only thing they could do. They hugged him, knowing that sometimes, actions were the only thing that helped, that sometimes, the only thing that really meant something where unspoken agreements of loyalty between friends who would be friends until the end of days.

* * *

**12 February**

“Do I look alright?” James asked anxiously, as he nervously tried to flatten his hair – a lost cause before he had even begun.

“You look fine,” Lily soothed, straightening his tie before wrapping an arm around his. “Don’t worry.”

James grimaced, squirming slightly on the spot. “These muggle suits are really tight,” he hissed. “Are you sure I’ve got it put on right? I can barely feel my - eh…never mind,” he blushed.

Lily bit her lower lip, doing her best not giggle at her boyfriend. It was nice, to see this other side of James, with his mask and all pretences dropped, when he was just as inwardly uncomfortable and uncertain of himself and how to act, as every other ‘normal’ human being. 

Of course, she didn’t mind the cocky, sarcastic and slightly big-headed side of him either, but this deeper side of him certainly didn’t hurt. She would never have fallen for him otherwise. “I can’t find anything wrong with it,” she comforted, leading him into the white muggle church, nodding to some neighbours and childhood friends as she passed them. “You look very…posh.”

James snorted, fighting the instinct to lower his head bashfully when some of the guests in the church benches turned to stare at him. He was so out of his element in the muggle world… Taking a deep breath, he straightened up and turned a bright smiles and nods to the onlookers, falling back into his role as an upper-class noble with ease.

Really, this was only another social gathering in a way, James thought. He had an image to uphold, after all, even here, away from the Wizarding World. This was just like the many political meetings, parties and arrangements he’d attended with his parents through the years, where he had to make sure to act the way a pure-blood of his standing was expected to. Everything was a game.

If there was one thing that James did well, it was to ‘play the game’ around people of the same or higher rank as himself. This was something he had had to learn from the very moment he was old enough to understand. He was a Potter, and as a Potter he had to present himself to others.

Every slip-up would be noted and discussed behind the scenes, even here. His actions would reflect upon his family, good and bad, and James knew he couldn’t afford show any weaknesses or other mistakes. He was in the company of Lily’s friends and relatives, and since James hoped to one day make Lily his wife (something he’d planned since the first time he asked her out and she turned him down), he better make a good impression. 

He led Lily into an empty row, letting her sit down first. Lily waved enthusiastically at some people she saw, and James began a conversation with the man in the row behind theirs. First impressions were everything. 

After awhile, the conversation died down and James turned his attention back to Lily, making sure to squeeze her hand and give her a small smile. This earned him a confused look from Lily, which he ignored. He was aware of the eyes following his every move, assessing him, since he was here as Lily’s date, an unknown entity, and people would judge him thereafter. 

If there was something Lily had been sure to warn him of, it was that Petunia and her friends and neighbours were all very judgemental people, overly concerned with what was ‘normal’ and proper behaviour. He had promised Lily, and himself, to give her no reason to be ashamed of him. Lily – and everyone else, for that matter - would have nothing to complain about when this day was over, that was for sure.

* * *

Lily sat stiffly in her bench, fighting her need to yawn. Would the ceremony never end? She glanced furtively at James, who seemed to have no trouble sitting still, hands clasped in his lap, eyes fixated on the priest, Petunia and Vernon. How did he do it?

Lily had been sure she would have to be the one to stop James from fidgeting, but instead, it was taking her all of her concentration to not do it herself, while he, on the other hand, seemed to have no problem paying attention. It was a pleasant surprise, Lily had to admit, but at the same time, really annoying! She had thought she had James Potter all figured out by now, but he was still an enigma in many ways. 

“…I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Finally, her sister and Vernon Dursley engaged in a very mushy, passionate kiss, hoping no one noticed her sigh of relief. Unfortunately, James did, but he only gave her a knowing look out of the corner of his eyes, making Lily blush. 

“It is now my privilege to introduce to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Vernon Dursley!”

They exited the warm church and stood on the gravel covered ground among the rest of the guests. Lily spied her parents a bit to the side of the stairs, upon which Petunia and Vernon stood posing for the camera. They were quite a (horrendous) sight.

“You’re much prettier than the bride,” James whispered, as though he knew what she was thinking. He wrapped an arm around Lily’s waist and she blushed, not really able to dispute his statement, even though she wished she could. 

Petunia was wearing a wedding dress in several layers and a low neckline, something that didn’t complement her looks well at all. It was clear the dress had been chosen because of its price-tag, and not because of how it would look on the bride. 

She felt bad for Petunia, sometimes. Lily could sympathise with how she felt, with a sister who constantly seemed to overshadow her in everything. That didn’t mean she could understand or easily forgive the way her sister acted most of the time, not only towards her, but even their parents. 

Would Petunia ever learn that the road to her own happiness was not about striving to be perfect, but about doing her best in every moment, and being proud and content over what she had and not focus on what she didn’t? 

Lily let out a small sigh, putting her head on his shoulder, breathing in the cool February air. “Glad it’s over?” James asked quietly, an amused note in his voice.

“Oh, shut up,” Lily mumbled, knowing none of the other visitors were going to be able to distinguish their conversation in the noise they were making, so she found it safe to bad-mouth the wedding all she wanted. “It must have been the most boring ceremony I’ve ever been to,” she admitted. “I wasn’t expecting much, I suppose, but it was dreadful. It just dragged on and on… I don’t understand how you could act so…indifferent! Tell me your secret,” Lily demanded to know with a wide grin on her face.

James chuckled, placing a kiss on her hair. “I was just as bored as you were, I can assure you. But I promised to behave myself, didn’t I? Besides,” he added, “you wouldn’t believe how many boring Ministry functions and other gatherings I’ve had to attend in the name of being the Potter heir. I’ve gotten used to it.” 

The crowd suddenly quieted down, and an air of anticipation fell over the assembled, everyone holding their breath, as Petunia turned her back to her guests and got ready to throw the bouquet. Lily rolled her eyes when she saw practically every woman who wasn't married begin to push others away and wave their arms desperately, as they waited for the flowers to be thrown.

“Want to skip the reception?” She asked James, turning away from the pitiable scene, not completely serious, but not joking either. 

Shouts and gasps went through the assembled, and Lily turned back around, assuming the flowers had a new owner, only to get her arms filled with a large bouquet that smelled way too much. Stunned, she could do nothing but gawk and splutter. “But…but! I wasn’t…I didn’t want…” She gave James a helpless look, but her boyfriend could only shrug, an expression of amused pleasure mixed with dread on his face.

“It’s just a myth, don’t worry about it,” he said half-heartedly, patting her shoulder. Lily groaned, turning to look at her family. Her father was openly laughing, though he was also giving James an appraising look. Her mother was holding a hand against her mouth to hide her own mirth, a strange glint in her eyes. 

Petunia on the other hand, was giving Lily the evil eye for several seconds, before she quickly forced a smile on her face, nodding to her sister, all in the matter of making a good, ‘normal’ impression. It wouldn’t do to let everyone be aware of the ‘rift’ in the Evans family, after all.

* * *

“Blimey,” James muttered to Lily as they entered number four, Privet drive, among the first guests to get there.

“What?” Lily asked, startled.

“The portraits…they’re not moving,” James stated. 

Lily giggled. “What did you expect? It is a muggle household, after all. Don’t you take muggle studies?”

“Yes, but it’s one thing to read about it, another to actually see it! It’s weird!” 

Lily laughed out loud. “You get used to it. I thought the same thing about moving portraits when I came to Hogwarts for the first time.”

“I guess,” James said, though he still looked doubtful, looking around the house some more. “It’s very…clean,” he said, and Lily grinned.

“Lily! I’m so glad you made it!” Marie Evans, Lily’s mother, exclaimed, coming out of the small kitchen. “And you are…?”

“James Potter at your service, ma’am,” James said, making a slight bow and placing a kiss on Marie’s knuckles. “I can definitely see from were Lily gets her good looks.”

Marie raised a slight eyebrow. “So _you’re_ the infamous James Potter I’ve heard so much about?”

James wasn’t completely able to hide his pleasure over the fact that Lily had talked about him, and Mrs. Evans’ lips twitched in amusement.

She turned to Lily. “I can see how your first impression was that of an egotistical, thick-headed toe-rag,” she said calmly, making James lose his composure and he began to splutter indignantly.

“Yes, well, I’ve come to realise it’s all part of his charm,” Lily deadpanned.

“Indeed,” her mother answered, glancing at James. “Am I right to assume James is here as your boyfriend? When did that happen?”

“Shortly after my visit home,” Lily said. “I’m sorry for my outburst, by the way – “

Her mother waved her apology away. “Don’t worry about it. It was completely understandable. So,” her eyes glinted mischievously, “am I to expect another wedding soon?” 

“Eh – “ Lily flushed. “No. I didn’t mean to capture that bouquet you know.”

“Of course you didn’t,” her mother said, smiling, her voice betraying the fact she didn’t buy it for a second.

“Mum!”

“James?” Mrs. Evans asked, “what do you think? Is she lying?”

“I wouldn’t know,” James said smoothly. “I’ve learned not to assume anything when it comes to Lily. It tends to end in throbbing pain.”

Lily looked positively mortified, and even more so when a gaggle of girls, all of whom Lily had gone to school with before Hogwarts, entered and immediately started babbling wildly, making Lily rather flustered as she tried to follow the quick sentences thrown in her direction, an impossible feat:

“Oh. My God! _Lily Evans!_ It certainly wasn’t yesterday!”

“The wedding – wasn’t it just _dreamy?_ I’m so jealous!” 

“Speaking of weddings – you little minx! You caught the bouquet!“

“Not to mention that _gorgeous_ fellow you brought with you!” 

“Tell us _everything!”_

Lily threw a helpless look over her shoulder as she was dragged away. ‘Save me,’ her eyes screamed, but James pretended not to notice and only waved at her cheekily in goodbye.

* * *

Dinner finally arrived, and Lily slumped down in her seat beside James, having finally escaped the giggling, as her seat was by the honour table, reserved for the closest family and friends. The cake had been cut, and a first toast had been made. Now came the dinner, and of course, the mandatory small-talk that could go in dangerous directions if she – and James, especially, since he wasn’t used to mingling with muggles – weren’t careful.

“Finally escaped?” James asked, giving her an amused look.

“You could have helped me out you know,” Lily muttered, not really angry, but pouting a little anyway.

A large walrus of a man – Vernon’s father – laughed uproariously, taking Lily’s pout the wrong way. “Women!” He rumbled. “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them! Right son?” He clapped Vernon’s back.

“Some of them, yes,” Vernon said rather nervously, steadily avoiding Lily’s eye, clearly not yet over the ‘incident’ last time he’d been in the redhead’s company. “I’m so glad my Pet isn’t the same way. I am so lucky to have her.” 

Lily was surprised. Apart from the awful nickname, what he’d just said had been rather diplomatic. Of course, her temporary good impression of the man was quickly ruined by the soppy looks the bride and groom exchanged.

“Oh, _Vernon!”_

“Personally,” James said, expertly weaving his way into the conversation, “I am of the opinion that women are generally _more_ intelligent than men a lot of the time.”

This earned him bright looks from every female on the table of course, while the men looked more disapproving and rather offended. Of course, they couldn’t openly disagree with him, unless they wanted to face the wrath of their wives. Even Petunia looked fairly impressed.

“I don’t think we’ve met,” one of the women said, Petunia’s maid-of-honour, fluffing up her hair, and straightening in her seat. “I’m Carole. Carole West.”

“Miss West, it is a pleasure to meet you,” James said, inclining his head. “I’m James Potter.”

“So, what makes you think women are smarter than men?” Carole asked, eyes bright.

“History and experience,” James said. “After all, is there not a saying which states that ‘behind every successful man there is a woman?’ And though I am the second in my year, Lily holds the top-spot. I can’t seem to keep up with her, and really, I have no reason to be bothered by that fact. I am proud to have a girlfriend who is both beautiful and intelligent.” He gave Lily a loving look. 

He had already learned how the ‘game’ was played in these circles, from listening to the conversations flowing from the guests as they waited for the bride and groom to arrive: Flattery, personal success, subtle bragging, and open displays of affection. It was almost too easy.

“Second in your year? That is impressive. What do you hope to become when you graduate, James,” Mr. Evans asked, changing the conversation to that of subtle digging for information on his youngest daughter’s boyfriend. 

“I hope to get accepted into the please force,” James said, unhesitant, clearly ready for this interrogation. Inwardly, Lily winced, hoping no one had noticed James mispronouncing the word _police._

“I have many friends and acquaintances in law-enforcement and their work has always fascinated me. Protecting other people is something we should all try to do; in whatever way we are able.” James voice was filled with passion and enthusiasm, and to everyone listening, it was obvious this was something he felt strongly for. It wasn’t just something he was saying to sound good, and Lily could see the approval in her father’s eyes.

“But isn’t such a career terribly dangerous?” Carole gasped.

“I suppose, but in this case, I feel the good far outweighs the risks,” James answered sincerely. “I actually had the pleasure of speaking with a high-ranking official within the anti-terrorist branch of the government,” James continued. “And that made me even more certain that this is the road I’m supposed to take.” He made a theatrical pause before continuing: “Have you ever felt as though there is something you just have to do, like it’s something meant for you and you alone? That’s the way I feel about becoming a please.”

The table was utterly silent for several seconds, before finally, someone, Lily couldn’t tell who, began to nod, and soon, everyone was agreeing loudly, the girls congratulating Lily on such a perfect choice of a boyfriend, and the men now actively including James in their conversations when the subjects changed again, first to the rising crime in their country, then, (somehow) to the importance of drills. 

James managed to sound very knowledgeable and diplomatic in every area, and soon, he had, with his charm and with the ease he moved through the different discussions, managed to get the entire table to joke around and speak to each other as though everyone had known each other for ages, and also getting Lily, and by extension, the other girls, to join in the conversation so no one felt left out.

Lily felt the last of her tension disappear. James was performing above expectations, and was clearly able to handle himself. What had she been worried about? The only ones who didn’t look very impressed were Petunia, Vernon and his side of the family, mainly because James was stealing the spotlight. 

Luckily, they were unable to say anything spiteful, since it was their wedding, and they would never dare cause a scene at such a large gathering as this. Instead, they had to try and move attention to themselves through the conversations, not managing even half as well as James did. Instead, they only managed to sound rather ignorant, and finally opted to keep their mouths shut completely. All in all, it was a lovely dinner.

“That’s one hell of boy you’ve got yourself there, darling,” her mother whispered conspiratorially. “Don’t let him go for the world.”

“I’m not planning on it,” Lily mumbled, smiling, as she glanced at James, whose current laughter somehow managed to sound heartfelt, even though the joke coming from another of the bridesmaids hadn’t been very funny at all. 

When James and Lily apparated to Hogsmeade much later that evening, Lily pulled him into a deep kiss that left them both gasping. “An outstanding performance,” she breathed, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Thank you,” James mumbled. “Can we hurry up and walk back to Hogwarts now?” He begged. “I really need to get out of this suit. It’s killing me!”

Lily’s laughter could be heard miles away.

* * *

**Published:** 13/02 -15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Henry Cavill as James Potter.


	24. Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in Roads Travelled. Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**14 February**

When Buffy entered the Great Hall for breakfast, she almost turned around in the doorway to return to her dorm. Pink confetti was spread over the tablecloths, and several heart shaped lamps were hanging from the ceiling. As if that wasn’t enough, wherever she looked, she saw a mushy couple, sighing, giggling and making eyes at each other.

Taking a deep breath, she stalked over to the Gryffindor table, sitting down across from Remus. “Good morning,” she forced out in a failing attempt at being cheerful.

To her surprise, Remus returned her greeting. “Good morning,” he said, smiling, and Buffy felt her stomach make a strange flip-flop. Suddenly, she was in a better mood and she returned his smile hesitantly, her body growing warm. Was this progress? 

Had Remus managed to swallow the new information regarding their relationship? Would things return to normal soon? If that were the case, Buffy would gladly put up with this God-forsaken holiday. 

“Wow!” Sirius, sitting beside Remus, mock-exclaimed, and clutched his heart theatrically. “You’re talking!”

Buffy stuck out her tongue, as James, on Sirius’ other side, snickered.

“Do you have anything special planned for Lily, today, James?” Remus asked, ignoring Sirius’ input.

James shrugged. “Not really,” he admitted. “I have a stuffed doe I plan on giving her, but other than that, not much. I mean, Lily isn’t really into Valentine's Day, is she?”

“Have you asked?” Buffy wondered, eyes glittering.

“Well, no, but…she’s _Lily,”_ James said, as though that explained everything, which it probably did. “As long as I let her know that I know what day it is, and pay her some extra attention, she should be fine. Besides, she’s still on a high from my exemplary behaviour during her sister’s wedding.” He looked slightly smug.

“Well, our pure-blood upraising must be good for something, I suppose,” Sirius chuckled, exchanging a high five with his best friend, just as Mandy entered the Hall. Standing up, Sirius pulled out his wand, waving it in her direction. A loud sound filled the room as a cracker exploded above her head, and showered her in pink roses. Fat cherubs began to fly around Mandy’s body, singing cheesy declarations of love, and shooting arrows that faded into nothing when they hit her body.

Raising an eyebrow at a beaming Sirius, Mandy shook her head in exasperation, but she couldn’t stop the smile breaking out across her face as she walked towards the Ravenclaw table, blowing Sirius a kiss on the way.

Sirius leaned backwards in his chair, putting his hands behind his head with a superior grin. “And that,” he said, “is how you woo a girl.”

Lily, who had entered the Hall behind Mandy, reached the Gryffindor table, just catching Sirius statement. “How does Mandy put up with him?” the redhead hissed, sitting down beside James, who kissed her gently, wandlessly conjuring up a dark red rose which he handed to her. “Aww, thanks!”

James winked, and reached down into his schoolbag, pulling out a soft and cuddly-looking stuffed doe, sitting in a basket with a red bow tied around its neck. “This is for you, my other half,” he said, grinning widely. Lily melted at the sight of it, and overwhelmed him with kisses.

Buffy snickered, trying to ignore the sting of pain she felt over the fact that she knew she wouldn’t get any special attention from her boyfriend this Valentine's Day, considering the current state of their relationship. She would have to survive on the fact that they had at least moved past their not-speaking/not-acknowledging phase. “For the same reason you put up with James, I expect,” she answered. “You’re all so in love you can’t see straight.”

* * *

“Sirius, where are you?” Mandy asked impatiently as she walked outside later that day, finally coming to a stop at the bottom at the Astronomy tower. “I’m getting rather tired of this!”

It had begun after dinner. When she returned to her dorm, she’d found a pink envelope on her bed, with a note telling her to go to the kitchens. In the kitchens, she’d been handed another note by a house-elf, on which it said she should head to the broom-shed, where she found yet another note.

And so, it had continued, new pink envelopes meeting her at every place she headed to: The supply-closet outside Filch’s office, the dungeons, beneath the Headmaster’s plate at dinner (that had been embarrassing), Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom, tied to the tail of Hagrid’s large puppy-dog, Fang, and so on. It had started out rather romantic, a fun game of sorts, but now, it was getting a bit old, not to mention tiring. 

“If this is another prank, it’s not very tasteful, considering the date. Plus, it’s freezing cold!” She felt rather silly, talking to herself, but she assumed Sirius was around somewhere, probably laughing at her. Looking around for the now familiar pink envelope, she almost fell on her arse when suddenly, a long rope-ladder fell down from above, a note tied to the bottom.

 _CLIMB UP,_ it said in large letters. Rolling her eyes, Mandy began the long climb up the ladder. “This better be the last part of this game,” she muttered to herself. Finally reaching the Astronomy Tower window, she felt herself being dragged across the window sill, and was faced with a beaming Sirius.

“Did you like the game?” Without waiting for an answer, he pulled out a black silk scarf and tied it around her eyes. “I knew you would! I came up with it myself! Anyway, sit down!”

Mandy let out an “oomph!” as she was pushed down onto soft cushions. “Sirius! What is going on?”

“Don’t worry. It’s all part of the game,” Sirius assured her. “Open up!”

“What?” Mandy said, utterly bewildered as to what he was doing, and not really reassured at all.

“Open your mouth. Say ‘ahh!’” Sirius ordered. 

“I’m not a kid!” Mandy muttered, but did as she was told, and immediately felt something cold enter her mouth.

“Now, tell me what it is!” Sirius said, and Mandy could feel him bouncing up and down.

“Vanilla ice-cream?” Mandy guessed, intrigued despite her reluctance (which was slowly fading) to be a part of Sirius’ Valentine’s game any longer than absolutely necessary. 

“Correct! And this?”

Mandy felt something else enter her mouth. “Chocolate.”

“Wow, you’re really good at this game!” Sirius said, and Mandy’s lips twitched. “You’ll never guess what this is?”

This time, her taste-buds were met with something sticky and soft. “Uhh…I’m not sure…” she licked her lips. “A marshmallow?”

“Correct again! I’m totally amazed! Ten points to Gryff – I mean, Ravenclaw.” Sirius sounded rather sheepish. “We’ve only got two things left.”

When the next treat entered her mouth, Mandy knew immediately what it was, not even needing to think. “Strawberries,” she muttered, rolling her eyes in bliss beneath the blind-fold.

“And this…?” Sirius didn’t sound as enthusiastic any longer, more seductive and Mandy could feel his hot breath on her face as she leaned in, and gave her a long slow kiss, his tongue entering her mouth, twirling around her own.

Mandy let out a moan of appreciation, wrapping her arms around Sirius’ neck and pulling him down on top of her. “You…” She whispered huskily, just as she felt the blindfold being taken off.

“So…how did you like my game?” Sirius said.

“Hmm…’Exceeds Expectations,’ I do believe, Mr. Black,” Mandy said, tapping her fingers against her cheek in thought. “It would have been an ‘Outstanding,’ but I think the ‘treasure-hunt’ was a little bit too long, though the food-race to the finish line was very much appreciated.” She licked her lips and Sirius chuckled.

“I aim to please.”

“In fact,” Mandy continued, finally coming to a decision that had plagued her for quite some time now, “I think you deserve a reward.” Rising to her feet, she began to unbutton her blouse, feeling very exposed all of sudden, but determined to continue, even more so when she saw Sirius’ reaction. His eyes had bulged out and he was breathing heavily through his nose.

“What…what are you doing?” He breathed out hoarsely, utterly confused.

“I was going to wait, you know,” Mandy whispered. “Until you broke down and asked me about…moving things to the next level. Haven’t you noticed the hints I’ve been dropping?” She let her blouse fall to the floor and pulled down her skirt.

“Well, yeah,” Sirius muttered, remembering Mandy’s Christmas gift, and several other situations lately that had ended with Sirius in desperate need of a cold shower and Mandy walking away, grinning and winking. “But I figured you were just enjoying making me go crazy.”

“And I did,” Mandy agreed. “But as fun as playing the game has been, I’m getting a little tired of it. I want you, Sirius,” she breathed out, pulling off his t-shirt. “I’ve been ready for a long time.” Her eyes glimmered in the darkness.

Sirius looked as though he was about to have an aneurism as Mandy unbuttoned his trousers, leaving Sirius standing in only his underwear. “You’re not kidding, are you?” He asked weakly, his entire body throbbing with need.

Mandy placed a soft kiss on his lips, her eyes filled with undisguised amusement. “No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.” 

Sirius smiled, then, and he slowly unclasped her bra. “I think I love you, Mandy Walker,” he mumbled in her ear as he took her in. “I mean, I’m not sure,” he rambled on between placing kisses on her lips, neck and collarbone. “Because I’ve never been in love. But I’m pretty sure I am. I mean - ”

“Sirius,” Mandy interrupted, placing her fingers against his mouth, silencing him, her lips twitching as she pressed her now naked body closer to his. “Shut up.”

* * *

The clearing of a throat made Buffy look up in surprise and came face to face with a nervous looking Remus Lupin. “So…I’ve had a lot of reason to feel sorry for myself, lately,” the werewolf began, to Buffy’s confusion. “What with the Work Fair and my lack of prospects, our argument, and the new development in our relationship. To be honest, my life sucks a lot of the time,” Remus continued. “But you’re one of the things that make it suck a little less.”

“Oh,” was the only thing Buffy could say, not really sure where this conversation was going.

“Yeah,” Remus said. “So I realised that it would be kind of stupid to push you away, like I have been doing, lately. I’m sorry. That doesn’t change the fact that this whole ‘mated’ thing is really disconcerting,” he added, without giving Buffy a chance to reply. “But I’ve had a lot of time to think. And the main reason the…bond between us made me uncomfortable was because it made me have doubts about why I love you. So,” clearing his throat nervously, he pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket, “I made a list. _Why I love Buffy Summers,”_ he read.

_“One: She kicks arse. Two: She makes me feel alive. Three: She loves me even when I’m stupid. Four: The fact that I’m a werewolf doesn’t scare or bother her. Five: She completes me. Six: She makes me feel safe. Seven: She makes me believe the impossible. Eight: She’s beautiful. Nine: She understands my darkness. Ten: Her smile can light up a room…”_

The list went on and on and Buffy could only sit and listen, completely blown away and unable to speak, moved to tears by Remus’ declaration.

 _“...Twenty-five: I just do,”_ Remus finished, refusing to meet Buffy’s eyes, which were overflowing with tears, a wide smile 

“I know now that what I feel for you isn’t just because of fate, even if it might have had a hand in bringing us together,” Remus said quietly. “I love you for all these reasons, but what I’ve realised is that in the end, all that matters is the what, and not the why. As long as we are truly happy together, why over think it, when it only makes us miserable? I love you, Buffy Anne Summers, and I can’t stop. And I don’t want to.”

* * *

**15 February**

“It finally happened!” Sirius exclaimed jubilantly, throwing himself on his bed.

“That’s great,” James said, disinterested. “What did?”

“Mandy and I! We took our relationship to the next level, so to speak.” 

Remus groaned, pulling his pillow over his head. “Sirius! We really don’t need the details!”

“It was heavenly!” Sirius sighed dreamily, ignoring the gagging noises coming from the direction of the other Marauders. “I mean, I already knew I was good, but with Mandy, I was incredible!”

“Your ego never ceases to amaze me,” Remus muttered, wishing he was anywhere but here.

“I know!” Sirius beamed. “It’s eternal! Anyway, where’s Wormtail? I must share my bliss with _all_ the Marauders.”

“That will have to wait,” James said, sitting up and closing his Quidditch magazine. “He’s with Samantha. Peter forgot Valentine’s Day, and is spending the day making up for it.”

Sirius winced in sympathy. As cool as their respective others were, they were still girls, and forgetting days – whether it was Valentine's Day, birthdays, anniversaries or dates – was an almost unforgivable sin. “How? The school was covered in decorations!”

“If you haven’t noticed, Peter can be incredibly observant, and yet incredibly dense,” James answered, smirking slightly.

* * *

“Poor Samantha,” Lily said. “I mean, I had a wonderful Valentine’s Day – I didn’t expect much from James, and he didn’t do all that much – which I actually appreciate – but at least he didn’t forget.”

“I had a good Valentine’s day too,” Buffy revealed, to the girls’ surprise. “Remus and I made up.”

“Really? That’s great!”

“Yeah, it was really sweet actually. He’d made a list about why he loves me,” Buffy said, grinning stupidly and Mandy and Lily sighed in unison.

“What about you, Mandy?” Lily asked. “I know Sirius had you running all over the school on that ‘treasure hunt’ – did it have a point or was he just messing with you?”

“Oh, it had a point, alright,” Mandy said goofily. “It ended in the Astronomy tower, and we made love on the cushions.”

“WHAT?!” Two voices screeched in unison. “Really?”

“Spill!” Buffy demanded. “Details! Well…not all of them,” she hastily corrected herself. “But some! Please!”

“Why should she?” Lily scoffed. “You didn’t tell us anything about you and Remus. You only said _‘me and Remus had sex over New Years,’_ and then you left us hanging!”

“I don’t kiss and tell!” Buffy exclaimed. “And besides,” she pointed out rather smugly, “you want to know how the ‘great Sirius Black’ handled himself just as badly as I do.”

Lily grumbled, knowing Buffy was right.

“Let’s just say that all rumours about Sirius Black and his ability in bed…are completely true,” Mandy said, smirking.

Lily sighed. “I wonder what it’s like…” She immediately shut her mouth, blushing as she realised what she’d just said. 

“Oh, my, Lily!” Buffy exclaimed, wolf-whistling. “I had no idea you had such a dirty mind!”

“Oh, it’s dirty, alright,” Lily muttered. “And getting dirtier. I’m falling in love with James more and more with every day that passes, and I had more than expected him to at least say _something_ about it by now. I mean, he’s _James Potter!_ But he hasn’t even mentioned sex once!” Lily said, rather despairingly. “Is there something wrong with me? Does he not find me attractive?”

As one, both Mandy and Buffy burst out laughing, and Lily gave them a rather wounded look. “Lily, I definitely wouldn’t worry about that,” Buffy chuckled. “One, you’re naturally gorgeous. And two, have you not seen how James looks at you? It’s like you’re his world.”

“Seriously?” Lily wondered. “I mean, I know he likes me, and has had a crush on me for forever…but _his world?_ Isn’t that a little exaggerated?” She said, biting her lip.

Mandy snorted. “I’d say it’s the complete opposite, Lily. He adores you. If I were to guess, I think James’ problem is the same as Sirius’. He wants to be sure you’re ready, and not push you into anything you might regret.”

“Sirius had that problem?” Lily asked in disbelief. “Sirius Black? No offense to him, or anything, but I didn’t think he could be that sensitive.”

“Believe me, he’s a lot softer than he looks,” Mandy said. “I have a feeling both you and I tend to be rather prejudiced against our boyfriends, as much as I hate to admit it. At least I’ve learned my lesson when it comes to Sirius, I think - he’s a lot deeper than we give him credit for.”

* * *

“…And she did this thing with her tongue that no one has _ever_ done to me before,” Sirius raved, waggling his eyebrows suggestively and Remus and James threw each other despairing looks.

“Sirius,” Remus begged. “Please, shut up, before I off myself.”

“You’re just jealous!” Sirius sniffed haughtily. “I mean, I know how Prongs is saving himself for a wedding night which will probably never happen – I’m still waiting for Lily to dump your sorry arse and hook up with someone less pathetic – “ 

James stuck out his tongue, though he was inwardly smiling, knowing Sirius was only kidding, the way friends do. Sirius knew James’ stance on sex as something sacred, which should only take place after marriage. And he was completely okay with it, even somewhat admiring James for it, though he still thought he was sort of nuts. 

Of course, not many people knew about James view on the subject, considering how loudly, and easily, he spoke of it with Sirius and when flirting. Even fewer knew that James was a virgin, and had been saving himself for Lily since he first found out what the term ‘making love’ meant. In fact, the number of people who knew could be counted on one hand: Sirius, Remus, and himself. He hadn’t even told Peter.

“ – But you’re not, as far as I know, and you have no excuse,” Sirius told Remus.

“Actually,” Remus blushed. “Buffy and I did it over Christmas.”

Two jaws dropped. “NO WAY!”

“How could you not tell us?” Sirius whined. “Moony, you wound me, really!”

“It’s not like it’s any of your business,” Remus muttered. “I don’t see the need to brag about it…”

“Yeah, well,” James huffed. “You could have at least told us! I mean, you’re supposed to be the _proper_ bloke among us, after all.” The Head Boy was grinning widely, his eyes glinting.

“See!” Remus exclaimed, pointing wildly at James and Sirius who were now wearing identical looks of mischief. “This is _exactly_ why I didn’t tell you! I knew you would only tease me about it, and before long, the entire school would know about something that is between me and Buffy!”

“Now, Moony – “

“ – do you really have that little faith in us?”

“We wouldn’t – “

“ – do that to you!”

Remus just raised an eyebrow in disbelief, and James and Sirius both grinned sheepishly.

“Okay, so maybe we would,” Sirius admitted, shrugging. “But it’s our sacred duty as Marauders and your friends!”

“And as your friends,” James continued with a smirk, “we have a right to know - how was it?” 

Sirius pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. “So when I tell you about sex, it’s disgusting, but when it’s Remus, it’s all good?”

“He’s not even half as crude as you, Padfoot,” James sniggered.

* * *

**16 February**

“You wanted to speak with me?” Buffy said nervously, as she entered the Headmaster’s office. She had no idea of what Dumbledore wanted – all she knew was what professor McGonagall had told her at breakfast; that the Headmaster needed to see her about a matter of great importance, as soon as possible. Was it a new discovery of her bond with Remus? Had he been mistaken?

“Yes, I did,” Dumbledore said, gesturing for her to take a seat. “Lemon drop?”

“No thanks.” Sitting down, Buffy placed her hands in her lap, staring expectantly at the silver-bearded wizard.

Dumbledore chuckled. “No need to look so worried, child. You are not in any trouble.” His blue eyes twinkled impishly. “I thought it was time to update you a little on my research on the portal you fell through.”

Buffy straightened, her attention fully focused on the Headmaster now. Maybe she should have told the Headmaster to stop his research. If she had, she could have put it behind her once and for all, instead of risking being faced with the possibility that made her heart beat wildly against her ribcage – was it possible for her to go back? And if it was, did she want to? 

The thought of Sunnydale hadn’t crossed her mind since her first exclamation of ‘I love you’ to Remus – she’d accepted her place here, and no longer intended to return. At least, that’s what she’d thought. But now...if she had the possibility to do so… New doubts arose. Did her friends and family miss her? Was it selfish to want to stay? 

“As of now, I have found no way to return you to your own dimension,” Dumbledore said, and Buffy couldn’t help but brighten. If there was no way of going back, she wouldn’t have to choose. The Headmaster was frowning, though. “Unfortunately, I might add. You don’t belong in this world, Miss Summers, and I worry about the consequences your presence here may have on our universe, not to mention your own.” 

“So you’re saying…what?” Buffy asked. “If you find a way of sending me back, you will, without even consulting me? I like it here!”

“I know,” Dumbledore said calmly. “But I think you know as well as I do, that you’re not supposed to be here. After all,” he continued, staring into Buffy’s eyes gravely, “I seem to recall that the very reason you were not more upset when I told you it might take some time in returning you to your rightful place, was because you saw this universe as an escape?”

Looking down, Buffy said nothing, knowing what Dumbledore said was true. 

“Sooner or later, we must face our demons,” Dumbledore said. “You can’t run forever.”

Buffy’s head snapped up. “I’m not running anymore,” she protested. “I’ve come to terms with my past. I’m over it. I don’t need to ‘face it’ because there is nothing left to face!”

“But how can you truly know, until it stands before you in the flesh?” Dumbledore countered. “I am not trying to play the devil’s advocate, here. I am only reminding you of your position, so you can prepare yourself for when the day comes that you will be sent back. Because it _will_ come, that I assure you. I do not believe you are meant to be here.”

“But I’m happy here,” Buffy said. “Happier than I‘ve ever been. And,” she added, grasping at anything she could think of, “what about my bond with Remus? We’re soulmates! You called us lucky that we found each other! How can you even think of forcing us apart?!” 

“I also pointed out that most people never find theirs, that often, they do exist in other dimensions, and yet, they survive,” Dumbledore said coolly but calmly. 

“Not knowing what they’re missing,” Buffy snapped.

“And therein lies the problem,” Dumbledore said, unfazed by Buffy’s rising anger. “Now when you’ve found out what you _did_ miss in your own world, and know the difference, it will only hurt you in the end. Still, I stand by what I said then, Miss Summers. You _are_ lucky to have found Mr. Lupin, and you _should_ enjoy the time you have with him. But that does not change the fact that, soulmate or not, _you’re not supposed to be here,”_ he stressed. “One day, you and Mr. Lupin will have to part ways.”

“What if you never find a way?” Buffy argued desperately, suddenly more certain than ever that she never wanted to leave, now when she knew she wouldn’t get a choice in the matter. “Shouldn’t that be proof that I no longer belong in the world I came from?”

 _“Where there is a will, there is a way,”_ Dumbledore quoted. “If I can’t find it, someone else will. I am not the only one working on this…problem, after all, since your arrival here affects more than just yourself and those closest to you. Indeed, it might be a matter of dimensional balance completely out of sync and that could be disastrous. Have you ever heard of the butterfly effect, Miss Summers?”

“Yes,” Buffy mumbled silently, still not willing to accept that if Dumbledore found a way to send her back, back she would go, not matter what she thought. “But I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

“My dear girl,” Dumbledore said gravely, staring at her over his half-moon glasses. “You _are_ the butterfly.”

* * *

“Buffy?” Remus gave her a worried look, as the Slayer entered the boy’s dorm, completely white-faced and collapsed on the werewolf’s bed. “What’s wrong? What did Dumbledore say?” He motioned at James, Sirius and Peter (who had made up with Samantha, to the chubby boy’s never-ending relief) to leave the room and they quickly filed out, sensing a private conversation was needed. 

Buffy burst into tears and buried her face in Remus’ sweater.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. Shh…” Remus wrapped his arms around his girlfriend, worried, and more than glad they’d made up so they both could turn to each other when they needed a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. “Tell me what happened.”

“He said I have to go back,” Buffy sniffled. “Once he finds a way to return me to my world, I will have to leave, because apparently, I don’t belong here. I have no choice in the matter.”

“But he hasn’t found a way yet, right?” Remus wondered, rubbing her back softly, and Buffy shook her head. “Is he close?”

“It didn’t seem that way,” Buffy muttered. “I’m sorry - I know you look up to him and all, but I really hate Dumbledore right now.”

Remus chuckled weakly. “It’s alright. I’m not too pleased with him either at the moment, if he upset you. But, Buffy, try not to worry about it until you have to. But if it’s any comfort, when the time comes, I’ll go with you.”

Buffy sat up, drying her eyes. “You’re sweet. And you mean well, and believe me; I’d love it if you could go back with me. God knows my world would probably be nicer to you than this world, Hellmouths or not. But you can’t.”

Remus furrowed his brow. “Of course I can.”

“No.” Buffy shook her head. “Dumbledore was talking about the butterfly effect. How _I’m_ the butterfly, and how every action has a reaction. That the balance between this dimension and mine is threatened by my arrival here. That goes both ways. If you returned with me, _you_ would be the butterfly, and the balance would be in no better shape than it is right now. You wouldn’t belong in my world any more than I do in yours.”

Remus pursed his lips together, not at all happy with what he was hearing, and far from ready to accept it. “Then let’s worry about it later,” he said, embracing Buffy once again, holding her tight against his chest. “Maybe Dumbledore will never find a way. Despite what people believe, he is not God; he’s not all-knowing.”

“But – “

“No buts,” Remus interrupted, knocking her on the head with a closed fist gently. “I’d like to believe that you came here for a _reason,_ not because of a cruel turn of events that will only hurt us all in the end. But butterfly effect or not, whatever happens will happen, and there’s nothing we can do about it until then. We can’t go around worrying about the consequences of our existence or our every action. If that was the case, we might as well drop dead, right here, and right now.”

Buffy smiled slightly. “Thank you,” she muttered. “How do you always know just what to say to make me feel better?”

“Well,” Remus pretended to think, tapping his fingers against his lips in thought. “I used to believe it was because I am just that good – “ Buffy couldn’t help but snort. “But now, I can’t help but wonder if it’s not due to our bond. We’re meant to be, Buffy, and nothing can change that. We belong _together,_ whether that’s in this dimension or yours. Where you go, I follow, rules, or a lack of balance or whatever be damned. I’ve found you, and I am _never_ letting you go.”

* * *

**Published:** 13/02 -15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Keira Knightley as Mandy Walker.


	25. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in Roads Travelled. Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. “Do not stand at my grave and weep” is the creation of Mary Elizabeth Frye. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**18 February**

James entered the Quidditch changing rooms stiffly and pale-faced, closing the door behind him by leaning against it and sinking down to the floor.

Michaela Duncan, Nick Vandom and the rest of the team exchanged nervous looks. What was James playing at? Their game began in less than ten minutes, and he was having a breakdown? That was not like him at all! Usually, by this time, he would be pepping them to do their best, and intimidate them so they wouldn’t even dare not to, unless they wanted to face his wrath, which was not something anyone sought to do.

“James, are you alright?” Amanda Lorne asked, placing a hand on his shoulder worriedly. “Did you eat something bad at breakfast?”

James let out a strangled whimper, and Amanda backed away slowly, hands in front of her as a shield, rather frightened by the Captain’s out of character behaviour.

Sam Bryant cleared his throat. “Did the Hufflepuffs curse you or something?”

James slowly rose to his feet and took a deep breath, wiping of his robes. “I just became aware of something I didn’t know before – “ he began.

“Obviously, or he wouldn’t have become aware of it in the first place,” Gregory Morgan hissed at Ryan Samuelson theatrically, and James glared.

“ – I don’t want you to panic,” the Quidditch Captain continued. “Just play as you usually do and everything should be fine. No showing off, unless you’re absolutely certain you won’t make a fool of yourself in the process. It is important we, and especially Micha, Nick and I, make a good impression.”

“Good impression on whom?” Michaela questioned.

“The Quidditch Scouts,” James said, and the team froze as one.

“Y-you mean Quidditch Scouts recruiting for professional teams?” Nick stuttered out, eyes wide, voice unnaturally high.

“Yes. But like I said, DON’T PANIC!” James yelled out, as everyone on the team began talking at the same time, each trying to shout down the other. “Please. Just do your very best, and try not to think about the…very important audience.”

“Easier said than done,” Michaela said faintly, fanning herself with her broomstick. “I mean… _Quidditch Scouts,”_ she hissed at Nick and James.

“I never would have told you if I had known you’d react like this,” James muttered. “For Merlin’s sake, Micha, pull yourself together,” he added when he realised the Chaser was beginning to hyperventilate. “It’s more important than ever that we focus.”

He grabbed his broomstick from where it stood leaning against the wall, opened the doors, and walked out onto the pitch, followed by a tense, but determined team. Gregory, Sam, Amanda and Ryan exchanged looks of unspoken agreement. They all knew what was at stake here. They had to play at the top of their game, better than ever before. Their performance could determine whether or not they’d see the rest of their Teammates and fellow Gryffindors play at a National Level come autumn. 

James mounted his broom, and immediately caught the Quaffle, passing it to Michaela, who headed towards the Hufflepuff goalposts. His mind was in turmoil. He’d been so certain he wanted to become an Auror – but _Professional Quidditch…_ His heart was beating in his ears. If a position was offered him, could he really turn it down? It had been a childhood dream of his since the first time he flew…

“MICHAELA DUNCAN GIVES GRYFFINDOR THEIR FIRST TEN POINTS. NICE JOB, DUNCAN,” Sirius' enhanced voice droned out over the pitch, for once sounding very professional. It seemed the audience too knew there were very important people watching. 

James flew back towards Gryffindor’s goal, to intercept the Hufflepuff Chaser heading that way. Diving, he caught the Quaffle from above, throwing it backwards over his shoulder – and into Ryan Samuelson’s waiting hands. The newbie Chaser fumbled a bit with the ball, but managed to keep his grip long enough to pass it back to James when he turned around.

“AND JAMES POTTER EXECUTES ONE OF HIS MANY MIRACULOUS PASSES,” Sirius commented. “IF I DIDN’T KNOW BETTER, I’D SAY HE WAS BORN ON A BROOMSTICK.”

James smirked a little to himself. Of course, Sirius wouldn’t be able to keep sounding ‘professional’ for long, not when he could make the Scouts watching pay more attention to his best friend. Though the bragging about his talent was obvious, it was nonetheless welcome – it couldn’t hurt his chances, anyway.

James scored Gryffindor’s second goal, the Hufflepuff Keeper going in the opposite direction, despite the fact that James hadn’t even feinted and the throw would usually have been easy to catch. It seemed the Badgers were suffering from nerves.

“POTTER SCORES! TWENTY-ZERO, GRYFFINDOR’S FAVOUR,” Sirius yelled. “HUFFLEPUFF SEEMS TO BE SLEEPING!”

Ryan, who’d caught the Quaffle seconds before it was about to land in a Hufflepuff’s waiting hands, threw it to Michaela, who easily slipped by Hufflepuff’s defences by flying in an eight around the Chasers, and ducking the Bludgers coming in her direction. Then, she pretended to pass to James on her left, only to twist her arm around - right before the Quaffle left her fingertips - and score in the right goalpost. “AN AMAZING FEINT BY MICHAELA DUNCAN,” Sirius enthused. “SHE, ALONG WITH JAMES POTTER, IS WHAT HAS BROUGHT GRYFFINDOR, FROM THE PIT, BACK TO GREATNESS. THIRTY-ZERO TO GRYFFINDOR!”

James and Michaela exchanged high fives in the air, before flying back towards their half of the pitch. The Gryffindor Captain felt a sort of serenity enter him and all worries disappear. 

All that mattered now was this game, not what happened after. If he got an offer, he’d worry about it then, but for now, all his focus lay on the Quaffle and his fellow two Chasers: Ryan still had two years left to go, and since this was James’ last year, it was up to him to groom him for the future. And for Michaela, professional play would be a dream come true: It was his duty to make her look damn good to those Scouts watching. 

Looking up, he gave Nick Vandom, who also dreamed of playing Quidditch professionally, the thumbs up, and the seventh year grinned at the encouragement, slamming his bat into a Bludger instinctively, without even watching, and the Bludger neatly forced the Hufflepuff Chaser currently holding the Quaffle, to drop the ball…into Michaela’s hands.

“NICK VANDOM, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN,” Sirius shouted. “THE GRYFFINDOR QUIDDITCH TEAM IS FILLED WITH UNDISCOVERED TALENT, AND THE BEATERS ARE NO EXCEPTION.”

Michaela passed the Quaffle to James and raised an eyebrow at him as they turned back towards Hufflepuff’s goals. James blinked, recognizing the sign as one they’d agreed on when they wanted the other’s help in executing a spectacular, but difficult trick. Well, if Micha was sure she could handle it… Shrugging, James threw the Quaffle in the air, boxing it with his fist as if it was a volleyball in Micha’s direction.

The female Chaser narrowed her eyes in concentration, before she twisted her entire body, pushing her hands down on the broom handle. The motion made the back of Michaela’s broom rise in the air – like a horse kicking out with its back legs – where it swung…and hit the Quaffle cleanly, slamming it hard and fast, unstoppable, towards the goals. 

The Hufflepuff Keeper threw himself to catch the Quaffle…the ball hit the tip of his fingers, and he screamed, and everyone in the audience winced as they heard the snap of bones breaking. The Quaffle continued past, undeterred, entering the middle goal. “FORTY-ZERO, GRYFFINDOR! DID YOU SEE THAT?! I’VE NEVER SEEN THE LIKES OF IT BEFORE, IN ALL MY YEARS AS AN AVID FAN OF QUIDDITCH! THE FORCE OF THAT QUAFFLE – THE WAY DUNCAN HIT IT TOWARDS THE GOAL – I, SIRIUS BLACK – AM SPEECHLESS!” Sirius hollered.

James looked towards the teacher’s stand through the corner of his eye, and he could see his professor’s gawking in their direction; McGonagall’s hair had fallen out of its bun. A group of people he didn’t recognize – the Qudditch Scouts – were chattering wildly, waving their arms around to emphasise whatever they were saying, sometimes pointing in his and Micha’s direction, one of them gesturing upwards to where Nick was soaring, obviously impressed. 

James’ eyes glittered with satisfaction as he raced back towards his half of the field, the wind buzzing around his ears, joy and fluttering happiness entering his entire being. Slowly, he allowed himself to smile.

* * *

“Great game,” Lily said with a smile, sitting down beside James on the couch in the Gryffindor Quidditch room. “You all played really well. I bet those Quidditch Scouts were impressed.”

“They were,” James confirmed, remembering the conversation he’d had, along with Michaela and Nick, with the Scouts after the game. All three of them had been given offers, and from the look of things, both Micha and Nick planned on signing for one of the current British teams. James, however, even though the Scouts had been most interested in him, was far from certain.

“What teams offered you a position?”

James wordlessly handed Lily a pile of papers. “A lot,” he shrugged.

“These are really great teams, James,” Lily said quietly, flickering through the papers. “And really good spots, too.”

“I know.” James sighed. “I’m wavering, Lils,” he admitted. “I was so sure I wanted to become an Auror, but…Quidditch…”

“Well, all of these are only preliminary offers,” Lily pointed out logically. “No one is forcing you to make up your mind and sign a contract right away.”

“They still want a preliminary decision, though, before they leave the castle,” James sighed. “So they’ll know whether to waste any more time on trying to recruit me.”

Lily put an arm around his shoulder. “I can assure you, Potter,” she said, “that the teams who want you, don’t see this a waste of time. You are a fantastic player, James, and Britain’s professional Quidditch League would be lucky to have you.”

“Do you want me to accept?” James asked.

“It’s not my decision,” Lily said calmly, standing up. “I can’t make up your mind for you, James. But whatever you choose, make sure to follow your heart.” She left, walking up the stairs to the girls’ dorms, leaving James alone in the corner.

Closing his eyes, James leaned back in his chair, breathing in deeply through his nose. Remembering.

_**Flashback** _

_“Harold!” Lorraine Potter yelled from the front porch, “don’t let him up to high!”_

_Harold Potter let out a rumbling laugh. “You worry too much, darling,” he said, lifting up a two-year old James Potter on the child’s broom he was holding in a steady grip with his other hand. “Jamie is a Potter, after all! He was born to be in the air.”_

_Lorraine huffed, walking inside with a shake of her head. “Stupid, stubborn_ mule,” _she muttered. “I’m getting the first-aid kit anyway!”_

_“Whatever you do,” Harold whispered conspiratorially to James, who was kicking his legs back and forth on both sides of the broom, giggling madly, “don’t marry a redhead.”_

_“Wed!” James yelled, smacking a fat little fist against the broom-handle. “Mawwy wed-head!”_

_Harold sighed. “But then again, I have a feeling you’re already a lost cause. Alright, kiddo – want to fly?”_

_“Fy! Fy!” James shouted, spit flying from his mouth._

_“I thought so. Here we go!” Harold slowly let go of the broom, which rose slightly in the air. “Hmm…where did I put that manual…ah!” Harold leaned down and picked up the wizarding guidebook for the child’s broom, taking his eyes off James as he flickered through it. “Safety measures…automatically installed. Good, good,” he muttered to himself. A loud cry from somewhere far away made him look up, eyes widened. “No, James, no! Get down!”_

_James giggled madly from where he was holding on tightly to the broomstick, several feet in the air. “Fazzer, fazzer!” He yelled, rocking back and forth on the broom, which suddenly shot forward several feet. James squealed with joy, letting go of the handle to clap his hands together in delight. “I fy! I fy!”_

_“HAROLD! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!” Lorraine yelled, racing out on the porch, first-aid kit in hand, having spied James from the bathroom window. “GET HIM DOWN!”_

_“Right away, honey,” Harold panted; dashing after the racing broom through the garden, saluting his wife with what he hoped was a comforting gesture. “Now, where did I put my wand…?”_

_“HAROLD!”_

_**End Flashback** _

James smiled to himself. He’d loved flying from the start. There was something about soaring around in the air, surrounded by nothing but clouds, the occasional bird and the wind, that made him feel impossibly free, as though nothing was too much for him to handle. 

And Quidditch - the yelling and applause from the crowd, the danger from the spinning bludgers, the feel of the large leather Quaffle in his hands, the pride he felt whenever someone on his team scored or managed a tricky manoeuvre… He knew he was an amazing flyer, and a great Quidditch player: It came as natural to him as breathing. 

Being an Auror, on the other hand - James knew it wouldn’t be a walk in the park; he knew he wouldn’t get away unscathed - he was not invulnerable. It would be bloody, hazardous and difficult. He would be pushed to his limits and beyond. It was the right thing to do, a way he could help people, something James had always wanted, especially now, with Voldemort out there…but the truth was, he was scared. Terrified, even. 

What did he know of war, and fighting? Visions of glory, of being a hero, catching the bad guys and dealing out justice, danger and adventure waiting around every corner - James knew that was crap. Dreams never prepared you for the real thing. 

The question was, could he do it? Could he put away his fear and take a chance, take the leap into an uncertain future as a life as an Auror? Or should he go for the ‘safe’ option, Quidditch, where he would never be faced with doubt, where he knew he would shine?

Looking down at the Quidditch offers, James sighed. 

_Puddlemere United. Appleby Arrows. Caerphilly Catapults. Chudley Cannons. Montroes Magpies. Tutshill Tornados._

And he jumped.

* * *

“Ah, Mr. Potter!” One of the Scouts, a tall, grey-haired man with a large moustache and a beaming smile, clapped his hands together when James entered the Headmaster’s office. “Have you made up your mind? Your team-mates, Miss Duncan and Mr. Vandom have already expressed their interest in several of their offers, and have accepted further correspondence over the rest of their time here at Hogwarts to finalize their eventual contracts.”

“Yes.” James took a deep breath. “Professional Quidditch, for a long time, has been a childhood dream of mine. I am very honoured by your remarkably generous offers,” he said, and the Scouts all nodded, pleased, and beaming. “But I’m afraid I have to turn them down.”

Dumbledore, sitting behind his desk, let a thoughtful eyebrow rise, and most the Quidditch Scouts spluttered in surprise and indignation. The tall, grey-haired man only frowned, however. “Are you absolutely certain? Sometimes, dreams do come true, after all.”

“And some dreams should stay dreams,” James said strongly. “Yes, I am certain.”

“I am sorry to lose such a potential to - what is it you plan to do instead, Mr. Potter?” The man asked.

“I'm going to be an Auror, sir.”

“Ah, you’re a danger seeker,” the man’s lips twitched slightly now, clearly finding James’ answer amusing. “No doubt looking for the thrill of battle, fame and glory. Are you quite sure you know what you’re getting yourself into? Reality, after all, is quite different from fantasy.”

“I know,” James said calmly. “And that’s why I have to turn you down. The way reality looks right now…I couldn’t in good conscience play a game, even if it’s one I love, when I know I could do something more to help. I’m not doing it for the glory, sir, if there is such a thing to be found in war. I’m choosing to fight because it is the right thing to do,” James finished, conviction shining through both in his stance, the tone of his voice, and the glimmer in his hazel eyes.

Behind his desk, Dumbledore had straightened, and he was now staring at the young Potter with an inscrutable expression. 

“Maybe after you’ve had a taste of the reality you speak of, you’ll change your mind?” The Scout suggested, and James shrugged.

“Maybe. But I doubt it. Call it foolish, if you’d like, but I’d rather follow an uncertain path, than one where I’ll always wonder ‘what if’,” James said, voice filled with passion. “I can’t base my decision on what _might_ happen – I have to choose the road which seems right in this moment.”

“And you are, of course, aware that offers like these are unlikely to come again?”

“Yes. I am,” James answered, nodding firmly, once. “And I thank you again for your consideration, but I think I ought to get going. I’ve already occupied too much of your time. Headmaster.” James nodded to Dumbledore before leaving the office, never once faltering in his steps, despite the eyes boring into his skull from behind.

“Ah, Dumbledore,” the Quidditch Scout said with a small smile and a shake of his head once the office door closed behind James, “if there were more young men like Mr. Potter out there, we just might win this war.”

“Perhaps, Eric, perhaps,” Dumbledore agreed, fingering his long silver beard, blue eyes lost in thought.

* * *

**24 February**

Remus woke up to the blinding light of the hospital wing. Groaning, he began to sit up, and was met by the Headmaster’s grave face. One look into his blue eyes, untwinkling, and Remus knew that whatever Dumbledore wanted, it couldn’t be good. “Headmaster Dumbledore,” he croaked out, coughing, gratefully accepting the glass of water Poppy gave him from the other side of his bed. “What’s going on? What are you doing here?”

“Remus,” Dumbledore greeted sombrely, patting the werewolf’s hand in what was supposed to be a comforting gesture, but it only managed to make Remus feel even more ill at ease. “I am afraid I have some bad news.”

The foreboding sensation in Remus’ stomach magnified, and stretched itself up his spine like a cold chill. Why was the Headmaster calling him ‘Remus,’ and not ‘Mr. Lupin?’ What bad news? Looking around, he realized none of his friends were here, as they usually were the morning after a full moon. Only Buffy was there, looking incredibly downtrodden where she stood on the other side of the bed, beside a worried looking Poppy. Remus gulped, clenching his fists. “What’s happened?”

“There was an attack on your home, last night,” Dumbledore said, voice grave, and Remus suddenly felt faint. The room was spinning. “Greyback and his pack.”

“W-what are you trying to say?” Remus said, voice hoarse. Spots of coloured light danced in front of his eyes. “Is my mum alright?”

“Your mother is fine,” Dumbledore assured him. “Your father however…”

Remus paled, and he closed his eyes, his heart beating wildly, erratically, against his ribcage. “Is he hurt?” He asked, after he gathered enough composure to get the words out.

“Remus...” Buffy whispered, pain in her voice as she placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“Did he get bitten?” Remus asked, ignoring his girlfriend. “Is he at St. Mungos? Can I see him? How - “ 

Dumbledore interrupted him by raising a hand, looking sadly at Remus above his half-moon glasses. “Your father is dead, Remus. I’m sorry.”

Remus’ heart stopped and he blinked in confusion, shaking his head back and forth, as he tried to make sense of what Dumbledore was saying, the Headmaster’s voice buzzing in his ears: _“Help came quickly…His death was swift…Funeral this Sunday…I have arranged for you to leave school…”_

The buzzing came to an abrupt stop and the cold sensation squeezing his chest disappeared and a smouldering anger took its place, rising like bile up his throat. “It’s your fault,” Remus heard himself say, eyes burning a hole in Dumbledore’s body.

Dumbledore looked taken aback and the calmness on his face was disrupted for a second, as his eyebrows rose in complete surprise. “Pardon?”

“It’s all your fault,” Remus repeated coldly, clenching his fist.

Buffy’s eyes widened as she looked from Remus to the Headmaster in shock at Remus’ accusation.

“You’re understandably upset,” Dumbledore said soothingly, rising to his feet, his hand leaving Remus’. “I will leave you to rest.”

“Didn’t you hear me? IT’S YOUR FUCKING FAULT!” Remus yelled, burying his nails into the mattress, and the bottom sheet was shred to pieces as he ripped it apart, some of the mattress’ stuffing leaking out from the destroyed fabric. 

Buffy could only stare wide-eyed, incredibly shocked by Remus’ very uncharacteristic action, even as Madam Pomfrey let out a gasp, backing away from the bed. “Remus!” The medi-witch exclaimed, shocked. “What – “

“IT’S HIS FAULT MY FATHER’S DEAD!” Remus shouted, pointing at the Headmaster with a shaking finger. “His and all his stupid missions against Greyback! You increased his need for vengeance, fed it until he could hardly see straight! You could have stopped it! If you had, he never would have gone on that last mission! He never would have hurt Greyback, and then Greyback wouldn’t have killed him in revenge!” 

Remus could feel his wolf rising to the surface as he began to lose control of his emotions, and for once, he let it, too tired, too upset, too _enraged_ to stop it – and a part of Moony got free with a howl. Remus’ blue eyes turned into burning amber as the wild canine came loose inside his body, wreaking havoc. Remus could feel the part of Moony that he’d let free try escape the prison that was his host’s human body – that, however, was a cage he would not manage to break out of – the full moon had passed. 

“Re, calm down!” Buffy said, trying to keep calm as she saw the change in his eyes and felt his body tense beneath her hand. Gripping both his shoulders hard, she tried to make him focus on her, but Remus only had attention for the Headmaster.

“I HATE YOU!” Remus screamed, Moony’s howl present as a background echo in that piercing cry of sorrow, rage and grief. The curtains burst into flames, the windows shattering into thousands of pieces, along with every other piece of glass or porcelain in the hospital wing, as Remus lost control of his magic. With a gasp, Poppy dived for cover behind one of the beds, right in time, as the lamp behind where she’d stood a second ago exploded in thousand, piercing, and deadly shards.

“Ah!” Buffy gasped as shards from the lamp pierced her back, ripping her tank top. For a second, the amber in Remus’ eyes seemed to sputter and die out. “Remus, listen to me,” she told him. “Look at me, please.”

“This has nothing to do with you,” Remus hissed, trying to shrug of the grip she had on his shoulders, but the Slayer was too strong. Enraged at her interfering, he growled, his hands grabbing at her upper-arms, hard, nails digging into her biceps, gouging deep scratches into her skin.

Buffy hissed at the pain. “Remus, you’re hurting me,” she whispered, and Remus faltered, the amber in his eyes sputtering again, his grip loosening some, allowing Buffy to twist away. She was astonished that he had hurt her. He hadn’t been in his right mind, but he had still done it. She hadn’t thought their bond would allow it, but apparently she’d been wrong.

Dumbledore quickly took advantage of the temporary lapse in the Gryffindor’s fury. “I am not denying I might have played a part in Jonathan’s death, and for that, I am sorry,” he said quietly. Remus, who had opened his mouth for yet another long rant, but Dumbledore quickly continued: “However, I also believe you are focusing all your anger at me, because you don’t want to admit to your own guilt.”

Speechless, Remus gawked at the Headmaster in disbelief, silent, his amber eyes flickering blue for a second before reverting back, burning even brighter and darker than before. “My fault? You’re saying my father’s death is my fault?” He hissed, his entire body quivering with rage.

Dumbledore stared calmly back at the despairing boy, motionless, unflinching, as pieces of shattered objects raged around them, twisting and swivelling, like a rampant Tornado.  
some of the yet unshattered objects soaring around the room breaking apart, the pieces raining down on them both, scratching open wounds on their uncovered skin that neither seemed to notice. 

“No,” Dumbledore corrected. “But I think _you_ feel that way. After all,” he continued calmly, “if you hadn’t ventured outside as a child during the full moon, you never would have been bitten, and your father would never have felt the need for retribution in the first place.”

Remus clenched his jaw. “Stop it,” he said, closing his eyes, looking away.

“And,” Dumbledore continued, undeterred, “I think you are also angry at your father.”

“Stop it.”

“After all, it was his choice to come on the missions, even if it was at my suggestion. It was also his choice to insult Greyback in that newspaper article that led to your bite in the first place.”

“I SAID STOP IT!” Remus yelled, eyes – now blue again; the wolf had reverted back into its prison - flying open, tears streaming down his face. The shattered pieces spinning around their heads fell to the ground with a crash, the flaming curtains turned to ashes, and the furious wind in the room caused by magic settled down. “I don’t want to hear anymore,” he said weakly, sinking back down against his pillows. “Just go away.”

“We can play the ‘blame game’ and reflect on every ‘what if’ there is in the world, but nothing will change,” Dumbledore said, placing a grandfatherly hand at Remus’ head, and the werewolf flinched. “What is done is done. We can’t turn back time.”

The Headmaster left the room leaving Remus and Buffy in silence.

“I-I will be in my office,” Poppy muttered weakly, standing up from where she’d dived for cover, seemingly rather twitchy, and even a little frightened.

“Re...” Buffy slowly approached the bed again, and Remus turned to look at her, at last.

“I hurt you,” he whispered, his face scrunched up in self-disgust as he caught sight of her bleeding shoulders. “I can’t believe I did that...”

“You were upset,” Buffy said, sitting down on the side of his bed, touching his arm gently, and ignoring the way he stiffened. “You just found out something horrible – “

“That’s no excuse!” Remus exclaimed, pulling his arm away. “I hurt you!”

“I’m the Slayer,” Buffy said quietly. “This is nothing.”

“It’s not nothing,” Remus’ eyes blazed. “It’s _everything._ Don’t you see that? If...if I’m capable of that... If I’m capable of losing myself like that – hurting someone I love... I’m a monster.

“You’re not a monster!” Buffy insisted, trying to wrap him into a hug, but Remus pushed her away, causing her to almost fall off the bed.

“Maybe not yet,” Remus said, voice choked. “But I can easily become one.” He turned his head away, closing his eyes. “Just leave, Buffy. Before I hurt you again.”

Buffy stood up, looking at his still, grieving form in sadness for several seconds. “You’re hurting me right now,” she whispered. “By acting this way. Just talk to me, Re, please.”

Remus didn’t react at all, and Buffy’s shoulder slumped in sadness, and she sighed. “I won’t let you ignore me forever,” she warned, before slowly leaving the wrecked hospital wing.

* * *

**26 February**

“Has he said anything to you?” James asked Buffy worriedly, two days later, and the Slayer shook her head sadly.

“Not a word,” she sighed. “He’s still pushing me away. I’ve tried to talk to him, but...nothing. It’s like he’s catatonic or something.”

Sirius grimaced. “Damn,” he muttered. “I’d hoped he would have opened up to you, at least, because he hasn’t said a peep to me and James either. Or to Peter. And when I say ‘not a peep,’ I mean ‘not a peep.’ He doesn’t even react; he just sits on his bed and stares into space.” He shuddered. “It’s scary, not to mention worrying. He doesn’t even eat or sleep, as far as I know.”

“The funeral is today, isn’t it?” Lily asked, green eyes dull and void of life. “Didn’t he ask any of you to go with him?”

Buffy shook her head again. “I asked…but he just… _looked_ at me, you know? His eyes were completely empty. He left this morning with the Headmaster.”

“Merlin, I don’t even want to know how his mother must be taking it,” Mandy muttered sadly, shaking her head. “I mean…she was there, wasn’t she? When it happened?”

“You mean she saw it?” Peter piped up, eyes wide in fright, and Samantha squeezed his hand. “She saw Jonathan… _die?”_

“Not to mention, she’s _pregnant,”_ Samantha added, voice low. “She must feel awful.”

“All we can do is to be there,” Lily said. “I think Remus is going to really need his friends, once the shock has worn off. His girlfriend, especially, even if it might not seem that way, right now.”

“I know,” Buffy sighed. “I know Remus is pushing me away because he’s gotten it in his head that his father’s death was his fault, and he doesn’t want me to end up the same way. And considering what happened in the hospital wing, he’s even more convinced he’s dangerous.” She crossed her arms, letting her fingers linger on her biceps as she remembered the scratches there – gone now, of course, her Slayer healing having taken care of them almost immediately. 

Unfortunately, the scars on Remus’ psyche from what he’d done couldn’t be so easily fixed and he was now convinced he was dangerous and she was better off without him. And why now, when everything had finally gone back to normal after the soulmate-obstacle? It just wasn’t fair. “I just don’t know how to get through to him – make him realize there was nothing he could have done, that he’s not to blame.”

“Remus has always been great at blaming himself, it doesn’t matter how unreasonable the reason behind it is,” James muttered. _“And_ at pushing people away.”

“Fortunately, we’re a stubborn lot, and not that easy to get rid of,” Sirius put in, remembering how they’d all been there for Remus, even becoming Animagi for him, despite the fact that the werewolf had done his best not to let them close after they’d found out the truth. But Sirius had no idea how they were supposed to help him this time.

* * *

_“The Lord is my shepherd; therefore can I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures and leads me beside still waters. He shall refresh my soul and guide me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me…”_

Remus tuned out the words spoken by the pastor, his mind strangely numb and empty; the only noise penetrating it were his mother’s loud sobs in his right ear, as she leaned on his shoulders, quivering, her arms clutching him desperately. He knew she was probably making a right spectacle of herself, if the looks sent their way were any indication, but he didn’t care – what did they know, anyway? 

They had no right to judge. It wasn’t _their_ father, _their_ husband, being lowered into the ground. What were they doing here at all? It wasn’t like they’d known him well – Hell, most of them were co-workers, previous bosses, from Jonathan’s earlier jobs in the Muggle World – none of them were magical. Nor were they were truly saddened by his passing. A couple of them had probably _fired_ him, once upon a time, when his father’s absences became too many, and the explanations too weak.

_‘It’s my fault. You gave up so much for me, for mum…so we’d be safe. And for that, you get…what? Nothing! You’re nothing more than a rotting corpse in the ground…what did our family do to deserve this?’_

Suppressed fury sparkled in blue eyes that were flickering amber. _‘Why this mockery of a show? Why a Muggle funeral at all? To keep up appearances? Dad’s dead, it’s not like things matter…he was a wizard for Merlin’s sake! He should have a wizarding burial...’_

A hand clutched his left shoulder, and Remus flinched. Looking up, he realized he had everyone’s attention. Blinking in confusion, he stared at Headmaster Dumbledore, who was the one to have startled him. “You’re supposed to throw earth on the coffin,” Dumbledore said in a low voice. “They’re all waiting for you.”

Remus throat constricted painfully, and he desperately wanted to yell out a sharp retort, but something held him back. Instead, he walked stoically forward, grabbing his mother’s hand in his right, pulling her along. Bending down, he picked up some of the earth with a grimace, throwing it onto the coffin, before helping his mother - who’d finally stopped her sobbing in favour of staring blankly at nothing, which was somehow worse - do the same.

_“In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ, we commend to almighty God our brother Jonathan, and we commit his body to the elements; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust…”_

Dumbledore stepped forward, and bowed his head, after everyone had finished throwing earth onto the coffin, his wizened voice speaking, slowly, quietly, quickly capturing everyone’s attention without even trying:

_“Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the softly falling snow. I am the gentle showers of rain, I am the fields of ripening grain. I am in the morning hush, I am in the graceful rush. Of beautiful birds in circling flight, I am the starshine of the night. I am in the flowers that bloom, I am in a quiet room. I am in the birds that sing, I am in each lovely thing. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there - I do not die.”_

Tears welled up behind Remus’ eyelids, but he refused to let them fall. _He had to be strong._ What right did Dumbledore have to speak at his father’s funeral, anyway? He tried to bring forth that familiar rage – anything was better than this _emptiness_ – but came up with nothing. He couldn’t find it in himself to be angry anymore. 

The words spoken by Dumbledore had pushed it away. Somehow, that poem had made him feel more at peace with things than the pastor had managed to do. Made this so-called funeral feel like less of a travesty, and more like his father would have wished it: A wizard’s soul couldn’t be destroyed, after all – his body might rot and crumble, but his soul became one with magic, one with all that surrounded them…the poem really seemed more befitting wizards than muggles…was Mary Frye a witch? 

People were leaving now; Dumbledore was speaking silently with the pastor, who also took his leave. Remus and his mother remained alone by the grave.

“I shall help your mother home, Remus.” Dumbledore said from behind him. “I have a portkey back to Hogwarts…”

“I’m not going back to Hogwarts,” Remus heard himself say, voice strangely void of all emotion. Had he really just uttered that phrase?

Dumbledore jerked back as if slapped, actually surprised. “Remus…your education…”

“Like it matters,” Remus muttered bitterly. “It’s not like anyone will care what grades I get – the second they spot my Godforsaken werewolf ID, I’ll be thrown out head first anyway.” 

“I never took you for a cynic,” Dumbledore said. 

Remus snorted. “Then you really don’t know me that well, do you?”

“Your father wouldn’t want you to throw your life away – “

“Don’t you dare even mention my father,” Remus snapped. “He’s dead. And does my mother seem to be able to take care of herself in this state? She’s beyond devastated, not to mention _pregnant,_ for Merlin’s sake! And we live out in the middle of nowhere!”

Dumbledore sighed. “I will have someone check on your mother – “

“ – I really don’t trust anyone other than me with my remaining family’s welfare, Headmaster,” Remus said coolly. “If you’ll excuse us.” He walked towards their car – a large buckle still on the front; they never had repaired it, or got it sold. That day before Yule seemed so long ago – had it only been a couple of months since they’d been so carefree? – and it looked more rundown than ever. He was more than aware of Dumbledore’s eyes staring sadly at him, as he helped his mother inside, before he heard the familiar crack of Apparation. Remus didn’t know whether to feel sad or relieved he was gone.

“Johnny?” Dana Lupin said crookedly, blinking up at Remus in confusion as he helped her with the seatbelt. “Are we going home?”

Remus swallowed down another lump in his throat and he smiled shakily. _‘She’s mistaking me for my father…’_ “Yes, we’re going home.”

Dana nodded sleepily, leaning further back in her seat. “Good. It’s soon time for Remmie’s nap…”

A strangled sob escaped Remus’ throat, despite his best effort to hold it back. _‘Oh, dear God…can I really do this?’_ “Of course.”

* * *

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HE’S NOT COMING BACK?” Sirius exclaimed, standing up from his seat, glaring at his Head of House. Professor McGonagall looked decidedly flustered where she was standing, in the middle of the common room under close scrutiny from every member of her house, Remus’ worn trunk floating beside her. 

“Like I said, Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin has decided to withdraw from Hogwarts.”

Whispers broke out - none of the students could believe Remus had just quit school like that: Remus Lupin, prefect, always buried with his nose in a book, was the last person they’d believed would end his education on a whim. But he had, and his closest friends all looked extremely upset. It was clear they had had no warning. 

“He can’t do that!” James exclaimed, still in shock. “Can he?”

“Indeed he can, Mr. Potter,” McGonagall said. “Hogwarts’ education is completely voluntary – there is no law or rule that says you have to study here, nor is there a law that says you have to finish once you’ve begun. All students at Hogwarts are well within their rights to leave, whenever they wish it, as long as they have either their Guardian’s permission, or have come of age.”

“But what about his NEWT:s?” Lily broke in, close to tears.

McGonagall’s lips became a thin line. “I am not recommending quitting ones’ studies, like Mr. Lupin has done,” she said. “But we do not have any right to judge or agree or disagree with his decision. It is unfortunate, but due to circumstances beyond anyone’s control, Mr. Lupin’s priorities have changed, which is understandable, all things considered.”

Buffy still had not said anything, but was simply staring at the floor, brows furrowed, not sure what to think. On one hand, she felt abandoned and forgotten – he hadn’t even told her he planned on leaving. But she could also understand Remus’ decision – she would probably have done the same if she were in his shoes. 

But she also knew this was yet another manner in which he was pushing her away, still convinced he was no good for her. She inwardly bemoaned the fact that she always fell for the troubled ones. Though Angel’s angst had nothing on Remus’.

“But what about his friends?” Sirius said hotly. “What about us? He’s just going to leave us behind?”

“Oh, do get a hold of yourself, Mr. Black!” McGonagall snapped, her nostrils flaring. “Are you really that selfish?” 

Sirius flushed, no one was sure whether it was because of anger or embarrassment.

“I believe it is in everyone’s best interest to accept his departure, and move on,” McGonagall continued. “I do not envy the decision Mr. Lupin has been forced to make – continue his studies and ensure his own future, or leave and take care of his remaining family at the cost of his own happiness? I for one find the choice he’s made commendable, and very Gryffindor. Whether it was the right one, remains to be seen. Duncan?”

“Yes, professor?” Michaela Duncan stood up on shaky legs, still unable to believe the events that had just transpired. She caught the item McGonagall threw her on pure reflex, blinking at the badge in her hands.

“With Mr. Lupin gone, Gryffindor is missing a seventh year Prefect,” McGonagall said. “I believe you will do a fine job in his stead.” 

“Yes, professor,” Michaela mumbled, not feeling very happy over her new ‘promotion’ in the least.

Professor McGonagall left the common room under complete silence.

“I can’t believe he’d just up and leave like that,” James said, upset.

“Well, I can,” Sirius said bitterly, feeling betrayed for some reason. “It’s what he does, isn’t it? Running away, instead of facing his problems?”

“Sirius! How can you say that?” Lily exclaimed. “If he was running away, wouldn’t it have made more sense to come back and continue his studies, leaving his mother’s care in someone else’s hands?”

“Lily’s right,” Peter said, looking down at his hands. “I mean…he’s going to live on the same spot his father was _murdered,_ for Merlin’s sake!” He shuddered.

“Are you saying you’re alright with this?” Sirius hissed.

“Of course not!” James huffed. “But there's no use arguing about it! It’s out of our hands, anyway!”

Sirius’ eyes flashed. “So we’re just going to let it be? What about you, Buffy? He’s your boyfriend, and he didn’t even consult you before making his decision – are you alright with this?”

“Of course I’m not alright with this!” Buffy exploded. “For fuck’s sake, he’s more than just my boyfriend and we just came to terms with that!” Ignoring the confused looks from her friends, she ranted on: “But what right do I have to question his decision? All I can do is accept it, support it, and hope Remus won’t be pushing me away forever like he’s doing now! But my unhappiness is nothing compared to the pain _he_ must be feeling, and while I hate that he won’t let me help him or comfort him, I’m sure as Hell not going to sit here and _mope_ about it, because that’s not helping anyone, least of all him!” Buffy finished hotly, standing with such force that her chair fell over and smashed into the floor, breaking one of its leg of it in the process. She stomped up the stairs, slamming the doors to the girl’s dorm loudly, making all of the portraits hanging in the common room fall down.

“…Hear, hear,” James mumbled weakly.

* * *

**Published:** 06/05 -15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Bradley James as Remus Lupin.


	26. Survival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in Roads Travelled. Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**1 March**

“Alright, enough is enough!” Lily slammed her book closed and glared at the Marauders who were all sitting around her, silent and moping. “I know you’re upset – I am too, but we can’t wallow in misery forever!”

“Yes, we can,” Sirius muttered, still rather resentful of Remus’ decision to leave. “Shut up and study.”

Lily and Mandy exchanged exasperated looks. As proof of how depressed the Marauders were, Sirius, James and Peter had taken up studying again: Not because they particularly wanted to, nor because they actually learned something, but because of a lack of energy to do anything else. And their mood was infectious, which meant the entire Gryffindor population, and even a large part of the rest of the student body were miserable and sullen as well. 

The Marauders really had no idea of how much their mood affected the rest of the school, yet more proof of how important they were in the eyes of the rest of the students, both for moral and general happiness. No one had quite realized the impact the group had had over the years, until the four boys stopped being four, and turned into three. Nor had anyone realized the large part Remus had in the Marauders’ either – most of the school had regarded him and Peter as followers, and James and Sirius as the leaders. But with Remus gone, it was clear that was not the case at all, for without him there were no Marauders at all.

“Look,” Lily said, putting her hands on her hips, “I don’t know if you’ve realised, but the entire school is in the drains because of the way you’re acting.”

“And that’s our problem, why?” James muttered. “It’s not our fault the rest of the students are sheep and can’t be happy unless we are.”

“I’m not judging you,” Lily sighed, stomping her foot. “But instead of sitting here, surrounded by melancholy and despair, why don’t we _do_ something? Remus wouldn’t want you to act like this!”

“Why not?” Peter piped up, biting on his pen. “Moony liked to study – which means he should be happy that’s what we’re doing.”

“God, you’re talking about him as though he’s dead,” Buffy said as she came down from the girls’ dorms, approaching them. “He’s not. Lily’s right. You’re miserable because Remus isn’t here. But he must feel even worse.”

“Well, he’s only got himself to blame,” Sirius said stubbornly, knowing he was being unreasonable, and unfair to Remus, but he couldn’t help how he felt. “He chose to leave.”

“Sirius!” Lily exclaimed. “I can’t believe you just said that!”

“Well, I’m right, aren’t I?” Sirius said, grey eyes blazing. “If he was here, we could help him deal!”

“Like that’s the only reason you want him back,” Lily spat in disbelief. “You only want him here so _you_ won’t feel as lonely! He didn’t leave to go on a friggin’ holiday! Merlin, I can’t believe how selfish you’re acting!”

Sirius flushed angrily. “Look, all I’m saying is – “

“Look, all Sirius meant was – “ James cut in at the same time, and Lily turned her glare at him.

“ – SHUT UP!” Buffy yelled and everyone turned to stare at the Slayer, blinking in shock.  
“Thank you,” Buffy said. “Now, I know Remus chose to leave school, Sirius, James, but I’m not blaming him for that choice, nor am I especially angry at him for it. I can understand it, and I have accepted it. That, however,” she continued, “does not mean I am perfectly alright with it. But it doesn’t mean I’m going to act the way you have, because it’s not helping anyone. While you have been acting like sissies with your knickers in a twist – “

“Oi!” Sirius protested.

“ – I have been thinking of ways to improve our situation,” Buffy finished, ignoring Sirius’ input. “It really isn’t fair to Remus to miss out on his education just because he wants to take care of his mother. And you obviously need something to do, and since you seem to favour studying so much lately…”

James snorted. “Yeah, right…we’re only doing it for lack of better stuff to do.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Fine. In your lack of _better things_ to do, why don’t you put your studying to good use? Copy your assignments you get to do during class from the professors and send them to Remus, along with any homework, so he can still keep up with our classwork and learn something. And help him to keep his mind off of things. At the same time you get to do something to feel useful. And _write_ to him! I have, and I know for a fact that he’s feeling extremely lonely, not to mention abandoned. You’re supposed to be his best friends for Heaven’s sake!”

The Marauders exchanged guilty looks. “Well, I did try to write…” James said. “But I didn’t know what to say…”

“Anything!” Lily said eagerly, now excited about Buffy’s plan too. “Anything not to do with the _incident,_ that is. Samantha told me that when she was cooped up at St. Mungos, she really enjoyed the letters that made no mention of the attack at all. When you’re in that sort of situation, I think all you really want is to be reminded of is that life goes on as normal. Disasters happen, but some things are constant. Act normal, be yourselves, joke around, speak of your day, plan pranks, include him – make sure he knows he’s still a part of the Marauders, that he’s still your friend.”

“Of course he’s still our friend!” Sirius said hotly.

“We know,” Buffy said. “But does he?”

* * *

**5 March**

“So what do you think?” Samantha said eagerly, her whole face lit up as she waited for Peter’s opinion on the blueprint of a spacious building on Charing Cross Road. “It’s the perfect place for my record store,” she said, “only a couple of buildings down from the Leaky Cauldron, so it’s easily accessible for magic-users too, even though it will be mainly a Muggle shop.”

“It looks great,” Peter said sincerely, placing a small kiss on her cheek. “Have you already bought it?”

Samantha sighed, shaking her head. “No. I’ve placed a bid, though I know there are several others who are also interested. I think all of them are Muggles, but I have no idea how high they’re willing to go… I have quite a lot of money, but I can’t afford to raise my bid much higher than I already have.”

“Can’t you just _Obliviate_ the competition of all knowledge of ever wanting it?” Peter suggested.

Samantha’s eyes widened. “Peter! No! That’s against the law, not to mention completely immoral! We might be blessed with magic, but that doesn’t give us the right to take advantage of those less fortunate.”

Peter shrugged, not really seeing the big deal – they were just Muggles, after all, so what did it matter? It wasn’t like they’d be able to tell. “What about this area here?” Peter said, changing the subject, and pointing at a small space on the blueprint. “It looks like another room?”

“Almost,” Samantha said nodding. “Yet another thing that’s great about this place. It’s an alcove of sorts, really small, but it’s almost right behind where I was thinking of placing the cashier, so it would work great for a place to store the wizarding music – all I’d have to do is a place a Muggle repelling charm on it, and I’d be able to control who enters, so no Muggle could get through by mistake.”

“It sounds really nice,” Peter said. “I hope you get it.”

“Yeah, me too,” Samantha said, sighing dreamily. “Did I mention it has two stories?” 

“No, you must have forgotten to bring that up,” Peter said, unable to stop the small feeling of bitterness rising in his chest: He was happy for Sam, he truly was, just as he was happy for all his friends who all seemed to know what to do after Graduation. Even Remus had a sense of direction, even if it was just being a stay-at-home-son-who-everyone-loves-anyway-despite-his-lack-of-prospects-just-because-he’s-Remus-Lupin-who-can-do-no-wrong. He jerked back slightly in shock: Where had _that_ thought come from? Was he really that petty?

“Peter? Are you there?”

“Huh? What?” Peter asked blinking, waking up from his self-induced shock. “Oh, yeah. Two stories. Awesome.”

Samantha giggled. “Happy to know you’re listening. I thought I’d turn the upper-floor into apartment space, actually,” she said. “So I could live above the shop. And, the building has a basement too, which I could use as a store-room. Isn’t it fantastic?”

“Yeah.” Peter smiled weakly, feeling more and more worthless with every passing second. What use was he, really? None of his friends actually needed him. Samantha didn’t need him anymore either, if she ever had. She might have been a victim for bullies, but it was clear all along from her excessive plans about her future, that she’d never planned on staying that way once Graduation came around: Just because you were once a victim, didn’t mean you couldn’t rise above. The outside world was nothing like school, after all…but Peter couldn’t help but wish it was. 

How simple it would all be; if everyone could just live day by day, always friends, without a care in the world, without the need to plan for anything other than their next meal and occasional prank… 

A sudden laugh interrupted his depressing thoughts, and he looked up and was met by Samantha’s face grinning widely at him. “What’s gotten into you today?” She asked. “I’ve been trying to get your attention for several minutes now, but it seems like no one was home.”

Peter chuckled half-heartedly. “Yeah, well, you know me.” He knocked himself on the head. “Empty headed.”

Samantha frowned, obviously taking the comment a lot more seriously than Peter had meant it to be. “You know I don’t think that of you, right?” She asked quietly. “There are lots of people who don’t know what they want to do with their future. You don’t have to feel stupid just because you haven’t made any plans…”

Peter’s temper suddenly flared up, and he wasn’t even sure why. “That’s not it at all!” He snapped. “I don’t need you to reassure me! I don’t need your pity!”

Samantha gawked. “I didn’t mean – “

“ – Don’t assume you know me just because we’re dating!” Peter interrupted harshly, standing up from his seat. “I’ll have you know I have lots of plans! Just because I don’t feel the need to _brag_ about them constantly like everyone else doesn’t mean I’m useless.”

“Peter…” Samantha whispered, her eyes brimming over with tears. “I never – “

“Save it for someone who cares,” Peter continued callously, fists clenched and his face taking on an almost cruel quality, before he spun around, stomping out of the Hufflepuff common room angrily.

Samantha stared after him, crying silently, Peter’s malicious expression imprinted on her mind. And she didn’t even understand what she had done wrong.

* * *

Peter stomped angrily down the corridors, an ugly expression on his face that made the students he encountered back away in shock, not used to an angry Peter Pettigrew. However, as he reached the Entrance Hall, he felt his anger begin to leave him, and he was left with a feeling of extreme guilt. Samantha hadn’t deserved that. 

“Had a spat with your girlfriend, Pettigrew?” a voice drawled, and Peter looked up, coming face to face with Regulus Black, who was leaning against a stone pillar arrogantly, the ideal picture of what pureblood aristocracy was supposed to look like. 

Peter’s shoulders slumped. This day was just getting better and better. “That’s none of your business, Black,” he said tiredly.

Regulus whistled. “Growing a backbone, are you? Are you sure it will be able to support your plump little body?”

Peter’s anger flared up anew. His weight had always been a sore spot – as a first year, he’d been rather…well, chubby, he had to admit, but he didn’t think so anymore – years of running up and down staircases, escaping from Filch, and playing in the Forbidden Forest had changed that rather quickly, and now, while slightly rounder than most of his peers (but a lot thinner than several as well), he definitely couldn’t be called chubby or anything like it. “I’m not plump!” He hissed.

Regulus raised his hands in surrender. “Sorry, sorry,” he said, backing off quickly, to Peter’s surprise. “I suppose you aren’t anymore. Huh. I hadn’t noticed. I apologize.”

Peter stared at him warily. A Slytherin, Regulus Black of all people, apologizing to him? And actually seeming like he meant it? Was this some sort of trick? Still, Peter couldn’t help the swell of confidence that rose just from that, even though he should know better than to take him seriously.

“Look,” Regulus said sheepishly, dragging a hand through his perfectly groomed hair. “I know we haven’t been…the best of friends.”

Peter snorted. “That’s an understatement.”

Regulus lips twitched. “True. Still, I have no grudge with you personally, Pettigrew. The only reason I’ve…been mean to you at times, is because you’re friends with my brother, who can be rather conceited. Even you have to admit that.”

“Not really. Perhaps. Sometimes. Yes,” Peter finally admitted, earning himself another smile.

“Truth is,” Regulus said, “I actually sort of admire you.”

Peter couldn’t help it. He burst out laughing. “I-I’m sorry?! What?!”

Regulus frowned. “You don’t have to laugh, you know. Merlin, you really have no idea, do you?”

“What?” Peter said, his laughter stopping abruptly, as he stared at Regulus in confusion.

“There are a lot of people – Slytherins, mostly, but several Ravenclaws, a few Hufflepuffs, and a couple of Gryffindors as well – who really think you deserve so much more than what your ‘friends’ give you. They don’t appreciate your talents nearly enough.”

“What talents?” Peter said bitterly.

Regulus shook his head. “Like I said, they don’t appreciate you. They take you for granted, make fun of you, use you…you can’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”

Peter shrugged, not knowing what to say. He supposed it was true – sometimes he did feel that way, but he also knew that his friends genuinely cared for him. At least he thought they did.

“I need them. They’re my friends.”

“But are you theirs?” Regulus countered. “Look, I know they ‘protect’ you, or whatever, but the only reason you’re targeted in the first place is because of them and their immature pranks.”

“We haven’t pranked people nearly as much this year,” Peter protested.

“And in turn, we have left you alone. Mostly,” he added after a small pause. “Like I said, we have no grudge against you personally, Pettigrew. Lots of people actually look up to you somewhat, might even come to like you, if only you’d get it through your head that your ‘friends’ only give you more trouble than they’re worth. I applaud your survival instinct – hiding behind my brother and Potter and even Lupin might have protected you here at school, but like I said, if it weren’t for them, you wouldn’t need protecting. They’re smothering you. And your potential. You could be great, you know.”

“I don’t have any potential,” Peter muttered.

“Merlin, listen to yourself!” Regulus exclaimed, exasperated. “Where’s that Gryffindor pride? Are you really that pathetic?”

“No!” Peter shouted.

Regulus expression turned into a sneer. “Really? Because to me, with every word that leaves your mouth, I’m becoming less and less convinced. I thought you deserved so much better than what your friends can give you, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe you really are weak. Maybe there isn't anything inside you worth having…maybe your friends are right and you are nothing more than a lousy sidekick, a spineless worm, looking for someone to protect you.”

“That’s not true,” Peter protested weakly. “I don’t need protecting. I can take care of myself. I’m a survivor!"

“But how long do you think they’ll keep that up?” Regulus continued conversationally, pretending not to have heard. “After all, there’s a war out there, and considering they’re all Gryffindors, I don’t doubt they’ll get involved – and drag you with them. Do you honestly think their defence of you will continue, outside these walls? No, Pettigrew,” Regulus said bitterly, “it’s every man for himself out there, and people like you, without any talent of their own, with no qualities worth having, will be the first to fall. Pawns to the larger players.”

“Shut up,” Peter said, his voice so silent, he wasn’t even sure he’d spoken them in the first place.

“They might have protected you through your years at Hogwarts,” Regulus said, inspecting his nails. “Just as you sought their protection, because of their potential as leaders was obvious even as first years. But once you’ve graduated, everything will change. You, who have previously been guarded by them, will be nothing more than their shield; the first to fall, a necessary sacrifice - _expendable.”_ He began to walk away, leaving Pettigrew standing in the corridor, his final words ringing in his ears:

“It’s past payday, Pettigrew. And it’s only a matter of time before your so-called protectors come to collect. If you have any sense, you’d start to think of saving your own skin, and leave them before you end up dead.”

* * *

**6 March**

“Mr. Black,” McGonagall said, giving Sirius, who was poking the porcelain kitten on her desk with his wand, at the same time as he chewed on one of her Ginger Newts that came from a Tartan tin, also on her desk, a stern look. “It would really help if you could be serious and focus.”

“I’m always serious,” Sirius joked. From the look of her face, he could tell his Head of House was not amused. “Sorry.” He leaned back in his chair, and stopped poking the kitten, but not before taking another biscuit.

“Thank you. Now, we’re here to discuss possible careers for you.”

“And as I told you when I first came in, this meeting is completely unnecessary,” he said. “My goal from fifth year has not changed. I still want to be an Auror.”

“And I’m glad to hear it,” McGonagall said. “However, are you sure you have considered what the career entails?”

“You don’t think I can do it?” Sirius said blinking. “My grades are perfect! I’m among the top of my class!”

“That is not what I meant,” McGonagall said. “Mr. Black – Sirius. Both you and I know you tend to be a little…rash, rushing head first into situations. For an Auror, that can be disastrous. You will be forced to co-operate with other Aurors, as well as take orders, something I know from experience you’re not that good at. Disobeying an order, and doing what you usually do; acting before you think, can result in not only your death, but that of others.”

“I know,” Sirius said. “And I know I’ll have to work on that, but I truly believe I can overcome it. My fifth year and the whole business with Snape and the Whomping Willow taught me that lesson, if nothing else.”

“That is also a problem,” McGonagall continued.

“My fifth year?” Sirius looked scared. “But…I thought the incident didn’t end up in any permanent records?”

“That’s not what I meant,” McGonagall said kindly, handing him another biscuit. “And no, it didn’t. However, though I am glad you have learned from your mistakes, you’ve never learned to prevent them before they occur, because you don’t stop to consider all sides and possible consequences of a situation. A lot because you can’t admit that you are sometimes in the wrong, until after the fact. Again, a lot due to your temper.”

“Oh.” Sirius sat silent for several seconds, chewing his lips, brow stuck in a frown. 

“Look,” he finally said. “You’re right. My temper isn’t the best. It’s probably among the worst out there. I know I tend to see the world in black and white, I know I rarely think things through…but I also know that if given this chance, if I’m accepted into the Aurors, I’d give it my _everything.”_ Sirius eyes shone. 

“It will be difficult, I will probably mess up a lot of times, but I’m willing to work hard, I’m willing to do more than just try. This is not a decision I made on a whim. I know that life outside these walls isn't a playground – it’s war. I know I won’t always succeed and make the right choice. I know I’ll probably get people hurt, maybe killed. I know I’ll probably get myself killed, just due to the reasons you mentioned. But I’m _still willing._ There will be causalities, and yes, I might end up being the reason for a lot of them, but I’m hoping – no, I _know_ – I can do this world a load of good, if only I’m given a chance.”

“I’m not saying the salvation of one life makes up for the loss of another, but sometimes, you have to take a chance,” Sirius said. “You know the sort of family I’m from, and the expectations, or lack-thereof, of me, because of it. So…I’m asking you…no, I’m begging you – give me that chance. Give me the chance to prove to the world, to _myself,_ that I am not just a Black. Give me a chance to prove that I am _Sirius.”_

McGonagall smiled. “There was never a question of whether to give you a chance, Sirius. You don’t need it, but for the record, you have it. All I needed to hear from you was what you just said: That you’re willing, that you know what you’re getting yourself into. I am proud of all my Gryffindors, Sirius. But you and your friends have made me a lot prouder than you’ll ever know, more times than I can count.”

Sirius looked confused. “But I thought you didn’t like us because we’re pranksters?”

McGonagall’s lips twitched. “True, you are pranksters, but you have good hearts. Good souls, and a strong _passion_ you rarely see today. And, between you and me…” She leaned forward conspiratorially, “…I was a prankster too.”

* * *

**7 March**

“Miss Evans,” professor McGonagall said, smiling warmly. “Please, have a seat.”

Smiling back at her Head of House, Lily sat down in front of the desk, clasping her hands together in her lap.

“Now, have you given any thought to what you were offered during the Work Fair?” McGonagall asked, getting straight to business. “I know you made quite an impression.”

“Yes,” Lily said. “And it truly does sound like everything I could possibly hope for and more, it’s just…” She bit her lip.

“Just..?” McGonagall encouraged.

“…Are you sure I’m capable enough?” Lily wondered, not meeting the professor’s eyes. “I mean, I know my grades are perfect, but grades don’t really prove anything about my personal abilities. They only show that I know how to study.”

“Lily,” McGonagall said sternly. “You know where those men came from, and do you truly believe a department as prestigious and – pardon the pun - _mysterious_ as theirs would approach you about a spot with them if they did not have utmost faith in your abilities?”

“Well…no,” Lily admitted. “But they can’t really know any more about me than I do.”

“You have far too little confidence in yourself,” McGonagall stated briskly. “And if it takes some of the pressure off, remember, they never gave you a straight out offer or a place with them. All they wanted was to speak to you, but from what they told me afterwards, they were impressed. First impressions mean everything, and you made a large impact.”

“But,” she added, “if you’re not confident you’re ready, then maybe you aren’t. Like you said, they demand a lot from their employees, and there is hardly any place left for mistakes. And you are still young. I do believe though, that if anyone can do it at your young age, it’s you.”

Lily nodded. “Thank you. And I think I could probably do it…it’s just…very overwhelming, still, you know?”

“I do,” McGonagall said kindly. “But since you’re still uncertain, and after all, we still do not know if anything will come of their visit, let’s take a look at some other options for you, hmm? Your grades in Potions are exemplary, and Horace is always raving on about you at every staff meeting we have - you obviously have a lot to offer that field.”

Lily blushed at the praise. “Yes, I did consider Potions research briefly.”

“Only briefly?” McGonagall asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, alright, a lot,” Lily admitted. “But though I enjoy potions, I like Charms as well…maybe even more.”

“Ah, yes, Filius has a lot of good things to say about your work as well,” McGonagall agreed. “What captures your interest in that field? And why are you not as interested in a future within Potions?”

“Eh…other than the fact I enjoy the Potions classes less?” Lily shrugged.

McGonagall gave her a knowing look. “And how much is that due to the professor, rather than the field?”

Lily flushed sheepishly. “Sorry!” She said. “I mean, Professor Slughorn is a good teacher, but he can be so…so…overbearing! And he’s always playing favourites, putting all his focus on those he considers talented, while the rest of the class has to make due anyway, without any encouragement, when they are those who need it the most!”

“I am more than aware of Horace’s faults, as is the Headmaster,” McGonagall said, a small smile playing around her lips. “However, if you were to put all your opinions of your teacher’s aside, how does that make you feel?”

Lily shrugged. “I’m not sure. I mean, both fields are rather hands on, and my goal is to invent and discover new things, whether I end up doing Charms or Potions – unless I am offered that position with the Department of You-Know-What and I end up accepting it, in which case I’d get to do both...not to mention all the other fields of knowledge I’d get to pursue...” For a second, a wistful expression crossed her face, and McGonagall’s lips twitched.

“Well, I’d say you’ve already made up your mind,” she said. “To me, it is perfectly clear what you want, even with your doubts in your own abilities to handle the workload. And I don’t believe you have anything to worry about. The Department of… _You-Know-What_ would be crazy if they didn’t take you on, which, I think, they are perfectly aware of as well.” She stood up. “I see a bright future for you, Lily, and you have nothing to be worried about. I am certain, that whatever you decide to do – because, in the end, all I can do is advise – you will succeed.”

* * *

**10 March**

“How did your career advice go?” Sirius asked, lounging comfortably on the sofa by the fire, as Buffy re-entered the common room, back from her meeting with their Head of House.

Buffy shrugged. “It went. I’m pretty sure I’m going for Healing.”

“That’s great, Buffy,” James said. “Did she say how proud of you she was of you too? She told Sirius. And me. And even Peter. If Remus had been here to have his, I’m sure good old professor McG would have told him as well.”

“Eh…no, not in so many words no,” Buffy said. “She did mention she was impressed with how quickly I’ve grasped things; how far I’ve come in less than a year. Though I can hardly take credit for that – all of it is thanks to Remus, and you guys.”

“We’re just the teachers, you’re the one willing to learn,” James said. “Oh, did I mention McGonagall actually _hugged_ me after my meeting?”

“No!” Lily gasped in absolute shock. “Really?”

“Uh huh. I’ve never been so startled in my whole life. Well, except for when you agreed to let me date you,” James added, and Lily rolled her eyes. “Can you believe I’m actually going to miss the old cat when we graduate?” He said fondly.

“Yeah, me too…” Sirius said. “Do you remember that time we tied aluminium tins to her tail, when she was in her Animagus form? After slipping a Potion in her drink so she couldn’t transform back for several hours?”

James snickered. “Good times…”

“You’re so immature,” Lily muttered, shaking her head, but she was smiling.

“Hey, did you hear about the row Peter had with Samantha?” Buffy asked. “Sam spoke to me, she was really upset – she had no idea what she’d done wrong. Peter just blew his top for seemingly no reason.”

“No, I didn’t hear about that,” James frowned. “Come to think of it, I’ve barely seen Peter at all for the last few days…”

“Oh, I hope they’re not breaking up,” Lily said worriedly. “They look so good together.”

“I’m honestly surprised they’ve been together for as long as they have,” Sirius said. “I never thought Wormtail had it in him.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Peter said, entering through the portrait-hole, voice uncharacteristically cold.

“Peter! Where have you been?”

“Around,” Peter shrugged. “Well? Sirius?”

Sirius looked uncomfortable for a second. “I didn’t mean anything by it,” he muttered. “It was just a joke. And let’s face it; you’re not exactly every woman’s dream.”

“Compared to you, you mean?” Peter said, frowning.

“What’s gotten into you, Pete?” Sirius asked, bewildered. “Honestly, it was a joke. _Sirius_ -ly.” He tried to smirk, but it faltered when Peter didn’t move a muscle, and instead crossed his arms.

“I really don’t think you appreciate me enough,” he said.

Jaws dropped.

“Umm…Peter?” Lily asked worriedly. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah, man,” James agreed. “This isn’t like you. And of course we appreciate you! You’re our friend!”

Peter seemed to deflate. “I know,” he mumbled. “I just…never mind.” He smiled weakly. “I suppose I’m just a little stressed out, over NEWT:s, and Graduation, and the situation with Remus and all.”

“And the row with Samantha,” Buffy added kindly.

Peter frowned. “She told you? Really, it was nothing.”

“That might be so, but you still upset her,” Buffy said.

“I know. And before you tell me to, I was just in her common room, and apologized. Don’t worry, we’re still together,” he told them, to their relief. Samantha was good for Peter, in several ways. 

“I’m glad,” Lily said. “She really likes you.”

Peter smiled wearily. “I really like her too.” He rubbed his face tiredly. “You know what; I think I’ll just head to bed.”

“Goodnight!”

“’Night.”

“Have you all sent of your presents to Remus?” Buffy asked. 

“Of course,” James said.

“First thing I did this morning,” Sirius nodded.

“As did I,” Lily said, sighing. “It’s going to feel so weird…graduating, I mean, without him.”

Buffy began to nod, only to freeze, as a sudden thought crossed her mind. “Hang on! Who’s saying he can’t graduate with us?” she exclaimed.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Sirius snorted. “He quit school, remember?”

“I know, but he didn’t quit his education!” Buffy said, excited. “I mean, we are sending all our assignments to him, he’s reading all the textbooks; he’s doing the same things we do here…only at home. Really, in a way he’s being home-schooled, except for the being schooled part. It’s more like an individual study, really. And you don’t have to go to Hogwarts to be eligible for NEWT:s! He can take them anyway! And if Remus takes his NEWT:s, there’s nothing that says he can’t graduate with us!”

“Except the fact that he’s not a student here,” Lily reminded her.

“Oh…” Buffy’s face fell.

“But you’re right – he can take his NEWT:s, and that’s really all that matters,” Lily continued. “I’m sure we could convince Dumbledore to arrange for Remus to be here. He has been a student for six and a half years, he has continued his Hogwarts’ education, only in another place than Hogwarts – really, he has as much right to graduate as any of us! Besides, graduation is just a stupid ceremony anyway. I’m sure it wouldn’t take much to convince the Headmaster to allow Remus to join us.”

“Well, then what are we waiting for?” James exclaimed, rising to his feet. “Let’s go ask McGonagall to borrow her floo – I’m sure she won’t mind – so we can talk to Remus and cheer him up!”

* * *

Remus sighed, closing the door to his parents’ - no, only his mother’s, now - bedroom behind him, leaning his head against the wood tiredly. Had it only been a little over a week since the funeral? It felt like years.

When they’d gotten home from the funeral service, Remus and Dana had gotten a rather nasty shock: Nothing had been cleaned up. Which meant that the first thing that met their eyes when they opened the door to the house had been a hallway splattered with blood. And the _smell…_ The only thing separating the bloody mess from them was some of the tape Aurors used to seal off a crime scene from civilians.

His mother had gone into complete hysterics, which quickly turned into a full blown panic attack, which had been the only thing keeping Remus’ from breaking down as well. Someone had to be strong. He still wasn’t sure how he’d managed to get Dana out of the house and into the car – he thought he’d finally had to stun her, but he wasn’t sure – before walking back into the building and cleaning up the mess – remains of his _father_ \- on his own. 

He was still having nightmares, and he still couldn’t walk past the hallway without shuddering, and walking in and out of the house was a burden – each time, he had to fight the reflex to gag, knowing he was _walking on the very place_ his father had been torn apart. The fact that he’d redone the entire hallway with magic – vanishing all the furniture that had been there, and replacing the colors – didn’t help at all. He still knew _that_ was where it had happened.

Maybe he should sell it and get a new house for them, to start anew. But that too felt wrong, because this place was filled with so many memories, good and bad. His father had built the cottage, and selling it now would feel like a betrayal. It was one of the few things he still had left that could remind him of him.

Rubbing his eyes tiredly, Remus walked into the kitchen, automatically pouring himself a cup of tea. Everything was done automatically, nowadays, it seemed. Everything was a routine, from the moment he woke up, until the moment he went to bed. His mother seemed to be in some sort of denial – maybe she’d blocked the events from her head completely: 

She still believed he was his father, and whenever Remus explained that he was _Remus,_ and that Jonathan was dead (or gone, since she didn’t seem to comprehend the meaning behind the word ‘death,’ at the moment) and wouldn’t come back, she’d break down. This scene took place every time he stepped into her room. Remus was beginning to wonder if it wouldn’t be better to pretend he _was_ his father, if only to spare her the pain…

Sitting down by the kitchen table, Remus reached for one of the many as of yet unopened birthday packages from his friends, which had all arrived earlier that day through Owl post, only to grimace when he saw the bills left by the Muggle mail man, laying beside them. Though the cottage was theirs, they still had to pay for heating, electricity and hot water, since it was built through muggle means. Magic didn’t cut it, since the house wasn’t built to be maintained that way. It had been a favor for his mother to live their lives as ‘Muggle’ as possible, since she’d never really been comfortable with the ‘supernatural.’ Now, Remus wished more than ever it wasn’t so. 

His dad had had insurance, but the sum they’d gotten was certainly not anything to brag about, and from Remus’ calculations, it would all be gone in a few months, maybe less. He wasn’t sure what it cost to take care of a baby, once his little sister, or brother, arrived, but he knew it wasn’t cheap. 

The only way they’d be able to make it was if Remus took a job somewhere, but who’d hire him? Since he’d thought his prospects _after_ Graduation looked grim, what about _before?_ He’d quit school, he had nothing to show for six and a half years at Hogwarts, other than his OWL:s and everyone knew it was the NEWT:s that mattered. His education in the Muggle World was nil, if you didn’t count kindergarden and pre-school, and he doubted anyone did. 

And if, by some miracle, he _was_ hired…well, who’d take care of his mother? He would never be able to afford hired help. And when the baby came…he’d have another body to care for, because he doubted his mother would be in any state to do so…if she even survived the delivery – and the chances for that looked less and less with each passing day, considering his mother’s state, both mental and physical, only seemed to deteriorate. He hated to admit it, but he’d gotten in way over his head and Remus had no idea how to fix it.

Suddenly, there was a whooshing sound from the fireplace in the living room, and Remus’ stood up.

“Remus!”

Remus forced up a smile. “Hey, guys.”

Sirius, James, Buffy and Lily's heads were all floating in the fireplace, all of them beaming at him, for some reason.

“You look like shit,” Sirius stated, and Remus couldn’t help it – he broke down laughing in a heap on the floor, and he couldn’t seem to stop. He didn’t even know _why_ he was laughing – Sirius’ statement hadn’t been _that_ funny. His laughter turned into choking sobs, which he desperately tried to hide from his friends. To no avail, if their expression was any indication.

“Re? Remus?” Buffy’s voice sounded frantic. ”Alright, that’s it, I’m coming through!”

“McGonagall told us we weren’t allowed to go there, only talk to him!” he heard Lily protest. 

“I know what McGonagall said, Lily, and I don’t care!” Buffy snapped. “He needs me…move it!”

The fireplace flared up, and the next second, Buffy was there, holding him tight, rocking him back and forth like a child. Remus couldn’t stop it anymore – the tears he’d been holding back ever since the funeral streamed down his cheeks and he cried like a baby.

“Shh…it’s okay. Everything’s…going to be…okay…” 

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Remus confessed between sobs. “I feel so _overwhelmed…_ it’s like I can’t breathe!”

“I know,” Buffy comforted, closing her eyes and a tear of her own making its escape. “I know. But you don’t have to carry the burden all by yourself. I’m here, okay? I’m here now. We’re soulmates, remember? Your pain is my pain, my life is your life. We share _everything._ And I’m _never_ leaving you.”

“But I feel so lost,” Remus gasped, clutching Buffy against him like a lifeline. If she hadn’t been the Slayer, he’d probably have crushed a couple of ribs. As it was, Buffy didn’t even blink an eyelid. Remus knew he should pull away – he knew he should force Buffy to go back to Hogwarts: She was so much better off without him. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It was selfish of him, he knew that – he knew letting her back into his life would only end with him hurting him. But he needed her, and right now, she was the only thing holding him together.

“I know,” Buffy said in a soothing voice. “But I’m your…compass now, alright? I’ll show you the way, one step at a time, okay? Re?”

“O-okay,” Remus choked out, and Buffy nodded.

“Good. I love you, Re. I love you. You’ll get through this. _We’ll_ get through this. You’re not alone, okay? You’re not alone.”

* * *

**Published:** 06/05 -15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Ed Westwick as Regulus Black and Romola Garai as Samantha Lowell.


	27. Believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in Roads Travelled. Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**24 March**

Remus shuddered, wrapping the frayed blanket tighter around him, looking anxiously up at the rising full moon which shone through the bars of the basement window. His heart thumped wildly in his chest – he didn’t want to admit it, least of all to himself, but he was scared. 

It had been a long time since he faced the full moon alone, and he had no idea how Moony was going to react. Especially due to all the emotional stress he’d gone through this past month – he had no doubt his so-called “inner-wolf” would be able to sense his pain and would react accordingly.

It had been two weeks since Buffy’s impromptu visit through the fireplace, and though the Slayer had made him feel temporarily better, that soon had gone away. Every day in his house – he couldn’t call it home anymore, despite the memories it contained - was a battle. 

His mother did nothing but cry and rage and sleep, barely eating – Remus had to force feed her. And that was between the spells of complete delirium: She still thought he was his father – her brain was somehow in denial, having shut down, refusing to accept, or even acknowledge the fact that Jonathan was gone.

He let out a strangled gasp as he could feel the change come over him.

Skin ripped, fangs elongated, fur sprouted and limbs changed, his bones shattering and reshaping themselves into the body of Moony. A tail grew from his cracking spine, his eyes turned into burning amber, and Remus let go.

Moony howled.

* * *

**25 March**

“This was a stupid idea,” Peter muttered, staring at the Marauder’s Map for any sign of Filch – a feat, since he was at the same time trying to keep pace with James, Sirius, Buffy and Lily – all five of them trying to fit under James’ invisibility cloak. Needless to say, impossible, considering they weren’t exactly tiny first years anymore. 

“Let’s just take the cloak off, James,” Lily sighed. “With that map of yours, it’s unlikely we’ll get caught anyway, and this is uncomfortable.”

“I second that notion,” Buffy said, James’ elbow having met her face too many times to count, and Sirius stamping on her toes too many times to count, and Peter, accidentally bumping into her back too many times to count.

“Fine.” James pulled the cloak off of them, stuffing it down into a pocket on the inside of his robes, putting an arm around Lily’s shoulders, his hair even more messed up from having worn the cloak. “You’re right – this is far more comfortable.” He grinned at his girlfriend, who only rolled her eyes at him.

“Why did all of us have to go?” Peter complained, rubbing his eyes tiredly, after stuffing down the map in one of his pockets. “We’re more likely to get caught!”

Four pairs of eyes glared at him. “You wanted to come didn’t you?” Sirius asked. “You said that when we planned this, anyway.”

Peter’s shoulders slumped. “I know. And I do want to be here, I just haven’t gotten much sleep lately, that’s all.”

“We’re all worried about Remus,” Buffy reminded him. “That’s why we’re sneaking into Hogsmeade for chocolate we can send him, what with the full moon being tonight.”

Peter just nodded, not telling them that worry over Remus wasn’t why he had trouble sleeping: Remus had been the last thing on his mind lately. Ever since his latest encounter with Regulus, Peter hadn’t been able to get what he said out of his head. And he hadn’t been the only one to point out the fact that his ‘friends’ were using him. Snape had too. And though he may not like either of the two Slytherins, Peter felt they had a point. He really was underappreciated. 

Even Samantha didn’t fully understand how he felt – she was so busy planning for her future, and ever since their fight, things had been a little tense. Peter felt left out, forgotten by all, and he didn’t like it. He wanted to speak to his friends about it, but he had a feeling they wouldn’t take his worries seriously, and try to laugh them away.

But Peter didn’t think his worries were a laughing matter – friendship wasn’t a laughing matter, and for a long time, he’d felt neglected by the rest of the Marauders. Ever since the start of their seventh year, maybe even before that. Did Regulus have a point? Would he be better off without them?

“Peter, check the map,” James said. “Is the coast still clear?”

Peter sighed, pulling out the map of his pocket, glancing down at it. “Yea – wait – Filch is coming!”

“What?” James hissed. “You were supposed to keep an eye on him!” He began to pull the cloak out again, only to be stopped by Lily, who looked resigned to her fate.

“Leave it, James – it won’t cover all of us, anyway.”

“Did you hear that, my sweet,” Filch could be heard saying from around the corner. “Students out of bed.” Mrs. Norris let out a loud purr in agreement.

“Clean the map, moron! Put it away” Sirius hissed at Peter, who winced, but did as he was told. Unfortunately, he didn’t have the time to put it into a pocket, because in that moment, Filch rounded the corner.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” Filch said, grinning widely, showing of all of his yellowed teeth. “Gryffindors.”

“Lily and I are Head Boy and Girl,” James said, straightening. “We have the right to be out of bed – corridor patrol.”

“That might be true,” Filch said, grin becoming even wider. “But they don’t.” He pointed at Peter, Sirius and Buffy. “Detention, for all of you.”

“We were just escorting them back to Gryffindor tower,” Lily lied. “There’s no need for detention, we’ve already taken points.”

Filch tssked. “But loss of points doesn’t seem to teach them not to do it again,” he said. “And – “ He paused, catching sight of the Marauder’s Map, thankfully empty, in Peter’s hand. “What is that?”

“It’s just a piece of parchment,” Peter said, shakily handing it over when Filch held out his hand for it. 

“Oh?” Filch said raising an eyebrow. “Then you don’t mind if I destroy it, do you?” He grabbed a side each of the parchment and made a slight motion, as though he was going to rip it in two, only to be interrupted by five voices:

“NO!”

Filch’s eyes gleamed with glee, and the five Gryffindors winced in unison. “Just a piece of parchment, huh?” He repeated. “I don’t think so. This is far more likely to be a highly dangerous object, which should be on my list of forbidden items.” He stuffed the map inside his robes, and out of sight.

James looked as though he wanted nothing more than to knock the unkempt-looking caretaker out cold, grab the map, and run for his life.

“And it is obvious you two are in on whatever it is,” he added, pointing at James and Lily. “Head Boy and Head Girl or not, dangerous items are not allowed. Detention, for you two as well. Now, get back to bed – Mrs. Norris will escort you, won’t you, my sweet?” Filch asked, leaning down to rub the ugly cat behind her ears. Mrs. Norris purred in contentment.

The five Gryffindors began their walk back to the tower, Mrs. Norris at their heels, eyes gleaming in the dark. Without chocolate, and one Marauder’s Map short.

“Brilliant work, Wormtail, really, brilliant,” Sirius said sarcastically.

Peter held his tongue, wanting to retort the loss of the map wasn’t just his fault, but didn’t.

“Can I kick her?” James begged Lily, nodding towards the vindictive cat, once they reached the portrait hole. “Just this once, please?”

“No,” Lily said. “The portraits have eyes and ears, you know, and I don’t want to think about what Filch would do to you if he found out you harmed his precious cat.”

“You mean you’d let me if there was no portrait in sight?” James said hopefully, only to get smacked in the head for his efforts. “Apparently not…”

* * *

His throat hurt. His head hurt. His body hurt.

Remus opened his eyes, only to shut them again as pain surged through his entire body. He forced himself up into a sitting position, his hand landing in a pool of wetness. 

Blood.

His blood.

The pain was turning into a pleasant numbness, but Remus knew, that even though it was a nice change from the previous pain and despair, it was hardly good news. Shakily, he pressed his hand to his stomach which was bleeding profusely, surrounding him with blood. His vision was swimming out of focus.

Blissful darkness.

* * *

“Remus?” Poppy Pomfrey stepped out through the fireplace, looking around the messy living room. “Albus sent me to check on you. Are you alright?”

Everything was silent, and Poppy was filled with a sense of dread. She walked into the kitchen, knocking on the door leading down to the basement. “Remus?”

Still no answer.

“Remus, I’m coming down!” A spell quickly opened the door and the school nurse was immediately hit with the overwhelming stench of blood. “Oh, sweet Merlin…”

* * *

**27 March**

The portrait to the Gryffindor common room slammed open and Mary and Madeleine McDonald stepped through, looking around excitedly. “Did you know?” One of the twins asked the Marauders, who were sitting in their usual corner, talking quietly.

“Know what?” James asked, fingering his party-hat morosely. Though it was his birthday, none of his friends – or himself, for that matter – had felt much like celebrating, though they’d still tried to get in the spirit of things…but failed miserably. Alcohol might have helped, but without the map, it was becoming increasingly difficult to avoid detection enough to get the amount needed.

“Remus is back at Hogwarts!” The other twin said, jumping up and down.

“What?!” Buffy asked, standing up. “Where did you hear that?”

“Just now. We heard McGonagall and Pomfrey talk about it when we passed the Hospital Wing. Apparently, he’s in a rather bad shape for some reason…you don’t think it was another attack, do you? And why is he here, and not at St. Mungos? Hey, where are you going?!” The first twin asked, as all the Marauders tore past her, racing out of the common room.

“I can’t believe they didn’t tell us he was here!” Lily said, wringing her hands as they raced down the corridors. “And I can’t believe we didn’t think to ask! How could we not ask? We knew it was the full moon two days ago, and with things as they are, of course he’d be torn up!”

Finally they reached the hospital wing, where they were stopped in their steps by Poppy. “Out!” She demanded. “Remus needs rest!”

“He also needs his friends!” Sirius countered, trying to look over the Matron’s shoulder. “What’s wrong with him?”

Poppy pursed her lips. “What isn’t?” She answered. 

“Why didn’t anyone tell us he was here?” James demanded to know.

“We have all been rather busy, what with trying to save his life,” Professor McGonagall said, stepping out of the hospital wing to stand beside Poppy. “He was in very bad shape.”

“You had no right to keep this from us!” Buffy protested.

“In fact, we do,” Poppy said, gazing at them sympathetically. “I understand you’re upset, but it was Remus himself who told us not to tell you, the moment he regained consciousness. I expect he didn’t want you to worry.”

Sirius snorted. “Yeah, right. It’s more likely he’s trying to distance himself from us – again!”

“Is he awake now?” Peter wondered.

McGonagall looked annoyed. “Yes, but – “

“It’s alright,” a scratchy voice said. “They might as well come inside.”

The Marauders needed no more encouragement. They raced inside, only to stop in a sort of horrid fascination, as they caught sight of Remus.

“Remus, what happened to you?” Lily said, green eyes swelling over with tears.

“Moony happened,” Remus said, fingering the bandages covering his head almost bashfully. “He wasn’t very happy.”

“But it’s been two days!” Peter piped up. “Haven’t you usually healed by this time?”

Remus shrugged, wincing slightly. “The wounds aren’t usually this deep. It’s been ages since I tore myself up – the last time it happened, it was Buffy-induced.” He smiled at his girlfriend, who grinned back, trying not to cry, knowing that would only make Remus feel bad. “So, what’s going on at Hogwarts?” He asked, changing the subject.

“Well…” James looked sheepish. “We lost the map. Filch has it.”

“What?” Remus yelled, jerking up in shock, barely registering the pain tearing through his waist. “How did that happen?”

“REMUS JOHN LUPIN!” Poppy exclaimed shrilly, stomping over. “I have told you time and time again to lie still! Now look what you’ve done – you tore your wounds open – again!”

“Sorry…” Remus apologized weakly.

The Marauders stared, pale, as Remus slowly began to bleed through the bandages covering his entire front.

“Everyone, out!” Poppy demanded. “And you – don’t move a muscle!”

“Yes, Poppy,” Remus said, falling back against the pillows, feeling faint. “I don’t feel so good,” he slurred.

“No wonder,” Poppy said, sighing. “You just managed to undo all the repair and healing you’ve managed these last two days in a matter of seconds.”

“Is my mother alright?” Remus asked, swallowing back the bile rising in his throat. Merlin, he felt so sick… “She shouldn’t be alone.”

“McGonagall is checking in on her, and Albus has some of his connections doing the same, she’s fine,” Poppy said. “Now be silent, and let me help you, before you manage to harm yourself even worse. And didn’t I tell you to get out?” She snapped at the Marauders, who were all still standing in the doorway.

“We want to stay,” Sirius protested.

“Please, leave,” Remus begged, voice weak. “You can come back later, alright?”

Buffy sighed, knowing that if Remus asked them to, she couldn’t in good conscience refuse, especially with him hurt. “Alright. Come on, guys.”

“But – “ James began to protest, but was dragged out by the ear by Lily. “Ow, Lily, OW!”

Remus couldn’t help but smile wistfully at the familiar scene – he wished he could join them. It wasn’t that he regretted his choice to stay at home with his mother, it was just difficult. But things weren’t the same as they once had been. They never would be.

* * *

**2 April**

Sirius was impatiently looking around for Mandy in the library – the most likely place the Ravenclaw could be found at, other than her common room, or in his (favourite place) arms. 

Planning the Marauders’ prank for April’s fools (which then hadn’t happened, because all the Marauders had agreed at the last second that pulling a prank without Remus there was just wrong and completely sacrilegious), not to mention moping over Remus’ absence, had taken up a lot of his time: He hadn’t seen much of his girlfriend lately, only between classes – an issue Sirius planned on correcting immediately. 

Finally, he saw her in a corner of the library, laughing at something her study partner had said. Sirius was just about to walk forward and interrupt, when he realised that Mandy’s study partner was a guy.

A good looking guy.

A good looking, _funny_ guy – Mandy still hadn’t stopped laughing.

A good looking funny guy, who, from his robes to judge, was also a Ravenclaw, and therefore got to see Mandy every day. And since they were studying together, Sirius guessed he was in the same year as her, which meant he also got to spend almost every class with her.

A good looking funny, Ravenclaw, sixth year guy, who was currently smiling very charmingly at _his_ girlfriend.

Sirius stalked forward, an angry frown between his eyebrows. 

“Oh, Sirius!” Mandy looked up, smiling brightly, finally stopping her laughing. “Hi! Lucan, this is Sirius Black, my boyfriend. Sirius, this is Lucan Davis, one of my best friends.”

“Nice to meet you,” Lucan said, sticking out a hand to the Gryffindor, who only glanced at it dismissively, not taking it.

“Do you have a moment?” Sirius asked Mandy, who was now frowning at him.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be right back,” she told Lucan, who had retracted his hand. 

“Actually, she won’t,” Sirius said. “I’m sure you understand.” He smiled falsely at Lucan, who was staring at him in complete bewilderment, before dragging Mandy with him, out of the library.

“What is wrong with you?” Mandy seethed, the moment they exited.

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked innocently.

“You were incredibly rude to Lucan!” Mandy exploded, putting her hands on her hips. “I can’t believe you!”

“I wasn’t rude!” Sirius protested. “In fact, I was very civil, all things considered.”

Mandy stared at him as though he had just grown a second head. “What are you on about?” She demanded to know, eyes shooting lightning bolts of suppressed anger. “Lucan hasn’t done anything to deserve your scorn!

“Oh, please,” Sirius scoffed. “He so wanted to get into your pants!”

Mandy was completely speechless. “Excuse me, what?”

“You heard me.” Sirius crossed his arms and let an eyebrow rise. “He totally has the hots for you.”

Mandy was slowly growing a very, very reddish purple. “How dare you?” She hissed. “Lucan is one of my best friends, and he definitely does _not_ want to get into my pants. You’re just jealous!”

“Jealous?” Sirius asked, letting out a bark of laughter. “I am not jealous; I am only looking out for your best interest.”

“Yeah, right,” Mandy said with scorn. “Like that’s what this is about. Look, Sirius, I appreciate you looking out for me, or whatever, but Lucan is a friend, and your only issue is that he happens to be a pretty good looking guy!”

“Aha!” Sirius said triumphantly, pointing a finger at her. “You just admitted you think he’s good-looking!”

“This is getting ridiculous,” Mandy huffed. “Believe what you want, but I’m not listening to this.” She began to turn around, only to be stopped by Sirius’ voice.

“And what are those looks about, anyway?” The Gryffindor continued. “Long, dark hair, a charming smile, expressive eyes – he’s practically me, only slightly younger! Maybe it’s _you_ who have the hots for _him,_ but because he’s not interested, you settled for _me!”_

Mandy froze in her tracks, and she spun back around, facing Sirius, fists clenched tightly against her sides. Sirius realized that maybe he had gone too far when he saw the look in her eyes. “If that’s what you think,” Mandy said, all too calmly, “then you really aren’t the person I thought you were. Maybe I _would_ be better off with Lucan! At least he trusts me!”

Sirius couldn’t help it. “So you admit to liking him then?” He asked victoriously.

Mandy’s eyes grew colder than the North Pole. “I do not have to stand here and take this, Sirius,” she said. “In fact, as of now, I am no longer your girlfriend, and I don’t want anything to do with you! Just stay away from me.” And with that, she turned on her heel and stalked back into the library, leaving Sirius standing outside, wondering what the Hell he had just done.

* * *

**4 April**

“You’re an idiot,” James told his best friend for what seemed like the millionth time during the last forty-eight hours. 

Sirius glared at him. “I’ve heard that quite a few times now Prongs, so kindly shut up,” he said moodily.

“Well, I mean it,” James continued, ignoring Sirius’ request. “Mandy Walker was probably the best thing to ever happen to you, and you threw it all away, just because she happened to be studying with a bloke that isn’t you.”

“Like you wouldn’t be jealous if it was Lily,” Sirius shot back.

James rolled his eyes. “Of course I’d be jealous, but at least I’d admit that, rather than turn it all around to be _her_ fault. Your inability to think before acting is going to be your downfall, you know.”

Sirius stared moodily into his breakfast, before glancing over to the Ravenclaw table, where Mandy was sitting – with Lucan – laughing widely at something he’d just said, throwing her hair over her shoulder.

Such a funny guy, that Lucan Davis.

He sighed. 

“You’re better off without her, Padfoot,” Peter said, trying to comfort his friend. “She’s already moving on, it seems – with Lucan too, so maybe you did have a point.”

“Not really making me feel better, Pete,” Sirius told him.

“Just apologize,” James sighed. “Maybe you’ll manage to patch things up.”

Sirius pursed his lips together. “Nope, not happening. I’ve still got some pride.”

James shook his head, clearly not agreeing with Sirius’ reasoning. “Suit yourself. I still think you’re an idiot, though.”

Their conversation was interrupted by the owls carrying the morning post, today bearing more letters than usual.

James, Sirius, and most of the rest of the school paled at this, knowing what it meant: Getting a black letter meant someone you knew had passed away.

* * *

“A lot of post today,” Lily muttered to Buffy and Samantha, the two Gryffindors having joined the Hufflepuff by her table for breakfast. The redhead accepted the ‘Daily Prophet’ from the barn owl, gasping as she saw the headline:

ATTACK ON HUNDREDS OF WIZARDING HOMES: YOU-KNOW-WHO IS GETTING BOLDER

“Oh, no,” Buffy whispered, her heart sinking, especially as several people around the Great Hall, burst into tears: Apparently, the reason for the massive amount of letters were because they were the bearers of bad news.

“SILENCE, PLEASE!” Dumbledore said, standing up, and calling the student body’s attention to him. “As you have now been made aware of, either from the ‘Daily Prophet’ or from letters from the Ministry, or relatives, Britain has been dealt yet another severe blow from Voldemort.”

The Hall flinched.

“It is a tragedy we are facing,” the Headmaster continued solemnly. “A majority of you have today lost someone you know dearly, and it is imperative that we stand together in these trying times. Be there for each other. Look to your friends for comfort. Today’s classes will be cancelled in honour of the deceased – they are all in our hearts today, and will never be forgotten. Thank you.” Dumbledore sat down, and Buffy glanced over at the Gryffindor table. 

“Want to head back over?”

Lily nodded. “Yes. We should be with our House.”

“I’ll come with you,” Samantha said quietly, also rising to her feet and following the two girls back to the Gryffindor table, to be with Peter.

Sirius glanced back over at the Ravenclaw table, wishing that he’d never been so stupid as to make her break up with him in the first place. Mandy currently had an arm wrapped around Lucan’s shoulders, whispering something in his ear, and when Sirius saw the boy’s blank look in his eyes as he stared down at a letter in his hands, all jealousy disappeared. 

Sirius swallowed. Life was too precious to be wasted with petty emotions, he realised. He wished he could go over there, to apologize. But he also realised now was not the right time.

* * *

The Marauders were sitting in their usual corner in the Gryffindor common room, which was packed with people – James reckoned every Gryffindor from all years were here, no one wishing to be alone. This had been the scene for hours now, ever since breakfast, no one doing much, other than what Dumbledore had asked them to do – to be there for each other.

Buffy and Lily were currently comforting a group of crying first years, and Samantha was currently composing a letter home, presumably to check that everything was alright with her little brother and father.

“I’m heading to the kitchens,” Peter said, standing up suddenly.

The others stared at him in surprise. “Seriously, Peter, now?” James asked, looking around at the mourning students. “Not the best time to scatter, don’t you think?”

Peter looked highly uncomfortable, dragging a hand through his thin hair. “I realize that,” he said, gulping, “but I don’t deal very well with this stuff. I can’t handle it. I’m sorry.” He fled, the sound the portrait made when it shut behind him, echoing in the silent room.

“I can’t believe he’d be so selfish,” Sirius muttered, looking down at his hands, wishing more than ever Remus was still here – Remus' very presence had always been calming, and he always knew how to make a person feel better.

“I understand him,” James sighed tiredly. “But yeah, quite tactless.”

“What if they come here?” A fourth year girl named Leslie Grey suddenly burst out, standing up from her seat, tears streaming down her face hysterically. “What if You-Know-Who comes here, with his followers and kills us all? He just decimated a huge part of the Wizarding World in one blow! What’s stopping him? I lost my entire family – practically the entire school lost somebody today. It’s just a matter of time before he takes over, and NO ONE IS STOPPING HIM!” She finished, her voice raising several octaves. 

Unfortunately, it seemed her hysteria was contagious, because soon, the entire Gryffindor population was yelling at each other, more and more people bursting into unstoppable tears, crying for deceased parents, siblings, friends, and generally panicking.

“We’ve got to do something!” Lily hissed, having rejoined the Marauders in the corner with Buffy, when Grey’s outburst had managed to undo whatever calm the two girls had managed to bring the group of first years. “They’re freaking out!”

James didn’t answer – instead, he stood up, and let out a loud whistle that echoed even over the shouts and cries in the room, that startled everyone and made them stop. 

“Alright!” He cried when he had all their attention. “I understand things are difficult – “

The room immediately returned to its previous frenzy.

“I UNDERSTAND THINGS ARE DIFFICULT!” James repeated, his yelling so loud it stopped the noise level once again. “Thank you. You, Grey, isn’t it? What’s your first name?”

“Leslie,” the fourth year said quietly, looking down at her shoes.

“Alright, Leslie. You said you lost your entire family in this attack,” James said, and Leslie nodded.

“Yes. My mum, dad and my baby brother.”

“I’m very sorry,” James said kindly. “Look, I’m not going to tell you I know how it feels to lose a sibling, or a parent, because it hasn’t happened to me, at least not yet, something I am eternally grateful for. And this is not going to be a speech where I tell you all to suck it up, because we’re Gryffindors, and we don’t get scared. That would be a lie, and would also make me a complete hypocrite, because I’m scared too.”

He now had the room’s complete attention.

“I’m scared everyday that something will happen to the people I care about, because I know how awful this war is,” James continued. “Two of my friends have already been affected personally; one left school because of it, and I don’t doubt more will get hurt. But we can’t let that beat us – we can’t give up hope, because that would mean Voldemort would win, and contrary to what you believe; contrary to the information you’ve heard reported and the helplessness you feel when you get that knowledge, he is not unbeatable.”

“But – “ Leslie burst out, but was stopped by James holding up a hand.

“Voldemort is powerful. In fact, he’s probably just as powerful as Grindelwald, if not more, and yes, he has a lot of followers. And yes, he did just lay waste to a large part of the Wizarding World, but he will not take it over. And that, I promise you. How do I know this?” James asked, spreading his arms. 

“I know this because there are people out there – some Aurors, and some, everyday people, like you and me, fighting against him and everything he stands for, every day, every hour, despite how bad things get. I know this because as long as those people continue to fight, and as long as we continue to believe in them, he cannot win. As long as we don’t give up, he won’t win. Because with every life he manages to take, a fire will be lit, somewhere, in someone.” 

The silence was so thick it could be cut with a knife.

“Hogwarts’ school motto is to ‘Never Tickle A Sleeping Dragon’ and I am telling you now, we _are_ that dragon,” James said, hazel eyes burning brightly. “Justice will be served, one way or another, and I for one will see it served. The moment I graduate, I will be on the frontlines, fighting. That I swear to you. Yes, it might kill me, yes, it will scare me, but I will do it anyway, knowing that if I die, at least I didn’t die quietly, hiding under my bed,” James voice was determined, fierce, moving, and to the Gryffindors listening, it was precisely the sound they needed to hear: Someone not telling them empty platitudes, but someone sincere, who _believed_ in themselves, and in the world – in the light.

“There will always be people out there, trying to do the right thing. Always. I know I am not alone. Neither are you. Because though things are bad right now, Hell, though things are awful right now, we still have _each other,”_ James said, gesturing around him. “We are stronger united than we are apart, never forget that. And never forget the lives taken, never forget your dead friends, siblings or parents, and don’t scorn their memory by giving up. Honour them, the way they deserve to be honoured, by holding your head high and your back straight and with _hope_ in your heart, because they are _heroes._ Are you?” James finished, sitting back down, seeming rather shocked at himself.

Lily was staring at her boyfriend in wonder, as were the rest of his friends, and the rest of the students, once they broke out of the trance James had managed to put them in, felt lighter, hopeful.

“I love you,” Lily whispered. “I really, really love you,” she repeated, and James grinned, ruffling up his hair embarrassedly.

“I had no idea what I was saying,” he admitted ruefully, face beet red.

“Well, I’d say you said what needed to be said, and more,” Buffy said, grinning widely. “Hell, you were awe inspiring.”

“I’m not sure I like being awe inspiring,” James said, scrunching up his nose. “I felt like I was on display up there.”

“But I thought you liked attention?” Samantha asked.

James shrugged. “Not that much attention – not all at once, and not that kind. They were all looking up to me like I was some kind of…of…”

“…Champion?” Lily suggested, and James’ shoulders slumped. “Saviour? Hero?”

“Yeah,” he agreed.

“Well, you are,” Lily said, putting her head in his lap. “Whether you wanted them to or not, these students look up to you, now more than ever.”

“Not entirely sure I feel comfortable with that,” James muttered, shaking his head.

“That just means you really are one – a hero, not just someone sprouting of for the sake of it, because they wish they were,” Lily said.

“Like that Gilderoy Lockhart – he was a few years ahead of us, remember?” Sirius said, chortling.

James and Lily groaned. “Unfortunately.”

“Remember that time you coloured his hair green and had him sprout boils, James” Sirius snickered. “He was so horrified – he refused to come out of his room until it wore off, and that took a week!”

“A week which he did not spend stalking me – he had a crush on me, the reason you pranked him in the first place, I suspect,” Lily said, smiling up at James knowingly.

“Eh…” James blushed, remembering what a jealous berk he could be. Really, no better than Sirius, only he hadn’t been dating Lily at the time.

“My hero,” Lily mumbled at him sleepily.

* * *

**5 April**

Sirius took a deep breath before approaching the lone Ravenclaw, sitting by the same table he’d last found him at…with Mandy. “Hey, eh, Lucan, right?” Sirius said, scratching his head awkwardly, shuffling with his feet.

Lucan looked up, eyes narrowed, a guarded expression on his face. “Yeah?”

Sirius didn’t quite know what to say: The boy looked awful, dark circles surrounding his eyes, as though he hadn’t slept well in days. He belatedly remembered that Lucan had been one of those who’d gotten a letter the day before, and he wished he’d waited a couple of days for things to settle down. This obviously wasn’t the best time. “I’m…eh…sorry, for your loss.”

The other dark haired boy – who did hold some likeness to Sirius, but his face was overall a lot softer, less aristocratic, with none of the pureblood lineage you could see flow through Sirius’ veins – swallowed. “Thanks. Was there anything else?”

Sirius gnawed on his lower lip. This was so awkward, and he wanted nothing more than to walk away, but if he did, he knew he’d never do what he came here to do. “Yeah. Look, I’m sorry. I said some…stuff about you yesterday, mean stuff, and I’m sorry.”

Lucan shrugged. “It’s alright. Besides,” he blew out a sharp breath, “it’s not me you need to apologize to. It’s Mandy. I don’t know you, other than from the rumours, but from her rant after your visit yesterday, I guess you’re jealous of our closeness.”

Sirius flushed.

“Nothing to be ashamed of,” Lucan assured him, dragging a hand through his long hair. “Mandy is good-looking, and if I were in your shoes, I’d probably be jealous too.”

“Do you?” Sirius blurted out, “do you wish you were in my shoes?”

Lucan smiled tiredly. “Not particularly. Mandy’s my best friend. But I’m not…physically attracted to her. She’s almost like a sister.”

“Oh,” Sirius let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Good. I mean, not good, but…good.”

Lucan’s lips twitched.

“Sirius?” A voice said incredulously, and Sirius spun around, coming face to face with an irate looking Mandy. “What are you doing here? Haven’t you done enough?”

“It’s alright, M,” Lucan spoke up. “We were just talking.”

Mandy glared at Sirius. “It’s more likely he was interrogating you,” she muttered, walking past Sirius.

“Mandy…” Sirius began, “I’m – “

“ – Don’t, Sirius,” Mandy interrupted, sighing, and settling down beside Lucan, opening a book. “Just don’t. Not now. I’m not in the mood for this today. Just go.”

Sirius’ shoulders slumped, and he shuffled out of the library, looking like a kicked puppy.

“That was unnecessarily harsh,” he could hear Lucan say. “He actually came to – “

“ – Stay out of it, Lucan,” Mandy sighed. “I know you mean well, but this is for the best. We wouldn’t have worked out in the long run anyway.”

Sirius broke into a run, unable to stop the tears that threatened to overflow.

* * *

**7 April**

“Great!” Sirius said, slapping Buffy on the back. The two Gryffindors were once again in the Room of Requirement, Sirius tutoring Buffy in the ways of fighting with magic, and both letting off some well-need steam: Sirius and Mandy were still on the outs, the Ravenclaw not giving Sirius any attention. And Buffy was missing Remus, and angry that she could do very little to help him. “You have much better control over your spells now.”

Buffy grimaced. “Yeah, well, doesn’t help much when I still feel hesitant in firing.”

“And that’s something I don’t get!” Sirius exclaimed. “You have no trouble kicking someone’s arse physically, but you don’t want to curse them? It makes no sense! If only you got over that hesitation, and broaden your spell repertoire some, you could be one hell of a witch, Buffy! Your aim is perfect, you’re quick and strong, you’re good at improvising, and lots of other stuff.”

Buffy sighed. “I know. But...when I fight like the Slayer, it’s all me. My body, me doing the damage – and I can control the damage I do. And I’ve only ever fought bad guys; demons, vampires. Fighting with magic is different. It seems more like cheating somehow, letting a spell do the work for me, even if it’s me doing the firing. And...knowing that the reason I’m learning is so that I can use it to hurt _humans..._ my entire being just screams no, that it’s wrong.”

Sirius sighed. “Okay. Well, this is going to sound really callous, but you need to get over that. There’s a war out there, Buffy, one in which demons and vampires aren’t even involved, as far as I know. It’s human against human, and if you’re insistent on wanting to help, you need to put aside some of your morals, or you’re not going to last very long. If it helps, the people we’re fighting against are still bad guys. It’s horrible, yes, but it’s how it is.” 

“I know,” Buffy growled. “It doesn’t make it easier though. It’s like I have this... _block_ or something that I can’t get past! It’s so frustrating!”

“Well, I’m not sure what I can do to help you with that, exactly,” Sirius said. “I think it’s something you have to get over on your own. All I can do is teach you how to duel – I can’t teach you to get rid of your mental barriers regarding killing.”

Buffy winced. “Yeah...” But she had no idea how to do it. She had always been the Slayer – not a killer – the difference might not seem big to anyone else, but to her it was huge. But she was determined to help fight against Voldemort, determined to be useful...and if the only thing standing in her way was her conscience...well, she would be damned if she let it win.

She ignored the other pesky thought that said her principles were what made her Buffy, and if she got rid of them, she wasn’t sure what – or who – she might become.

She only hoped she would still be one of the good guys; that she could still recognize and live with herself, once she passed that point of no return – the point where she had to take a human life.

* * *

**22 April**

“How did the Apparition exams go?” Lily asked, practically assaulting Buffy as she returned from her test. Buffy proudly held up her license, and the redhead squealed, throwing her arms around her.

“You passed!”

“Can’t. Breathe!” Buffy exclaimed, laughing.

“Oh, sorry. Did you pass for long distance as well?”

“Yep,” Buffy confirmed. “Samantha too – she was deliriously happy,” Buffy confirmed.

“And – “ Lily lowered her voice, glancing over at Sirius who was sitting in the Marauders’ usual corner, staring at nothing. “And Mandy? How did she do?”

“She passed too,” Buffy said, biting her lip. “I really hate that they’ve broken up.”

Lily sighed. “Me too. And I hate what it’s doing to them. They’re both clearly miserable!”

“I can hear you, you know!” Sirius shouted from his corner, and the girls blushed.

“Sorry,” Buffy said, walking over to him. “But we’re right – you are miserable.”

Sirius glared. “I’ve tried to talk to her,” he said. “But she ignores me completely. And she seems happy enough to me.”

Buffy and Lily exchanged looks. “She is miserable, too, Sirius,” Lily said gently. 

“She sure doesn’t show it,” Sirius muttered.

“Well, of course she wouldn’t,” Buffy exclaimed. “Mandy is proud, and so are you. But sooner or later one of you has to take the first step.”

“And I’ve taken countless,” Sirius said. “I just told you – she ignores me!”

“Then make a little more effort, so she can’t ignore you,” Lily said, exasperated. “That shouldn’t be too difficult – you’re Sirius Black.”

Sirius snorted derisively. “Being Sirius Black is what got me into this mess in the first place. If I wasn’t such an idiotic, condemning, jealous _moron,_ this never would have happened!”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll come up with something,” Buffy stood up. “Or isn’t Mandy worth the trouble?"

* * *

 **Published:** 06/05 -15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Ben Barnes as Sirius Black.


	28. Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in Roads Travelled. Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**1 May**

Mandy slumped down dejectedly in her usual seat beside Lucan by the Ravenclaw table for breakfast, dark circles surrounding her eyes. 

“Sleep well?”

Mandy glared. “Not especially.” She grabbed the fork by her plate, only to have it turn into a red rose. Her napkin floated up, and folded itself into an origami raven. The small raven opened its beak and from it emerged Sirius’ voice: _“I’m sorry. Forgive me.”_

Mandy’s face flushed angrily, and she plucked the napkin from the air and ripped it into little pieces that fell to the table like fresh snow. As Lucan glanced over to the Gryffindor table, he saw Sirius’ shoulder slump down at Mandy’s response, and he looked incredibly crestfallen – like a kicked puppy: Lucan couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.

“Look, it’s been a month,” Lucan began. “Don’t you think it’s time you forgive him? Give him a second chance. I mean, he seems pretty persistent. And sincere - he apologized. So he made a mistake – if I were in his position…”

“Well, you’re not,” Mandy snapped, her glare deepening. “It’s none of your business. Besides,” she sniffed, “I am so over Sirius Black!” 

Lucan snorted. “Right.”

“I am!” Mandy insisted. “So I had trouble sleeping – that’s not because I was up tossing and turning over Sirius! He’s not worth it. He’s not worth my time, or my attention, and I can do so much better! He wasn’t even my type – “

“ – You have a type?” Lucan interrupted, buttering a piece of toast. “Huh.”

“ – He’s arrogant, and selfish, and stuck-up, and egotistical and jealous, and-and – “

“ – Me thinks the lady doth protest too much,” Lucan smirked.

“Oh, shut up, Luke,” Mandy smacked his arm playfully. “I’m just saying, we’re complete opposites. Non-compatible. And one would think you’d be happy we’ve broken up: You weren’t that keen on me getting together with him in the beginning.”

“That was because I think he’s a player – or was, before he met you,” Lucan said calmly. “You’ve been good for him – and he’s been good for you. This past year, you’ve been happier than I’ve ever seen you.”

“Not that you’ve seen me much,” Mandy countered. “I think I’ve spent more time around Gryffindors than Ravenclaws: I’ve been neglectful of my best friend.”

“Hey, I’m not complaining,” Lucan joked. “If you’re happy, I’m happy. Seriously. And I have this chick in Slytherin I’m trying to woo anyway – it’s been taking up all my time.”

Mandy stared at him as though he’d lost his mind. “Lucan – you’re muggleborn,” she pointed out, as though she was talking to a small child. “Are you insane?”

“Love knows no boundaries,” Lucan quipped. “And I think she’s beginning to fold.”

“Luke,” Mandy said slowly, “you know I adore you in all ways, but – _are you trying to get yourself killed?”_

Lucan rolled his eyes. “She’s not going to kill me. In fact, I think I amuse her.”

“She’s a serpent waiting to strike!” Mandy hissed. “Or at least her other slippery friends will.”

“It seems to me,” Lucan said smugly, “that you and Sirius Black have more in common than you’d like. You’re both awfully discriminatory against Slytherin.”

“I’m not!” Mandy protested. “I’m only looking out for your best interest. And, considering what happened to your family, one would think you’d keep a distance to everything to do with that House!”

Lucan froze.

“Oh, God, Luke,” Mandy breathed, her eyes widening in shock. “I-I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bring it up – “

“Let’s make a deal, shall we?” Lucan said, jaw tense. “I stay out of your business, and you stay out of mine.”

Mandy sighed. “Luke – “ 

“Drop it.”

“But – “

“I said, drop it!” Lucan hissed, eyes narrowed. “You don’t like me butting in about Sirius, fine, I’ll respect that. As long as you respect me and don’t butt in about Belinda.”

“So that’s her name,” Mandy muttered. 

Lucan’s eyes blazed with anger. He stood up, grabbed his bag and strode out of the hall, ignoring Mandy’s frantic calls for forgiveness. 

Mandy let out a moan and let her head slump onto the table. Great. Just great. As if it wasn’t enough that her relationship with Sirius was over – _‘it was for the best,’_ she tried to tell herself – now she’d managed to antagonize her best friend as well.

* * *

**6 May**

Mandy sat rigidly beside Lucan in the Ravenclaw stands – things had been tense with her best friend since her admittedly low blow about the death of his family at breakfast five days earlier. Still, Lucan had never been one to hold a grudge, and had, in fact, accepted her apology only a couple of hours afterwards. 

The reasons things were tense, Mandy figured, was because of the fact she was feeling guilty…and, she had to admit, she was worried Lucan was getting himself into something he couldn’t get out of: She didn’t want to be prejudiced against his little crush - because, she told herself, a crush was all it was, despite the fact Lucan apparently had been trying to woo the girl for the entire autumn, winter, and spring - just because she was a Slytherin. 

But she couldn’t help it! Lucan was her best friend - she was only looking out for him. Mandy’s thoughts came to an abrupt stop as she realized she was behaving like Sirius that day in the library – jealous, overprotective, and like an absolute arse.

She sighed. Maybe she should forgive him? Almost unconsciously, her eyes strayed over to the teacher’s box, looking for the black-haired Gryffindor in the place reserved for the game commentator – but it was empty. She frowned.

“Hey, have you seen Sirius in the stands?” She pulled at Lucan’s jacket, tensing up as she waited for the inevitable ‘I knew you still liked him!’ but it never came: In fact, it seemed as though Lucan hadn’t even noticed she’d said anything, his eyes transfixed at a light haired female that was approaching through the crowd of Ravenclaws.

“Belinda,” he exclaimed breathlessly.

Mandy jerked back in shock. A Slytherin? Here? In the Ravenclaw stands? Preferring the company of a muggleborn over her fellow snakes, who were playing in today’s game? Huh. Maybe she’d been wrong.

“Davis,” the Slytherin – Belinda – said coolly, coming to a halt beside Lucan.

Lucan’s face broke out into a silly smile Mandy had never seen on her best friend before – he looked completely besotted. Mandy didn’t know whether to throw up or laugh. “You came!” Lucan said.

“Well, you invited me to watch the game with you, so I figured, why not?” Belinda said nonchalantly. “A pureblooded Slytherin spending the afternoon in a muggleborn’s company ought to shake up the pureblood fanatics in my house quite thoroughly – the consequences of that should be interesting to watch, if nothing else.”

Lucan’s smile got even wider.

“I’ll just – be over here,” Mandy said, pointing at a spot further up the stands. “You two lovebirds have fun.”

“Right,” Lucan said absently, clearly not caring, his attention still stuck on Belinda: He appeared to be swooning.

* * *

The entire game had passed (which Slytherin won with 320 points to Hufflepuff’s 180), and Sirius hadn’t showed up. Professor McGonagall had commentated instead, something which had made the game very professional, but also very dull. Sirius always managed to liven up the matches. 

Mandy sighed. She didn’t want to admit it, but she missed his presence, in everything she did, all the time. She’d tried to deny it, but she still loved him.

“Can we talk?” A voice interrupted her thoughts, and Mandy’s head snapped up, staring.

Sirius shuffled with his feet awkwardly.

“I thought you were ill,” Mandy blurted out dumbly, surprised at the Gryffindor’s sudden appearance seemingly out of nowhere. “You didn’t show up at the game.”

Sirius grimaced. “I wasn’t in the mood to run the commentary. So can we talk?” He repeated. “Or are you still ignoring me?”

Mandy sighed. “No. I’m sick of ignoring you,” she confessed.

“Does that mean I’m forgiven?” Sirius’ entire being seemed to perk up.

Mandy bit her lip. “You really hurt me.”

Sirius shoulders seemed to sag. “I know.”

“You didn’t trust me.”

“I know.” Sirius shoulders sagged even further. 

“I want to get back together,” Mandy finally said. “But I’m not sure we can. After everything I told you at the beginning of our relationship – about my abandonment issues – you still didn’t trust me not to cheat on you. I can deal with you being jealous – but you wouldn’t even admit that you were. Instead, you tried to blame it all on me – as though it was my fault,” she continued. “Every piece of trust in you I’ve built up these past months – it broke, in that single moment. And I might be overreacting – I probably am. But I don’t trust easily, you know that. I told you that even before we got together.” 

“It wasn’t you I didn’t trust,” Sirius protested feebly. “It was Lucan. Before I realized he’s a good guy.”

“Maybe,” Mandy said, “but that’s how it came across – you didn’t trust me enough to be able to take care of myself, to be able to say no. The fact that it was one of my best friends you accused of trying to…get into my pants made it even worse.”

Sirius winced. “I know. I was an arse.”

“A really big arse,” Mandy agreed, but on the inside, she was smiling.

“I’m sorry,” he said earnestly. “I’m really, really sorry. And I know this doesn’t make it alright, but when I saw you with Lucan…I saw red – I’m terrified of losing you. But in my attempts to keep you by my side…I pushed you away. I never thought I’d say this to anyone, but you’re my reason for breathing. I love you.”

Mandy had trouble holding back her tears. “I love you too. I still have feelings for you. I’ve tried to ignore them, hoping they’d go away. But they won’t, and trying to force myself to stop liking you is just impossible, not to mention tiring, and it’s making me downright depressed. Without you around…I’m lonely,” she admitted. “There’s this big, empty space in my heart, a space I didn’t even know I had until you weren’t there to fill it anymore. But is it enough?” She questioned. “Is love enough, if there’s no trust?”

“I trust you,” Sirius promised. “I do. I’ve learnt my lesson. Please, give me one more chance. Give us another try, and I promise not to screw up again. Or well, I won’t promise, because I’d probably have to break that promise – I’m Sirius Black, you know? Short-tempered, conceited, jealous with a mean streak, lazy, insensitive…and I’m rambling aren’t I?” Sirius finished with an embarrassed puff of breath. “And not really endearing myself to you. Merlin, what am I thinking?” He exclaimed. “I’m trying to convince you to take me back, not to run in the other direction.”

“Well, at least no one can accuse you of not knowing your own faults,” Mandy said, and this time she couldn’t quite hold back a smile. “But you’re also kind, with a great sense of humor. And your heart is in the right place.

“Is that your way of saying you forgive me?” Sirius said hopefully, and Mandy nodded.

“Yes.”

“Oh, thank Merlin.” A pause. “Do you want to come with me to the Astronomy tower?”

Mandy rolled her eyes. “Don’t push your luck.”

* * *

**11 May**

Samantha stared morosely at her dinner, glancing over at the Gryffindor table where the Marauder sat with Lily, Buffy and Mandy, whispering and laughing. Okay, so she and Peter had been having some trouble…but they’d made up - even though Peter’s apology had left a lot to be desired: An “I’m sorry,” and then he’d gone back to pretending as though nothing had happened. 

Not that she had pushed him for anything else…but she’d never been one for conflict, and she was terrified of losing Peter, not to mention the friendships she had gained – why were they excluding her?

For the past five days, all of her ‘friends’ hadn’t seemed to have time for her. An “I’m sorry, but I don’t have time to talk right now” whenever she tried to stop them in the halls. A change of subject when trying to bring it up with Peter, and cowardly as she was, she had let the issue drop. Another “I’m sorry, but maybe later,” when trying to convince Buffy and Lily to study with her. 

Samantha couldn’t help but worry she’d done something wrong, something to offend them without meaning to, but for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out what. The fight between her and Peter hadn’t been her fault (at least she didn’t think so), and other than that, no instance came to mind where she’d parted on bad terms with any of her friends.

Had they grown tired of her?

It was a large possibility – before Peter, and his friends, Samantha hadn’t had anyone at all. There must have been a reason for that. During her first few years, she’d figured it was because she was shy. Then, later, she convinced herself it was for the same reason – she hadn’t been quick enough to make friends, and then it was too late. 

And from fifth year, when no one (except the professors, the obligatory “hello” from her fellow Hufflepuffs, and the occasionally Slytherin bully) spoke to her, she’d begun to think there must be something seriously wrong with her: 

Did she wear the wrong clothes? Did she have the wrong hair cut? Did she smell bad? Too bad grades? Too good grades? Or was she just boring?

Then Peter Pettigrew had come into her life, and maybe, she’d thought, maybe she wasn’t the one with a problem. Maybe it was them. Then, she’d met his friends, and they’d become her friends also, and all the insecurities were swept away. She was liked. She was liked for who she was. 

And now, months of friendship later…they were ignoring her, and all the old insecurities came rushing back.

Maybe she truly was that undesirable as a person. Maybe she was dull and unexciting. Maybe she was meant to be alone.

Suddenly, she found she’d completely lost her appetite and she pushed her plate away, stood up and walked out of the Great Hall.

Well, she thought, if her ‘friends’ didn’t want to be her friends anymore, who was she to try to convince them otherwise? She had her pride after all (it was all she’d ever had). But she couldn’t help but wish they’d have the guts to tell her that to her face. Didn’t she deserve that, at least?

Yet, she wished they’d still want to hang out – just for today, it would have been nice if she still had her friends, if she still had Peter, even if it was just for a moment, even if it was all pretend to make her feel better. Just for today, on her birthday.

Had she ever had a birthday with friends?

No. 

And, she guessed, she never would.

* * *

“Is it ready?” Peter asked worriedly, eyes blinking anxiously.

“Yes, for the hundredth time – everything’s perfect,” James assured him, shaking his head in exasperation. “She’ll love it.”

“Good,” Peter said. “Because I have a feeling that I’ve screwed up.”

“In what way?” Lily asked, while correcting the large banner in black hanging from the ceiling, with yellow, glittering letters that read ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SAMANTHA!’ “You did apologize for blowing up at her, didn’t you?”

Peter chewed his lip worriedly. “Well, yeah – but I could have done a better job.” He let out a puff of breath. “I’m not very good at that sort of thing!” Not to mention, he added inwardly, apologizing to anyone felt wrong – why should he always be the one to blame? Alright, so this time it had been – didn’t mean he wasn’t tired of being the scapegoat, the whipping boy. 

He wanted more, and from his conversations with Regulus and other Slytherins, he began to believe maybe he could have it. All he would need to do was give up his friends that were holding him back. Oh, how he wished he could! But seven years of friendship, all the things they’d gone through together, wasn’t easy to turn his back on. Turning his back on that – even if it was what would be best for him – wasn’t something he could do with just a snap of his fingers.

“What exactly did you say?” Mandy asked, curling up against Sirius on a couch in the corner: Since they’d made up, the two had been closer than ever, practically attached at the hips– or lips, as the case may be. “I’d like to consider myself a pro on what a proper apology entails. Right, Sirius?”

“Right, honey,” Sirius said, nodding in agreement. “You were hard, but fair.”

Mandy smiled brilliantly.

“Well…I said I was sorry,” Peter said tentatively.

Silence.

“And…?” Buffy prompted from her place by the entrance.

Peter shrugged.

“You mean that was it?” Lily asked incredulously. “And Samantha still took you back? You didn’t give her a reason behind the blow-up or anything? No gift, no crawling in the gutter, begging on your bare knees?”

Peter shook his head. “Not really, no.”

“Samantha must be a saint,” James muttered. “Or so head over heels for you she’s lost all common sense – no one in their right mind would let their significant other get away with a crappy excuse like that!”

“Maybe she thought she’d overreacted,” Peter tried to explain feebly. “The fight wasn’t that big of a deal, really.”

“Not that big of a deal?” Buffy asked in disbelief. “Peter, she came to me in tears!”

Peter wished he could sink through the ground, though he refused to show it – this time, he would stand his ground. “Like I said, an overreaction,” he repeated. “She wouldn’t shut up about all her plans, so I left. That’s all there was to it.”

“That’s still a lot,” Lily pointed out. “And from what I’ve gathered about Samantha’s personality, she doesn’t have that much self-confidence. Blowing her off, walking away, because you wish she’d change the subject – that was really shallow, and mean, Peter. You could have just told her you wanted to speak about something else.”

“Alright!” Peter snapped, thoroughly peeved at his friends’ pushing and ‘holier-than-thou’ attitudes. “Alright, I get it, I was an idiot, I admit that. But what happened is none of your business. It’s between me and Samantha, so just stay out of it.”

“Everyone, shut up!” Buffy hissed, flicking her wand and descending the room into darkness. “She’s coming!”

Everyone quickly scurried away from where they’d been sitting and standing, running towards their hiding places, giggling and tittering.

The portrait hole opened, a sliver of light shining through.

“SURPRISE!” Everyone jumped up, and Sirius flicked his wand, turning the lights on, and the giant banner, a table of presents and a large cake with green icing coming into view.

Lily, Buffy and Mandy blew in their party whistles, while Sirius and James blew out streamers all over Samantha’s surprised form, standing frozen in the doorway.

Peter smiled shakily. “Happy birthday.”

To their surprise, Samantha’s eyes teared up.

“It’s for me?”

Buffy exchanged startled looks with Lily. “Well, yeah. Who else would it be for?”

Samantha grinned tearily. “So that’s what you’ve been up to this week,” she added under her breath. “I thought you’d forgotten all about me.”

“Well, we wanted this to be a complete surprise, and we were afraid someone would let something slip if we spent a lot of time together as usual,” Lily explained gently, leading the blonde Hufflepuff to the table with the cake. “I’m sorry if you got the wrong impression – we really didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“That’s alright. To be honest, I suspected it might be something like this,” Samantha lied, not wanting to upset her friends. “The cake looks amazing,” she said, changing the subject. “Who made it?”

“Believe it or not, Remus did,” Buffy said. “It’s his contribution for your birthday – he couldn’t afford an actual gift, but he insisted on doing something. I flooed over and picked it up this morning. Don’t tell McGonagall, though,” she added as an afterthought. “She wasn’t very keen when she found out I left the castle without permission last time I flooed to Remus, so I decided it would be best not to ask her. That way, she couldn’t say no!”

Sirius and James laughed. “We’re corrupting you, Buffy.”

“Nah,” Buffy shrugged. “I’ve always had a little rebellion stashed away somewhere, I think. Life’s more interesting, that way.”

* * *

**13 May**

Remus yawned as he opened the door to the Lupin cottage, tired after his night shift as a dishwasher in a muggle bar down in the nearby village: The economy situation had gotten worse and worse, and he hadn’t been able to put off work anymore.

Still, he didn’t dare leave his mother alone at home while she was awake, nor could he ask anyone else to watch her, so that’s why he was pulling nightshifts – everyone within a mile radius was muggle, and letting them into a magical household might not be the smartest thing. And asking Dumbledore or someone else was out of the question – Remus had assured everyone he could manage on his own, and besides that, it would feel too much like charity.

Only four hours of sleep five times a week (he hadn’t allowed himself to think about what he’d do when the full moon came along) may not be the most ideal situation, but he needed the money, even though the pay was crap.

Sure, his mother was doing better, Remus had to admit – she had moments of lucidity, even if they were few and far between – so far, Remus could only mention two. And even those moments were just as disheartening to watch as those when she believed him to be his father. The way her face would crumble when she realized his father was dead and not coming back. The way her face would go blank as she realized just how precarious their situation was: she, a widow, mother to a werewolf, with another child (whom they really couldn’t afford) on the way. It was heartbreaking to watch.

Suddenly, a loud crash came from his mother’s bedroom, and Remus’ eyes widened. Rushing into the room, he was met by an awful shock: His mother was awake, and had fallen onto the floor. A vase had been knocked down on the way, and shards of porcelain were spread all over the room.

That wasn’t what had Remus’ staring at the scene in horror, though – it was the blood.

Blood covering the entire lower half his mother’s nightdress, blood that was even now dripping down from between her legs.

 _‘I never should have left,’_ Remus thought, breaking out of his trance and rushing forwards, pulling his mother’s frail body into his arms. “Mum! Mum! Can you hear me?”

His mother’s eyes flickered back and forth before they finally settled on his face. “J-Jonathan,” she slurred. “I don’t feel so well...”

Her head fell back as she slipped into unconsciousness.

* * *

“Remus!” Buffy exclaimed, practically running towards her boyfriend and almost crushing him in a hug. “We came as soon as we heard. How is Dana?”

Remus dragged a hand through his hair tiredly, eyes glancing towards the closed door through which muggle doctors had taken his mother. “I don’t know. No one’s told me anything since I brought her in.”

He sank down in a chair heavily, dragging in a deep, shuddering breath. “I don’t know how much more I can take,” he admitted, almost whispering. “I thought I was handling it pretty well, considering, but…”

“It’s not your fault,” Lily said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You couldn’t have known something like this would happen.”

“I should have expected it,” Remus snapped, shrugging of her hand. “She’s not exactly young anymore, or in the best physical health – she practically refuses to eat, I’ve had to force feed her so many times I’ve lost count… And with dad dead, she’s not exactly mentally stable either. I can’t believe I left her alone at home! If I’d been there, I could have gotten her to the hospital so much quicker! Or if I’d gotten her admitted to a hospital from the very beginning. I was a fool to think I’d be able to take care of her!”

“No use thinking about the ‘what if’s,’” Sirius said, while inspecting the waiting room thoroughly, amazed at how ‘muggle’ a muggle hospital was. “It will only drive you mad.”

“Not much else to do, is there?” Remus muttered, while accepting the chocolate bar James held out, but without opening it. “What if she dies?” He whispered, eyes filling with tears.

“She won’t,” Buffy told him. 

“You can’t know that,” Remus said, shaking his head. “You can’t make that sort of promise.”

“Remus Lupin?” A doctor came out through the door, holding a clipboard.

“I’m he,” Remus said, standing up, and shaking the doctor’s hand.

“I’m Dr. Robert Nicholson.”

“How is my mum?” Remus asked anxiously. “Will she be alright?” 

“Your mother’s condition is critical, but stable, as is the baby,” Dr. Nicholson said kindly. “It was touch and go for awhile, regarding the baby’s life, but you got her here in time. I’m not going to lie to you – your mother is actually the one I’m worried about. Things aren’t looking very good. She’s extremely weak, especially mentally. She’s a little underweight, which, considering her pregnancy, is never a good sign, but that’s not the most worrying at the moment. Her blood pressure is extremely elevated. The notes I have here says she lost her husband – your father – back in February, correct?”

“Yes,” Remus said numbly. “She…she hasn’t been…well. Since it happened.”

“They were close?” the doctor questioned, and Remus’ nodded.

“Hmm. I thought so,” the doctor nodded, making a note on his clipboard. “That’s what worries me the most, actually – the high blood pressure, we can treat. And while the blood loss was rather extensive, we have her on blood transfusions. However, heartbreak is another matter entirely. I have seen many young women and men slip away, despite excellent physical condition, because they’ve lost their will to live.”

“Is there anything you can do?” Remus asked. 

“I’d like to keep her here, through the remaining time of her pregnancy. In my opinion as a doctor, she’s very ill and very vulnerable, and it is imperative we keep her under close watch, both for her sake and the baby’s. They both need special care, and unfortunately, you can’t provide that. A nursing home might, and that’s what I’d recommend, if it weren’t for the fact she’s pregnant.” 

“I understand,” Remus said, face pale but stoic. “Is there anything I need to sign…?”

“Yes.” Dr. Nicholson handed over a few sheets of paper and a ballpoint pen. “Of course, you’re allowed to visit her during the normal visiting hours – in fact, I’d recommend it. A familiar face is always good for the health of the patients.”

“Is there anything else I can do?” Remus asked, after he’d signed over the rights regarding his mother’s care to the muggle hospital.

“Keep yourself healthy,” the doctor said, squeezing Remus’ shoulder in comfort. “You seem like a good kid, and your mother should be proud. I think it would make her very happy to see you looking well, when you come to visit. Until then, just focus on your studies – you do go to school, yes?” 

“Boarding school,” Remus said. “Though I dropped out when dad died.”

“I’m sure they’d accept you back,” Dr. Nicholson said, “unless you were a trouble maker, but I’m not getting that impression.” 

“Appearances can deceive,” Sirius muttered under his breath, earning himself an elbow between the ribs, courtesy of Lily.

“Can I see my mum before I go?” Remus asked, ignoring his friends.

“Of course.”

* * *

**15 May**

“Stop fidgeting,” Buffy scolded her boyfriend as Remus shuffled anxiously with his feet, as he prepared himself to enter the Great Hall, officially rejoining the student body of Hogwarts.

Dumbledore had been all too happy to have him back as a student, when Remus had flooed and asked once he got back home from the hospital, saying the school hadn’t been quite the same without him, nor had his friends.

Remus had spent one last day at home, cleaning up, locking the place down, and resigning from his oh-so-glorious job down in the village. He’d arrived at Hogwarts this morning, and had met up with Buffy on her way down to breakfast, after a talk with the Headmaster.

“Maybe this was a bad idea,” Remus mumbled. “I should go back home.”

“And do what?” Buffy asked. “Be miserable?”

“For instance,” Remus muttered. 

Buffy rolled her eyes, happy beyond belief that Remus was back. “That won’t do you any good. At least here, you’ll make your friends happy, not to mention me.”

“You do know how to put forth a convincing argument,” Remus smiled slightly, though his eyes were still empty: Buffy figured it would take time for him to regain that spark she was so used to seeing, even though it had been absent since Jonathan died. Remus probably saw his mother’s near miscarriage and consequent admittance to the hospital as a personal failure – he always took too much upon himself, things out of his control, and it was a wonder he hadn’t been buried under it. 

“Ready to go inside?” Buffy asked, squeezing his hand.

Remus nodded and took a deep breath, stepping inside the Great Hall, the chatter inside immediately quieting down when the students realized who it was that was striding down towards the Gryffindor table.

“Hi, guys,” Remus said, ignoring the silence and sitting down beside Sirius, Buffy taking the seat on his left side.

“Hi, Moony,” James greeted, grinning widely. “Glad to have you back.”

Remus couldn’t help but smile slightly. “Glad to be back,” he admitted.

“I find myself agreeing with James wholeheartedly,” Michaela Duncan said from further down the table, removing the Prefect’s badge from her robes, and throwing it to Remus, who caught it by reflex. “Pheew! I’m so glad to be rid of that!” She exclaimed with relief. “Really, I’m more than happy with only Quidditch as an extra activity – I don’t need the duty of babysitting the school on top of it!”

Everyone within earshot laughed, the ice broken with the help of Michaela’s blasé statement regarding Remus’ return, and the Hall became filled with laughter again.

Looking around his friends, Remus felt the first crack in his heart slowly begin to heal.

* * *

 **Published:** 06/05 -15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Bradley James as Remus Lupin.


	29. Forwards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in Roads Travelled. Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**22 May**

Remus sat on the floor of the Shrieking Shack, waiting for the full moon to rise – the last full moon he’d spend here, he realized absently, wrapping the blanket tighter around him. 

“One last run through the forest,” he mumbled to himself under his breath, knowing his friends were waiting outside the door, also waiting for the moon to appear and for his transformation to be finished, so they could escape the building and wreak havoc in the Forbidden Forest for the final time.

Suddenly, there was some sort of commotion outside the door, and Remus’ head whipped around, staring in confusion as Buffy walked through. “What are you doing here?” He asked incredulously.

“Keeping you company,” Buffy said, sitting down.

“Well, go away,” Remus exclaimed. “I don’t like people to see me like this, especially not you!”

“Well, thanks,” Buffy said with a raise of her eyebrow, slightly miffed. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, Re.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” Remus flushed. “I meant the transformation, not the fact that I’m naked!”

“We’re soulmates, Remus,” Buffy said quietly. “And I know you’re embarrassed, or frightened you’ll hurt me, or both, but the fact is, you can’t hurt me. And I love you. Don’t push me away.”

“This isn’t about you,” Remus said through gritted teeth. “It’s about me. Yes! I am embarrassed! And yes, I am afraid. I’m afraid that when you see me transform, you’ll change your mind about me.”

“And break up with you?” Buffy said incredulously. “Re, didn’t you hear a word of what I just said? I love you! The fact that you’re a werewolf doesn’t scare or bother me.”

“Well, maybe it should,” Remus snapped. “This isn’t something to take lightly, Buffy. It’s about _who I am._ Or rather, _what_ I am. What I always will be, and it’s not pretty; it’s not flowers and sunshine!”

“And you think I don’t know that?” Buffy demanded to know. “I know better than anyone what it’s like! I’m the Slayer!”

“You really can’t compare that to this,” Remus said, shuddering under his blankets. “It’s ugly, and horrible, and painful, and it’s all _me._ It’s about what I feel, not about what you feel, and I’d hoped you would have learned to respect that.”

“You’re not the wolf,” Buffy said, frustrated. “I don’t care – “

“BUT YOU SHOULD CARE!” Remus exploded, trying to ignore the cramps travelling through his body as he could feel the transformation begin. “I am the wolf, Buffy. It’s there, all the time. And it won’t go away. It’s part of me, and if you say you love me – if you really _insist_ you love me, all of me, wolf and all, then you’d try to respect that it’s a part of me I’m not entirely comfortable with sharing yet.”

“I’m not afraid,” Buffy insisted, crossing her arms stubbornly.

Remus shook his head, smiling painfully at her. “Then you don’t understand.” He let out a scream of pain, unable to hold back the transformation any longer. 

His tailbone elongated and became a tail, his nails became claws that could rip a human being to pieces with a single swipe. His hands and feet became paws, and fur sprouted across his skin, teeth becoming sharp and long, his mind slipping away.

Buffy could just stare in shock at the gruesome sight. Blood splattered everywhere, and she was unable to hold back the tears. This was what the transformation was like? Suddenly, she realized what Remus had tried to tell her, the reason he didn’t want her to share this part of him: He wasn’t pushing her away because he was afraid he might scare her – he was pushing her away because he was afraid _for_ her.

It wasn’t because he was trying to protect her from the danger he posed physically, but because of the danger he presented mentally – was she able to handle her boyfriend ripping himself to pieces every month while she was unable to do anything about it, knowing that someday, it would probably kill him? 

The reason he insisted she didn’t understand was because she didn’t – oh, she understood the danger Remus posed, but she didn’t understand what it really meant to be the girlfriend of a werewolf, to claim to love _all_ of him – to be _able_ to love all of him. She couldn’t say she didn’t care he was a werewolf, because that was the same as saying she didn’t care about him, that his lycanthropy didn’t matter: Remus _was_ the wolf, and all that it entailed.

Somehow, she thought absently as the transformation from human to wolf finally ended, Oz’ transformations in Sunnydale hadn’t been anything like these. She approached the werewolf carefully, allowing him to recognize her scent, before touching him, burying her face into the soft fur, crying softly.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, knowing the human part of Remus was somewhere inside there. “I’m sorry for not listening. I understand now, Re. I understand. And I do love you,” she added, sniffing slightly, and scratching the large creature behind the ears. “All of you. It kills me to see you hurt like this, but I still love you. And I’m not going anywhere.”

* * *

**25 May**

“Alright, listen up!” James yelled to his team. “We've only got two days until our final game, which we must win in order to claim the Quidditch Cup. It’s my last year here, and I don’t plan on losing.”

Michaela grinned at James. “Don’t worry. We are better than ever – your slave driving has made sure of that.”

The rest of the team laughed, and James frowned.

“That might be true, but we still can’t slack off. This is our last official practice, and I want to make the most of it,” he said determinately. “Anyway, I was up all night, counting and comparing statistics, and unfortunately, Slytherin is in the lead. Which means - ” he made a theatrical pause, “we must not only beat Ravenclaw, but we must also have at least two hundred and sixty points by the time the game ends if we’re going to beat Slytherin’s points total. Also, Amanda, you can’t catch the snitch until we’re in the lead with at least sixty points, and at the earliest, when we have one hundred and ten points against Ravenclaw’s fifty, preferably less. If Ravenclaw catches the Snitch, I’ll personally kill you,” James finished.

“No pressure,” Amanda muttered sarcastically.

“Up in the air, people,” James shouted, mounting his broom and ignoring Amanda’s input. “Let’s go through the Chasers formations one last time, alright?”

The practice went well, until James decided it was time to take out the bludgers: Ryan Samuelsson, the newest Chaser on the team, wasn’t able to duck in time, and took one of the brutal balls straight to the head, falling off his broom.

“Ryan!” Amanda yelled in shock, and dove to catch him: Unfortunately, the fifth year was too heavy for the small Seeker, and only managed to slow down his fall, but not stopping him from hitting the ground at a worrying speed.

James and the rest of the team landed on the ground, pale faced. “Ryan?” James asked, voice shaking. “Ryan, can you hear me?”

“I see birds…” Ryan mumbled, eyes glassy as he stared up at his team mates, a stupid grin on his face. “Pretty…”

“Get him to the hospital wing,” James said, dragging a hand through his hair worriedly. “Damn it. Amanda, are you okay?”

Amanda was green in the face and was clutching her shoulder in obvious pain. “I think I dislocated it when I tried to catch him,” she admitted, voice faint.

James closed his eyes in defeat. “Let’s hear what Madame Pomfrey has to say,” he said, trying to remain positive. “Maybe it’s not so bad.”

* * *

“There is no way Mr. Samuelsson will be able to compete in the Quidditch finale!” Poppy Pomfrey told James sternly, hands on her hips. “He’s got a severe concussion and needs bed rest! As for Miss Lorne - ” She pinched her lips tightly shut in displeasure, “I managed to set her shoulder in a matter of seconds, but she should be careful with it for at least a week – no strenuous activities. That includes Quidditch.”

“But I feel fine!” Amanda protested hotly, jumping down from her hospital bed. “There is no way I’m not playing!”

“Poppy is right,” James said heavily, “I can’t let you play if you’re hurt.”

“You can’t stop me!” Amanda replied coldly, crossing her arms. “I’ll rest today and tomorrow, but if anyone tries to stop me from mounting a broom on Saturday, I’ll personally kick their arse!”

“Miss Lorne,” Madame Pomfrey said impatiently, “if you play, you risk damage to your shoulder that might be a lot more permanent.”

“It’s not like I’m a Chaser or a Beater,” Amanda said sullenly. “I’m a Seeker, I only need one good arm.”

“And what if a Bludger hits you?” The Matron countered. “I know what Quidditch is like, and I’ve seen more injuries induced by that idiotic game than I care to count!”

“I’m still playing,” Amanda hissed, and stalked out of the hospital wing angrily.

* * *

“You can’t seriously mean to let Amanda play, James,” Gregory Morgan said, later at dinner.

“Well, you heard what she said!” James exclaimed. “There’s no stopping her. And I need her in order to win.”

“You have a reserve seeker,” Lily reminded him.

“Sophia is not ready,” James muttered. “It’s bad enough I have to replace Ryan. Buffy, if you screw up, I’ll put your head on a pike.”

Buffy froze from her place on Lily’s other side. “W-what? Me?” She laughed weakly, face quickly paling. “You can’t be serious!” 

“You are reserve Chaser,” James reminded her.

“B-but I’m not ready either!” Buffy protested. “I’ve only been to what? One practice?”

“Well, we can’t play with only two Chasers,” Nick Vandom said. “As good as James and Micha are, with the amount of points we need to claim the Quidditch Cup, that’s just not possible.”

“I’ve barely been up on my broom! Anyone would be better than me.”

“You’re a natural,” James said dismissively. “You’ll be fine.”

* * *

**27 May**

"...NICK! GIVE ME BACK MY HAIRBRUSH! RIGHT THIS INSTANT"

Nick laughed, and ran away from a very pissed off Michaela Duncan, hairbrush between his teeth. The rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team rolled their eyes, while James stood by the door, already dressed and ready, stomping with his right foot impatiently, arms crossed. He had given up trying to bring order fifteen minutes ago. It was useless.

"Catch me if you can, Micha!" Nick said, as he took out the hairbrush of his mouth, waving it around.

"ALRIGHT!" James finally had had enough. Nick stopped, and Michaela quickly grabbed the hairbrush back, just to drop it again directly afterwards.

"Oh, gross Nick! You've drooled on it!"

James glared, waving his broom at them threateningly. "ATTENTION!"

"Yes, sir!" Buffy said, earning herself another glare. The team hastily grabbed their brooms, and stood on a line, doing their best not to start laughing at a pacing James.

"Okay. This is it. You all know what’s at stake here, and what we need to claim the cup. We. Are. The. Best. Damn. Team," James said, as he slammed his right fist into his left palm as if to make a point. "And we're going to win. Failure is not an option!"

"Yes, sir!" The team chorused. James glared again.

"I am extremely proud of this team, and what we’ve managed to accomplish. A lot thanks to me," he added thoughtfully, and the team rolled their eyes. “Still, today is the only day that really matter. We’ve had some bad luck in the line-up, but I have no doubt Buffy will manage just fine. Won’t you?” He said, his eyes narrowed as he glared at the Slayer.

“Of course, sir,” Buffy said, grinning a little bit too heartily.

“And Amanda, you won’t let me down?”

“Never, sir,” Amanda said, shaking her head innocently, eyes wide, pretending not to hear the sniggers from the rest of the team.

“Right then,” James said, nodding decisively. “Good.” He took a deep breath, and began to lead the team out of the changing rooms. “Let’s go win this shit.”

“Yes, sir!” The team chorused.

“AND STOP CALLING ME _SIR!”_

* * *

“I think I’m going to throw up,” Buffy hissed to Michaela as they walked out onto the pitch amongst much cheer.

“Try not to think about the crowd,” Michaela advised. “Just worry about the Bludgers, the Quaffle, and the goalposts.”

“Easy for you to say.”

Michaela’s lips twitched. “Well, you could try imagine them in their underwear?” She jokingly suggested.

Buffy, whose eyes had been travelling across the crowd and incidentally just landed on Dumbledore in the professor’s box, blanched in disgusted horror. 

Michaela chuckled. “Or maybe not.”

“Buffy, are you ready to win?” James asked, interrupting the two girls.

“Absolutely,” Buffy squeaked, nodding.

“Liar, liar, robes on fire,” Michaela hissed in her ear as they mounted their brooms and rose from the ground as the whistle blew. The game had begun.

“Oh, shut up.”

“LADIES AND GENTELEMEN, WITCHES AND WIZARDS,” Sirius enhanced voice echoed across the pitch. “WELCOME TO THE LAST GAME OF THE SEASON, GRYFFINDOR AGAINST RAVENCLAW IN WHAT I’M SURE TO BE A GRIPPING FINALE! THERE HAS BEEN SOME LAST MINUTE CHANGES IN THE GRYFFINDOR LINE-UP, DUE TO INJURY: BUFFY SUMMERS REPLACES RYAN SAMUELSSON AS CHASER. I’M SURE SHE’LL MAKE OUR HOUSE PROUD! ALSO PLAYING ARE JAMES POTTER, MICHAELA DUNCAN, NICK VANDOM, SAM BRYANT, GREGORY MORGAN, AAAAAAAAAND AMANDA LORNE! THIS IS THE TEAM WITH THE TRUE TALENT – IN BED, AND OUT OF IT - !”

“BLACK!” McGonagall screeched angrily, but she was drowned out by the cheers breaking out from the Gryffindor stands, and about half of Hufflepuff.

“FOR RAVENCLAW, WE HAVE JACK STUART, JOHN ADAMS, TOM CHASE, PRISCILLA NICHOLSON, RAY ANDERSON, LILA MOORE AAAAAAND MARIAH TYERS!” 

All the Slytherins, Ravenclaws and the Hufflepuffs that hadn’t cheered for Gryffindor, broke out into wild applause, though it quickly turned into boos when Sirius released his next comment: “SHOULD BE AN EASY VICTORY, GRYFFINDOR!”

“THE QUAFFLE HAS BEEN THROWN…AND IT IS IMMEDIATELY CAPTURED BY PRONGS – I MEAN, POTTER,” Sirius back-pedalled when he saw McGonagall’s frown. “WATCH HIM FLY! I GUESS IT COMES AS NO SURPRISE THAT HE HAS BEEN RECRUITED BY SEVERAL QUIDDITCH TEAMS…THE FACT THAT HE TURNED THEM ALL DOWN, THOUGH, MIGHT.”

Gasps flew across the stands, as most of the population had, in fact, not been aware of James’ refusal. Everyone not in Gryffindor (who had listened to James’ speech down in the common room the day of the latest attack from Voldemort, and therefore knew of his plans – though even some of them had doubted, figuring it had just been something he said to comfort them) had expected James to go professional, and that he’d chosen not to was a slight shock.

“POTTER PASSES TO DUNCAN – WHO, BY THE WAY, _WILL_ GO PROFESSIONAL, ALONG WITH HER BOYFRIEND, NICK VANDOM. MAKE SURE TO BUY YOUR SEASON TICKETS NOW, PEOPLE, BECAUSE ONCE IT GETS OUT THAT MICHAELA DUNCAN HAS BEEN RECRUITED, THEY’RE SURE TO RUN OUT QUICKLY. I MEAN, JUST WATCH THAT FINE BUTT!”

“BLACK!” McGonagall screeched angrily, and Michaela threw him the finger, before she effortlessly passed the Quaffle to Buffy.

“SORRY, BUT I MUST NOT TELL LIES,” Sirius said. “THE QUAFFLE IS IN SUMMERS POSSESSION – SHE’S A NATURAL AT RIDING A BROOM, THAT MUCH IS OBVIOUS. WONDER WHAT ELSE SHE’S GOOD AT RIDING,” Sirius said with a lecherous grin. “MOONY, ANY COMMENTS?”

Remus glared furiously at Sirius – if it wasn’t for the fact he was out of reach at the moment… Buffy, however, had no such problems.

“OUCH!” Sirius yelled, as the Quaffle Buffy had had in her hand collided with his face. “ABPTER DAT DISCHTUSTING DISCHPLAY OF BIOLENSCHE FROB DE GRYFFINDOR RESERVE CHASER, RABENCLAW IS IN BOSSESSCHION OB DE QUAFFLE,” Sirius said in his enhanced voice, his speech slightly hindered by the blood flowing from his nose.

McGonagall seemed to have no sympathy for his predicament, though she did stop the bleeding with a flick of her wand.

“BUFFY!” James yelled angrily at the blonde Chaser. “As much as I understand your need to punish Sirius, you’re supposed to aim at the goalposts!”

“But he makes such an easy target,” Buffy pouted.

James rolled his eyes, before diving to intercept the Quaffle dropped by one of the Ravenclaw Chasers.

“MOORE DROPS THE QUAFFLE – SLOPPY, BUT WHAT ELSE CAN YOU EXPECT FROM SOMEONE WHO SPENDS MORE TIME IN THE ASTRONOMY TOWER THAN ON THE QUIDDITCH PITCH? WHAT RAVENCLAW’S CAPTAIN WAS THINKING WHEN HE RECRUITED HER, I’LL NEVER KNOW…OR WAIT, I _DO_ KNOW – SOME USE MONEY TO BUY THEMSELVES ONTO THE TEAM, OTHERS USE THEIR TONGUES ON UNMENTIONABLE PLACES…”

“BLACK, I’M WARNING YOU!”

Sirius shrugged. “ANYWAY, POTTER PASSES TO DUNCAN, TO SUMMERS, BACK TO DUNCAN, TO POTTER – SCORE! TEN-ZERO, GRYFFINDOR!”

The game continued on, Gryffindor keeping their lead, but not without trouble – though Buffy was an excellent Chaser, the cooperation with James and Michaela didn’t always go very smoothly. After all, Buffy had only been to one practice, and therefore didn’t know all of the tricks and formations the other two Chasers used between them.

Also, with the exception of Lila Moore, who had replaced Susan Cooper when she was killed in one of the attacks from Voldemort and his followers, the Ravenclaw Chasers were very good – they didn’t make many mistakes at all, and Gregory Morgan had a lot of trouble by the Gryffindor goalposts. 

“NICHOLSON SCORES – WHICH BRINGS RAVENCLAW UP SEVENTY POINTS AGAINST GRYFFINDOR’S ONEHUNDRED,” Sirius commented, chewing his lips worriedly: After all, he knew the statistics just as well as James, considering he had been the one kept awake all night when James figured them out. “SUMMERS HAS THE QUAFFLE…DUCKS A BLUDGER FROM ADAMS…SHE TRICKS CHASE…SCORE! ONEHUNDREDANDTEN – SEVENTY. NICE WORK, BUFFY!”

Unfortunately, Gryffindor weren’t able to move further ahead in the point tally, as Ravenclaw’s Chasers managed to make sure the lions didn’t get ahead with more than forty points. 

On top of that, Amanda was having some trouble on her broom, considering she wasn’t a hundred percent due to her arm, and therefore wasn’t able to keep the Ravenclaw Seeker away from the Snitch as well as she would have liked: After all, for Ravenclaw, it didn’t matter when they caught the Snitch, while Amanda knew she had to wait until they were in the lead by sixty points.

Finally, when Gryffindor had two hundred and thirty points against Ravenclaw’s one hundred and ninety, James called time-out.

“Alright,” he told the team, blinking away the rain drops that had started to fall. “We only need twenty more points, and then keep that lead, and Amanda can capture the Snitch. I called the time-out now, because I didn’t want to give Ravenclaw the chance to score again. Nick, Sam, you must distract the Chasers – I know you’ve been backing up Amanda from the Ravenclaw Beaters, and against Mariah, but you just have to manage.”

Amanda nodded, panting heavily, massaging her shoulder with a grimace. “I’ll be fine.”

“You’re sure?” James asked, a frown between his eyebrows.

“Yes,” Amanda said. “I’d have to be, even if I wasn’t – you’re not allowed to replace players during the game. I’ll be fine, really. Mariah’s not that good. My only worry is the bludgers, but I should manage to avoid them…”

“If you’re sure…” James looked hesitant to send his already somewhat wounded seeker out for another round, without a beater to back her up.

“Yes,” Amanda insisted. “You need Sam and Nick more than I do. I’ve been ducking bludgers for years.” She didn’t mention her shoulder was giving her trouble to manoeuvre her broom as well as she would have liked.

The whistle blew, signalling the game had to start anew, and the players re-mounted their brooms. 

“AND WE’RE OFF AGAIN,” Sirius commented. “MOORE WITH THE QUAFFLE…IT’S RAINING, SO IT’S BECOMING RATHER SLIPPERY…CONSIDERING HOW SHE DROPPED IT IN THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME, I’D BE CAREFUL…OH, BAD LUCK, MOORE! ONE WOULD THINK YOU’D BE MORE USED TO THINGS COVERED IN FLUID…”

Lila had dropped the Quaffle, straight into the hands of Buffy, distracted by Sirius commentary.

“BLACK!” McGonagall growled.

“JUST CALLING IT AS I SEE IT, PROFESSOR MCG,” Sirius said cheerfully, saluting his Head of House. “OOOH, TWOHUNDREDANDFORTY – ONEHUNDREDANDNINETY. NICE WORK, MICHA! ANDERSON IS IN POSSESSION OF THE QUAFFLE…OUCH, THAT MUST HAVE HURT!”

A well-aimed bludger from Nick had hit Ray Anderson straight in the back, making him drop the Quaffle, and forcing him to land due to the pain.

“SCORE AGAIN! POTTER SHOWS THE WAY! TWOHUNDREDANDFIFTY TO ONEHUNDREDANDNINETY. SAY WHAT YOU WANT, BUT PRONGS MUST KNOW HOW TO INSPIRE PEOPLE, CONSIDERING A TIME-OUT WAS ALL GRYFFINDOR NEEDED TO FURTHER THEIR LEAD! AND LORNE HAS SPOTTED THE SNITCH!”

Amanda had indeed – actually, she had spotted it the moment they re-mounted after the time-out, but hadn’t done anything about it, other than keeping it in sight, distracting Mariah Tyers – the Ravenclaw Seeker, and avoiding Bludgers. The moment she heard the point distance to Ravenclaw was the required sixty, she was off towards the golden ball.

“LORNE IS AN EXCELLENT SEEKER,” Sirius commented. “SMOOTH MOVEMENTS – SHE MAKES TWISTS AND TURNS WE CAN ONLY DREAM OF DOING LOOK EASY. AND SHE’S JUST A THIRD YEAR TOO, WITH A LOT OF TIME FOR MORE DEVELOPMENT. WILL SHE BE THE ONE TO MAKE SURE THE QUIDDITCH CUP STAYS IN PROFESSOR MCG’S OFFICE, EVEN IN FUTURE YEARS? AS FOR TYERS…WELL, I’VE SAID IT ONCE, I’LL SAY IT AGAIN – SHE HAS NO BUSINESS ON A BROOM…WATCH OUT FOR THOSE BLUDGERS!”

During the chase after the Snitch, James had scored again, bringing Gryffindor’s point total up to two hundred and fifty, furthering their lead. This, however, hadn’t managed to distract the Ravenclaw Beaters from focusing the bludgers at the Gryffindor Seeker, and Nick and Sam were on the other side of the pitch, unable to do anything but watch as the rock hard balls careened off towards the two Seekers.

Mariah ducked and dived away, but Amanda didn’t, ignoring the Bludgers in favour of the small golden ball. Her fist closed around it…and both Bludgers slammed into her almost at once, sending her flying through the air.

“AMANDA LORNE HAS THE SNITCH, DESPITE THE FOUL PLAY FROM RAVENCLAW’S BEATERS – GRYFFINDOR WINS!” Sirius commented absently, while watching Amanda’s fall, eyes filled with worry for his fellow Gryffindor.

Buffy, who was closest, dived, and caught the Seeker easily with one arm, her Slayer strength a God-send, or her shoulder would probably have been dislocated as well, though she pretended to struggle with Amanda’s weight, before landing.

“Amanda, are you alright?” Buffy asked worriedly, as the rest of the team landed. “Amanda!”

“Can’t – breathe!” Amanda admitted, gasping, face pale and lips tinged blue. “My ribs…”

“Out of the way!” Madam Pomfrey demanded, sending the team scattering. “Of all the foolish things…I told you not to play!”

Amanda grinned toothily. “My shoulder barely gave me any trouble,” she said.

“Don’t talk,” Poppy scolded her. “Or your ribs might puncture a lung.”

“We won, didn’t we?” Amanda gasped, ignoring the matron. “Didn’t we?” She asked James.

“Yes. That doesn’t matter, though,” James said. “No game is worth killing yourself over. Hell, Amanda, I didn’t tell you to get the Snitch or die trying!”

“No, but you told me to get the Snitch or you’d kill me yourself,” Amanda countered.

James flushed at the glares sent her way from the school nurse. “Well…that was before you got hurt the first time around!” He protested weakly. “And I didn’t say that…exactly. I just told you to keep Mariah away from it!”

“And I did,” Amanda said faintly. “And I caught the Snitch too! I’m brilliant, aren’t I?”

“You’re delirious,” James said, rolling his eyes. “Just…be quiet. Try to rest.”

“For once,” Madam Pomfrey said dryly, flicking her wand at Amanda, making the Seeker float up, “I find myself in complete agreement with Mr. Potter.”

* * *

**5 June**

The buzz from the victory of the Quidditch Cup died down sooner than previous years, as three players total from the team (Michaela, Nick, and James) – four, counting Buffy – soon had turned their attention to their NEWTs.

One party, along with some gloating in the corridors, were all Gryffindor had time for, as finals approached at high speed.

“I’m panicking,” Buffy said, fanning herself with a Transfiguration textbook. “Do you see this face? It’s my panic-y face. What if I fail? Oh, God, I’m gonna fail!” She wailed, smacking herself in the head with the book.

Remus reached over and took the book from her; barely avoiding Buffy’s flailing hands. “You’re not going to fail,” he said, rolling his eyes. “We’ve been over this how many times, now?”

“How long until the first exam?” Buffy asked, ignoring her boyfriend. “Lily?”

“One hour, sixteen minutes and thirty-two seconds,” the red-head answered, her hair sticking up in all directions as she poured over her pile of notes, dark circles under her eyes. “Oh, Merlin,” she groaned. “I think I’ve forgotten the meaning of all the runes I’ve learnt! My brain is empty! Is it ehwaz or eihwaz? Partnership, I mean?”

“Ehwaz,” Micheala Duncan said, after a scouring of her own notes, and taking a long sip from a giant cup of coffee. “…I think? Or was it euwaz?”

“I am so glad I’m not a seventh year,” Amanda Lorne said, lounging on a chair nonchalantly, her right arm in a sling: The damage she’d acquired during the Quidditch finals meant she would be unable to play for several months - a price Amanda was more than happy to pay, considering Madam Pomfrey had to admit she thought she should be alright by the time the Quidditch season started up again next term. “Have you slept at all this week, Lily?”

“Nope,” James answered for her. “Really, Lils, I see no reason while you’re so worried; Buffy, I understand – “

“Oh, thanks!” Buffy exclaimed dryly, throwing a crumbled piece of paper at the Head Boy.

“ – But you?” James shook his head. “I may not be a Seer, but even I can predict your NEWT results: O, O, O, O, O, O...and…yet another O!”

“I’m glad you can be so flippant about it,” Lily said, “but unlike you, I actually have to study in order to learn, and I am far from convinced I’ve studied enough!”

Everyone around the table snorted in disbelief.

“What?” Lily glowered. “It’s true! I haven’t been close to the student I usually am this year. You’ve all distracted me!”

“Like you mind when I distract you,” James muttered smugly.

Lily huffed and stood up, gathering all her notes together. “I can’t focus in here. Let’s go outside, Buffy. I could use the fresh air.”

“Good idea,” Sirius said, standing up and stretching. “Come on.”

“Is your name Buffy?” Lily asked sweetly. “You lot are staying here, and that’s final! We’ll see you at the Transfigurations exam.” She checked her watch. “One hour, seven minutes and eleven seconds.” She let out a puff of air. “Oh, Merlin, I’m doomed.”

* * *

“One exam down, but a hundred still remain,” Buffy said mournfully, shaking her head as she stepped out of the Great Hall. “And if I passed the Transfiguration exam, it’s a miracle.”

“Don’t look so glum,” Remus said, hugging her. “I’m sure you did alright. And a hundred? Really?”

Buffy glared. “You know what I mean. And I screwed up – my brain turned to mush in there! It’s not possible to learn seven years worth of subjects in one year!”

“So you might not get that many Outstandings,” Remus comforted. “But I’m sure you’ll pass.”

“But I need Outstandings for Healer training,” Buffy reminded him. “And it’s looking more and more unlikely that will ever happen.”

“Your outlooks are still better than mine, no matter how many Outstandings I score,” Remus said lightly, but unable to hide the bitterness in his voice completely. “Ow!” He rubbed his shoulder where Buffy had smacked him.

“What have I told you about the 'woe is me?'” Buffy said all too sweetly, an eyebrow raised in question.

Remus sighed. “Not to do it,” he repeated obediently, voice monotone. Since Buffy had seen his transformation, they’d had a long talk, and they’d grown even closer: Remus actually felt Buffy understood, which was why he let her get away with the ‘scolding.’ Now that she knew what he was afraid of, and that she still wasn’t going anywhere, made it difficult for him to keep up the arguments that he wouldn’t have a future – because that wasn’t true anymore. For the first time, he dared to hope – _really_ hope, and not just dream - for a future in which he wasn’t alone – a future with Buffy.

“Good boy.”

* * *

**11 June**

Sunday found Peter and Samantha in the library, both using the weekend to study for the remaining subjects they had NEWT exams in.

“Halfway done,” Samantha said quietly. “One week behind us, one still ahead of us.”

“Yeah,” Peter said, rubbing his eyes and yawning. “Can’t wait.”

Samantha chewed on her lip. “Have you given any more thought to what you’re going to do after graduation?” She asked, glancing at her boyfriend worriedly: The last time they’d had this conversation, he’d blown up at her after all, and she wasn’t exactly longing for a repeat.

Peter’s shoulders tensed. “No,” he said shortly, wishing she would change the subject.

“Oh,” Samantha mumbled.

Peter sighed. “Did you get the building you wanted? For your store?” He asked, deciding to try and ‘play nice.’ It wasn’t Samantha’s fault he was an idiot after all, and he’d been wrong to take it out on her before.

Samantha immediately brightened when she realized Peter wasn’t angry, and was actually showing interest in her shop. “Yes, I did,” she said. “I’m really happy about it. I’ve decided on a name for the store too, and I’ve almost filled out all the paperwork I need to get started.”

“Sounds great,” Peter said. “So what did you decide to call it?”

_“Mystical records,”_ Samantha said. “I like the sound of it, and it should hint to witches and wizards who pass it that it’s not your ‘average’ muggle store.” She fell silent, wringing her hands slightly. “I-I’ve actually been meaning to ask you…if you have no other plans, that is….i-if you want in on it?”

Peter blinked, not expecting that. “What?”

“Do you want to help run the store?” Samantha clarified nervously, not wanting Peter to feel she was doing this as charity or something. “Become my partner?”

Peter was stumped. “A-alright,” he said, still slightly in shock. “I…yeah. Sure!”

Samantha looked relieved. “Oh, that’s so great! I was so afraid you had other plans or something. A-and, I was thinking, if you don’t mind, that we could live above the store together? Share the space and rent and stuff?”

Peter was still in a daze. In a few seconds, he suddenly had a job, and a place to live…and he owed it all to Samantha. He immediately felt guilty for how he had treated her before – but at the same time, he couldn’t quite stop feeling resentful.

Why was she doing this?

Pity? Charity? Didn’t she think he could make it on his own?

“I’d love to share an apartment with you,” he said after a moment’s pause, forcing up a smile and swallowing the bitterness. “So, _partner,”_ he joked, “where do I sign up?”

But as Samantha chattered on, and pulled out the lease to the building and other documents, it rose to the surface again, though he did his best to ignore it: He could have managed on his own, he told himself, if he really tried. This was just temporary. He didn’t need Samantha to fix things for him. It wasn’t pity. Just a fine opportunity, which he took, as any good business man would have done – what reason did he have for turning it down?

Yet, that feeling that no one ever thought him good enough – not even his own girlfriend – remained.

* * *

**15 June**

The last NEWT exam was the theoretical Defence Against the Dark Arts, which the marauders, Samantha, Buffy and Lily all took at the same time. Finally, the bell rung, signalling the end of the prescribed time, and Buffy lowered her quill with a sigh.

She thought she had done quite well – better than at the Transfiguration exam, at least. In fact, the Defence Practical and Theoretical exams were the only things she was absolutely sure she wouldn’t have failed. That, along with Charms, and Muggle Studies: She hadn’t taken the class, but had done the exam anyway, on Remus’ prompting – as a born and bred Muggle (albeit in another future) the test hadn’t given her any trouble.

“How did you do?” Remus asked, hooking his arm in her right, Lily grabbing hold of her left as they exited the Great Hall.

“Well, I answered all the questions except three,” Buffy mused. “I’m pretty sure I did alright. What about you?”

Lily snorted. “Do you even have to ask? If he didn’t ace the test, I’ll eat my pointy hat.”

Remus flushed with embarrassment.

Sirius chortled, nudging James with his arm. “That would be a sight, wouldn’t it?”

James rolled his eyes. “I can’t think of anything better,” he drawled. 

“…Lily?”

The marauders froze in their steps, turning around to look at the greasy-haired Slytherin that had caught up with them. “Can I have a word?” Snape shuffled his feet nervously, not meeting their eyes.

Sirius’ eyes narrowed. “No, you can’t. Let’s go.”

Lily bit her lip, glancing nervously at James who was looking between Lily and Severus with a neutral expression, though his fists were clenched. “I-I’ll catch up with you in a minute,” she said. “You go on ahead.”

James opened his mouth, as though he wanted to say something, but closed it just as quickly. He made a terse nod. “Alright. I’ll see you later. Severus.”

He spun around, continuing down the corridor, followed by a gawking Sirius, a wide-eyed Peter, and a silent Remus, Buffy and Samantha.

“What do you want?” Lily asked Snape, the moment they were out of sight.

“I just…” Snape pulled a hand through his greasy hair. “I don’t…” He looked frustrated, as though he didn’t quite know what to say.

“Is this about me and James?” Lily asked with a raise of a delicate eyebrow. “How you don’t want me dating him? That I deserve better?”

“You do,” Snape said quietly.

“Well, bully for you,” Lily almost snapped. “You don’t have any right to say that to me. You don’t have any right to question any of my decisions. You lost that when you chose your Slytherin friends over me.”

“I didn’t choose them over you!” Snape protested, black eyes flashing. “I tried to apologise but you wouldn’t let me!”

“Because I didn’t know you anymore!” Lily exploded. “I gave you so many chances, Sev,” she said. “Again, and again, you hurt me because it was what your so-called ‘friends’ expected of you. And I let you! But enough is enough, and sooner or later, an apology won’t cut it.”

Snape sighed, looking away. “I didn’t come here to fight.”

All anger escaped Lily, and her shoulders slumped. “Then why did you come?” She asked tiredly, bright green eyes staring into beetle-black depths. 

“I didn’t want to leave things as they were,” Snape said. “I don’t want to graduate with you angry at me.”

“Oh, Sev,” Lily smiled without humour. “I’m not angry at you. I lost whatever anger I had long ago. Now, I just want to move on.”

“With Potter?” Snape wasn’t quite able to hold back the bitterness in his voice.

“James loves me,” Lily said firmly.

“I love you too.”

Lily shook her head, walking forward and holding Snape’s cheek in the palm of her hand. “You love the idea of me,” she corrected quietly.

Snape didn’t correct her, but he didn’t deny it either. Instead, he clasped Lily’s hand in his, keeping it still against his face, closing his eyes. “There’s no way we can become what we were?” He asked hoarsely, needing to be sure.

“No,” Lily said, smiling sadly, green eyes slowly filling with tears. “I will always care for you. But we can’t go back. I don’t think I _want_ to go back.”

Snape nodded, backing away and releasing the redhead’s hand. “Then I wish you all the luck in the world, Lily.” He said, voice pained. “Take care of yourself.”

“You too, Sev,” Lily said, turning around and walking away, heart heavy, but at the same time, lighter.

Snape stared after her for a long while, before also turning, walking away in the opposite direction, steps grimly determined.

There was no going back, after all. 

Only forwards.

And whatever that may entail.

* * *

**Published:** 14/06 -15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Richard Armitage as Severus Snape.


	30. Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTVS/HP. She's a warrior. The Slayer. But underneath it all, she's a girl. Can Buffy, lost in another dimension, manage to leave her past behind her and for the first time, allow herself to just...live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE: Part 1 in Roads Travelled. Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.  
> DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.

**16 June**

James sighed from his bed, eyes taking in the now mostly empty dorm room where he’d lived for the past seven years.

The only things remaining were their night clothes and sheets on the beds, and their now full packed trunks, along with their formal ceremonial robes they’d wear to the graduation ceremony the next day. And, of course, their dress robes, to be worn tonight during the traditional graduation ball for all seventh years and their dates.

“I don’t want to leave,” the Head Boy admitted, resting his head in his hands.

“It does feel a bit strange,” Sirius agreed, while taking down a moving poster of the band the _Wailing Wizards_ from the wall. “Still, life at Hogwarts was getting a bit repetitive.” His grey eyes shone. “Just think, Prongs! Adventure and freedom! No more homework! Ever!”

Remus snorted. “Maybe not homework, but work for sure, Pads. For you at least.”

Sirius snorted. “Kill-joy.”

“I’m being realistic!” The werewolf exclaimed indignantly. 

_“Pessimistic,_ you mean,” Sirius said, while checking his clock absently. “We’ve still got a couple of hours to kill before the End of the Year Feast. We could play something?” He suggested.

“Yeah, good idea,” James said, standing up and opening the lid to his trunk. “I’m sure my deck of Exploding Snap is at the top somewhere…” He muttered while rummaging around.

“Have you checked under the beds?” Remus asked dryly, knowing for certain both James and Sirius were bound to have forgotten to pack _something._

“Of course I have!” James scoffed, before furrowing his brow. “Did I, Pads?”

Remus rolled his eyes, bending down to check underneath James’ bed, which was right across from his. “Well, I can’t see your deck of cards, but I’m pretty sure that’s your photo-album.”

James eyes brightened, dropping to his stomach and crawling under his bed to grab the album, a wave of dust flying up as he did so. “I knew I had forgotten something, Moony! Thanks!”

He coughed slightly, before settling down cross legged in the middle of the floor, chortling as he opened the album and was met with a picture of a much younger Peter, wearing a yellow floating duck around his chubby waist. The Peter in the picture was alternating between leaning down to pull up his bathing shorts which were constantly slipping down, and reaching up to scratch his nose. “I remember this summer!” He grinned as the rest of the Marauders sat down beside him, Peter groaning when he saw what James was laughing at. “It was summer before second year, and you were all over at my place.”

“Yeah, I remember that too,” Remus said. “It was so hot that day, and we were all by the pond to swim…but Peter had never learnt how. I still have no idea why your dad had that floating duck lying in storage…”

“Can we talk about something else?” Peter begged, face red as a tomato.

James shrugged, and flipped through the pages, until he landed on a picture of him and Lily – James was staring at his pants with his mortified expression, twitching, as though fighting the urge to itch something. Lily looked vindicated, her wand tapping against an arm smugly.

“Oh, wasn’t this when you proposed to Lily for the first time, Prongs, and she hit you with that hex that made boils break out on your unmentionables?” Sirius laughed and it was James turn to blush.

“Next picture,” he said loudly, but Sirius, Remus and Peter stopped him from changing the page.

“The expression on your face was hilarious,” Remus remembered, chuckling. “And this was only one moment of several ending the same way – with you in the hospital wing.”

“I’ve got to say, I am impressed with your tenacity. Anyone else would have given up,” Sirius agreed.

“Yeah, well,” James sniffed, messing up his hair, “it paid off, didn’t it? I always knew she would fall for me, sooner or later.”

“Much later, in your case,” Peter sniggered. 

“Lily’s charm work is truly something to be envious of,” Sirius grinned, sighing.”Those were the days.”

_**Flashback** _

_“I still can’t believe you broke up with Evans,” James said, glancing over at the redhead, sitting by herself in a corner, reading._

_“It was a mutual decision,” Remus said, for the tenth time that day, rolling his eyes in exasperation. “We’re better off as friends.”_

_“Hmm. Well, I’m going to marry her,” James stated flippantly, as though talking about the weather._

_Remus, Sirius and Peter exchanged looks, before they simultaneously burst out laughing._

_“Hey!” James pouted._

_“She hates you, Jamie,” Sirius said, still chortling. “She’s never going to marry you. Other than in your dreams.”_

_“Well, well…I’ll show you!” James said, standing up. “I’ll ask her, right now!”_

_His friends’ laugher grew even wilder and louder, earning themselves attention from the rest of the students._

_“See if I invite you to the wedding,” James huffed, before straightening his shoulders and walking over to Lily’s table with determined steps amidst the laughter from his friends._

_“Evans!” He said with a charming grin, and Lily looked up, startled. “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”_

_Lily stared at him as though he was insane, but James didn’t let that deter him. He pulled a hand through his hair, messing it up even further. With his other, he pulled a resisting Lily out of her seat, leading her to the middle of the common room._

_“What do you think you’re doing?” Lily hissed angrily, pulling her hand out of James’ grip._

_James grin grew even wider. “Lily Evans, the girl of my dreams, the redhead of my heart – you may fall off a broomstick, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall…is in love with me!”_

_“Are you high?” Lily asked incredulously, ignoring the laughter coming from practically everyone in the room._

_“No, just lost…in your eyes!” James said. “Evans – marry me.”_

_“WHAT?” Lily screeched._

_“Marry me,” repeated._

_Lily was completely flabbergasted, and James turned to his friends beaming. “See? She’s speechless with joy!”_

_Lily grew as red as her hair, and she pulled out her wand, pointing it at James’ crotch. “Furnunculus!” She yelled, and every male in the room winced._

_James froze, smile slipping of his face to be replaced by a horrified expression, and he was twitching slightly, both from the pain and from the itch currently covering his privates._

_Lily crossed her arms, her wand tapping against an elbow. “Look who’s speechless now,” she said. “I wouldn’t marry you even if you were the last male on Earth!” She spun around on her heel, and disappeared up to the girls’ dormitories._

_Sirius, Remus and Peter walked over, looking sympathetic, but unable to hide their amusement completely._

_“Come on, Jamie,” Sirius said. “Let’s get you to the hospital wing, alright?”_

_Despite the itch, despite the pain, despite the rather public and humiliating dismissal, James looked starry eyed. “She’s perfect!” He proclaimed breathlessly. “And I_ am _going to marry her, I swear it!”_

_‘Mental’ Sirius mouthed to Remus who couldn’t help but silently agree._

_**End flashback** _

* * *

“Hi, guys,” Buffy said, waving the four boys over to the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, a couple of hours later, waiting for the End of the Year Feast to begin. “You’re late. You even missed Dumbledore’s speech. We were just about to go see where you were.”

“Sorry,” Remus said, placing a kiss on her cheek. “We were busy reminiscing.”

“Reminiscing?” Lily asked, an eyebrow raised in question.

“Yep,” James agreed. “Graduation is making us all a bit nostalgic.”

“It feels so strange,” Lily mused, while serving herself a piece of shepherd’s pie, “that we only have one more night left. Tomorrow, when we leave, we leave forever. No more Hogwarts…at least, we won’t ever revisit her as students.”

“I still remember the sorting as though it was yesterday,” Remus said, lowering his voice slightly, so only those closest to him could hear his next few words: “I was completely terrified - I was sure that somehow, everyone would know what I was, just by looking at me.”

“Yep. He was practically quaking in his boots,” Sirius nodded with a smirk, earning himself an eye roll from Remus.

“Oh, remember the bet we made? About where he’d end up?” James asked everyone.

“Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, right?” Buffy asked, remembering the conversation she’d had with Sirius almost a year ago. “Well, knowing Remus, not bad guesses, but he’s a Gryffindor more than anything else.”

“Though he’s missing the ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ tendencies most Gryffindors are so fond of,” Lily added with a grin.

“Do you include yourself in that faction, Lils?” Remus asked with a teasing smile. 

Lily sniffed in mock superiority. “But of course not,” she said. “I’m _special.”_

“And so modest,” Sirius sniggered.

_**Flashback** _

_Sirius nudged James in the side, nodding towards the pale and sickly-looking boy in the seat diagonally across from them on the other side of the table. ”So, Huffleclaw-boy ended up in Gryffindor,” he noted._

_”Seems that way,” James said. ”He looks as if one gush of wind would blow him over.” He snickered, Sirius soon joining in._

_”Umm…when do we get to eat?” A small voice asked, and both boys turned their heads to the right, staring at the small boy who sat there, with rather watery eyes and a runny nose. ”I’m P-Peter Pettigrew! Peter said, voice overly bright and shaking and stuttering at the same time. ”I-I’m really excited to be here – I was sure I’d end up in H-Hufflepuff – nothing wrong with Hufflepuff, of course, but G-Gryffindor is so much better, don’t you th-think?”_

_Ignoring him, James and Sirius looked at each other with despair. ”I thought Gryffindor was the home of the brave,” Sirius whispered conspiratorially. ”Not the m-m-m-mentally challenged,” he stuttered, imitating Peter who still looked up at them with an expression of worship._

_James choked on his laugher. ”Sirius! That’s not nice! Gryffindors stick together! Even if they look like death warmed over,” he added, glancing at the sickly-looking boy again._

_”I suppose you’re right,” Sirius said, grinning wickedly. ”But you’ve got to admit some of them look like they need to be protected, not like the protectors themselves.”_

_James grinned back. ”Then it is up to us, the strong and ruggedly handsome to take care of them,” James said, flexing his non-existent muscles._

_A redhead that sat beside the sickly looking boy snorted, catching his attention as well. ”Please,” she said. ”Ruggedly handsome? Allow me to laugh.”_

_"What got your knickers in a twist?" James smirked, making the girl's green eyes narrow before she turned away in a huff, burying her nose in a giant book, which the messy haired boy saw was called_ Hogwarts, a History. 

_”Y-you never answered my question.” The chubby boy, Peter, spoke up again._

_Sirius and James blinked in confusion. ”What question?”_

_”When does the food arrive?” Peter wondered again._

_The sickly looking boy hesitated for awhile, and then opened his mouth to answer. "Well," he said, voice wavering slightly. "After the sorting, the Headmaster is supposed to say a few words, and then the food appears."_

_Peter blinked. ”Oh.” He then smiled at the boy. ”Thanks. I’m Peter.”_

_”Remus,” Remus said, smiling back shyly, his fringe – which was far too long and in need of a good cut - falling down to cover his eyes._

_”We’re going to have to listen to a speech?” James asked incredulously, groaning._

_Sirius nodded mournfully. "Apparently. I'm going to starve before that!" He exclaimed, making the red-headed girl roll her eyes at him._

_"If a human is to die of starvation, he must first suffer from it for about one to two months, which causes permanent organ damage, and_ then _you die. I highly doubt the Headmaster is going to keep talking for that long."_

_Sirius and James gawked at the girl, their mouths opening and closing, while Remus snickered. Peter just looked dazed at the redhead, blinking stupidly._

_"What is she talking about?" James spluttered, giving Sirius and James highly confused looks. "Is she out of her bloody mind? And who is she, anyway?"_

_Lily rolled her eyes again. "Boys!" She huffed, shaking her head, and sticking her nose in the air, inwardly deciding to ignore them all in favour of learning and knowledge._

_However…_

_”…That was really clever,” a voice told her shyly, interfering her descent back into her book._

_The redhead turned to look at the pale boy beside her, surprised. ”Thanks,” she then said, just as shyly, holding out her hand for him to take. ”I’m Lily. Lily Evans.”_

_”Remus Lupin,” Remus introduced himself._

_Lily grinned. ”Yeah, I heard. Before, when you told…umm…Peter, I think,” she added quickly, blushing._

_”And I’m Black, Sirius Black,” Sirius said, interrupting their conversation, grinning back widely, ignoring Lily’s glare of death. ”And that’s Potter. James Potter. And now, that we’ve all been introduced, why don’t we all engage in a group hug!”_

_Half of the Gryffindor table turned to stare at him strangely._

_Sirius pouted. ”It was just a suggestion.”_

_**End flashback** _

“I can’t believe you made fun of Remus and I,” Peter protested, frowning. “Mentally challenged? Honestly…that’s so mean. And Remus can’t help that he looks ill sometimes!”

“Well, we were idiots,” James shrugged.

“No disagreement there,” Lily muttered, though her lips twitched.

“Like you’re one to talk,” Buffy teased. _“If a human is to die of starvation,_ indeed! You were such a know-it-all, Lily! And, come to think of it, slightly macabre…”

Lily blushed. “Well, it shut them up. And Remus thought it was clever!”

“Yes, well, we all know Moony is rather strange sometimes,” Sirius sniggered. “And he’s always been a nerd.”

“Better a nerd than an arse,” Remus countered, throwing a couple of peas at Sirius.

“Hey!” Sirius hollered, throwing a roll at Remus in retaliation, who ducked, which meant the roll instead hit the back of an unsuspecting Hufflepuff’s head, who turned around to glare at the Gryffindors.

Sirius shrugged innocently, only to get smacked in the face with a handful of mashed potatoes, thrown by the Hufflepuff victim’s friend.

Buffy grinned brightly. “Oh, you know what this means…” she began, eyes sparkling, as she grabbed a couple of tomatoes. 

Lily groaned, having a feeling she knew what was coming next.

James sniggered, arming himself with an apple pie. “FOOD FIGHT!” He yelled, and in the next second, food was flying across the room, no one left untouched, the professors unable to stop the complete and utter pandemonium. Of course, it didn’t help that the Headmaster had joined in.

Finally, McGonagall managed to put a stop to the chaos by firing off red sparks into the air, along with a deafening boom. The Transfiguration professor looked murderous, her hat askew, and robes splattered with gravy.

“BLACK! POTTER! LUPIN! PETTIGREW!” She yelled, as she stalked over towards the Gryffindor table, face redder than the lingonberry sauce currently smeared across her forehead.

“He started it!” Remus, James and Sirius chorused, all pointing at each other.

Professor McGonagall did not look amused.

* * *

“Having fun?” Buffy asked, walking up to Sirius and Mandy, arm in arm with Remus.

“Yeah!” The Ravenclaw enthused, looking around the Great Hall, which was covered in glittering decorations and filled with music and laughter. “I wish I was graduating with you. It’s going to be so lonely here, next year.”

“Well, look at it from the bright side,” Lily said, walking up with James holding her hand. “You get to experience not just one, but two Graduation Balls.”

“Hmm…true,” Mandy nodded in agreement. 

“But only one with this dashing knight as your date,” Sirius said proudly, straightening his dress robes. 

“More of a blessing than a loss if you ask me,” Lily teased.

“Oi!”

The others laughed. “Well, we’re off to the dance floor again,” James said, and Lily sighed theatrically.

“What a chore with a man who actually _wants_ to dance,” she joked, grinning widely.

“Those two are so perfect together it’s nauseating,” Sirius remarked as the couple walked away.

“Who is?” Samantha asked, coming to stand beside Buffy and Remus.

“James and Lily,” Remus answered. “Where’s Peter?”

“By the refreshments,” Samantha said, staring longingly at the dance floor. “Some men are apparently made with two left feet and no sense of coordination.”

“Peter doesn’t want to dance, huh?” Mandy said knowingly, giving Samantha a sympathetic look, though she also could understand why Peter avoided the dance floor, which would put him in the centre of attention: His dress robes were a hideous shade of turquoise and yellow, and the muggleborn felt extremely sorry for him.

The Hufflepuff sighed. “Nope. I’m heading out for a breath of fresh air – do you want to come with?”

“Yeah, sure!” Sirius agreed quickly – maybe a little too quickly, Mandy thought suspiciously but said nothing, heading out with Buffy and Samantha instead, Remus and Sirius following at a slightly more sedate pace.

“Anything to get me away from the dance floor,” Sirius whispered conspiratorially in Remus ear once he was sure they were out of earshot. From the roll of her eyes Buffy gave him, it was clear she’d hear the remark. 

Outside, the air was cool and refreshing, and from the amount of seventh year students milling around the grounds, most of them gathered around the lake, it was clear the marauders hadn’t been the only ones to escape the hall.

“Let’s head towards the lake,” Sirius’ grey eyes gleamed. “There seems to be a commotion of some sorts.”

“What did you do?” Mandy asked, and Samantha and Buffy looked at the two Gryffindor boys suspiciously.

“Us?” Remus said, blinking innocently. “Nothing.”

“What are you talking about?” James asked, coming to join the group, Lily and Peter beside him.

“Got tired of dancing at last, Prongs?” Sirius asked.

“No,” Lily answered in his stead, “the band is wrapping up, and Dumbledore announced the end of the ball. He also told everyone to head back to our common rooms.”

“More of a suggestion, really,” James shrugged. “I mean, I think he knows not many of us are going to obey anyway. It’s our last night here.”

“Let’s end it by the lake then,” Peter suggested hurriedly. “It was the place of the Marauders first official meeting, it should be the last as well.” He sounded rather excited, and the girls exchanged looks, now absolutely certain the boys had done something by – or even to – the lake. 

“The end of an era,” James mused as the group began to walk.

“But not the end of the marauders,” Sirius cut in.

As they neared the lake, it became apparent that the dark surface was covered with floating candles, burning brightly.

“Did you do this?” Michaela Duncan asked the Marauders, approaching with her date for the evening, Nick Vandom.

“Of course they did,” Nick said, lips twitching. “They’re the marauders, after all, and this is their last night at Hogwarts. Of course they couldn’t leave without a last hurrah.”

“We thought it appropriate,” James said, staring out at the lights, which would rearrange themselves into shapes and words every few seconds. “And this isn’t so much a prank as it is a show of homage.”

“Paying our respects to what was and never will be again,” Remus said quietly, a nostalgic expression on his face.

“Seven years of Hogwarts,” Lily mused. “Now awaits the rest of our lives.”

The candles on the lake rearranged themselves, forming the shape of a burning Phoenix, before all the lights went out, leaving the groups of students standing around in darkness.

* * *

**17 June**

“Nervous?” Sirius gave James a teasing smile, as the Head Boy ruffled up his hair for the eleventh time in the last minute.

“Not at all,” James said, trying to keep his voice from cracking. Peter patted his back slightly, but rather than comforting James, it only made his robes more wrinkled.

“You could wait,” Remus reminded him. “You don’t have to do it.”

James glared. “I’m doing it.”

The doors opened, and the four Heads walked outside, each professor going to stand and speak to their respective House.

“Why are you not arranged in line?” McGonagall hissed at the boys. “All the other students are behaving – why can’t you?”

Peter, Sirius, Remus and James exchanged amused looks, a witty retort already on their lips, when McGonagall spoke up again, apparently realizing exactly who it was she was speaking to. “Never mind. Just head back to your places in the line, in alphabetical order – after all these years of schooling, I am going to assume you know what that means.”

Remus grinned, slipping in before Mary and Madeleine MacDonald.

“Alright, students,” McGonagall said, addressing all of the Gryffindor seventh years. “It’s time to go inside – in an _orderly_ fashion,” she reminded them, as they began to fidget, voices rising excitedly. “I will not have my House be the one behaving like buffoons. Not today, of all days.” Her eyes looked strangely wet as she looked at the students she’d taught and mentored for seven years. “Make me proud.”

She walked back inside the Hall, followed by the other Heads of House, leaving the doors open. From inside, Dumbledore’s voice was heard: “And now, presenting Hogwarts Graduation class of 1978.”

Hufflepuff walked inside first, followed by Slytherin, Ravenclaw, and lastly Gryffindor. All the tables in the Hall had been removed, only chairs adorning the large floor where family and friends to the students were seated. Even the Faculty Table was gone, and in its place was a large dais, on which all the professors stood, with the exception of Dumbledore, who stood behind a podium to the left on the stage.

After all the students had been seated in the chairs reserved for them, Dumbledore stood up, looking kindly upon the mass of bodies within the Great Hall, there to either partake in, or watch, the Graduation ceremony; student, mother, father, sibling and friends alike.

“Welcome. For the final time, I bid you welcome,” the Headmaster began, looking at the four rows of seventh years sitting straight-backed in their chairs. “Seven years have come and gone. Seven years of reading and learning. Seven years of living together, laughing together and crying together. Seven years of being a family – together. Soon, you will be leaving Hogwarts, but you will always be a part of each other. The memories will remain, the friends you’ve made will also remain. No matter what the future brings remember this: This is the place where it all started. This is the foundation of your forever.” A long pause followed, but nobody made a move; no one fidgeted, no one whispered. Everyone was just watching the Headmaster silently.

“When I call your name, please approach the stage and accept your diploma, handshake and honours from myself and your professors; Andersen, Theresa…”

Finally, every name had been called, and Dumbledore spoke up again. “Now, I leave the word to this year’s Head Boy and Head Girl, James Potter and Lily Evans, both of Gryffindor House.”

Lily and James stood up from their seats, walking up to the stage amongst much applause. James gulped. This was it.

Falling to his knees in front of Lily – in front of all of his fellow seventh years, his parents, and Lily’s parents – he pulled out a small, velvet jewellery box from inside his robes.

Lily’s hand flew up to her mouth and a gasp escaped. “James…” She whispered voice low, but still carrying clearly across the utterly silent Great Hall.

“Lily,” James said. ”There are so many things I want to say to you, but all the words in the world are not going to be able to convey the depth of my feelings for you. All I can say is that I love you. I love you more than anything and you’re the one I want to spend eternity with. Lily Marie Evans, will you marry me?”

Lily was struck utterly speechless. James speech was short and to the point; nothing special, but Lily knew he meant it. The trembles in his hands, the sincerity she saw in his hazel eyes all spoke of the truth – James loved her.

And she loved him.

“Yes,” She breathed. “Yes!” She said a little louder, throwing herself around James’ neck as he stood up on slightly wobbly legs. “Of course I’ll marry you!” 

The Great Hall burst out into wild applause, and fireworks – set off by Sirius – exploded above their heads, spelling out the words ‘SHE SAID YES!’ before they blew up in a rain of red and gold confetti and the wedding march began to play.

Lily laughed, slightly embarrassed, but at the same time delighted at the extravagant show, of course due to the marauders. Holding out her hand, James shakily put the ring on Lily’s finger, kissing her deeply, staring into her eyes, glistening with unshed tears of joy.

“Congratulations,” Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling. “There can never be too much love in the world, after all. I wish you all the luck. Now, however, I do believe you have a speech to give? One _not_ involving a proposal?”

James and Lily both blushed, nodding and turning to face the crowd, wide smiles on their faces. “Seven years,” Lily began. “That’s a lot of days, but not many at all when you think of the time we still have left. This has been the start of our lives, the ‘foundation of our forever’. But our forever still awaits us. And just as it was frightening when we first entered the castle, it will be just as frightening leaving it.”

“To all of us, Hogwarts has become a second home, a place of belonging,” James continued, looking out over the assembled people. “A safe haven where we could grow, and mature into the people we are today. And now, we’re walking into a life of uncertainty. We began Hogwarts as scared children, and we graduate Hogwarts as scared adults. But remember this; we are stronger united than we are apart. Together, we can do anything, face anything – even change the world. The future is ours.” 

"Congratulations, class of 1978 – we made it!" Lily said, throwing up her hat in the air, the students standing up and following her example to much cheer, James gathering Lily in his arms, swinging her around and kissing her deeply. Students ran up, throwing themselves on top of the Head boy and Head girl, screaming, laughing and crying at the same time.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S OVER!" Buffy screamed, throwing herself in Remus’ arms.

"Oh, it's not over," he said, grinning happily, as he watched his friends around them, celebrating for all they were worth. "It has only just begun."

* * *

_I still remember that moment, as though it was yesterday: High on life, euphoria running through our veins. Filled with hope and idealism, looking at a bright future. Invincible. We were still innocent, back then. Undamaged. Naïve. I always thought my life would begin after Hogwarts: I was prepared for the responsibility, for adulthood, and even the war – the deaths of my mother and sister taught me that there would be casualties, that we would be facing carnage on a daily basis. But I wasn’t prepared for the changes in the people around me, the lies, the doubt, and the fear._

_I wasn’t prepared for betrayal._

_\- Samantha Lowell_

**To be continued in  
_[Road of Carnage](http://archiveofourown.org/series/38656)_**

* * *

**Published:** 14/06 -15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Episode Art:** Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers.


End file.
